Photo: Fitlearners.com

Editor’s note: Any medical advice presented here is expressly the views of the writer and Red Tricycle cannot verify any claims made. Please consult with your healthcare provider about what works best for you.

It’s that time of year again.  The leaves are changing, and everything is pumpkin spice. Unfortunately, it’s also report card season.

Now, some of you may be those rare exceptions that look forward to report cards showing up. However, most of us are filled with an increasing sense of dread. 

Report card season can also mean neuropsychological evaluations. With the first report card comes the first inklings of teacher concern regarding a child’s learning abilities. When kids start to struggle academically, it is very common for teachers to make referrals for psychological testing.

The assumption is that when a child struggles academically, they likely have a learning disability. In fact, 20% of American school children are classified as learning disabled. Thus, one in five children are said to have something inherently wrong with their ability to learn. 

The problem with this assumption is that a majority of American schoolchildren struggle academically. In fact, 60% of American students graduate below proficiency and less than 10% graduate at the advanced level in any academic subject. Education actually doesn’t work for most kids.

In light of the abysmal state of our educational system, it should come as no surprise that when some students fail, it is attributed to a medical cause like a learning disability. This medicalization of academic deficits has become an epidemic, with more and more children being referred for neuropsychological evaluations each year.

With such an epidemic, I feel it is important for parents to understand what these kinds of tests really mean. Psychological testing is presented in a very misleading way to the public and, unfortunately, parents rarely have the opportunity to hear a different perspective. So, as a learning and behavioral scientist who has been dramatically accelerating student achievement for twenty years, I am here to offer you an alternative perspective. 

Children are diagnosed with learning disabilities based on their performance on a battery of tests. In other words, a psychologist administers a set of assessments to the child and then makes interpretations about test performance. These interpretations typically involve making an assumption about the existence of inherent neurological dysfunction, which results in a diagnosis of some sort being provided—like dyslexia. In this way, the assumed learning disability is provided as an explanation for the child’s poor test performance. 

Now, let’s break down what actually occurs when a child is tested. A child is given a variety of tests. These tests actually measure a child’s behavior, or what they do when presented with test items. The only thing that is directly measured throughout the entire process is the child’s behavior. From that behavior, a psychologist makes an assumption about why they behaved that way during the test. This assumption almost always entails reference to inherent neurological issues. However, the child’s neurology has not been directly observed or measured at all. The only thing that has been directly observed and measured is the child’s behavior. Everything else the psychologist says about it is an assumption. 

Said another way, the psychologist makes a guess about the cause for poor test performance. This guess is misrepresented as a fact in the form of a diagnosis. However, that diagnosis is not a fact at all. It is just a name that has been used to describe the child’s performance on a set of tests. The diagnosis is then misrepresented as an explanation for test performance. Unfortunately, this diagnosis offers no explanation at all and leads to a vicious cycle of circular reasoning with no possibility for effective action

There are many reasons for poor reading performance that have absolutely nothing to do with neurological problems inherent to a child. For example, many poor readers have failed to master essential reading skills like identifying phonics sounds and decoding words fluently. Moreover, many children are actually trained to guess words using the first letter or context clues. As such, they get really good at word guessing and never learn to properly decode words. It is these skills deficits that actually explain the poor reading performance and it is only by providing a child the opportunity to master effective reading skills that reading performance can be improved. 

The assessments psychologists use during neuropsychological evaluations actually measure skills—skills that children must acquire via effective instruction. If children perform poorly on these assessments, it is most likely a result of skills deficits and those skills deficits are most likely a result of ineffective instruction. 

The tradition in American education involves advancing students ahead academically based on age and the passage of time rather than on mastery of skills. As such, a majority of American students are pushed ahead through a sequence of skills before they should be. The tragic result of this practice is that a majority of American students fail to acquire proficiency in any academic subject and 20% of those failures are attributed to learning disabilities.  However, actual neurological dysfunction represents less than 1% of the population of American children (Coles, 1987). In other words, children are being classified as learning disabled 20 times more than they should be. 

The bottom line is that educational practices are widely ineffective. Without true mastery of prerequisite skills, children cannot successfully acquire more advanced skills. When these failures are attributed to disabilities inherent to students, ineffective teaching practices remain unexamined and our ineffective educational system remains unchanged. 

If your child is struggling academically or they are referred for a neuropsychological evaluation, it is important to know that there is likely nothing wrong with your child. What is wrong is the manner in which your child is being instructed and the fact that they are not truly mastering skills before being pushed ahead. A majority of struggling students simply require the opportunity to practice essential academic skills to mastery. Neuropsychological evaluations often only lead to labels that become a life sentence for a child and excuse away tragically ineffective teaching practices. 

 

Kimberly Berens, Ph.D. is the Founder of Fit Learning and Regional Director of Fit Learning Tri-State. For 20 years, Dr. Berens and her team have been developing and refining a powerful system of instruction based on the learning, behavioral and cognitive sciences. This system consistently produces over one year’s growth in 40 hours of instruction.

Photo: Fit Learning

As the new school year rapidly approaches, we scour the internet for the latest Back-to-School Tips hoping to ensure our children not only survive this next year but actually thrive. There are many tips floating around cyberspace, but as a learning scientist, here are a few that I have to offer. And yes! There is an entire field devoted to the scientific understanding of human learning! It does actually exist! Although not well known and certainly not recognized by the educational establishment, we are out there and have a lot to offer in terms of designing learning environments to promote long-term academic and personal success with every kind of student.

1. Grades do not necessarily reflect mastery of skills and content. As parents, we dream of our children being straight “A” students. However, an “A” is actually not a reliable measure of learning. Grades and other measures traditionally used in education do not stem from the science of learning. As such, these do not reflect empirically validated measures that actually predict important characteristics of mastery such as neurological permanence (i.e., memory), increased attention span, and the ability to use previously mastered skills for the effortless and successful learning of more complex things.

For the next school year, rather than exclusively focusing on your child’s grades, try focusing on the manner in which your child studies. Our science indicates that repeated rehearsal (or practice!) of small amounts of information over time produces permanent learning….not grades. Help your child create flashcards and study small bits of material each night rather than cramming the night before a test. Not only will your child be more likely to get that “A”, but they will also permanently learn the material.

2. Science has discovered that time is a critical variable in how learning should be measured. Accuracy alone is not enough to produce permanent learning outcomes. Our science has discovered that fluency—a measure that combines accuracy and speed—is the most reliable measure of learning and predicts permanent learning outcomes. In other words, it is when skills are fluent that they are remembered, resistant to distractions and fatigue, and usable for learning new things.

For the next school year, invest in a timer. As your child is rehearsing small bits of material each night, they should time themselves or be timed by someone else during that practice where the number of correct and incorrect answers per minute can be measured. Using a timer not only establishes a clear beginning and end to each practice opportunity, but it also allows you and your child to set “Personal Best Goals” each time practice occurs.

For example, if your child was able to correctly recall 7 definitions per minute during the previous practice timing, they should try to achieve a “Personal Best” (or PB) by beating that score and achieving 8 or more correct definitions per minute during the next practice timing. This way, practice becomes something that is measurable, goals can be established and achieved, and above all else, practice becomes fun! Setting up goal-oriented, fast-paced practice sessions increases focus, trains perseverance, and ensures that your child permanently learns the material while also having a bit of fun in the process.

3. Timers are also invaluable for homework time, which can be a very stressful, unpleasant part of the day. More often than not, it reflects “a gray” period of the day, where your child works a little, stares into space a little, daydreams a little, and periodically checks their phone a little. Parents often find themselves continuously nagging their children to get the homework done. Homework then takes a long time to complete.

For the next school year, separate the “gray” into “black” and “white” by using a homework timer. Set the timer for 15-to-20 minutes and tell your child that until the timer goes off, it is 100% homework time where they must continuously work. At the end of the time period, they should be encouraged to take a short break to check their phone, stretch, get a drink or snack, and stretch their legs. If you catch your child staring into space or checking their phone during the time period, restart the timer. Being strong and structured with homework time will help your child learn effective, efficient, independent study habits and will remove the need for incessant nagging.

The tips I have offered above can be profoundly effective. But know that no number of tips or suggestions can make a difference if your child simply hasn’t mastered the skills required to do their assignments. Students move to the next grade level based on age, not on the mastery of skills. Unfortunately, many students are pushed through a curriculum before they should be, and the result can be tragic. If your child is struggling to complete assignments, or if your teacher suggests that your child be evaluated for a learning disability, check their component skills first.

More often than not, learning issues are the result of a lack of basic skill mastery. If your child is struggling with reading, use the timer to see how many words your child can read per minute. If your child is reading less than 80 words per minute at the end of 1st grade, they need some fluency building in reading. If your child is struggling with math, use the timer and see how many math facts they can complete in a minute. If your child performs less than 40 math facts per minute, they need fluency building in basic math skills.

Before going down the road of evaluations and senseless labels, find a way of getting your child repeated, reinforced practice of basic skills so they can achieve fluency– automatic, effortless performance that ensures long-term memory, increased attention span, and the ability to learn more complex things.  It is this kind of mastery that produces long-term academic and personal success.

Kimberly Berens, Ph.D. is the Founder of Fit Learning and Regional Director of Fit Learning Tri-State. For 20 years, Dr. Berens and her team have been developing and refining a powerful system of instruction based on the learning, behavioral and cognitive sciences. This system consistently produces over one year’s growth in 40 hours of instruction.

Tanya Acosta is a Speech Pathologist, mother and the brains behind the non-profit Sensory City—and organization dedicated to making public spaces sensory friendly.

As the parent of a child with a disability, Acosta wants to help public community spaces (such as hotels, museums, airports, theme parks and other areas) better accommodate people with autism spectrum disorder, dementia, ADHD, PTSD and other sensory processing issues.

Sensory City offers a certification process to designate public spaces as “Sensory Friendly Certified.” The organization also offers sensory friendly kits, tools and disability-friendly recommendations to create inclusive areas.

Certification requires the business/organization/institution’s staff to complete Sensory City’s training and adopt the program criteria. Certified establishments get a door decal (to let families know the business is sensory-friendly). You can find “Sensory Friendly Certified” spaces listed on Sensory City’s website.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Hai Robe via Pixabay

 

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When one mom recently shared a photo on Facebook of her sunflower lanyard, she had no idea it would get hundreds of thousands of shares, comments and reactions.

The lanyard, which has a very special meaning, is more than just a cute fashion trend. According to UK mom Kim Baker on her Facebook page, “This is a symbol at airports to alert staff that a passenger has a hidden disability and may need adjustments made for them.”

According to a report from the BBC, the sunflower lanyard idea launched in 2016 at Gatwick Airport. After the lanyards took off, nine more airports around the United Kingdom joined in.

The bold green and yellow colors help UK airport staff to quickly identify passengers who need extra help. As the lanyards have grown in popularity, UK airports have take additional steps to assist travelers with hidden disabilities. The Manchester Airport recently opened a Sunflower Room—which is similar to Pittsburgh International Airport’s Presley’s Room, for passengers with sensory needs.

Along with a growing number of airports, the lanyards are also popping up in UK grocery stores!

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: East Midlands Airport via Instagram

 

RELATED STORIES

Pittsburgh International Airport Unveils Sensory Room for Passengers With Autism

This High School Grad Got a Silent Standing Ovation & Everyone Should Applaud

These Teens Gave A 5-Year-Old Boy With Autism the Best Birthday Gift Ever

After having my second baby, it quickly became apparent something had to give. I could not continue to work full time, raise two children and run a household. At the end of a few arguments, my spouse and I decided hiring a nanny was the best solution for our family.

I wish I had known several things before embarking on this journey, so in hopes of sparing other readers trouble, I decided to write about my experience. Here are 8 things I wish I had known before hiring a nanny. I hope you find them as helpful as I would have back in the day.

1. Don’t Search When You’re Desperate

When we found our nanny, we posted a desperate request on social media. This is not a recommended method for finding help. Posting online is a good way to identify prospects, but not make a final hiring decision.

My hubby was on his way to a business trip, and I knew there was no way I could manage work and childcare obligations. We ended up going with the first person who responded to our ad. This was a mistake.

2. Take Time to Review Resumes

After our first nanny disaster—long story short, she didn’t have the greatest work ethic—we took more time finding the second. We looked over resumes, and we took the time to contact references, something we didn’t bother with the first time.

Many people request references from employees, but few take the time to contact these people. This is a mistake. Always contact at least one or two of the references listed by a potential nanny. Sometimes, one call is all it takes to ease your mind, but if something seems off, you can ask more probing questions to be sure.

3. Use a Quality Referral Service

If you’re not keen on running a background check on your own, going through a referral site like Care.com can help you find higher quality child care. The most important tip for using such a site is specifically stating your needs—if you have three children, one of whom has a disability, advertising for a baby-sitter may not get you the type of applicant capable of providing the level of services you desire.

Do you want a nanny who also will help clean and prep meals? State this in the advertisement. The same goes if you need a nanny capable of tutoring your child in advanced algebra—not all have this qualification.

4. Remember You Are an Employer

You might not think of yourself as one of the fabled job-creators, but guess what? You are. This means you are responsible for issuing year-end tax documents as well as withholding if you choose to hire a nanny as an employee—a status automatically granted to those you pay $2,100 per year or more to.

If this is the case, you will need to withhold Social Security, Medicare and unemployment taxes from your nanny’s paycheck. I highly recommend using personal accounting software for this—the initial expense costs far less than owing the IRS.

5. Get Scheduling in Writing

The primary reason we had to let our first nanny go was an incompatibility in scheduling. I say this euphemistically—the real problem was not showing up when scheduled.

If all you need is a baby-sitter after school for an hour, scheduling can prove a breeze. However, if you need a nanny who occasionally can pull overtime or work weekends, get it in writing upfront. Everyone gets sick now and then and needs a day off, but missing a flight for an important business trip due to a nanny who forgot to set the alarm—again!—can prove nightmarish if it happens too often.

6. Decide in Advance on Contingencies

Do you expect your nanny to wash and chop lettuce for your evening salad? Get this in writing in advance of making a final hiring decision. Not only does doing so ensure you get the services you desire, but it also makes things fairer on your hapless sitter who may not know meal prep fell under the job description.

Most nannies expect to watch the children and even help with homework. If you’d also like them to wipe down and reorganize the contents of your refrigerator, prepare to pay extra or at least admit honestly cleaning is part of the gig.

7. Start with a Trial Run

Have you ever taken a new job on a contingency basis, meaning you only stayed on if you performed? While most household employees behave the same as they would toward any other employer, assuming they will do so automatically can result in conflict.

Let your nanny know you will operate on a trial basis for the first two weeks. I wouldn’t extend the time further out—feeling insecure about your job can make you perform worse, after all—but it gives you ample time to evaluate if you and your nanny’s work ethics and personality are a good fit.

8. Have Monthly Talks about What’s Working

Like any employee-employer relationship, touching base periodically is key to a continued successful working arrangement. Make time every month to praise your nanny for what she does well and discuss areas that could use improvement.

Hiring a good nanny is life-changing. With our second nanny, my hubby and I achieved the work-life balance we craved. I wish I had known more the first time, but at least I learned how to find a quality nanny quickly through trial and error. Avoid my mistake by following the tips above to locate the household help you need.

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

 

 

Before parents ever have a child, most have already imagined what they would look like, where they would take their first steps, and what sports they will play. No parent dreams of having a child with a disability. The fact is that the prevalence of having a child with a disability is growing. The American Community Survey (ACS) estimates the overall rate of people with disabilities in the US population in 2016 was 12.8 percent. When you learn that your child has a disability, you lose some of that dream and may have feelings of grief kick in. Yes, grief. It is still a loss of a child, one that is still typically developing.

Grief is a natural response to loss. Before one can get to a sense of acceptance, one has to understand that each stage of this process is natural and acceptable. It is also important for those around you to understand what grief can look like to better support you. Let’s go through the stages of grief as it relates to learning your child has a disability.

Stage 1: Denial: A common defense mechanism. “This can’t be happening. This Is not real.” Being in denial helps us cope and protect us from the immediate shock of the loss, numbing us to our emotions.

Stage 2: Anger: Once the denial wears off, parents begin to feel angry. These intense emotions are redirected to inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. During this stage, there are many stresses on marriage and family.

Stage 3: Bargaining: The third stage involves the hope that the parents can somehow cure their child. The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control through a series of “If only” statements. This is an attempt to bargain. Guilt often accompanies bargaining. We start to believe there was something we could have done differently to have helped change the outcome.

Stage 4: Depression: During the fourth stage, the parents start to blame themselves. They think they did something to cause their child to have a disability. In this stage, parents also start to worry about the costs of support services, medical bills, etc. They think about the future and who will care for their child when they are gone.

Stage 5: Acceptance: Parents begin to look ahead but in a positive light. They commit to do whatever it takes to achieve the skills that the child needs to be independent. They begin to understand that it is more important to find what it means for their child. Parents see the baby steps of success and understand how these achievements are much bigger. They see their child as they are and not defined by their preconceived ideas. Yes, they may struggle with certain activities, like sports, but they might flourish in music. Looking at your child, not only will you see how happy he/she is, you will realize the simplest things that make your child smile will make you smile too.

I have seen, by working with families of children with disabilities, that humans are emotionally resilient when faced with adversity. The greatest gift is having a child with special needs. It is also important to know that there are resources available to help support at every stage of grief. It is critical to understand that your grieving process is unique to you. It may hard, but do reach out to those around you who care about you and see them face to face for emotional support. It is also imperative that you take care of yourself psychically, by eating well and sleeping.

Above all, recognize the difference in grief and potential depression and or anxiety. Seek out specific professionals, such as psychologist, counselors, or physicians or sites like AutiZm& More who can help you through the grieving process. Also check out books that help children with anxiety coping strategies like, “Winnie & Her Worries,” and books about autism awareness and acceptance, like, “My Friend Max: A Story about a Friend with Autism,” both available on Amazon. It’s okay to take baby steps, just make sure to seek support and remember you are not alone.

Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist and board-certified behavior analyst. For more than 20 years, Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness.

With the school year ending and summertime around the corner, the days of pool parties and day camps with school friends are almost here. This time of year, however, can be lonely and isolating for some peers, especially those with disabilities, as their differences can cause them to be left out.

Jonas, my son, was born with Peter’s Anomaly, which is a rare disease that caused him to be blind at birth. He was able to gain very low vision after several surgeries, but still requires the use of a walking cane and is currently learning how to read Braille. He is such a sweet and strong kiddo, but something I worry about every day is that he will soon start to notice how he is different from other kids his age.

I have personally felt nervous on numerous occasions navigating the world of disabilities for my own child, so I can absolutely imagine that other parents with children who don’t have disabilities may also feel anxious or have fears about welcoming another child who may have special needs over for a playdate or sleepover. With this understanding and gratitude for parents who are willing to welcome a friend that may be different from their own child, here are a few of my top tips to welcome others who are differently abled into your home:

  1. Include Everyone and Be Accepting: All kids want to feel included and accepted by their peers, especially kids who may already feel a little different than the others because of their disability. When it comes to playdates, birthday parties, or just planning a time to carpool, don’t forget the importance of including everyone! One simple invite may make a huge difference for a child who is often overlooked. It’s also a good reminder of the importance of loving and including others even when they may be different than you.
  2. Encourage Your Child to Ask Questions: In my experience of caring for a visually impaired child, I appreciate it when parents or kids ask questions to me and my husband about why Jonas uses a walking cane. Showing interest and curiosity in a thoughtful manner can also demonstrate to your own kids that it’s okay to ask about someone’s differences in a respectful way, as it ultimately allows them to be more considerate of the other child’s circumstances and needs.
  3. Set a Good Example for Your Kids: Always remember that your kids are consistently observing you and your actions, especially towards something they are not as familiar with. As a parent, if you act nervous or uncomfortable around peers with disabilities, that may signal to your child that they should act the same way. Lead by example!
  4. Don’t Complicate a Disability to Your Child: As a momma to a child with disabilities, don’t feel like you have to overly complicate trying to explain why a child may be different from the others. From my experience, once kids are able to ask questions about Jonas and why he doesn’t see things like most of us do, they’re able to process it in their own way and move on! Remind yourself that kids are kids, and the ‘why’ can be simple.

Most importantly, remember the value and impact of caring and loving others around you, with or without disabilities. The more your children see you including and loving others of all shapes and sizes, the more likely they will be to treat their peers the same way.  

Laura, co-founder and COO of Jonas Paul Eyewear, started the brand with her husband shortly after their first child, Jonas, was born with a rare-eye condition. From there, Jonas Paul Eyewear was created with the mission of creating stylish eyewear and providing sight to children in need with every purchase.

My mother is disabled. She has been paralyzed since she was 42 when her light-blue VW bus was struck by another vehicle while stopped at an intersection. Her body flew through the front windshield, and she was declared dead at the scene. She wasn’t. She had seven children all under 14 and we needed her. I was three.

I don’t remember much from that time, just a string of well-meaning neighbors and relatives and a lot of frozen lasagna. I do remember visiting her in the hospital on her birthday later that summer. My father had to sneak me in because no children were allowed in the ICU, and I hid under his trench coat so that no one would see me. When I saw her, she was immobilized in a hospital bed and was dressed from head to toe in pale green hospital apparel. She looked shockingly weak. I remember her smiling at me. I was afraid that she would never come home.

After months of hospitalization and rehabilitation, she did come home. The accident caused her to permanently lose the use of her right arm, left leg, diaphragm and neck mobility. Breathing was difficult, and she often became out of breath just from trying to read out loud to me. She couldn’t walk. She couldn’t cough. She couldn’t write. She couldn’t kneel. She couldn’t carry things. She couldn’t do many of the many activities that had comprised her life. And she had seven children, did I mention that?

Against all odds, as time passed, she started walking. I am not sure how it was possible, but my understanding is that she retrained different muscles in her body to compensate for those that could no longer work. At first, the walks were short, but they got progressively longer until eventually, she could poke along for several blocks. She learned to write left-handed. She learned to knit with one hand and has created countless beautiful pieces. She relearned to drive with a special knob on the steering wheel. She relearned to swim by holding on to little floaties. She is a fantastic cook and learned to utilize all manner of cool, one-handed contraptions to help her navigate her way in the kitchen. She seemed to refuse to give anything up. But all this was lost on me because I couldn’t remember her any different.

By the time I was six, I had become well-versed in pushing her wheelchair, and I would torment her by pushing her over grates that opened to the subway far below and laugh and laugh as she would shriek in fear. Sounds mean, right? But, to me, there was nothing wrong with her. I was just teasing, and she seemed to be playing along. Her disability was as normal as any mother’s slightly annoying, but endearing habit. As I got older I would push that wheelchair down bumpy, forested paths up and over all manner of tree roots and gravel. She would groan good naturedly and hold on tight with her good hand. She has been launched from that thing several times and is always trying to find a wheelchair more suitable for all-terrain travel. Just last year I pushed her through a jungle in Mexico so that we could see Mayan ruins. It can’t be comfortable, all that jostling and jarring, but she always wants to go.

I cut her no slack. She cuts herself no slack. Today she is 87.

I only have one memory of my mother before her accident. I am sitting on a metal folding seat, attached to the back of my mother’s black, clunky Schwinn. The seat is covered with a blue-plaid vinyl. It has little metal armrests and a small backrest. Not at all safe by today’s standards. My legs dangle freely below. I kick them forward and back. My mother’s legs are pedaling up and down, and her butt is in my face. It swishes a little, side to side. I don’t mind. Her efforts are creating a nice breeze, and the landscape whizzes by. Green grass, suburban lawns, huge maple trees. She is talking and laughing with my father who is on a matching bike.

I know there must be some connection between my mother’s internal drive and my quest to remain physical and engaged with life. She could have given up so many times, but she didn’t. She still doesn’t. She is hauling herself up to an island in Maine from Philadelphia for a visit again this summer. The trip involves a lot of logistics and not everything is handicapped-accessible in the little cottages she rents. Her mobility is decreasing and little tasks are getting more difficult, but she’ll be damned if she is going to stay home and sit around. She doesn’t want to miss out!

My determination pales in comparison.

Beginning in August 2019, my son Oakley and I will cycle across America over the course of three months. Oakley is a spirited 15-year-old boy who has always struggled to fit into the confines of mainstream culture. I am Leah, his mother—and we are ready for adventure.

 

 

When Bright Children Struggle to Learn: How to Build Confidence & Joy

Noah is a bright third-grader who has always struggled to learn. Nothing comes easy for Noah despite his Herculean efforts, outside tutoring and documented intellectual abilities. He gets in trouble in class for not being organized, daydreaming, not completing assignments and “not trying hard enough.” Noah feels defeated because even with all of the extra help he’s getting, nothing is getting easier. Reading, spelling and math are still struggles. Noah doesn’t learn like his classmates and can’t feel the success they do. He is sad, frustrated and feels “stupid.”

Noah has a learning difference—not a learning disability or disorder. Noah isn’t stupid. Actually Noah is very bright and can learn many things that his classmates themselves would find challenging.

There are many students like Noah in classrooms across America—bright, yet with learning differences, who struggle to learn core subjects like reading, spelling and math. Unfortunately, their lack of success with learning makes them feel bad about themselves and can affect their desire to learn. Without success, they are robbed of experiencing confidence and joy. When children face daily tasks or situations in which they consistently fail, they will feel defeated, frustrated, sad and anxious. Constant academic struggles and lack of success are huge robbers of confidence and joy in bright children with learning differences.

Every child needs to be supported, encouraged and recognized for his or her unique talents. When learning differences aren’t identified and investigated thoroughly, these struggling students are often misunderstood. Frequently they hear: “You need to try harder;” or “You need to listen better;” or “You have a bad attitude.” Comments like these from parents and teachers only make them feel worse. They also act as confidence and joy robbers.

All children want to be successful. But, if their brains are wired in such a way that they have difficulty focusing, listening, getting organized or focusing for extended periods of time, no consequences, threats or bribes can change the way their brains work.

Parents and professionals can help insure these bright but learning different children experience confidence and joy by using DEAR strategies:

Detect

Put on a detective’s hat and determine the child’s learning st‌yle, interests and areas of natural talent. Identify what teaching strategies allow for the child’s learning success.

Encourage

Involve them in activities, tasks and events that allow them to use their natural talents. Encourage professionals working with these children to develop teaching st‌yles that work with the child’s learning st‌yle and natural talents.

Advocate

Go to bat for your child in order for him or her to experience success, confidence and happiness. Involve professionals working with your child to go to bat as well.

Repeat

Repeat activities, strategies, skills and learning situations that work well in allowing for the child’s mastery, sense of well-being and feelings of success. Confidence and joy are natural by-products of success.

With success, confidence and joy, the bright but struggling child’s relationship with learning can change from “I’m stupid” to “I can learn,” and from “I can’t” to “I can!”

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain & Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain is a licensed speech-language pathologist and CEO of the Swain Center for Listening, Communicating and Learning. Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider is CEO of TouchTime International. Drs. Swain and Schneider’s new book, Confidence & Joy, provides parents with tools to help children with learning differences realize lifelong success.

When Teens Struggle to Learn: Bright Tips for Parents

Middle school and high school years are tough for all teens, but for any who struggle to learn, these school years can be a nightmare both academically and socially. By the time these downtrodden young people hit middle school and high school, they’ve already had several years of learning struggles.

They’ve also had a number of years experiencing frustration, embarrassment, academic defeat and disappointment related to their learning struggles. And if that wasn’t enough, they often have low self-esteem, low or no motivation for learning and feelings of despair. They’ve had too many years of defeat with little or no success.

Students who struggle in school typically have a learning difference. A learning difference doesn’t mean a learning disorder or a learning disability. It simply means that they have a different way of learning academic subjects. Unfairly, many educators and parents have interpreted “different” to be negative or somehow wrong, rather than what it is: different!

Students with learning differences are typically bright and can excel in other academic areas, but struggle or fail with foreign languages, reading, writing and math. The problem most of the time is that schools’ teaching methods and st‌yles aren’t modified to mesh with a teen’s specific learning st‌yle. That’s when they end up struggling so hard to learn.

The stakes are even higher for middle and high school students because of academic and social pressures. After years of academic struggle, teens with learning differences may appear to parents and educators to have a bad attitude or lack motivation. This often isn’t the case.

These are students who haven’t experienced enough academic success to have confidence in learning. They’re unable to experience the joy of learning that their non-struggling peers experience. Homework hassles, negative self-talk, low motivation, withdrawal, back talking, irritability, non-compliance or disobedience are all reflections of years of ongoing struggle and a lack of success. After years of not grasping lessons and content—although they’ve tried their hardest—leaves them feeling defeated. They’ve had too many years of struggle and failure and not enough success and joy to balance it out. Oftentimes, they just give up.

Confidence and joy are to a young person’s positive development as air is to life. This is particularly true for teens with learning differences. The adults in their lives must figure out how teens with learning differences can learn—because they want to learn! They’re just afraid of more struggle, failure or despair.

When the teaching methods used for struggling learners aren’t working for these bright teens, it’s time to change the strategy and figure out how to help them to learn and be successful! Parents of teens with learning differences can help them realize success the BRIGHT™ way:

Build confidence and joy by recognizing that a learning difference is not a disability or a disorder. It’s not the teen’s fault that he or she has a learning difference. As a parent, assure your teen that you know he or she is smart, respected and valued.

Recognize that your teen has a learning difference and let your teen know that you’re okay with it. Recognize your teen’s natural gifts and talents and how to best use them to build learning successes. Together with your teen, recognize learning st‌yles that work best and result in success—and make for a confident and happy learner.

Identify key professionals and educators who can work with you and your teen to build academic, social and emotional success. You may want to seek professional counseling with experts in the area of learning differences. Form a “success team” for your teen that may include parents, teachers, counselors, tutors, therapists and employers who all collaborate together for your teen’s success.

Get your teen involved in activities that allows him or her to explore new learning that feels “safe” and successful. Seek out fun, stimulating and engaging learning opportunities that can tap into your teen’s natural talents and strengths so that he or she can “shine” and experience confidence and joy.

Honor, respect, celebrate and share your teen’s natural gifts and talents so that others can also value and appreciate his or her contributions to activities they’re involved in. Participate in inclusive communities or groups where all teens are encouraged to use their natural gifts for the good of others and who can experience success, confidence and joy.

Teach others about learning differences—what they are and what they’re not. Help others to understand that these young people are bright and talented, but have a different way of learning. Let others know these teens can achieve lifelong success given the right teaching methods and learning opportunities.

All teens with learning differences want the same outcomes as their peers: success, confidence and happiness. Helping them get there leads to confident and happy adults.

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain & Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain is a licensed speech-language pathologist and CEO of the Swain Center for Listening, Communicating and Learning. Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider is CEO of TouchTime International. Drs. Swain and Schneider’s new book, Confidence & Joy, provides parents with tools to help children with learning differences realize lifelong success.