ML Interest Tag: distract

Good Advice: Managing through Mealtime Wars

By Ruthi Davis

Advice from Blogger Ruthi Davis’ “Ask Ruthi” Column:

QUESTION

Dear Ruthi,

I love my lil’ monsters, but I’m clearly having “one of those weeks.” Can you please help me? I feel like throughout most meals, the kids make everything a game, act overly silly—they become so distracted that they don’t finish eating or spill their food—not to mention the excessive reminders to use an inside voice, not talk with their mouth full, etc. How do I find an even-flow at dinner, let the kids share their day, but also allow parents/adults to talk also? Also, how do I teach my kids to sit and eat their dinner?

Thank you!
Mimi

ANSWER

Dear Mimi,

Thanks for your openness and honesty! I’m sorry that you’ve been experiencing a tough week, although you can rest-assured that you’re not the only one. You have actually—quite accurately—captured the typical toddler struggles between parents and children.

The good news, however, is that with the right mix of modeling, consistency, reassurance, and reward (and it’s not what you think!), it’s ALL teachable over time.

Mealtime Manners

I’ve been there, believe me. I’ll paint the picture, as I know it so well:

The endless struggle between kids who just want to “have fun” and annoyed parents who want peace and sanity at the table Toddlers who act out at the table because they’re just “bored” of sitting without entertainment Mom trying to desperately repeat table manners to distracted ears Mom’s desperate plea to her kids, “just eat!” Mom struggling through conversation with her husband, while managing the chaotic little table patrons

The. Struggle. Is. Real. Mealtime can be so stressful, no doubt—and going out to eat isn’t always so pleasant either.

How does it get better? Does it even get better? Yes, yes it can.

Engaging the Senses

Let’s face it—kids are curious and full of energy. Toddlers may often have a hard time just sitting for long periods of time to eat food that is not considered “fun” or “exciting” to them. Their natural inclination is to play, laugh, move around their seat, engage their senses, and find a game, goofy behavior, or toy to focus on instead. Constant nagging, repeating, and threatening consequences may seem like the only way… but it often falls to ears that have tuned you out long before your begging session. You want your child to learn, and you don’t want to resort to zombie-mode with an electronic device or tv blaring in the background either.

One of the greatest lessons that I have learned with four kids of my own is to stimulate their mind with the entertainment that they crave and is acceptable.

“I have an important question for you! I’ll only ask when you’re sitting flat and center on your chair, and have taken a bite. Who will go first?”

Offer each child your full attention by asking his/her opinions and thoughts about any topic relevant in their world. Demonstrate active interest and importance, and then offer your individual thoughts as well. Simply model conversation techniques. Not only does this practice offer a boost of self-validation and confidence for the child, but also models proper conversation practice.

“Who wants to play a game?”

Tap into each child’s mind with a verbal activity that suits the meal. Start a simple game of “I Spy” as they actively eat their meal throughout the game. Other games could include basic math skills using their fingers. Phonics games, such as “I’m thinking of an animal that starts with the letter _” are also wonderful mental exercises that are practical, educational, and fun. Older siblings particularly enjoy speed-maths as a group, or individual questions based on skill level. The basic premise is to demonstrate the underlying facets of conversation, turn-taking, active mealtime, mental stimulation to calm the body, confidence-building, and modeling appropriate verbal play between siblings.

“Wow, I love how well you’re eating!”

The best reward is to praise the positive, no matter how trivial. Demonstrate proper manners and explain their importance if a child continues the same bad habit. Instead of repeating so much… just don’t. Let the children know that they lose dessert or an activity after three strikes at the table. The best part is that the strike doesn’t have to include an angry face, repeating, or shouting. A calm shake of the head, special look, or soft discouragement of the action and a silent counting finger in the air let’s the child know that you’re completely serious (and stay consistent). Praise builds confidence and losing a privilege deters the action from happening again, even if it takes a few times to learn the hard way. For other incentives, such as earning “stamps,” tap into an innovative stamp system on my “Game-Changer Chart for Frustrated Parents” blog.

“Ouch! Stop stepping on me with your words!”

Turn-taking in conversation is actually a skill—learning to speak in a space. When a child’s thought is imminent and he/she is worried about forgetting and is excited to share, not a moment passes before a child will blurt out a comment in the midst of conversation and repeat it loudly until heard and acknowledged. This skill is a tricky one but still teachable. Hold up your hand like a stop sign toward the child who is speaking out of turn with a quick mention that you were in the middle of another conversation first but would love to hear his/her though after you’re finished, helps to convey your point. Remember, you are the crossing guard of table conversation. I also enjoy imagery to better explain my feelings with children. I often explain that when we wait in line, we offer space between each person. We don’t step on each other or push each other out of the way. We need to take turns. This works particularly well in conversation also. I ask the kids not to “step on each other with their words” and have respect for each turn. When multiple children begin speaking at the same time, I may cover my ears and explain that I can’t understand anyone when two are speaking at the same time. Turn-taking and speaking in a space (interjecting with an add-on thought during a space of conversation) are essential social tools that are necessary throughout life and can easily be instilled from a young age.

“Eeew, I don’t want to see your chewed up food.”

Kids become excited to speak when they have an important thought—even mid-chew. Explain the importance of finishing the food in his/her mouth before speaking, dangers of choking while speaking, and offering the tools to manage this scenario are key. Demonstrate how to cover our own mouth with one hand and place one finger in front to indicate a pause for swallowing. This effectively “saves their spot in line” of conversation. If a child continues to speak with a full mouth, I generally remind the child that I don’t want to see his/her chewed up food nor can I understand the garbled speech. “Please finish your mouth so I can understand.” Model the behavior again and don’t offer any more attention until the child obliges.

Fight Distraction Through Action

The Broken Record Syndrome is exhausting, mind-numbing, and often angering… why won’t they just listen?! It’s simple… they’re not robots! Children are curious and easily distracted little sponges soaking up e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. around them all the time. Stop being a drill sergeant or ol’ yeller and make a change to your unflattering and flailing approach.

Morning Time Music

Play music through your computer, iPhone, or radio with some positive and fun tunes. Change up the morning vibe and sing/dance and wake up those kiddos with a silly smile. First one dressed gets to be DJ and pick the next song! Other morning time games and strategies to wake up and go can be found on my “5 Tips to Ending Morning Meltdowns” blog. Game of Speed: Kids love challenges, so ask the kids to pick the number of seconds within a range that they can safely complete a task. When an activity is a game, everyone wins. Remember to always praise good listening, effort, and follow-though. Continue this until their quick attention and action become inherent, but don’t lose sight of your appreciation and acknowledgent. Repeat Until Its Done: Kids know they can forget because they’re easily distracted. Help them by stating your expectations in short statements. Repeat or sing these phrases, and then ask them to do the same until it’s done. For instance, in the morning, you may say, “Teeth. Socks. Shoes.” Repeating until it’s done offers a practical way to remember and complete a task on a mission.

Remember, when you’re annoyed, tired of repeating, or just exhausted… try to envision the world through your child’s eyes. Instead of quickly responding to the superficial action, try to understand the why and the instinctive need and then think of a way to help a child learn and grow.

With Love,

Ruthi

 

Photo: Ruthi Davis Photography

Ruthi Davis is a the Founder of Ruth Davis Consulting LLC with over two decades of success in advertising/marketing, media/publicity, business development, client relations, and organizational optimization for a variety of clients. Ruthi is a proud mom and influencer in the parenting and family market as founder of the Superfly Supermom brand.

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4 Reasons Why Any Parent Could Forget a Baby in Their Car

By Michael Braunold

Unfortunately, forgetting a child is in the backseat of the car is not something that only happens to “bad parents.” In fact, 2018 was the highest year on record for tragic pediatric vehicular heatstroke. Experts agree this can happen to even the most devoted parents. With that in mind, all parents and caretakers should be aware of the scenarios that can cause distraction from the baby in the backseat.

Not all these scenarios can be avoided, but if parents and caregivers are aware of these four situations that can happen to anyone, they can ensure extra precautions are taken at these times to avoid forgetting their child is in the backseat.

1. Having a Bad Day. When frazzled parents are having a bad day at home or at work, it is easy to forget everyday things like your little baby sleeping quietly in the back of the car. Being distracted by a rough work day or a difficult family problem can cause a parent’s mind to wander.

2. Distracted When Getting Out of the Car. As social media and texting become more prevalent, people are becoming more distracted. If you’re checking social media or on the phone while getting out of the car, it is easy to forget important routines.

3. Popping Out of the Car for “Just a Few Minutes.” If a parent is just jumping out of the car to pick up ordered groceries, drop of mail at the post office, fill the car with gas or another quick task, it can be dangerous. It’s easy to forget your baby waiting in the back of the car when your mind is focused on completing a quick and easy task – and unfortunately even what feels like just a few minutes is dangerous in a hot, closed vehicle.

4. Other Caregivers. When a grandparent or babysitter is watching a baby and it is not their normal routine, it can be all too easy for them to forget the baby in the car. Additionally, if one parent typically does pick up or drop off at daycare, a day out of the ordinary when the other parent is responsible for the baby can be fatal if extra precautions are not taken.  

Because there are several scenarios in which children can be forgotten in hot cars, it is important for safeguards to be put in place. Not all of these scenarios can be avoided—bad days will happen, emergency phone calls sometimes must be taken via Bluetooth in the car and every parent will use babysitters. The important thing is being aware of these situations that cause child vehicular heatstroke in order to avoid tragedy. While they are almost always genuine accidents by loving parents or caregivers, they are easily preventable when steps are taken to keep distractions at a minimum. 

One easy solution to prevent this potential tragedy? The eClip. It’s a device that attaches easily inside the car and connects to a cell phone via Bluetooth. It alerts parents if they walk more than 25 feet from their car without removing their child. 

Michael Braunold is CEO of Elepho, Inc, the company that created eClip. eClip is a device that attaches easily inside the car and connects to a cell phone via Bluetooth. It alerts parents if they walk more than 25 feet from their car without removing their child.

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Tackling Toddler Tantrums

By Divya Agrawal

Parenting is a whole new dimension when you have a toddler. Now your sweet baby has learned to speak and isn’t afraid to cry or throw themselves on the ground to get what they want. From the taste of morning toothpaste to choosing just the right bedtime nightwear, it’s not only what they want but wanting it right now! Toddlers are like little tyrants! Right? They’ve created their own rules now and they want to try and test everything (and everyone) that they will come across.

It is a challenging stage for parents but life can be a little easier (for you both) by following these parenting tips for toddlers.

1. Shift Their Focus: First, try to connect with your toddler emotionally. Only then you will be able to distract them with something else because they trust you completely. Unfortunately, toddlers don’t get distracted easily. You can try to guide them towards an activity that is a bit closer to their original demand.

If your toddler wants a drink in their favorite sipper and you are unable to find it, offer the drink in another sipper with a new straw. You can also give them the option to choose another sipper or cup that are available. Options will help them forget what they were upset about and freaking out. They might forget the feeling of helplessness in the process of selection and new choices available to them.

2. Show Empathy: Kids get restless when they are not heard. If you let them know that you understand what they are trying to say, half the battle is won. Toddlers need to know that you hear them positively and understand their feelings. In this way, their demands decrease. Before saying ‘no’ you can validate your child’s feelings. It will convert his disappointment into a meltdown.

If your toddler wants to go to a park, you can listen to them calmly and respond accordingly. You can say, ‘I know you want to go out for some fun. I also wanted to go with you but the weather is not allowing us to go today. Once the weather is better, we will definitely go to the park.’ It will reassure your child’s demand and they will understand that you listened and promised to go later. But never make fake promises as it will only result in a bad child behavior later on.

3. Prepare Them Emotionally: We all get irritated when we are upset. So you need to be prepared with toddlers every time. It is one of the best parenting tips for toddlers. Avoid planning an outing when your child is upset or tired. If it is important to go out, take along their favorite snacks, drinks, and a stroller to make them comfortable. To avoid frustrating situations, do your best by taking out extra time for any activity. In case your child gets frustrated with a particular activity, keep half an hour margin so they will not feel rushed.

4. Empower Your Child: You can let your toddler feel empowered and capable by involving them in decision making. It will assure their voice matters. You can ask them to pick an activity or snack by giving them options. 

5. Stick to a Routine: If you change their routine suddenly, they might throw tantrums. You can prepare your toddler in advance that you might change things later this week. You can introduce changes gradually after discussing them.

 

This post originally appeared on Wonder Parenting.

Hi Team,

I'm a mommy of a 9-year-old girl! I am an ACS by profession and writer by passion. This passion for reading and writing drove me to express my thoughts and experience on parenting in the form of a blog. Do check my personal blog - Wonder Parenting!!!

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14 Essential Tips for Moms Pumping at Work

by Erin Lem
Partner Content

However you choose to feed baby—nursing, formula or a combo of both—returning to work after having a baby is no easy feat. And, breastfeeding moms who plan to pump at work encounter a unique set of challenges. Turn your anxiety into confidence with our best tips and tricks for pumping moms returning to work. Many of our staff pumped when returning to the office and we’re dishing insider know-how from moms who have been there, done that. You got this, mama!

1. Fight for Your Rights
Fight for your rights to have a private place to pump. In fact, it’s federal law for employers to provide employees with reasonable break time and a place to pump that isn’t a bathroom. Read more about the federal law here and don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself to your employer.

photo: unsplash

2. Make It a Priority
Block off time on your calendar to pump and treat it like an important meeting. Be upfront with your colleagues that this 30-minute window cannot be interrupted or moved. If you’re nervous talking to your non-parent colleagues about pumping, think of it as you educating them about returning to work as a nursing mom and be proud that you’re normalizing breastfeeding and pumping.

3. Choose a Pump That’s Convenient, Comfortable & Effective
The Luna Breast Pump from Motif Medical is built for modern moms who want a pump that maximizes output, has a quiet motor and is covered by insurance. The Luna boasts hospital-strength suction with moms reporting that using the Luna means pumping more milk in less time. Other features include a backlit LCD screen for those late-night sessions, a night light, quiet motor and auto shut off. Learn more at motifmedical.com, buy it on Amazon or use their insurance lookup tool to check your insurance coverage now.

4. Keep It Consistent
Pump every time your child would nurse so generally 3 times a day, depending on your baby’s age and how often she eats. As always, defer to your pediatrician for feeding amounts and schedules.

5. Extra, Extra!
If possible, keep an extra pump, pump parts and pumping bra at work so you don’t have to haul everything back and forth from home to work every day.


Photo: ExplorerBob from Pixabay

6. Stay Hydrated
Most breastfeeding moms will tell you that staying hydrated is essential to keeping your supply up. Keep a big bottle of water at your desk and bring it into the pumping room with you. Forget to drink during the day? Some moms swear by water bottles like this one that reminds you of your intake by the hour.

Pro tip: our editor loves this water bottle for its convenience—you can use it one handed!

photo: Stacy Spensley via flickr

7. Eat Well
Pumping requires calories and keeping up a good supply requires that mama stays nourished. For eight snack ideas that require only one hand to eat, check out this post.

8. Bring Baby with You
Ok, you may not be bringing baby with you to the office, but how about the next best thing? Load up your phone with videos and photos of your little one to help you relax and “let down.” Some moms even watch a video of their baby crying or have a small item of clothing like a hat or shirt that smells like their child.

9. Stay Distracted
Our editors have said that the worst thing you can do is stare at the pumping bottle as it fills (or does not) fill up. Keep yourself relaxed and distracted by queueing up your favorite podcast to take your mind off the task at hand. If you’re nervous that you’re losing out on work time, some moms like to bring their computer in the room to write emails or surf the web while you do it.

Pro tip: one lactation consultant swears by this hack that covers the bottle when you pump.

10. Minimize Cleaning
Pump directly into storage freezer bags. If you’re not sure if your pump allows for that, check Amazon for adaptors. Our editors also suggest storing your pump parts in a ziploc bag and placing in the fridge. Wash everything at the end of the day. If you would rather sanitize every time, some moms like to clean the pump parts with a steam bag after every pump.

photo: Vertie via Pixabay

11. Label It
Bring a sharpie you can label milk with the date and number of ounces. Our Editorial Director used strips of painter’s tape, which she could easily peel off her reusable containers.

12. Transport in Style
Make sure you have a small cooler bag to carry pumped milk back home in. We love these PackIt freezable lunch bags—the freezer gel is built into the lunch bag so you don’t have to worry about transporting gel packs to and from work. Plus, baby can use this lunch bag when he gets to school age.

13. Ask for Help
We can’t tell you how many times our editor has sent her BFF texts in the middle of the night asking everything under the sun about pumping. If you don’t have a tribe to ask questions to, good news: there are plenty of online groups and websites you can turn to for help. From La Leche League to moms Facebook groups to local lactation consultants (ask your doctor for a referral), find the educational tips you need.

14. You’re a Boss
Remember that you can’t do it all and don’t feel guilty about being away from your kid, pumping not as much milk as you had hoped for or blocking off your calendar multiple times in a day to pump. Just take it one day at a time and know thousands of moms experience and feel what you’re going through right now. You’re not alone and you rock!

Have any more tips to add? Send them our way to editor AT tinybeans.go-vip.net.

—Erin Lem, Amber Guetebier and Jennifer Silverstein

 

RELATED STORIES:

Pump More & Have Less Stress with this Genius Hack

18 Must-Haves Nursing Moms Need

Save That Breastmilk: Science Has Debunked the Pumping & Dumping Myth

We Are So Here for This Mom’s Brutally Honest Post about Pumping at Work

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7 Tricks to Stay Focused When Working from Home

By Lauren Rothlisberger

Photo: iStock

 

Our current work culture where “everyone is available all the time” is causing exhaustion across the workforce. But there is an added layer of difficulty for parents that are, on top of work requirements, always feeling the pull of the biggest job of all, parenting. One “solution” that people turn to is working from home. And it is true, there are some very real and good advantages to that, but anyone that works from home will also tell you, it is kind of a circus.

Remember the Margo and James incident? A lot of people working at home are seeking more balance, but let’s get something straight, this is not the magic solution. I have been a work at home parent for over 12 years and some days I just wish I went to an office. After experiencing weaving work into my day with babies, toddlers, and teens, I can confirm one of the biggest challenges is that your landscape is constantly changing. You have to reassess your work structure all the time. What happens when that toddler gives up their second nap? Or how do you restructure your day to help with homework after school and still take work calls?

It is important to acknowledge that there are different types of work at home jobs there are people that are working their job remotely but still with a very typical daily structure. These tips are most relevant for people who have full control over their work schedules and weave their work and home timelines together a bit more.

  1. Establish “Do Not Disturb” Time: At the beginning of every week take the time to build out your week. This establishes “do not disturb” time or hours that are protected (by you) for work. What you will find when you work at home and have kids, is that almost no two weeks are the same. There is always some wild card item (doc appt., meeting, school event) that changes the landscape of your week. If you know you need to work 20 hours this week then look at the next 5 days, mark off the time you know you can NOT work, now schedule in your working blocks. And most important of all, protect them.
  2. Frame Your Week: If there are items in your work that are repeated often or consistent habits you want to build, then create a framework for that in the week. For example, I send out a weekly newsletter with three interesting items (articles, podcasts, videos, etc) and a couple of my own comments on each. I send it out every Thursday. In order to do this, I keep an excel spreadsheet that I use to track all the content I have read, listened to, or watched. I put a few notes in there and it becomes my brain dump. Then when Thursday rolls around I just compile this info, edit it and push it out. I have a personal challenge to not miss a week unless it is scheduled in advance. The longer I go with this “no week off” the more momentum I feel behind it.
  3. Determine the Best Time for Tasks: Not all work is created equal. There is certain work you do that is more impactful while other items are just tasks that need to be accomplished, but don’t hold as much weight. There is work you will do that will pull on your mind and focus more than other work. Depending on your personal bio-rhythm and your current parenting circumstances you need to determine when you are at your best. This is one of the advantages of working from home. You can design your day to take advantage of your strongest times. Personally, I have trained myself to become an early riser. Anything that requires focus and thought (writing, designing) I tackle early in the day. As the day goes on I grow more tired and more easily distracted. I try and schedule phone calls for the afternoon when I hit a lull in the day. I am an extrovert with a strong introvert streak, I do gain energy from others, so when I need energy it is good for me to connect with other people.
  4. Do Not Multitask But Layer Appropriately: One of the biggest lies we are told is that women are better multitaskers. I think this label came from our seemingly inherent ability to hear a baby crying in the other room, while on the phone, and making dinner. In fact, to me, this “feature” can be more overwhelming. I have trouble shutting out the world around me because my brain seems to engage in everything regardless of whether I want to or not. When you sit down to accomplish focused work do NOT try and multitask. Focus on one thing at a time. It is hard, you sit down to write and all the sudden you need to check or email or pay your cell phone bill. Those are distractions. While I don’t like multi-tasking, I am a fan layering time. Use the time that you are spending doing mindless work (dishes, folding, driving) to study. There is certainly always room for continuing education, use this time to try and feed your mind with things like audiobooks or podcasts.
  5. Get Help: If you have young kids at home you might feel guilty asking someone to come into your house to help with the kids. Especially if you are not financially contributing a lot, you may feel like it is not fair to spend money having someone else help with the kids. Don’t fight this, if it is at all possible schedule some time when you can fully focus on your work. You will get 10 times more done when you are working within these constraints. Work tends to expand to the amount of time we give it. Hiring someone to help you with enforcing some time-blocking. It will also allow you to shift your attention fully to your kids after those hours.
  6. Turn Off Notifications: There are many, many articles written about how distracted we have become. If you are on a limited timeline working from home, you can not afford to react to every notification you get. You can turn on “do not disturb” mode on your computer and devices. If you are like me and worried you will miss an important call from your kid’s school or your spouse you can set it up where those are the only numbers that get through. In addition, turn off all the notifications that pop up on your phone from Facebook, Instagram, and email.
  7. Leave the Dishes: Do not underestimate this piece of advice. This is one of the biggest issues with working from home. There are always chores that need to be done. It is true that working at your house allows you to do a few things that you couldn’t do during the day (like throw in that load of laundry), but if you need to have your house in a perfect state you are never going to get anything done. The thing is, those dishes will still be there when your tasks for the day are complete.

These seven points of advice are much easier said than done. I constantly fight hard to follow these rules. As soon as I wrote the work laundry I remembered I need to put a load in and almost got up to do so. Fight against the distraction, if you are really focused for a short period of time, you will accomplish just as much (if not more) then spending three times as long but jumping between tasks.

Lauren Rothlisberger
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Hi, I am Lauren Rothlisberger from the dailycurator.co.  I work at home with four kids and I am a military spouse. I am determined to integrate family, work into a well thought out day. I don’t believe in the validation of being busy, but instead the fulfillment in spending time purposefully and usefully. 
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5 Effective Ways to Curb Your Teen’s Phone Addiction

By Cindy Price

Any parent knows just how attached to their phones teens are. They simply can’t seem to put them down even when they clearly should. Two of my teens were particularly glued to their screens no matter what I did to dissuade them. In fact, at some point, I began worrying that they had a phone or internet addiction.

While this seemed like a manageable issue, it took on a different dimension when my teens started driving. Handing over the car keys to a teen driver is terrifying, even if your state ranks as one of the safest for teen drivers. I was worried about all the things that could go horribly wrong especially if they insisted on focusing on their phones instead of the road.

So I decided to be proactive. I wasn’t going to wait around until disaster struck. I was going to take steps to prevent my kids from texting at the wheel.

Here’s what worked:

Talking to my teens about it
I started addressing the issue of distracted driving way before any of my teens got behind the wheel. I wanted the message to stick so I brought it up often. We talked about the dangers of distracted driving and even the laws against it in our state. I also made them pledge to drive phone-free.

Scaring them a little
My teens often think that I blow things out of proportion. To ensure that they took my advice seriously, I gave them a dose of reality. I had them watch a couple of PSA videos on what happens when you text and drive. That sobered them up quickly.

Setting clear rules and consequences
All my teens understand that driving is a privilege that can be taken away if they aren’t responsible about it. We set the rules together and I made sure they understood the consequences of breaking them. For instance, if one of them texted or called while driving, they were going to lose their driving privileges for 3 months. That seems like forever for teens so it made them take the matter seriously.

Modeling good phone habits
Sometimes we parents are guilty of the very things we’re advising our kids against. We might be telling our teens not to text, call or answer their phones when their attention should be on the road, only to turn around and do those things ourselves. I wanted my teens to have a good example to emulate so I walked the talk. I never use my phone when driving and I also don’t call or text them if I suspect there’s a chance that they’re behind the wheel.

Apps saved the day
Another great tactic that worked was installing apps on my teens’ phones that shut off texting when their cars reached certain speeds. These apps work with the phone’s GPS to monitor speed and can be configured to send automated responses to texts or calls when vehicles hit a speed of your choice.

I still get nervous whenever my teens hop in the driver’s seat but I’m happy to know they’ve taken my advice to heart

Cindy Price would like to say she's a parenting expert but she knows better than to do that. As a parent educator and writer for over 15 years, she's well-aware how quickly parenting practices evolve. Family is her greatest joy and she hopes her writing can help make families stronger. 

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Here’s What Happened When I Recognized My Social Media Addiction

By Lisa Canning
Photo: Pixabay

For 30 days, I went without social media. And I survived. I hate to admit it, but I had become addicted to my phone. I would get anxious if I could not find it. I would get literal sweats thinking about messages I was missing, or comments that were left unaddressed. My phone had become my escape from toddler tantrums, spilled cheerios on the floor and cold coffee spilled on my white couch. I did not want to admit I had a problem, but when my 5-year old daughter drew a picture of my family and included my phone in my hand I knew I had to make some changes.

When my husband challenged me to the concept of a work and social media sabbatical for 30 days, I knew it was going to be hard. But I had no idea how hard. For the first 2 days I had literal shakes. I had removed my email, and all social media apps from my phone, but the habit of checking my social media app at any available moment had become so habitual, that I would tap the blank screen where they once were. When I would open my phone and realize there was nothing on it to do on my phone, I would sit there restless and unsettled. I had no idea how much I had relied on my social media apps to provide me affirmation, entertainment and a means of escape. Kicking the habit of constantly engaging my mind and my thumbs was a really hard shift.

But then towards the end of that first week I got used to my new normal. I left my phone in my purse, rather than having it on my body at all times. I read books with my kids without being distracted. I took walks without being distracted. I basically did normal things in life, that I used to do before I had a smartphone, without constantly being distracted.  Doing things without being distracted. What a novel concept. I am a high achiever. I have a ton of stamina and can get a lot of things done in a day. But interestingly, my biggest takeaway from my social media sabbatical was that by doing less, I actually achieved so much more. And the things I did give my attention to, got a lot more of me.

Here are my top observations from my walk in the social media desert, and why I think everyone should take a break from social media on the regular.

1. IT HELPS CLARIFY WHERE YOU SHOULD BE SPENDING YOUR TIME When my husband would nag me about how much time I spent on my phone, I would roll my eyes and in my head think, “Oh dear husband, how little you know about my career. I run a business! I’m an influencer! Don’t you understand I need to be connected at all times to respond to comments, answer queries, and remain relevant to my audience?”  Since I did not want to fall off the face of the internet universe completely, I did pre-program a few posts here and there, and told my followers of my absence. I put an auto-responder on my email. I even had my sister monitor my DM inboxes for me just in case something urgent came through. And what happened? Life went on. Everything continued to operate. I still got comments on things. I still got requests for info. And while I did not personally respond to everything, they all got handled.  The lack of noise and constantly responding to things really helped me see where my gifts could serve my customers best, and where my talents could make the most impact in both my family and my business.

2. I BECAME A BETTER FRIEND  This might sound a little grade six school yard like, but hear me out. I love social media- and I love some of the friendships I have made on my various platforms. But the absence of social media made me miss certain people. And so I picked up the phone and actually called them. And they called me. It was like returning to a time pre-smart phones and to what friendship was like back then: a time you actually connected with a person by hearing their voice and conversing back and forth. And it was awesome.  While social media is an amazing tool for connecting people, and I absolutely see its value, the absence of it made me a more intentional friend, and that was such an unexpected bonus.

3. I GOT MORE DONE BY DOING LESS This is revolutionary- be less busy and you get more done! I really had no idea the firm grasp social media had on my life. I kid you not, I was probably engaging in non-intentional (meaning just random scrolling, tweeting, liking, hearting) social media consumption for upwards of 6 hours a day. Yup, you read that right. This six hours was not all at once of course- in line at the grocery store, waiting for my order at a restaurant, while my kids played at the park, as soon as I got out of an appointment, the moment I opened my eyes in the morning, and the last thing I saw before going to sleep. You don’t think those little moments add up to much- what’s 15 minutes here and there, right? But string together those 15 minutes all day long and you get a massive chunk of time that you’ll never get back. Imagine what could be done with six hours a day? The absence of the constant distractions meant my mind was quiet. I was able to think about one thing at a time. And let me tell you, that bore a lot of fruit. I wrote. I schemed. I planned. I dreamed. I prayed. And some serious stuff came to the surface that I think I had suppressed in a sea of social media swimming.

4. I WAS NICER TO EVERYONE AROUND ME As a result of my phone addiction, I had become so incredibly distracted all the time. I was always finishing up just one last post, always responding to just one more comment. I was always doing something at the same time as something else. And my family suffered. I was short with the people I loved most, and not present to the people with whom I can do the most good.  Without constantly feeling pulled in other areas, I was more present and more grounded, and I think everyone benefited from it.

5. I DID NOT COMPARE MYSELF TO STRANGERS The first observation I found when I started engaging in social media again after my social media sabbatical, was that I went right back into comparing myself to total strangers, and feeling envious. No good comes from envy, and I was super surprised how quickly the feeling came over me within seconds of returning to social media. I write all of this because I never thought I could live without social media. And I survived. And I think that you could too.

If you’d like to reduce the amount of time you spend on your phone and examine your relationship with it as a result, here are a few strategies to set you up for success:

– Only use social media at designated times of the day, and stick to these periods like you would a gym class or any other appointment.

– Use a tool like HootSuite to pre-program social media posts so you can streamline your usage of these apps. – Use an app like Freedom or AppDetox to set time limits and block certain apps at certain times to improve productivity, mindfulness, and connection with others.  – Remove social media apps from your phone and only use them on your laptop or desktop computer.

 

Interior designer from HGTV’s “Buying and Selling with the Property Brothers,” lifest‌yle expert, author and mom of seven Lisa Canning almost lost her family by pursing career success. Now she coaches moms on how to live their best lives, eliminate stress, feel less guilt and get more done while chasing their dreams.

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Baby Crew Is Ready for Demo Day in Chip Gaines’ Cutest ’Gram Ever

by Erica Loop

If you don’t already follow Chip Gaines on IG, you might want to now. His latest pic of baby Crew on Instagram is a major mini moment.

It’s not exactly like there’s a lack of pics that feature the Fixer Upper couple and their beautiful family on IG. But this post kind of takes the cake. Not only is baby Crew outfitted head-to-toe in teeny tiny Carhartt clothes, but the caption is beyond perfect.

“Chip off the old block”—we have to wonder how long Gaines has been holding on to that very dad-like pun!

And if you’re wondering what Gaines’ fans think of the post, the comments say it all. Yep, Instagrammers have flooded the comment section with, “Omg he is adorable,” “Adorable little man,” “He is just the cutest” and “He’s adorable.”

Oh, and it’s not just the Gaines’ family’s IG fans who are totally in awe of cute little Crew. Mama Joanna recently posted a super sweet pic of Crew she captioned, “I told Crew to distract the guys so the ladies could shop a little longer.”

And judging by the photo, that’s exactly what Crew did!

—Erica Loop

Featured Photo: Joanna Gaines via Instagram 

 

RELATED STORIES:

Joanna Gaines Wrote a Children’s Book with Her Kids & You Can Pre-Order It Now

Joanna Gaines Shares Her Secret to Getting Kids to Share Their Room

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10 Tracking Gadgets That Are Perfect for Families

by Melissa Heckscher

Compared to your kid, Houdini was an amateur. If you avoid crowds and frequent fenced-in playgrounds for fear of losing your little one to the Big Wide World, we’ve got good news. From GPS-enabled smartwatches to innovative child leashes (no judgment here!), there’s a whole range of great gadgets and apps designed to stop little escape artists from disappearing—and how to find them if they do. Flip through the slideshow below to see our top picks.

Gizmo Gadget by LG

If your kids have been enviously eyeing your Apple watch, they'll be more than happy to get their hands on the Gizmo Gadget, a sleek phone/watch combo from Verizon that's designed just for kids. It's perfect: Your phone-addicted tots will be able to call and text (and receive calls and texts from) up to nine pre-set numbers without being distracted by the games, internet access, or apps that usually suck them into screen time. The Gadget also has GPS locating capabilities, so you can pinpoint your little wanderer anywhere she goes.

Just-for-fun features include a step-counter, a to-do list, a compass, a voice-changer (so you can get your messages by way of "robot") and a "fun sounds" button that can play a few seconds of silly sound effects. All that and, of course, it tells time.

Note: Parents of younger kids might want to choose the simpler Gizmo Pal, which has no screen and can only call (and receive calls from) up to four numbers. 

Best for ages: 5+

Cost: $149 plus a $5 monthly service fee for Verizon users (For non-Verizon users, a Single Device Plan costs $10 a month.)

Online: verizon.com

 

—Melissa Heckscher

All photos courtesy of retailers

 

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