“I love how creative you are” is just one of the things you can say to your son to give him a self-esteem boost
Research has shown that the development of self-esteem starts as early as babyhood. Thus, raising our sons to grow up to be confident, kind, and empathetic men means ensuring that they always feel safe, loved, and accepted. While it sometimes seems easier to lavish praise on our daughters (especially for dads), our sons also need our TLC. Here are 13 everyday compliments for boys to bookmark for the next time your kiddo needs a boost.
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Thank you for simply being you.
Letting your son know that there’s no singular way to be a boy or a man teaches him that he has the freedom and support to blaze his own, unique path in the world.
You are a great listener.
Help your son learn how to treat others with respect by complimenting him when he listens.
I’m so proud of you.
Because kids need to hear this from their parents. Every. Day.
I admire your good taste.
Whether it’s his choice of clothing, music, food, or friends, letting your son know that you approve of his choices will boost his confidence and help him make good choices throughout his life.
Kipp Jarecke Cheng
You are a wonderful brother.
The way a boy interacts with and treats his siblings can reveal a lot about his approach to relationships with others. Boys who have positive and supportive relationships with their siblings are more likely to have positive and supportive relationships with other family members, friends, and teachers.
Your adorable, quirky laugh reminds me of your dad’s (or mom’s) adorable, quirky laugh.
Letting your son know that he’s a chip off the old block can remind him what you love about your spouse, and also reinforces how you’re all connected as a family.
I love spending time with you.
There’s no better compliment than letting your son know what a pleasure it is to spend quality time with him.
You are kind and smart and funny and strong.
Encouraging kindness, intelligence, humor, and strength tells your son everything he needs to know about what your family values.
I can always count on you to do the right thing.
Like all kids, boys will test their parents and push boundaries. Let your son know that you trust him to do the right thing.
How does one match expectations for grandparents with their adult children about frequency and duration of visits with their grandchildren?
Like all relationships, the dynamic between generations is complicated and only becomes more so as new members are added, i.e., sons-in-law, daughters-in-law and grandchildren. However, complicated doesn’t have to mean negative, but communication and healthy boundaries are a must.
How much is the right amount will vary tremendously from family to family, but again communication is the key. Since couples rarely discuss how they intend to divide their time with extended families before the arrival of children they may find themselves in uncharted territory when this conflict arises. But when the time comes, parents need to have honest conversations with each other about extended family visits and what works best for them. Then, even more challenging at times, they must have frank discussions with in-laws about the conclusions reached after those conversations.
Next, and here comes the really hard part, they need to be willing to compromise so that everyone’s voice is heard and some attempt is made to share experiences throughout the year. Figuring out a happy medium will be the goal in all of these situations.
Knowing grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins is a great gift to children. Parents have a responsibility to their parents as well as an obligation to their children to work to foster healthy relationships with their extended family – if time, money and distance allow.
Finally, I would encourage grandparents to put their emphasis on the quality of time that is spent with their grandchildren rather than the quantity. With my own granddaughter, who lives for part of the year in Italy, I try to appreciate the times when we are together and be grateful for modern technology which allows us to connect regularly on Facetime when there is a great geographic distance between us. I also try not to get stuck on a vision of spending certain days of the year (holidays) together, but instead look forward to and enjoy the times we can be together.
As my mother used to say to me, “We are always together in spirit.”
I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.
It might be a new year, but for most, the new year brings the same amount of busyness. Juggling family commitments is a challenge for parents everywhere, but even more so for working moms.
As a working mom myself (and now grandma) for more than 30 years, I’ve learned some tricks to manage the madness of having a full career and family life. These tips helped me raise three kids while climbing the corporate ranks of Alberto Culver (a large beauty product conglomerate) all the way up to the position of Executive Chair of the board. I am a strong advocate for the important understanding that it is possible for career growth to coexist with a full family life and that working moms make great employees.
MAKING CHOICES & LEARNING TO SAY NO
The top lesson I learned is that you need to be okay with saying “no.” Everybody wants a competent person to take on more, but even the strongest people can break. Learn to say “no” and feel okay with it. Prioritize your responsibilities and pass on or delegate the nonessentials. And in those moments where you are overwhelmed, take a moment, hang on and breathe. And remember that it’s perfectly okay to say, “I’m a little overwhelmed right now.”
ROOM MOM
As a working mom, I found that one fun way to be a part of my kids’ classrooms was to be a “room mom.” I could provide the games and treats and take a couple half-days off to partake in special classroom happenings. My kids loved helping make the party bags or plan classroom activities with me and, frankly, it was a fun way to be a part of their school life. Plus, it let me avoid the politics that I found in some other PTO committees.
A MOM’S LEGACY
A tough reality to accept: Being a working mom means you have to miss a lot. We can never be at every concert, game, or field trip. But perhaps we leave a greater legacy:
A working mom teaches her daughter every day that being feminine is a good thing, but so is strength, independence and self-worth.
We raise our sons with the understanding that women are equals, that a mom can be a great cook, a business person and a respected partner in life and work.
Working moms make America’s workplaces better for all of us. The environment is a little kinder and more values-based when we carry our family values into the office. Smart companies realize how these values build a better workforce and give a powerful boost to sales and profits each and every day.
The path we forge will, we hope, make it easier for our daughters and granddaughters and build a place where our sons can be better men.
I urge you to remember these legacies when you feel those pangs of guilt. Let go of the image of the “perfect mom” who crushes it at the office, keeps a spotless home and always has dinner on the table by 7 p.m. It’s a myth. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if your home is super clean. Do the best you can and show your kids you love them. My philosophy is, if you love your kids, they’ll be okay. Love is pretty magical stuff.
Carol Lavin Bernick is a former executive chairman of Alberto Culver, civic leader, working
mother and philanthropist. She is the author of Gather As You Go, a collection of short,
digestible stories that offer powerful lessons, key insights and helpful tips based on her life
experiences.
Star light. Star bright. First star I see tonight. I wish you may. I wish you might. Be my date on Homecoming Night.
As if teenage guys don’t have enough on their plate, they must now come up with a cheesy proposal presentation to ask a girl to Homecoming (HOCO). He’d better not think of asking her to the dance without at least a decorated poster board in hand.
Why are our sons expected to put on a proposal production to ask someone to Homecoming today?
I have triplet boys. I have a husband. I have a father. I know a little something about men. I know males don’t come up with ideas like this on their own.
This means that mom most likely is assisting son with the plan. Or maybe the high schooler is scrolling through Pinterest for HOCO proposal ideas instead of doing his school work, which is strange. Or perhaps he’s recycling an idea from a friend who’s gone before him so that he can get the nonsense over with.
I have seen prom proposal productions in the past, but the shenanigans have now made their way into the Homecoming arena.
Do boys need to conjure up a rhyme and creatively display it on a poster to invite your daughter to a dance?
Others take it to another level buying huge teddy bears, shoes, candy and the list goes on. I’m sure the bigger, the better.
That wouldn’t exactly be something my sons would authentically do. And me pushing them to participate, isn’t something I would authentically do, so sorry ladies.
What happened to just a good guy asking a sweet girl to the high school homecoming?
How come that’s no longer enough?
Why do we insist on turning what should be a simple invitation into a production?
Perhaps it’s working for some guys because hiding behind a poster board slogan that your Mom helped you write, is probably easier than actually having to invite a girl face to face using your own words.
And there wouldn’t be anything post-worthy for social media if there wasn’t a production. And we all know how much everyone loves a good photo for the feed.
The HOCO Proposal Production seems like another way to try and one up each other. I’m having a tough time wrapping my head around the concept and why we’re allowing this nonsense to be commonplace now.
My boys aren’t attention seekers, so I guess that they may never go to Homecoming with a date if they have to come up with a cutesy scheme to get a girl to say yes.
Do girls need this type of proposal from boys now?
Our 8th-grade daughter said she thinks the idea is “cute.” I explained to her that it’s adorable when she and her girlfriends make posters for one another’s birthdays and bring them to middle school to celebrate. There is nothing cute about making a young man design a presentation to ask you to go to homecoming with him.
Let’s not put pressure on kids to have to put on a post-worthy show for what should be a simple invitation to a timeless high school event.
Let’s put our efforts into raising confident and kind young men and women who don’t need a show for social media to feel good about themselves and their lives.
Amy is the author of the book Parent on Purpose: A Courageous Approach to Raising Children in a Complicated World. Her work can be found at www.amycarney.com. She and her retired NHL playing husband, Keith, are raising 18-year-old triplet sons, a 16-year-old daughter, and a recently adopted 13-year-old son.
My recent post about 8 Things Kids Need to Do By Themselves Before They’re 13 went wild around the web. Parents are weighing in and while majority agree with integrating life skills into their kids lives, others have dubbed me uninvolved, lazy and say they feel sorry for my kids.
One reader said, so what do you do exactly, if you aren’t doing these things for your kids? So glad you asked….
1. Laugh and enjoy life with them
Don’t get caught up in the to do list of the day. Make connective time with your kids a priority because you can’t get one second of this back. The worst thing that can happen to us is that we have regret when our kids head out the door at 18 and we realize that we didn’t take enough time to enjoy their childhood. Seize the simple moments.
Taking crazy family selfies after dinner on our vacation in Hawaii last week.
Purposefully prioritize time to laugh and fit in carefree fun with the kids no matter how old and cool they get. Take breaks and vacations when and where you can to reconnect with your loved ones. Memories of time well spent together will sustain us when everyone dismantles in a few years.
2. Date their Desires
When you have teenagers, you have to be strategic to score one on one time with them. Not so long ago, I could plan anything out of the ordinary and my kids would be game. Unfortunately, this is no longer the case. Most ideas I come up with are met with a blank stare and a “not happening, Mom.” I must be in tune with my kids passions if I want to have close relationship with them.
Suns game with the sons!
My sons love anything sport so I take them to various college or pro baseball and basketball games each season. Or I take them to a new restaurant because food is always an easy way to a guy’s heart. With my other kids, I may choose hikes, movies, local concerts, plays or shopping excursions that feed their soul and in turn, fuel our relationship.
3. Encourage them to advocate for themselves
Last year, a teacher forgot to input one of our son’s homework grades at the end of the quarter and it affected his final grade. The mistake had my son very upset. (He went from a high A to a low A, but to him it was close to the end of the world.) He talked with the teacher and she apologized, but said there was nothing that could be done because grades had already been finalized. My son continued to talk his frustration out at home, so I advised him to go to the principal if he felt so strongly about it. We then talked about forgiveness and letting this mistake go, which is what he ended up doing.
What I wasn’t going to do was get involved with the teacher, even though I believed he was right. It’s hard not to write that email when our child has been wronged, isn’t it? It takes major self control to step back sometimes. But my son needs opportunities to learn to work things out in his world without Mom swooping in for the rescue.
4. Gather for family meals
Our family dining table is a sacred space in our home. A lot of beautiful, and usually loud, bonding goes on around that table. I wrote that I no longer make weekday breakfasts or pack school lunches, but I cherish our dinnertime together.
Sharing regular meals as a family has been proven to be one of the most important things we can do in our homes. Connections are made during conversations over food. Typically, teens are spending less time with family and more time with peers, so family mealtime is an important time to be together.
5. Support their passions
One of the most exciting aspects of being a mother is watching my kids choose their own unique paths. It intrigues me to see what makes them tick. I found myself as a volunteer judge at the high school speech and debate tournament that one son was competing in last weekend. How in the world did I end up there in my life?
I love finding myself in environments that I would never experience without my children. I’m on the sidelines of many games every weekend as well, because that’s what my others love to do. I don’t yell out or provoke them after a game, because my role is to simply support them. Their passions are not my passions and their interests are not mine. My kids know that I’ll be there when I can but that I’m not wrapped up in their performance.
6. Be the person you want your child to be
Practice what you preach because your kids are watching you. How well are we living our own lives according to what we say is important to us? Model the values that you want to see in your kids because what they see you doing just may rub off.
I’m mindful that my children are watching me. They are seeing if what I say matters matches up with my actions and yours are doing the same!
7. Create opportunities to build empathy and compassion
In this me, myself and I culture, it’s important that we create opportunities to serve others on a regular basis. Weave giving into your family culture so that serving others becomes who you are instead of what you do. If we want to raise kind and caring kids then we must put as much emphasis on caring for others as we do achieving good grades and winning games.
Early Saturday morning serving with Kitchen on the Street with two of my kids!
8. Talk technology
Got kids with high tech devices that resemble a body part? Me too. We have to balance giving our teens the freedom to communicate with their peers while letting them know that we will check their phone anytime we feel it necessary. Follow your kids on whatever social media feeds they are using. Know their passwords so you can scroll through Instagram and see what their friends are posting on spam accounts. It is eye opening. I always tell mine to remember that other parents are watching them as well. I agree with granting my child privacy, but never checking in is a mistake. We definitely grant our teens freedom and space, but they know that we care enough to check in as well.
What else should we be doing for our teens today?
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Amy is the author of the book Parent on Purpose: A Courageous Approach to Raising Children in a Complicated World. Her work can be found at www.amycarney.com. She and her retired NHL playing husband, Keith, are raising 18-year-old triplet sons, a 16-year-old daughter, and a recently adopted 13-year-old son.
It’s not because I don’t love you or that I don’t like you anymore. I just need my own space so I can appreciate everything that has happened in the last almost fifteen years of our marriage. I want to be able to feel grateful for having a husband that cares about everyone so deeply. Someone who has a mission to spread good and only good for people. And I also want to feel gratitude for being blessed with two lovely and ever-lively boys whose intelligence challenge mine all the time.
But we both know that life is so busy that I can’t be alone anytime I want. You may think that because I’m a stay-at-home-mom, I should have all the time in a day to do whatever I want. I wish that too. That’s why I often wonder if the speed of time has actually changed into a faster mode. Because I always feel that I haven’t done much at the end of the day. But then again, housekeeping, cooking, making sure our sons happy and well, sometimes gardening, food shopping and everything else in-between does take time. So I shouldn’t be surprised to finish the day with no hour for myself really.
Therefore, I do want to be alone, my dear husband.
Not because I don’t enjoy your company anymore. But because I need to listen to my own self without any other voice coming into my ears and confuse my own thoughts. I’ve been listening to you and others in the past almost-fifteen-years. And everything that I listened to has helped me learn a lot. And I like to think they have improved me as well. But it’s time for me to listen to my own voice. As I can feel the tiny teeny screaming sound deep down my heart. I have to run for her. Myself.
Because the voice within me needs distraction-free attention as it reminds me of things that I used to dream. When it’s finished, I may have to think of what to do as my next steps. And it’s quite a big dream which demands hard work. But I’m not afraid. I’m used to working my socks off. I’m ready for it.
So let me be alone, dear husband.
I promise you it has nothing to do with you or anyone. I just feel like being on my own and minding my own thoughts. That’s why I don’t want to go with you to see your family. It’s not because I don’t like your sisters, your brothers, your in-laws, your nieces, your nephews or their spouses. I don’t think you appreciate how hard it is for me to be so far from my parents, my siblings, my own nieces and nephews, for years and years. Especially when I realize that I’m getting older and I don’t know what’s around the corner.
Although I might not say it out loud, I do miss my family a lot. Everyday. God knows how I want to see them more often. And I understand that we don’t have the luxury of buying airplane tickets every year like some people. I don’t compare ourselves to them. Because I know that we’re in a far better place than millions of people out there. We’re richer than the homeless people around us who always render thanks to us whenever we cook homemade food for them. Or the domestic-violence-survivors with whom we share our food shopping. We’re also luckier than those refugees-from-war-zone. I know that we’re having a much better life than lots of people. But I still miss my family. So forgive me if I say I want to be alone, dear husband.
So I need time to clear my head and make peace with my mind. I promise I won’t take long. But until then, I need to tell you, I want to be alone, my dear husband.
Hi, I'm Devy who owns and writes Thousands Of Miles Away. A lifestyle blog for women who relocated far from family and friends to build their own dream life. Self-growth, motherhood, and food are things I love to talk about and share with hope to inspire others
Olympic skier Bode Miller and his wife Morgan welcomed twins in November—and now the happy couple is ready to share the boys’ names!
The birth of the Millers’ twin boys didn’t go exactly as planned. Bodie chronicled the wild delivery to Today back in November, explaining how the babies beat the midwives to the birth and arrived courtesy of a dad-assisted home delivery.
When asked about the boys’ names, Bodie told Today (in November, immediately after the birth), “We’ll come up with something. They have such different personalities right now, it’s going to be cool to kind of let them be for a little bit.”
It looks like the Millers have finally made their choice! Bodie recently revealed his twins’ names—Asher and Aksel. Even though the not-so-certain Millers have been calling their sons Baby A and Baby B, in an interview with Today’s Natalie Morales, Morgan said, “For the most part it’s official because they have stockings with their names on it.” Morgan also added, “We still go back and forth.”
As for Bode’s thoughts on the boys’ new monikers, the former Olympian said, “They’re great names. They’re definitely a fit.”
‘Tis the season for putting up the tree, wrapping presents, and sending holiday cards. We look forward to seeing the festive cards our favorite celebrities are sending out this year. This year’s greetings did not disappoint!
Hager and her husband, Henry Hager, recently welcomed baby Hal to their family. Hal joined big sisters, Mila and Poppy. This year’s card feature the trio with the caption, “How wonderful life is now that you’re in the world — Happy Hal-idays!”
Mollen and Biggs always find a way to make us laugh. This year’s hilarious card feature their sons, Lazlo and Sid, tying up the couple with a strand of Christmas lights. Mollen wrote, “From me and my elves to you and yours, happy holidays!”
Hudson is seated in the bed of a blue pickup surrounded by her children, Ryder, Bingham, and Rani Rose, along with boyfriend, Danny Fujikawa, in this festive holiday photo. “We take Christmas MERRY seriously,” she wrote.
Kardashian matched her children, North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm, donning grey sweats as she posed for this holiday photo alongside husband, West, who wore white. “The West Family Christmas Card 2019,”she wrote on Instagram.
“Time to pin down your children to brush their hair and keep them clean in the outfits you spent hours shopping for.” Conrad wrote on Instagram. Her holiday card, simply captioned, “Joy!” shows off Conrad and husband, William Tell, alongside new baby, Charlie Wolf, and older brother, Liam James.
Spelling referred to this year’s card as the “most fab holiday card yet.” The couple’s children Stella, Hattie, Liam, Finn, and Beau look stylish wearing coordinating colors.
Sparks and husband, Dana Isaiah, are all smiles as they pose with their son, Dana Jr for this year’s holiday photo. “They turned out amazing, and they were delivered so fast, I’m even getting my cards out on time this year – toddler or no toddler!!” Sparks wrote on Instagram.
Richards along with husband Aaron Phypers, pose with her daughters, Sam, Lola, and Eloise. The family looks great wearing matching white tops with jeans. “Very blessed to call this family mine,” Richards wrote on Instagram.
The Fuller House star posed alongside daughters, Zoie and Beatrix in this sweet holiday photo. “Love my girls to the moon and back and can’t wait for all the adventures 2020 will bring,” she wrote on Instagram.
Rimes and husband Eddie Cibrian, pose alongside his sons Mason and Jake, and dog, Fleetwood. “It’s been a year full of love and joy… and we sneak peace in there when we can,”Rimes wrote on Instagram.
“Happy Holidays to Tom, Ellen and Peanut whose names were accidentally printed on the bottom of the Meyers family card!” Meyers wrote on Instagram, when he shared this hilarious holiday card flub. He continued, “The whole thing is a reminder that the true meaning of Christmas is things will go wrong and the best you can do is roll with it (we cut off the bottoms!)”
I am a father of two boys and two girls and I’m constantly surprised at how different they are. One area that these differences are apparent is in how they express their emotions. My girls have no problem being open about their feelings and they’ve become better at articulating what they want the older they’ve become.
My sons seem firmly lodged on the other side of the scale. While they were more expressive when they were younger, nowadays they’ve become more and more reticent. It’s especially hard to get my eldest son to open up about whatever’s going on in his life.
As their dad, I know firsthand how hard it is for men and boys to talk about how they feel. Society has conditioned us to believe that experiencing and showing certain emotions is a sign of weakness and that’s not what “real men” do. As a result, boys end up bottling up their feelings and feel increasingly isolated from their families and the rest of society. They feel they have no one to talk to and that no one will understand what they’re going through. This then leads to increased incidences of teen depression, suicide and mental illness in adolescent boys and young men.
Interpreting My Sons’ Emotions
I decided to do things differently when raising my sons. However, before I could help them work through and express varying emotions, I first had to learn how to read and interpret them.
For instance, I noticed that my youngest son always had a physical complaint whenever he was faced with a new experience. He often had a headache or tummy ache on the first day of school or before a test. I gradually learned that this meant he was anxious or nervous.
My eldest son expresses nervousness or anxiety differently. He plays baseball and doesn’t like showing vulnerability of any kind. So to hide his feelings, he often gets defensive when I ask him how he feels about an upcoming game.
My sons both feel more comfortable expressing their feelings if we chat while doing something else. I’ve learned to have conversations with them while working on the car or doing some DIY projects together. This way they don’t feel pressured so they can relax and open up.
Helping My Boys To Express Themselves
After figuring out how to read their emotions, the next step was helping my boys learn to handle and express their feelings in healthy ways. Here are some of the things I’ve done:
1. Setting a good example. Kids always look to their parents for cues on how to behave and my sons are no different. With this in mind, I tried to set an example worth emulating. I started by getting comfortable talking about what I felt and becoming a more expressive person. Once my boys saw that I wasn’t afraid to share my feelings they started to open up a lot more.
2. Providing a safe environment at home. With society doing its best to convince my sons to bury their emotions, I knew they needed a place where they feel safe being themselves. At home, my boys know that they are free to explore and discover their varying emotions. I don’t tell them what they’re supposed to feel but I instead provide lots of opportunities for them to grow emotionally.
3. Listening to them. In addition to encouraging my sons to express their emotions, I have learned to listen to them even if I don’t agree with what they’re saying. I try not to judge or invalidate their feelings and instead offer support and room for them to vent.
4. Setting boundaries. Although my boys are free to embrace and express all their feelings, I’ve made sure that they understand the difference between feelings and behavior. They know that they’re responsible for their actions and they can choose how to respond to their emotions. So while feeling angry and upset is okay, they know they’re not allowed to hit or lash out at others because of those feelings.
The outside world is trying its best to toughen up my sons. I hope that setting them a good example and showing them that it’s okay for a man to talk about and show emotions will, in turn, help them be more comfortable sharing and expressing their own feelings.
Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.
One of the joys of a family vacation or special day like a trip to Disneyland is capturing sweet moments photos you can savor for years to come. Of course, getting your kids to cooperate with taking pictures isn’t always easy. Fox shared a rare photo of the couple’s three sons Noah Shannon, seven, Bodhi Ransom, five and Journey River, three to Instagram and the result is a pic we can all relate to.
“Halloween at @disneyland is always the most fun but can I get ONE family photo where everyone is looking at the camera and making a semi normal face ?? #disneyland,” Fox captioned the pictures and all parents of young kids can relate.
You can’t win them all, but at least they managed to get a photo with everyone in it. That in itself can be a miraculous feat.
