ML Interest Tag: confusion

5 Baby Milestones That Will Totally Change Your Life as a Parent

By Denise Stern

As new parents we live for the developmental milestones of our babies. Smiling at six weeks, starting solids at six months, potty training… and on and on. Our excitment even starts while baby is still in the womb: “Look honey, she’s the size of a kidney bean this week!” As time goes on though, we realize that we as parents have milestones, too!

Below is a completely unscientific and yet 100 percent accurate chart of Baby Milestones for Parents.

Milestone: The day your baby can hold his or her own bottle

  • Typically occurs: Around 10 to 11months old
  • What it’s really like for parents: Confusion and disorientation in parent; for several days you will not know what to do with your free hands and lap.  Then expect a feeling of liberation. Parents report their homes become moderately cleaner upon reaching this stage.

Milestone: The day breastfeeding feels as natural as everyone keeps telling you it should be

  • Typically occurs: Anytime between day 1 and day 90
  • What it’s really like for breastfeeding moms: Overwhelming joy.

Milestone: The day your baby sleeps through the night for the first time

  • Typically occurs: Anywhere between 12 weeks to 5 years old
  • What it’s really like for parents: Also known as “The Holy Grail of Parenting,” once parents feel what it’s like to have a child go to sleep from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., they can never go back.  Parents report feelings of wanting a second child upon reaching this milestone.

Milestone: The day you decide your child watching “a show” is okay

  • Typically occurs: Most frequently once toddler drops their nap or when toddler welcomes newborn sibling
  • What it’s really like for parents: Slight guilt followed by urge to allow child to watch “just one more.” There are LOTS of opinions on this one but only you know the right decision for your family. (Just go with it.)

Milestone: The day that diapers are no longer on your Costco list

  • Typically occurs: Varies
  • What it’s really like for parents: Utter disbelief. Parents later report sadness as there are no more babies in the house.

What Parenting Milestones have you reached? Which ones are you excited about? Let us know in the comments!

With twin girls and a boy born 17 months apart, I'm the owner of the world's most ironically named business, Let Mommy Sleep. Let Mommy Sleep provides nurturing postpartum care to newborns and evidence based education to parents by Registered Nurses and Newborn Care Providers.  

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5 Tips for Moms Dealing with Divorce

By Kara Reynolds

Choosing to get a divorce is one of the most difficult decisions you can make in your life—especially when kids are involved. Regardless of their age, you want to protect them at all costs and ensure the entire process goes as smoothly as possible. Of course, this is much easier said than done, as you may well know. Aside from the legal aspects, there are emotional and parenting issues you have to deal with. At times, these can be more taxing than the financial and contractual details. However, as impossible as it may seem right now, there are ways to care for yourself and your kids as you navigate this tumultuous time in your life. Here are some tips to help you make it through and become an even stronger mama in the process.

1. Give Yourself Time

One of the best things you can do for yourself and your kids is to give yourself time to process your emotions. It’s completely natural to experience panic, confusion, sadness, anger, and a slew of other feelings as you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is ending. In fact, you’ll likely go through the stages of grief as you move forward, eventually reaching acceptance. However, as painful as the process is, it’s best not to rush it. Sit with the pain and allow yourself to break down when you aren’t on mom duty. You’re human too, after all. You deserve to explore those complicated emotions without feeling the need to suppress them 24/7.

2. Don’t Go It Alone

While alone time is essential in processing your emotions, it’s equally important to find others with whom you can confide. Up until this point, it’s likely your husband was the one with whom you would share your thoughts and feelings. Now, you must trust close friends, relatives, or a therapist with the most vulnerable parts of yourself. Of course, opening up to others can be frightening and uncomfortable. However, talking to someone else may provide you a fresh perspective or prevent you from running back to a toxic relationship for the sake of your kids. You might also consider joining a support group so you can be with others who are currently going through or have been through a divorce.

3. Become a United Front

A lack of communication is one of the most common reasons couples seek divorce. However, when it comes time to inform the kids of your decision, you must be able to speak with one another and become a united front before talking to your children. After all, this decision involves both of you, so you should both be present when telling the kids. Moreover, your little ones will likely feel more comfortable and safe if you’re both there to explain things. Prepare for questions and make sure you and your spouse agree on the reasoning behind the divorce so you can answer them clearly and concisely.

4. Avoid Trash Talk

During that first conversation with your kids and throughout the divorce process, avoid trash-talking your spouse. Even if their actions or words were the reason for the divorce, it’s best not to drag them through the mud in front of your children. Your kids don’t need to know all the details of the divorce and, in the end, you still want them to respect both you and their father. Plus, you don’t want your little ones to feel like they have to choose a side—especially when you’re trying to protect them from the messiness of divorce. If your partner is trash-talking you, let your actions speak for themselves and resist the urge to defend yourself. Doing so will only fan the flames and give your kids more reason to turn against one of you.

5. Don’t Make Your Kids Messengers

Even before the divorce is final it isn’t uncommon for you or your spouse to move out and begin splitting time with the kids. If you continue to share custody of the children, this cycle of having your kids and sending them off to see their father will repeat for years to come. During the early stages, many ex-couples use the kids as messengers instead of directly communicating with one another. Don’t make the same mistake. Using your kids as middlemen puts them in the line of fire if an argument were to occur, causing real and lasting damage to their emotional health and wellbeing. Therefore, it’s best to text, call or email your ex privately or meet up and speak in person without your kids being present.

Today Is Not Your Forever

If you’re in the throes of divorce, it may be difficult—if not impossible—to see a silver lining in such a mess. Yet, it’s important to remember that you’re doing this for your kids if nothing else. They deserve a safe, loving home, and divorce may have been the only way to provide that. Find hope in the fact that even if today may be almost too much to bear, it won’t last forever. Eventually, you and your little ones will emerge from the rubble and rebuild your lives together. Looking back, you may find this was the best thing you could ever have done for your kids and their future.

This post originally appeared on Momish.

Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine.  A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures.  She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time. 

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6 Ways to Teach Your Daughter Independence

By Brian Weisfeld

Parenting and raising a self-reliant daughter is a delicate balance between allowing her to discover things on her own and making sure she’s not feeling neglected. Your involvement in your daughter’s life will always be beneficial. But if you do too much, or even everything for your daughter, you’re not only robbing her of opportunities to learn life skills but also sending a message that you don’t trust in her abilities.

Independence boosts self-value and self-esteem, and according to veteran startup mentor, executive, and author Martin Zwilling, being independent is a key ingredient for entrepreneurial success. Even if your daughter has no interest in becoming an entrepreneur, you can still encourage her to develop a self-starter attitude that will benefit her in life, regardless of the path she chooses, with the following suggestions.

BE HER ROLE MODEL.

Your daughter needs someone to look up to and learn from, and you’re the best candidate for the job! It’s not that tough–you just have to remember to lead by example. You may even have already noticed that your daughter observes and models your words and actions. It’s never too early or late to do a self-evaluation and ensure your behavior promotes independence. Strive for progress, not perfection, as a role model.

COACH FROM THE SIDELINES

Age-appropriate chores are great tools that teach basic life skills. When assigning household duties to your daughter, include time for training and proper handover, so she learns to complete tasks on her own without you continually looking over her shoulder. This set-up allows her to feel a sense of accomplishment and understand what it’s like to make meaningful contributions.

SET HIGH BUT ATTAINABLE STANDARDS

While your daughter learns the ropes and accomplishes tasks independently, continue to set her up for success with evidence-based growth mindset practices such as cultivating a passion for learning, valuing effort, teaching grit, and setting high academic attainment expectations. This approach helps your daughter become more independent because she will learn that skills improve with practice, mastery takes time and effort, and persistence pays off.

STRIVE FOR CONSISTENCY

Aim for a daily routine. The more consistent, the better. Eventually, your daughter will become less reliant on you and take charge of her responsibilities without constant reminders from you. Solving problems on her own, especially the ones she can handle, will become second nature to her.

BE ON THE SAME PAGE

Get everyone in your household on board and share the responsibility of fostering independence in your daughter. If you and other family members, including involved grandparents and nannies or babysitters are not on the same page, it can be a source of confusion for your daughter. It’s for your daughter’s benefit that you form a united front with everyone who interacts with her regularly.

MAINTAIN YOUR BOND

Carve out quality time with your daughter and check in on her. Encourage her to share her feelings and express her fears and frustrations. Keeping the lines of communication open with your daughter gives you insight into how well she’s coping with challenges, stress, and failure, which you can use as a teachable moment for resilience and independence.

Whenever you encourage your daughter’s sense of autonomy, you provide your daughter with the belief that she can competently handle life’s ups and downs. You also give her the chance to strengthen her ability to view challenges as opportunities, one of the many traits most important for budding young entrepreneurs

This post originally appeared on The Startup Squad Blog.

I've always built businesses, from a childhood gummy bear business to adult gigs at IMAX and Coupons.com. I founded The Startup Squad to help girls reach their potential and my book series, The Startup Squad, is published by Macmillan. I live in Silicon Valley with my wife and two daughters.

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Why Some Marriages Fail: My Experience Revealed

By Pedro Odubayo Thompson

My marriage, like any other, started on an excellent footing. It began with hope and great expectation, and there were love and friendship. We were two young people taking this marriage journey together. Because we were different in every respect despite the effort to become united in spirit and flesh, we still saw things from a divergent perspective. That’s not surprising as we had a completely different upbringing and background.

Could it be that the essentials that make a healthy and successful marriage (the strings that bind the package together) were completely missing in my marriage?

I must confess that some of these elements probably were carelessly handled. Was there a lack of communication, patience, humility, forgiveness, time commitment, faithfulness, honesty, and trust? All leading to an inevitable failed marriage? Probably so.

As far as I’m concerned, as the husband and breadwinner, I thought I was doing my best to make sure my family didn’t lack anything. But by so doing, I missed spending quality time with my wife, and that was a problem in itself. I don’t want to paint myself as a saint because they say it takes two to tango and the fault should be shared by both parties, for that reason, I should be partly blamed. If I was more mature maybe I would have handled many situations much better. Indeed, being ready to be more patient, humble, and able to forgive. Doing so would have solved many problems that later became a thorn in my side.

The breakup was very devastating for me, most especially with the children at the center of it all. They say when two elephants fight the grass suffers. My children weren’t the only ones who were affected by this turmoil because I was also caught in the middle as well. It caused me to weep in the open and in secret. I missed their warmth and everything else about my children, which caused me to become depressed and created other health problems that I might have for the rest of my life.

No Wonder They Say, Love Kills

Marriage is a natural and sacred institution contracted to last as long as we live. We say, “Till death do us part.”

The one-million-dollar question is, has this union always worked out for everybody as planned? The answer, without any hesitation, is absolutely NO. Is there a guide to fix these varied marriage problems? I hope so because it’s said where there’s a will, there should be a way. Therefore, both sides of the marriage should always plan to put their home in order.

Why didn’t my marriage work?

Well, it was all due to a catalog of missing fundamental building blocks that a great marriage creates. In addition to those mentioned previously, add the lack of maturity, patience, and forgiveness. What about self-ego, undaunting faithfulness, selfishness, and many more from both parties, as the fault of a failed marriage cannot be one-sided.

It needs the maturity of both sides for the marriage to succeed. Every union begins with great dreams: Love for one another, being faithful to each other, raise healthy and well-matured kids, both mentally, psychologically, and otherwise.

A marriage is like a flower that needs constant watering to grow. The same goes for a relationship—it requires many open discussions to keep it warm and running smoothly. Intrinsic is the need for wisdom, understanding, and all it will take to let it flourish. The more insight and knowledge we apply to the union, the more likely the marriage will survive and mature.

The consequences of a failed marriage are devastating. A couple must strive to tap into whatever resources are available to learn how to keep the marriage afloat. At the core, decisions must be made between both partners to decide who the wage earner is, which activities will be undertaken toward the children’s feeding and nurturing, and keeping the home running smoothly. It’s of utmost importance to maintain constant dialogs to put things in their right perspective. Doing so will prepare the marriage to weather any storm both in rosy and challenging times.

Furthermore, the waters can become choppy in a marriage when it becomes necessary to cooperate and lend a hand to extended family members (husband’s and wife’s siblings). These actions can cause so many setbacks where one part of the family is favored over the other.

It is no wonder that these issues constitute some of the headaches that marriages face (depending on tradition and culture). Some cultures expressly include extended families in the marriage. As the saying goes: when you’re married into a family, you’re not just married to your wife or husband but to the whole clan.

Just this aspect can produce fruits of discord instead of agreement and love. When that happens, it means love has become bitter and downright poisonous in the marriage. It begins to go down a slippery slope producing contrary effects. But when the children are caught in the middle of all this confusion, it becomes even dangerous for everybody involved, and it could provoke a lot of unwanted problems.

Things get out of hand entirely when the father or the mother enters into a new marriage after their divorce. Children’s issues become more challenging and can escalate when one parent isn’t cooperative. Still, it’s imperative to continue looking for ways by all means despite the rough path to follow.

With all things being equal, my marriage has taught me a lifelong lesson. Though I cannot go back and correct the past, I will always make good the lessons learned by investing in the present and hoping for a better and prosperous future.

Pedro Odubayo Thompson
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Pedro O. Thompson (aka, KARIMO), you can call him POT.

Pedro is a Prolific Certified Translator. He translates from English to Spanish and English to English. He is an Image/Book Copy Editor/a Writer & Blogger, coupled with a good background in business settings/publishing, and  a keen interest in public affairs.

 

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Autism: The Grinch That Stole His Holiday Excitement

By BriAnna Olson

The holidays are fast approaching. And for the past few weeks, my mind has been filled with excitement and longing for celebration and togetherness. In an ever-changing world that we are a part of, looking forward to something is a must these days. But as the first of the next few major holidays creep up on our families, a new concept plagues my thoughts.

In our area, holiday gatherings are not “banned” but discouraged, as we still reside within a worldwide pandemic. And there’s a very real chance that we won’t be able to come together, as we usually do, I can’t help but wonder if Beckett even notice? Will he even care? Does he recognize Thanksgiving? Does he yearn for Christmas cheer? Will he learn the tradition behind celebrating a New Year? Will he wonder why such a disruption has occurred this year? Or will it all pass him by for yet another year, like a busy day simply following the next?

I’m a people person. I love to be around others. To joke, to laugh, to engage. To see emotion exude from the faces of those you love. And my boy, my sweet, nonverbal, autistic little love, he much prefers his own company at this point. The company of the few. Too many faces equal too many feelings. We know this. We are quite familiar, as he is anything but “silent” on the subject. But he does enjoy to explore, and run, and do his own thing, no matter if we are home or in a relative’s space.

So we go, we do, we push for inclusivity. And we cross our fingers for our positive, happy boy to acclimate. Oh, 2020. The many curve balls you have thrown. With the probability low that we will be able to get together for these holidays, I’m saddened. But not just for my own selfish holiday-loving reasons. But because it has dawned on me that my littlest love, my loving little boy, may very well be happy yet to simply stay. He cares not if our Thanksgiving table is home to three chairs or twenty. He pays no mind to Christmas trees or presents. He will remain here at home, in his element for these celebrations with us, and whether or not he knows they have arrived, he will be delighted. Because he is home. His safe place. The place of little want, or questions, or confusion. And a big part of me is forever grateful for it. Because he knows our love for him.

But I hope with all my might that we can someday reach a day where he requests to go out. That he prefers to go and be in the company of all the people that love him. To get to the day that he knows the excitement of holidays, and traditions, even if they look different to all others. Traditions are made to be your own, after all. With all the change occurring, I suppose it better that Beckett doesn’t know the importance of these days to his Mama. It’s better this way, to keep his springy spirit. But I pray that one day in his future, we can all celebrate, and he will look forward to the occasion and the love that follows.

This post originally appeared on To Infinity & Beyond Words.

BriAnna is a stay-at-home mom to her Disney loving, son Beckett (5), and wife to her Navy  Veteran husband, Cameron. Beckett is Autistic and non-verbal, so BriAnna created her page, "To Infinity & Beyond Words" to shine a light of love on their world of special needs. Their family of three call Nebraska home, and call themselves blessed. 

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Pop Quiz: Are You Winning at Pandemic Parenting?

By Krissy Dieruf

Parenting in the time of coronavirus is like walking a blind dog down a dark alley while wearing sunglasses. There is a lot of bumping into walls, crying, and flailing around, trying to grab hold of something seemingly sturdy or concrete. It’s a whole new type of parenting. Scary, weird, aimless, and sprinkled with impulsive maniacal laughter. Or is that just me?  

The floor has been pulled out from under us. Nothing fits anymore. We are in crisis mode, doing our best but likely letting go of some higher standards we once held when we possessed the time, energy, and wherewithal to enforce them. Frankly, the things we used to fret about, like an early bedtime and a low screen limit, have turned into rules working against us in our utterly unchartered lives. Late bedtimes are in, or rather, no bedtimes. And screen time is more like the best time and, sure, have another hour or two, kiddos. Because what else is there for you to do? All of the stress, confusion, emotional exhaustion, life responsibilities, and oh yeah, the lurking coronavirus threatening every move we make, can cause a parent to feel like a spinning cap trying not to spin out of control.

Rest assured, if you have felt any of this, you are not alone. If at any point you have found yourself sinking into guilt or anxiety over the difficulty of balancing everything on your shoulders, or your new habit of letting your kids eat popsicles for breakfast, try not to worry. You have not failed them. If you’re freaking out about how all of the mandates and changes in the schools and communities will affect your kids, take a deep breath. Fear and worry can grab ahold quickly when we doubt ourselves and feel lost in a forest of fog and trees too high to see the sky. Remember, the sky is there. It has not abandoned us. Reach deeper into the darkness for hope and light, and look deeper into yourself and trust that you already have everything inside of you that you need to get through this. You are a good parent.

Ask yourself these questions about ways you may already be weaving strong bonds and cultivating resiliency in your kids to help them strive despite having to go through hard times such as this:

1. Do I hug my kids?
2. Do I tell them I love them?
3. Do I laugh with my kids?
4. Do I listen to them when they have something to say?
5. Do I ask them questions about who they are, what they like, what they think, and how they feel?
6. Do my eyes light up when they walk into the room?
7. Do I compliment their hair, st‌yle of clothes, ideas, and little things they do?
8. Do I read to my kids?
9. Do I show them trust and respect?
10. Do I spend time with them?
11. Do I know their love language and try to try to show love in that way?
12. Do I keep boundaries for safety and security even if some of the other limitations like bedtime and screen time are a little looser?
13. Do I talk about my feelings and validate theirs?
14. Do I show interest in their interests?
15. Do I apologize when I make mistakes?
16. Do I help them when they need help?
17. Do I get support for my kids’ mental and behavioral health needs?
18. Do I hold them when they need to be held?
19. Do I try every day to do my best?
20. Do I forgive myself when the day is over, and it wasn’t perfect?
21. Do I wake up and do it all over again?

If you answered yes to most or even some of these, your kids are good hands. You are already doing the most important things during this new and bazaar situation that we are still trying to figure out how to handle.

This year will be hard, and school and sports will look different. Kids will not be doing all the things they were supposed to do. There may be a time when we have to catch up, or relearn some things, resocialize and process all the big feelings from all the days inside. That’s okay. Right now, talking, connecting, rolling on the floor, grabbing your belly laughing because a rerun of America’s Funniest Home Videos is on for the one-hundredth time, and it’s still hilarious, is the most important stuff right now. That’s enough. Hugs, hope, snuggling reading together, talking about whatever your kids want to talk about even if it makes your eyes roll into the back of your head with boredom, are the essential things. Good job. Keep going. Your kids are lucky to have you.

When you start to worry that your kids are missing out, or that you’re not ready to become a teacher 3-5 days a week because you have no clue how to teach a kindergartner to read and you don’t remember a single thing from fifth-grade social studies, close your eyes and wipe the sweat off your brow. Look back at times you thrived through adversity. Think about the hard places you’ve worked yourself out of, and the times in your life you grabbed hold of your spirit and grit and incredible sense of humor and made the most of a lackluster situation. These are the skills that serve you well in a long beautiful life. Your kids are learning everything they need to know about life right now from you, and they will be all the better for it.

Krissy Dieruf is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three children, loves to sing and dance around the house and has a soft spot for rebels and crazy hair. 

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We All Need This Pandemic Pick-Me-Up Poem Right Now

By Dr Bethany Cook

At the start of the year, no one suspected

That a virus, COVID-19, would be detected.

This virus has spread faster than anyone might have guessed.

Leaving families in the lurch, unprepared and hard-pressed.

Many are struggling to pay bills and find food.

Juggling/losing jobs, homeschool/parenting; in general, feeling screwed.

How could this happen? Who dropped the baton?

Yet playing the “blame game” won’t help us move on…

Toward solving the issues presented before us,

I have a few thoughts that I’d like to discuss.

Possible ways to mentally manage and cope

With the unknown, the future, and yes, offer hope.

1. When you start feeling mad, count to 10 and breathe deep

Increased oxygen levels decrease stress/ improve sleep.

Speaking of sleep, make sure you get lots,

This will help you remain in control of your thoughts.

2. During times when you question your value and self-worth

Reverse that thought from doubt to rebirth.

You’re growing and stretching in unusual places

This doesn’t mean you’re losing, but rather covering your bases.

3. Embrace the “unknowns” the “WTF’s” and “isolation”

Reframe this time as a “social vacation”.

Make time for your family, hold them close, cuddle much.

Research has shown decreased loneliness with a healthy touch.

4. Increases in frustration, depression, and anxiety

WIll be seen in yourself, your family and society.

These responses are normal during times of confusion

Cut yourself slack and don’t jump to conclusions.

5. Living with ambiguity makes planning seem fruitless.

Life feels unmanageable with all the sudden “newness.”

Slow down your thoughts, one step first, then another,

Look for new paths and new ways to discover.

6. With spouses and children, possibly pets at every turn

The space where you live may cause you heartburn.

Take a few Tums, a 5-minute break.

Do something for you, hell, bake a huge cake!

7. Music is something you can use to spark joy

So dance when negative thoughts start to destroy.

When you listen to music your entire brain is engaged.

So your feelings of happiness will overpower the rage.

8. Whether you like structure or prefer to “hang loose”

Having some sort of “guideline” can help to diffuse

Potential fights around “screen time”, expectations and chores

Offering choices empowers others “you wanna wash the clothes or the floors?”

9. It’s become clear that the longer “quarantine” remains

More and more people will start feeling “chained”.

The restlessness will result in many disobeying

Leaving their homes to socialize with others left praying.

10.  For the sake of your countrymen, your family, the lot

Please follow the doc’s orders, we’re all that we’ve got.

I know distance blows, it’s disturbing and tense.

Never fear, someday soon, we’ll hear “let the huggin’ commence.”

Not everyone has a say in how they “will serve”

Whether sitting at home or rushing orders to curbs.

Some are deemed “essential” and we wish you good luck.

Hopefully soon this will all get unstuck.

When it’s all said and done, and restrictions are lifted

Let’s remember this time as a gift that shape-shifted.

A pleasant surprise at the core of the storm.

Like a large, plush soft blanket all cozy and warm.

We have a choice every day when we wake

To embrace the new challenges head-on and remake

A life that more resembles our hearts and our minds

One kinder toward animals, the earth, humankind.

I’ll leave you with these final words of advice

Hold your partner, kiss your kid(s), nothing less will suffice.

For tomorrow brings challenges, for now the unknown.

So today embrace “the moment” before the time’s flown.

 

 

I am a 42-year-old biological mother of two young children in a same-sex relationship, a clinical psychologist with a specialty in neuropsychological assessment, a music therapist, a trainer of therapy dogs and ex-communicated Mormon from Indiana with a wicked sense of humor. 

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5 Ways to Help Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder Adapt to Being Home

By Dr. Annette Nunez, PhD

Whether we want to believe it or not, the coronavirus is here and your child will be out of school and/or therapy and at home for the next 2-3 weeks and possibly longer. For children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), this spontaneous and abrupt change is a difficult one. Trying to explain to your child why there is no school when it is not winter or summer time is difficult and confusing. What adds to the confusion is containing your child at home and not being able to go to their favorite places within the community.

During this dramatic change please keep a couple of things in mind. Children with ASD feel the non-verbal anxiety and stress of the world around them much more intensely than you do, so when you are interacting with your child it is important to stay calm and positive. Being at home with your child will take a lot of patience, creativity, resourcefulness, and positivity. Your mindset and interactions with your child will affect the way in which your child will adapt to this big change. To help with the big adjustments from school to home I have listed five ways to help children with ASD and their families adapt to the sudden changes.

1. Create a Schedule. The first thing I highly recommend for every family to do is to create a daily schedule. There are many daily schedules you can find online that you can modify to fit your lifest‌yle. If your child is able to participate in creating the daily schedule let them have input because their opinion is important. When creating a schedule do not schedule an activity for longer than 45 minutes. Once you create a schedule STICK TO IT! Children with ASD like sameness and routine, in fact, they thrive in it. Even if you are bored with the schedule you created, trust me your child is not. Sameness will not only keep your child calm, but it helps YOU stay accountable and structured.

2. Schedule in Breaks. Provide lots of sensory, gross motor, and physical breaks to get your child up and moving. Add in bathroom breaks throughout the day to remind your child to use the restroom. Schedule in breakfast, snacks, and lunch. Also, add in “brain breaks” and during this time it is ok for your child to engage in self-stimulatory behaviors and/or screen time. Brain breaks are times for both you and your child to take a break from one another and decompress.

3. Use a Timer. To help your child transition from one activity to another it is important to use the alarm on your phone. Using a timer is always helpful because it lets your child know when the activity is over. Each morning set all the transition times on the alarm on your phone. This helps both you and your child to stay on task with the daily schedule. A few minutes before the timer goes off give your child a verbal warning. For example, “In two minutes when the timer goes off, we will clean up math and start writing.” Your child will learn quickly that when the alarm goes off the current activity ends and a new activity will begin. Ask your child’s teacher if they sing a transitional song such as the “Clean Up” song or say a transitional phrase such as, “All Done”. Replicate that during your transitions.

4. Set Goals. Creating a homeschool schedule can be quite overwhelming. My advice is to look at the goals written in your child’s IEP and/or service plan and find worksheets or activities online to help support those goals. Also, create a personal goal that you would like your child to accomplish during the next 2-4 weeks. Whether it is having your child learn to write their name or learn to dress themselves, you will be amazed at what your child can learn while they are at home.

5. Take Care of YOU. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. It may be waking up early and taking a walk around the block, drinking that extra cup of coffee, or binge-watching a Netflix show while your child is asleep. If you are not taking care of yourself, you will become ineffective when working with your child. When creating your daily schedule, add in breaks for yourself such as sitting outside for 5 minutes and taking a breath, looking on social media, eating a piece of chocolate, etc. Also, I highly recommend that you tape “Parent Prompt” cards throughout your house with positive sayings like, “You got this,” “You are doing great!” and “Breathe.”  Write down any positive statements that will get you through your day and put them throughout your house where you will see them. Both you and your child are depending on it.

Now is the time for you to mind shift and think of all the positives that will come out of this unexpected break. The one positive thing to come from social distancing is that the social bond between you and your child will become stronger. This is a time for you to socially connect with your child as well as teaching them life skills that will prepare them for their future. When finding homeschool activities for your child it is important to find activities your child enjoys, but ones that also provide the structure they need to be successful.

If your child isn’t into an activity move on and find something your child enjoys. By choosing activities that your child enjoys they are more likely to stay engaged with that activity for longer periods of time as well as strengthen the social connection with you. The ultimate goal during this unforeseen break is to make memorable social connections with your child while they are learning and having fun with you. Remember you can’t control the world around you, but you can control your mindset and the interactions with your child.

Dr. Annette Nunez, PhD
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Dr. Annette Nunez is the founder and director of Breakthrough Interventions, LLC. She is a licensed psychotherapist and has worked with children with ASD and other related disorders for over 22 years.

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