We spend most of our children’s lives telling them not to take anything from strangers and definitely do not go to their homes. Except once a year when it becomes totally okay to do those two activities.
That time comes every October 31, greeted by delight by some and eye rolls. When that day comes around, we encourage our children to ring on the doorbells of total strangers and threaten them with a trick if they do not hand over a miniature piece of candy. In an overpriced costume they will wear once. At night. Past their bedtime.
Now I’m not some curmudgeon opposed to candy, costumes, and fun. I personally love that I can make up how many fun-sized Snickers bars add up to one regular sized one (my guess is 27) and delight in hearing the squeals of delight when I pretend that I see a real life (albeit miniature) Jedi standing at my front door. It is great to exchange hellos with the people in my neighborhood and to watch their kids grow up.
And of course, it’s wonderful to see my daughter and her friends show off their costumes and compare their hauls of candy. But there is that part of me that wonders what they must think that one night when the basic rules of stranger danger seem not to apply. Most likely they do not even give it a second thought. I know I didn’t when I was a kid.
Catherine lives with her husband, two daughters, and rescue dog. She can usually be found reading, compulsively volunteering at her daughters' schools, or glaring at an ever growing mountain of laundry.
7 Reasons Why You Should Never Reveal Your Baby’s Name Choice
We’ve all been there…that exciting moment when you and your spouse finally determine what your babies name will be. Perhaps you have a few options, maybe a boy version and a girl version. The name is occupying your thoughts and you have this secret that just seems too good to keep between the two of you.
It all starts out innocently enough. You are at a gathering, and several months pregnant. Someone will ask you the standard pleasantries… “You look great how do you feel? Do you have any morning sickness? Boy or Girl? Have you picked out a name?” The logical part of you quickly sends a signal to your brain saying “Don’t tell anyone this name we picked out. Nothing good will come of it. Keep it a secret as long as you can. Come on it’s only a few more months!!” And just like out of a cartoon where you have a devil and angel on each shoulder that other more emotional, do-it-if-it-feels-good portion of your brain says “YES! Tell them! You love that name and should feel so proud of what you came up with. It’s the best name ever and who wants a secret anyway. Besides its perfect they will love it!! Do it! Tell them!”
I am here to tell you why keeping that name a secret for just a few months longer is always the best option. I had a friend who had 10 sisters and female cousins in her age range growing up and in order to make sure no one ‘stole’ a baby name each Christmas they would be allowed two names that they could save. They would put the names down on a piece of paper, read them out loud to the group, and then put them in a safe. Once the name had been written down it was yours. I’m not saying you need a vault but hear me out as to why it may be better to keep this wonderful news to yourself.
1. It’s a fun secret to keep with just you and your spouse: It can be a thing just for the two of you. While everyone else is calling your baby “Baby XYZ” or “the little one” the two of you can rush home after a night with friends and say the name over and over. You can tease each other when one of you almost slips up and refers to the baby by their name, correcting yourself quickly (my husband did this several times and I was always impressed at how fast he recovered).
2. Nobody will ever love it as much as you do: Let’s face it, unless the person you are telling the name to has THAT EXACT NAME they will never love it as much as you do. And why would they? It’s not their baby, it’s not their name choice. They will like it of course, but it will never be the response you want which I imagine if you are like me at all sounds something like “OH MY GOSH THAT IS THE MOST PERFECT NAME I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU HAVE STRUCK THE BALANCE BETWEEN CLASSIC AND MODERN, WHIMSICAL AND SERIOUS, CUTE AND CLEVER. THIS NAME SURELY WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY”. Yeah that won’t happen.
3. Everyone will ask if you named baby after most famous person with that name: You know this drill. You’ve likely pulled it on many of your friends and co-workers and probably didn’t realize you were doing it. It goes a little something like this.
Person 1: We are naming our baby Brad. Person 2: Oh like Brad Pitt? Person 1: No Brad is my husband’s middle name.
Or this…
Person 1: We are naming our baby Celine. Person 2: Celine… after Celine Dion? Person 1: No, Celine is Latin for “Heaven”. Person 2: Oh Ok.
4. You will learn the weirdest person someone knows with same name: Now I am guilty of this time and time again, even if I don’t say it out loud. But I know many people who do. Here is how it goes: “Oh you are going to name the baby Patrick? <Long Pause>. I knew a Patrick in elementary school. He used to eat my glue”. The *only* time this strategy pays off is if you happen to know the coolest person the person you are telling ever knew, and if your baby shares that same name. That likely won’t happen. It will always be a glue-eaters name.
5. They might take the name for themselves: I know this probably won’t happen. People are good and know how important naming will be. But you do run the risk if you tell of THINKING they stole the name. Likely they already had it chosen for their future child and when you spilled the beans they didn’t want to rain on your parade saying “That’s going to be our baby name too in the distant future! Our kids will be twinsies and now will both get to go thru life putting their last name initial after their first name from now until senior year”. Nope. They won’t say that. And then in 5 years when you have long moved away or switched jobs you will be trolling on Facebook and will see that “Oh my gosh they copied my name”. Not worth it.
6. Once baby is born people can’t object or give other suggestions: When a baby is born they more or less lock in the name. Even if it’s a terrible name, or the glue eaters name outsiders will simply look at that beautiful baby, hear the name and say “I love it. It’s perfect”. Bingo.
7. So few surprises in life keep this as long as you can: In today’s society everyone wants information all the time regardless of how relevant it is. People love a spoiler. I’ve clicked on articles with the headlines “You won’t believe what happened on last night’s episode of Game of Thrones- Spoilers Ahead” and I don’t even watch that show! I just love a good spoil. Your friends and family, no matter how much they beg to hear that name, will be delighted when the baby is born and they get to hear the unveiling of the name. It’s very royal family. And everyone loves a well-kept surprise.
Once your little bundle arrives, be sure to capture all the sweetest moments—and share them with your family and friends near and far—with the Tinybeans app. The secure platform puts parents in total control of who sees and interacts with photos and videos of their kids.
Janelle is a Pacific Northwest native who escaped the rain and now resides in the Bay Area with her husband and their two sons. A tech industry leader by day and a craft mommy reheating up leftovers by night, just balancing a house of cards as best as she can.
The East Family is expecting Baby Number Two! Shawn Johnson East & Andrew East announced the exciting news this morning. From the moment Shawn found out to telling Andrew, all while finding out that Andrew tested positive for COVID as they were celebrating the news, the couple shared their journey on their YouTube channel.
The couple also shared the big news on their Instagram accounts, both using the caption, “Here we go again.”
If there’s anything we deserve after the year we’ve had, it’s more donuts. So yes, we’re telling you it’s totally okay to make the start of the new year a sweet one, and Krispy Kreme is offering an epic deal just for you. Keep reading to find out more.
Krispy Kreme
As a big thank you to customers for supporting the brand in 2020, the cult donut brand is offering an epic “Four Days of Glaze” deal—from Dec. 31-Jan 3., you can snag two dozen Original Glazed® donuts for just $12. This deal is available via pickup, drive-thru and in-store at participating Krispy Kreme locations across the country, and guests can purchase up to two boxes a day. Head over to KrispyKreme.com to find a participating location near you.
Like many of us Jenny Slate has honed in on her baking skills during quarantine. Along with bread she also has another type of bun in the oven. Last night on Late Night with Seth Meyers Slate announced she was expecting her first child with fiancé Ben Shattuck.
After telling Meyers she may have overdid eating bread she stood up to show off her growing baby bump.
“That’s a lot of carbs,” joked Meyers.
When asked how quarantine has been Slate said, “How have the exact last nine months been? They’ve been real pregnant for me!”
She is also enjoying having something positive in her life during this very hard and sad time. “It’s nice to have a little secret treasure,” Slate said. “I’ve basically been just chilling out, doing exactly what I wanted to do, not having to see anyone or having to figure out how to gracefully wear pants. I haven’t worn pants in many moons.”
Slate has been spending an hour a day practicing hypnobirthing meditation to get ready for the big day.
“Everything is weird. This isn’t what I thought I would be doing,” she said. “But I do all the birth prep stuff and I really like it.”
It’s hard to break the news that you won’t be home for the holidays this year. According to a recent study by Hotwire 80% of Americans are planning on altering or cancelling their holiday travel plans. The online travel site wants to do something to help make things up to your loved ones who will be missing you this year.
Telling your mom that you won’t be making the trek home has to be one of the hardest parts cancelling your travel plans. Nearly one in three of Americans dread breaking the news to loved ones, with 28% noting they’re procrastinating picking up the phone as long as possible, at least until mid-December.
Hotwire is launching its “Happy Next Holiday” generator and giveaway, to take some of the pressure off letting your loved ones know you can’t travel home this year. To make it up to them, the travel brand is giving one participant the ultimate “IOU” trip worth $25,000 for the whole family to enjoy when they’re ready to reunite and get back to traveling! Hotwire will cover travel expenses like flights and hotel. Plus, since experiences are what make a family reunion one to remember, they’re throwing in $15,580 in cash so you can make up for those activities missed in 2020.
For a little extra comic relief, Hotwire will help the winner remind Mom (or whoever they’re letting down this year) that they still love them, even from a distance. They’ll create a personalized can’t-miss billboard, flyover plane banner or equivalent somewhere your loved one will be sure to notice.
Head to happynextholidays.hotwire.com and follow the prompts to create your ‘Happy Next Holidays’ message. Messages are created when you complete and submit the registration form to enter Hotwire’s Happy Next Holidays Sweepstakes. Select how you’d like Hotwire to generate the news for you: email, text message, postcard or share to social.
The first 100 participants will also receive a special coupon to apply toward future travel on Hotwire.
“We know that this year has been tough on everyone, to say the least, and people are really feeling the stress as we head into the holiday season — a time that under normal circumstances, we reunite with family and friends from around the country,” said Nick Graham, head of Hotwire. “While a trip home might not be in the cards this year, we’re committed to giving travelers something to look forward to and a little comic relief in the meantime. Hotwire’s awesome deals will be there for you when you’re ready to get back out there!”
Sometimes it’s hard to be sandwiched in between two siblings who both require a significant amount of time and attention in completely different ways.
The oldest, needing to be out the door at the crack of dawn in order to get to school on time. Then after school, it’s spelling words, reading intervention, and dance. Her sweet and sassy self is always keeping us on our toes. While the baby requires so much of me, from pumping around the clock, scrubbing bottles, physical therapy appointments, and endless laundry. He is happiest when being held and generally hates to be put down even if just for a few short minutes.
But you, my sweet middle child, enjoy the simple things in life and require so little to be truly happy.
Thank you for running into my room with a big smile, hands full of dinosaurs, asking me to play with you, because the chores can wait.
Thank you for eating anything and everything I put on your plate even if it’s green and looks like a tree.
Thank you for loving our outings to the grocery store just as much as our outings to the toy store.
Thank you for picking me beautiful flowers and weeds on every walk we take.
Thank you for telling me I’m “the best cooker ever” when I make you boxed mac n cheese.
Thank you for never throwing a tantrum when your sister gets to go somewhere and you have to stay home with me.
Thank you for accompanying me to every doctor’s appointment for your siblings and never complaining about all the waiting.
Thank you for drawing me unique works of art and presenting them to me with such pride, even if you do call them “scribble scrabble.”
Thank you for entertaining yourself with toy cars and action figures while I pump and feed your brother.
Thank you for loving me as you do, even on the hard days, and telling me I’m beautiful, even if I haven’t showered in a few days.
Thank you for giving the best hugs at the perfect time, and for making me feel whole again.
One day, in the not so distant future, you will be in school all day and the house will be eerily quiet. No loud games of Ninja Turtles where we run around the house together with cardboard swords pretending to fight off “bad guys.”
No more afternoons playing in the dirt in the backyard and looking for bugs that you will convince me to let you bring inside. No more lazy days snuggled on the couch watching your favorite cartoons and eating way too many cookies. No more late afternoons reading truck books followed by long naps. You will have an exciting life outside the house and won’t need me as much. So for now I will soak up every minute, every day with you, my loving and perfect middle child. You, my son, are something special and our family is better off because of you!
Caitlyn is a military spouse and mom to three children and one fur baby. She was an elementary school counselor before becoming a stay at home who enjoys coffee, hiking, and playing in the dirt with her kids.
There’s nothing quite as universal as the bedtime story and its part of the wind-down routine for millions of children around the world. And one study shows that a surprising number of parents read to stories to their kids way past the preschool years. A recent study commission by Wonderbly revealed some interesting results.
Of 2000 parents surveyed, 1 out of every 10 said they have read to their children at bedtime until age 13 or even older. Only 11% said they stopped by age 4. And 15% of parents said they started reading to their babies in utero. 1/5 said they’d been reading to their littles since babyhood.
86% of parents said they love putting their kids to bed and reading or telling a story, with 36% saying it’s the most quality time they get with them all day. 8 out of 10 parents cited bedtime routines as the best part of being a parent.
And 3 in 4 parents said they wished they could NEVER stop telling their kiddos stories, with 23% actually planning to never stop.
3 in 10 parents cited loving storytime as a chance to be creative and use their imaginations.
Why read to your kids? While we know that modeling behavior like reading to, with and in front of kids fosters early literacy, there are other benefits, for parents and kids alike. Bedtime and the ritual story can be a time to connect, decompress from the day. And your kids are never too old for that.
“Storytime not only fosters a wonderful closeness but also encourages conversation and helps kids to relax,” said David Cadji-Newby, author and creative director at Wonderbly.
It also takes the top of the poll for kids as well (45%), ahead of picking out pajamas (18%) and watching TV (26%).
Our new series, Tiny Birth Stories, is aimed at sharing real-life stories from our readers to our readers. In just 100 words or less, we’re bringing you the raw, the funny and the heartwarming stories you’ve lived while bringing babies into the world. Here are five stories that will have you laughing, crying and nodding your head in solidarity.
Interested in telling your birth story? Click here.
How Giving Birth Gave Me Fulfillment by Tracy M.
They say motherhood changes you in ways you couldn’t have imagined. We had our first son at 33 weeks and spent 5 long weeks in the NICU. That experience solidified what was most important and challenged my career choice as consultant that travelled for work. It gave me the courage to grow my family and business in a way that was right for me. If you can relate and have felt that same pull, to do things differently, explore it. Fulfillment comes when we connect with what truly matters. Motherhood changed me. It kept me honest when I was brave enough to listen.
I Delivered In A COVID Isolation Room by Alyssa M.
Nothing can quite prepare you for giving birth during a pandemic. I already had a ton of anxiety going into the hospital, then to find out all the L&D rooms were full. Because labor progressed quickly, nurses began telling me to prepare to give birth in triage. Instead, I was moved to a COVID isolation room. They rushed me down an empty hall, through plastic barriers, and into an empty room. Nurses built the delivery room around me as I began pushing (with a mask on, of course). A few minutes later, I was holding my perfectly healthy baby boy.
Add An Injured Pelvis On-Top Of Labor by Elizabeth C.
Baby 2: Fell while 8 months pregnant. Unable to walk, or stand (or move really) without excruciating pain. Baby was fine, my pelvis was just messed up. Wheelchair bound for the final month. Scheduled an induction once my due date came and went. Showed up for the doctors to tell me I was technically already in labor and all their plans to induce no longer needed since my cervix was already so wide. Proved it when their balloon fell right through. I guess I couldn’t tell from all the other pain I was in. 10 hours later and, I do not lie, 5 minutes of pushing later, baby.
Unexpectedly Getting The Birth I Wanted by Kat C.
I wanted a home birth with a drum circle of strong mamas in active labor. I got a rooftop BBQ with friends. When I gingerly squatted to play with toddlers my friend (a doula) gently suggested I head home and call my midwife en route – I did, pausing every 1/2 block for contractions. Baby was born two hours later with me crouching over our hope chest. Life has a way of giving you what you want, in unexpected ways.
The Emotions Of Becoming A Mother by Courtney C.
Excited. Anxious. Scared. Words to describe emotions of this first time mom going into labor. The night before I was scheduled to be induced, 41 weeks pregnant, I started feeling contractions close enough together. When my husband and I got to the hospital, we waited thirteen hours until it was time to push. The epidural was only somewhat successful, but the pain was minimal compared to the amount of joy experienced when that 8 pound 12 ounce boy was born. Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in our hearts. An experience that was beautiful, precious, and unforgettable.
There’s been quite a bit of talk about death at our house lately. It hasn’t been prompted by anybody’s funeral—it’s just a natural rite of passage, part of growing up and realizing that, well, you’re alive. You keep having birthday parties every year, and your rudimentary math skills and interactions with great grandparents suggest that one day you’ll be very old like them, and very old people eventually die. Long gone are the days when you firmly believed that people lived to be 100 years old, and after that, they became babies again.
When I was the same age as my kids, around 9 or 10, I remember being freaked out by the same realizations. I went to my parents, as one does at that age, certain that they’d have all the answers. But my parents basically dismissed my fears, I guess in an effort to make me forget about them. They seemed almost amused that I was upset, which made me feel embarrassed. No reason for me to worry about that, death was part of life, they said, and that was that. So I did what most introverted kids would do—I sucked it up and didn’t mention it again, and tried to figure things out on my own.
My parents’ heart was in the right place, but their reaction did nothing to soothe my anxiety. Dealing with those fears at a young age isn’t easy, and I was determined that when I had kids, I would listen to them and help them sort things out. By that time, I figured, I would have all the answers, I would share my adult wisdom with my kids, and everything would be just fine.
Now that I’m an adult with children of my own, I don’t have as many answers as I’d like, but I have earned my humble share of wisdom. One of the things my kids have taught me is that, as much as we’d love for them to be happy all the time, they are people, not fragile figurines,living in the real world. It can be scary, but being honest with them is always a better route than dressing everything up with fairytales and marshmallows. My goal has always been for my children to never be embarrassed to come to me with questions or fears. Which is a wonderful goal when most of what you’ve had to deal with is along the lines of monsters under the bed, but one evening recently, as I was tucking my youngest into bed, he blurted this one out:
“Are dead people dead forever?”
We had been talking about The Beatles just a minute before, discussing why Ringo Starr chose to change his name from Richard Starsky. You don’t see these conversations coming, because children often jump from one thought to the next with a speed that I can’t match no matter how many cups of coffee I pour in the morning. So you don’t get that moment of, “ah, yes, let’s talk about that,” when you sit your kiddo on your lap and you launch into your well-thought-out speech, which is emotional but grounded, beyond soothing, and will comfort them for the rest of their lives.
No, it doesn’t go like that. Instead, you’re at the very edge of a twin bed, holding a dog-eared book on your lap. You are way more tired than he is. But that’s the thing about parenthood, you have to be on your toes and ready to go to bat at all times.
So you hold him close and you answer honestly — yes, dead people are dead forever. And that’s okay. What you need to know is that life is a gift. We can choose to complain and be unhappy, or we can make the most of our gift. Living is the only thing we know how to do. So I would say, let’s get really good at that. And let’s treasure the people we love, while we have them and long after they’re gone. Let’s honor them by learning from them, carrying their memories and lessons with us, and loving every minute of this awesome gift we have.
The worst thing we can do with tough conversations is to answer their questions by not answering them. Evasive, vague stories and niceties don’t work with children. They might not see right through you today, but they will eventually. If a child is asking if dead people are dead forever, telling her that we keep uncle Tony alive in our thoughts is only going to leave her confused. It might tie her over for a while, but the thing is, kids are people. Eventually, as we all do, they figure things out. And they value honesty. Meeting them at an age-appropriate level and being honest, reassuring, and kind is the best seed we can plant for our kids to confidently go on to find answers on their own.
“Is bisabuela gonna die soon?” asked my youngest about my 91-year-old grandmother. Again, this one comes completely out of nowhere, as we’re walking back from school. He had just been telling me about the bean and tomato dip they made in the classroom. It’s hard to know where to start when you’re caught off guard. When in doubt though, it always works to simply answer the question. So I told him that nobody knows when they’re going to die, but bisabuela will likely die in a few years as her health is not what it used to be. She’s one heck of a tough cookie though, so we get to enjoy her company for a while longer still. I told him I’m so happy that he gets to spend time with her, and that she absolutely loves it every time she sees him. He said he would be sad when she dies, and I said I would be sad too.
And with that, he was satisfied and moved on to lobbying for a snack as soon as we got home.
