ML Interest Tag: progress

Mama, I See You

By Chrystal Venator

I see you doing it all.

I see you down on the floor helping your child get through a meltdown.

I see you exhausted in the night, as you wake up hourly to settle your child but then get up with them at 4 a.m. to start your day.

I see you longing for the diaper-free days as you continue to change your 7-year-old.

I see you feeding your child whatever they will willingly eat and be worried sick about their growth.

I see you at the pharmacy buying the stool softeners and probiotics because you’re desperate for your child to get relief.

I see you checking the emails late at night and trying to construct a response to the teacher about your child’s behaviors from the day.

I see you on the phone advocating and fighting for the supports and services that your child needs.

I see you covering the scratches on your arm because people will judge your child instead of offering to understand.

I see you worrying about your other children. I see you feeling guilty as you try to meet all the needs of every member of your family.

I see you desperate for a word, a sound….anything that will keep perpetuating hope.

I see you skipping meals because you’re so busy with appointments, cleaning and daily care that you forget to eat.

I see you trying to keep up with the dishes and laundry, homework and suppers.

I see you tired deep in your soul but still pushing forward, still showing up every single day.

I see you sitting through the therapies and appointments always doing what needs to be done for your child.

I see you praying hard for peace, comfort, progress and sleep.

I see you constantly completing paperwork for insurance wondering if it will ever end.

I see you dealing with family and friends who just don’t understand.

I see you crying silently in the shower because you’re stretched so thin trying to do it all.

I see you as the beautiful Mama that you are.

I see you showing up every day for your family.

I see your worries and fears for the future.

But most importantly:

I see your strength.

I see your dedication.

I see that you’re amazing.

I see that you’re doing a great job.

No one else can fill your shoes.

I see how much you love and how loved you are.

I see the difference that you’re making for your family.

You are everything.

You are enough.

I will always see you.

This post originally appeared on Stalen’s Way Blog.
Feature image via iStock.

I am a proud wife, ASD Mom, Step-Mom. At 21 months, my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He is 5 years old and non-verbal. I have become a full-time stay-at-home mom. I am 1000% focused on raising autism awareness and helping my son live a full and fun life. 

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New Research Suggests Babies May Have More Advanced Language Skills Than You Think

by Erica Loop

New research from the University of Edinburgh found that infants may recognize combinations of words before they can speak. The study, which was published in the journal Cognition, challenges the idea that babies learn single words first and then progress to more complex multi-word phrases.

Researchers assessed the language development of 11 and 12-month-olds to learn more about how infants build communication skills. This study specifically looked at language learning behaviors in 36 babies during a series of attention tests.

photo: Helena Lopes via Pexels

The tests used recorded adult speech to explore how the babies responded to combinations of three-word sequences. Study researchers then compared the babies’ responses, measuring how long the children looked—also known as central fixation. Using central fixation times, the researchers found that some of the babies were learning their first words while simultaneously learning combinations.

According to Dr. Barbora Skarabela, of the School of Philosophy, Psychology and Languages Sciences, “Previous research has shown that young infants recognize many common words. But this is the first study that shows that infants extract and store more than just single words from everyday speech. This suggests that when children learn language, they build on linguistic units of varying sizes, including multiword sequences, and not just single words as we often assume.”

Dr. Skarabela added, “This may explain why adults learning a second language, who tend to rely on individual words, often fall short of reaching native-like proficiency in the way they string words together into phrases and sentences.”

—Erica Loop

 

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To the Mom Alone in the Dark, I’ll Sit with You

By Jaime Ramos

It was 3 a.m. White noise screamed in my ears. Besides the small glaring red light of a baby monitor, I was engulfed in darkness. My body was so tired my bones ached. All this as I held onto a small tiny human praying for him to sleep. The five hours before I had been in and out of 20 to 45-minute chunks of sleep, on the nursery floor, in the rocking chair, or my bed, always just long enough for it to be painful to wake to the cries and I would will my body to get up again.

I’d just wonder why my six-month-old baby hated everything at night; sleep, his bed, and possibly even me. I was on the edge. The days I would recoup, but when night came the darkness crept in. We were past the newborn stage, I had read so many sleep training books and had tried it all. Breastfeeding was a struggle so I couldn’t even rely on it. I was six months into parenting and already failing. My only hope was that it wouldn’t last forever. I held onto everyone’s words “he will eventually sleep.” I was so tired.

The thing is that the sleepless nights continued, for weeks, then months, and then years. My son was diagnosed with autism. Which explained so much, but also meant the sleep issues could last forever. Although, he always would sleep just enough that it wasn’t as much of a concern to others, but then other things were getting harder. There was a lack of communication, meltdowns, harm, self-harm, and silence. I was so lost.

Happy moments were in-between the hard. Beautiful and happy moments that I treasured and still do. He found his love for water, music, and tickles. He was a sweet and amazing boy. Some days there were things I couldn’t understand; a slow progress and lack of adjustment to everything. The typical didn’t come.

I had been around children my whole life and cared for many. I would think: Why am I such a bad mother? I should be good at this. The nights continued to be a dark a lonely place. Even as my husband helped, I would sit in the next room and cry.

Home alone with my toddler, the days were lonely too. I would lose my cool and then hate myself for it. We couldn’t live the life I thought we’d live. We couldn’t go many places and when we did, all I could do was assess the differences between us and everyone else. No one really seemed to understand, which made it all the more lonely. Now that time has passed, we’re in a much better place. Sleep is not perfect but much improved, communication has grown, and most importantly I understand and know why my child is the way he is. He takes in the world differently, he thinks differently than me, but my goodness it can still be really hard. Now the progress and behaviors come in waves and many times I pray alone for calm and patience.

The greatest resource I have now is other moms in my life who travel a similar path. I began following a group led by Kate Swenson who once said “I’ll sit with you in the dark.” This immediately resonated with me. I went on to meet amazing women who had been in the dark and were willing to sit with me there. With them, I can just say we had a hard night or day and they automatically understand. These are people I probably wouldn’t know or relate to in many other ways but are now my best friends, my hope, my shoulder to cry on. I have friends who I know are a phone call away. Some whom I listen to chat away in my earbuds while I sit alone, in the dark, willing a six-year-old boy to fall asleep.

If you’re a parent of a special needs child, a new parent or a lost parent and you find yourself in the dark literally or figuratively, know that I understand you. Reach out to someone who can understand. I will cry with you. I will listen to you. “I’ll sit with you in the dark.” It will save you.

Jaime Ramos, is a mom from Colorado. She's married to Isaac and has two kids, Amelie and Jesse. Jesse, her Johnny, is on the Autism Spectrum. She went to school to be a filmmaker, but now spends her days mainly as a stay at home mom.

 

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There Is No Room for Shame Here

By Chrystal Venator

mom and son in a field

Photo: Laney Photography

About two years ago my son and I were waiting in line at Walmart. He was sitting in the cart happily flapping and stimming as we waited. A lady, waiting in line behind us, started talking to him. When he didn’t respond I explained to her that he was non-verbal and on the autism spectrum. She immediately proceeded to thank me and tell me how great it was that I wasn’t ashamed to bring him out and about in the community.

I will never be ashamed that my son has autism. It’s one of the many parts of him that contribute to making him the amazing little boy that I love and adore.

No one could ever take over the space in my heart that he fills with his spins, squeals, smiles, jokes, and flaps. These things are mixed in amongst deep love, hope, and faith.

There is no room for shame here.

I’m not ashamed of autism and you shouldn’t be either because it’s not about a diagnosis.

It’s about the person.

My son brings so much more to this world than autism. He is smart, funny, charming, handsome, witty, kind, brave, loving.

I would hate for anyone to miss out on the positive bright light that he shines because they are consumed by the negatives.

Don’t miss out on something that could be amazing just because it could also be difficult.

Autism may look hard and challenging on the outside but he lives it every day from within.

Why would I punish him with shame for a life circumstance that he has absolutely no control over?

I will always take my son into the community. I will always encourage and support him. I will always hope for progress for him. I will always advocate for him. I will always walk beside him. I will always be his dance partner even when there is no music. I will always ensure that he is treated with respect and dignity because he is a human being and deserves to be treated as such.

As I watch this bright, brave boy climb mountains and shatter all the naysayers, I feel nothing but pride and gratitude because he’s mine and I am blessed beyond measure to be his Mama.

 

This post originally appeared on Stalen’s Way Facebook page.

I am a proud wife, ASD Mom, Step-Mom. At 21 months, my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He is 5 years old and non-verbal. I have become a full-time stay-at-home mom. I am 1000% focused on raising autism awareness and helping my son live a full and fun life. 

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How My Son’s Diagnosis Taught Me More about Myself

By Shannon Gainey

mom and baby

Photo: Adventures in Autism with Murphy

I’m Shannon and this is how autism helped me find myself. My true self. I’m the proudest boy mom to the two most amazing boys. One of those boys was diagnosed with autism two years ago and completely changed everything I thought I knew about myself and autism.

The day our “Adventure in Autism” started was the darkest day of my life. I felt like I was being forced to go on a journey I didn’t want to go on. I did everything I could to keep from boarding that plane. I tried for the longest to keep that plane from taking off. I just knew this flight we were reluctantly on was headed to crash and burn. I feared the label, autism, more than anything I had ever feared before. I had feelings of shame. Despair. Loneliness. I talked about autism only when I had to. I never openly told anyone my son was autistic unless they asked. I thought that with enough therapy we would cure autism right away. It would be gone as quickly as it had appeared. No one would ever have to know. I cried at the sight of puzzle pieces and I only acknowledged autism during the month of April.

Through all the resistance our journey continued. Day after day. Month after month. Autism was still there, but so was my son. The son I knew before the diagnosis. The son I had fell so in love with since the first days our eyes met. I started to see that autism had always been there, even in the moments that I had put my blinders on. I quickly came to the realization to not love and accept autism was to not love or accept my son.

Day after day, I started to open up little by little. But I was still very guarded. See autism can be a very controversial and confusing world to an outsider like myself. I never thought our hard was “hard enough” and I didn’t think we were worthy. My son was diagnosed with Level 1.High functioning. He could talk. He played with other kids. He made progress. Everyone I associated with autism had it so much worse than us. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t want to offend anyone. Puzzle piece or infinity symbol? My son has autism or is an autistic? High functioning? Labels? Was I suppose to celebrate the month of April? Was I a bad parent because I worshipped ABA and all the therapies? I kept quiet. I talked about the good things about autism. My new perspective. My journey to acceptance. The progress my son made. The beauty that this journey had shown me thus far. Every time I got the urge to speak about our hard, I shoved it down. I buried it. I continued to show the Disney side of autism. That’s what people wanted to hear about right? People didn’t want to hear the negative. And then my son regressed.

I watched everything we had worked so hard for the past year disappear slowly. I tried to grasp and hold on to our world as I watched it fall apart. I had found myself once again in a dark place on this journey. Except this darkness was different. This darkness was darker than any black hole. Lonelier than any feeling of isolation I had experienced previously. The presence of even the smallest glimmer of light was absent. The sheer hopelessness of our new reality engulfed me. And so I got mad. Mad at this journey. Mad once again at autism. Or so I thought.

I quickly realized it wasn’t autism that the source of my anger was me. It was me. I was so very angry with myself. I realized that I had created my current reality. I was the one who stayed quiet. I was the one who didn’t think our story was worthy. I was the one that stayed submissive about our journey. I sadly realized that the current reality I found myself in, darkness, loneliness, and isolation, could be my son’s forever reality if the world stayed the way it was.

And so I started talking. I started sharing our worthy story. I started talking about the hard. I started processing my feelings through writing. Our world was still very hard. Sharing our story didn’t have any change that. But I started to notice that I was less and less alone. People willingly boarded the plane with us and joined our adventure. That darkness that I talked about earlier, I started that see a glimmer of light way off in the distance. I finally started to feel our story was worthy. I finally felt we were seen. Seen by my parents. Family. Friends. Other moms. Special needs moms. Moms that had a hard way harder than ours. I started to see that people saw my son in a different light. They saw his challenges, his victories. They were able to celebrate with us! That beautiful perspective autism had shown me early in our journey, I had selfishly kept that to myself.

Now that I was sharing our truth, others were able to see the beauty of this journey through our hard. They were able to join us on our adventure. They wanted to join us on this journey. And so I continued talking. And now a day hasn’t gone by where I don’t talk about our journey. I use to not be able to say the word autism. It was too painful. But what no one told me on that dark day two years ago is how this adventure would not only be an adventure about my son, it would be an adventure that would lead me to myself. My true self. Someone who isn’t ashamed anymore. Someone who speaks up for those that are different so they never have to feel less. Someone who knows the worth of her son and what he deserves. Someone not afraid to share and talk about the hard. Because it’s in the hard, that I truly found myself. My entire life was changed two years ago by one word. But it’s the best change that could have happened to me. It’s a change that I needed in the worst way. It’s a change that more people in this world today need. And for that reason, I will continue to talk and share. I won’t keep quiet. Because it’s the ones that are the most resistant on this journey that need that change the most.

This post originally appeared on Adventures in Autism with Murphy.

Shannon is a proud boy mom, Hairstylist, and passionate Autism Advocate. She lives in New Orleans, Louisiana with her two sons Murphy (5) and Merrick (2).  Murphy was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. Follow her family as they journey through Autism together on Adventures in Autism with Murphy Facebook and Instagram page. 

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Let Lucky Foods Inspire Your Meals this Year!

By Alexandra Gabalda

While we all need inspiration and motivation to go back in the kitchen and prepare our kids’ first lunches of the year, why not pick inspiration among these foods that are supposed to bring them good luck in the New Year? Get ready to update your grocery list!

Lentils. 
Italians eat lentils on New Year’s for wealth and prosperity because the flat legumes were believed to resemble Roman coins. Lunchbox ideas with lentils

Soba Noodles
In Japan, they signify a long life, but only if you eat them without breaking or chewing them. Lunchbox ideas with noodles

Black-Eyed Peas, Greens & Cornbread
“Peas for pennies, greens for dollars, and cornbread for gold.” In America, back to the Civil War era, black-eyed peas were used to feed grazing cattle. Leafy greens resemble folded paper money symbolizing wealth and prosperity. Lunchbox ideas with corn and lunchbox ideas with peas.

Pork 
Its rich, delicious fattiness symbolizes wealth and prosperity. Pigs are also “root forward” with their noses, which is supposed to symbolize progress. Lunchbox ideas with pork

Fish
Asian cultures feast on whole fish to celebrate Lunar New year, while on the other side of the globe, Europeans eat cod, herring, and carp. They do stand for coinage and plenty of it. Lunchbox ideas with cod

Grapes
In Spain and Mexico, eating 12 grapes at midnight as the clock strikes once for each hour will bring you luck for the 12 months ahead. Lunchbox ideas with grapes

We can’t wait to see what you will prepare out of this food inspiration!

Photo: Suad Kamardeen on Unsplash

This post originally appeared on Teuko Blog.

Teuko is the first platform that empowers families to simplify lunch packing. Using Teuko, they can find and share kid-approved lunchbox ideas, recipes, and tips, all in one place. Teuko is transforming the lunch packing experience by boosting inspiration and motivation week after week. 

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Mom’s Viral TikTok about What to Do if a Child Goes Missing Is a Must Watch

by Karly Wood

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare: losing your child in a public place. There’s nothing quite like the fear of being in a busy place and not being able to see them––but TikTok mom Jess Martini has some key advice.

The mom to three boys recently shared several ways to not only locate your child in a crowded space like a store, mall, zoo or amusement park, but to potentially stop a child abduction in progress. Keep scrolling to see her tips she shared on her TikTok account!

@jesmartini

Reposted bc its so impt and I want as many parents to see it as possible- cc this time #momsoftiktok #fyp #foryou #psa #dadsoftiktok #besafe

♬ original sound – Jess martini

Martini went on to share even more advice regarding how to remember what your child is wearing when you are knowingly heading into a place with tons of people––and it’s genius.

@jesmartini

If you’re here from the news articles- follow up tips to keep your kids safe in public ❤️#momsoftiktok #fyp #foryou #psa #dailyvlog #staysafe

♬ original sound – Jess martini

Martini’s key takeaway is to not be quiet about searching for your child. Do you feel strange doing it? Probably yes. Could it also save your child? Also yes.

As any parent would agree, it’s worth it to find your kiddo––and give them a neverending hug when you do.

––Karly Wood

Feature photo: Pexels

 

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Read Every Parenting Book You Can—Then Toss Them All in the Trash

By Sonal Patel

Photo: Sonal Patel-Saraiya

There’s a certain lure to self-help books. Especially if you’re anything like me. I’m always on the quest for more knowledge, always the perpetual student. 

I’m always either trying to constantly look for ways to better myself or I’m looking for ways to do things better, faster or quicker—in other words: shortcuts galore!

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve read almost every popular parenting book out there. (Heck, I’ve even co-authored a surviving twins guide.) Even before I was a parent, I read many self-help books on dating, better communication how to improve my career and more.

(Well, by read, I don’t mean that I actually read all of the books from cover-to-cover. I usually skim through them or read only particular chapters of interest or those that I feel will be of benefit me.)

What I’ve come to realize is this: there’s no magic solution to parenting. There’s no hack. 

Parenting is a work in progress. It’s an evolution of ourselves and our children.

Some parenting techniques require both parents (and often grandparents) to consistently apply those techniques for them to be able to work. Some techniques are more rigorous than others. Some are too lax for my parenting st‌yle, some are to rigid. But I like picking up a few key ideas from each book. 

You have to know your own temperament—and your child’s  You have to constantly adjust. Needs change as situations change and as their development changes. Know your child and know yourself so that you can anticipate problems and set boundaries, but adjust them when you need to.

No one tells you how hard parenting is going to be! No single self-help book can help you hack parenting. It’s a work in progress for all of us.

(PS: My current favorite parenting book?  Weird Parenting Wins, by Hillary Frank of the parenting podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.)

Dr. Patel is an allergist in Pasadena California. She is board-certified in Allergy-Clinical Immunology and Pediatrics. She is the co-author of The Mommy MD guides to Twins Triplets and More! She understands that parenting is the hardest and most fulfilling job you can have. You can find her @TMommyMD.

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This New Series Might Hold the Secret to Literacy in Early Learners

by Karly Wood

Teaching kids to read is a rewarding experience, but it doesn’t come easy! Luckily, Random House Children’s Books has just announced that it is launching a new learn-to-read program that comes with a clear method and recurring characters and stories that is perfect for kids ages four to eight.

Developed by reading and literary specialist Marla Conn, the Reading House program is made up of 12 boxed sets all releasing in 2021. Each set comes with 12 leveled storybooks, an activity sheet, a progress sticker sheet and a classroom guide.

The new program teaches kiddos letter recognition and phonemic awareness as they progress on their journey to independent reading. Using recurring characters and stories, kids are able to recognize words and understand meaning due to context clues and familiarity.

The Reading House Sets 1–5 launches 1/5/2021 and includes:

  • The Reading House Set 1: Letter Recognition A–L
  • The Reading House Set 2: Letter Recognition M–Z, including lower and upper-case letters and beginning sounds
  • The Reading House Set 3: Introduction to Short Vowel Sounds
  • The Reading House Set 4: Short Vowel Clusters and Sight Words
  • The Reading House Set 5: Short Vowels and Reading for Fluency, including short vowels sounds and word families, clusters, and sight words

The Reading House Sets 6–8 launches 3/2/2021 and includes:

  • The Reading House Set 6: Introduction to Long Vowel Sounds
  • The Reading House Set 7: Long Vowel Blends and Sight Words
  • The Reading House Set 8: Long Vowels and Reading for Fluency, including long vowel sounds and word families, blends, and sight words

The Reading House Sets 9–12 launches 5/4/2021 and includes:

  • The Reading House Set 9: Introduction to Reading for Meaning
  • The Reading House Set 10: Sequencing Events
  • The Reading House Set 11: Comparing and Contrasting
  • The Reading House Set 12: Cause and Effect Relationships

Stay tuned for more details about pre-order availability!

––Karly Wood

All photos: Courtesy of Random House

 

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Why I Think We Should Go Back to Simpler Times

By Missy Woodruff

It might surprise most people to know that through most of human history we were hunter-gatherers. For tens of thousands of years we travelled in small bands of “Sapiens,” foraging for our food.

In fact, it wasn’t until the “Agricultural Revolution” about 12,000 years ago that we decided to settle down and became farmers instead of travelers.

History calls this decision “progress,” but I think it was a questionable call. Here’s why we were better off as hunter-gatherers:

We were healthier

Imagine a giant open-air health club with a kick-ass cafe and no parking issues. You may be surprised to learn that such a place exists, and it’s called, “nature.”

It’s true, and for thousands of years we used to travel through “nature” unencumbered; like a bunch of hipster chefs out foraging food for their trendy gastro-pubs.

As hunter-gatherers, we were usually on the move, and didn’t stay in one place for more than a few days or weeks. Our travel was dictated largely by the annual migration of animals and the seasonal growth cycles of plants.

We ate whatever we could forage, and that wide variety of foods resulted in a very nutritious diet. Typical hunter-gatherer meals might have included a diversity of fruits, vegetables, edible roots, nuts, meat and fish. (Yes, it was the “original” paleo diet!)

All that nutritious, low-carb food combined with hours of “foraging” exercise each day meant that our ancestors were in tremendous shape, and the obesity rate was probably zero.

Not only did they probably look like (hairy?) CrossFit athletes, but they were really smart too!

We were smarter

You might scoff at the idea that people were smarter 20k years before Siri and Alexa, but hear me out.

All that foraging made us a lot smarter. Can you imagine the breadth of knowledge it would have required to be a successful hunter-gatherer? Just to survive you’d need an extensive, hands-on education in biology, botany, geography, and meteorology.

Hunter-gatherers were true, “Renaissance men” (and women!), with each person learning dozens of practical skills like making tools and weapons, navigating, mending clothes, starting fires, and tracking animals.

In today’s society, most of us specialize in one niche area and depend on the narrow skills of many others to survive. I mean, how much do you really need to know about the earth to sell insurance or design websites?

Sure, as a society we’ve never been collectively “smarter” and more “advanced” than we are today, but as individuals I say we were in our prime as hunter-gatherers.

We were happier

When we put down roots and became farmers, an interesting thing happened. We stopped living in the present, and started worrying about the future.

Thoughts of foraging for our next meal turned to anxiety about harvests months or even years in the future. We worked harder and acquired more possessions, but we fretted that we might lose them if a single crop failed.

When we stopped traveling, we put ourselves on a road to nowhere. Like Sisyphus, we began perpetually rolling a boulder uphill, only to watch it roll back down again.

To this day it seems like the more we chase “progress,” the more despondent we become. If things have improved so much, why are we so damned depressed?

OK, I’m “cherry-picking” some facts (that’s a little “foraging” pun for you!)

Could I really live in a world that had sabre-tooth tigers, but no flushable-toilets?

Maybe not, but I can’t help think we have a lot to learn from our foraging ancestors. Lately even peanuts and gluten seem to be telling us that we’re doing something wrong, so maybe we should listen.

When we were hunter-gatherers we didn’t have to contemplate our right to “the pursuit of happiness,” because it seems we had already found happiness in the pursuit!

I'm Missy, a mother of three and a middle school drama teacher at a private school. I'm obsessed with my Vizsla (dog), traveling, and the musical Hamilton. I also enjoy writing and sharing fun parenting stories, which is what brought me here.

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