Has your Scout Elf visited yet this holiday season? The Lumistella Company is kicking off the Christmas season with a virtual event designed to bring holiday happiness to kids of all ages. Santa and his Scout Elves invite families to gather in the comfort of their own home and begin celebrating the holidays with “The Elf on the Shelf’s Night Before Christmas Storytime” featuring Brad Paisley.
“We are honored to bring Santa’s stories to life with Brad in an inventive way that keeps safety first this season,” notes Chanda Bell, co-CEO of The Lumistella Company and Santa’s chief storyteller. “I’ve consulted the Big Guy, and he was thrilled to have Brad’s support for the launch of “The Elf on the Shelf’s Night Before Christmas” storybook (exclusively at Target).”
On Wed., Dec. 2, “The Elf on the Shelf’s Night Before Christmas Storytime” with Brad Paisley will launch on The Elf on the Shelf’s YouTube channel. Paisley will narrate this humorous and festive tale about one Scout Elf’s Christmas Eve mission to serve up the perfect Christmas Eve, which almost ends in disaster before Santa saves the day. In addition, fans can enjoy a sing-along or two on YouTube with The Elf on the Shelf’s Night Before Christmas Song and other festive music videos, or they can immerse themselves in a silly elf-inspired talk show, “Cocoa with Joe.”
Paisley, whose Scout Elves often appear on his social media channels with funny antics each Christmas season, said, “Around our house, the Christmas season is full of family time and fun traditions. One of my favorites is waking up every morning to discover what kind of happiness and hoopla The Elf on the Shelf Scout Elves got in to while we were asleep. Our Scout Elves, Snowflake and Pinocchio, know how to make the holidays a time of joy, celebration and craziness.”
“We are deeply committed to creating joyful family moments, which the world needs now more than ever. Celebrations across the world may look different this year, but the joy of the season as seen through the eyes of children is a reminder that our shared traditions endure,” states The Lumistella Company president, Mike Champion. “We are excited to partner with Brad Paisley this season in bringing a little holiday cheer to all.”
We have a photo wall in my house of black and white pictures from different important stages of our lives. I love the pictures, I love how the wall looks, and I stare at it often. Sometimes I take a moment to really look at it, not just fly by. I usually just look at the kids, but the other day I stared at my face in each picture.
I have no idea what prompted me to do that (I hate looking at myself in general, let alone analyzing a photo of myself) but each face—my face—told a story.
In my wedding photo, I was ecstatic. It was hands down the best day of my life. The picture is of me with my husband during our first dance. I’m beaming with a smile ear to ear…I’m truly happy. We had no time to choreograph our dance, we were barely in the same city, let alone the same room before we got married. But I didn’t care how lame we looked just holding each other and swaying like teenagers—I was married to the love of my life and I was the happiest girl in the world.
The next photo is of my son, exactly seven days after he was born at his Bris (a religious ceremony—and probably the most stressful life event for a new Jewish mom). In the picture, my husband and I were holding him and kissing the top of his head. I looked terrified, my face a complete look of self doubt and uncertainty. Am I holding him too tight, too loose, is he okay, will he be okay, what happens if he cries, what happens if he doesn’t cry, is he too hot, too cold? I literally worried about everything and felt responsible for every single emotion of his—and I was certain I was going to mess it all up.
The next pictures were taken two weeks after my daughter was born. My son was 2 and-a-half years old. My husband and I had a house, a mortgage and two kids. I felt like a real grownup. We could actually afford a fancy studio photographer and fancy birth announcements. I now had two little people counting on me…and I was…exhausted.
In this particular picture of the four of us, I looked impatient. I looked like I had a fake smile and I remember thinking, please everyone just look at the freakin’ camera…just one decent picture. Hoping my naked baby does not poop on me. Hoping my son doesn’t tantrum and refuse to be in a picture, hoping we can get the perfect birth announcement… Thinking: just keep it together people!
Looking back at all these photos, I thought what I would tell my past self, knowing what I know now.
Dear Wedding Day Me,
Remember this day and this feeling forever! The love you have will literally carry you through some dark times. You will be challenged, beyond the point you think you can endure and you will doubt yourself…a lot. Some days will feel like it’s too hard to keep going.
You will walk through fire, sometimes alone, sometimes with your husband by your side, sometimes him holding you and sometimes you holding him. But you will come out the other side holding each other and completely in love! You are stronger than you think.
Dear New Mom Me,
You have so many doubts, everything in you is unsure and worried. That’s okay. Your son doesn’t see any of that. He doesn’t care if you nurse him or give him a bottle. He knows you love him with all your heart and he loves you right back.
You’re his rock, the one he comes to when things go wrong. Tou figure sh-t out and tell him it will be okay. And he believes you ’cause you’re mom. You got this, and…You are stronger than you think.
Dear Veteran Mom Me,
The next couple of years will be tough. You’ll feel like you will never have your stuff together…again…or ever! Your kids will get hurt and you will feel like the worst mom ever. Sh-t gets real. But things get better. They always get better. You’ll walk through fire again…and again…and again—but you get through it, stronger every time.
You will meet many guardian angels throughout the way, in many different forms: just be open to it, to all of it.
Life is messy and unpredictable and so hard for your Type A personality—but you gotta let it go girl! Just let it go and enjoy these fleeting moments. They don’t last. Be present and don’t worry about the perfect picture, because it’s the memory behind the picture that is so much sweeter and better.
And never forget: you will always be stronger then you think.
I'm a mom to 2 busy kids and a pediatrician. My blog is about all things mom, doctor and how the two come together. My goal is to help you find your voice while I find mine and help you become your best version while I become mine!
The world of sports has changed dramatically this year. No matter what happened, one thing stays the same, our love for the games is enduring. Krispy Kreme is celebrating “Sports Spirit Day” with doughnuts.
On “Sports Spirit Day,” Fri., Sept. 25, Krispy Kreme will offer $5 Original Glazed Dozens to everyone sporting team gear, ranging from your favorite pro, college, high school, or any team apparel. Customers can receive the offer at participating shops via carryout or drive-thru.
Additionally, all week Sept. 21-27, fans can visit participating Krispy Kreme shops for a limited edition Sports Dozen – Original Glazed doughnuts teamed-up with sports-themed doughnuts in the form of soccer balls, basketballs, baseballs, and footballs which is sure to treat coaches, players and fans on and off the field. The week-long offer is valid with pick-up, drive-thru and online delivery orders.
“No matter what the playing field looks like this fall, we want to show our appreciation for coaches, athletes and fans at every level for their ongoing commitment and passion,” said Dave Skena, Chief Marketing Officer for Krispy Kreme.
When the parenting headlines match what’s happening in our own homes, we know something’s afoot. And from Tinkergarten team members’ stories to the New York Times, one theme emerged: regression.
Why are our kids regressing, how can we muster the patience to help them through, and, worse yet, will these setbacks persist on the other side of this? I’ve read a handful of articles aimed to support on this front, and they have helped. But, it wasn’t until the other night when I was talking to treasured colleagues on Zoom that something fundamental clicked for me: We are all on a roller coaster, and our kids are strapped in with us.
A metaphor goes a long way.
In teaching both kids and parents, a simple metaphor can help make tricky concepts click—and this idea of a roller coaster has done that for me. Some of us can’t stand roller coasters. I love them, but only the ones I choose to get on and the ones that, I can tell, come to a clear end. COVID-19 fits neither of those criteria, and it is quite an intense ride.
I have kept so busy trying to do all of the quarantine parent/worker/person things, that I had not really stopped to recognize the intense emotional side of COVID-19 life—to see plainly what me, my kids and those I love are experiencing.
If we are feeling it, they are really feeling it.
Hearing and really recognizing that we have every reason to feel like a wreck can go a long way. And if I am a mess with an adult brain that is capable of rationalizing and regulating my emotions, then how can I possibly expect more of my child, who is not yet able to do either of those things? When kids are overwhelmed emotionally, they show a range of responses—from clinging to us more to acting out, tantruming or struggling with siblings. Just knowing that all of those reactions are totally normal and to be expected during a time like this can help.
Kids regress, especially during times of stress.
If you are worried at all about setbacks in your child’s behavior, check out NYTimes Parenting’s recent “Why is My Big Kid Acting Like a Toddler.” It reminds us that regression, the return to earlier stages of development, is actually a mechanism that kids use to protect themselves from the impact of strong emotions. It might not make the fifth tantrum of the day delightful to endure or make it easy for you to find space from a clingy kiddo who used to leave you alone. But knowing that regression is not only natural but also emotionally beneficial for our kiddos lessens both the worry and our struggle to prevent it—and that struggle was making my “tired” even bigger and bolder at the end of the day.
There are a few ways to smooth out the ride.
How can we smooth things out so the highs and lows are not so extreme?
“Thoughts come and go. Feelings come and go. Find out what it is that remains.” —Ramana Marhashi
Breathe deeply. When you are in a rough moment, alone or with your kids, give it some time. Repeat a mantra like, “This too shall pass.” Then, remember to notice how it really does. Even if it takes until your kiddo is fast asleep, see that kids do become sweet again—these moments come, and they go.
Get outside and move! When tough moments hit, step outside or just open a window and take in some fresh air. Natural settings reduce stress, and the switch of scenery and sensory input can help kids and grown-ups to calm and regulate our emotions. At the very least, it can redirect their attention a bit to help the moment pass. We end every day with a walk outside—and there have been some days in which the kids and I, quite literally, are all crying by 5:30 p.m. By the end of our walk, we are back, tired and worn, but ready for dinner and some sweet cuddling.
Cuddle or soothe. Do this in a way that works for your child. Attention, reassurance, and reminders that we are right here for them is what kids need most right now. And, one of the silver linings in all of this is that, for most of us, we are right there—all the time. Experts know that physical touch can enhance brain development and help regulate kids’ nervous systems. In other words, it’s exactly what they might need to break free of a negative cycle. If your child seeks and readily receives physical affection, give loads of extra hugs, squeezes, and touches. If kids will accept a hug when they are off the rails, hold and squeeze them through it. Or, wait until later and cuddle again before the day is through. Even add in extra squeezes as you move through the day.
Mindful “you time.” It is really, really hard to get time for ourselves in the middle of all of this, and you need moments of solo, meditative time to repair. So, even if it is just 10 daily minutes of meditation in bed before kids wake up, a 7-minute workout while they watch a show, or just taking a few moments in the bathroom for yourself, build it in and savor it.
This is a lot, it’s hard, and it’s extraordinary. I’ve realized that so much of the regression that kids and I are feeling is a reflection of this incredible situation. Humans are not meant to be or feel isolated. We contemplate the present and future and need to understand where we are going and have hope for better times. We are experiencing loss and anxiety. Our dreams are even impacted. This is real and big. But, this too shall pass. For now, we need to do whatever we and our kids need to get through until it’s finally time to get off this ride and stand on solid ground again.
After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning.
Necco Wafers fans rejoice! America’s original candy treat is coming back. Spangler Candy Company has announced the return of Necco Wafers to store shelves.
Created in 1847, Necco Wafers are one of the oldest candy brands in existence. The iconic, wax paper rolls filled with assorted flavored discs have quite literally been enjoyed the world over, carried in pockets stateside, shipped to armed forces overseas and even transported by intrepid explorers on Arctic journeys. Due to its enduring popularity, the original recipe for the Necco Wafer has remained essentially unchanged over the years, and now is no exception. Spangler purchased the brand out of bankruptcy two years ago and has been working on its return ever since.
“Just when comfort food is experiencing a resurgence, Necco Wafers is back with that very kind of familiar, comfortable feeling we all seem to be craving,” said Kirk Vashaw, CEO of Spangler Candy Company. “We are delighted to bring Necco Wafers back into production and to share in their sweet return with fans old and new.”
There are eight all-time favorite flavors and colors in the Necco Wafers’ comeback collection: lemon (yellow), lime (green), orange (orange), clove (light purple), cinnamon (white), wintergreen (pink), licorice (dark grey) and chocolate (brown). Seven of the eight flavors were designed to identically match the originals. True Necco Wafers connoisseurs may detect a richer cocoa flavor in the chocolate wafers due to a minor improvement made in the cooking process.
“We know fans have been waiting anxiously for the return of Necco Wafers and anticipate high demand. Our production lines will continue to run as fast as possible to keep stores in-stock,” said Vashaw.
Necco Wafers are rolling out across the nation throughout the summer, beginning with major drugstores, followed by a larger segment of retailers. A complete list of retailers is available on the Spangler Candy Necco Wafers web page: https://www.spanglercandy.com/our-brands/necco-wafers.
“Where is my Mommy?” As I looked down at the almost-four-year-old in my arms, one thought raced through my head: I thought I would have more time before this happened. But here it was—a few days before Mother’s Day, my little boy wanted to know where his mother was.
The story actually starts almost seven years ago when my husband and I started the long, painstaking adoption process that culminated with the birth of our son a little less than four years ago. We always knew we wanted to adopt; and, we always knew the day would come when we would explain to our child why his family had two daddies and no mommy. “We’ve got this.” We thought. “We’ve read all the books, talked to all the people, taken all the seminars and done all of our homework.” Of course, looking down at the four-year-old asking the question, all the nonpractical knowledge went out the window. In the years that spanned the milliseconds that transpired before I answered, my mind wandered far; it wandered wide.
The stork brought you to us. The stork knew that you needed a home when you were born, and we were two Daddies that really wanted a baby to take care of and love. So, it followed a rainbow beacon we sent into the sky to lead it to us. When the stork brought you to us, we said, “Of course, that’s our boy.” And, you stayed with us.
“I am your mother, and I have the scars to prove it,” I thought. “I gave birth to you myself.” The more I thought about the grueling adoption process, the three failed adoptions we had had previously, and one of the roughest, first 18 months of life on record, I felt fairly secure I could call myself a mother. Moms, after all, endure it all. And, live on to fight another day. Here we all were. Living, happily, still fighting.
“You have a Nana, an Abuela a Nina, and multiple Tias who love you very much.” Yes, I thought, you are surrounded by multiple women who are not surrogates for mothers, but rather love and mother you each in their own unique way. These women not only shower you with affection, and discipline when needed, but also are not afraid to pull your Daddies aside when they “need a talking to.” Some of these women are related to your Daddies by blood; some are related by something much stronger: they are related by the bonds that are forged when life creates indelible moments that fuse souls together; moments that create families of choice, rather than happenstance. Some families you are born into; some families your forge with your will. You are a part of such a family.
As I weighed the options, evaluating and reevaluating, I realized there was at least a kernel of truth in all of them. Finally, I responded: “I don’t know where your mommy is. But the last time I saw her, she told me she loved you very much. She wanted to make sure you had two Daddies that would always love you and take care of you and give you lots of kisses and hugs.” The truth. The truth flows so easily. He smiled and drifted off to sleep.
As he sleeps, my mind continued to wander. “Happy Mother’s Day,” I thought, “wherever you are.” “Happy Mother’s Day to all of us.”
Father, children's book critic, writer, judge, director, actor and amature photographer—together with his husband of 25 years—raising an energetic four-year old! "Parent is not just a noun, it's a verb. If you're ever in doubt as to what to do, substitute the word caregiver. It will steer you in the right direction."
Two emotions drive every aspect of human life. One binds, the other separates. Love draws together. Fear pushes apart.
Both emotions exist in our heart, battling for control over our actions and reactions on a daily basis.
For me, years went by before I became cognizant of the emotional power play in my heart as it relates to parenting. When situations became sticky, my psyche too easily fell under siege while disciplining my kids, advising them on decisions, or teaching them about life.
I love my kids deeply and never considered my actions brewing from any source other than love. The problem is, fear often initiates a preemptive strike, tossing a grenade in the bunker of our adoring.
The attack happens for many reasons. Including a lack of understanding and knowledge, inability to relate, or – a biggie for me – the disease of past experiences bleeding into our present circumstances.
Mindful discernment regarding our emotional state gives us pause to reflect on the attitude of our heart as we go through our days loving on our kids and making parental decisions. Self-discovery holds up a temporary white flag, enabling us to change the course of the battle plan if we see fear barking out marching orders.
My personal skirmish between love and fear in my mom heart began as a little stick fight when my kids were young, evolving into a full-fledged war as my kids have grown.
Of course I worried about their safety, health, and emotional well-being through various ages and stages in the developmental years. Panic trips to the doctor after only one day of the sniffles, head-to-toe armored gear before bike rides, and reading the “What to Expect…” series, volumes one through a hundred, over and over.
I could have just waited a few days for the boogs to dry up, decided a concussion was the only thing worry-worthy instead of every scrape and bruise, and simply enjoyed each phase as it came instead of fretting over whether my kid fell on the “normal” end of the spectrum.
Ugh.
Middle school ushered in drama, bullying, and the ugliness of peer pressure. The minor hand-to-hand anxieties evolved into perpetual worry. My mind fretted over whether my kids would endure emotional scarring, succumb to the plague of insecurity, and have the willpower for self-control. These normal, universal childhood struggles were crushing my mom heart.
Observing my kids navigate their adolescence was agonizing because my past is littered with tripped emotional land mines, most of which exploded in my tween years. My innocence was stolen early on, leading to chronic brokenness and vulnerable self-worth. The desire to inoculate my kids from contracting similar diseases, regardless of the source, consumed my spirit, allowing fear to launch a menacing invasion on my home front.
The high school years only heightened the intensity of the battle.
Think driver’s licenses, dating, social media, and ramped up peer influence. Then imagine temptation around drugs and alcohol, prom nights, and all things wearing independence fatigues. Each pose as potential threats to the well-being of our kids as they emerge into adults.
For this battle weary momma, the silent warfare caused a beat down. Then my kid’s high school, in which all three were enrolled, was the target of a merciless school shooting. An atomic bomb dropped into the inner chamber of my heart.
Fear became a superpower.
Although my kid’s precious lives were spared, the trauma of the event contaminated every layer of my mom heart. It wasn’t until I ushered my last kid out the door, marking the beginning of empty nest, that I realized how debilitating the panic and worry had become.
This past year, my kids, bless their beautiful hearts, risked exposing me to the ugly truth of my wayward parenting fears. One at a time, in different scenarios, they each gently brought to light that, although my intentions were good and from a place of love, many times my intercession in their life was morbidly bereft of strength.
Rather, my fearfulness was poisoning their ability to grow, accept failure, endure necessary suffering, find their own way.
I cry as I type this. Not because I’m beating myself up for the millionth time, but because my kids love me that much. They choose love over fear; modeling a healthier road map for me to follow going forward.
Only God knows why I deserve these valiant angels of mercy who have met me at the front lines and placed a surrender flag in my hands.
“Give it up, mom. Stop the fight. Learn to trust.”
That’s what I hear them say even when their lips aren’t moving; their sentiment a tourniquet slowing the bleeding.
Love binds.
Fear separates.
Every feeling, opinion, judgment, and attitude we have stems from love or fear. When we make decisions, the launching point will depend on how we feel in the moment. Our actions, in turn, project one of those attributes to our kids.
How do we want our kids to approach life?
How do we really want to approach life?
My kids have cleared the way for love to conquer fear in my heart battle. All I need to do is surrender; be mindful of my heart’s condition. I’m doing my best.
That’s all any of us can do.
Let love conquer, crazy Momma’s –
_____________
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When you are traveling sans your nursing baby, a breast pump becomes your best friend. Depending on the length of your trip, you may find yourself having to lug gallons of milk back home, not to mention needing to endure lengthy inspections by TSA. Now, Milk Stork can help you transport your milk internationally, in an effort to normalize pumping and motherhood in the workplace.
Milk Stork, the first-ever breast milk shipping company, has been helping moms get breast milk home to hungry babies since 2015 and has shipped more than 3,200,000 ounces of breast milk. Now, the company has expanded its services to include the International Pump & Ship designed to support breastfeeding moms who are traveling overseas.
“Over the past few years, Milk Stork has become known as a game changer in offices across the country,” said Kate Torgersen, founder and CEO, Milk Stork. “Now, we are expanding our offering to support more moms in new ways, and to make it easier to transport breast milk from wherever their ambitions take them. With the launch of the International Pump & Ship, Milk Stork truly becomes a global brand, and we are excited to continue offering innovative solutions to breastfeeding moms wherever they are.”
Milk Stork’s International Pump & Ship option supports moms on international trips enabling them to pack and ship 108 oz (a three-to-five day supply of breast milk for most moms) of refrigerated breast milk back to their babies in the U.S. The International Pump & Ship cooler kit includes everything that moms need to pack and ship their milk internationally including breast milk storage bags, international shipping labels and customs paperwork. The kit also includes a travel duffle and luggage tag, if travel plans change.
Available now, the International Pump & Ship enables road warrior moms to ship from 54 countries and starts at $399.
Visit Milk Stork for more information or to place an order.
It’s the perfect end to a long day—you let your children choose a book, you all snuggle up, and you read together. It’s more than just a bonding experience, though. Reading to your kids will shape their minds and behaviors in more ways than one. In fact, we have six more reasons why your family literature sessions should be a regular activity:
1. Reading Boosts Vocabulary. As an adult, you probably still come across words in books that you don’t know. You might look them up to learn the definition and add a few more words to your vocabulary. Your children experience this newness every time you read to them. They soak up information like sponges, too—the more you read, the more words they learn.
This effect can start at an early age. Nowadays, pediatricians recommend that you start reading to your little ones in infancy. Doctors even say that babies can understand the emotions behind the words you read to them. So, as they get older, comprehending the feeling turns into an understanding of what the word means.
You’ll also see this manifest as improved speech, too. Hearing you pronounce words properly will show your children how they should speak, too. This advantage extends beyond vocabulary—your children will learn correct sentence structure and improve their grammar as well.
2. Reading Increases Attention Spans. Little children aren’t known for their ability to pay attention for long stretches. However, reading helps them to hone this skill—they want to know how the story will end, after all. You’ll have to start small, as you can’t expect your little one to pay attention for hours right away. Instead, start with a short picture book, perhaps one that takes 10 minutes to read. Then, work your way up to longer stories—even the most energetic brood will sit and listen to a story that has captivated them. Clearly, this skill will come in handy down the line when your children go to school. Sitting and listening with interest will get them far academically, too.
3. Reading Will Foster a Lifelong Love of Books. You love nighttime reading and snuggles, and your children do, too. If you make it part of your daily routine, then they’ll always think of reading as something warm and positive. As they grow, they’ll only continue to crack open books and read on their own.
Just make sure that you’re choosing the right stories now to forge an enduring interest. You have plenty of resources to help you do so. For starters, award-winning children’s books tend to do the trick. Or, you can ask your kids while you’re reading. Do they like the story? If so, keep that book in rotation and maintain their interest in reading.
4. Reading Strengthens Imaginations. Children’s books typically come with gorgeous pictures, which allow your kids to see and understand the words that you’re reading. However, they will also begin to conjure images of the story in their minds. As you read to them more, their imaginations only continue to grow.
It’s vital that children hone their imaginations and imaginative play at an early age. Playing pretend gives children the opportunity to express emotions both positive and negative. Such a skill will serve them for the rest of their lives. It can all start with reading and helping them to explore the creative side of their minds.
5. Reading Boosts Children’s Comprehension. Books unlock a lot of learning potential. For instance, your story’s likely to introduce your child to a character who has a dilemma. As you read to your child, they’ll start to understand these problems. If you ask them, they might even come up with a solution to the issue on their own.
On top of problem-solving and plot, kids can also increase their comprehension of emotions and morality. Did that character do what’s right? How do you think he feels? They’ll start to put themselves in the story to better understand it, thus making them smarter and more emotionally adept.
6. Reading Provides Quality Time Together. We’ve already touched on this benefit, but it’s worth mentioning once more. When you read with your kids, you have their undivided attention for a sliver of time. There’s no toy or screen in the way of your bonding. Instead, you sit on the couch or snuggle in bed and read together. As your children grow up, you’ll find yourself wanting to press the pause button more than once. You can’t stop time, of course, but reading together gives you the chance to slow it down.
So, start to build a collection of kid-friendly books, or gather some from your local library. That’s all you need to start this daily ritual—one that will make both you and your children happy.
Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep. She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.
Despite the noble efforts of many to keep bullying at bay and to educate the public as to how to do so, the reality of bullying nonetheless persists. Unless a new day dawns when the societal ills that empower bullies and which leave others vulnerable to them are eradicated in full, bullying will endure, at least to some extent. Until that day comes, if it ever does, let those of us who are targeted by bullies be inspired to rise above it! In case you have been a target and want to learn how to rise above, here’s how it can be done. These strategies come to you from an adult on the autism spectrum who didn’t know it until he was 40 years old, had to endure more than his share of bullying and emerged stronger than before!
See the bully for who he or she is: Bullies believe that they are stronger and smarter than their victims, though in reality, they are neither stronger nor smarter. Thinking of them in this light can help ward off emotional scars that would likely be inflicted otherwise.
What does the word “strength” mean to you? Strength is more than just a physical attribute. It also exists inside, in one’s mind, heart, and soul, which can be thought of as “inner strength.” Anybody who needs to bully others to feel strong and whole is not as strong as he or she might appear. This kind of dependence on the exertion of force is actually a sign of weakness. Therefore, never accept that you are smaller or weaker than the bully. If you have allowed anybody to persuade you into believing this way, it is never too late to believe otherwise!
Understand that bullies need help: At least some bullies have themselves been bullied or abused earlier in life, and so they end up resorting to bullying to “make things right,” to be able to feel strong after having been made to feel weak, or maybe because they did not receive the help they needed after they were bullied. If a bully seeks help and can eventually come to understand that happiness and fulfillment come from within rather than from imposing themselves upon others, then he or she can be rehabilitated and learn to stop bullying.
If you have been targeted, try to understand that there is probably a legitimate explanation for why the bully behaves the way he or she does. Not an easy task by any means, and it is not meant to excuse bad behavior or keep you from standing up for yourself. Rather, if you can put yourself in the shoes of the person who victimized you, then you are more likely to rise above any future bullying by virtue of knowing that the person who bullied you is just as human as you are, may have been bullied just as you were, and has probably endured more than his or her share of hardship.
Accept, or better yet, embrace who you are: Doing so builds self-esteem, and building self-esteem builds inner strength at the same time because the two go hand in hand. Consequently, inner strength helps you rise above the bullies.
Nobody deserves to be bullied, so if you are blaming yourself for being bullied, please stop. Instead, embrace what makes you different and work towards accepting those attributes of your personality that up to now have been bringing you down and which you feel are the reasons why you have been bullied. These attributes are an integral part of who you are. They account for what makes you unique and special. Nobody is perfect, we are all human, so be who you are, at all costs!
Remain focused on what matters most to you: Bullies often aim to get under your skin and disrupt your life. Do not let the bully win in this regard. Do what you need to do, cultivate your interests and talents, spend your time with the people you care about, and live your life. Nobody gets to sidetrack you from what matters most to you!
Anticipate that a bully may target you again and be prepared: Let’s consider bullying from a “big picture” perspective; doing so can be helpful. Perhaps you can draw the strength to rise above bullying from acknowledging and accepting that there is a darker side to human nature. As such, you can fortify your “inner defense” against any form of adversity that may be headed your way, including any bully with whom you might cross paths. Sadly, we hear too many stories in the mass media about war and oppression, the deep divisions inherent in our politics, a prevalence of “us versus them” tribalism, and bullying and criminal behavior on the part of some who are in positions of power in our society, to name a few. Consider all of the toxicity in our midst and be a realist with respect to the regrettable inevitability of bullying. See it coming. Be ready for it, even though it may not surface again (wouldn’t that be nice!). Fingers crossed.
SAM FARMER wears many hats, among them father, husband, musician, computer consultant, autism spectrum community contributor, and author of the new book, A Long Walk Down a Winding Road: Small Steps, Challenges, & Triumphs Through an Autistic Lens, which is now available on Amazon.