I filled out the paperwork this week to enroll both of my children in preschool. The packets were thin and should have only taken me about five minutes to do, maybe 10 if I practiced perfect penmanship. Yet, it was nearly midnight when I finally sealed them up for good.

Between the open-ended questions and the medical history reports, I found myself pouring over every single detail. Finally, I had to remind myself that while the packets were important, so was my rest, so I did my best, finished them off, and called it a night.

I wish I could say that was an isolated incident, and that I didn’t stress over everything, especially when it came to my kids. The truth is, though, that it’s a daily (and nightly) battle not to second-guess every single action I take. I think it’s because now, those actions hold so much more weight than they used to.

If something goes awry these days, it’s not just me who’s affected. It’s also those tiny little faces that look up to me for answers, car rides and cheese crackers. I’m more responsible than I’ve ever been and in many ways, it’s a blessing and it certainly keeps me accountable.

Yet, science has proven that going back over situations in your mind again and again is detrimental to your health and can quickly snowball into more chronic mental health issues. So, I’ve decided to put the self-doubt on a shelf, and these are a few tricks I’ve found that truly help.

Find your tribe.

You’ve heard about the tribe of motherhood, but do you have one? Did you know that having just one other person who you can call and vent to is considered a tribe?

Finding my small circle of mamas who got what I was going through and could talk some sense into me when I started down the rabbit hole of hesitation has made all the difference to me. For me, my tribe is my own mama, my sister, and two friends from school who are also juggling the challenges and joys that young children bring.

Lean on them when those misgivings creep in and listen when they remind you that you’re doing a great job.

Step back for a minute.

When we were renovating our house a few years ago, my second-guessing tendencies were kicked into high gear. Did you know there are about 1.2 million shades of white and just as many sink materials? I sure didn’t, until we decided to tackle a major DIY remodel when I was nine months pregnant and hormonal.

I spent way too long at my local hardware store, desperately keeping my daughter busy with Cheerios all the while obsessing over knobs and drawer pulls. On one particularly hard day, I got stuck choosing between a stainless steel faucet or an oil-rubbed bronze one. I spent so long on Pinterest my head actually started to ache and my eyes burned.

Finally, I shut my laptop screen, took a walk in our backyard, and had to just laugh at how frivolous it all was. When you consider the burning questions on the greater scale, most of the time they tend to look a little smaller than they did in your mind.

Show yourself some love.

I’ve found that my self-doubt is highest when I’ve been neglecting my self-care. Run down from making meals, cleaning, show-and-tell prep, laundry and everything else under the sun, it’s easy to forget to take some “me” time.

As a result, I wear myself ragged and become nit-picky about the tiniest things. After a hot bubble bath, something chocolate, and a catch-up session on my favorite show, however? I’m suddenly much more inclined to let the little things go. I don’t have the luxury of applying all of those indulgences every day, but I do try to carve out some time, even if it’s just 10 minutes, as a mini “time-out” for myself to re-focus and re-center.

Most of the time, this looks like popping my cold coffee in the microwave to reheat, then sitting in the kitchen and breathing deeply for a second while the kids play in the living room. Schedule a break for yourself the same way you schedule every other to-do, and witness the transformative power it holds.

This little list isn’t revolutionary, but it’s done wonders to help me reclaim that little part of my mind that tends to venture all too often into a negative and indecisive territory.

By surrounding myself with the right listening ears, focusing on the bigger picture, and giving myself a little grace when I need it, I’ve discovered how to silence, or at least quieten, that voice that wants to whisper, “Are you sure?”

I’m trusting my gut more and listening more to that other voice that says “Yes, of course, you’re sure. You’re doing your best and that’s for certain.”

Featured Photo Courtesy: Ariel Lustre/Unsplash

Hi, y'all! I'm Courtney. I'm a mama of two, married to my high-school sweetheart and making a life in the little town I grew up in. I'm a writer by trade, but a mama by heart. I love chocolate and I love family. Let's navigate this crazy, messy, blessed journey together! 

Children always clamor to have pets—be it a puppy, kitten or pony. Fish are great pets for children to have. There’s a soothing effect to watching fish swim inside an aquarium. Even better, fish tend to take up less room. Another advantage to having pet fish is they are far quieter than a barking dog. Fish don’t require any walking activities or regular visits to the pet spa for grooming. Pet fish also won’t destroy or soil furniture as four-legged pets might.

Of course, families still must learn how to properly care for their fish so that it can thrive as a pet. Fish make wonderful “starter pets” for children to learn about the responsibilities involved with pet ownership. So, if your family has made the decision to care for fish, here are some tips to get you started.

Learn as much as you can about keeping fish—before you go to the fish store.

Together, parents and children can read up on the topic of fishkeeping. Alternatively, your family can even seek out and ask more experienced fishkeepers for recommendations on how to get started. While pet store employees might at first glance seem knowledgeable about fish, it’s far better to ask information from seasoned fishkeeping hobbyists—particularly since employees and store owners might have ulterior motives such as fulfilling quotas or offloading inventory. Seasoned fishkeeping hobbyists are all experienced pet owners of fish. Sometimes your city or town has organizations like a fish society or a fish club where your family can meet up and speak with fishkeeping hobbyists to learn more about how to care for pet fish.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish: Which fish make good pets?

Start with fish that have been bred in captivity rather than those that are wild-caught. Fish bred in captivity are already accustomed to aquarium environments, making it easier for your family to care for them.

The next thing to consider is how large a fish can grow into. Remember: If a fish grows too large, you’ll need to purchase another tank and relocate it to the larger-sized aquarium. Also consider whether you want a lone fish or several fish. Should you want a community of fish, you’ll need to research which fish are suitable companions with one another.

You can begin with hardy starter fish like a single male betta in a three-gallon tank, or five mollies in a ten-gallon tank. After you’ve gotten the knack of caring for a group of mollies, you and your children can advance to include guppies, platies and swordtails to your tank—just don’t overcrowd your tank.

If your family is successful with one tank, you can invest in a second 10-gallon tank or even go for a 29-gallon tank, if you think your family is ready. Your best bet is to start with one fish species then introduce additional species slowly. A 10-gallon tank can support up to 12 fish at once.

Just know that some species need a minimum number for the community of to thrive—some fish, for instance, school together to minimize stress. If you don’t have the minimum number for the species to school properly, it could lead to compromised health for those fish.

Heading to the pet store? Start small.

Freshwater fish are low-maintenance compared to saltwater fish, so it’s best to start with freshwater fish. A saltwater tank requires much more attention to water conditions and temperatures, making it a difficult for kids to take care of.

When you purchase an aquarium, a 10-gallon tank is ideal as a first tank, especially if you plan to have more than one fish. However, if your family prefers having one fish, a three-gallon or five-gallon tank works just fine.

Do you want fake or real plants in your aquarium? Each has their advantages. Fake plants are low-maintenance, but real plants can benefit the tank’s natural ecosystem.

Get to know all about healthy fish tank habits.

You will need to find out what kind of water you have that runs from your faucet tap—is it hard or soft? What’s the pH level? This is important info to have co you can monitor the water quality of your aquarium. Sometimes your community has a fish store that sells water for fish tanks to make it easier to maintain an aquarium’s water quality. Don’t forget to learn how to test the water quality of your tanks with the various test strips and kits available at your local fish store.

Setting up a tank requires having it “cycle” before adding your fish. Cycling a fish tank means that you allow the growth of necessary bacteria in your tank and filter to enable proper breakdown of fish waste. Otherwise, ammonia and other harmful substances can build up in your tank and even poison your fish. To avoid this, cycling your tank must be performed before fish can be introduced. Cycling a tank can take as little as one week or as long as one month.

You might also need filters, lighting or heaters to set up the right environment before you introduce your fish. When your family first sets up your fish tank, the welfare of your fish takes priority over the aesthetic appearance of a tank. In other words, create an aquarium environment that would make your pet fish happiest and healthiest. Preparation of the tank is key to setting the groundwork for a good beginner fish keeping experience.

Don’t neglect safety best practices.

Choose an impact-resistant, sturdy tank that is made of approved acrylic. If you prefer a different material, research it heavily. Similarly, secure all the electrical wiring to minimize any risks, especially if your children will be taking care of the fish, too.

Remind kids not to poke their fingers into the water—not only does it stress the fish, but your child can get sick if he or she has an open wound or scratch. The microscopic organisms (protozoans, bacteria, viruses, etc.) occurring naturally in the tank and water could enter the wound and harm your child’s health.

Healthy water makes for happy fish.

You’ll need to change the water often—more specifically, remove 35 percent of the water and replace it with clean, fresh water, making sure to condition it before pouring it into the tank. Use the test kits to monitor the water’s parameters closely. Sometimes city-treated water can create spikes of certain chemicals that can harm your pet fish. Be vigilant and purchase water from a fish store that has conditioned it appropriately.

What if you fish gets sick?

Watch your fish closely for any signs of disease—the quicker you catch signs of it, the sooner and better you can treat it. There are many online forums and Facebook groups that list all the warning signs that something’s wrong with your fish. Fish are living creatures: They, too, have illnesses to which they can succumb.

Showing the utmost care for your family’s fish goes a long way towards ensuring that they thrive wonderfully, which is ultimately what responsible pet stewardship is all about.

Featured Photo Courtesy: Mariecor Agravante
Mariecor Agravante
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am a daughter, wife, and mom.  Professionally I am a writer (poet, author, ghostwriter, blogger and editor), an artist (photography, digital design art, illustration and painting) and online educator. I've been published on USA Today, Medium and eHow, as well as other online publications. 

If your little one’s idea of afternoon tea involves plastic cups and lukewarm faucet water (can’t knock the imagination, though), get ready to blow her mind with a real tea party at Vintage Glam Tea Party & Co., a one-of-a-kind party room located in Petworth. Pinkies up!

Photo: Vintage Tea Party

Someone Else’s Trash is Someone Else’s Treasure
The first floor houses a super-cute preloved boutique featuring vintage, used and new clothing, jewelry, accessories, gift wares and craft items (it’s almost impossible to not want to buy something, er…everything!). The second floor is where the magic happens in a Vintage Party Room that’s reminiscent of great-grandmas fancy formal living room. If you decide to throw a shindig here, an assigned host helps to coordinate everything around a tea party that features all vintage wares—from teacups and saucers to luncheon plates and serving tiers.

Photo: Vintage Tea Party

Girl Talk (and Tea)
While Vintage hosts all sorts of parties (think: baby showers, corporate gatherings, and grown-up get-togethers) their “Girlie Girl” Tea Parties are just what your tannin loving tyke ordered. Designed especially for littles (ages 6-12) who love to dress up, entertain friends and host cute tea parties, “Girlie Girl” Tea Parties are held for up to 12 guests in Vintage Glam’s party room or at an off site location.

Photo: Jannelle via Flickr

Cheers!
This isn’t your mom’s tea party! Guests get to use petite teacups and saucers, luncheon plates, cloth table linens and napkins, silverware, platters and servers for cake,  Centerpieces, tea (herbal or fruit), punch, milk or juice—regardless of the beverage tea cups, saucers and/or punch bowls are used—during the tea party. And, come dressed to impress, but just in case, consider renting Vintage Glam’s Fabulous Dressing Table staged with feather boas, vintage hats, bracelets, necklaces, handbags, gloves and scarves to accommodate “dress-up” during the party.

Cost: $12/person
Vintage Glam Boutique & Party Room
137 Kennedy St., NW (Petworth)
202-320-5154
Online: vintageglamteapartydc.com

Have you ever visited this tea party hot spot? Tell us about your visit in the comments section below. 

—Ayren Jackson-Cannady

Form, function and style meet in these three new products for the home that caught our Editors’ attention. Read on to discover how we’ll be sprucing up our abodes this season.

Tottels
File this under “little parent problems,” but we have grown so tired of picking up towels off our bathroom floor because our kids are too small to reach the rack and put them back. (Phew, feels good to get that out.) We never figured anyone else was bemoaning this — until Tottels came along. These terry cotton beauties were designed to help because they snap securely to your towel rack and hang long enough for tiny hands to reach. Cute fish and racecar designs make the washing-hands routine fun. Get them online at tottels.com; $15.99.

Aqueduck Single Handle Extender
We love products that teach kids independence. Even better if they reinforce good habits at the same time. Score two points for Aqueduck, which makes an extender for your sink handle so little kids can reach it and wash their hands all on their own. The attachment also includes a faucet extender so the water flows closer to you. That cute duckie controls the water temperature so it never gets too hot or cold. Get one online at peachyco.com; $15.99 (handle) or $25 (with faucet extender).

Little One’s Clothes Tree
On any given day you step over toys, jackets, sweaters and books just to walk the four feet to the kitchen. Keep your rooms spick-and-span with the help of P’kolino’s new Little One’s Clothes Tree that comes in at 41 inches, the perfect height for your littles. Let them hang their jackets, hats and sweaters on their very own sculpture-like tree and watch as your floors magically reappear before your eyes. Get one online at pkolino.com; $79.99.

Which new product are you digging for your home?

– Kelly Aiglon & Erin Lem