Photo: Melissa Heckscher

TO: My Friends on Facebook

RE: My Posts During the Covid-19 Outbreak

Dear Friends:

Maybe you’ve seen my recent posts. You know, the ones chronicling the slew of things I’ve been doing with my kids since this dreaded lockdown started: the arts and crafts projects, the home science experiments, the sidewalk chalk mosaics.

Maybe you’ve seen our silly family pictures—the ones where we’re crowding the camera frame, all close-up faces and goofy smiles—the photos screaming, “See! We’re doing great! Look how much fun we’re having!

Maybe, because of these posts, you think our days are filled with Pinterest projects and dance parties—and that I’m actually good at filling this gaping hole of time that is every day in lockdown.

I’m here to tell you that I’m not.

Sure, we’ve done the arts and crafts, the science experiments, the chalk mosaics. And we’ve had fun in those moments.

But they’re just moments. And honestly, they’re such a small fraction of our daily experience that every time I post the pictures, I know it’s just to keep up the illusion that everything is OK. That I’m OK.

But I’m not.

The truth is, I’ll spend hours conceiving and setting up most of our home-based art/science/ you-name-it projects…and I’ll be lucky if my kids engage in any one of them for more than 20 minutes.

Really, I post the pictures for encouragement. Those “likes” you’re giving me? They make me feel like I’m doing something right. They’re like the silent voices cheering me on:

You’re such a good mom!

Great idea!

Sharing!

Because don’t we all feel like we’re doing it all wrong sometimes? I mean, nobody told us the right way to parent during a pandemic. (Newsflash: There is no right way.)

Consider: I’ve spent hours scouring Google to find homeschooling ideas, certain that by controlling these small parts of our day—by playing the perfect teacher, the perfect mom—I can control how my kids experience this gargantuan event that is happening.

But I can’t.

My youngest, newly five and full of life is up for anything. It’s my older boys—both introverted 8 and 10-year-olds who just want to play video games or watch Youtube (where they watch other people playing video games) that I just can’t motivate. At least, not longer than the few minutes it takes to do a quick activity and snap a picture.

And that is what you see. You see that brief moment where it is working. That moment when they are playing the game or doing the craft or wearing the costume. (Trust me, you don’t want to see the other moments, most of which are spent either desperately trying to prod my boys to “GO PLAY A GAME OR SOMETHING!!” or lamenting the fact that I can’t and retreating to my bedroom for a moment of teary-eyed silence.)

It’s not just me. Even the professionals are struggling.

“I see other moms posting pictures of how peaceful and accomplished their quarantine days have been with their children,” said Lori Campbell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles family therapist and mother of two.  “For a moment, these posts make me feel inadequate because although I do have some of those amazing times, a good portion of the day is challenging.”

So why do we continue to post these pictures that don’t show the whole truth?

For me, it’s because I want to remember that there were moments where we played together. (We did, after all, have a pretty epic indoor “snowball” fight with stuffed animals. That happened.)

I want to remember there were times when it worked. (All three of my kids did enjoy the obstacle course we set up throughout the house. Even if it was only for a few minutes.)

I want to remember the stories behind the art collection that now covers the walls of our kitchen. Or that the reason we all dressed as trolls that one night is because it’s when “Trolls World Tour” premiered on-demand in our living room.

Because, when all of this ends, I want to remember the good parts. Not the hours I spent arguing with my kids about screen time, but the moments of togetherness we shared.

Because I know there will be a day that I’ll look back and realize that I did OK.

(If not, the pictures will help.)

“I think that some people need to show pictures of their best moments as a reminder to themselves that they really are doing a good job,” Campbell said. “We all need to feel validated, especially in this madness.”

So to all those who see my posts on Facebook and wonder whether I’ve got everything under control, I want you to remember this:

None of us has everything under control. And that’s OK.

So go ahead and post the good stuff. We’ll cheer you on.

Sincerely,

Me

Melissa Heckscher is a writer and mother of three living in Los Angeles. She is a former staff writer for the Los Angeles Newspaper Group and the author of several books, including,The Pregnancy Test: 150 Important, Embarrassing, and Slightly Neurotic Questions (Quirk Books, 2011). 

Sleepovers of the past included movies, popcorn and endless games of Mall Madness. Put down your credit card and take a trip to the virtual mall with your kids. The Mall Madness board game is making a comeback this fall.

Cha-ching! Hasbro is bringing back the popular game 15 years after the original version left store shelves. The game requires “shoppers’ to get all the items on their list and it coached you through the entire process. It was a thrill to swipe your pretend credit card at I.M. Coughin Drug Store and 2 Left Feet Shoes. The food court had plenty of options including Aunt Chovie’s Pizza. 

Mall Madness

The new modernized version has the same feel as the original with 22 mall locations on 2 floors including a nail salon, candy store, jewelry store, arcade, shoe store, electronics store and a toy store. The talking electronic button features fun sound effects when a player buys something. It also tells players where to move, announces surprise clearance sales and more.  

The new Mall Madness board game will be available on October 1 online and at most major retailers for $24.99. It can be played by two to four people and is suitable for ages nine and up. Mark your calendar or pre-order it now on Amazon.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Amazon

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Advice & Encouragement for Busy Moms

It might be a new year, but for most, the new year brings the same amount of busyness. Juggling family commitments is a challenge for parents everywhere, but even more so for working moms.

As a working mom myself (and now grandma) for more than 30 years, I’ve learned some tricks to manage the madness of having a full career and family life. These tips helped me raise three kids while climbing the corporate ranks of Alberto Culver (a large beauty product conglomerate) all the way up to the position of Executive Chair of the board. I am a strong advocate for the important understanding that it is possible for career growth to coexist with a full family life and that working moms make great employees.

MAKING CHOICES & LEARNING TO SAY NO

The top lesson I learned is that you need to be okay with saying “no.” Everybody wants a competent person to take on more, but even the strongest people can break. Learn to say “no” and feel okay with it. Prioritize your responsibilities and pass on or delegate the nonessentials. And in those moments where you are overwhelmed, take a moment, hang on and breathe. And remember that it’s perfectly okay to say, “I’m a little overwhelmed right now.”

ROOM MOM

As a working mom, I found that one fun way to be a part of my kids’ classrooms was to be a “room mom.” I could provide the games and treats and take a couple half-days off to partake in special classroom happenings. My kids loved helping make the party bags or plan classroom activities with me and, frankly, it was a fun way to be a part of their school life. Plus, it let me avoid the politics that I found in some other PTO committees.

A MOM’S LEGACY

A tough reality to accept: Being a working mom means you have to miss a lot. We can never be at every concert, game, or field trip. But perhaps we leave a greater legacy:

  • A working mom teaches her daughter every day that being feminine is a good thing, but so is strength, independence and self-worth.

  • We raise our sons with the understanding that women are equals, that a mom can be a great cook, a business person and a respected partner in life and work.

  • Working moms make America’s workplaces better for all of us. The environment is a little kinder and more values-based when we carry our family values into the office. Smart companies realize how these values build a better workforce and give a powerful boost to sales and profits each and every day.

  • The path we forge will, we hope, make it easier for our daughters and granddaughters and build a place where our sons can be better men.

I urge you to remember these legacies when you feel those pangs of guilt. Let go of the image of the “perfect mom” who crushes it at the office, keeps a spotless home and always has dinner on the table by 7 p.m. It’s a myth. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if your home is super clean. Do the best you can and show your kids you love them. My philosophy is, if you love your kids, they’ll be okay. Love is pretty magical stuff.

Carol Lavin Bernick
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Carol Lavin Bernick is a former executive chairman of Alberto Culver, civic leader, working mother and philanthropist. She is the author of Gather As You Go, a collection of short, digestible stories that offer powerful lessons, key insights and helpful tips based on her life experiences.

Almost every family with kids has faced that mad morning dash of trying to get up, get dressed and eat breakfast before making it out of the door on time. Even celeb families, like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s feel the pain of the morning chaos.

Kim took to Instagram to share a slice of life at the Kardashian West household in the morning. The image she posted featured the parents seated around the breakfast table with their four kids North, six, Saint, four, Chicago, two and eight-month-old baby Psalm. “Morning Madness,” she captioned the photo.

Plates of food surround baby Psalm who is actually on the center of the table in a baby seat looking very calm amidst the morning rush. Meanwhile, his bigger siblings seem to be keeping mom and dad’s hands full with pets and toys. Just a regular day with four young kids for this famous family!

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Kim Kardashian via Instagram

 

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If you are a mom, you can already relate to this story by the title alone. There is something about taking a phone call that instantaneously turns our kids into incapable, whiney, and loud little souls. In the world of texting, most of my phone calls are quick passages of information, booking appointments, or passive chit chats with friends and family.

However, there are times when a phone call is serious business and when you are a work from home parent, you have no choice but to wing it and book calls when you can. Because I have a two-year-old and a five-year-old, I am careful with booking phone calls with potential clients and meetings to time when my children will be the most cooperative. With one child in school full-time and one still at home, I am never at a place where there is complete silence.

My latest encounter with an important work call left me, prisoner, in my room with screaming kids on the other side of the door. First, we live in a small two-bedroom home, and my room doubles as my “private office” when I need to lock the door to ensure a quiet(er) phone call. When I booked this phone call with a potential client, I tried to schedule it during “after school relaxing” (i.e. screen time). Which in theory, should be the closest time to absolute silence a work at home mom will ever have (that or during the three seconds it takes them to scarf down their desert). Either way, this was my best bet.

The phone call had been set up for a few weeks and I was as prepared (or so I thought) as I could have been. Of course, unforeseeable “mom life” madness ensued. The first clue my plan was going to fall apart? When I realized my daughter’s extracurricular class was scheduled for that day, therefore cutting the hour I gave myself to get the kids home and settled from school, down to only 15 minutes. I hesitated about whether I should move the appointment back, but I did not want to come across as flakey or unorganized, so I opted to keep it and hoped for the best.

Attempting to be prepared, I had readied a plate of afternoon snacks and had them waiting for our return home. At pick up, I rushed them to the car, but we were on track and everyone seemed in good spirits! While driving home, I prepped them on the importance of the phone call, what I needed from them, what they would do, and where I would be. We made it home with one minute to spare, just enough time to unlock the door and give the remotes to my oldest—who can very well operate the tv without my help. When the phone rang, I reminded them about my phone call and asked her to turn the tv on as I skipped to the bedroom, greeted my client, and tried to make witty jokes to set a good tone.

The conversation began and within one minute my littlest one was banging on my door and screaming about the tv. Figuring it would all sort itself out once my daughter got a show on, I did not pause the phone call. Well, this continued for several minutes. By this time, I was hoping my potential client could not hear what was happening in the background. There was nothing I could do. If I opened the bedroom door to see what was going on, the screams would have been louder, and it would have taken several minutes to try and negotiate between the two kids; I was trapped in the room and tried to hurry the phone call along.

But it gets worse. On the other side of the door, unbeknownst to me, my son threw down a large house plant, spilling wet soil all over our carpet. My daughter, being five, thinks she needs to inform me right away (trumping the important phone call I asked her to stay quiet for). She then screams “mmmmoooooooooooooooooooooooommm” for about 20-second-long intervals for the remainder of the phone call. By now, I am literally crawling in my skin of embarrassment and trying to wrap up the phone call once and for all. And if I was wondering whether my client could hear the chaos in the background? Yeah, that all ended when she said: “Um, sounds like there is a lot going on, do you need to go?!” Trying for some comedic relief, I laughed and commented on, the life of a mom, and completed the phone call.

When I came out of the room, my kids took one look at my face and knew. Yes, I spent more time than necessary stewing and replaying the phone call back several times in my mind, allowing myself to fall trap to unnecessary stress. It is funny to think about how different this all would have gone down had it been my husband versus me. With my husband, my kids are much more self-sufficient, first-time listeners, and all around-complain less. But when mom enters the equation, it means everything is just more extreme. These are the moments I will look back on and laugh—I already have several times writing this article. Life is hard. Life as a mom is hard. Life as a work from home mom is hard. Even though yesterday I probably gave myself a few new gray hairs and added some wrinkles to my face, the minute I put those kids to bed and look at their sweet slumbering faces it all fades away and spend my evening looking at photos of them from Facebook memories. Let this be a reminder to give ourselves a break when “mom life” happens; because no matter how prepared we think we are for life, it will still happen, in the way we least expect it!

Hello! My name is Brittany and I am the creator of Mama Bear Britt! I am a child development specialist, former preschool director and mama of two littles. I am working hard to create a place for parents to gather, learn and share. Join my tribe! 

Celebrate the holiday season with all your favorite Disney characters. Both the Disney Channel and Disney Jr. are rolling out new holiday-themed episodes!

Starting Nov. 30, Disney will start rolling out brand new episodes of your favorite shows. From Vampirina to T.O.T.S., several of the most popular series will be bringing their own festive takes to the spirit of the season. Even the adorable interstitials, like Molang and Sunny Bunnies will be getting ether own holiday stories.

photo: Disney Junior

All of the new episodes will be premiering on both channels from Nov. 30 to Dec. 7. Check out the full schedule below:

Sat. Nov. 30

Doc McStuffins “Arctic Exposure” – 8 a.m.

Molang “Santa” – 8:25 a.m.

Bluey “Verandah Santa” – 8:30 a.m.

Mickey Mouse Hot Diggity-Dog Tales “The Lights Before Christmas!” – 10:55 a.m.

Vampirina “Gargoyle Carol” – 11 a.m.

Chip ‘N Dale’s Nutty Tales “Tinsel Tussle!”- 11:25 a.m

Sunny Bunnies “Let’s Go Get Those Presents!” – 11:55 a.m.

Fri. Dec. 6

T.O.T.S. “Santa Baby/ Shear Madness” – 9:30 a.m.

Molang “The Elves” – 9:55 a.m.

Puppy Dog Pals “Elves for a Day/ The Dreidel Dilemma” – 10 a.m.

PJ Masks Shorts “It’s a PJ Masks Christmas” – 10:25 a.m.

PJ Masks “PJ Masks Save Christmas” – 11:30 a.m.

Elena of Avalor “Festival of Lights” – 12:30 p.m.

Spookley and the Christmas Kittens – 7 p.m.

Sat. Dec. 7

Big Hero 6 The Series “The Present” –  9 a.m.

Gigantosaurus “The Shortest Day/Mazu’s Comet” –  8:30 a.m.

Big City Greens “Green Christmas” – 9:30 a.m.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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Even celebs have to deal with tantrum-prone kiddos. When actress Olivia Wilde’s five-year-old son Otis had a very public breakdown, the mama got some unexpected help—from two strangers!

Wilde recently took to Twitter chronicling the story of the incident, “Couple days ago my kid was having a level 10, defcon 1, couldn’t-control-his-body meltdown at a restaurant. It happens. Poor guy was hungry as hell and overwhelmed. I was holding four bags and my 2 yr old. It was chaos.”

We’ve all been there. And just because Wilde has the whole celebrity thing going for her doesn’t mean she’s immune from the terrors of a public tantrum. Luckily, the mama managed to stay calm until help arrived, “The place was packed and we were very much on display. I was in way over my head. I stayed calm but I was kind of crumbling inside. In the midst of the madness, 2 strangers, a young man and woman, approached and asked if they could help.”

The couple helped Wilde to walk to her car and helped strap her two-year-old daughter into the car seat. As Wilde continued to soothe her son she thanked the pair of kind strangers, adding, on Twitter, “They said, “hey no problem. We all have days like this.” Yes we do!

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Olivia Wilde via Instagram

 

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Fans at Comic Con were treated to a first look at all the new Marvel movies and shows coming in the next two years and there is plenty to be excited about. Perhaps the most thrilling news by far was the reveal of Natalie Portman as the new female Thor.

The newly announced Phase 4 slate of Marvel films will feature Portman starring as the first female goddess Thor in Thor: Love and Thunder. The new spin on the Marvel character, previously played by Chris Hemsworth, will debut in theaters Nov. 5, 2021. The new film will also feature Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie, the Marvel Universe’s first openly LGBTQ character.

In addition to the Thor news, Disney revealed a full slate of new Marvel projects set to be released in theaters and on the new Disney+ streaming platform, which debuts this fall. The new projects include a highly demanded Black Widow film starring Scarlett Johansson set to hit theaters May 1, 2020.

Other announced projects include Blade starring Academy Award winner Mahershala Ali, taking on the character previously played by Wesley Snipes. Keep an eye out for Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Fall 2020), The Eternals (Nov. 6, 2020), Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Feb. 12, 2021), WandaVision (Spring 2021), Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness (May 7, 2021), Loki (Spring 2021), What If? (Summer 2021) and Hawkeye (Fall 2021). Several of the projects, like Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Loki, WandaVision, Hawkeye and the animated What If? will be released as episodic series exclusively on Disney+.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: IMDB

 

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The Holderness Family is back at it again! This time the reigning king and queen of YouTube parenting parody videos is taking on the end of the school year madness.

In a holiday tribute medley, Penn and Kim (dad and mom Holderness) tackle everything from the dreaded sports banquet to that major project the teacher assigns when there’s only two weeks left of school.

If you’ve never heard of MAYcember, you aren’t alone. The fictional holiday-ish time of year is pretty much a reality for most parents. But given that it doesn’t have an official name (short of, “Is the school year over yet?”), we’ll leave it to the Holderness fam to explain!

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: The Holderness Family via YouTube

 

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