A mom sent her teen back to a restaurant after he left a terrible tip
It should be a requirement for every person to experience working in the service industry at some point in their life. It would make the lives of people in that industry so much easier if the people they were tasked with serving understood just how difficult it is—and how deserving those who work in that industry are of tips. Mom Danielle Foster is going viral on TikTok after her son came home from night out at a restaurant where he racked up a $104 bill—and only tipped $10.
“Johnny, you need to go get my wallet. You need to go get my Visa card, you need to go to the ATM, and you need to grab a $20 and drive your a** back to that restaurant because on a $104 check, $10 is a s**tty tip,” she yells. Her son stands giggling while she does.
“I raised him better than this,” the caption on the viral video reads. When her son continued to giggle, mom broke it down for him. “It’s not funny. Do you know that guy might have kids?” she asked. “Do you know that $104 gets taxed on it? You’re going to go grab my credit card, get $20, and drive it back there.”
She posted an update a few days later to report that her son did, in fact, go back and make right on a terrible tip. She also explained that the young man didn’t realize he’d made a mistake: because he went to the restaurant with a $50 dollar gift card, the balance that he was left to pay was $54—so he thought $10 would be a fair tip.
It’s an honest mistake and another reason why having a job as a server should be mandatory for every person, period. But in absence of a law that requires that, it’s our responsibility to raise our kids to understand what tipping is and why it’s necessary. Servers generally make less than minimum wage and depend on tips for their living. All kids should be taught that tipping a server is part of the full-service restaurant experience.
The mom emphasized that one of the downsides to her video going viral was that of course it solicited negative comments about her child. “I feel bad that people said stuff about my kid when he’s such a good kid,” she explained in the video. And she has some words for those who have an issue with tipping:
When I became a parent, one of my least favorite things to be told was, “Cherish every moment.”
I get where the sentiment comes from. People—typically with older kids—look wistfully at those with younger ones, think about all the good times they had and proceed to utter the three-word phrase. The problem is that the new parent is not cherishing every moment, because no one loves every single moment of their life and because many parenting moments are rage-inducing and/or not enjoyable. That time your toddler bit her baby sister while you were trying to survive the Target checkout line? Okay to put on the “things not to cherish” list.
There’s something to be said for looking forward to what comes next. My kids are now elementary-aged, and last summer I took them to our local zoo, a place where we went a lot when they were little. It had been a while since we had visited, and when I walked around, it hit me how different this trip was.
Yes, I felt slightly nostalgic about how excited they got about the animals when they were toddlers, but at the same time, I was completely relieved they could walk longer distances and carry (some of) their own stuff. I was also thrilled not to be nervously watching the clock so I could get out of there before naptime to avoid a total meltdown. Since my kids were older, the visit was just easier. And I’m grateful for that.
The problem with a lot of parenting maxims is that they don’t allow for the complex feelings that come with raising small humans. The reality is that it’s a mix of good and bad, and often involves experiencing opposing feelings at the same time.
You can be completely drained from being woken up 10 times a night by a baby but also find some enjoyment in rocking that child in your arms. Your toddler can be both cute and getting on your last nerve. When my oldest turned one, I was mostly relieved to have the exhaustion of the first year behind me but also teared up a little when I realized he would never be in baby clothes again. All of these things can be true, but we rarely acknowledge that out loud to one another.
I sometimes hear new parents say that they feel bad they aren’t enjoying parenting young kids more, but, honestly, everyone has parenting challenges. As this New York Times piece points out, even those who have experienced infertility or lost babies can be both grateful for what they have while realizing parenting is hard. It’s possible to feel both love and frustration at the same time. It’s also possible to realize many people out there have it worse than you do while struggling with any kid-related things in your own life.
When I look back at baby and toddler pictures of my kids now, I do think about how adorable they were, but I also remember that trying to parent kids who could not talk and acted like cornered animals when they were being buckled into their car seats was brutal. I remember that the weekdays often felt like a break because the weekend days when there was no preschool or childcare seemed to go on forever. The pandemic has largely felt draining and frustrating for me as a parent, but there have been good things about being less scheduled and spending more time with my kids.
So, I’m proposing some alternative statements for the people in the grocery stores of America who feel the urge to stop a parent with a baby and say something like, “Enjoy every moment.”
Perhaps:
“I miss some things about kids being that age, but I definitely don’t miss everything.”
“From what I can see, you seem to be enjoying just the right amount of moments with your kids.”
“Can I do anything to help?”
“Cherish that sale on blackberries. You don’t see that every day.”
Julie Vick is the author of Babies Don’t Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?), a humorous advice book for introverted parents navigating the early years of parenthood. She has written for New Yorker Daily Shouts, Parents, Real Simple, and McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Most importantly, one of her tweets once appeared in In Touch Weekly. Learn more about her at julievick.com.
Shame. On. You. We’ve all heard it, and probably—if we’re being honest—our discipline tactics have included it. It’s an easy fix; a quick correction with immediate results. But research suggests that disciplining in a manner by which our children feel shame (as Brene Brown puts it “I am bad”) as opposed to guilt (“I did something bad”) damages your relationship with them, their self-esteem and ultimately can result in the exact opposite behavior from that which you’re trying to encourage.
So what’s a parent to do? When a child misbehaves—especially over, and over, and over again in the same manner—it’s our job to correct that behavior. Discipline, when done well, is a gift that we give to our kids because really—who wants to be around a kid who’s never been disciplined? It ensures they’re able to function in a positive way in society. It simply must be done. But according to a medically-reviewed article in Verywell Family by Jennifer Wolf, shaming is radically different from positive—and productive—discipline.
It’s “telling embarrassing stories in an attempt to manipulate your child’s behavior, sharing what should be a private conversation about behavior and consequences and making it public by sharing it with friends, family, or the world at large (via social media), or intentionally making a child feel bad about himself or herself, as a person, instead of focusing on the actual behavior you’re trying to change.” And while they may work in the beginning, don’t expect these tactics to provide a long-range solution.
“Not only do you lose considerable relational equity, but shaming kids in public or online also tears down trust and self-esteem. At the same time, it zaps your child’s motivation to engage in the very behaviors you’re trying to encourage.” Plus, shame is a feeling that sticks around, and it becomes a child’s default emotion when something goes sideways, as things will do. It teaches your kids to personalize failure, instead of growing from it.
As with all things, social media takes public shaming next-level. “For example, shaming your child publicly on Facebook, where there’s a perception that a very large number of people are seeing it, may be more harmful to your relationship and your child’s sense of self than the old-fashioned “You won’t believe what he did now!” kind of shaming that used to take place around the dinner table in front of Aunt Sally.” It’s what we teach them: everything on social media is discoverable. It never goes away. Shame, dished out on social media, is here to stay.
So don’t panic. If you’re guilty of this, an apology and assurance that it won’t happen again will go a long way to correcting any past indignities. “A genuine apology will have a restorative effect on your relationship so that you can begin to leverage your connection as your biggest ‘weapon’ for influencing your child’s behavior—not shaming.” On or off the internet, if you’ve used shaming words and phrases—”You’re such a bad girl; You’re just like your mother (or father); I don’t know why I even bother with you; I should ship you off to live with dad (or mom); I’m so tired of dealing with you,”—take a minute. Parenting is hard. You’re doing your best, but a awareness of how these types of messages can hurt our kids (and our relationship with them) is probably overdue.
If any of this has hit home, know there’s hope. Your best defense in shaping their behaviors is a good relationship with them. “Ideally, you want to create a bond that reinforces your kids’ positive sense of who they are, while also giving them room to learn from their mistakes. So when your kids choose to disobey you, have a conversation about their choices and what they can do differently next time.”
Asking for more information before dishing out discipline, helping your child identify and process the way they felt when they were making a bad choice, letting them verbalize ways they could have changed their behavior—these are all ways to rely on your relationship to bring about behavioral change, instead of using shame. And possibly most importantly, don’t forget the power of asking “How can I help,” because “even if there’s nothing practical you can do, it will help your child to hear you make a genuine offer to help.”
Olivia Munn has a message for new moms out there: give yourselves a break on the breastmilk guilt. “To the mamas out there — do whatever you need to feed your baby,” she revealed on Instagram on Tuesday. “And don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.”
After struggling with low milk supply, she ended up feeling exhausted and defeated. “I felt like my body was failing,” Munn, 41, revealed in an Instagram video on Tuesday. “I worried I wouldn’t bond with my baby.”
But she didn’t give up. Instead, she worked with two different lactation consultants, tried several breastfeeding pillows, ate lactation-boosting soups, teas and cookies, and drank liters of coconut water. She even wore a device around her neck with tubes taped to her breasts to try to stimulate milk production while she gave her baby the nutrients that he needs.
She mom’d so hard on this, y’all, but as we all know, sometimes it’s not the effort that determines the outcome when it comes to all things parenting. “None of it worked!” Munn shared. “I cried and cried.”
Eventually, Munn realized that breastfeeding and formula are both good. Experts agree. Encino, California Pediatrician Dr. Irwin Bruckner tells moms and dads that breast milk is A+, while formula is a solid A. “There’s so much more to parenting than giving your baby breast milk. There’s smiling, there’s cuddling, there’s dancing,” Bruckner told TODAY Parents. “So if breastfeeding is wearing you down so much that you’re not doing those other things, it’s not worth going the extra distance to get the A+ in breast milk as opposed to the A in formula.”
Munn’s followers on Instagram responded swiftly to her Instagram post, replying “I had the same issues. It wore me out physically and emotionally,” and “THANK YOU! My OB told me ‘Breastfeeding, formula, he doesn’t care, just feed him.’” Seems like her fan base just got a lot bigger.
Starting daycare is a daunting experience for any parent. When you add in the issue of food allergies the high anxiety experience can leave you worried for your child’s life. But for some of us, daycare is the only option we have. To get through it safely, here are a few tips for dealing with daycare and food allergies.
To deal with daycare and food allergies the best way to start is to take control of what you can. Get involved with food prep and give detailed instructions to those who you fear may not have food allergy training. Bring reminders and have paperwork for everyone involved, so you’re all literally on the same page.
Food Allergies in Daycares
Chances are your daycare will have at least one child that has food allergies already attending. Since 8% of children in the US have food allergies, about 1 in 13 children or 2 students per classroom are dealing with allergies.
Despite this growing number, you may find some schools are less prepared than others to deal with food allergies. Because food allergy education and training is different everywhere, you will have to be vocal about your safety concerns.
Get an idea of how prepared the school is during the first walkthrough or orientation. Explain how severe your child’s allergy is and ask if there are other children with food allergies.
Take a look at where the children eat and how food is handled. Be sure they understand that food allergy safety also means avoiding cross-contamination. Will children be eating allergenic foods and immediately playing with toys?
Ask every question you think of there’s no room for misunderstandings.
Food Allergies & How to Deal With Them in a Childcare Setting
To deal with food allergies in a childcare setting, all teachers and parents should be notified of a child with food allergies in a class. This means everyone knows, so no one from another class comes in and makes a mistake.
Parents share a lot of information from the start. To help with communication be ready with as much food allergy information as you can.
Having a doctor’s note always helps people understand the seriousness of the situation (if you’re dealing with a daycare that doesn’t understand, find another one).
Leave detailed instructions for the epi-pen.
Use food allergy cards and stickers as reminders.
Write out substitutes for allergies on the school’s menus so the daycare has options.
This is no time for your child to be called picky—allow your little one to voice their opinion. Let the school know you taught your toddler about food allergies and let them question if a food is safe.
In some cases, the school may not have access to simple substitutes like soy milk for dairy. So you’ll take on the role of providing school lunch earlier than expected.
Learn to Meal Prep
With the hefty price tag of daycare, bringing your own lunch can be a problem, but with a few meal prep ideas, you can keep the cost down. The benefit of making your own lunch is you know what your child is eating each day.
Create meals for the week and take them to the school on Monday. No need to lug milk every day if the school has a full kitchen. Drop off the soymilk on Monday and have the daycare inform you when it’s all out.
This gives the providers the chance to serve the toddlers lunch with the other children. Labeling and prepping is a lot of work, but for some doing it once a week versus every day may help.
Of course, this option will require a lot of communication. This plan depends on the daycare’s style and how comfortable you are with the ability to avoid cross-contamination.
Take Advantage of Bento Boxes
Make lunch with your toddler’s favorite foods in a bento box. Add crackers, lunch meat, fruit, veggies, and their favorite dip. A bento box doesn’t have to mean big expensive lunches your toddler doesn’t want. Keep it simple and change up the ingredients and it’ll always be fresh.
Sometimes it’s best to choose options that don’t have to be heated so handling is kept to a minimum. However, when you want add a sandwich or dinner the day before and use your regular fruits and veggies as sides.
Skip Breakfast (If You Can)
My boys are allergic to eggs. I’m lucky enough to work from home, so when eggs are for breakfast at daycare, I drop them off a little later. They skip breakfasts they can’t eat at school and have breakfast at home.
If that’s not an option pack up breakfast on the go and always remind the daycare they already ate or they have their own.
When it comes to lunch, give in to your child’s demands. No point in creating beautiful nutritious meals they don’t want. If they want seed butter and jelly three days in a row, don’t feel bad for giving it to them. You still have dinnertime at home to fill the gaps.
While these tips may not get rid of all your fear, being prepared can help put your mind at ease. Making notes on the weekly or monthly menu will keep everyone stay up to date at every meal. Using eye-catching stickers and food allergy cards on bookbags and cubbies is a fun way to use reminders.
When substitutes aren’t an option, bring your own lunch. Meal prepping with bento boxes and skipping breakfast at school can keep costs low. Choose your child’s favorites to ensure they eat every bite.
Starting daycare is hard, but you can get through it, even with food allergies. Once you witness the fun your child has making friends and bringing home artwork, you’ll see why it’s worth it
I'm Lydia, a mom of two boys with eczema and food allergies. After feeling lost, I created a blog to help with parenting a child with eczema. Writing about that journey led to my content creation and marketing business, where I am a small business freelance writer.
The chances are high you’ve struggled to pull your child away from the screen or caught your kid scrolling on their phone late at night even when you set clear rules about no devices in bed. You’re so not alone. As parents, all of us are trying to help our kids navigate tech overload, but so often we feel we need to be supermoms and solve these problems on our own.
As the Director of Policy and Programs at the California Partners Project, a nonprofit ensuring California’s media and tech industries are a force for good in our children’s lives, I’m working to unpack how tech and social media are impacting families and creating a space for parents to be real with each other. Last fall, our team released a report Are the Kids Alright? to get a sense of how California teens were coping with the pandemic, and we found that tech has entertained and provided much-needed connection, but it has also sparked “addiction”, anxiety, loneliness, and disrupted sleep.
These problems aren’t going away anytime soon, so to get a better understanding of what families and kids are navigating, CPP and our co-founder California First Partner Jennifer Siebel Newsom launched a listening tour to hear from diverse caregivers about their pandemic parenting experiences.
I’m so grateful I got to join and lead conversations with dozens of moms, and I’m pretty amazed by how resilient we parents are. We’ve experienced so much trauma over the last year and a half and most parents (myself included) haven’t had meaningful opportunities to download and process our experiences and feelings. The struggle to manage life at home amidst isolation, screen saturation, and fear is real.
Parents told me that they haven’t been able to shield their kids from endless stressful news coverage, and others talked about how hard it is to create meaningful agreements around video games—especially when expectations are different between two parents. Many also shared that there is a dark side to popular apps they previously thought provided innocent entertainment. In one listening session, I heard about the growing anxiety and depression that children have experienced as the pandemic has worn on. “For us, there was so much anxiety because it was so unknown,” one mom said. “The kids wanted to go to school, they wanted to go to prom. Last year I had a 12th grader and she missed her prom, she missed her graduation and she was frustrated having to deal on a day to day and we were talking about putting her into counseling.”
After hearing parents echo common challenges, and discovering that so many of us feel we are in this alone, CPP created responsive toolkits with tips, recommendations, and best practices to help parents teach their kids how to practice healthy tech use. Our team talked to expert psychologists, pediatricians, educators, and other mental health providers to shape each toolkit with practical tips parents can use in their own homes. Check out some of the highlights, which I hope serve as a jumping off point for conversation and connection within your family:
How Can Parents Navigate Screen & Tech Saturation?
1. Discuss your approach to tech and media use with your co-parent or caregiver before you have difficult conversations.
Consider a family media agreement to begin a discussion with your child’s other parent (see Common Sense Media Family Media Agreement). These types of documents will help outline issues that might arise and provide an opportunity for discussion before you have to face the issue in real-time.
2. Create a family exercise challenge to get your kids off the screen.
Create a sit-up, push-up, or dance competition your family can do right in your own home. These simple exercises are practical ways to get stronger and more fit without equipment or classes (see Parents Together Family Challenge).
Don’t feel bad if your family has gone off-course with tech use. Acknowledge that some rules were suspended during a difficult year plus. Vicki Harrison, MSW and Program Director at the Center for Youth Mental Health and Wellbeing at Stanford University School of Medicine, recommends parents recognize that the last year was difficult and some unintended habits that got us through won’t continue as we recalibrate to a new and shifting reality.
3. If your child is feeling anxious about the news, set a plan to watch the news with them and/or discuss the content of the news of the day.
The APA recommends that parents set guidelines about what time of the day the family checks the news (APA). If your child is young, try to make sure the news is not on unless you or a trusted adult is monitoring what they are hearing and seeing. Ask your children what they think about the news and take time to listen to their response. Remind your children and teens to stick to trusted news sites to gather information.
If you’re looking for ways to manage your child’s devices, start with the settings. In most cases, according to research, if you want to begin to activate restrictions on devices or applications, whether for content or time limits, the best place to begin is settings. Platforms like Google (Digital Wellbeing) and Apple (Screen Time) have programs that allow you to put restrictions on your devices.
I know it will take time to help our children process the grief and loss they’ve experienced, but I am inspired that we can open up a dialogue and create space for parents to be honest with one another to help our children emerge from the pandemic healthy and whole.
With a sustained commitment to socially responsible outcomes I have served on national and local boards advocating for children, gender and race equity. I recently transferred my passion for education and media to pursue an advanced degree in education leadership. I live in San Francisco with my husband Ken and my two sons.
For a while, my life was pretty miserable. My daughter had severe autism. I didn’t smile, laugh, or even enjoy anything. Every possible resource I had went to my daughter—no little treats for myself. No shopping. No eating out. Not even haircuts for a bit. And when I would drive from my house to the supermarket, there was a restaurant that I would pass by. There was a beautiful window with an arch. I would see people sitting at the table, laughing and eating. So different than what my reality was at that time.
Every time I passed by that window, I would say to myself, “When my daughter is better, I will go sit in that window, eat, and laugh.” I didn’t tie any specific goals to when that would be or what would qualify as “better.” It was just something that I would tell myself to inspire me. I wanted to laugh again. I wanted to enjoy life again. Every time I drove past that window I had a choice – look at it with anger and resentment that my life wasn’t great or look at it with anticipation of life getting better. I didn’t need anything else making me feel bad, so I chose anticipation.
A few years later, I drove past that window and realized that my daughter was doing great, things were moving forward with her, and that my life was indeed better. I decided it was time to have a meal at that table, laugh, and enjoy. So I asked my friend to join me, and she said no. I was so hurt. She said, “That restaurant isn’t good. The food is overrated.” I told her I didn’t care about the food and explained how that window motivated me through some tough times. That didn’t persuade her at all. So I let it go because I didn’t want to go alone.
A few weeks later, I asked another friend, and she also told me no. She said pretty much the same thing my other friend said. The food wasn’t good, it was overpriced, blah blah blah. I was hurt again. I explained what it meant to me, and she said she didn’t want to spend the money and was quite adamant about not going there. So I let it go.
Several months later, I drove past that window and became determined to dine there, in that window, laugh, and have fun. So I asked another friend, but I first told him what it meant to me and then asked if he would go with me. He told me the exact same thing that my two other friends said – the food wasn’t good, that it was overrated, he didn’t want to wear a shirt with buttons, blah, blah, blah, but he said if it meant that much to me, he’d go although he really didn’t want to. That was good enough for me.
I made reservations specifically for that window seat. Oooh it felt so good to sit there. I was so happy. I told him the story of how many times I drove past this window and promised myself that not only would my daughter get better but that I would also treat myself for all the hard work I did to get us there. I told him how two friends turned me down to come to this window and celebrate but that they just made me more determined…just like when sometimes things didn’t go well with my daughter…it just made me more determined. We laughed about everything. The waitstaff enjoyed us being there—it was such fun. I felt so satisfied with myself and my actions in life.
We had dinner. I’ve got to admit, my friends were right, the food wasn’t that good. LOL. However, it was not overrated because I was celebrating success! The food was irrelevant. My daughter was doing great, my life was so different, we both were happy, and I followed through on celebrating success. Life felt wonderful.
So do it. Go celebrate. I am sure there is something your child is doing now that people thought could never happen. That changed because of your hard work. Your determination. Your love for your child. You’ve worked hard, celebrate your successes, and be excited for what more will come.
COVID has changed a lot in life. I just drove by that restaurant, looked in the window, and saw a “For Sale” sign. The restaurant has closed due to COVID. I have no idea what will happen to that building. Will another restaurant open there? Will there still be a window seat? Who knows, and that’s how life goes. If I didn’t take the time to celebrate success right now, I would be feeling regret rather than satisfaction.
I am so proud of my determination. I knew my daughter’s life could get better, and I worked relentlessly to make that happen. And I made sure to celebrate success, even when two friends wouldn’t celebrate with me.
I’m sure you’re doing a lot of work for your child. Are there setbacks? Sure. Does everything go perfectly? No. But that doesn’t stop you for long, right? When you get an opportunity to celebrate success, take it. There’s no guarantee of a tomorrow.
Yes, there will always be more to do, but if you don’t reward yourself for your successes, how will you maintain the energy to continue?
I'm an autism parent and Yale trained scientist. I created the blog Navigating AWEtism as a valuable source of trustworthy, cutting-edge scientific facts about autism so that parents have quality information to make informaed decisions. You'll also find parenting inspiration, no matter where you are on the autism journey. Please check out https://awetism.net/
Rupert Grint is finally on Instagram! The Harry Potter franchise star shared his first post on the photo platform on Tuesday with a special someone––his daughter, Wednesday.
In a nod to his arrival on Insta, Grint’s caption referenced how he’s “10 years late” to joining. But there’s no need to feel bad for the red-headed actor––he already has 2.5 million followers.
Grint and girlfriend George Groome welcomed their first child together in May, but we haven’t seen or heard much from the couple regarding their bundle of joy. This is the first photo we’ve seen!
The Hogwarts alum joins several other co-stars, including Emma Watson, Tom Felton, Matthew Lewis and Bonnie Wright. Still missing from the entourage is Daniel Radcliffe. Maybe we can hope the star will join 11 years late?
New parents in the world are constantly wondering: When can I begin potty training? (Some don’t even realize that, with the right information, they can even begin potty training their baby).
Believe it or not, there are options for the first year of life (yes! you heard me right!), as well as the 11-18 month range, and 18 months and beyond.
So which potty training age is truly most beneficial to your child’s health?
There is a lot of crap out there on the internet about potty training, pun absolutely intended. It can boggle the mind. And there are a lot of marketing-fueled lies circulating (with the primary aim of selling more diapers). So. Because the current society is so convinced of certain mistruths, we need to push those aside right now. Before we dive into which potty training method works best for each age range (super-detailed info below), let’s first get something crystal- clear: Early potty training will NOT damage your child in any way.
There is no scientific study that actually proves that early potty training will harm your child (contrary to Dr. Hodges’ marketing influence, which is based on a study that doesn’t say early potty training will damage them, but that incomplete emptying of the bladder will).
And late potty training (starting at 2 years old and up) CAN potentially damage your child, in many ways. (This article compares and cites all the science that proves this, inarguably.)
The point:
• If your child is already over 18 months old, get educated and begin potty training this week.
• If your child is less than 18 months old, it can only benefit your child to begin today, in some way, big or small.
The science supports it. Again, I will break the ages down further, below, so keep on reading. And the most healthy time to begin? Early, early, early. As early as birth. (As early as wherever YOU are when you read this post.)
Establishing healthy potty use and attitudes from an early age is beneficial to your child, on so many levels. Parents: You get to choose, from birth, whether to train your baby into using the diaper as a full-time toilet, or using the toilet as a full-time toilet.
Full permission granted to choose what works for you (and a little bit of research might be necessary so you can feel confident executing this decision!).
Okay, now that this myth is completely disproven, we can confidently move in to answer the question: “At what age can I potty train my child?”
The top method for starting potty training at 0-12 months
The method you would use for starting potty learning with babies 0-12 months is called “elimination communication.” It is a way of tending to your child’s natural instincts for cleanliness by learning and responding to the signals, rhythms, and preferences of your baby.
The best method for starting potty training at 11-16 months
To start potty training with 11-16 month (likely walking) babies, which is actually considered by Montessori school of thought to be the “sensitive period” (the best time!) to begin toilet learning, you would use either pure EC or a hybrid of EC/potty training.
The top method for starting potty training at 15-20 months
To start toilet training a 15-20 month toddler, you’ve already mostly passed the EC window (although you can give it a whirl if you’ve got a super laid-back, not-yet-walking baby!)…and you’re now sitting at what’s called early start potty training. But, don’t you dare feel bad! You will now spend less time potty training/doing EC and more time teaching the final pieces of independence. Like ripping off a Band-aid, potty training at 18-24 months is a much more rapid process than EC (and it should be! Toddlers crave mastery at this stage, and being lax or hands-off about toilet training at any toddler age is a disservice to your wonderful toddler!!). Learn about early potty training on my Potty Training 101 page here.
The best method for starting potty training at 20 months and up
For this, you’d also do the same as the previous age range, but it’s not going to be called early potty training…just your regular ole run-of-the-mill potty training (but pls don’t use a boot camp or gradual plan!). Again, do not feel badly! The earlier you begin, the sooner you’ll be done, and you do not have to wait for readiness signs or fear that you’ll harm your child by doing the training too early. That is all BS funded by the diaper companies.
Some quick reassuring facts (for those of you who are skimming)
Which is the best time to potty train your child? Whatever age your child currently is. That is the best time to start the learning…now!
What is the current average age of potty training completion in the US? 36-38 months average.
What is the current age of toileting independence in the rest of the world? 12 months average.
What was the toilet training age in 1957 in the US? 92% of children were toilet trained by 18 months of age.
What would happen if we reduced the toilet training age by 1 year (from 3 to 2 years old)? The diaper companies would lose approximately $8 billion/year in revenues.
Remember: You can begin potty training at any age, starting as early as birth. It just looks a little different at each stage. And, no shame mama/daddy! You are where you are right now, given what you’ve learned so far. Now you know some more stuff about what age is best to begin potty training, get started today. We’re rooting for you!
Andrea Olson is an author and expert in potty training by Elimination Communication (EC). She's worked with thousands of parents worldwide to make the practice of pottying their babies efficient and enjoyable! She holds a Masters Degree in Psychology and lives in Asheville with her husband and 5 children (all EC'd from birth).
(And other facts that will make your life a whole lot easier).
It occurred to me the other day that I am super wise.
It also occurred to me that by not sharing my savvy, I was depriving the people of Earth.
You may at this point ask yourself, “What about Mars, Irene? Don’t you care about the folks on other planets? So selfish.”
It’s complicated.
Although I have a level of concern about those populations, my worry is mostly centered around them coming to Earth and melting, eating, or unpleasantly probing my orifices.
So I will limit my advice to humans.
1. Every surface you touch is covered with poop.
Every couple of years or so news organizations across the country do us all a huge favor and show us, through searing exposés, the filth in hotel rooms.
According to one study, approximately 81-percent of surfaces swabbed in a hotel room had at least “some” fecal bacteria. But the most egregious surface was that of the TV remote control. Light switches weren’t much better.
This news is supposed to alarm and horrify us. It does neither to me. I’ll tell you why.
I accepted long ago that all surfaces on the planet are covered with poop. That’s right, ALL surfaces. Although, for some odd reason, headboards in hotel rooms are pretty clean. This makes NO SENSE TO ME AT ALL. Come on. Think about it. That’s right…that’s what I’m thinking.
Apparently, if you liked to remain clean on vacation leap onto the headboard upon entering your hotel room.
Poop is everywhere.
And don’t even, “But Irene what about…” me. Yes, there is poop on your fine china. Yes, there is poop on your family portrait hanging above the fireplace. And yes, there is poop in your casserole.
EWWWW! GROSS!
Not really.
It’s just a fact. I don’t know how and why it travels everywhere and touches everything in spite of our handwashing and Clorox whipping, but it does. Most don’t wash their hands well and then they touch a package of Oreos at the store.
They don’t buy the Oreos…but you do.
You take the package home and eat a couple or thirteen.
Then you notice the family portrait is off-kilter.
You adjust the picture.
BAM! POOP ON THE PIC.
It’s no biggie. By all means, keep things clean but just know in your heart that it’s futile. It’s unbelievably freeing.
2. You are not special.
We are told so many lies as children:
Santa ate the cookies!
Amusement parks are closed on the weekends.
You are special.
The last one is the worst, although to this day I still think, “It’s Saturday so everything fun is closed. Sigh.”
You are not special. None of us are.
We all do the same stupid stuff like eating the last of the peanut butter but sticking the jar back in the cupboard because ‘I’m sure someone would like a smear of PB on their raisin. I’ll just leave it.’
We all think the same stupid thoughts like, ‘I’m glad I don’t have tons of money and fame. That would be such a hassle!”
We all feel bad that we’re not deeply grateful for having legs. “I can’t believe I’m complaining about going upstairs. People without legs WISH they could climb a flight of stairs to grab the eczema cream!”
We’re all the same. I mean, you’re unique, but not special. There has never been anyone born that was just like you. This is true. But understanding that we are all basically the same on a human level makes it much easier to accept each other. Good or bad we aren’t that different.
3. You won’t get 90-percent of the stuff you want in life.
As a human being, you are going to try to get a bunch of stuff.
Some of this stuff will be worth pursuing: High school bad-boys, becoming a partner in your law firm, the perfect potato chip.
Some will not be worth your time: High school bad-boys, a flat tummy, a pleasant personality.
I’ve tried for so much stuff in my lifetime and most of the stuff I don’t get. (Don’t even get me started on Hello Dolly-1986. Robbed! )
Here’s what I didn’t understand about the Hello Dolly fiasco that I know now. That is life.
Buckle up, Irene! It gets way worse. You won’t get most stuff. But it’s ok…you’ll get some! And some is pretty sweet when you’ve lost a bunch.
You are not entitled to anything. I don’t care who you are. You gotta take it in the gut like the rest of us. Once you understand this, it’s not as shocking when Brandon Keaffaber makes-out with you at one party, and then blows you off at the next.
I'm a mom of teenagers. I cry. A lot. I also laugh when I'm too tired to cry. So basically, I'm always either crying or laughing. I can find the humor in most everything...except (fill in with whatever you find upsetting). Just want to make you laugh.
