ML Interest Tag: sleep-deprivation

Why a Good Night’s Sleep Is So Important for Teens

By Sarah Daren

Many of today’s teens aren’t getting enough rest. With the popularity of social media, online games and streaming music and video services, there’s just not enough time in the day to do it all and also fit in all the necessities of life – like sleep, for instance.

According to a National Poll on Children’s Health conducted by C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, 43% of parents reported teens who have sleep troubles, and more than half of these parents think electronics are to blame.

They may, indeed, be right, but another poll determined that three out of four of today’s teens also suffer from anxiety, and the nasty one-two punch of anxiety and sleep deprivation can spell big trouble for your teenager.

Restless in America

With poor sleep being one of the major signs of anxiety in today’s teens, and anxiety leading to a lack of sleep, parents need to combat this classic “chicken or the egg” scenario first, but finding the granular reasons for the anxiety/poor sleep combo is a good way to formulate a plan for a better night’s sleep.

The “social” aspect of those social media late nights is a key factor in keeping teens awake. Everyone wants to know how many likes they got or if their crush is dating anyone. This teen angst is nothing new, but far more accessible with electronics.

Educational and athletic stressors (e.g., a big test or a big track meet in the morning) are still heavily reported as reasons for sleep deprivation as well, and though not directly related to electronics, these stressors can be reasons teens reach for their phones to try to think about something else for a while.

Ultimately, limiting these granular stressors can prevent the anxiety spiral from getting worse.

The Risks of Restlessness

The social and educational stress teens feel is nothing new, but the Mott Poll mentioned earlier has determined that restlessness can be directly related to irritability and moodiness, a lack of attention span, and ultimately a loss of friends due to the mood swings.

Further down the preverbal spiral, this restlessness has been proven to increase auto accidents for teen drivers and sleep deprivation has also been cited as a predecessor to health issues such as obesity and depression.

Limiting these stressors in teens is not only good for their minds, but also for physical health.

Helping Your Teens Get a Good Night’s Rest

Simply banning electronics in the bedroom not only prevents teens from checking their Snapchat feeds, but it also reduces light and sounds in the room, both resulting in a more relaxing sleep environment and an easier means of maintaining a regular sleep schedule. Though it may seem contradictory, limiting naps and establishing a regular wake-up time are great ways to improve a regular sleep schedule and ultimately reduce stress and anxiety.

A healthy diet has also proven to increase sleep, as well as an increase in physical activity and time spent outside, and medication is an option as well, but most parents believe over-the-counter drugs are not good for teens and a doctor should always be consulted before any sort of regular medication schedule would start.

When All Else Fails

When Mom or Dad simply can’t figure out why their teen is having sleep issues that are or could ultimately lead to much more important issues, an applied behavior analyst may be a good option for righting the wrongs of anxiety and sleep deprivation in teens.

If the above tips simply aren’t fixing the issues, the issues could be signs of psychological issues that require professional help and behavior analysts will be able to determine the deeper issues causing the anxiety, and these analysts can offer more unique means of getting troubled teens on the right sleep track.

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach. 

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5 Ways to Connect with Your Kids without Technology

By Nicholas Tana

Photo: Pexels

In a world filled with computer distractions, it’s easy to rely on technology to babysit children, but is it healthy? Staring at a digital screen for long periods could cause all sorts of problems: eye damage, obesity, impeded brain development, sleep deprivation, aggressive behavior, MWR absorption. Knowing this, it’s easy to question: is all this ubiquitous exposure harmful?

Gen-X parents are the last folks to have lived the majority of their youth sans internet, providing a unique perspective. In truth, life before the internet wasn’t that bad. Sure, card catalogs were a nightmare. And you couldn’t notify your friends or family so conveniently as to your whereabouts, twenty-four-seven. However, this lack of convenience, in hindsight, had its benefits. Being unavailable, certainly made it easier to disconnect. You could focus better and be present, without the blips and bleeps of cell alerts demanding immediate attention. Though answers weren’t always at your fingertips, there was a certain magic in mystery. You didn’t know for certain who you would see when going to the arcade, mall, or neighborhood square; instead, you could anticipate, hope, plan, and be surprised.

Not that I would forgo technology, but let’s face it, we could survive without it for a time; enjoy a healthy break. Too often, it gets used by parents to replace quality time parents could be spending with their children. For parents who might want to connect with their kids more, while disconnecting, here are five tips:

1. Cook Together. Cooking with your children is a great way to connect, and it doesn’t have to involve the internet. You can refer to a cookbook, or if you must search a recipe online, do so then jot it down and turn those phones off! Cooking is a great way to teach kids how to fend for themselves (they have to eat somehow). Cooking is an essential life experience, and a fun one to share. Not to mention, you avoid the costs of eating out and the germs. Cooking together should increase the appreciation kids will have for eating, once the food is all done. Get extra good parenting points for using cooking as a teaching moment, to discuss where the food comes from. If you don’t know the source, make a point to research it later. Cooking is a great way to do something practical, fun, and tasty, as long as you don’t get too distracted searching through cooking videos or browsing the world wide web for recipes.

2. Sing Together. Singing together is fun and healthy. It’s easy, too, depending on your voice and volume. If singing is absolutely not your thing, however, you can play music together instead. You don’t even need instruments or skills. Tap away on your body, small inanimate objects (avoid glass), even your stomach, or clap your hands together (pots and pans will do too), until you rock out. The point is to make music; however, you can. It helps to release tension, makes you feel good, provides a great form of exercise while serving as an opportunity to bond.

3. Take a Hike. It’s fun and can allow you time to talk and to think, without phones or computers. Your eyes can relax, free of screen time, on whatever you see. If you’re in the park, you can watch the trees, point out the various types, check out the cloud formations, and the neighbor’s landscape (if it’s Christmas or Halloween, point out the decorations). Walking is not only good exercise — it’s a good technology-free way to spend quality time.

Listen to each other. One person talks, vents their feelings, anything that comes to mind, the good, the bad, the ugly, while the other person listens. This practice is about being present, not about offering solutions or turning it into a therapy session. Give your full attention to the other person, no matter what they are saying. At a loss for what to talk about? Feeling shy? Try describing what happened to you that day, or the day before, or the day before that. Write it down in letter form and read it instead. These listening exercises can help you to align yourself with your children’s hopes and dreams while discovering new ways to support them. But try not to judge or criticize, simply listen. Take a moment to thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings, no matter what’s said.

Read a book. Reading aloud to children stimulates creativity, imagination, and understanding. It helps kids comprehend language and the written word. It teaches them ways to organize and to express their ideas. It develops important listening skills, which your children will use throughout their lifetime. Most importantly, it develops a child’s sense of empathy, as they try to put themselves in the shoes of the protagonists, imagining what it’s like to be them, cheering for them along the way. There are many ways to enjoy bonding with your children without relying on computers, the cell phone, or video games; reading is certainly a good one.

The point is to encourage your children to use their imagination to entertain themselves in healthy ways that do not always involve the latest, greatest, digital distraction. Though these are by far not the only solutions, they’re a great way to get started. If you’ve got other ideas, we’d love to hear from you.

Nicholas Tana is a writer, director, actor, and musician. His most recent children's picture books, Monsters are Afraid of Babies, The Kitten, The Cat & The Apple and Kingdom of Glee are now available. To learn more, visit newclassicsbooks.com.

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I Went Back to School as a Working Mom of Three

By Kim Ennis

We decided we wanted to have a third child. Actually, my husband was ready before I was. Once Hunter turned 4, for whatever reason, I decided, I was ready too. Maybe it was because I had transitioned and settled into my new career on campus at this point, we had just moved again and my parents moved as well, so we now had two more grandparents in town. Yes, I remember now! That was it. Timing is everything. I remember thinking logistics: that we had space in the new house, room in our large vehicles for 3 car seats, I was no longer traveling for my job and we have the support of all grandparents in town to help. The time finally felt right.

It was April and work was busy. Very shortly after we decided to start trying for #3, I had lunch during a conference day with one of my colleagues and friends. He asked me, very plainly, as we were just getting to know one another, “So, what makes Kim, Kim? What do you like to do outside of work?” I awkwardly tried to explain other things that didn’t start with being a Mom.  “I write for fun. I love to run, when I have time. We travel as a family quite a bit…” Later he followed with, “Do you want to get your MBA? You should start!” (It became very obvious to me, I am now working in academia.)

The answer was yes. I have always wanted to go back to school. I have been considering it since I graduated from college. I still have hand written cards from MBA programs (specifically Kelley, where I expressed interest) inviting me to visit campus, dated in 2006. I even asked for a GMAT study guide book (you know those 900 page books) for Christmas in 2007. (I returned it after not looking at it for 6 months and bought a wedding planning book) The timing wasn’t right. Many friends, colleagues, and schools told me to go and gain great work experience first to get more value out of my education. After all, your resume and work experience are part of the application process. Also, the thought of taking the GMAT scared me. And, the cost of grad school terrified me.

So, to answer my colleague, I told him that I would love to start my Master’s degree or MBA eventually but I wasn’t sure of the timing. I thought to myself… we are trying for a third child. I can’t have both right now. I thought about it and over-analyzed it and tried to figure out what I wanted and what was possible. (Isn’t that what we do, parents?) I didn’t want to sacrifice a child for a degree but I also didn’t want to sacrifice a degree for a child either.  My ultimate thought was, I didn’t want to spread myself too thin (either as a mom or a student) and fail.

Honestly, we actually stopped trying for a third child for a month because I decided I could apply and start classes and then try for a baby next year or “later”. I thought that I am now working at this school and have the opportunity to apply to one of the very best programs in the country. For that month, I prioritized my degree because in my little mind, I thought I had to choose one. But you know what? The timing is never going to be right, at least for me. You just have to find a way to make it all work if you really want it.

It was so heavy on my mind for a few months. One day at work, I had a meeting with a faculty member. She had her MBA, her PhD and 4 children. She is highly regarded around the school, is so humble and just the nicest lady in the world. I am honored to get to work with her. She saw my photos of my two boys in my office and asked about them. So I asked her, “How did you do it all with 4 children? How did you go to school, get your PhD, balance home and work and all of your children?” I will never forget her answer. Katherine looked at me and smiled. She told me that when you really want something and have a passion for it, you find a way to make it work. She told me she always knew she wanted to work and when she decided to pursue her PhD, she had 4 young children and was teaching full time. This helped me more than anything, she said, “I would look at Canvas (our online platform) and see the list of all of the classes I was teaching and then there at the top of that list was MY CLASS, my own special class that I GOT to  take and it just made me so happy.”

That was it!! That was all I needed to push me forward. A positive attitude and you can do anything. That was exactly how I felt about it. I was so excited to take a class, learn and be challenged, like really challenged. I had to stop worrying about how I was going to make it all happen and just concentrate on actually making it happen. Through all of this, my husband gave me his full support to go back to school and we would figure it all out together. I was optimistic and excited and so determined. I began looking into and preparing for the application process.

That next month I got pregnant with our third son! Later that summer we were on our boat on Lake Monroe and I talked with one of my best friends (who was 8 months pregnant with her third child) and was finishing a certification at work. She is a pharmacist and mentioned that with that certification she already had finished 4 classes toward her MBA in Healthcare, and wanted to continue to finish it. “I mean, I might as well.” she said so casually. She told me this without hesitation or concern. She too was excited about the idea of challenging herself and continuing her studies. I told her I was getting ready to do the same. I was getting ready to apply to a 4-course certificate program that would then lead into the MBA program. Just knowing that another mommy, one of my best friends, felt confident in handling kids and school, gave me that extra boost of confidence.

At 6 months pregnant, I completed the application process. My boss helped me to think through how many classes I could take at once and also worked with me on the tuition benefit. He was instrumental in helping me to get ready for this giant leap. My application included my updated resume, a letter of intent, a letter of recommendation, my official college transcripts and my final grades in accounting mattered. I was accepted! I registered for Managerial Economics in the spring semester. Just by coincidence, my first class began March 6th with a 90-minute live online class and it was the exact day I was in the hospital delivering Wyatt. (Remember I was thinking I had to choose one or the other?)  This is how it is going to go, I thought. Sometimes your greatest challenges in life join forces and meet you at once.

Of course I was stressed and overwhelmed by the thought of missing my first class coupled with being just 6 hours postpartum.  But I then learned that I could watch it later, recorded. You see, online classes are designed for flexibility. They are built for 27-year-old engineers balancing a full time job, work related travel, a girlfriend and grad school. Online classes must also be designed for a 34-year-old mother of 2 who works full time but is currently in the hospital delivering another baby, right?

Now taking Economics, my first class in thirteen years, during maternity leave while breastfeeding, being sleep deprived as well as transitioning our 3-year-old and almost 5 year-old­-boys to a house with a baby maybe wasn’t my best idea but remember I was excited and optimistic and determined. Now, I can fondly look back at my (most recent) maternity leave and know that taking Economics at that time in my life was one of the hardest things I have done in my life.

There are the many emotions of being postpartum and of course the tiredness that comes with (breastfeeding) your newborn. You are giving your very best to his health and wellness and not wanting to sacrifice anything for that, meanwhile with 2 other young children learning what it is like to have a baby in the house. (And their mom with a new baby in the house.) Sometimes, in the dark, gloomy corners of my sleep deprivation, when I wanted to be really negative, I thought I was ruining my maternity leave. 

Twelve weeks, twelve live-online sessions, group assignments, and 2 4-hour exams later, the class ACTUALLY ENDED. I literally took my final exam for the whole 240 minutes and started back at work the very next day. I got a B- as my final letter grade and was happy with that. I celebrated! I don’t know if I even deserved that but boy did I try hard, reading my text book every week of maternity leave relentlessly cross eyed from sleep deprivation. I was afraid of failing, which means getting a C in grad school, because 1) people at work would know 2) even with a discount, there is a financial commitment 3) I was afraid I wasn’t cut out for it after all.

You see, all of this is to make my point that this would not be possible, in my little mind, if it weren’t for the encouragement of my mommy tribe. Katherine inspires me more than she knows and helped me see going back to school in a positive light.  Jen leads by example and makes me strive for more as a mom and a professional. She shows me it is all possible. Just a few small but crucial conversations like these helped me make some major life decisions! I was sure in my mind that it was not possible to have a class and a baby at the same time. And it doesn’t have to be school or a class. This is just my little tiny story. Many moms I talk to don’t like the idea of going back to school and strive for other BIG things in life like running 5Ks, marathons, traveling, raising a family, adopting, advancing in their career, volunteering, renovating or building a new home or building their own business.

So, here is what I learned about the power of your mommy tribe: 1. Take small steps toward making your dreams come true. Set goals and believe in yourself. Be inspired! 2. Talk to your mommy friends, your tribe that you trust, and seek insights and perspectives, other than your own, to consider. 3. Remember the impact of what you say and how you can help others. Remain positive and be helpful, be encouraging to others. Build each other up. 4. You are never too old to do what matters to you. I may not graduate until I am 38 years old, and I don’t care. 5. Pay it forward. Share your invaluable wealth of experiences with other mommies. We need your help. No matter what, your story and your example is more powerful that you know. If Katherine never told me how fondly she looked at her special class in Canvas, I may not be here to tell you that today I proved myself and completed my certificate in Business Management (12 credits) and am officially in the MBA program (36 more to go). You can do anything, Mama. Whatever you want to challenge yourself with, you got this. All the power to you. You are doing a great job and you are amazing. Share your story and thoughts with me and I promise to be a listening ear.

And finally, I’ll share one of my favorite quotes from a mom “I think every (working) mom probably feels the same thing: You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, “This is impossible- oh, this is impossible.” And then you just keep going and keep going and you sort of do the impossible.” – Tina Fey  

And cheers to all of the amazing Daddies out there standing by our side and giving their full support.

 

This post originally appeared on Life, Love & Little Boys.

Located in Bloomington, Indiana I am a wife, full-time working Mom to 3 boys, a part-time graduate student & a writer. I am also an optimist, problem solver, peacemaker, gardener, runner and a crazy-busy mom just trying to enjoy each moment. I truly value my friends, family and my mommy tribe.

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The Ultimate Diaper Bag Packing List

By Kim Ennis

There have been way too many times that we have left the house and I have forgotten one crucial item. It tends to be the most critical item that we need and there it is, left at home. Have you read the book, Checklist Manifesto? A diaper bag requires a checklist because there are too many things that baby needs and are so easy to forget.

The tricky thing is that we need to pack each time we go out, right? We use all the things like outfits, diapers, bottles but it’s the replenishing that causes me to forget an item. (That and my current state of sleep deprivation.) So, I’m making a list here as much for me as it is to share. Now if only someone could help me pack suitcases for a family of five.

 

So here it goes, this is my list for one newborn baby. The best way for me to remember all items is to think in categories: diapering, feeding, mom, all others/siblings.

Diapering

  • Changing pad 
  • Wipes
  • Diaper cream
  • 6 diapers
  • 2 Changes of clothes

Feeding 

  • Bottles, with breast milk or water and formula 
  • Thermos packed with hot water to warm bottles on the go
  • Nursing cover and if needed nipple shield, lanolin, etc
  • Burp cloth, I love the flannel ones 
  • Pacifier 

Mom

  • Wallet, keys, glasses, etc
  • Change of shirt, I keep a basic grey v-neck bc you never know
  • Chapstick, gum, I don’t know but things you’d put in your purse
  • Sanitizing wipes, lotion

All others

  • Toy for baby or sibling
  • Phone charger if needed
  • Blanket or muslin

The diaper bag evolves as the baby gets older and needs less or different things. Also, I used to carry a larger duffle bag style when we had two children under two and thus had two different size diapers and clothes to remember to pack. Oh, those days were exhausting. 

It is important to remember to get your items like your wallet (!) when the weekend is over, for example, and you are headed to work for the week. I’ve been without my wallet on a few occasions because it’s left in the diaper bag. Oops!

And the worst thing I ever forgot? Formula at the airport!

I was traveling to Boston to get to Cape Cod, to visit family with just Deacon, my youngest at the time. He was in between breastmilk and cows milk and so we supplemented with formula. He ate solid food but not enough to satisfy my big, growing boy. We went through security before I realized it. They do not sell formula anywhere in an airport, FYI. I learned that the hard way.

Thankfully, our flight was delayed for one hour. I had our bag checked, of course, and so we left the airport and went back to the car and into the parking garage. I drove to the closest Walmart and bought baby formula. This may have been one of the highest stress situations I have been in and I felt like I was the worst mom on the planet that day.

By then he wanted a bottle so I made one on the spot in the Walmart parking lot and drove back to the airport. We had to go through security again and made it back just in time. I definitely would have had to miss my flight otherwise! Lesson learned. Don’t be like me. Use this list.

I sometimes think about when I was younger and meticulously packed my purse or bag for a class in college. Now I can’t even remember what I even needed for myself. A hairbrush, mirror, face powder? Now I just need chapstick, phone, and a wallet and I’m good. It’s the little ones that need all of the things!

Oh yeah and after all that packing, don’t forget the little one too! 

This post originally appeared on Life Love & Little Boys.

Located in Bloomington, Indiana I am a wife, full-time working Mom to 3 boys, a part-time graduate student & a writer. I am also an optimist, problem solver, peacemaker, gardener, runner and a crazy-busy mom just trying to enjoy each moment. I truly value my friends, family and my mommy tribe.

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5 Ways That Helped My Child with Autism Sleep Better

By Annabelle Short

While I was pregnant, most of my friends would say, “Enjoy your sleeping nights while you can,” as a parental rule I would learn soon. But, turns out, they didn’t know what they were saying, and neither did I. It was not until my autistic daughter started to have trouble to sleep that I would know what sleep deprivation truly meant.

Unlike other kids that might just have a couple of rough nights, my daughter was struggling every night. We had a hard time trying to put her to sleep, she would fight us, throw tantrums, get agitated, and leave the bed a few hours later. I couldn’t tell if making her sleep the first time was worse than making her go back to sleep in the middle of the night.

A few years after the autism diagnose and a lot of research and tests, I have found a few things that help us through the day and especially at bedtime. It is well-known what sleep deprivation can do to a person’s life, and we could clearly see it on our daughter (and on ourselves!). She would have drastic mood swings during the day, frequent meltdowns, and a hard time at school. As a parent, we would do anything to see that our child wouldn’t suffer, and I can tell we have tried almost everything!

Here are the five things that have helped us so far:

1. Establish a daily routine, including bedtime: This is one of the first things we’ve learned about autism. Routine is reassuring for kids, and especially for those within the spectrum. I created a daily schedule for her and turned it into a visual timetable in our kitchen, where she can look anytime. It took us some months of training, but with time she got used to it. I can tell she is less stressed about when she has to eat, take a shower or sleep because she knows what is expected of her.

2. Explain what sleep is, in a visual manner: I used some comics to show her the importance of sleep and explained to her what it was about. At first, it felt like she was not paying attention, but I was later surprised by seeing she was putting one of her toys to “sleep.” I recommend picking up Carol Gray’s books that help children picture and gather information about everyday tasks. 

3. Reduce the teeth grinding: The first night I notice she was clenching her jaw, I got worried. Her pediatrician would later explain to me that this is a very common situation for children and adults with ASD. I took her to the dentist for a check-up, and they recommended for her to use a night mouth guard. At first, I didn’t like the idea, I thought that even having a fitted one would be uncomfortable to use during the night and she wouldn’t keep it. So, I tried everything. Relaxation techniques, stretching massages, avoid some types of food, and so on. Although some of these activities helped a little, I finally gave up and decided we should have a mouth guard. We introduced it slowly in the routine, and we can tell the difference by now.

4. Reduce stimulation slowly before bedtime: When it’s close to going to bed, I usually start by slowing reducing everything that might agitate her. It usually takes me one hour before bedtime after dinner. We turn off the TV, (although my husband sometimes sneaks to our bedroom to watch a game on mute), reduce any house noises and lights. I usually make her a calming massage for about five minutes or read a part of her favorite book. She gets to pick what she prefers on the day. This is a task that requires the entire family to be on board, but it is way better than having another five hours trying to calm her down enough to fall asleep.

5. Provide extra comfort with weighted blankets: Weighted blankets are amazing! I have mentioned this in another post, about getting and staying asleep, but it is worth repeating. The soft weight makes her calm and comfy, even helping when she is having a meltdown crisis. Before we acquired the first one, it would take longer to make her stay in bed to sleep, and she would probably wander around the house during the night. Specialists say weighted blankets promote a Deep Pressure Therapy (DTP), recommended for reducing anxiety and stress.

Every kid is different, and it took us a long time to find the best ways to cope with sleeping issues. I also started a sleeping diary, which helped me a lot into noticing positive and negative factors influencing her sleeping pattern. I hope these tips might also help you find the right ones for your child.

I'm Annabelle Short, a writer and seamstress of more than five years. I love making crafts with my two children, Leo (age 9) and Michelle (age 11). I split my time between London and Los Angeles and write for Wunderlabel. 

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You Can Safely Drink 25 Cups of Coffee a Day, According to Science

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Every parent has had a day or two (or a thousand) when that extra cup of coffee is vital to keeping you awake until you tuck the kids in. But how much is too much? According to new research you can safely drink 25 cups of coffee per day.

A recent study presented at the British Cardiovascular Society’s conference found that compared to those who drank less than one cup a day, coffee drinkers who consumed anywhere from five to 25 cups a day did not have a higher risk of arterial stiffness, which can increase the risk of stroke and heart attack.

photo: Rawpixel via Pexels

The question is, should you drink 25 cups even if it is safe? There are other factors to keep in mind. For example, pregnant and breastfeeding women should consult with their doctors on how much caffeine intake is safe. Those with heart disease and high blood pressure should also be cautious Alice Lichtenstein, a professor at the Tufts Friedman School of Nutrition Science and Policy warned TIME.

There’s also the issue of sleep deprivation. While you might need that caffeine boost to get you through the day, it could also be keeping you awake when you finally get a few minutes for some much needed shut eye.

While most people would likely find it difficult to even consume 25 cups a day, after all that’s more than one cup an hour, the important take away is, that extra cup or two on a rough day shouldn’t cause harm.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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When Skies Are Gray: Under the Cloud of Postpartum Depression

By Maria Bruce

Photo: Glenn Carstens-Peters via Unsplash

I sat with my arms cradled around her. I had stopped rocking at some point, but I wasn’t immediately aware of that. She wanted to eat, again, as she had wanted to do every hour for—how long? A day? Three days? I hardly knew. But it didn’t matter. And I had no care to think of when I had last slept or showered or eaten. In this moment nothing mattered except the pain of her relentless and inefficient nursing.

“We should see a lactation consultant,” my husband urged.

“Maybe tomorrow.” But it didn’t matter. It was something to feel. My stitches. My bleeding breasts. It was all I knew amidst the blur of sleeplessness.

I sat with my arms cradled around her and stared but did not see. I felt but did not feel. These moments of almost catatonic staring would pass only to be replaced with uncontrollable tears or the obligatory motions of going through the day and tending to my baby.

Occasionally I would catch my husband gazing at me with a look I had never seen before in the sixteen years I had known him. A look of pity? Concern? Fear?

All I knew is that it scared me.

Who was this person I had become? I recognized nothing of this woman in whose stretched and flabby skin I was existing. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, I didn’t know this new self. And I didn’t like her either.

“Will I ever be myself again?” I whispered underneath sobs to my husband.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “What can I do to help you?”

“I don’t know.”

These answers scared both of us.

We had prayed for this. For three years we struggled to conceive a child. Now she was here—but where was I? We had asked for this, spent money and energy to have this. I should be happy, I thought. The guilt of this overwhelmed me.

I’m a horrible mother. I can’t take care of a baby. I can’t even take care of myself. I can’t do this. I was wrong to want a baby.

The lies screamed so loudly through my mind that I heard nothing else.

And so I sat with my arms cradled around her and just stared into this cloud of darkness—for a day? Three days? Three months?

Others had commented that the first few weeks would be the hardest, that it would get better. The first few weeks passed, but the clouds did not. For all I could see, the skies were endlessly gray.

I watched as my husband looked lovingly at our little girl. From the moment of her birth he doted on her. The clouds thickened, and in this deepening darkness an irrational jealousy took hold of my thoughts. I didn’t feel love for this little person who cried and kept me from sleeping. And I felt anything but loveable myself. I felt jealous both of his ability to adore her and for his affection towards her instead of—according to my horribly skewed perception—towards myself.

At my postpartum follow-up appointment, my midwife finally named what I was too ashamed to admit:

“Postpartum depression. It’s very common. It’s not your fault.”

But wasn’t it? It’s because I’m a horrible mother. The lie screamed too loudly for me to hear rational thought.

“Let’s schedule another follow-up,” she suggested, “after you’ve seen a counselor.”

A counselor? But therapists are for people who are failures. I’m a horrible mother. I’m a failure.

Again the lies screamed.

That weekend my husband and I had dinner plans with friends. I told myself I was excited. Surely a good meal, a good beer and good conversation with friends were all I needed. Yes, I told myself, I just needed to get out.

However, instead of an enjoyable and rejuvenating evening, I sat at the table desperately, exhaustingly willing myself to engage.

What did she just say? Why can’t I focus? The night passed, but I was hardly present and hated myself for it. On the drive home I broke down. I was utterly ashamed—of what? Of being?

I can’t do this. I do have postpartum depression. I am a failure. It’s all my fault.

Amidst the darkness my irrational thinking only screamed more loudly.

“I’ll make an appointment with the counselor for you,” my husband said. I nodded as the tears continued to stream down my face.

I’ve since learned more about postpartum depression. It can happen to anyone and is, ironically, quite common among those who previously struggled with infertility. It often occurs because of the sudden drop in the hormone progesterone that women experience after giving birth. For some women, this sudden withdrawal of progesterone creates feelings of depression and anxiety. Mixed with the drastic life change and sleep deprivation that accompany caring for a newborn, the postpartum period can be an especially dark and trying time.

According to the CDC, an estimated 1 in 9 women experience some degree of postpartum depression. With such a high statistic, why does it seem to be such a taboo subject? Perhaps the feeling of guilt that often accompanies this experience clouds any clear understanding of it and prevents a woman from asking for the help she needs.

Eventually I pursued treatment through NaProTECHNOLOGY, the same medical science I had used to treat my infertility in the first place. For postpartum depression I received supplementation of bioidentical progesterone. With elevated progesterone levels, the cloud of depression lifted.

Combined with ongoing counseling sessions, I began to find myself. The various things I loved once again became enjoyable: reading, writing, even getting out for a jog. I could go to dinner with friends and engage—and laugh!

Now I can look back on those first few months and see it for what it was. I’m still learning to sift through some of the lies that took root during that dark time, but I am healing and learning to love myself as a new mom…

And falling in love with my precious baby girl—oh how I love her!

I recently looked back at photos of my baby girl just a day old in the hospital. What a beautiful baby she was, just as much then as she is now, although my vision was too clouded at that time to see it. As I looked at these photos, I felt like I was seeing her day-old self for the first time, this time through my own clear eyes, the eyes of a mother who absolutely adores her precious baby.

The old lies still echo in my mind from time to time, but I’ve learned how to recognize them for what they are and to quiet them with truth.

I’m a horrible mother—

But she’s healthy and growing. Little rolls round out her thighs.

I’m a horrible mother—

But she’s happy and smiles when I sing to her.

I’m a horrible mother. She deserves better—

But she quiets when I cradle her in my arms. She turns her eyes towards my voice and smiles and coos, eyes lighting up when I smile back. She relies on me for nourishment, and her cheeks are becoming increasingly plump.

I am not a horrible mother.

I am a mother who is learning and a mother who loves.

*****

If you think you may be struggling with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, please know that it’s not your fault and you’re not alone. Not only have many, many women struggled with this, but there is hope for you. Make an appointment with a counselor who specializes in postpartum depression (counseling is actually pretty great!) and get the care you need—the care you deserve.

You got this, momma!

Maria Bruce lives in New Orleans with her husband and daughter and works as the communications director for a women's healthcare and pregnancy center. She has an MA in English and loves to squeeze in a little reading and writing whenever the elusive free time appears.

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Kristen Bell Is Back for More “Momsplaining” & It’s Better Than Ever

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Kristen Bell is back with her special brand of hilarious mom jokes courtesy of her Momsplaining series on Ellen.

Back for its third season, Momsplaining with Kristen Bell is tackling the animal kingdom. The show, which is featured on Ellen’s YouTube channel, is all about sending up the realities of motherhood.

In the first two seasons, Bell covered everything from labor pains to sleep deprivation with the assistance to of some celebrity mom guests like Melissa McCarthy and Kathryn Hahn. Season three starts off with a bang, literally as the mom and Frozen star gives us all a lesson in animal reproduction.

During the show, she meets a host of wild animals, including sloths snakes, giraffes and alligators. “Fiercely protective? Always watching? Like a helicopter mom,” she jokes about the gators.

The new episodes of this season of Momsplaining with Kristen Bell will debut every Wednesday on ellentube.com and Ellen’s YouTube channel.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Kristen Bell via Instagram

 

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Prince William Welcomed His New Nephew with the Perfect Dad Joke

by Shahrzad Warkentin

There’s nothing quite like the knowing feeling when your kid-less friends finally enter the world of sleep-deprived parenthood. That’s exactly the sentiment Prince William shared about his brother and newly-minted dad Prince Harry.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry welcomed their first baby, a boy, just a few short days ago. Big brother and now uncle, Prince William is already making dad jokes about the challenges of parenting––and we’re loving every minute of it!

In the brief press interview welcoming their new nephew, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge expressed their joy over the tiniest member of the royal family. “Absolutely thrilled and looking forward to seeing him in the next few days when he’s quieted down,” Prince William said, adding the punchline, “I’m very pleased to welcome my own brother to the Sleep Deprivation Society that is parenting.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Kensington Royal via Instagram

 

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