Busy school night? Pizza. Tired and don’t want to cook? Pizza. Have a major craving? PIZZA.
Because of American’s all-out love affair with the savory pie, Expensivity.com decided to find out the average price of cheese/plain and pepperoni pizza across the the United States to give hungry folks all the info they need to satisfy their cravings. Researchers not only discovered the cheapest pizza around, but they also found the average price by city and the density of pizzerias per person!
photo: Expensivity.com
Some of the key findings were that the cheapest cheese pizza can be found in North Dakota and will only set you back $6.64. On the opposite end of the spectrum, a cheese pizza in Alaska means you’ll be forking over $9.21 per pie.
If you want to head to the city with the cheapest pizza, make a trip to Virginia Beach, or check out Rhode Island, the state with the most pizzerias per person!
If you fancy pepperoni, Expensivity also found that Utah has the cheapest at $6.49, while Oklahoma is going to wreck your budget at $15.56 for one pizza! Want to scarf down more deets on the U.S. Pizza Index? Head to Expensivity.com.
Having built a toy company over three decades with my best friend and husband, Doug, and experiencing the joy of unleashing the imaginations of children through open-ended play, most would think that my life was all fun and games. After all, we had achieved the very definition of “The American Dream” with every shiny bauble to show for it. And along the way, Doug and I also created six beautiful children who were the very essence of the boisterous family I had always imagined. I had absolutely no reason to be unhappy, I truly had it all.
But the truth was, that for as long as I could remember, I suffered a crisis of meaning that I learned to hide from the world. This sense of futility was so overwhelming, that the only way I could survive was by disassociating from all feelings and denying who I was. And since I would never fit in as myself, I turned to validation through achieving academic perfection to attain the acceptance I so deeply craved. I became who I thought the world wanted me to be to the point where I didn’t even know who I truly was.
As I reached middle age, I finally learned that my lifelong anguish had a name: existential depression. And furthermore, those experiencing existential depression were often highly creative and had intense levels of reactivity in their central nervous systems called over-excitabilities. And this realization was life-changing, because for the first time in my life, I saw I wasn’t alone and there were actually others just like me. I knew that the only way I would access peace was to stop racing outside myself for answers and embark on a journey inward to self-acceptance. That journey was so profound and revelatory, that I knew my purpose was to help others find their pathways out of despair in transforming darkness into light. Here are some of the steps that brought me to writing my memoir LifeLines: An Inspirational Journey from Profound Darkness to Radiant Light, and creating our LifeLines ecosystem to offer community and impactful content to others!
1. Embrace Yourself in Totality
Society tells us to dry our tears and “be strong.” But when we do, we are denying who we are and what we feel. And that prevents us from living authentically. Once we come to see that this facade we adopt ultimately leaves us bereft and bitter, we begin to shed that pretension and access the space necessary to truly grow.
2. Accept That We All Need Lifelines
Once I completed my journey and accepted myself in totality, I realized that every day wouldn’t be an easy ride. In fact, many days would be on the dark side of the emotional spectrum! I, therefore, needed a practice to keep me “safe and sane” when I began to plunge below the line of equanimity.
3. Lifelines Are Essential in Three Different Areas
My personal practice of engaging LifeLines involved three distinct areas: self-care, tools, and passions/play. Self-care LifeLines involve the deliberate intention to take care of our minds and bodies. These may seem obvious to many, but for me required making a choice every single day to stay strong. They include eating nourishing food, sleeping 7 hours a night, and exercising in nature. Tools for me include reciting mantras, going to therapy, being mindful in everything I do, and offering myself compassion when my head starts to berate me. The activities and hobbies that bring us joy are the essence of life and move us squarely into our hearts. For me they include writing verses, crafting, photographing nature, listening to music, and drinking tea.
4. Engage in a Deliberate Practice
Just like a diabetic takes insulin to remain healthy, I must also commit to engaging my LifeLines each and every day to remain steadfast. And that means EVERY SINGLE DAY. If we don’t have our practice fully honed during our more contented times, then it won’t be routine when the journey becomes arduous. A practice MUST be practiced no matter the weather, your mood or your circumstances.
5. Find a Community That Supports You
We created LifeLines.com to build a community showing others that “they are not alone.” When we construct a supportive structure around us, we are better able to shine our light and live authentically. We learn from others’ experiences, embrace our uniqueness, and develop the tenacity to keep forging ahead when life throws us curveballs. The community we have forged has already become a lifeline to so many, including me. I am so grateful to have discovered no higher purpose than supporting others to channel their darkness into light and find meaning. And the more our community can help others heal themselves and share their truth, then the more they will do the same for others and make this world a more loving place.
Melissa Bernstein, Co-Founder of Melissa & Doug Toys and mother of six, shared her lifelong battle with existential depression and anxiety in her memoir, LifeLines. She and her husband Doug have developed LifeLines.com, a digital ecosystem to support others on their own inward journeys. Melissa lives in Connecticut with Doug and their children.
If there’s one thing every parent on the planet wants, it’s to protect their child. YouTuber Mark Rober is no different.
The former NASA and Apple engineer recently took to his channel to share a special video, and it’s all about his son. Rober is known for keeping his family life private, but in this newest upload, he shares that his son is autistic.
Rober shares in the commentary that he actually filmed the video two years ago, but only just released it now as he finally feels comfortable. His eloquent, succinct and loving descriptions of Autism and how it makes his son as special as he is in enough to make you reach for the tissue box.
In addition to the revelation, Rober is also teaming up with Jimmy Kimmel for a special virtual event that will benefit NEXT for Autism. The unique program creates opportunities for adults on the spectrum so they “can live, work and be a part of their communities so they are not left to live lives in isolation.”
Color the Spectrum will take place on Apr. 30 at 4:30 p.m. PST on YouTube. You can expect to see plenty of stars join in on this very special program including Andy Samberg, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Conan O’Brien, Miranda Sings, iJustine, Jack Black, Jacksepticeye, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Karl Jacobs, Marques Brownlee, Maya Rudolph, Mark Hamill, MrBeast, Paul Rudd, Rhett & Link, Sarah Silverman, Stephen Colbert, Terry Crews, Vsauce, Zach Galifianakis and more.
The month of April is notoriously known for bringing awareness to autism. I am a huge proponent of using this monthly platform to educate about the sad realities for autistic adults and the overwhelming need for autism acceptance and inclusion.
All parents have hopes and dreams for their children. My plans and expectations for Skyler’s life began before he was even born.
Would he be a star athlete, high achieving student always on the honor roll, musically inclined, or even better, an exceptional friend to everyone he meets.
Of course, I daydreamed about Skyler’s career path too. Perhaps he’d love the law like his mother and become an attorney. Maybe he’d find true joy being an engineer, doctor, contractor or salesman.
As his name reveals, and I’d always say, “Sky’s the limit for my boy.”
Six months into parenting, assuming I was nailing it like a pro, imagine the shock and confusion I felt hearing that my beautiful son had autism.
Immediately following the diagnosis, I received very limited information because “much is still unknown about the cause, treatment options, financial support available and future prognosis for those with ASD.” Not to mention, each child with autism is completely unique, so each family will travel a different path along their journey.
As I was sent on my way with a few generic pamphlets and a bill for the office visit, I was forced to dramatically shift from everything I thought I knew about parenting and had to accept my new reality.
I thought, “He’s only three. If I remain steadfast on getting him into every therapy and early intervention I can find, surely, he will be afforded every chance to experience the same things as his peers when the time comes—employment, self-advocacy and independent living.”
I knew autism would impact the pace of his development but never did I give up on preparing Skyler for the incredible future that he deserved.
I always assumed I had plenty of time.
And just like that, in the blink of an eye, Skyler turns 18-years-old next week. Believe me, when I tell you, I’m still in complete disbelief. I’m not ready…I need more time.
I desperately try not to dwell on the harsh realities of life for a non-verbal, severely autistic adult. I always assumed that, by the time Skyler was an adult, things would have drastically improved.
Sadly, the old stigmas still exist.
It’s often assumed that upon turning the page from childhood to adulthood, all learning potential has stopped and therefore, the need for continued support, programs, funding and educational resources is a moot point.
Autism is not something a person outgrows nor is there a magic age where new skills and progress are no longer achievable.
Acceptance and coming to terms with an uncertain adult future for Skyler has remained the hardest concept for me to grasp and keeps me awake at night.
The fact is, not all autistic adults are alike. Some talk, some don’t. Some drive, some don’t. Some can advocate for themselves, others cannot.
As Skyler officially becomes an adult, I feel as though I’m back in that medical office receiving a second autism diagnosis—but this time, there’s not a single pamphlet on how to navigate adulthood within a system that’s broken. I’m frightened and angrier knowing that Skyler is now among the older autistic population that is forgotten about and disregarded.
According to the CDC, as of April 2020, an estimated 5.4 million adults in the United States have autism.
Sadly, the federal requirement for providing supportive services in adulthood does not exist! The avoidance and refusal to address this issue, at both state and federal levels, which affects a rapidly growing population of adults on the spectrum, is a travesty.
For families like mine, who support a loved one with autism, our daily fight advocating for services, resources and equality lasts for the entirety of our child’s life and likely beyond my own lifetime.
While I appreciate the demonstration of solidarity as the world “lights up blue” on Apr. 2nd for World Autism Awareness Day, I can’t help but think, what we truly need instead is acknowledgment that the opportunities for our adults on the spectrum to thrive in this country are lacking and we need action taken.
It’s critical that entire communities everywhere stand together and demand assistance, support and change for all autistics—not just for those under the age of 21.
Clearly, this rapid increase in newly diagnosed children also translates into a growing adult autistic population.
Therefore, the goal for Autism Acceptance Month should be twofold:
1. To further increase understanding and awareness about autism signs and symptoms.
2. Invest time, energy and funding toward creating community partnerships with businesses and organizations dedicated to building inclusive experiences for all age groups.
So, I encourage you to join me, not just for the month of April but year-round, to #CelebrateDifferences. Let’s use our voices to generate change.
Whether you’re fully vegan, looking to go vegan or you simply want to bring more plant-based foods into your household, finding creative ways to incorporate a few more plant-based options into your home is never a bad idea. From saving money to helping the environment, and of course, helping your family get even healthier than you already are, plant-based foods are often crucial to your diet and wellness—even if you don’t realize it at first. So many healthy foods are already plant-based, and even more, can be easily vegan-ized to your liking.
Even so, it can be difficult to get people on board sometimes—both kids and adults alike. People can be stuck in their ways and unwilling to try new things, but that doesn’t mean vegan-izing things is a completely lost cause. In fact, providing vegan options and feeding your family a few more plant-based meals can actually be easier than you realize. All you need to do is find what works for you and your family and take things one step at a time.
1. Stick to the Basics
One thing many people don’t realize is that there are so many foods that are already vegan or “accidentally” vegan. From pasta recipes to salads, there are so many foods that are already vegan, and leaning into those options can give you a bit of an easier time, both for yourself and the rest of your family.
2. Vegan-ize Old Favorites
If your family has a few non-vegan staples, another option you can try is making plant-based versions of them and seeing how they do. If there’s one thing that many people have learned in recent years, it’s that anything can be vegan-ized. Whether it’s chicken nuggets, decadent mac and cheese or chocolate chip cookies. You may not even want to mention that it’s vegan until after the family has tried it. That way, they can get used to it and see if they like it without any judgment.
3. Make a Vegan Base
Another great way to ease in more plant-based foods is to start with a base dish that you can add different proteins, toppings, and condiments to based on everyone’s taste. You can start by making a list of plant foods that everyone enjoys, so you know you’re starting off with a crowd-pleaser.
4. Promote General Health
Another way to get older kids and partners in particular on board is to simply discuss the health benefits of a plant-based lifestyle openly and honestly. Talk about how healthy plant foods are and how it’s important to eat fruits and vegetables regularly. While it might not feel like the first way you’d get your family on board, you might surprise yourself, especially if they tend to notice feeling better after eating plant-based. Even if it isn’t all gung-ho at first, it might just get people part of the way there.
5. “I Do the Cooking”
This one might be a bit controversial. While many parents subscribe to the idea that you should ask your kids what they want for dinner and that what you make is a family discussion, there is a time and a place to lay down the law. Simply put, stating that when you do the cooking, they can eat what you make or find somewhere else to get their food might be what it takes to start everyone off on the plant-based bandwagon.
6. Don’t Forget Snacks
While meals are the main event, snacks also play an important role in the way we eat. When you bring plant-based snacks into your home like fruits, trail mixes, hummus, and much more, your family may naturally discover vegan foods that they like, making meals easier to prep for. Try to go for a wide variety of snack foods, perhaps changing things up every few weeks to introduce new flavors and foods.
7. Try Out New Recipes
Going to the opposite end of the spectrum from some of the earlier tips, if your family tends to be the kind of people who love to experiment with different kinds of foods and dishes from all around the world, bringing a bit of plant-based adventure into your house could capture some interest. Experiment with different recipes—bring in some Thai, Mexican, Indian or Italian food and see what your family falls in love with. You might just encounter a new staple that your family will associate with plant-based food.
Feeding Your Family More Plant-Based Meals
Getting your family to eat more plant-based foods might seem difficult, but it’s absolutely possible and worth it. All it takes is a bit of creativity and resourcefulness. Whether you vegan-ize old family favorites or you try out brand new cuisines together, there is so much that plant-based foods have to offer. What’s your favorite plant-based dish?
Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine. A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures. She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time.
su·per·he·ro /ˈso͞opərˌhirō/ noun A benevolent fictional character with superhuman powers, such as Superman
The word Superhero is a common word used in our house these days. My son has developed a love and often fixates on “superheroes” from Batman, Green Lantern, Spider-Man, Captain America, and more. And for those of you with loved one’s on the spectrum, you understand when I say that love runs deep!
He often needs his superheroes as a token during transitional times… from the house to the car…from the car to school. Bedtime sometimes isn’t a reality until LEGO Batman has been found and is safely in his hands, tucked into bed with him. I looked at the definition of “superhero” and I got caught on one word, “fictional.”
In my son’s world, superhero’s aren’t fictional. They are very much a living, breathing part of his reality. So much so, that the absence of them can send our world spinning. Their very presence can make a stressful situation of transition easier and in the same breath, with one quick flip, they can add more stress with their absence. And at the moment, there is nothing fictional about our present reality and daily struggles with autism. Calm to upset…happy to sad..content to active.
But, I can’t help but think to myself “How does this superhuman navigate all these emotions and still smile at my silly jokes?” Still willing to trust me when I get frustrated and raise my voice in the midst of a meltdown? Still continue to wake up with a clean slate, ready to love and start the day, no matter how traumatic bedtime was the night before?
And then I go back to that word, “fictional.” Because now I realize superheroes aren’t just a reality in his world, they are a reality in mine as well. In my world, there lives the strongest, most benevolent superhero of all. He embodies all the characteristics of what describes a superhero—brave, strong, resilient, and admirable. He is someone I look up to every day. He inspires me more than any other person in the world. He is superhuman. And most importantly, no part of him or autism ever has or ever will be viewed as fictional. I have a real-life superhero in our house and he goes by the name, Murphy. And he has already saved me in so many ways.
Shannon is a proud boy mom, Hairstylist, and passionate Autism Advocate. She lives in New Orleans, Louisiana with her two sons Murphy (5) and Merrick (2). Murphy was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. Follow her family as they journey through Autism together on Adventures in Autism with Murphy Facebook and Instagram page.
Have you ever purchased a very challenging jigsaw puzzle just for the sheer joy and feeling of accomplishment you’ll get once you’ve successfully assembled it? The larger the number of pieces the better right?
As I stare at those 5,000 pieces dumped onto my countertop and begin sorting and flipping them over, it becomes overwhelming that each individual piece doesn’t tell me anything about the completed picture.
Where do I start? Is the best method for success gathering the corner and edge pieces to form an outline or should I begin dead center and work my way out? It’s hard to comprehend how those thousands of random shapes will fit together to reveal something unique and beautiful—but it always does.
The Autism Puzzle
To me, parenting a child on the autism spectrum resembles that same overwhelming feeling of uncertainty and chaos of scattered puzzle pieces everywhere—which is ironic because the puzzle piece is one of the internationally recognized symbols of autism.
Not knowing where to begin when you can’t easily link together the ‘normal’ pieces of development because those milestones are delayed. You begin to question every intuition and gut feeling you have.
Maybe I’m overreacting.
I’ve gone through the ‘autism characteristics’ checklist and can’t confidently say that’s what I’m seeing.
Our pediatrician doesn’t seem concerned.
Traditionally, parents wait lengthy periods of time for a specialist to shed some light as to what is specifically wrong with their child. We waited over a year.
As our coveted appointment finally arrived, I was cautiously optimistic but ultimately ill-prepared for the matter of fact, uncaring tone by which the autism diagnosis was doled out.
Like rapid-fire, I was told ‘severe autism’ and ushered out of the office with nothing more than a label, an infinite number of unanswered questions, and a grim prognosis for the future.
I know children don’t come with instructions; however, autism families deserve a pamphlet at the very least as minimal preparation for the many challenges that come with raising a child on the spectrum. I would’ve done cartwheels had someone outlined some of the most impactful behavior calming tips, tricks for introducing new foods, or strategies to encourage communication!
Forging Our Own Communication Path
It’s through observation, mimicking, and basic instinct that most children will learn to utter new words and phrases, yet my son lacks those innate capabilities.
Since the well-paved path to a tried-and-true communication plan was (and still is) non-existent, I read every book, tried every therapy, and invested in each method of intervention available back in 2006 with the sole focus on finding my son’s voice.
Sadly, one medical ‘breakthrough’ after another, touting unrealistic promises and guarantees for success, exploited my desperation and left me emotionally and physically devastated.
Then one day it hit me hard. Is the only form of acceptable communication the spoken word? The answer is a hard NO!
He’s already worked extremely hard to be part of a world that makes no sense to him—one that often misunderstands and judges him unfairly, so why would I spend another minute trying to cram his perfectly created individual piece of society into a neurotypical puzzle that he doesn’t fit into?
I need to meet him where he is and learn from his cues. My son was communicating with me with his hands and eyes and has been extremely patient while waiting for me to take notice.
Trust the Process
It has taken years, 16 to be exact, for me to fully appreciate the beauty and lessons found in the differences between my son and his neurotypical peers.
While autism presents like a puzzle, my amazing and intriguing experience has come from learning to help my son assemble his unique pieces in a timeframe and process determined by him. I recognize that his puzzle may take longer to construct, but I will no longer force pieces together that just don’t fit.
Only then can I fully see the masterpiece of him—what he thinks, believes, and enjoys. A unique puzzle unlike anyone else’s in the world.
Life Lessons from a Jigsaw Puzzle
Throughout our life, we are presented with daily opportunities to gather more pieces to contribute to our own individual puzzle. We have no idea how our experiences today are going to mold us and shape us to fit into our completed lifetime picture.
Being autistic does not devalue or diminish my son’s contributions to this world.
We don’t all have to be the same—where we look, walk, talk, think and learn similarly. Of those 5,000 pieces scattered across my countertop, not one is identical but they work together to make the completed product that much more spectacular.
What an incredible feeling of satisfaction when the pieces perfectly slide together—just as they were meant to all along.
Most days you can find me somewhere in the middle of hope at the intersection of not knowing what I’m doing nor where I’m going. This is the life I’ve grown accustomed to—the autism life.
Covid-19 isn’t my first “new normal.” Receiving an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis for my son three years ago was.
In an instant, our priorities and responsibilities changed, and our entire world as we knew it was rocked by autism. My son Stalen was diagnosed on the spectrum at twenty-one months. He is considered non-verbal. Today, he is a handsome, loving, and all-around amazing five-year-old. I can’t begin to try to put into words the love I have for him.
He is my world.
So, here I am three years into this journey with him and I still struggle.
Some days, things fall into place and I breathe easy as if someone handed me a GPS, I have a full tank of gas and I know exactly where I’m heading and how to get there. I’m confident and I can even push my luck and turn on cruise control. But then, out of nowhere, a freaking detour. No idea where I’m going, I’ve never been down this road before.
I’m feeling anxious and uncertain, the gas light is on and I’m certain I’m completely lost. I’m a total mess!
But there it is, that familiar voice of hope in my head, giving me direction, a chance to catch my breath, guiding me and propelling me forward with the promise of better days and the desire to be braver as I try again.
You know that voice…..
The one you hear every time you’re lost.
The one you hear at three a.m. when you’re beyond exhausted and your child is awake, ready for the day and demanding chocolate milk and chicken nuggets.
The voice that attempts to calm your anxiety on your way to another appointment, or after a bad day.
The voice that tells you that it won’t always be like this.
The voice that tells you that tomorrow will be better.
The voice that tells you that you can do hard things.
The voice that tells you to wipe your tears and try again.
The voice that encourages you to go all-in when you’re all out.
And just when you think that voice is gone, when you think “I’m done”, “I can’t do this” it creeps up in photos of better times in your Facebook memories or in the comforting, encouraging words of friends on similar journeys.
It’s hidden in the comforting smile of a stranger when your child is in a full-blown public meltdown.
It dwells deep within your tribe of supporters and encouragers. It is tightly wrapped around the words, “I get it” and “I understand” or “how can I help?”
Hope always finds a way.
It’s in the actions of neighbors who turn their Christmas lights on in July because your child loves them or it shines brightly in the form of “happy packages” left on your front step to cheer up your son.
It’s the voice of your child saying “Mama” for the first time or even when he says “bum.”
It’s even hidden amongst the smiles and gasps when you present him with new shoes.
Yes, the bad times are really bad.
But, the hope that sneaks through during those times when you are forced out of desperation to look for it, is so much better.
Hope is the air we breathe during survival mode.
It is the diamond in the rough.
Autism has taught me to find, search, appreciate, fight for, and to hold on to hope like no other experience or situation in my life.
The progress, the memories, the firsts, the moments that you never thought would happen but they did, the sleepless nights you lived to tell about, the kindness, love, and acceptance of family, friends, and strangers.
Just like we need to find the joy, we also need to harness the hope.
So, now when I find myself at that freaking detour sign, I have no idea where I am or what I’m doing…I do know I will find my way back somewhere in the middle of hope.
I am a proud wife, ASD Mom, Step-Mom. At 21 months, my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He is 5 years old and non-verbal. I have become a full-time stay-at-home mom. I am 1000% focused on raising autism awareness and helping my son live a full and fun life.
This past year has been the hardest yet for our family of three. No secret to the masses, this worldwide pandemic has been an intense, devastating wave. It has caused stress (like for millions of others) financially, as we rely on just one income. It has caused anxiety, and frustration and the feeling of loneliness. The feeling of being trapped and secluded. And it has caused the world death, and despair and heartache. We all know someone who has been affected, in one fashion or another.
But when you think of who has been hit the hardest, for many, special needs children are nowhere on that radar. I feel it impossible to describe the emotion behind watching your child be seemingly forgotten. Day in and day out in the last ten plus months, I have watched my child slowly regress. Autism winning, taking hold of his world, and ours, with no way to stop it. This grows apparent with every skill that has been lost and had to be relearned from previous years; things like simply staying seated, or throwing things away properly.
We have seen more compulsive behaviors like hoarding and hiding items (of no known rhyme or reason) under beds, and couches, and in drawers. We’ve witnessed it in sleep, as Beckett seems to need/get fewer and fewer hours of rest in, with each month that passes. We see this in every meltdown induced by simply having to leave our home (for any reason). Many days, Beckett does not want to be away from his safe space. His bubble. And every red light, every turn, every stop causes a tense meltdown.
And on that same token, visitors, family, they are no longer “welcomed” in our home with his sweet smile and overjoyed personality. But rather, with tears, and frustration, and hands leading them back to the front door, in an attempt to get them to leave. It’s evident in meals, as Beckett’s food list grows smaller yet, though we have tried hard to push new things. There is just too much “new” occurring for him in the day-to-day. And all the while, I still have to keep up that same previous, consistent fight, for him to be truly seen.
There are no specific protocols put in place for children like mine, on the spectrum, and with various other special needs. There is no change made just for them, to keep them excelling, or even just to keep them from backpedaling. Nothing to keep them grounded, in a world turned upside down. Where is their assistance when schools and centers close their doors? Where are they to put their trust, when instructors leave them to their devices, to attempt to learn “like everyone else”?
My son’s mind craves stability and schedules. His body needs consistency and routine. While all the world is going on to “Plan B” with online educating, and rotating schedules, children just like mine are forgotten in the shadows. Forced to magically transform, or “sit tight” and ride out the storm. How is my son to survive a world in crisis, implementing the very structures that push every “fight or flight” mode in his body?
With all my might, I will push to be the brightest beaming lighthouse he needs, to navigate this life, but I am just one light in this dark, wide ocean.
BriAnna is a stay-at-home mom to her Disney loving, son Beckett (5), and wife to her Navy Veteran husband, Cameron. Beckett is Autistic and non-verbal, so BriAnna created her page, "To Infinity & Beyond Words" to shine a light of love on their world of special needs.
Their family of three call Nebraska home, and call themselves blessed.
Editor’s Note: Here at Red Tricycle, we respect and celebrate every mom’s feeding journey. Bottle? Boob? It doesn’t matter—we believe fed is best. Our Spoke Contributor Network is inclusive and open to all parenting journeys—yours, too!
Neither of my breastfeeding experiences went exactly as planned. The first time around, I had no reason to think that I wouldn’t have a full milk supply. I read all the books, I took the class, I even researched what to do if my baby had a tongue-tie, since I knew that ties ran on my husband’s side of the family.
Not once had anyone told me that it might not be possible to make a full supply. I hadn’t seen the signs, because I didn’t know to look for them. I assumed that I would be capable of exclusively breastfeeding, and even had fantasies about making so much that I could donate milk to moms in need.
Surprise! My body had different plans for me. I didn’t know that when my breasts had developed as a teenager, they developed with an under-researched and widely misunderstood deformation called hypoplasia. I always knew they were what I would describe as “weird,” but I had no idea there was a name for their uniqueness.
Hypoplasia is associated with its sister diagnosis, Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT). The constricted formation of the breasts that occurs with hypoplasia can cause the glands to become underdeveloped. Hormonal or environmental disruptions during any of the four stages of breast development can cause it. This often equals less milk, but not in every case.
There are many other physiologic factors that can result in low supply, many of which are common for those with hypoplasia, such as thyroid dysfunction, insulin resistance, PCOS, and low prolactin levels. For me, the boxes that I checked (determined by bloodwork or visual assessment) were hypoplasia, hypothyroidism, and insulin resistance. You can see how it was the perfect cocktail for low supply, and how complicated it can be to diagnose the underlying problem(s). It’s largely a process of elimination.
Perpetuating the myth that every biological female is capable of breastfeeding does more harm than good. The above hormonal health issues are not uncommon amongst women of reproductive age. In the low supply community, there is an overarching frustration that, despite all the breastfeeding preparation we go through, not once did anyone ever tell us that it may not be possible to have a full supply.
I’m also a doula, and there’s not much awareness in the birth sphere about physiologic reasons for low milk supply. Moms who experience low supply are usually treated as if they are capable of having a full supply—there’s just something that they’re doing wrong. Just take some fenugreek, eat some oatmeal, and nurse on-demand.
The implication of this one-size-fits-all treatment of low-suppliers is a real shame because these moms don’t get the help they need and may walk away from breastfeeding feeling like a failure. It’s common to internalize the experience, with thoughts like, “What kind of a mother am I if I can’t even feed my own child?”
Last year during World Breastfeeding Week, I shared a bit about my personal story with having a low supply on my Facebook page. A well-meaning doula friend launched into “Well, did you try this?” Yes. Yes, I did. “How about this?” Yes. “Well usually when you do it this way, then this happens…” And so forth. I eventually just stopped replying, painful thoughts bubbling to the surface even though I hadn’t attempted to breastfeed in a year.
If you’re currently struggling with low supply, just know that it’s not always just a supply and demand problem. Seek help from a breastfeeding consultant, and shop around for one that specializes in low supply. There is a wide spectrum of the amount of understanding about the topic even among breastfeeding professionals.
And if you know someone currently in the trenches, please support their efforts and tell them that they’re a good mom, and the size of their supply doesn’t equal the size of their love for their baby. And for goodness sake, whatever you do, don’t shame them for supplementing. Babies have to eat, whether it be their mother’s milk, another mother’s milk, or formula. Remember, the size of your supply does not determine your worth as a mother. Everyone’s journey is different, and every drop counts.
Monet Florence Combs CD(DONA) is a mom of two tiny humans and motherhood transition coach who is obsessed with helping improve maternal mental health by teaching new moms how to reprogram their beliefs on her podcast, Birth of a Mother.
