ML Interest Tag: sexual-orientation

How to Find the Best Nanny for Your Baby

by Sarah Blight

Finding the best nanny for your baby is a delicate and often time-consuming task. Here are the tools you need to be confident, to save you time, and to be aware of all the ins and outs of selecting the right nanny. Read on for things to consider, how to start the process, and the most important questions to ask.

Also considering daycare? Read: How to Find the Best Daycare for Your Baby

photo: Jordan Rowland via Unsplash

Things to consider:

  1. What is most important to you? What are the non-negotiables for you as you begin your search? Is it cost? Is it having a live-in nanny? Is it experience? Write a list with your partner that you can refer to during your search.
  2. Location is one of the reasons parents choose nannies as opposed to daycare. Parents report that they like the flexibility and convenience of having someone come to them and watch their baby in their home. This is particularly valuable when you need someone at varying times of day or night or when your baby is sick and you still need to get to work.
  3. Timing. The nanny search process can take up to 8 or more weeks. So start early! You’ll need to decide if you want to pursue a nanny through friends and relative referrals or through an agency. There is also a third option, a nanny from another country, known as an au pair. Typically, these are live-in nannies who require their own living space within your home.
  4. Cost. Nanny agency charges can range from $1,800 for a placement to $10,000 to use their services. If you get referrals from friends and family, you’ll just be responsible for paying your nanny her salary.
  5. What’s included.  Each nanny agency (domestic and international) is set up a bit differently with its fees, so do your research and find out what the fees include for the specific agency you are considering. An agency should be screening the candidates by phone, conducting a face-to-face interview and checking references. They should also conduct a social media and online screening as well as verify CPR/first aid certification, do a background check including a 7-year driving history, county and federal criminal report, social security verification and a sex offender registry check. If you are searching for a nanny via your friends and family and word of mouth, you will save a lot of money on fees but will have to do your own vetting (i.e. background check and doing all of the above mentioned items) to make sure you know who you are hiring.

How to start the process:

  • Talk to parents who are using nannies. Find out what route they went and why and how it’s working for them. If you don’t know many working parents, check out local parent groups on Facebook. The more people you can talk to, the better.
  • Decide if you want to use an agency or do it yourself. If you go the agency route, you need to decide if you want a local or international nanny (au pair).
  • Now comes the interviewing. You will either be interviewing an agency or a potential nanny depending on the route you’ve chosen. We’ve included questions to ask the agency and the nanny below. This is where your non-negotiables list comes in handy. Remember during your interviews that there are some questions that are prohibited by law. These include asking about age, race/ethnic background, religious views, sexual orientation, marital status/plans on becoming pregnant, disability, and if the nanny has been arrested.
  • Have the nanny meet the kids and interact with them.
  • Check references: Ask for three references. When you speak to them, ask specific questions, such as “what was this nanny’s biggest strength and weakness.”
photo: Nik MacMillan via Unsplash

Questions to ask:

The more information and insight you can glean during your interview process with either an agency and/or a nanny, the better idea you’ll have if they will be a good fit for your family.

Background Questions

  1. How long have you been a nanny?
  2. How many different families have you nannied for? What were the kids’ ages?
  3. What makes you a great nanny?
  4. What other experiences with children have you had?
  5. Have you had other jobs beside nannying?
  6. Do you plan on having another job or going to school while nannying?

Past Work Experience

  1. How did you find the last family you worked for?
  2. How long were you employed there and what ages were the kids while you worked there?
  3. Why did you stop working for that family?
  4. What was that family’s daily routine like?
  5. What were your daily responsibilities?
  6. Did you ever travel with that family?
  7. Were you required to do housework, errands, cooking, work overnight?
  8. How did you handle sick kids or medical emergencies?
  9. What did you like most about that job?
  10. What did you like least about that job?

Compatibility Questions

  1. How much notice do you need for schedule changes?
  2. Are you willing to stay alone with the kids overnight?
  3. Are you willing and able to travel with the family?
  4. What hours and days are you looking for? Evenings? Days? After-school?
  5. Are there any house or kid responsibilities that you won’t do?
  6. Are you willing to do laundry, housework or cooking?
  7. How many kids are you comfortable being responsible for, and what ages do you prefer?

Personality Questions

  1. What do you like best about nannying? Least?
  2. How have you worked with the parents as a caretaker of their kids?
  3. How do you discipline kids? Give examples from previous placements.
  4. How do you handle stress? For example, a baby crying non-stop. Or a toddler not listening to your instructions.
  5. What kind of personality do you have? Do you consider yourself more easygoing and laid back or more likely to have a schedule and enjoy structure?
  6. Do you have any hobbies or things you enjoy doing on your days off?
  7. Give three words that you think your previous families would say to describe you.

Nanny Ninja Skills Questions
Listening to the nanny communicate how they would handle different scenarios they may face with your child is incredibly insightful, so come up with a few good situations unique to your baby and/or family. Additional questions may include:

  1. How do you connect with the kids you watch?
  2. How do you comfort a crying child?
  3. What are some rules in other households that you felt were effective?
  4. What are your views on childrearing?
  5. What happens when a parent’s perspective on discipline is different from yours?
  6. How do you prefer to communicate with parents throughout the day? How often will they hear from you?

Logistical Questions

  1. Do you have a reliable, safe car that can fit my kids and has seatbelts and room for carseats?
  2. Are you looking for a live-in nanny position or set hours?
  3. For non-live-in nannies: Where do you live and how would you get to work each day?
  4. Would you bring your own food or want meals/food provided?
  5. Do you smoke?
  6. Are you willing to do other jobs around the house during naptime?
  7. When are you available to start work?
  8. Do you have other commitments that could interfere with this job?

Salary

  1. What is your salary requirement?
  2. How often would you like/need to be paid?
  3. If you work additional house, such as on a weekend or overnight, what is your overtime rate? Do you charge additional fees for this time?

photo: Dakota Corbin via Unsplash

Nanny & Child Meet and Greet
If a nanny has checked all your boxes so far, it’s time for her to meet your kiddos. Some things you will want to look out for:

  • How does she interact with your child?
  • Does she take charge when she’s with them? Or does she hang back and need some direction?
  • Is she confident in her approach to kids?
  • Is she comfortable playing with kids and getting on their level?
  • Does she look your child in the eye and have clear communication with them?
  • Does your baby seem to like this person?

Red Flags
It may be possible that the wonderful Mary Poppins you’ve been peppering with questions isn’t quite so wonderful after all! Some things to look out for:

  • Nanny doesn’t have references or is not making them available to you.
  • Lots of gaps in work history and the story doesn’t add up. Or they have a lot of short-term jobs.
  • No valid driver’s license or ID.
  • No social security card.
  • The way the nanny interacts with your child makes you uncomfortable. She doesn’t seem attentive, isn’t looking your baby in the eye and doesn’t seem confident around your child.
  • The nanny is willing to take less than her former position or just very low pay.
  • Driving record is poor (if it’s a requirement for the job you are hiring for).

photo: Alex Pasarelu via Unsplash

Final Question

After you’ve asked all the questions, done all the background searches, verified references and watched the nanny interact with your child, ask her one final time why she wants this position.

Now that she has had the opportunity to get to know you better and understand the responsibilities and expectations of the job, make sure she still wants it! It also gives her an opportunity to sell herself to you as a good fit so you can see how eager she is to take care of your child.

—Sarah Blight

RELATED STORIES:

New Mom’s Survival Guide for Going Back to Work

How to Find the Best Daycare for Your Baby

How to Interview a Babysitter: Must-Ask Questions & Interview Tips

 

 

 

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Free Family Services for the High Holidays

by alina adams

Jews are known to have a joke for any occasion. And many of those jokes deal with the fact that, when it comes to the so-called High Holidays, Rosh HaShana (September 16, 2012) and Yom Kippur (September 25, 2012), tickets to services are expensive and, if you’re not already a synagogue member, very difficult to get. Not to mention, the services tend to be long, and not particularly child-friendly. Really how much atoning does the average pre-schooler have to do?

This year, though, the joke is on them, as Red Tricycle reveals a list of NYC places that offer meaningful services just right for kids – and at no cost, to boot!

Chabad
Various NYC locations
This ultra-Orthodox international organization makes no secret of the fact that their goal is to make secular Jews more observant. And, by more observant, they mean observant their way. That aside, they are usually incredibly tolerant of all levels of observance, and even welcome curious drop-bys. This year brings not only free, family friendly services at thirty-six different locations around New York City, but also their Second Annual Shofar in the Park at the Central Park Bandshell, where you can hear some real pros demonstrate how that ram’s horn should be blown!

Beit Simcha Torah Congregation
Jacob Javits Convention Center
655 West 34th Street
This LGBT Synagogue has been offering free services for thirty-nine years, becoming so popular along the way due to their inclusive – and cost free – policy that, in 1992, they moved to the Javits Center, welcoming close to 4000 worshippers each day. Families of absolutely every kind are accepted here, and no test (or proof) of sexual orientation is required.

Ansche Chesed
251 West 100th Street
Family Services at this Conservative synagogue don’t require membership, tickets, or reservations. Children are grouped by age, 3 and under, 4-7, and 8 and above, and parents are welcome to attend as well, also at no charge. Programs are lead by students from the nearby Jewish Theological Seminary. Though all are invited for the ceremonial walk to Riverside Dive and the Hudson River for Tashlich, the casting of bread – and sins – upon the waters, youngsters have been known to shortcut the process via a bucket on the temple’s roof.

Rodeph Sholom
7 West 83rd Street
This Reform congregation offers main sanctuary tickets for members but, on Tuesday, September 18, the second day of Rosh HaShana, they are inviting the entire community, members and non-members alike, to a service for families with special needs. Expect music, interactive learning, Torah, apples and honey, and an American Sign Language interpreter.  The program will finish in time to join the rest of Rodeph Sholom for Tashlich in Central Park.

Kol Haneshama
805 Columbus Avenue at 100th Street
Since 2008, this Center for Jewish Life and Enrichment has been focused on enhancing the spiritual selves of Jews not affiliated with a particular movement of Judaism, with an emphasis on families. Free services will be available during the High Holidays for adults, and a separate one for children. Knowledge of Hebrew isn’t required, but reservations are.

Union Temple
Park Slope Jewish Center
1320 8th Avenue
Brooklyn
It’s a Brownstone Brooklyn Service with free tickets for all who make a reservation, and not just childcare, but also designated programs broken down by age, 1-6, 6-12, and a Youth Group Study Program for Teens is included. Seats are first come/first served, so an early arrival is advised.

Best High Holyday Services
1157 Lexington Avenue between 79th and 80th Streets
Would the website address lie to you? Billed as Best High Holyday Services, this not particularly modest organization has been providing free Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur services for 29 years in a stated attempt to attract more members to their East Side Synagogue.  Anybody whether single, empty-nesters, young families/couples, intermarried, the interfaith dating, beginners, people interested in Judaism, seniors, students, Russian Jews, Reform, Conservative (though, by implication, not Orthodox) are welcome without ticket or reservation. Though donations are very strongly encouraged. We daresay, they are forcefully insisted upon.

Meanwhile, in a bit of fun irony this holiday season, The Wall Street Synagogue is offering open, free seating for all. Workman’s Circle, proudly socialist since 1900, is charging.

To find more High Holiday services near you, visit: http://nomembershiprequired.com/

May you all have a Sweet New Year!

— Alina Adams

photo credit: Alina Adams & Alan Kotok via Flickr

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Message Board Posting Guidelines

by drealestercontributor

Welcome to the Red Tricycle Community Guidelines. We created Red Tricycle Community to provide moms with a safe and unique place where they can connect with other moms, share experiences, share challenges, give and get advice, laugh, and do much more.

These Guidelines are here to help Red Tricycle  be a great place for as many moms as possible! Red Tricycle is a community where a mom can feel welcome and safe, and not be subjected to personal attacks or disrespectful behavior.

As the “owner”, the Red Tricycle Team will do our best to enforce the Guidelines of the Community, assist members with any questions, and provide a clean place for moms to spend their time.

Red Tricycle Guidelines – Rules of Conduct

The most important rule is to be respectful of all members of the site. General kindness to each other will enable the community to a place that will be open and welcome newcomers.

  • Be respectful of others.
  • Don’t harass, personally attack, or gang up on others.
  • Slurs, stereotyping, and hate speech are not tolerated.
  • Controversial topics and debate are great, but they should be done constructively. Be prepared for others to agree AND disagree with you and your ideas.
  • Use the Privacy and Security settings to control the privacy and security of your Red Tricycle experience.
  • Don’t post something just to inflame or annoy others.
  • Don’t ask other members for help in the form of money, gifts or donations.
  • Be respectful of others when posting any content that is adult in nature. Nude photographs or images are not allowed. Neither are photographs or images of abortion or depictions of violence.
  • Don’t share your personal information or anyone else’s information with someone unless you’re absolutely certain it is safe to share with that person. That includes anything another member shared with you in private.
  • Do not post under multiple accounts.
  • Help us keep Red Tricycle orderly by reporting any problems you see on the site including posts that break these rules and anyone you suspect doesn’t belong on Red Tricycle.
  • Don’t do anything criminal or illegal on Red Tricycle or encourage anyone else to do so.
  • You may discuss Red Tricycle policies, but only in Suggestions & Feedback in Red Tricycle Conversations.

Red Tricycle’s Responsibilities

The Red Tricycle Team will not look at every post, photo or comment made on the site nor do we guarantee the integrity of every member on the site. But, if we catch something that we believe violates our Community Guidelines or the Red Tricycle Terms of Service – because we noticed it or you reported it – we will review the situation and take appropriate action if necessary.

When you report something to us that you believe violates these Guidelines or the Red Tricycle Terms of Service, we will do our best to review it. We will not always agree with you that there is a problem. When we do agree, we will take the action that we feel is appropriate. For privacy reasons, we often will not be able to share the action that we have taken, but we take all reports seriously, and take appropriate actions when necessary. While we listen to our members, we have the final say on whether content or conduct is permissible under these Guidelines and our Terms of Service.

We always have the right to remove postings, warn members, suspend accounts, and/or cancel accounts to enforce these Guidelines or the Red Tricycle Terms of Service or as we deem necessary to maintain the integrity of the site or our business. Whatever action we choose to take, our decision is final. We will not always explain our actions, but rest assured we do not take these decisions lightly.

We generally won’t take action against older content that violates these Guidelines. We feel our efforts are better spent focusing on current issues on the site.

If we feel that by removing a post or a member we can make the site experience better for the rest of the members, we will do it. Or, we could decide that a posting that you find objectionable is within the Guidelines. You may not always think our decisions are fair and you may not always agree with us.

Your Responsibilities

By following these Community Guidelines, you will be doing your part to make Red Tricycle a great place for all moms to be. In addition, you have Privacy and Security tools to control who sees the content you post.

These Guidelines are a work in progress. We may revise these Guidelines at any time and without prior notice.>

Red Tricycle Detailed Rules of Conduct

Be respectful of others. It’s the most important thing for everyone on Red Tricycle. Try not to take things too personally.

Don’t harass, personally attack, or gang up on others. You can be opinionated and say that your opinion is better or different than another opinion. But don’t be nasty about it. Disagree with the opinion, not the person. Don’t name-call or try to rally support for your “side”.

Slurs, stereotyping, and hate speech are not tolerated. Slurs, hate speech and attacks aimed at any race, color, religion, national origin, disability or sexual orientation are not tolerated at all on Momburbia.

Controversial topics and debate are great, but they should be done constructively. Be prepared for others to agree AND disagree with you and your ideas.

  • When you post something, especially about a controversial topic, expect that your viewpoints and opinions may be vigorously questioned, challenged, and held up to scrutiny. If having your opinions challenged and being expected to defend your position will make you uncomfortable, please don’t post about that topic
  • Red Tricycle tries to be a place where people can express their opinion and practice freedom of speech, even if their message is extremely controversial or of questionable validity. That means that you might feel something is “wrong” and doesn’t belong on Red Tricycle, and we might disagree. We feel that sometimes the best way to defend against ignorant or prejudicial speech is with more speech.
  • Discussion and debate are not only allowed, they are encouraged. But, if a healthy discussion breaks down into an exchange of attacks and insults or becomes too heated, we will take measures to end the discussion.
  • We are particularly sensitive to members criticizing or attacking the parenting styles or parenting decisions of other members. Use sensitivity when expressing your opinion about the way another member is raising her children.


Don’t post something just to inflame or annoy others.Posts that are meant to only upset another mom or group of moms have no place at Red Tricycle. They simply pollute the air and make it a less inviting place for everyone. Sometimes posts and comments are unintentionally inflammatory – and we understand that – but we might still remove the post or commen

Don’t ask other members for help in the form of money, gifts or donations.We appreciate the stress on you and your family resulting from financial pressures, however, it is not acceptable at this community to ask another member for money, goods or services. Instead, you can suggest that members donate to official.

Advertising and promotions guidelines

    Acceptable Advertising includes:

  • Products that you are selling (personal or professional)
  • Job opportunities
  • Charities and charitable causes
  • Promoting your entry in a contest (e.g,. “vote for my baby in the cutest baby contest on xyz.com!”)

Pyramid schemes and cash gifting scams are illegal and posting information about these schemes anywhere on Red Tricycle is prohibited. In addition, posts soliciting or advertising the availability of children for adoption are not permitted on Momburbia

There are many things that members are prohibited from listing for sale on Red Tricycle. Click here to see the list of prohibited or restricted items.

Be respectful of others when posting any content that is adult in nature. Nude photographs or images are not allowed. Neither are photographs or images of abortion or depictions of violence.

We all have different thresholds for what we are comfortable seeing and reading. In addition, while Red Tricycle is a site for families, that often have their children around! In order to make Momburbia comfortable for everyone, and so any little ones don’t see something that they shouldn’t, please adhere to the following guidelines when posting content that may not be suitable for everyone.

Cursing and adult content are prohibited.

Nude photographs or images are not allowed, though breastfeeding and birthing photos are permitted as long as they are noted accordingly in the title of the album or photo. For example, your album title can be “Feeding my Baby Boy”(Nude) The album cover must also be a non-nude image to allow the user to chose if they wish to enter and see nude photos. Also, if you wish to post an image on your wall or within a group or blog, post a non-nude image and mention that your album is available in the photos section to view and see all photos.

We also allow “nude” pictures of babies under 6 months old – we don’t believe that it’s a wise idea to post nude pictures of anyone older than that.

Don’t share your personal information or anyone else’s information. Would you give your phone number, street address or anything else to a mom you just met? Maybe – if you trusted her or knew someone in common. But you probably wouldn’t give it out to someone you knew little about. The same is true online. Don’t give out your personal information to anyone else unless you’re sure it’s safe. And, don’t give it out in a public area of Momburbia where others can see it too. It will be removed

Don’t give money to people who ask for it online. While their stories may move you, you have no way of knowing if they are legitimate. We can’t verify the identities of everyone on the site and you use the site at your own risk. We urge you to learn and follow best practices for staying safe online.

You should also not share or post anyone else’s personal information. Don’t repost messages from private groups or messages in public places. If the information was posted in a private group, assume that the member wants it to remain private.

We are not responsible for what happens off the site, even if it was organized on Momburbia. Be careful whom you talk to, whom you trust, and what you do in the “real” world based on what you read online

Help us keep Red Tricycle orderly by reporting any problems you see on the site, posts that break these rules, and anyone you suspect doesn’t belong on Red Tricycle.

If you see something, say something to us. We’re always on the site in one-way or another. And, we rely on Red Tricycle members to help us identify when there is a violation of these Guidelines. When you report something to us, we will do our best to investigate it. You don’t need to report things multiple times or have your friends also report the same issue. We try to review everything sent to us and sending it multiple times just slows things down for everyone.

If you think you’ve found an “imposter” or suspect that a member is not “legitimate,” let us know and we will investigate promptly. Do not threaten, harass or make blog posts about your suspicions. Doing this will only interfere with and slow down our efforts to get to the truth quickly. Likewise, if we discover that you are pretending to be someone you are not, we will cancel your account.

Don’t do anything criminal or illegal on Red Tricycle or encourage anyone else to do so.

Any postings that we reasonably believe or suspect are criminal or illegal in nature will be removed and any conduct that we suspect is illegal or which poses a threat of illegal activity will be reported to the appropriate authorities. We will cooperate with authorities to prosecute anyone who breaks the law while using our site. Do not link to sites containing criminal or illegal activity

If you see something that you believe is illegal, you can report that to the authorities. We are not experts, and cannot make assessments about the legality of many things – if you think it’s illegal, you should contact the police and let them make the decision. We will fully cooperate with any authorities who contact us about issues on Red Tricycle

You may discuss Red Tricycle policies, but only in the Red Tricycle Suggestions and Feedback inside Conversations.

We are open to constructive feedback about our decisions and policies. But in order to keep on top of all of the inquiries, we need everyone to post their policy discussions in the same place.

We created the Red Tricycle Community Guidelines to help all users understand how groups are run and regulated on Red Tricycle.


Red Tricycle COMMUNITY GUIDELINES – CLASSIFIEDS

Many laws, regulations and policies, in a variety of jurisdictions, regulate the goods and services that may be bought and sold. For your convenience, we have prepared a list of some of the types of prohibited and restricted items the advertisement for sale of which is not permitted on Red Tricycle.

Red Tricycle users remain responsible for complying with all applicable laws, regulations or restrictions on items, services, or manner of sale, payment or exchange, that may apply to transactions in which they participate — including but not limited to those imposed by your federal, state, and local laws and guidelines.

Partial list of items for sale and services the advertisement of which is not permitted on Red Tricycle:

  • Obscene material or child pornography.
  • Offer or solicitation of illegal prostitution.
  • Weapons and related items, including but not limited to firearms, disguised, undetectable or switchblade knives, martial arts weapons, scopes, silencers, ammunition, ammunition magazines, BB guns, tear gas or stun guns.
  • Items issued to Canadian or United States Armed Forces that have not been disposed of in accordance with Department of Defense demilitarization policies.
  • Fireworks, including but not limited to “safe and sane” fireworks or any destructive devices or explosives.
  • Controlled substances or illegal drugs, substances and items used to manufacture controlled substances and drug paraphernalia.
  • Alcohol or tobacco products.
  • Prescription drugs and medical devices, including but not limited to prescription or contact lenses, defibrillators, hypodermic needles or hearing aids.
  • Nonprescription drugs that make false or misleading treatment claims or treatment claims that require FDA approval.
  • Blood, bodily fluids or body parts.
  • Household pets of any kind including but not limited to dogs, cats, primates, cage birds, rodents, reptiles, amphibians, fish. Re-homing with small adoption fee OK
  • Pet animal parts, blood, or fluids – including but not limited to stud/breeding service
  • Restricted or regulated plants and insects, including but not limited to noxious weeds, endangered plant species, or live insects or pests.
  • Pesticides or hazardous substances, or items containing hazardous substances including but not limited to contaminated toys, or art or craft material containing toxic substances without a warning label.
  • Illegal telecommunications equipment, including but not limited to access cards, password sniffers, access card programmers and unloopers, or cable descramblers
  • Stolen property, or property with serial number removed or altered.
  • Burglary tools, including but not limited to lock-picks or motor vehicle master keys
  • False identification cards, items with police insignia, citizenship documents, or birth certificates.
  • Counterfeit currency, coins and stamps, tickets, as well as equipment designed to make them.
  • Counterfeit, replica, or knock-off brand name goods.
  • Material that infringes copyright, including but not limited to software or other digital goods you are not authorized to sell, warez, bootlegs (without consent of the band).
  • Airline tickets that restrict transfer, and tickets of any kind which you are not authorized to sell.
  • Coupons or gift cards that restrict transfer, and coupons or gift cards which you are not authorized to sell.
  • Gambling items, including but not limited to lottery tickets, sports trading card ‘grab bags’, raffle tickets, sweepstakes entries or slot machines.
  • Used or rebuilt batteries, or batteries containing mercury.
  • Used bedding and clothing, unless sanitized in accordance with law.
  • Non-packaged food items or adulterated food.
  • Bulk email or mailing lists that contain names, addresses, phone numbers, or other personal identifying information
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