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Being Dad is one of the most rewarding, frustrating, and terrifying things a man can go through. Each stage of parenthood takes on a whole new set of challenges and surprises. With these new challenges and surprises, there is always an opportunity for personal growth though. I have a Bachelor and Master of Arts, but the information and lessons I’ve learned in parenthood have given me something that no degree could ever give.

As a father, I am continually asking myself, “What exactly is a good father?” What makes a father good or bad? Am I a good father? The answers to these questions vary from culture to culture, and even from generation to generation, but something my three-year-old said the other day made me proud of the father that I am and becoming.

Since my oldest started kindergarten, we have had some amazing conversations as a family. She is being introduced to a whole new world of questions and ideas which has impacted our younger son. The topic at hand the other day was what she wanted to be when she grew up. This wasn’t a “new” conversation. We have discussed this topic many times in our household. My oldest daughter said that she wants to work with her mom, which is spectacular because my wife is an associate preschool minister at our church. My son’s response, however, was new. He said that he wanted to be a dad.

At first, this took me by surprise. I wanted to react and ask him was he wanted to “do” for a living—what he wanted his job to be. Then I hesitated and thought about it for a beat. It’s not the typical three-year-old response, but those words echoed in my mind. Being a dad is a job. It’s the most honorable job that a man can do. Instead of correcting him, I looked into his big blue eyes and said, “That’s awesome, buddy. You can definitely be a dad when you grow up.”

As a dad who mostly works from home, I have the incredible opportunity to spend a lot of time with my kids. Most days are great, but as any parent knows, there are some days when I want to pull my hair out and make my kids play in their rooms quietly for the rest of the day. It never comes to that, mind you, but those thoughts do creep up from time to time. There are days when I question my ability as a dad and look at myself as an utter failure. Sometimes I am a failure. I’m not, nor will ever be the perfect parent, but that recognition has given me the perspective to strive to be better.

When my son exclaimed that he wanted to be a dad, for me it was more than just a funny response. It showed me that I was indeed doing something right. The fact that I’ve made such an impression as a dad, that my son wants to be what I am when he grows up, is humbling. It’s my hope and prayer that I can be the dad that he wants to be someday. I know that as he grows, this might not always be the case, but as of right now it’s a win for me.

To dads reading this out there, may this be both challenging and an encouragement. Cherish the “little wins” in parenting. When you are having a tough day, and the kids just don’t want to listen, hold fast to the cherishable moments. Remember, no one has ever been a perfect parent, but we can always be better. May our kids see us and say, “I want to be a dad.”

I am a christian, husband, father, friend, student, and educator. I love spending time with my family outdoors and on our many adventures. I enjoy reading, writing, and learning.

Stay-At-Home Moms Deserve Work-Life Balance, Too—Here’s How

It’s safe to say that mom life is never boring. Millions of moms around the world battle the everyday struggle of simply finding time to “do it all”—myself included. However, even on those darkest days when you just want to give up and binge on Netflix, there’s a way to balance being a mom and finding time for yourself.

There’s no secret “key” to being able to balance everything. If there were, we’d have all unlocked that door by now, right? When it comes to finding a work-life balance, it takes patience and understanding of your true goals. This can be increasingly more difficult if you work from home as well. Trust me! When you’ve got little ones in the home during the workday, it can add a few extra stresses and hurdles, too. I’m happy to share all the tidbits of knowledge that I’ve accumulated over the years. What works for me may not work for all. But I can say that if you’re stressed now, any steps forward on a different path can help.

1. Make a real schedule.

I know, I know. Schedules can be tedious and draining… I get it. But, this is where you need to think differently. Make a schedule that fits your lifest‌yle. If you know that you’re going to get sidetracked during the day, create your daily schedule to accommodate that. It’s the only way I can manage a home, three kids and running my blog.

Planning on eating lunch at noon? Write that into your schedule. But instead of giving yourself 30 minutes to sit down and eat, pencil in an hour—just in case. If you allow yourself a bit of wiggle room in your schedule, you automatically don’t feel as stressed. And when you don’t feel as stressed, things just tend to go a bit more smoothly. Be sure to pencil in some time for things YOU enjoy throughout the day—whether that means taking a 30 minute break to watch your favorite show or making a quick call to your friend while you clean the kitchen. And when your schedule of tasks is over for the day, stop there. Don’t you dare try to clean another thing. Let yourself rest.

2. Use your phone for something other than scrolling through Facebook.

More than likely, your cell phone probably isn’t very far from you at all at this very moment. Most people know where it is at all times and are constantly grabbing it, reading mom blogs with it, playing on it or just scrolling and wasting time.

And while I won’t ask you how much time per day you spend on in Internet searching and scrolling, I will ask you to change your mindset about your phone. Instead of looking at your phone as an escape, look at your phone as a tool to help you overcome and stay on track. Phones are helpful in so many ways that we often tend to forget their true function. Your phone can help you balance everything. It’s crazy simple.

For example, if you know that you need to do at least three loads of laundry every single day, but somehow it never happens, your phone is there to help. Set an alarm to put a load of laundry in at 8 a.m. and another alarm at 9 a.m. to move it to the dryer. Boom! Just like that, you got a friendly reminder from your phone and you’re on track (now folding… that can be a whole other alarm on its own!). Keep setting those alarms throughout the day and soon enough, you’ll start to notice that your mind will create a routine that you don’t even have to think about. Plus, knowing you got your tasks done during the day means more peace at night when you have time for some TLC. No one wants thoughts about their dirty dishes during a bubble bath.

3. Outsource, outsource, outsource.

As a mom, you’re always busy! You have a million little and big things to do. The best tip I can give you is to outsource the things that you don’t enjoy doing. For me, that was grocery shopping. Loading three small kids into the minivan to find the best deals at Aldi was a marathon to say the least. I would come home utterly exhausted. Since I found InstaCart, a grocery shopping app, I haven’t been in a grocery store in months. It is well worth the small additional fee to save my sanity and time. Remember, balancing it all doesn’t mean doing it all. Getting rid of some tasks means more time and energy to take care of yourself.

4. Define your physical and mental limits, then stick to them.

I’m a firm believer that when you’re mentally healthy, it has a direct positive effect on your work-life balance. The longer that you run around and wear yourself out without giving yourself time to rest, the more crazy and chaotic your home life will be. That chaos leaves you with less time to take care of yourself. The moment that you understand your mental and physical limits as a mom, you’ll find a much more effective manner to do everything.

I understand that giving yourself time every day to relax may not be possible if you have a little tribe of children keeping you busy. But ask for help so you can collect yourself and be a strong mom again.

5. Make your happiness a priority.

When it comes to finding balance, you need to always remember to factor in your happiness and personal growth as well. Our minds are a beautiful thing and so it’s important to take care of them. No matter when you choose to do so, do something for yourself daily, even if you start with only five minutes. You’ll be amazed at how much more energized you feel. More than likely, your work-life balance will start to show improvements as well!

—Suzi Whitford for Fairy Godboss

Fairygodboss Georgene Huang & Romy Newman, Founders
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

As the largest career community for women, Fairygodboss provides millions of women with career connections, community advice and the hard-to-find intel about how companies treat women.

Am I the only mother who dreams of being the glamorous image of the successful single mom who manages to get her child up, dressed and prepped for school with ease, while sporting her freshly highlighted blow-out and 4-inch stilettos after having already gone for her 6 a.m. Central Park run and sipped her green juice?

Or am I?

The reality looks more like trying to sit down and meditate for five minutes, only to be (cutely) interrupted by, “Mommy, I don’t want to go to school today. Some girls are being mean to me.” Or, walking into the kitchen wanting to make a healthy breakfast before I send my daughter off to a day of education, only to be disgusted by the dishes in the sink. And the most consistently, walking out the door in comfy clothes.

Sweats it is. Again.

The 6 a.m. Central Park run has yet to speed its way into my morning routine, however, running (no pun intended) a business has created the foundational example for my personal growth, along with my daughter’s. Here’s what happened to me about nine years ago…

My husband and I had just split and after all things were said and done, I was left with nothing. So there I was alone with my daughter and yet ambitious like never before.

After the divorce I was forced to move back home to live with my mother. I had about $6,000 dollars in savings and my mind was quick to conceive ideas for potential business ventures. I figured I needed to invest my money wisely, as this was my only backbone.

One day the idea sparked to buy an ice cream truck and be that pregnant mom selling sweet treats around town. I invested $4,000 of my savings into that business and bought a beautiful magenta and fuchsia ice cream truck. The business did well enough for me to save up money to make the move to New York City.

My beginnings were humble indeed; my primary food income source for the household was Electronic Benefits Transfer, also known as EBT, which is a much preferred euphemism to what are known as food stamps. 

As my daughter was blossoming into her toddler years, she began self-proclaiming veganism and her desire for fresh fruits and vegetables. I began scouring the city seeking the freshest produce I could find. When finding these produce sources online and wanting to place orders, I would be halted in my attempts due to the online space not accepting EBT as a form of online payments.

This struck the need for firstly, opening the conversation around why food stamps are not accepted online and how we can get them accepted so that our products can be affordable for all. And secondly, following my rigorous research efforts, I found that there was a need for fresh, local produce that could be easily delivered to one’s doorstep.

And thus, Farmbox Direct was born!

Rooted in Manhattan, we started small by shipping locally to New York City and Brooklyn. And flipping the pages forward now to five years later, we ship all across the country. I have been recognized by the White House under the Obama administration and when Sam Kass joined First Lady Michelle Obama as the Executive Director for the Let’s Move! Campaign, he and I collaborated to eradicate food deserts throughout the United States. Sam has since joined Farmbox Direct’s Advisory Board. With this company, I hope to give as many people as possible the right to eat healthfully.

My passion for people’s health has poured into my daughter Harlow’s set of creative outlets. Her love for yummy, cooking is blossoming into a business of her own. Harlow’s Harvest is my daughter’s and my company where we offer monthly cooking kits for kids.

The road of entrepreneurship is a journey of highs and lows, but the deep satisfaction in creating your own business is getting to write the end of your own book. You don’t always get to choose the chapters, however, through reverse engineering you can envision your end goal and begin to fill in the steps from there.

The entrepreneur spirit resides within us all, however it is up to us to act on the ideas and bring them into existence. It requires a leap of faith and the dose of courage to stamp your own destiny.

And yes, you can do it in sweats.

Ashley Tyrner is the founder of Farmbox Direct. She went from food stamps to the CEO of a national brand that aims to eradicate the food desert problem. She lives in New York City with her daughter Harlow, who recently launched Harlow’s Harvest.

Is that you?  Are you feeling as if you should have made New Year’s resolutions, but haven’t yet because you know you can’t possibly fit one more thing into your life?  You know you need time for work in the workplace and at home, time for your family, time for spiritual renewal, time for giving back to society, time for personal growth, time for exercise and a bit of downtime for yourself. And there are only 24 hours in a day. And you need to sleep. 

There seem to be more and more studies on the short-term and long-term dangers associated with sleep deprivation. It’s not surprising that you feel overwhelmed. Who has time to keep  or even to make, New Year’s resolutions?

As I reflected on the “no time” for anything more problem, I thought of the women I knew who had really impressed me with how well they’d managed the times in life that were busiest. I realized two things they all did that you might consider when envisioning the coming year. These amazing women had determined what they were doing that others could do instead and they combined the items in their must do list, finding activities that helped meet multiple demands on their time.

What others might do for you is interesting to ponder. If your parents or in-laws are nearby, ask them how they might like to help so they feel useful, not used.  Hire out mundane tasks to the extent you can afford to do this. Work with your spouse or partner or older children to divide up responsibility for some of the tasks. 

I went to graduate school with a working mom whose family had divided dinner preparation responsibilities and dad and each of the children planned for and prepared dinner one night each week, mom still cooked two nights, they had take-in one night and went out one night. The shopping list was prepared for the week and each person contributed requirements, shopping was done online and the food was delivered to the home. This approach worked very well for them and they each enjoyed their weekly night of hosting and the other nights when they were served. 

Work with your friends to see how you can help each other. Many busy moms have realized that they don’t need to go to every practice event so take turns driving  and also take turns hosting overnights and play time. I’m sure you can think of more things you are currently doing that others might help you do with mutual benefits.

It can also be rewarding to think about activities that enable you to meet multiple demands on your time. Perhaps the most interesting is to think about how time with family members can also be time when you are learning  or doing household tasks  or exercising  or giving back to society or even enjoying personal down time. In the last category for example, I notice when I have manicures that often there are little girls and boys there with their moms loving every second of having their nails painted green  or having sparkles or pictures placed on their tiny finger nails  and at least in my local salon, the cost is minimal.  

The trip to the manicurist probably also included some one-on-one time in the car with mom. I recall doing meal clean-up with my mom and sister. My sister and I thought it strange that our mom participated, but it made our job easier and faster, so we didn’t question her decision. Many years later I asked my mom why she had been part of the clean-up team. She expressed surprise that I hadn’t realized it was one of her favorite times. She noted that my sister and I would talk non-stop and it kept her aware of much more that was going on in our worlds than she would have known otherwise. 

Make your resolutions for the year be to share the workload (note that I didn’t recommend delegating or offloading the work) and to think of activities that might help you address multiple priorities simultaneously.  Discussions on how to accomplish these resolutions might even be fun.

Lynne Devnew is an associate faculty member within the University of Phoenix doctoral program, a distinguished research fellow, and chairs the Women and Leadership Research Group at University of Phoenix. Dr. Devnew’s work is focused on women’s leadership aspirations and leader identity development and women on boards of directors.

Prepare to be amazed: your kids that love to swing on the refrigerator doors now have an appropriate (and safe!) outlet for their acrobatic desires. Enjoy the excitement of the circus at one of these fantastic acrobatic and trapeze studios with classes catered to kids.

photo credit: Le Studio

Relax Mama, It’s Safety First:  There’s no clowning around with safety at these studios. All venues listed are insured with certified/licensed rigging and trained instructors. Also, if you’re looking to mix up your own workout routine, classes are offered for adults too (go for it!).

Le Studio
Focused on personal growth, flexibility and fun, Le Studio offers a one-on-one empowerment program, started by a successful vet of the entertainment business. A warm, engaging environment festooned with cozy seating areas amidst hanging silks, trapeze, aerial hoop (lyra), and a mini-tight rope, Le Studio concentrates on youth programs, with the smallest tykes (age 3 & up) safely learning self-esteem and building confidence through aerial arts. At Le Studio, private or semi-private study prevails, allowing kids to work at their own pace and focus on specific skills and routines with one of their coaches, who are performers themselves. Beginner’s Recreation Classes are a great introduction to all the fun. Advanced Acrobats are for kids age 6-9 where kids with unusual strength, potential, and determination can try out for a team.

Location: 9500 B Jefferson Blvd., Culver City
Phone: 310-855-4353
Online: lestudiola.com

 

photo credit: Kinetic Theory via yelp

Kinetic Theory
“Join the circus without leaving home,” invites Kinetic Theory. 25-foot ceilings and 10,000 sq. ft. of training space in a converted Culver City warehouse summon kids to defy gravity on ropes, ribbons and static trapeze, enjoying a safe, soft landing, guided by professionally trained acrobats who are experienced performers. The school offers weekly small group classes for bouncy youngsters, 4 years old & up. Fundamentals of acrobatics, juggling and coordination skills can be combined with tumbling and hand balancing. Private instruction is also available and advanced students age 8 & up are eligible to join a performance troupe.

Location: 3604 Holdrege Ave. (at Jefferson), Los Angeles
Phone: 310-606-2617
Online: kinetictheorytheatre.com

Cirque School
Envisioned by a veteran of Cirque du Soleil, Cirque School in Hollywood offers a safe, non-competitive environment for “anybody with any body” to embrace circus arts. A 6,000 foot converted industrial loft with beamed ceilings and exposed brick walls, the studio holds weekly workshops for Cirque Kids beginning at age 7. Walking a low wire and spinning on fabric with a partner fosters teamwork like no other sport. Young ones learn balance and coordination while building strength, in an outlet that feeds their imaginations.

Location: 5640 ½ Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood
Phone: 424-226-2477
Online: cirqueschoolla.com

photo credit: Sharyn Morrow via flickr

Trapeze School
A.k.a. TSNY (Trapeze School New York, in Los Angeles): with an outpost at the Santa Monica Pier, it’s easy for the aspiring trapeze artists to get into the swing of things. With a serious focus on safety, kids ages 6 & up can experience the ease of the flying trapeze ‘en plein air’ over a nice stretchy net at the Pier. At TSNY’s indoor studio at 7th and Wilshire, also in Santa Monica, kids can also learn conditioning and body awareness through classes in trampoline, silks, lyra and static trapeze.

Location: 370 Santa Monica Pier & 1207 7th St., Santa Monica
Phone: 310-394-5800
Online: losangeles.trapezeschool.com

Hollywood Aerial Arts
Named for its proximity to Hollywood Park in Inglewood, Hollywood Aerial Arts offers aerial production and design as well as instruction for all ages. Started by a trapeze and tightrope artist with more than 40 years experience, the studio has daily group classes in tissue, hoop, Spanish web (rope) and high flying trapeze. Kids as young as 4 are invited to take a leap; all participants must start with an introductory 2-hour class. Drop-ins are accommodated as space is available.

Location: 3838 W. 102nd St., Inglewood
Phone: 310-412-7171
Online: hollywoodaerialarts.com

photo credit: Hugo’s Gymfitness

Hugo’s Gymfitness
Hugo’s packs a lot of fitness in one place, from gymnastics to rock climbing to, you guessed it, aerial and acrobatic training. Instructors are incredibly talented performers, and they’re charming and enthusiastic with kids in the weekly Kids Aerial/Circus Arts class. Held in a special area of a gigantic 12,000 square foot gym, parents can sit and watch (or cringe) as their kids (ages 6 & up) learn to flip, twirl and spin on apparatus like the hoop, cube and trapeze. Students who love to show off their skills may be invited to perform at the yearly “Hugo Olympics.”

Location: 21107 Centre Pointe Parkway, Santa Clarita
Phone: 661-255-2700
Online: hugosgymfitness.com

Have your little acrobats ever hit the silks? We’d love to hear about your kid’s experiences walking the tightrope or flying through the air!

–Kim Orchen Cooper & Shannon Guyton

As a life coach, I’m a huge proponent of personal growth, and growth usually means change. Becoming happier often means re-engineering a bad habit, or starting a healthy new routine (like exercise or meditation). But sometimes the best thing that we can do for our happiness is stick with an old routine.

Researchers believe that the brains in both humans and animals evolved to feel calmed by repetitive behavior, and that our daily rituals and habits are a primary way to manage stress. Ever notice that you always drive to work the same way, even though there are dozens of other routes? Or that you always put deodorant on right after you brush your hair? Each of us has hundreds of little habits that carry us through the day. The fast-paced world we live in can feel quite unpredictable, but our daily rituals can help us feel more in control, often without us ever realizing it.

Return to routine. What daily routine or ritual did you drop this summer that you realize now provided you with a little respite of calm? What routine do you have now that you’ll stick with?

Christine Carter, Ph.D., is a coach and the author of RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.  A sociologist at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, her goal is to help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children.

Want more great tips?
Happy Mom Tip #1: Disconnect
Happy Mom Tip #2: Stop Rushing Around
Happy Mom Tip #3: Express Gratitude
Happy Mom Tip #4: Organize
Happy Mom Tip #5: Forgive Someone
Happy Mom Tip #6: Get Excited About Someone Else’s Good News
Happy Mom Tip #7: Celebrate a Mistake
Happy Mom Tip #8: Talk To Strangers
Happy Mom Tip #9: Share Your Good News
Happy Mom Tip #10: Flex Your Generosity Muscle
Happy Mom Tip #11: Be Kind
Happy Mom Tip #12: Take a Break 
Happy Mom Tip #13: Dance Around
Happy Mom Tip #14: Make Yourself Guffaw
Happy Mom Tip #15: Take a Stroll
Happy Mom Tip #16: Go Out and Play With Some Friends
Happy Mom Tip #17: Give Out Some Hugs
Happy Mom Tip #18: Find Some Inspiration
Happy Mom Tip #19: Get Out into Nature
Happy Mom Tip #20: Imagine Your “Best Possible Future Self”
Happy Mom Tip #21: Get Enough Sleep
Happy Mom Tip #22: Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
Happy Mom Tip #23: Expose Yourself to Someone Else’s Pain
Happy Mom Tip #24: Turn Off the Boob Tube
Happy Mom Tip #25: Don’t Buy That Thing That You Really Want
Happy Mom Tip #26: Take a Blatant Nap
Happy Mom Tip #27: Play a Game That Makes You Happy
Happy Mom Tip #28: Spend Some Time Alone
Happy Mom Tip #29: Take a Power Nap
Happy Mom Tip #30: Learn Something New
Happy Mom Tip #31: Have an Easy Morning
Happy Mom Tip #32: One Kind Thing.
Happy Mom Tip #33: Exhale. Twice.
Happy Mom Tip #34: Stop Stalling 
Happy Mom Tip #35: Make Your Task List More Fun
Happy Mom Tip #36: Ignore Your Kids
Happy Mom Tip #37: Take 20
Happy Mom Tip #38: Call a Friend
Happy Mom Tip #39: Lower Your Expectations
Happy Mom Tip #40: Commit to Kindness
Happy Mom Tip #41: Automate a Hassle
Happy  Mom Tip #42: Say No to Someone Besides Yourself
Happy Mom Tip #43: Hang Out with an Animal
Happy Mom Tip #44: Listen to Your Favorite Songs
Happy Mom Tip #45: Skip Those Christmas Cookies
Happy Mom Tip #46: Write a Love Letter

photo courtesy of BZO via Creative Commons