Lisa Tschirlig Hoelzle’s two kids were only playing in the basement for 10 minutes when her son Noah came in with news. Abigail had “something stuck in her hair,” and that something turned out to be a mom’s worst nightmare.
Noah had poured an entire container of “Bunchems” on Abigail’s hair––tiny velcro toys that are normally used to create shapes and animals. The little girl now had nearly 150 of the sticky toys tangled in her hair––a result of the kiddos trying to get them out before calling on mom. Lisa describes the coming ordeal as an “out of body experience” and we tend to agree.
Overall, it took 20 hours for Lisa to remove the tangly toys, using a combination of mineral oil, a comb and a whole lot of patience. Mom even shared with Red Tricycle that “The true miracle was that my Abigail was so amazing with it she was comforting my tears.”
Since the ordeal, Lisa shares that she has received countless photos from other families who’ve all dealt with the issue. She was even contacted by an elementary teacher who purchased them for indoor play and one Bunchem got stuck in a student’s hair. The teacher shared that it took the assistant principal and nurse an hour to get out one!
Lisa has filed a formal complain with Spin Master, the maker of Bunchems, especially pointing out the warning label that says “may get tangled in your hair” is not strong enough. She says that an additional warning should be included that addresses that the toys can can become matted in hair––and that including a shower cap would definitely help!
It creeps in late at night, when she can’t sleep—because she’s worried about every little detail from the day.
The time she lost her temper.
The show and tell item she forgot to pack.
Rather than believe we’ve succeeded, we question every move we made, how we spent every minute, every chore we didn’t get to.
And if grieving the day weren’t enough…Every winter, grief sneaks in like a looming storm cloud. Maybe it’s the holidays, maybe it’s the earlier sundown; all I know is every winter I spend my nights laying in bed, crying myself to sleep and doubting myself as a mother.
Are we doing enough in therapies?
Should we be adding new supplements?
Is the IEP good enough for meeting his needs? Should I be advocating harder for him? Do my other children get the time they need from me?
The list goes on and on. It’s a noisy spiral of information that I can’t turn off, and it makes me sad and nauseous and I lose hours of sleep—a loss I grieve deeply.
I’m nervous now, because I know it’s coming soon; like an envious green monster, jealous of my peace—it sneaks in during the wee hours of the night, and I can’t shake it off.
Last night, my son came into my room at 2:15. He grabbed my hand and asked me to come lay with him. He didn’t want to sleep alone—maybe it was a nightmare, maybe he was just restless—either way, he was awake.
But in those moments, where he comes to me, and then falls asleep holding my hand, sometimes with his head on my belly—that’s what I need to remember when I can’t shake the grief.
He wanted me.
He trusted me to make him feel safe.
We’ve built this amazing bond after years of fighting my way into his world, and now he’s pulling me into it. I laid there, and enjoyed the quiet—his calm breathing, the peace—and tried to remind myself, don’t forget these details; you’ll need the memory of this moment in a few weeks.
No matter how many wins we’ve had, no matter how many “nevers” he’s checked off the list we thought we were facing four years ago, grief sweeps in and overshadows all of that—even if only temporarily.
I’m actively working on remembering the strides he’s made so that when I feel grief grasping on, when I see that storm cloud forming, I have a list of my own, ready to flash in front of her to suppress her this winter.
The fact that you’re reading this and nodding your head means you’re already aware that she’s coming.
You’re doing a great job, mama.
I see you putting in the work. So does your child.
Remember your successes. Break loose of her grip, celebrate your wins, and shove her aside.
Amanda is a mom of two and lives in Ohio. Her son is on the autism spectrum and is who inspired her to begin her journey through advocacy. In her free time she enjoys teaching dance , hosting the MommingAutism podcast, and writing for her page Jackson’s Journey, Jackson’s Voice.
Whether you’re heading out, or staying in for Halloween 2020, the citizens of New York City are still bringing it with over-the-top and amazing Halloween decorations. From gorgeous and festive to creepy or campy, we’ve rounded up some of our favorites—that of course, you can “tour” from the comfort of your living room. (Still looking for ideas on what to do for Halloween? Check out these!)
Creepy in Kensington
Mimi O'Connor
Enormous spider/candy chute? Check. Flying bat? Check. Timely headstones with puns? Check. Check it out on E. Fourth near Albemarle.
We appreciate the maximalist sensibility of this display in Greenpoint. #moreismore
Dominating in Ditmas
Mimi O'Connor
This massive display in Ditmas Park in Brooklyn gets more elaborate each year. Spiders, creepy clowns, zombies, witches, skeletons, demons: no matter your nightmare, there's something for you! (Find it at the corner of Argyle and Albemarle Road.
Not for the faint of heart, this Halloween house in Middle Village not only sports a highly-coveted larger-than-life skeleton, its creepy display continues. (Click through photos for more terrifying tableaus.)
Disney released their first-ever Summer Reading list for kids and families to enjoy while at home. The list is comprised of 15 recommendations for ages 0 through 16 and features new books from fan favorite authors. Also to help ensure that more readers have access to books this summer and beyond, Disney Publishing is also donating one million books to Boys & Girls Clubs across the country.
Disney will also provide Boys and Girls Clubs of America with virtual programming led by Disney authors and illustrators, as part of the organization’s summer engagement series for club members
“We have a long-standing relationship with Disney and are thrilled to bring one million books to children who participate in our programs,” commented Chad Royal-Pascoe, National Vice President, Corporate & Cause Partnerships, Boys & Girls Clubs of America. “This donation comes at a time that is especially challenging for so many families and we know it will go a long way.”
Visit shopDisney.com to check out the list, explore more books from Disney Publishing and expand the stories with activity sheets and more. Many of the books on the list are available in eBook, audio book and print formats.
Life during a pandemic presents its fair share of challenges. And for those who co-parent, this can add an additional layer of difficulties. A few key tips that I’ve found useful while co-parenting in a crisis include: teamwork, always coming from a place of empathy, maintaining existing rituals, starting new ones, and above all—putting your kids first no matter what.
1. Get into Team Mode
If co-parenting was a struggle before the pandemic, this may seem like a living nightmare for some parents. In my opinion, the best thing you can do right now is to use this time to get on the same page as a united parental front. Try to leverage this hardship to be a time where you both can show that your kids are more important than the issues you both have. This will not always be smooth, but double down on trying your best.
This is a pandemic. No one knows the right move – there is no rulebook. You never know what another person is going through, so right now is a good opportunity to create a stronger relationship with your co-parent and have important conversations: What are we doing about summer? What if schools don’t reopen in September? Rally around making their lives feel as normal as possible for right now. After all, It’s you and your co-parent against the pandemic.
2. Maintain the “Co” in “Co-Parent”
My schedule as a CEO is demanding with full days of meetings, but I schedule time each day to have homework video sessions, where I handle a set of the homeschooling responsibilities. I enjoy doing homework with my kids, and their mom gets that time off to take a break. It’s a win-win.
3. Maintain Your Rituals
One ritual I’ve always shared with my kids is weekly gratitude journaling. As I tell our boys, you’ve got to be great—but you’ve also got to be grateful. Every Sunday night we write down in our book three things for which we are individually grateful. I know this is not an earth-shattering idea, but this practice has made a world of difference. It resets you and gets you prepped for the week ahead.
The things they write down can be big-ticket items like a place to live, or just the fact that they are safe and healthy. What’s helpful about writing these reflections in a notebook is that you can consult previous entries and jog your memory on truly trying days.
4. Start a Special Project
It’s important to recognize how your kids cope with change. Some of us are doing whatever we can just to make it through and stay sane, while others are thriving in a new routine. For my kids, I know they feel less anxious when we have a routine, so we decided to take this time to start a creative project. I’m a recently published author, and they’ve always taken an interest in creative writing, so we decided to start writing a children’s book about being your authentic self.
It gives them something to feel proud of and look forward to. Your project can be anything from creative writing to crafting a stand-up routine or even learning TikTok dances to show that you’re interested in their hobbies.
Hopefully, these tips can be helpful to your situation. Just like co-parenting before COVID, nothing will ever be perfect, and there will be times when things don’t feel equal or fair. Flexibility, communication, and empathy will bring the best results during a challenging time like this.
And always try to remember, even when the world is turned upside down, co-parenting is about collaboration, not competition.
Jason Harris is the Co-Founder & CEO of Mekanism, an award-winning creative advertising agency, Co-Founder of the Creative Alliance, and the nationally bestselling author of The Soulful Art ofPersuasion.
The litany of challenges facing teens in today’s modern culture mocks the floodwaters of generations past. Public is the new private for adolescents. Hard to fathom swimming in such shark infested waters when already weighed down by insecurities, body changes, and conflicting self-awareness. As a veteran teen raiser, I’m amazed by the tenacity exhibited by the Millennial population considering the ill-effects of growing up in a projector screen society.
Making matters worse is the fact teens are crazy. Not an insult, but a scientific statement. The frontal lobe of a human brain, the thing in our head capable of discerning, “If I do this, then that will happen”, doesn’t reach full development until the late twenties. Quite a ca ca meme scheme drummed up by our Creator. What was he thinking allowing a parent’s worst nightmare to coincide with a parent’s worst nightmare, i.e. teenager AND non-working brain?
Pff.
As a mom who at one point housed three cards short of a full deck under her roof at the same time, I found little solace in the irony. Until I did. Rapid cycling emotions and bewildering fads aside, teenagers have more of a grip on the world than adults give them credit for.
After being a teen, raising a teen offers an enlightening juxtaposition of reason. As a parent, you have the benefit of wisdom and experience; bi-products of evolved forward-thinking. The knowledge both snares you with exasperation when your teen does something stupid, and strokes you with benevolence when considering your jaded past. But because you can better see Yellowstone beyond the pine in your face, when your kid cries, “Uh, I never thought of that”, it’s easy to fume, “How on earth could you not see this coming?”
Choosing to accept the third world make-up of our teen’s brain gives them some leeway to screw up. And screw-up they will. On repeat. Just like we did. Multiple times over.
Today’s teens face temptations, communication mediums, and generational juggernauts leap years ahead of the challenges present in the seventies and eighties. The narcissistic pretense of instant everything, evil of streaming porn, and ever-widening availability of addictive substances on neighborhood street corners creates a vacuum of disasters waiting to happen. And this is only the short list of crouching lions looking to pounce on a teen’s well-being.
Becoming wise to the nuances of the current teen streetscape helped me recognize my parent pride and ignorance. My husband and I chose to build a bridge between our personal teen experience and our kids harrowing reality. Because teens can sniff out a hypocrite a magnificent mile away, we were transparent about our mistakes, poor choices, and misguided pursuits. Walking across the plank towards independence “together” built rock-solid trust between us.
Teens also endure a perpetual balancing act on the high wire of change. Hormonal, emotional, physical, spiritual, relational, communal, psychological metamorphosis all coalesce on the road from dependence to independence. The upheaval creates an even greater need for teens to love and be loved. A longing which, at a genuine level, requires depth and certitude, honesty and freedom—all things grossly contorted in the era of technology.
The 24/7 world of texting, snapping, posting, and tweeting about everybody’s business shallows even the best-intentioned waters. The incessant cyber gibber and constant contact waters down and glosses over authentic relationship. The result is a cesspool of insecurity reflecting the illusion of meaningful connection.
Observing my teens navigate these waters weighed on my heart. I grew to appreciate the vital importance of the following truths:
Today’s adolescents need caring adults to model authentic communication; a give and take of listening and sharing based on trust and appreciation. The teenage brain functions in the now. Therefore, it is imperative to express our gratitude, acceptance, understanding, and compassion today even if we are still fuming over their failures, mishaps, and antics tomorrow. We need to meet our teen right where they are, not where we hope they will be or wish they were already. Teenagers desire to be known for who they are, what they stand for, and what they believe whether we agree or not. Even though their journey of self-awareness is still ongoing, accepting them at each step along the way breeds hope.
Parenting through teendom transformed me into the woman I am today. The footprint I leave on the world will include, in large part, the influence of my beautiful kids in their most difficult years. The mini battles around expectations, drawn-out wars over rules, peer drama, emotional storms, adversity et al, and haphazard mania refined my spirit. And the blessing of raising them is a purified soul.
The reality is, raising teens made be a better human. For years leading up to this stage, I worried and vexed and grayed while assuming the formidable stage would be a disaster. I thought for sure I’d fail as a mom and screw up my miracles for good. Until I didn’t. Thank you, the mystique of prayers, Goose over ice, and God’s grace.
Enjoy your teens. Learn from them. Love them hard. Pray for them harder.
Since my diagnosis and hospitalizations I have often had people ask me how I am doing. It is always such a loaded question, like, where do I begin? How much do they know? How much do they want to know? Should I be honest, or should I act like I am doing good?
Most of the time I say something along the lines of, “I am hanging in there.” or, “today is a good day.” I just figure no one wants to hear, “Well, I threw up all night and I haven’t pooped in a week, but enough about me, how’s the family doing, Susanne?” Turns out, people don’t just ask this question to take up time. They genuinely want to comprehend how I am doing and what they can do for me. I learned this when recently a friend asked how I was doing and I replied with, “I am feeling so much better.” She then turned to me without skipping a beat and said, “Okay, thanks for accommodating me. How are you really doing?”
I paused and just let it roll. I may have rolled it too eagerly because pretty soon I was a sobbing mess, but my friend didn’t falter or awkwardly change the subject. She listened. She sympathized. And the surprising part was that she thanked me for being authentic because then she was better able to understand my needs. It was there that I was realized that being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak; it makes you stronger for being genuine.
The other thing I have learned is that people want to help, people want to be needed. I have seen this countless times as I have watched my tribe of family, friends, acquaintances and strangers have offered their love and assistance. This has been a very humbling experience for me…to say the least. I have always wanted to do things myself. I have a really hard time asking for help. I would almost rather serve everyone around me before asking someone to lighten MY load. I always thought like asking for help made me inferior, but then I would get upset when some of my friends kindly refused my help when I offered. By the way, why is this a problem with women? It seems like men easily can text someone, “hey bro, wanna help me move my whole house this Saturday? K, cool.”
After my incident happened and I was on the long road to recovery I literally could not do certain things. I have felt so much love for people who jumped right in to fulfill the things I could no longer do.
I feel love as I watch people deliver dinner to Peyton and Samantha. I feel love as I see a whole ward of mothers look after my children when I am in the hospital. I felt love as my new friend, a cosmetologist, came to my home to wash, cut and style my hair the night I got home from the hospital. I felt love as my friend came to the hospital armed with a girls night in activities and proceeded to curl my hair and paint my nails.
I have felt love as people have sent baby blankets, get well soon cards, inspiring books and beautiful flowers. I felt love as I have been given countless priesthood blessings from so many willing men. I feel love when my daughter shouts to me as I am laying down, “I hope you feel better!” I have felt overflowing love as I have watched my mother, father, and in-laws dedicate months and months of traveling to Florida to help us. I feel love as a friend has been doing my laundry.
I felt love when our friends came and spent their vacation watching my kids, cleaning my house and running errands for me. I felt love when a few days after my surgery my husband carried me into the hospital shower and washed my injured body, completely drenching his fully clothed body in the process.
I often have thought about this whole situation as a nightmare and an experience that impaired my life within a few minutes. I have recently started to try and shift my thinking to all of the incredible blessings that I have seen and the love I have felt as this has transpired. Had this never happened I would never have become closer to my husband, my parents, my sister, Peyton’s coworkers, my new friends and fellow church members.
If you are struggling with a difficult situation, may I share with you what I am starting to slowly learn? There is good. Find it. Hold onto it and try and grasp it when you feel like you can’t go on another minute. Feel love as people administer service for you. A nurse in the hospital shared something with me when I was being discharged and overwhelmed at the thought of recovery. She said, “Someone asked me if I could eat an elephant.” Of course, I replied, “No!” To which they told me, “You could…one small bite at a time.”
Remember, the Lord has not given you more than you can handle. These trials and hardships will make you so much stronger in the future. I know this can be difficult to hear when you just want to curl up in a ball and sulk in self-loathing. But, I know that you (and all of us!) were not sent to earth to be miserable. So if you are going to walk away with anything from this post; let it be this. Be vulnerable. Ask for help, feel love through the help and look for the good. I know you can do it!
Hi, i'm Cat! We live in Orlando, Florida where my husband works for Mickey Mouse (no, really). We have two kids, Samantha (5) & Preston (2). I suffer from a chronic illness called Short Bowel Syndrome. My ramblings are dedicated to travel adventures, nap time confessions and my medical journey. Cheers!
Lugging your suitcase while wrangling your little ones can be a travel nightmare. Factor in carrying their bags too and your terminal seems miles away. Now, traveling with kids just got easier.
LIL Flyer carry-on suitcases by Younglingz are maximizing safety and revolutionizing convenience with their unique design. Your kids can zoom about all they want without you fearing for their safety. These suitcases come with retractable handles that make keeping tabs on your child and luggage. The padded seat cushion makes the ride comfortable.
These ride on suitcases are perfect for family vacations, school field trips, and weekend getaways. The LIL Flyer suitcase line is going to become a family travel favorite.
Carry-on baggage policies vary from airline to airline. Be sure to check with your airline before flying. This product is recommended for children, 3 years and up. Maximum child weight is 50lbs (23kg).
Whether you’re a Frozen fan or you covet that perfect rose in Beauty and the Beast, there’s a gorgeous Disney bouquet made just for you in this incredible collection.
The Roseshire x Disney collab features stunning rose bouquets themed to some of the best and most romantic Disney films and characters of all time. Each bouquet is packaged in a decorative box featuring a personalized message. Unfortunately, only a handful of this gorgeous collection are available for delivery during Valentine’s week, but there’s no rule against sending flowers just because, and these are so worth it.
If you’re a fan of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin or Alice In Wonderland, you’ll definitely want to check out the rest of the Disney collab collection, which is available year round, with the exception of Valentine’s week.
I admit to having been jealous of my friends whose babies could be put to bed awake, parents walking away and closing the door, and baby sleeping for 6 or 8 or 10 hours (or simply sleeping!). I felt for my friends who tried to ‘sleep train’ but whose babies couldn’t regulate. I empathized with my friends who co-slept especially if not by choice. We were in some middle ground of sorts—not cosleeping, not crying it out, but not able to leave the room until our boys were so sound asleep that they couldn’t detect the vibrations of our exit. It was exhausting. And yet it was extraordinary.
Bedtime was a series of extended rituals: bathing, reading, singing, nursing, rocking, more singing. Over time, the routine morphed into their choice of storybooks (one for each) and songs, requesting who would read (mom or dad—usually it was dad with his fun character voices), deciding where they’d lay down (their own beds separately or with each other on one). Before they were talking, they used sign language to make these requests and to engage with us, and as they continued to grow, bedtime became the time they told us the most about their day or their desires or their worries. They asked questions. The conversations were deep and significant. The dreaded bedtime became a welcome time together, even special.
In October the Hearty Soul posted an article indicating that laying down with your kids at night is not a bad habit. They talk about Attachment Parenting (AP), but it’s not as exclusive as that. I don’t consider myself to have been in the tight AP circles so to speak, but I do agree with the philosophy of continuing to deepen the parent/child bond as they grow up. I strongly believe that the time with my kids at night was one of the things that led to healthy attachment and independence.
My kids grew up in the city, so they learned to navigate the subways and more; they developed street smarts; they became independent and felt empowered to do so. They were different kids, though. Despite the same sleep-time needs, one was ready to travel on his own around town at a younger age than the other, but they did it on their own time and did it very well. I also appreciated that my younger son, even at 18, still liked to say good night in person, at his bedside (and he was able to fall asleep on his own!).
Every family should feel comfortable with their own routines and choices. It’s important not to feel pressured by other parents and families but to do the research and make informed choices for yourselves. Most of all, listen to your child. Sure, kids can be manipulative, I know, but there’s usually a reason for it; they’re also teaching you something about them and their needs right from day one. And eventually, they won’t want you around as much (in my opinion) so take it while you can!
Lora Heller is a music therapist, Deaf educator, and author of several sign language books for kids. She has also written for music therapy professional publications and national parenting magazines and is the on-line expert for various parenting programs including ParentsTV.com baby sign language videoseries. Lora founded Baby Fingers in 2000. www.mybabyfingers.com
