ML Interest Tag: perspective

36 Ways Your Kids Transform Your Mom Heart

By Shelby Spear

Photo: Pixabay

If we think we know a thing or two about life and love going into parenting, we realize the moment our child first rests in our arms just how shallow our roots of understanding. Which makes sense because the greatest path to knowing self is by coming to know who we are as a part of someone else.

And as a mom, fusing ourselves to the heartbeat of our kiddos is indescribable. While we learn a whole lot of good about the true meaning of love, our children also have an uncanny ability to point out massive flaws in our character. Thank God. Really, God, thank you.

Our kin become a perpetual mirror for us to gaze upon as they reflect back what we like about our self along with what needs some finishing touches. Since I’ve somehow managed to log 23 years of parenting three kids in like 20 seconds of real time, the length of journey allows me to ponder all the lessons learned. And let me tell you, the instruction is kinda sorta picking up steam as I steward young adults in their 20s. Fair warning.

So here are 36 beautiful lessons—based in part from Robert Fulghum’s poem, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten—we can glean from our precious ones, split into Act 1(birth to 12) and Act 2 (13+) of child rearing. Act 1: All the Insight Needed to Become Selfless Your Young Kids Will Teach You

  1. Cherish everything.
  2. Fight fair.
  3. Don’t compare yourself to others.
  4. Put everything into perspective.
  5. Worry about your own mess.
  6. Don’t expect others to see things the way you do.
  7. Say I love you. Always.
  8. Count to ten before anything.
  9. Pray.
  10. Trials and struggles enlighten you.
  11. Live a grateful life.
  12. Trust more, think less.
  13. And love and hug and listen and laugh.
  14. Speak, but also be.
  15. Make some time for you every day.
  16. When you feel like you’re alone on an island, know a million other parents share the same shore.
  17. Communicate, then succeed and fail together.
  18. Become a child once again.

Act 2: All the Insight Needed for Authentic Freedom Your Teens Will Teach You

  1. Let go of almost everything.
  2. Give up the fight.
  3. Don’t take things personally.
  4. Change your perspective.
  5. Stop worrying.
  6. Try to see things as others do.
  7. Love. Everything. Always.
  8. Count your blessings daily.
  9. Pray. Pray. Pray.
  10. Let yourself unfold.
  11. Live simply and simply live.
  12. Be more open-minded.
  13. And observe and breathe and be and become.
  14. Project less.
  15. Love yourself each day.
  16. When you feel like you’ve done nothing right, pause and turn to God for His opinion.
  17. Communicate by listening first, speaking if necessary, extending Grace always.
  18. Embrace the dichotomy of life.

Witnessing the chaos, magnificence, unpredictability, grand metamorphoses of all things ‘growing up’ reminds us how much we need to unlearn as adults to become like little children once again.

The joys of motherhood speak for themselves, but it’s in the messy pile where we find our authentic self.

The gift of motherhood full of collateral beauty we never signed up for and receive anyway: freedom to unfold and become the best version of ourselves right alongside our kids.

What a blessing.

A self-described “sappy soul whisperer/sarcasm aficionado,” Shelby is a wife of 27 years & mom of three millennials. She co-authored How Are You Feeling, Momma? (You don't need to say, "I'm fine.") Her stories are in print at Guideposts, online at sites like Her View From Home and Parenting Teens & Tweens, and at shelbyspear.com. Get 3 FREE chapters of Shelby's book

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The Complicated, Sometimes Messy, Struggle to Be Grateful

By Maureen McGinnis

Photo: Maureen McGinnis

With Thanksgiving around the corner, it seems like the perfect time to reflect on how to raise grateful children. Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of articles like “10 Ways to Raise a Child with Gratitude” and “5 Strategies for Instilling Kindness.” As I reflect on how I can intentionally parent my children so as to cultivate these virtues, I am faced with an inescapable truth. No strategy, no number of techniques will have much effect if I do not live out those virtues myself. I find this particularly challenging when it comes to gratitude. I try to be grateful. I say “please” and “thank you.” As part of our bedtime routine, we each list one thing from the day for which we’re grateful. I regularly volunteer and try to do for others both inside and outside of my social circle. Despite all that, if I’m being honest, most of my waking hours are filled with feelings of expectation, more than appreciation.

I recently listened to a podcast where psychotherapist, Esther Perel, described this feeling of expectation as a happiness mandate. She argues that for most of human history, suffering was omnipresent. Most people looked forward to happiness in some afterlife, but they did not expect it here on Earth. In contrast, those of us in developed countries today, have grown accustomed to comfort. We not only hope for happiness but demand it. If we’re hot, we turn on the A/C. If we need clean clothes, we put them in a machine and in an hour, we’ve got them. Personally, I don’t know anyone who feels gratitude when they change the thermostat setting or are folding laundry. We are privileged and with that comes entitlement. We feel entitled to happiness. And this entitlement creates a happiness paradox. We’ve become so focused on being happy that we’re constantly searching for what will make us even happier and, therefore, we are frequently unhappy.

I know I am guilty of this incessant and oftentimes subconscious compulsion to find the best, the thing that will make me happiest. It impacts everything from the ridiculous amount of stress I feel planning dinners and making grocery lists to big, existential questions like, “what am I doing with my life?”

Another case in point: I wake up and walk into the kitchen to find my husband feeding our son. I immediately find myself upset at the mess in the kitchen and that my son isn’t eating the right thing. Instead of being happy when my husband does something helpful, I am frustrated that it wasn’t done when or how I wanted. Now, I am not saying all household/child-rearing duties are my responsibility and that I should be overjoyed when my husband lifts a finger. What I am saying is that I think both of us would be happier if we focused more on appreciating each other’s efforts as opposed to looking for ways in which our partner could be better. In the breakfast example, my reaction certainly didn’t make me feel happy. Conversely, I started my day in a bad mood and felt guilty for how I treated my husband when he was trying to do something nice for me.

The truth is, I chastise my child for being upset when he doesn’t get what he wants and yet I model that same behavior countless times every day. I don’t think these feelings make me a terrible person. I think they’re natural. Gratitude, on the other hand, is intentional. It takes practice and focus. It takes a shift in perspective. I’m never going to cease having expectations; nor should I. However, I can be more mindful of when and why I’m feeling frustrated. I can take a step back and ask, “What’s more upsetting, the situation in and of itself or the fact that it fell short of my expectations?” And, I can try to use those moments as opportunities to look at the situation from a different perspective — through a lens of gratitude.

While I don’t see myself ever enjoying folding mountains of laundry, I do think it’s possible to recognize how fortunate I am that my family has so many clothes and a machine that does the hard work for us. This holiday season, I want to challenge myself to see opportunities for gratitude when I am feeling stressed or frustrated. I want to stop looking for what will make me happier and start seeing all the sources of happiness already present in my life. Because if I truly want my children to live lives of gratitude, it has to start in a home that is full of it.

 

This post originally appeared on Huff Post.

In my former life, I spent my days teaching history to emotionally-charged teenagers. Now, I spend my days teaching kindness, hygiene, and ABCs to emotionally-charged toddlers. I love to be outdoors and I cannot wait to get back to traveling once I wrap my head around flying with kids/their gear.

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The Only Indoor Game You’ll Ever Need

By Jocelyn Greene

Indoor play can be as purposeful as it is silly. While the best games are obviously screen-free, they are also mess-free—who needs more stuff to clean up? Ideally, there is a clear structure that parents set up that kids can then ultimately master and take over.

The game, “Hands Through,” not only checks all those boxes, it is incredibly joyful to play.

Watch an expert weigh-in from Small Brooklyn Psychology to learn how (and why) to play “Hands Through” —the only indoor play game you’ll ever need.

Here’s How to Set-up the Game:

1. Player One sits in a chair, with their arms out in front of them.  They are the “Hands”.
2. Player Two sits in front of Player One and clasps their own hands behind their back. They are the “Talker”.
3. “Hands” threads their arms through the space between “Talker’s” ribs and arms.
4. Then, “Hands” hides their head under a cloth, coat or oversized sweater.

The Crux of the Game:

Once the players are in position, the game starts. Encourage the “Hands” to really gesture.  It is essential that they are really active and creative, finding lots of ways to connect with the object, gesture, and engage with the “Talker.”

I find it helpful if there is a third person as an interviewer. Depending on the age of your players, this interviewer can be an adult or a kid who is able to keep the momentum of the game going by asking great leading questions.

Once you model the st‌yle of an interview, kids (ages 5 and up) are more than able to step into this role as well. Here are some ways to scaffold “Hands Through” so that it has a little narrative flow. In these variations, the “Talker” can be…

  • An expert in something and the interviewer asks them all about it.
  • Selling something, infomercial-st‌yle.
  • Speaking in character based on a person from a book they love.

Tips on Play:

As part of scaffolding the play, set a clear signal for the players to either switch or trade out with other kids. For example, asking how much their object costs, asking the viewers —if there is an audience—if they would like to buys said object, or simply setting a timer and having it go off to signal the end of the turn.

Above all, make sure that you are silly and go with your instincts as an adult player. Watch this for more ideas on how to use improv to enhance playing with your kids during indoor play.

Tools you Need

  • Chair
  • Cloth to hide the person in back—this can be a big scarf, sweater or coat
  • Any kind of prop for the “Hands” to hold onto to.
  • pretend microphone to direct the speaker (I use an iPhone or a pen!)

Why is this game so worthwhile? Not only is it collaborative, but this game also makes your kid a better listener. The players have to be incredibly connected and listening to each other, although not in the traditional sense. The person playing the “Hands” is communicating, but not through words. Rather, their gestures and actions have to be “listened” to and processed by the “Talker” in front. They are a complicit team: essentially, two people become one.

Accurately reading non-verbal communication is an important skill for any child to learn. Gestures and body movements are as much a language as words. This game offers the practice of interpreting these kinds of gestures, all through play. The joy of this game also comes from working hard to synch up the gestures the “Hands” make in the back with the story of the “Talker” in the front.  The “Talker” has to justify the moves that the “Hands” come up with. The only way this successfully works is if there is true attention—listening—paid to the body language.

Here are some examples I have seen in Child’s Play NY classes, where kids work together, listening to gesture.

The Hands…

  • start tapping the side of head the Talker in front, and the “Talker” starts to discuss how smart or how much she knows.
  • aggressively point to onlookers and the “Talker” decides to reprimand someone.
  • use their fingers to count, and the “Talker” has to say the number the Hands come up with.
  • begin to comb hair, pat face, squeeze cheeks and the “Talker” has to discuss and justify each of these actions.

Impulse Control: Although the person in the back guides a lot of the playing through their gesture, they are essentially hidden from the audience (except for their hands) and must remain silent. Additionally, the person in front may want to gesticulate as well, but they have to restrain themselves as their hands are behind their back and the illusion is destroyed if their hands emerge. Through this game, kids get to practice impulse control by way of play.

Perspective Taking: Another social-emotional benefit of this game is that kids get to practice perspective-taking. As the two players literally merge into one, they have to take on the other player’s perspective in order to create a unified person and story.

 

This post originally appeared on Child’s Play In Action.

Jocelyn Greene is a Brooklyn based educator, director and mom.  With her company, Child's Play NY, she teaches hundreds of kids a year and is equally joyous adapting fairytales for 4s as she is staging Shakespaere with the teens. Check out http://www.childsplayinaction.com/ for video tutorials on game-based play to do at home! 

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These Students Came Up With a Genius Solution to Speeding Drivers

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Sometimes it takes a kid’s perspective to solve a grown-up problem. That was exactly the case for a group of students who came up with the perfect solution to stop drivers from speeding.

Fourth-grade students Isa and Eric of Brooks Elementary School in Medford, Massachusetts came up with a brilliant plan to get drivers to slow down in their neighborhood. Based on an idea they had seen put into action in Europe and China, the pair came up with the concept of creating 3D crosswalks after Eric’s brother was almost hit by a speeding driver. “We were thinking of a way we could do something to help make the street safer,” Isa told WBZ-TV .

Working together with the Center for Citizenship and Social Responsibility it took a year for their idea to come to fruition. A local artist took on the task of painting the illusion on the street that makes it appear as if the crosswalk is three-dimensional. The city plans to add more 3D crosswalks in school zones.

“I think it’s great. It certainly would make me stop,” said Michael Coates, a teacher, and advisor at the center. “It’s a great example of them sticking to an idea and going through all the steps and talking, in this case, to all the adults and all the powers that be.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Anwaar Ali via Unsplash

 

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Joanna Gaines Spills the Tea on Having Baby Crew at 40 & How Much She’s Changed

by Erica Loop

What was having a baby at 40 like for Joanna Gaines? The celeb designer, children’s book author and mama recently talked to People about life with baby as of late, her brand new little love (nine-month-old baby Crew) and how her latest pregnancy changed her—for the better.

As if authoring a new children’s book, creating several home goods lines and running a lifestyle brand isn’t exhausting enough, Gaines has also made time to raise not one, not two, but five kiddos!

Even though having five kiddos sounds exhausting to many moms, having her fifth baby may have had the opposite effect on Gaines. She told People, “If you ever want to feel young again, have a baby at 40,” adding, “It’s brought this whole new thing for me where I’m a lot more laid-back. People joke that I’m the ‘Fun Jo’ now.”

Not only has baby Crew added a spring to Gaines’ step, but he’s also given her a new perspective on life: “I realized there has to be spontaneity, and schedules kind of go out the door.” Gaines also admits that she’s a-okay if she doesn’t get to everything, telling People, “I’ve just relaxed so much more, and it’s been fun for me.”

If you’re wondering whether Crew’s positive influence has made his mama want to expand her brood beyond five, Gaines didn’t rule out the possibility. “I thought I was done,” she said,  “and then we had Crew.” For now, the mom of five definitely has her hands—and heart—full.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Chip Gaines via Instagram 

 

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Whitney Port: What Recovering After Childbirth Was REALLY Like

By Whitney Port

photo: Whitney Port

To say that childbirth changes your life may very well be the understatement of the century, if not history. Moms, you know what I’m talking about. There’s literally nothing on earth and no person in existence that can prepare you for the mental, emotional and physical changes that take place after giving birth. Even now, well over a year after having my baby, I can’t say that I’ve “recovered” because honestly, it just doesn’t feel like the right word. My journey hasn’t been about salvaging or returning to a previous life. It’s been about re-emerging as a new me: myself, as a mother.

The Delivery

For all intents and purposes, I consider myself a planner—not an obsessive one, but a planner nonetheless. I love to-do lists. I used to carry a day planner everywhere I went. I’m the type of person who likes to be prepared for things and to know what I’m getting myself into. But on the precipice of such a momentous event—materializing a HUMAN BEING out of my body—I knew that I needed to go in with a certain level of trust and flexibility. For this reason, I consciously decided not to have a birth plan.

“My doctor. My husband. And my family. I placed my wellbeing in their hands and willfully released control.”

I had spoken to so many mothers who had planned every detail and when things didn’t go as expected, they felt a great sense of fear or failure. I couldn’t stomach setting myself up for that kind of disappointment. Plus, the I-know-more-than-my-OB-GYN attitude was really unappealing to me, so I skipped the books and opinions and decided to trust the people I had chosen to take care of me. My doctor. My husband. And my family. I placed my wellbeing in their hands and willfully released control.

Hours into labor, I was given the choice to either keep pushing or have an episiotomy. With my newfound go-with-the-flow approach, I told my doctor to snip away because I was beyond ready to have that baby. Just to clarify: that was me agreeing to have someone cut part of my “vagina” to get this kid out. That’s no small commitment. But low and behold, with a scissor and one more push, our Sonny was born.

First Steps

Cut to coming home from the hospital. Here I am, a new mom and so profoundly unprepared for how that would feel. This precious newborn relied on me for everything—for survival, literally—and the weight of that responsibility felt impossible to carry. Looking back, I’m not sure if I was struggling from postpartum depression or some other form of the baby blues, but it took a long time to escape the post-pregnancy blur. I remember feeling more overwhelmed than I’d ever felt in my life—like a truck had hit me. I barely ventured outside for three full months after my pregnancy and even then, it was only once a week for a baby class. The act of being out and about with this fragile little baby was petrifying, so I shut out the real world and stayed in the safety bubble of my home. Right or wrong, good or bad, it was what I needed to protect myself at that time.

I remember scrolling through Instagram, comparing myself to other moms who just *poof* went back to their regular lives in a matter of weeks. In hindsight, I wish I’d taken a break from social media altogether and not compared my journey to those of other women. Maybe that would have helped me feel less insecure or ashamed—worrying that me and motherhood weren’t a natural fit. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve come to terms with the idea that every woman becomes a mom in her own way and in her own time. That said, I’m still searching for a mantra that will control my instinct to compare myself to others, so if any of you out there have one, I’d love to hear it.

My Body

When I was pregnant, I couldn’t really exercise due to insane nausea and the exhaustion that came with it. I also ate whatever I wanted because if food could bring me any level of comfort or relief, I was all in—and probably going back for seconds. As a result, I gained more weight than I would have liked and admittedly, I felt very body-conscious throughout my pregnancy. After having Sonny though, my perspective grew up. Getting my body back became less about losing weight and more about being healthy and feeling confident. I eat healthier now, I finally have the energy to work out and overall, I’m just more forgiving of myself. I have new wrinkles and marks on my body. Cool. After what felt like the fight of my life with breastfeeding, my boobs are a weird shape now and my nipples aren’t as cute. Not as cool, but fine. My stomach has extra skin that will probably never go away. Hey Whit, you grew a person in there!

“Self-acceptance was the one the hardest things for me to learn after my pregnancy and also the most freeing.”

Self-acceptance was the one the hardest things for me to learn after my pregnancy and also the most freeing. At points, I wondered if I would struggle with motherhood forever, but like so many new moms reassured me: everything is just a phase. Today, I can say that I’ve finally settled into who I’ve become. My mind doesn’t think the same way anymore. My heart doesn’t feel the same way anymore. My body doesn’t look the same way anymore—and so be it to all.

Looking Back

Had I known what things would be like after having a baby, maybe I would have made a bigger place in my life for an objective, supportive voice—someone experienced and empathetic to talk to and help get me through those dark first months of infancy. Maybe I would have trusted myself more, leaned on my mom and sisters more or sought validation in a more proactive way. There’s no way of knowing for sure, but what I do know is that time creates perspective and that being gentle with yourself is one of the most important things a new mom can do.

After all, recovering from childbirth isn’t just healing from a major physical trauma. It’s going through complete and total chaos and then coming out the other side with an entirely new sense of self. Becoming a mom is an experience beyond anything I could have imagined—it’s beautiful, terrifying, badass, confusing, exhilarating, outrageous, hilarious, heart wrenching and ridiculously adorable all at once. And if you ask me, that’s something well worth getting a snip in the hoo-ha for.

Wife. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Cuzzie. Friend. Designer. Boss. CEO. Snack Mom. Baker. Skin Obsessed. Babysitter. Pasta Hater.  Manicure Maniac.  Leather Jacket Hoarder. World Traveler. Nester.

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How Being the Mom Who Worries Can Affect Your Kids

By Dr. Lara Fielding

It is natural for parents to worry. They often find themselves wondering, “Is my daughter ever going to find a job?” or “How much longer is my son going to live at home?”

While we’ve long been hearing about the difficulties suffered by the Millennial generation, Gen Z-ers are now struggling even more than their historically fragile Gen Y counterparts—this, according to the 2018 Stress in America poll (released annually since 2007) from the American Psychological Association (APA).

During what should be a happy go lucky developmental period, 27 percent of 15 to 21-year-olds report only “fair” to “poor” mental health. Mass shootings (75 percent) and rising suicide rates (62 percent) top the significant stressors contributing to the fragile mental health of our young people.

But how might parental worries and related actions, impact how well emerging adults transcend the difficulties of mastering adulthood?

The Paradox of Loving (& Worrying) Too Much

Of course you want the best for your emerging adult child as he or she embarks upon the world of grown up roles and responsibilities. You want them to be happy! But might this simple and natural desire be somehow contributing to the difficulties their experiencing?

Could there be a paradox in our best intentions to help our almost adult children find happiness? In my experience as a clinical psychologist, specializing in Gen Ys and Zs, I’ve seen three classic errors, where parents’ best intentions create barriers to their child’s ultimate emotional development.

1. Not Allowing Space for Discomfort

Having children is like having your heart walking around, outside your body! It’s easy to become consumed with worry about all the ways they might get hurt, suffer or struggle. Our love for them compels us to do anything and everything we can to protect them from difficulties and ensure their happiness.

But here’s the deal. Our emotions, all of them, serve an essential function in our drive and motivation, as well as our mood. Our emotions tell us what we care deeply about and thus inform us of what to pursue in life.

When we overprotect our children from the messages of their emotions, we risk blunting them from their own internal compass.

From the time our children are very young, about two years old, it is the role of the loving caretaker to teach them that emotions are okay. They can tolerate their emotions. Without this space to have and allow emotions, children cannot learn, from their own experience, that they can handle it! When parents worry too much, they often fail to allow a child to have and grow from this experience.

Next time your child is up against something that makes them sad or anxious or uncertain, give them a space to have those feelings. If you want to help, rather than solving the problem causing the emotion, help them to label the emotion word. Then offer them some simple words of compassion for how difficult adulting can be.

2. Assuming From Your Own Worldview

Every generation suffers through the gap between the beliefs of one generation and the next.  Yet somehow, each generation hears itself bemoan the proverbial “Kids these days!” complaints.

This happens largely due to the way our minds and thinking processes are hardwired. All those beliefs you hold about how things “should be” and assumptions about ‘the way things are’ are based on what you’ve experienced. Right?

Well, your almost adult child is living in a very very different time with very different rules. Just as you have difficulty understanding their worldview, they get frustrated with yours.

Trying to convince your adult children of your own beliefs and perspective is likely to push them further away, leaving you less able to be of support.

Next time you notice the panic rising up that your almost adult child is about to make a mistake. Or you worry they don’t understand. PAUSE! Ask them to help you understand better. Repeat back what you heard. Then balance this validation of their perspective with the alternative view you hold. You might explore how differently two people can experience the same facts.

The best thing you can do is model the ability to take another’s perspective, even when it is completely different from you’re your own.

3. Failing to Hold Your Child Accountable for Their Behavior

While memes and idealists everywhere will tell you that “true love should be unconditional.” Reality and the laws of nature work slightly differently. Now, before you recoil in horror, allow me to clarify.

If you are one of those parents that feels loving feelings for your child all the time, then congratulations! That is a rare and amazing thing! I commend you!  But most of the time, all that loving behavior (giving, doing, failing to set limits and punishments) is not due to an overflow of unconditional love.

Far too often, parents fail to effectively shape and teach desired behavior, due to their own fears and worries about alienation of the adult child’s affections. As kids are moving from teens to twenties, they are home less and less and we worry about pushing them further away!

But if you want to help your child to build the behaviors they need to successfully navigate the bumpy roads of adulting, consistently adorning them with loving actions is unlikely to be effective.

Behavioral habits are very simple. People do more of what feels good and less of what feels bad. To be an effective parent, you must follow through with rewards and punishments. If it causes you discomfort to do so, return to recommendation 1 and practice this type of compassionate allowing for yourself.

Lara Fielding, PsyD., Ed.M., is a psychologist who specializes in using mindfulness-based therapies to manage stress and strong emotions. Learn more in her recently released book, Mastering Adulthood: Go Beyond Adulting to Become an Emotional Grown-Up.

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When Pink Lost a Grammy Award, Her Kids Rallied in the Cutest Way Possible

by Erica Loop

It looks like Pink’s Grammy Award is pretty much the best “award” around. If you’re wondering how that’s possible (she lost to Ariana Grande), read on for the so sweet story.

Pink didn’t actually attend this year’s Grammy Awards—and for a valid reason. Her toddler son, Jameson, was sick—and sometimes even celeb mamas have to stay home with their sick kids, Even so, she still got a very special Grammy of her own, when her kids made her a completely cute trophy.

Yep, instead of Grammy gold, Pink took home an adorable kid-created trophy made out of aluminum foil. Appearing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, the musician revealed that foil awards are actually a family tradition. Each time she loses (which really isn’t that often), hubby Carey Hart and their two kiddos break out the foil and get artsy.

Along with ‘gramming a pic of daughter Willow, 7, with the newest award, Pink also tweeted, “I think it’s kind of rad that I just lost my 20th Grammy nomination. I’m always honored to be included. Now to get this sick baby in the bathtub. Congrats to all the nominees! Have fun tonight.”

We love how Pink always manages to keep it all in perspective.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Pink via Instagram 

 

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For Ayesha Curry, Her Marriage to Steph Comes Before the Kids. Here’s Why

by Shahrzad Warkentin

What’s the secret to marital happiness? For Ayesha Curry’s marriage to NBA star Stephen Curry, it means putting her husband first—before their kids.

The couple, who have a two daughters, Riley, 6, and Ryan, 3, and son Canon, 6 months, have been married for eight years. By the looks of it, theirs is a pretty happy marriage. In a recent interview with Hello Giggles, Ayesha explained the secret to their success.

“Both of our parents are still married and have been married for 30-plus years, and the one thing that they both shared with us—some through learning it the hard way, some through just making sure that they do it—is just making sure that we put each other first, even before the kids, as tough as that sounds,” she said.

Of course putting your relationship first is easier said than done, especially when you have really young kids. Ayesha explained why it’s worth the effort, however. “Putting ourselves first, and making sure that we make time for date nights and for each other. That’s been very important, as hard as it is. Because when you become a parent, you want to put your kids first, and we do, but we do it second to our relationship. Because ultimately, when our relationship is good, the kids are happy and they’re thriving and our family life is good. We have to put that into perspective and realize that it’s not us being selfish, it’s making sure we set a strong foundation.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Courtesy Coeur de La Photography

 

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