ML Interest Tag: perspective

How My Son’s Diagnosis Taught Me More about Myself

By Shannon Gainey

mom and baby

Photo: Adventures in Autism with Murphy

I’m Shannon and this is how autism helped me find myself. My true self. I’m the proudest boy mom to the two most amazing boys. One of those boys was diagnosed with autism two years ago and completely changed everything I thought I knew about myself and autism.

The day our “Adventure in Autism” started was the darkest day of my life. I felt like I was being forced to go on a journey I didn’t want to go on. I did everything I could to keep from boarding that plane. I tried for the longest to keep that plane from taking off. I just knew this flight we were reluctantly on was headed to crash and burn. I feared the label, autism, more than anything I had ever feared before. I had feelings of shame. Despair. Loneliness. I talked about autism only when I had to. I never openly told anyone my son was autistic unless they asked. I thought that with enough therapy we would cure autism right away. It would be gone as quickly as it had appeared. No one would ever have to know. I cried at the sight of puzzle pieces and I only acknowledged autism during the month of April.

Through all the resistance our journey continued. Day after day. Month after month. Autism was still there, but so was my son. The son I knew before the diagnosis. The son I had fell so in love with since the first days our eyes met. I started to see that autism had always been there, even in the moments that I had put my blinders on. I quickly came to the realization to not love and accept autism was to not love or accept my son.

Day after day, I started to open up little by little. But I was still very guarded. See autism can be a very controversial and confusing world to an outsider like myself. I never thought our hard was “hard enough” and I didn’t think we were worthy. My son was diagnosed with Level 1.High functioning. He could talk. He played with other kids. He made progress. Everyone I associated with autism had it so much worse than us. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t want to offend anyone. Puzzle piece or infinity symbol? My son has autism or is an autistic? High functioning? Labels? Was I suppose to celebrate the month of April? Was I a bad parent because I worshipped ABA and all the therapies? I kept quiet. I talked about the good things about autism. My new perspective. My journey to acceptance. The progress my son made. The beauty that this journey had shown me thus far. Every time I got the urge to speak about our hard, I shoved it down. I buried it. I continued to show the Disney side of autism. That’s what people wanted to hear about right? People didn’t want to hear the negative. And then my son regressed.

I watched everything we had worked so hard for the past year disappear slowly. I tried to grasp and hold on to our world as I watched it fall apart. I had found myself once again in a dark place on this journey. Except this darkness was different. This darkness was darker than any black hole. Lonelier than any feeling of isolation I had experienced previously. The presence of even the smallest glimmer of light was absent. The sheer hopelessness of our new reality engulfed me. And so I got mad. Mad at this journey. Mad once again at autism. Or so I thought.

I quickly realized it wasn’t autism that the source of my anger was me. It was me. I was so very angry with myself. I realized that I had created my current reality. I was the one who stayed quiet. I was the one who didn’t think our story was worthy. I was the one that stayed submissive about our journey. I sadly realized that the current reality I found myself in, darkness, loneliness, and isolation, could be my son’s forever reality if the world stayed the way it was.

And so I started talking. I started sharing our worthy story. I started talking about the hard. I started processing my feelings through writing. Our world was still very hard. Sharing our story didn’t have any change that. But I started to notice that I was less and less alone. People willingly boarded the plane with us and joined our adventure. That darkness that I talked about earlier, I started that see a glimmer of light way off in the distance. I finally started to feel our story was worthy. I finally felt we were seen. Seen by my parents. Family. Friends. Other moms. Special needs moms. Moms that had a hard way harder than ours. I started to see that people saw my son in a different light. They saw his challenges, his victories. They were able to celebrate with us! That beautiful perspective autism had shown me early in our journey, I had selfishly kept that to myself.

Now that I was sharing our truth, others were able to see the beauty of this journey through our hard. They were able to join us on our adventure. They wanted to join us on this journey. And so I continued talking. And now a day hasn’t gone by where I don’t talk about our journey. I use to not be able to say the word autism. It was too painful. But what no one told me on that dark day two years ago is how this adventure would not only be an adventure about my son, it would be an adventure that would lead me to myself. My true self. Someone who isn’t ashamed anymore. Someone who speaks up for those that are different so they never have to feel less. Someone who knows the worth of her son and what he deserves. Someone not afraid to share and talk about the hard. Because it’s in the hard, that I truly found myself. My entire life was changed two years ago by one word. But it’s the best change that could have happened to me. It’s a change that I needed in the worst way. It’s a change that more people in this world today need. And for that reason, I will continue to talk and share. I won’t keep quiet. Because it’s the ones that are the most resistant on this journey that need that change the most.

This post originally appeared on Adventures in Autism with Murphy.

Shannon is a proud boy mom, Hairstylist, and passionate Autism Advocate. She lives in New Orleans, Louisiana with her two sons Murphy (5) and Merrick (2).  Murphy was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. Follow her family as they journey through Autism together on Adventures in Autism with Murphy Facebook and Instagram page. 

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To the Special Needs Parents Who Came before Us

By Tabitha Cabrera

When we roll into this new year, it was time to look back at our choices over the last year and reevaluate our goals for change in the new year.

There is no doubt that 2020 will forever be one of the years we all can reflect on.

In 2020 we became special needs parents and discovered both our children carried the medical diagnosis, autism spectrum disorder.

When children are diagnosed, we often hear that the words in no way change who they are. The words on the paper provided a road to services and support they need. The words are only one small part of who they are.

After an autism diagnosis, we fight an inner battle of emotions and dive into learning as much as possible. It can feel overwhelming, and the fear of what the future will hold can suffocate you from the now.

Autism has daily fresh starts. We often watch skills get lost while others form. We open our homes and hearts to strangers who provided resources and sometimes challenging conversations about how we should parent our children. We try what others have for our children and family because they walked through the stage we are in now. I have listened to others stories of diagnosis before there was any awareness or support. I can’t imagine navigating all the systems before the internet age. We have had the opportunity to learn and grow from others paths. They walked the hard roads before awareness and paved the way for us to talk about our experiences.

Before I was given the gift of mothering these spectacular children, I worried about how I could grow as a person and what mark I would leave on this world. After I held both of my children in my arms, my focus shifted outward.

How could I give them everything they needed? What can I pass on to them that will shape who they are?

I wanted to provide a safe landing place they could return to anytime they felt lost. To have an open door I would be standing behind to catch them when they fall. I wanted them to know they would be circled in love and try and accept the choices they made for themselves.

As we parent our children, our mindset often changes based on who they are, and our children help shape what our parenting will be. All parents reach out to those who have come before them for tips and solidarity.

As my focus shifted outward, my hopes of being a security net for my children when they need me haven’t changed. The wide net has expanded to a community that now catch me when I fall.

To the parents who have come before, who talk and share about your experience, thank you. I have learned so much. You have allowed me to learn from your life and to change what I thought this parenting journey would look like with a fresh perspective. To absorb the wins every day, feel the feelings, know that it is normal to sit with them sometimes, snuggle in our children, learn from yours and all your kindness. I will embrace the kindness, learn from the daily fresh starts, and find comfort in your story.

This post originally appeared on www.peaceofautism.com.

Tabitha Cabrera, lives in Arizona with her husband, and two beautiful children. She works as an Attorney and enjoys spending her time in a public service role. The family loves nature and ventures outdoors as much possible. Come check out her little nature babies

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Why Some Marriages Fail: My Experience Revealed

By Pedro Odubayo Thompson

My marriage, like any other, started on an excellent footing. It began with hope and great expectation, and there were love and friendship. We were two young people taking this marriage journey together. Because we were different in every respect despite the effort to become united in spirit and flesh, we still saw things from a divergent perspective. That’s not surprising as we had a completely different upbringing and background.

Could it be that the essentials that make a healthy and successful marriage (the strings that bind the package together) were completely missing in my marriage?

I must confess that some of these elements probably were carelessly handled. Was there a lack of communication, patience, humility, forgiveness, time commitment, faithfulness, honesty, and trust? All leading to an inevitable failed marriage? Probably so.

As far as I’m concerned, as the husband and breadwinner, I thought I was doing my best to make sure my family didn’t lack anything. But by so doing, I missed spending quality time with my wife, and that was a problem in itself. I don’t want to paint myself as a saint because they say it takes two to tango and the fault should be shared by both parties, for that reason, I should be partly blamed. If I was more mature maybe I would have handled many situations much better. Indeed, being ready to be more patient, humble, and able to forgive. Doing so would have solved many problems that later became a thorn in my side.

The breakup was very devastating for me, most especially with the children at the center of it all. They say when two elephants fight the grass suffers. My children weren’t the only ones who were affected by this turmoil because I was also caught in the middle as well. It caused me to weep in the open and in secret. I missed their warmth and everything else about my children, which caused me to become depressed and created other health problems that I might have for the rest of my life.

No Wonder They Say, Love Kills

Marriage is a natural and sacred institution contracted to last as long as we live. We say, “Till death do us part.”

The one-million-dollar question is, has this union always worked out for everybody as planned? The answer, without any hesitation, is absolutely NO. Is there a guide to fix these varied marriage problems? I hope so because it’s said where there’s a will, there should be a way. Therefore, both sides of the marriage should always plan to put their home in order.

Why didn’t my marriage work?

Well, it was all due to a catalog of missing fundamental building blocks that a great marriage creates. In addition to those mentioned previously, add the lack of maturity, patience, and forgiveness. What about self-ego, undaunting faithfulness, selfishness, and many more from both parties, as the fault of a failed marriage cannot be one-sided.

It needs the maturity of both sides for the marriage to succeed. Every union begins with great dreams: Love for one another, being faithful to each other, raise healthy and well-matured kids, both mentally, psychologically, and otherwise.

A marriage is like a flower that needs constant watering to grow. The same goes for a relationship—it requires many open discussions to keep it warm and running smoothly. Intrinsic is the need for wisdom, understanding, and all it will take to let it flourish. The more insight and knowledge we apply to the union, the more likely the marriage will survive and mature.

The consequences of a failed marriage are devastating. A couple must strive to tap into whatever resources are available to learn how to keep the marriage afloat. At the core, decisions must be made between both partners to decide who the wage earner is, which activities will be undertaken toward the children’s feeding and nurturing, and keeping the home running smoothly. It’s of utmost importance to maintain constant dialogs to put things in their right perspective. Doing so will prepare the marriage to weather any storm both in rosy and challenging times.

Furthermore, the waters can become choppy in a marriage when it becomes necessary to cooperate and lend a hand to extended family members (husband’s and wife’s siblings). These actions can cause so many setbacks where one part of the family is favored over the other.

It is no wonder that these issues constitute some of the headaches that marriages face (depending on tradition and culture). Some cultures expressly include extended families in the marriage. As the saying goes: when you’re married into a family, you’re not just married to your wife or husband but to the whole clan.

Just this aspect can produce fruits of discord instead of agreement and love. When that happens, it means love has become bitter and downright poisonous in the marriage. It begins to go down a slippery slope producing contrary effects. But when the children are caught in the middle of all this confusion, it becomes even dangerous for everybody involved, and it could provoke a lot of unwanted problems.

Things get out of hand entirely when the father or the mother enters into a new marriage after their divorce. Children’s issues become more challenging and can escalate when one parent isn’t cooperative. Still, it’s imperative to continue looking for ways by all means despite the rough path to follow.

With all things being equal, my marriage has taught me a lifelong lesson. Though I cannot go back and correct the past, I will always make good the lessons learned by investing in the present and hoping for a better and prosperous future.

Pedro Odubayo Thompson
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Pedro O. Thompson (aka, KARIMO), you can call him POT.

Pedro is a Prolific Certified Translator. He translates from English to Spanish and English to English. He is an Image/Book Copy Editor/a Writer & Blogger, coupled with a good background in business settings/publishing, and  a keen interest in public affairs.

 

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4 Skills to Help Kids (and Parents) Resolve Conflict during the Holidays & Beyond

By Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen

Photo: Slumberkins

The holidays can be a great time to practice conflict resolution skills. More people + more perspectives = more conflict. Whether it’s with partners, family members, or children, some of the same skills can work for us all. Try using the four C’s of Conflict Resolution: Calm, Curiosity, Collaboration and Connection when conflict emerges.

1. Calm: Try using positive self-talk or taking deep breaths to calm yourself when conflict emerges. Maybe say to yourself, “I can handle this conflict, I’ve got this.” We are much better able to navigate conflict when we have our body calm and regulated. This also helps those around us regulate too since emotions can be contagious.

2. Curiosity: Use curiosity to explore what the other person is trying to communicate. You don’t have to agree with them, but try reflecting back to them what you hear them say. “I see, you are thinking that pumpkin pie would be better than pecan this year.” This helps the other person feel heard and understood and helps you move into a place of understanding, from which you can problem solve.

3. Collaboration: Explore the possibilities of problem-solving the conflict. Take the time to express your own perspective and see if you can encourage the other person to engage with you in coming up with creative solutions. Even children can learn to do this. Is there a solution that could lead to everyone being happy? If not, what would be another creative option.

4. Connection: Whether you came up with a mutual solution, or ended with an “agree to disagree” scenario, we can almost always find a way to connect and repair with the ones we love. Letting a child know, “it’s okay to be sad about my decision” or letting a relative know, “I hear how disappointing it is to change plans this year. I feel sad about it too. I cannot wait to see you again next year.” can remind us that conflict is a natural part of relationships and we can get through these moments with love and connection.

There are many resources and tools available these days to support young children in learning these conflict resolution skills early on. Slumberkins Conflict Resolution Collection with Hammerhead Shark offers more tools and support for moving through these moments together.

 

Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Kelly Oriard and Callie Christensen are co-founders of Slumberkins, a children's brand supporting social-emotional learning for children. Kelly has a dual master's degree in family therapy and school counseling, and Callie has a master's degree in teaching. Both are passionate about teaching children social-emotional skills to thrive in our modern world. 

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How This Summer-Loving Mom Is Going to Embrace Winter

By Rebecca Murphy

I am an ‘All Things Summer’ kinda gal. I love the beach, endless sunshine, and all sorts of summer shenanigans. For me, there’s nothing a pair of flip flops and a salt-rimmed margarita can’t solve. 

So, when those summer mornings start to get chilly and the sun starts setting earlier, I start to mourn the end of my favorite season. My heart is always very heavy on August 32nd. I have a hard time enjoying autumn’s beauty because all I see is an impending Polar Vortex looming around the corner. WINTER IS COMING!!! I’m fairly confident this will be the winter Jon Snow was warning us about!

A dear friend of mine, one with ‘All Things Winter’ as part of her genetic makeup, sent me a podcast discussing the hygee lifest‌yle. If you haven’t heard of this, hygge is a Danish word that doesn’t have an exact translation into the English language but is more of a feeling of coziness and togetherness. It’s probably better described as a feeling of gratitude, appreciation, and enjoyment of the moments. And here’s where I experienced my AH-HA moment! As a parent coach, it is my job to guide my clients to have a more positive outlook. I help families on a journey to transformational change one small step at a time. Are you seeing the irony here?? My focus has been all wrong and I have been sabotaging myself—okay, winter doesn’t have to be my favorite season, but by all means, I can certainly embrace it and find the good it has to offer. It’s time to take on my personal “Project: Embracing Winter!”

The thing about change is, well, it’s just hard. We’ve all experienced breaking old habits and creating new ones, and it’s downright tough! In order for the change to happen, there has to be a level of awareness, an intentional goal, and motivation to get the ball rolling. And, while we want the change to happen instantly, it’s important to understand that change is more likely to stick with practice, consistency, and a positive outlook. I decided it’s time to take my own advice and learn to change my perspective on winter. 

When I envision how I’d like the next few months to look, all I see is hygge. Allowing myself to slow down and savor the moments—especially the cozy ones! Rather than sulk on the numerous dreary winter days New Jersey seems to offer, I’d like to celebrate the bright, crisp days we do encounter. I’d like to look forward to feeling comfortable while spending time outside in the cold. Ideally, I’d like my family to try new activities outside together…without feeling miserable…and with minimal complaining! In a nutshell, I want to feel like I’m living it up through winter rather than just getting through it. 

After some soul searching, Pinterest surfing, and lots of getting myself mentally psyched, I’m ready to take on “Project: Embracing Winter.” 

1. Reframe is the name of the game! If I’m constantly expecting the worst, the worst is what I will find. Reframing negative thoughts will help me shift my perspective to focus on the good, what’s currently working and the small moments I’m appreciating. BOOM! Automatic gratification! 

2. Inventory the outwear. Time to assess all our winter pieces and order whatever we’re lacking (like super warm socks!) so we can tolerate some extended time in the cold. I’m tossing the idea of dressing to look fashionable, not sure if I ever achieved that anyway! I’m confident we’ll all enjoy the elements more if we are dressed appropriately. There’s no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing, am I right? 

3. ‘Creating cozy’ inside and outside my home. According to Pinterest, you can reinvent any space by adding some blankets (I’m thinking of the heated sort!), pillows, candles, and strands of lights! And, by the way, I’m fairly confident nobody will be in my house for the next few months, so I’m in no rush to take down pretty Christmas lights! 

4. Let’s make a date! My kids always make a summer bucket list, so why not a winter bucket list? We can put an activity on the calendar each week that will include something everyone enjoys (that’s my ‘reduce the complaining’ plan!!). An ideal outing for us could be bundling up, enjoying an easy hike, and sharing some hot cocoa with marshmallows upon our destination. 

5. Let’s get cooking! Finding new recipes that are hearty and comforting that can be enjoyed outside may be a big win this season. Maybe even getting the whole family involved with making dinners like fondue or sushi could be a lot of fun. For outside entertaining, how great would it be to make a s’mores charcuterie board and a hot cocoa station for outside guests!? Yes, please!!

6. Enjoy old favorites in a new way. There are so many activities we enjoy during the summer that could be new winter fun with a twist. I plan to check out some outdoor locations we normally visit during the warmer months like the beach, boardwalk, maybe even an arboretum. With evenings happening earlier in the winter, occasional sunset walks before dinner could be enjoyable. If it’s mild enough, an outdoor movie night would be a great way to spend an evening with family or friends. 

When challenged to make a change, you can resist it and fight every step of the way, or you can embrace the change and make the most of it. While I may not have control over this situation, I do have control over my attitude, perception, and actions (says my inner control freak). It’s certainly not easy to keep your focus on finding the good, but I’m flipping my perspective and taking small steps to make the most of this winter! And, if those tips don’t make me a convert, at least they will help occupy my time as I countdown the days to the first day of summer.

 

Hi! I'm Rebecca from Real Life Parent Coaching. I use my background as an educator to help parents discover & cultivate their strengths and reach their parenting potential. I live in New Jersey with my husband and two kids. I enjoy exploring, being creative & having fun with my crew!

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7 Quick Tips to Help You Shift to a Positive Perspective

By Rebecca Murphy

Photo: Rebecca Murphy

Walking among the hundreds of pebbles and shells on the beach, my son picked one up and shouted, “Look, Mom!! This one’s a heart! It really has been a perfect day!”

Was it really a perfect day? Not so much. Our morning was filled with battles over excessive screen time and endless requests to complete household chores. Not to mention, we got a very late start to our family outing, and we were down one family member because he couldn’t get off from work. So in reality, it was not perfect, but my son chose to see it that way.

We live in a society that spoon feeds us negativity. And despite being bombarded with negativity, we can choose how we perceive the world. We can focus on the obvious or we can shift our perspective to see the good and all the possibilities out there. We can celebrate the ‘what’s working now’ and recognize all the great qualities we bring to the party.

Studies have shown that positivity and hope have an increased effect on health, creativity, performance, and the ability to overcome obstacles. When you focus on the good, you allow more good to enter your life! Better yet, when you focus on the good, you are modeling a positive attitude for your children who will naturally follow your example! Don’t you think it’s worth the effort?

Challenge yourself!!  Train your brain to see past the negativity out there and find the good. Here are seven quick tips to help shift your focus.

1. Practice Reframing. Flip those negative thoughts so they have a positive spin. Rather than think of what you have to do, think about what you get to do.

2. Start a Gratitude Journal. Jot down the people, the moments or thoughts that brought you joy during the day. Write about something you’re looking forward to or perhaps something that made you smile. If journaling is not your thing, there are some excellent Gratitude Apps out there you may like.

3. Say ‘Thank You’. Recognize the special people you mentioned in your gratitude journal with a handwritten thank you note! The appreciation you display in your note will feel good for you and the recipient.

4. Volunteer. Widen your lens and see the world from a different perspective.  When you find a need in your community, fill it.  It is such a ‘positivity’ boost to be helpful and productive for others.

5. Reassess Your Fuel Source. If you’re fueled by social media, news, and adrenaline, it’s time to re-anchor yourself. Consider a healthier self-care regimen that includes moving your body every day, staying hydrated, pausing to regroup your thoughts, and saying ‘no’ to activities that don’t serve you a purpose.

6. Allow Yourself Some Grace. Life is not a ‘measure up’ experience. Set goals, not expectations. It’s okay to be where you are right now. Celebrate your strengths!

7. Smile. If only for yourself, a quick smile instantly boosts your mood and can shift your perspective. Plus, who doesn’t look good sporting a smile?!

When my son held up his treasure on the beach, at first glance, it was just a rock. A small little pebble amongst hundreds of others on the beach. But with a simple shift in perspective, it became a heart. This small, simple shift in perception can make all the difference in how you live your life and approach situations. We often miss these beautiful symbols in life because we are not looking out for them. Imagine the possibilities and potential we could bring to light just by keeping our eyes and hearts focused on the positivity surrounding us.

 

This post originally appeared on Real Life Parent Coaching Blog.

Hi! I'm Rebecca from Real Life Parent Coaching. I use my background as an educator to help parents discover & cultivate their strengths and reach their parenting potential. I live in New Jersey with my husband and two kids. I enjoy exploring, being creative & having fun with my crew!

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This Is How Much Americans Plan to Spend on Christmas This Year

by Karly Wood

In partnership with The Harris Poll, Roku, Inc. has announced findings from its 2020 Holiday Consumer Shopping study. Giving new perspective into ever changing shopping habits, the 2,000 person survey gives fresh insight into shopping priorities and habits amidst the pandemic.

Many Americans have differing opinions about the future of the economy, however, the survey found that seven out of 10 consumers planned to spend the same or more on gifts this year. On average, they expected to spend about $885 when it comes to holiday-related purchases.

photo: Freestocks via Unsplash

Due to so many travel restrictions and social distancing guidelines, approximately 31 percent of those surveyed shared that they were planning to buy more gifts this year because they won’t be able to see as many family and friends. That same number of people reported they planned on purchasing a gift to help someone else or themselves to work from home.

Due to COVID-19 respondents also expect to do 65% percent of their shopping online as opposed to in store. Curious about what else the survey found? You can view the full report online on the Roku website.

––Karly Wood

 

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5 Ways to Help Kids Build Cognitive Empathy

By Meghan Fitzgerald

Photo: Tinkergarten

If you spend time around babies and toddlers, you can see cognitive empathy growing as their brains develop. 

Sometimes called “perspective taking,” cognitive empathy (one of three types of empathy) is the ability to imagine how another person is thinking in a given situation.

Our capacity for cognitive empathy evolves: A 1-year-old may soothe a friend by handing her his own favorite toy. Once he is over 2, he may opt to go and get a sad friend the toy that she likes best, more able to note and respond to her emotions based on his knowledge of what would best soothe her. 

Eventually, this capacity enables us to communicate effectively with and support the needs of other people.

Here are 5 easy ways to help even our wee ones start to develop the skill.

1. Support pretend play. Pretend play is the way that children learn to take different perspectives. When a child makes believe that he is a mama bird, a monster, or a firefighter, he starts to explore what it must be like to be that other person or creature. Even though pretend play starts quite simple, early experiences with pretending form strong roots of perspective-taking that grow into more sophisticated cognitive empathy.

We do NOT need to be our child’s constant playmate in order to help them get more pretend play. Instead, there are a few, simple things we can do: give kids time to pretend; set up your home environment to inspire pretending; and give kids invitations to pretend.  

Give them time: Giving time requires a few agreements. First, you need to slow down and stay in one place long enough for kids to play (per research, that is 30 minutes or more). Second, kids need plenty of time to play to “catch fire,” and we have to allow their visible engagement level to rise and fall as they play. If they look “disinterested” that’s OK—lulls are part of play, and the less we intervene, the more likely they’ll learn to start, drive and revive their own play.

Set up your home environment: When we say environment, we mean both the objects (toys, clothes, loose parts), the space you designate for play, and how you arrange the objects in your house or yard. If you can get outside, take advantage of nature’s inspiring places to run, hide, climb, and an endless array of compelling objects. Indoors, use items to spark pretend play. An old bedsheet can become a cape, a cave, or a boat. A bucket can become a hat, a vessel for stew, or a steel drum. 

Give them an invitation: Sometimes just the prompt to “go play” is invitation enough. We can also invite children into their own play by doing the following types of things, then stepping back and letting them run with it:

  • Asking “I wonder” questions, like “I wonder what you could make in an outdoor kitchen?” or “I wonder what we could use to color this white sheet?”
  • Tell stories.
  • “Let’s pretend:” When you do have time, ask kids to pretend to be an animal that you see every day or a creature that they absolutely love.

2. Rewrite the golden rule. Doing unto others as you would have done unto you sounds virtuous, but it’s not empathetic at all. This new rule has given us a great starting point from which to engage in conversations that our kids can lead while we scaffold them with the chance to stop, reflect on the other person, and try to take their perspective.

3. Make animal allies. Education expert and inspiring advocate for outdoor learning David Sobel, reminds us, “Cultivating relationships with animals, both real and imagined, is one of the best ways to foster empathy during early childhood.” Because early childhood is a time in which children do not fully differentiate self from other, reality from fantasy, it makes them particularly able to identify with animals. So pretending to be animals not only supports perspective taking, it turns animals into allies, connecting children to other species in profound and lasting ways.

4. Show kids how you think about what other people are thinking. Show consistent curiosity about how others think.

  • As you are reading stories, ask questions like, “Why do you think she is doing that?” “What do you think he is hoping?” and “What was he thinking?!” Do this for characters who could fall in both good guy and bad guy buckets, making sure to present both in 3-D.
  • Be certain to do this for real people too, both children and adults. When you can, leave open the possibility that even someone who is frustrating may have reasons for acting in ways and also has wonderful qualities, valid feelings, etc.
  • Little kids are still learning. When a child does something that is not ideal socially, talk with our kids about how they are learning, like all of us. If you can, include something that you admire about that child, too.

5. Work hard to understand bias. We all carry bias into the interactions we have with others. If we truly want to nail cognitive empathy, we need to start by reflecting on how our own experiences and identity impact how we think and act. Where do we have hidden bias?

From this place of curiosity and self-reflection, we can start to work hard to better understand how experiences and identity impact those around us and inform their thoughts, motivations, and actions. This is life’s work.

Our world is not an equitable place, and aspects of identity including race, ethnicity, socioeconomics, nationality, and gender drastically impact the way we each experience, think and act in the world. The more we each can learn about this and start to better identify the biases that block us from understanding where others are coming from, the better we’ll be able to model true cognitive empathy for our kids. And, the better able we’ll be to take real action to address inequities that erode our communities.

This post originally appeared on Tinkergarten.

After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning. 

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Live NYC Cams for Touring the City from Your Couch

by Mimi O'Connor

You’ve probably seen all the museums around the world you can visit right from your living room, but have you checked out all of the webcams in NYC that will help you take a virtual tour of the city? Via live streaming, you can check in on famous tourist spots like Times Square, familiar landmarks (Statue of Liberty) and take in literal bird’s eye views of the city. The main resource for live webcam views worldwide is Earthcam.com; and in some cases, you can use the site’s interface to move the camera, zoom in, or hear what’s happening by unmuting a mic. (Find those options in the lower left hand corner of the window.) Gather round and soak up what is currently an admittedly quieter NYC with the kids via these live NYC cams.

Times Square

Earthcam.com

You can take your pick of views of the Crossroads of the World: Broadway, Duffy Square, the Pedestrian Plaza, etc. Of course, this is Times Square as you've likely never seen it—without a lot of people. Still, when we dropped in virtually we spotted one of NYC's beloved characters: The Naked Cowboy himself, strolling with his guitar and cheering on fellow New Yorkers from a safe distance. Yee-haw! (And yes, come back here on New Year's Eve to catch all the action in the comfort of your own home!)

Online: earthcam.com

Brooklyn Bridge

Earthcam.com

Check out a nice view of the Brooklyn Bridge as well as the Manhattan Bridge and the East River from an elevated downtown Manhattan perspective. There's also this one, from the viewpoint of Brooklyn, with Brooklyn Bridge Park in the foreground and the bridges to the right. (Here's one at the entrance to the bridge on the Brooklyn side.) 

Online: earthcam.com

Columbus Circle

Maria Eklind via Flickr

Check out the roundabout and what's happening at the southern tip of Central Park. 

Online: earthcam.com

Fifth Avenue

Earthcam.com

Fifth Avenue looks peaceful and patriotic these days—American flags flap in the wind, kind of reminding us of this 100-year-old painting, which you can go see at the New-York Historical Society one day. There's a nice view of St. Patrick's Cathedral as well. 

Online: earthcam.com

NYC Skyline From a Rooftop Bar

Giulia S. via Yelp

Here's the NYC skyline from the Flatiron District, with a nice shot of the Empire State Building. It's hosted by rooftop bar 230 Fifth, and yes, they have some igloo domes up there. 

Online: skylinewebcams.com

NYC Skyline, Downtown

Earthcam.com

Another great spot to see the NYC skyline is from Jersey! This webcam is perched atop the Hyatt Regency Jersey City on the Hudson. Especially impressive at night! 

Online: earthcam.com

New York Harbor

Jason via Flickr

See—and hear!—New York Harbor from roughly Lady Liberty's perspective. (Wind! Birds...we think!) 

Online: earthcam.com

Statue of Liberty

Sue Waters via Flickr

You can visit the Statue of Liberty a couple of ways. 

Get a nice view straight-on here.

Or check out the "Torch Cam" here! (Who knew?)

 

The High Line

Tomislav Medak

The Highline is closed, but you can see it from above. We expect it to get much greener in the near future! (We love this kids' book about an urban garden very much like The High Line!)

Online: earthcam.com

Coney Island Boardwalk

Rufus via Flickr

Another place that's usually pretty packed, here's the beach at Coney Island and the boardwalk. There's a nice view of the ocean as well. Consider it a moment of Zen.

Online: webcamtaxi.com

—Mimi O’Connor

RELATED STORIES:

We Got You: Online Activities & Classes for Indoor Fun

100+ Indoor Things to Do with Kids

Reach Out: NYC’s Top Parenting & Support Groups

 

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