ML Interest Tag: virus

It’s Time to Let Go of the Ideal & Parent for Real

By Meghan Fitzgerald

Photo: Tinkergarten

If someone had told me six months ago that I’d be advocating for kids to play together 6 feet apart, I wouldn’t have believed it. As an early childhood educator, the idea, out of context, makes me very uncomfortable. But time and shifting realities change things, and now, it feels imperative. 

This begs big questions for parents and educators alike—do we anchor on what is ideal or on what is real as we support our kids during such a wild time? Do we hold kids precious and protect them from this reality, or do we help them to navigate within and adapt to it? Which will help them to thrive more in the long term? 

My vote: Let go of “ideal” and parent for real. 

Kids will roll with it if you let them.

Humans are naturally quite resilient, adaptable, and hopeful. Kids don’t rage against reality like we adults often do—they tend to roll with things, especially if we give them the okay and support to do so. 

Kids don’t suffer the loss of the ideal.

Many of us are torn between the ideal and real—between taking and foregoing chances to help kids adjust to this moment. It’s a hard balance to strike.

Many people are leaning into this new normal and bringing their children along, showing them how to learn new ways of doing things and make this new reality work. On the other hand, I have heard equally caring adults grow fiercely attached to an ideal view of life for kids. 

For example, I’ve heard people say that it would be psychologically damaging to ask a child to keep social distance from a friend or loved one. For sure, it feels neither natural nor easy for kids to hold back from being close and even embracing one another or their elders. Again, as an early childhood educator, I would certainly not advise it under normal circumstances. That desire to touch is a sweet feature of our early days on the planet. It is also understandable that educators and parents alike find it easier not to ask kids to even try, especially if you live in a place where you may be judged when your child needs reminders or practice. 

But is it really damaging to ask kids to learn to keep close to family while keeping a 6-foot bubble from others? Really? The alternative to asking kids to learn to keep social distance can mean isolation from friends and family, lost chances to be among other people, and feel part of a community. For many families, that would also mean not seeing grandparents who are at risk Is that a better option? And, what lesson does avoiding these social encounters teach our kids?

Distancing with kids is doable.

There are many ways to make 6 feet feel connected and sweet. Our family loves to give air hugs, and we practice with grandparents, with friends and even at Tinkergarten. Others have made up special waves or focused on hugging stuffed animals or pillows until we can hug the real people again.

We don’t need to tell kids that getting close is “bad” or “dangerous” for them to learn to keep their distance. At Tinkergarten, we talk to kids about “keeping our 6-foot bubble to “keep everyone safe,” rather than use fear of the virus. The very reason we are staying away is extremely sweet—it is a loving and caring act to preserve your friend’s bubble, and little kids can really get behind that idea. 

Though there’s a temptation to worry that kids will suffer without the chance to embrace others, remember that they can still cuddle, snuggle and squeeze their immediate family and designated “safe” people almost endlessly these days, as most of us are together all the time. 

Teaching kids to “keep each other safe” is nothing new for us at Tinkergarten. Removing all danger is easier on adults for sure, but kids lose out on learning so many lessons! If you continue to gently remind kids of the rules, eventually they’ve got them. 

Kids need reminders.

Reminders are our powerful tool. Little kids do not have strong impulse control, so it will take reminding them and reminding them and reminding them. But, that is just how little kids learn—through repetition and gentle reminders. If you can make the reminders fun, shame-free, and kid-centered, it’s actually enjoyable to teach and watch your kids learn to mind their space bubble. 

Choosing social distance is a privilege.

Many kids and families have already been learning and practicing social distance, especially those who do so because real is their only option. This includes children of first responders, children whose parents or grandparents are at risk or ill, and it will include the many children who will go back to school again this fall, no matter what school looks like. 

It is a privilege to advocate for what is ideal for your children—an option that not all parents have. No matter how you feel about the new normal, we can all contribute ideas and support to those who are working to help children keep safely distanced as they learn and play together. At the very least, before we buck against those efforts on principle, let’s be really certain that we have both the evidence and the true need to do so. 

Let’s put the ideal in our back pocket and parent for real.

So much of how our kids adapt to new challenges is how we present and respond to those challenges. That has never been more true than it is now. Let’s never lose sight of what is ideal. Let’s agree to look forward to days when it’s easier, more natural, and more free to let our kids be and play like kids have long been able to do. But, let’s not let the ideal be the enemy of all of the good lessons and good chances to be together that are real at this moment. See you outside!

This post originally appeared on Tinkergarten.

After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning. 

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Is an Educational Pod a Practical Alternative to In-Person Learning?

By Gay Cioffi

As the COVID-19 virus rages on, families are facing a crisis on all fronts. For those with children, the question of school reopening is front and center. Not only is it of importance to the cognitive and social development of their kids, in all likelihood, it will also determine whether or not they will be able to return to work.

Most school systems have either decided to have all learning remote or have taken a “wait and see” approach, leaving parents even more panicked about their plans come September.

As a result, many are taking educational opportunities into their own hands. Some parents are forming “pods” or small groups of children (between 5 and 8) to meet in a family’s home with an individual teacher hired to either “homeschool” or supplement the online learning that schools are providing. This accomplishes two goals; first, it provides much needed support for parents who have been struggling to keep up with their children’s distance learning, and secondly, it provides social interaction for children who have been isolated from their peers for several months.

On the face of it, if one can afford it and has the time to organize and supervise it, it may seem like a good alternative. That said, there are many things to consider before starting this journey.

Finding families that you trust and whose educational and social goals align with yours will be your first hurdle. Families who have high-risk members such as grandparents or immune-compromised individuals in their household are not good candidates. It is also essential to take into consideration the occupation of the parents in your pod; healthcare workers or other essential workers who come into frequent contact with the public may not be appropriate members either.

Equally important is a firm commitment that all members of the pod, including teachers and their families, follow best practices: masking, handwashing, and social distancing.

And before planning an academic schedule, parents must make provisional plans for the possible infection of children, staff, and all family and household members. Strict rules must be in place for if and when members of the pod become sick with coronavirus or other illnesses.

Finding and fairly compensating teachers will be the next challenge, especially if there is a broad range in the children’s grade level and abilities in your pod. Many online sites have sprung up to meet the demand of this new phenomenon, and a google search can help find staff in your area.

Parents who are forming pods have been criticized for poaching the best teachers from already taxed school systems, adding to the existing inequities in their communities. In some cases, parents invite families who could not afford to participate in a pod to attend for free. Other attempts to compensate for their privilege, have pod parents donating funds to their school communities to support those families without computers or internet service. These well-meaning gestures can be tricky territory to navigate, and along with all aspects of this pursuit must be carefully thought through to implement successfully.

If your goal is to provide “homeschooling,” you must contact your public school to withdraw your child and find out the curriculum that is being used in your jurisdiction and to get information about websites they recommend for guidelines.

If the goal is to supplement an online academic program provided by your child’s school, then you and the other families need to discuss and agree upon what content and activities you want to implement to augment their distance learning. In establishing daily and weekly schedules, limiting the number of teachers interacting with your pod is a major concern.

This endeavor is not impossible, but it will require tremendous focus and motivation by entire families who choose to participate.

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.

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Is It Safe to Send My Child Back to Daycare during COVID-19?

By Natasha Ramirez

Even though children are less at-risk of showing symptoms of the virus, the rate at which they can transmit it to others is still uncertain, and many parents wonder whether it’s wise or not to allow their children to return to daycare.

Make sure that your daycare is taking the necessary precautions before taking your child back. This will keep your child, the other children, daycare employees, and yourself as safe as possible during the pandemic. If you’re struggling to decide on whether to send your child back to daycare, here are some questions and factors to consider:

Do you have the time and resources to keep your child at home? 

Childcare can be expensive, but forgoing a paycheck so you can care for your child can also strain your budget. If you’re the sole provider, staying home may not even be an option. Are there ways to work from home? Even if your company has requested that you physically come back to work, many useful resources out there provide tips on how you might be able to persuade your boss to let you do your job remotely.

Do you live with a person over 65? 

As you know, the elderly are at high-risk of COVID-19 and may catch the virus from your child even if your child is not showing any signs of infection. Be sure to consider whether other people in your household have conditions that can make them more vulnerable to the virus, such as respiratory conditions like asthma.

Does your community already have a high level of transmission? 

Even though states are slowly re-opening, some areas are struggling with virus containment more than others. Safety guidelines will vary by location, but it’s important everywhere to continue being cautious around group gatherings.

Is your daycare transparent about the health measures they’re implementing? 

Daycares should have a clear plan in place on safety measures like how often they’re disinfecting surfaces, what their mask policy will be, and their procedure for if a child starts showing COVID-19 symptoms. Ask your daycare provider about their plans on how they’re going to keep your child safe. Let them know about your concerns upfront about sending your kid back. They will understand this is a stressful decision, and should be able to answer your questions fully and hopefully calm your anxiety.

How will your mental health be impacted by either decision?

The pandemic is taking a mental toll on everyone, keeping tabs on your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Should you choose to send your child back to daycare, will you be worrying about their health and safety the entire day? Are you worried about finances from choosing to stay at home with your child rather than working? While the safety of your child is your top priority, don’t forget about your own health during your decision process.

Questions to Ask Your Daycare Provider

  • What’s your face mask policy? Will staff be wearing masks?

  • Will you be following CDC safety guidelines?

  • How will you screen children for symptoms before they enter the daycare?

  • How often will you be wiping down surfaces?

  • What will be the ratio of staff to children? 

  • What will the drop off and pick up procedures be?

  • What’s your plan if someone becomes sick?

  • Will you be allowing visitors at the daycare?

Should you decide to send your child back to daycare, make sure the daycare is implementing safety protocols. Higher-priority strategies include keeping class sizes small to minimize crossover, utilize outdoor spaces when possible, and to limit unnecessary visitors in the building. Lower-priority strategies include face coverings for the children since it may be difficult to implement due to their age, and reducing classmate interaction and play since it may not provide a substantial risk reduction. Babies and children under the age of two should not wear face masks due to suffocation dangers.

While COVID-19 concerns among adults are entirely valid, you should find some comfort in the fact that daycare aged children (under the age of ten) are substantially less at risk of contracting the virus. And even if they do become infected, studies have shown that over 90% of the pediatric cases of the virus are either asymptomatic or mild. 

Choosing whether to send your child back to daycare is not an easy decision. Financial, personal, and societal responsibilities should all be factors to consider. If you do decide to return to using daycare, make sure that the facility is doing everything in their power to keep children and everyone around them as safe as possible

 

Natasha is an avid writer, storyteller, and dog-lover. Her work has carried her from the bustle of New York at Inc. Magazine to the Santa Fe deserts at Outside Magazine. She enjoys writing about family-focused and community-centered stories.

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COVID-19 Advice from a Family Therapist

By Britannica For Parents

Photo: Britannica for Parents

The coronavirus crisis means that we are living in a new time, and for some children this may cause anxiety. Ellen Bee, family therapist, provides tips and resources to help you and your family weather the storm and feel safe and calm.

As the coronavirus crisis continues to spread worldwide, uncertainty about what’s next creates a perfect storm for fueling anxiety. While our anxious feelings are understandable, it’s important to be aware of how anxiety is impacting our children and our families. Knowing how to respond to anxious feelings will help keep our families and loved ones calm and safe.

How Does Anxiety Affect Us?

Anxiety is our body’s natural stress response system. It helps us act in the face of impending danger. When faced with a threat, our “fight-or-flight” response activates and serves to keep us safe. In the case of the coronavirus crisis, many of us are making positive behavioral changes with social distancing and increased handwashing.

Sometimes, particularly in the face of an ambiguous threat, this internal alarm system may cause anxious responses that are not helpful. We may engage in behaviors that increase anxiety and undermine our safety in the long run. We have seen this in action with the hoarding of medical supplies needed by hospitals. 

Model Appropriate Responses

As parents, it is important to model appropriate responses when your child expresses worry or fear. Children often look to their parents for guidance during ambiguous and distressing situations. When parents respond with fear, children learn to feel and do the same. When parents respond calmly and truthfully, they model thoughtful responses and effective coping skills.

When parents respond calmly and truthfully, they model thoughtful responses and effective coping skills.

Even if your child does not seem worried or bothered by what is happening or has not communicated anything to you, that does not mean they are not curious or thinking about it. This is a great opportunity to present age-appropriate facts and to answer or correct any misinformation they have about coronavirus.

If your child is feeling confused or concerned, validate their feelings with supportive statements. Be sure to accept their feelings while sending the message that you believe in your child’s ability to tolerate a little anxiety. (For example, “I understand that things seem scary right now, and it is all right to feel worried. I also know that you are trying your best to focus on the things within your control. I believe you can figure out how to handle this situation. Caring for each other is one thing we can do.”) These statements differ from protective responses like, “It will all be fine” or “Coronavirus is not a problem for kids, and you should not worry about it.”

Share the Facts

According to developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, children between the ages of two and seven are “preoperational.” This means they understand many cause-and-effect relationships in familiar contexts but may have trouble with less familiar and more complicated situations. Consequently, children may wonder how they contract the virus and what might happen to them. Use age-appropriate language to explain how the virus spreads and what measures they can control like handwashing and social distancing. Teaching your child about action steps recommended by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Health Organization can help them be calm, safe, and healthy. And keeping up with recommendations from both organizations is a practical way to continually understand the coronavirus crisis, share the facts with your child, and prevent the spread.

Create a Routine and Add Some Fun

The disruption to daily life is a large transition for many, as schools and businesses are closing around the world. Transitions are stressful, and the disruption of routines may be particularly challenging for younger children. When things suddenly change, it is important to create structure and to develop a (temporary) new routine. Daily exercise, movement breaks during work time, and mindfulness activities are great ways to build self-care into this “new normal.” Activities can range from obstacle courses to reading time to imaginative play. Displaying the day’s activities on a family calendar or daily routine chart can help to communicate new routines visually and help children adjust.

Take Time for Self-Care

The reality is that we do not know how the next few weeks or months will unfold, and tolerating that level of uncertainty can be difficult for anyone. As parents, monitor your own emotional responses and take the time to process and validate your own feelings. Lastly, remember that you can turn to your community or a mental health professional during this time for resources, guidance, and support.

Ellen Bee would like to acknowledge her co-authors, Kelly Dunn, LCPC and Caroline Adelman, Ph.D.

Sources

Adelman, Caroline, “What Do We Tell Kids? Talking with Parents and Teens about COVID-19,” 2020 Ehmke, Rachel, “Talking to Kids about the Coronavirus,” [n.d.] Hicklin, Tianna, “Supportive Parenting Can Reduce Child’s Anxiety,” 2019

Age-Appropriate Learning about the Coronavirus

BrainPOP, “Coronavirus,” [n.d.] Farmer Kris, Deborah, “How to Talk to Your Kids about Coronavirus,” 2020

About the Author:

Ellen Bee received her Master of Arts in Counseling from Northwestern University. She completed a post-graduate clinical fellowship at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, with advanced training in the use of systemic and evidence-based therapy practices. Ellen is currently Assistant Clinical Director and staff therapist at Chicago Psychotherapy, where she specializes in the treatment of Anxiety Disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Mood Disorders. She works with clients of all ages, in both individual and family modalities.

 

This post originally appeared on Britannica for Parents.
Britannica For Parents
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

We’re living in a time when it’s nearly impossible to distinguish fact from fiction. Parents need information they trust to help them make good decisions about raising their curious learners. Britannica for Parents provides safe and credible resources to empower all kids and parents and inspire curiosity for generations to come.

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Having a Baby during COVID? 5 Questions to Ask Your Doctor Now

By Dr. Alan Lindemann

In light of our current COVID-19 reality, pregnant women everywhere are more cautious than ever when it comes to protecting their pandemic pregnancies. Learning to steer your own medical care and pregnancy and choosing your outcome—these are really important when it comes to getting great obstetric care.

Patients often don’t realize that they can make some key choices. Most doctors won’t tell them what the choices are, and most patients don’t know they have choices to make. For example, here are some issues pregnant women may wish to discuss with their doctors so they can make important care choices:

  • Birth room support (i.e., partner, doula)
  • VBAC—vaginal birth after a previous cesarean section birth
  • Use of low-dose Cytotec for induction of labor instead of Pitocin
  • Effective procedures for decreasing the risks of preterm labor
  • Reducing the risks of maternal complications during and after pregnancy

And, if you are pregnant right now, during the coronavirus outbreak, here are 5 more questions to ask your doctor:

1. Have you already been exposed? You have the right to know whether or not your doctor has already been exposed to COVID-19 or not, and what the implications are either way. Have they been tested recently? When was the last negative test? Don’t hesitate to gather information to put yourself more at ease.

2. What will happen if I’m positive for COVID-19 when I deliver? Make a plan with your doctor so that you have one less thing to stress about if this occurs. As much as you don’t want your baby whisked away after birth, the plan to protect and test your new baby for the illness will include isolating you from her/him initially after birth.

3. Will my baby be immune if I have/had COVID-19? One Chinese case study found that a mother who had COVID-19 and delivered her baby via C-section passed immunity onto her baby but not the illness. Other studies, however, have shown cases of mothers passing the virus on to their babies.

4. Will you be the one delivering my baby? Often, the O.B. you’re working with may not actually be the one to deliver your baby. Asking this question now gives you an opportunity to understand who will be there during delivery, and who else you need to talk to about their COVID-19 exposure and testing.

5. Will I be allowed to have my support team in the birthing room with me? If you want your partner and/or a doula in the birthing room with you, this is a very important question to ask your doctor. The rules as we navigate the pandemic are constantly changing and under evaluation, so ask now, and ask again as birth gets closer.

Too often, obstetricians make decisions for their patients without consulting them. I want to provide women with the information they need to take part in these decisions and take charge of their health and pregnancies. Steer your pregnancy and create the outcome you want for yourself and your baby—with nearly 40 years of practice, I’ve delivered around 6,000 babies and achieved a maternal mortality rate of zero! Learn more at LindemannMD.com.

Dr. Alan Lindemann
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

An obstetrician and maternal mortality expert, “Rural Doc” Alan Lindemann, M.D. teaches women and families how to create the outcomes they want for their own health and pregnancy. In nearly 40 years of practice, he has delivered around 6,000 babies and achieved a maternal mortality rate of zero! Visit LindemannMD.com

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These Are the Big Retailers Requiring Face Masks

by Jennifer Swartvagher

With COVID-19 cases on the rise across the much of the country, many state and local governments are requiring people to wear masks when they leave their homes.The CDC advocates wearing face coverings to help prevent the spread of the virus. Now more and more national retail chains, including Target, Walmart, Costco, Trader Joe’s and more, are requiring face masks in stores for shoppers as well as staff. Typically, these restrictions do not apply to children under two or those with a medical condition that prohibits them from wearing a mask. Looking for a face mask that will fit your kiddo? We’ve rounded up the best ones right here. 

 

Face masks

Editor’s Note: At the time of publication these are the stores requiring face coverings. We’re doing our best to keep you up to date and will update the list as more stores change their coronavirus protocols.

Here are all the major retailers requiring customers to wear face coverings in locations nationwide:

Walmart

On Jul. 15 it was announced that masks would be required at all Walmart and Sam’s Club outlets starting Jul. 20. To help ensure consistency with this new process, all stores will have a single entrance. Employees will be stationed at store entrances to remind customers of the requirement and supply disposable masks to those who arrive without one.

Amazon  

The e-commerce brand instituted a mask requirement on Jul. 20 at Whole Foods supermarkets and Amazon brick-and-mortar stores. They will continue to offer free, disposable masks to customers who do not have their own.

 

Kroger

Effective Jul. 22, all customers will now be required to wear a mask. “We are taking this extra step now because we recognize additional precautions are needed to protect our country,” the company said in a statement released on Jul. 15. 

 

Costco

Since May 4 the warehouse store has required all customers to wear a face covering.“This is not simply a matter of personal choice; a face covering protects not just the wearer but others, too,” said President and CEO Craig Jelinek.

 

Walgreens

On Jul. 16, the drugstore announced that they would be requiring all customers to wear a face covering effective Jul. 20. Kevin Ban, Walgreens chief medical officer said,  “As cases continue to rise in many parts of the country, it’s critical we, as businesses and members of the community, do everything we can.”

 

Home Depot

All customers must wear a face mask effective Jul. 22.  “Social distancing captains and store associates will be available to provide masks to those shoppers who may not have one,” the company said in an announcement on Jul 17. 

 

CVS

The pharmacy chain will now require all customers wear face coverings effective Jul. 20. In a statement on Jul. 16, Jon Roberts, the company’s chief operating officer said, “We’re not asking our store employees to play the role of enforcer,”What we are asking is that customers help protect themselves and those around them by listening to the experts and heeding the call to wear a face covering.”

 

Target

The retailer updated their Coronavirus Response Page on Jul 16. Starting Aug. 1 all customers will be required to wear a face covering. Stores will provide disposable masks to shoppers who arrive without one.

 

Lowe’s

Effective Jul. 20, all customers will be required to wear a face mask.  In a statement on Jul. 17, CEO Marvin Ellison said, “For the safety of everyone in our stores, we ask that customers wear masks, and to make this new standard less restrictive, we will make masks available to those who need them.”

 

Albertsons

Effective Jul. 21, all customers will be required to wear a face covering the parent company of Albertsons, Safeway, Vons, Jewel Osco and other grocery chains announced Jul. 16  on its corporate website.

 

Apple Store

As Apple begins opening its retail stores, they announced that all customers will be required to wear a face mask. “Face coverings will be required for all of our teams and customers, and we will provide them to customers who don’t bring their own,” according to their opening letter. 

 

Best Buy

All customers are required to wear a face covering. The electronics chain will provide a mask for those who do not have one according to a statement released Jul. 14.

 

Publix

Beginning Jul. 21, all customers will be required to wear a face mask according to a statement posted to their coronavirus updates web page.

 

ALDI

Effective Jul. 27 face coverings will be required for all ALDI customers as a “an enhanced safety measure intended to help limit the spread of COVID-19.”

 

Trader Joe’s

On Jul. 15, Trader Joe’s announced that they are now requiring customers to wear a face covering.

 

H-E-B

The Texas grocery chain released a press statement saying, “In areas that do not have a local ordinance in place, H-E-B stores will require the use of masks or facial coverings.”

 

Macy’s 

All customers will be required to wear a face mask effective Jul 22. According to a statement released Jul. 17, if a customer does not have a mask, the store will provide one.

 

Verizon

According to a statement on the store’s web page, customers are required to wear cloth face coverings.

 

Kohl’s 

Starting Jul. 20, all customers will be required to wear a face mask. According to a statement released Jul. 15, “Store associates have been trained on the new health and safety measures in place, and we have associate greeters at the entrance of each store to welcome shoppers and remind them to wear masks.”

 

Starbucks

As of Jul. 15, all customers are required to wear a face covering. According to a statement from the coffee chain, “It is our responsibility to protect our partners and comply with local public health mandates. As such, our partners have the right and responsibility to refuse service to customers who are not wearing facial coverings.”

 

Meijer

Effective Jul. 20, the supermarket chain is requiring face coverings for all locations throughout Michigan, Ohio, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois and Kentucky.

 

Rite Aid

As of Jul. 21, customers will be required to wear face masks. According to a statement released Jul. 17, a free mask will be provided for those who come without one.

 

Gap

Masks will be required in all stores including Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy, Intermix, Athleta, and Janie and Jack, starting Aug. 1 according to a Jul. 20 update to the companies coronavirus response page.

 

American Eagle

Customers at American Eagle and Aerie stores are now required to wear a face covering. Face masks are available to any customer that may need one.

 

 

BJ’s Wholesale

Effective Jul. 21, all customers will be required to wear a face mask. Out of an abundance of caution, they are also temporarily stopping food sampling in their clubs.

 

Menards

According to the store’s COVID-19 Policy page, all customers are required to wear a mask. Face coverings are required on children unless in arms or seated in shopping carts.

 

PetSmart

On Jul. 17 the pet supply chain updated its coronavirus information page to require all customers to wear face coverings.

 

Panera Bread

Beginning Jul. 15, all customers will be required to wear a face mask except while seated and eating or drinking.

 

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Vera Davidova on Unsplash

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Teachers Aren’t Responsible for Saving Our Country

By Colleen Wildenhaus

Sometime in the last few weeks, our country has lost sight of the role that teachers hold in society. Prior to the pandemic, teachers were seen as academic instructors who taught children of all ages to read, solve math problems, and inquire about scientific topics. Their pay, evaluation, and often reputation, is based on the test scores of their students regardless of said student’s mental health, access to food or basic care, access to technology, or the hours in which their parents work. Similarly, schools are graded, and publicly ranked, based on the test scores of their students. School funding, and reputation, are positively or negatively impacted by these scores. Once again, it does not matter whether or not the children had influences outside of the school setting that could impact their academic performance. 

Teachers are in the profession of educating children academically. Yet, there is no doubt that teachers now wear more hats than any other profession. Teachers are therapists, as they listen to children tell their stories of abuse because students trust the person who cares for them each day. Teachers are nurses, as they tend to minor injuries (often with a drink of water or a wet paper towel), feel heads for fevers, and stay vigilant about allergies. Teachers are caregivers, bringing soiled clothes home to wash, shopping for coats, socks, and pajamas as needed, providing toothbrushes and backpacks. Teachers are nutritionists, offering snacks to students who do not have them, and sending home food for kids who may go hungry without. Teachers make sure that every child has someone on their side, building them up to feel powerful, smart, beautiful, creative, and unique. The emotional toll is exhausting and the financial strain is hard, but it happens without question because teachers love their students. 

Knowing all of this, teachers are still given demands and tasks that do not seem possible to achieve, often by those who have never set foot in the classroom. And yet, the demands are met and goals are achieved. Do more with less, individualize instruction, even more, work more hours for less pay, use your plan time for meetings, spend your money on supplies…the list goes on. And year after year, these same teachers return, genuinely excited to meet their new students, check-in with past students, and create dynamic lessons just waiting for the light bulb of learning to shine.

Today, teachers are being told, once again, that they must be responsible for unrealistic, and potentially unsafe, demands. We are being asked to open our classrooms so that the economy can restart, parents can return to work, child abuse can be identified, children can eat, mental health issues of children can be dealt with, all while a raging pandemic in happening. Believe me, we want to be with our students as badly as parents want us with their children. We do not want to teach online. It was not a pleasant experience. However, we want to feel safe and supported, both physically and mentally. We want children to feel safe as well. We want to hear scientists, politicians, and doctors talking about our needs as well as the needs of the children. 

Just as important though, we need to hear our country talking about how everyone can help children. We need funding to make mental health care affordable for all families and we need providers that can meet with children and their families when the care is needed, not nine months down the road when a slot opens. We need to make sure that children are not going hungry in our communities, regardless of whether or not school is in session. We need social services, doctors, and community members helping to identify children who are being physically and sexually abused, and then putting plans in place to stop this despicable behavior. 

These necessary aspects of daily life cannot fall into the lap of teachers only. Make no mistake, we will help every child who does fall into our lap, while still making sure that each child is adequately prepared for the standardized testing that will be the only indicator of our success, but our children and our teachers deserve more. More attention, more respect, more resources, more support.

In a time of uncertainty, schools should not be a guinea pig to learn how COVID affects children and whether or not children spread the virus like adults. The pressure on teachers to keep kids safe through sanitary steps, proper mask-wearing, and socially distancing is tremendous. Knowing this has to be done while not showing any anxiety to the children is daunting. Now add that this all has to be accomplished while teaching academic content to children, the main function of a school, it becomes nearly impossible.

Since it appears that most teachers will be returning to classrooms full of children, I beg of you to think deeply and creatively of ways that we, as a society, can help our children be safely cared for when away from school, for ways that parents can work without having to pay high costs for childcare when schools are closed, and how to support teachers now and every day. Teaching is a passion, a way of life, and a part of who I am. Whatever is asked of me this year, I will do it with the same high standard I display year after year. I love my students and treat them as if they are my own children, I will educate them as individuals, keeping them as safe as I possibly can. All of this will occur at the expense of my own mental and physical health. I will leave work each day asking myself if I did enough and I will lay in bed each night hoping I did not bring the virus home to myself or my family. Above all, I hope that no teacher makes the ultimate sacrifice, their life, by returning to school.

   

Colleen Wildenhaus
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am Colleen, a mother, teacher, and the founder of Good Bye Anxiety, Hello Joy, a site dedicated to parents and teachers supporting a child with anxiety.  In addition to advocating for child anxiety, I love the beach, fresh cookies, children's laughter, and new school supplies!

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What This Widowed Father Wants You to Know

By Jason Rosenthal

Father’s Day.

I became a single parent to three grown children after my wife of 26 years died of ovarian cancer. When Father’s Day looms near, I am hyperconscious of that fact more than, say, on a random Thursday. Hallmark made sure of that.

I am three years into my solo journey now and this recent stretch of time has highlighted the joys and the challenges of parenting for all of us. Confronting the issues of living through a global pandemic and reflecting about all things systemic is just plain “ick.” How do we Dads talk to our kids about these issues while holding emotional space for them and being the steady source of calm?

Amy and I had countless conversations about parenting in her final weeks. It is one of the gifts I feel I received from having the time to be with her at the end stage of her life. Not everyone is as fortunate—if the loss is sudden and unexpected, for example. This pandemic has highlighted how lucky I was to be with my wife up until her last breath, as so many can’t even be in the same room with their loved ones who have perished from COVID related symptoms. COVID: “Coronavirus disease” has put a huge void in all of our lives.

In those super-intimate moments, I would ask Amy how I could be the best parent possible in her absence. How could I handle the milestones and the spaces in between? Amy would think about it long and hard and then say with confidence, “You are an amazing dad. You have such a special relationship with each one of the kids. You don’t need to think too hard about it.  They love and respect you.” She emphasized that I “could do it.” Honestly, I am unsure if I could have without her clear affirmation that we all would be okay.

Parenting kids of any age is often challenging in the best of times. During a global pandemic, that skill is surely tested. It is through that lens that I am practicing gratitude for what I have during this crisis. After living alone for the past year in the Chicago house where Amy and I raised our three children, two of them have returned from Manhattan to quarantine with me. We are all working from this home full of memories and love. The same place where their Mom died in-home hospice.

Having children in their 20’s has permitted me to experience and value my relationship with them in new ways. Intense conversations about how Sweden and Australia have handled the virus, questions about leadership in the face of some very tough decisions in our state and in our country and awareness of being respectful to others by sheltering in place and wearing masks. Of course, we have talked about loss and grief, a shared story in this time, from our unique experience with these topics. But not everything has to be intense all the time, right. We recorded a TikTok dance, our first and only.

As dudes, we sometimes just don’t get certain aspects of parenting. That is not meant to be a sexist statement. I feel as if I was incredibly involved and competent at a lot of child-rearing issues. But there’s something special, even irreplaceable, about a mother-child relationship. Period. My fears at the time my wife died included impending college graduations. I was destroyed, imagining trying to plan the right celebrations, and counsel and guide our kids through career decisions and job searches. How could I navigate them alone? Neither of us contemplated the sequential bombshells that have faced us as a family and as a nation in the past several months.

The unspeakable way George Floyd died shifted most people’s vision of the world we live in as if we all woke up the next morning having suddenly undergone Lasik surgery. As a privileged white father living in America today, talking to one’s children about systemic racism is no easy task, regardless of the kids’ ages. Recent events have exposed that millennials, often considered lazy, possessing a sense of entitlement and dependence upon their parents for too long, are quite the opposite. As leaders of the peaceful protests around the world, these young people—as well as those incredibly thoughtful and intelligent 20 somethings living in my house with me—have truly given me hope for the future. One thing has been exposed to me during this very difficult time; the reshuffling of the traditional roles of parent and child. I am clearly now a teacher and a student.

Amy always knew what to say, when to hug, when to give space, when to be firm, and when to simply love like only a mother can. Fellas, we too have that emotional capacity. Yes, a mother/child relationship is unique and irreplaceable. But so is a father/child relationship, if you give it the best you’ve got and don’t leave the “emotional intimacy” part to the mom because you assume women are better at it.

Despite the fact that being a Dad in 2020 has included the pain of loss that came with a pandemic and the difficulty of exploring how racism became systemic, let’s remember everything that makes our role as a father unqualified magic. As Amy reminded us, we must “always trust magic.”

 

Jason Rosenthal is the subject of an essay written by his late wife, Amy Krouse Rosenthal, called You May Want to Marry My Husband that went viral and was read by millions of readers. Jason now speaks publicly and writes about  issues related to processing grief and finding joy in the midst of pain.

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Breastfeeding during COVID-19? What Every New Mom Needs to Know

By Jennifer Ritchie, IBCLC

As a mother myself, breastfeeding specialist and author, I’d love to share insights for new and expecting moms who need to know how to safely breastfeed and confidently bond with your baby during COVID-19:

1. Rest assured: Your breastmilk is still a safe bet. According to the CDC, breastmilk is still the best source of nutrition for most infants and is believed safe to consume even after mom has been infected. In limited reports of lactating women infected with SARS-CoV,* virus was not detected in breast milk, and antibodies against SARS-CoV were detected in at least one sample.

2. Reduce stress in any way you can. This is a stressful time to have a baby, and anxiety can have a substantial impact on a child’s developing oxytocin systems. Oxytocin helps us relate to others, strengthens trust, fosters closeness in relationships, and can be triggered by eye contact, empathy, or touch. Studies show a new mother’s oxytocin levels can influence her behavior and, as a result, the bond she makes with her baby – so reduce stress in any way you can.

3. Focus on the first two weeks. Most breastfeeding problems occur in the first two weeks of a child’s life, leading many moms to give up too early. Your focus, in the beginning, should be to make it past these first two weeks before throwing in the towel.

4. Supplementing with formula is perfectly okay. Some mothers cannot find adequate time to pump or simply cannot produce enough milk to completely nourish baby with breast milk alone—don’t give up! Just one drop of breastmilk contains one million white blood cells. If your baby gets at least 1 teaspoon of breastmilk per day, they will still get the antibody benefits and bacteria-eating cells that are so important to a developing immune system.

5. Stay connected to what really matters. Finding answers to your questions can be frustrating. When you look online, less than half of the websites on breastfeeding are accurate. What really matters is the scientific evidence, so look for published research and (preferably) “randomized triple blinded” studies. In the end, trust your gut, love your baby, and take care of yourself. After delivery, your left brain stops working as well, so you may find yourself experiencing more emotions than logic (much like when you were a teenager). Don’t give in to guilt, focus on learning through experience, and build that family unit with lots of skin-to-skin contact!

Editor’s Note: Here at Red Tricycle, we respect and celebrate every mom’s feeding journey. Bottle? Boob? It doesn’t matter—we believe fed is best. Our Spoke Contributor Network is inclusive and open to all parenting journeys—yours, too!

 

Jennifer Ritchie, IBCLC
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Jennifer Ritchie is an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), Ritchie spent more than a decade helping countless parents navigate breastfeeding challenges, including latching difficulties, painful nursing, low milk production, inadequate weight gain, and induced lactation.

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How to Create Calm during a Pandemic

By Alex Miller

Being cooped up at home is difficult for children and stressful for the parents. Although the idea is to slow the spread of the virus, there is another aspect of the crisis that one cannot ignore or escape—the impact of the lockdown on your family’s mental health, particularly children.

The virus has disrupted lives globally. The death toll and how rapidly the virus is spreading paints a grim picture of what is happening in the world. And these are some of the main reasons your children may feel scared, anxious, or sad. It is a natural reaction as the whole idea of not shaking hands, hugging, seeing their friends at school, and playing at the park, has burst the safe bubble they were living in. They may have tons of questions regarding the virus and disturbed by such sharp changes in their routine.

It is important how you choose to react and handle your child’s anxiety and stress. Here is how you can help keep your children calm and cope with the anxiety linked to coronavirus:

1. Address and Acknowledge Your Child’s Concerns. Parents are a child’s haven and safety net. They know that if they are suffering emotionally or physically, they can run to their parents for shelter. These are troubling times and certainly not something they or you have ever witnessed before. So, answer their questions regarding the pandemic with reassurance. Be honest with them and talk to them if they hear any distressing news. Let them know people are getting sick, but washing hands frequently and staying at home will keep them safe. They are likely to follow the rules when they understand the reasoning behind it.

2. Keep in touch with Friends and Family. You need to change your perspective of social distancing. Think of it as physical distancing. But keep in touch with your loved ones. Maintaining positive social relationships during these trying times is necessary for our well-being. Tell your children that although they cannot be with them physically, they can do video calls, phone calls, connect through social media, and even write emails. They might be worried about their grandparents who are living alone or are at risk of getting infected. Video chats could bring the anxiety down considerably. As for friends, you can set virtual playdates and set up calls if you have young children who are missing their friends. Having said that, take care of your needs as well. You need to connect with others too. Stay in touch with friends who support you and encourage you. Want to take care of your child’s needs? First, you need to take care of your own.

3. Establish Rules for Limited Screen-time. Parents are still getting used to having kids at home 24/7. With schools closed, children’s screen time has jumped considerably. Parents, apart from their work-from-home responsibilities and home chores, now have to homeschool their children too. To catch a break, they often let their kids use their phones and tablets more than the assigned time. Establish rules regarding media and screen use. Avoiding the constant stream of pandemic news can lessen stress and anxiety levels and set times to check the news and then turn it off. 

See that your child does the same. Whether you have a tween, teen, or younger child, their screen usage may have increased a great deal during the lockdown. Set limits on digital time and rather spend time doing productive activities with each other. Apart from virtual learning, see limits on their social media and internet use, in general.

Excessive electronic usage leads to anxiety. If your child is addicted to screens or showing signs of addiction, you can set limits on their screen use via websites like Xnspy and remotely monitor their digital activities and browser history. Apart from getting hooked to news constantly, with too much time available on their hands, they can get lured into inappropriate activities that make it inevitable for parents to keep an eye on their child’s digital use.

4. Creating a Routine. Children look towards their adults for reassurance and support when there are changes in their surroundings. Children flourish in predictable routines. As families all over the world are settling into new normal with new schedules and habits, you should too. Talk to your children, assure them that this is the way things are going be for a while. This way, it becomes easier for the child to accept the new routines.

Here are some tips to help you create a routine, so it reduces your child’s stress:

  • Stick To Proper Sleeping Schedule. Maintaining a regular bedtime routine for your children and yourself is essential. See that you keep your kid’s bedtime the same as it was when he was going to school. This helps them have a routine and would make it easier for them to transition when they have to go back.
  • Create a Morning Routine. Making the bed, changing clothes (rather than staying in the sleeping suit all day long), having a good breakfast along with taking care of physical hygiene helps your child’s mental health.
  • Go outside. Everything may be closed, but you can take your kids outside. You can ride bicycles in your neighborhood, take walks, engage in games in your garden/backyard, or even exercise. As long as you are keeping up with the social distancing and following rules, you are good. Also, exercising does wonders for reducing anxiety and helps in managing negative emotions. If you have to go out to run errands or go to work, reassure your children that where you are going and when you will be back and that you are following rules. 

All in all, talk to your children and try to be patient with them. Your few words of reassurance are going to go a long way in restoring their faith that things are going to be okay. 

Hi, I am Alex Miller a front-end developer for a VoIP company in Tennessee. As a part of my routine, I review the latest gadgets and applications. Currently, I am covering the best apps available in all the major categories. I love watching football when I have some extra time. 

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