ML Interest Tag: affection

​5 Easy Ways Parents Can Teach & Model Consent to Their Kids

By Tyler Jacobson

An interesting article was released by the Girl Scouts of America late last year. In it, they discuss consent and why physical affection should be within the control of their children, not demanded by adults. The article prompted this brilliant piece about consent needed to hug a parent’s child and it really drove home to me how often consent is ignored and the lesson that teaches our children.

“I Don’t Like That”

The words uttered by my youngest daughter after my wife leaned down to give her a kiss. It was surprising, this protest. Yet as I considered it, I realized that maybe it wasn’t so surprising after all. For months when we had given her kisses on the cheeks she had made a face, or squirmed away, or cringed.

Now she was being blunt: she didn’t like kisses. That was the last time we ever kissed her cheek, opting instead for a playful nuzzle of her chin before bed, something she appeared much more comfortable with,

Clearly, consent is an important topic to consider with children, including younger ones. So how can we model and teach consent to our children? Here are some ideas:

Be Clear About Feelings

Feelings are good but children can struggle to manage their own, or consider others. Giving them a framework to not only understand how they are feeling but to express it can give them the language and self-awareness they need to refuse consent when they want to. Teaching to recognize it in others can teach them to have empathy and respect others.

Teach Your Kids to Speak Up

My daughter has always been told that if she doesn’t like something or if it doesn’t feel right to speak up. I am grateful now that my wife and I worked so hard to instill that idea in all of our kids. She knew she could say no.

Let Them Know That Their Boundaries Are Okay

Everyone should have boundaries. Children are no exception but they may feel like they can’t establish them because they are powerless. Letting them know that they have autonomy over their own bodies and actions can be a very affirming lesson that will stay with them through their lives.

Disavow the Idea of Rudeness

Women have routinely found themselves in dangerous situations because they fear being “rude”. But could we be teaching our children to do the same? Disavowing the idea that saying no is somehow impolite could actually save their life one day.

Don’t Make Affection an Order

“Go give your grandma a hug.” I think we have all said the same thing before, related to someone in our child’s life, But it may be time to avoid that phrase and stop making affection an order they have to follow.

How do you teach and model consent with your kids?

Featured Photo Courtesy: ales_kartel via Pixabay

Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.

 
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This Is What It’s Really Like to Have a “Weekend” Husband

By Sehrish Qaxi

“You’re so lucky!”

“You don’t have to wake up early to help with breakfast or do that extra load of laundry!.”

“You don’t have to deal with a man-child every single day!”

These are only some of the few things I keep hearing from friends and family on account of how my husband is only home on the weekends.

After almost two and a half years of marriage, I only smile in response. There is of course no benefit in pointing out how I’d gladly trade my husband’s job with their spouse’s, so I could have him home every single day. Only people who live separately are truly able to understand what it means to hug your beloved goodbye every Monday morning, knowing the next time you get to see them is after five long days and nights.

It Wasn’t Always Like This, at First

Even before getting married, I knew I would have to live without my husband because he had switched jobs right after we got engaged. Maybe I should have taken the hint then and there—but the guy truly loves and misses me when we’re apart. Now that we have a beautiful baby girl, going back to work every Monday has become even tougher. The move was necessary for future career success and we both believed it would be temporary.

Sadly, things don’t work out as you desire and my husband has been unable to find another job within the main city. He’s been trying his hardest and applying pretty much everywhere, but we’ve both stopped questioning our circumstances and have left it to fate. That most certainly does not mean it has become any easier.

This Is What It’s Like to Be on Your Own

I’ll be candid: Being on your own during the week is not the piece of cake it may seem. If you’ve been through this, you can relate. It’s not that you just miss the extra help and the free drives everywhere—it’s the small things that tug at you each and every single day: The loving smiles, the bear-tight hugs, the patient listening ear, the sudden playful tickling or the sense of constant comfort and absolute warmth. And let’s not forget the minute arguments and nonsensical fights that generally end quickly because staying angry for too long is almost impossible.

There are also the bigger things: Sitting alone at night, awake with a crying baby because she can’t sleep, little to no free time as because there’s just too much work to do, not getting any outside chores completed because the supermarket is pretty far. (I don’t know how to drive and going alone with the little one is immensely difficult on my own.) The worst parts for me though are those moments when I’m exhausted to the bone and there is no one to hold my hand and tell me how much my efforts mean to our little family. With just a single sentence, my husband is able to charge me back up. But he isn’t there to say them because we barely talk through the weekdays.

When my husband isn’t home, it’s like all the lights have dimmed down. I notice this most when he gets back, because laughing, talking and daily tasks become so much easier and more natural—it’s like all the gloom has been sucked out of the environment and things have brightened up when he returns.

And Baby Made Three

Since our baby birth, it seems letting my husband go after every weekend has gotten harder still—for both of us. He envies how I have the baby with me while all he has are photos and videos of our daughter on his phone. I understand, but even so I believe men simply don’t feel as deeply as women do—so I stick to the mantra of “I miss you more.” He knows I’m right, so he only laughs.

Our daughter is the joy of both our lives, but raising babies on your own is no easy task. They demand the best of you and pretty much drain you of most of your energy. I feel I am not enough as I try to keep up with her growing needs. And I know that for me, doing it all alone is both—and depressing sometimes, too.

It’s the times when I want to simply throw down everything and cry at the top of my lungs alongside my daughter is exactly when I need my husband to be here the most. The times when she refuses to sleep or eat is when I need him to take charge and handle things in his level-headed way. This is the reason why God created parents in pairs: When one has had enough, the other can step in.

I love seeing the two of them together. My husband is the most caring and gentle dad I know and our daughter is definitely the love of his life—after me of course! It breaks my heart to see that she is not as close to him as she could be if he were living with us the whole week. I’m hoping that as she grows up she realizes just how special a place she has in her father’s heart and reciprocates the affection.

This Is What Keeps Us Going

To all those who think life becomes easier when you are living away from your spouse, here’s a little tidbit: The grass seems greener when it’s on the other side. Don’t tell couples like us how relaxed or uncomplicated things are for us. Most have no idea how families like us would change our situation within the blink of an eye.

A marriage is about companionship, support and being there for one another—not just for the big life events but the small daily affairs. It is about laughing together and fighting on the most insignificant of things. It’s about telling each other just how much you mean to the other, whether through words, a simple touch or just a glance. These gestures reinforce that, no matter how tough or unpleasant it may get, you two will stick together every single day. Marriage is about being together—when you can!

My husband and I continue to strive for a tomorrow that enables us to be with each other, raising our baby together. Hope keeps us going. As for those of you who have your spouses with you, be thankful. Show them love and let them know how much their presence matters.

For the ones like me, hold on. You will get through this, too.

Featured Photo Courtesy: Dakota Corbin via Unsplash

Me? A first time mom to an absolutely gorgeous, feisty little madam! These days, it seems like that is the only identity I have. An English Literature graduate, I'm reader by passion and writer by profession. Other than my family and friends, my love extends to food, travel, songs and movies. 

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I Am My Mother’s Daughter (with a Few Upgrades)

By April Sutphen

Every mother has a different st‌yle of parenting. Some are more lenient, others more strict. Some mothers shower their children with constant affection while others take the ‘tough love’ approach.

I am a firm believer that we are a product of our environment. For me, this holds true. I am my mother’s daughter. My parenting st‌yle was a learned behavior. Many of the ways in which I parent my son are lessons from my childhood.

My past has taught me about the type of mother I want to be but has also shaped the type of mother I don’t want to be.

Let me explain.

My mom is an extremely affectionate, loving person. She shows her love in many ways – hugs, kisses, speaking it out loud, buying gifts and giving unconditional support. I parent much like my mother.

But, in some ways, her love was all-consuming.

In order to protect me from negative things in life, my mom kept me from experiencing a lot. I never went away to college, I never had chores or real responsibility growing up and I never wanted for anything. These things have shaped the person that I am.

My lack of experience in the outside world has left me with a void.

I often wonder what it would have been like to go to college. Would I have enjoyed living on my own, in a dorm or apartment?

My mother always told me “You don’t need to move out to experience life. You aren’t missing anything” She wanted to protect me from everything bad in this world. But I believe that you need to experience the bad sometimes to appreciate the good.

So, as I raise my son, I try to fight my inherent need to protect him for everything and anything I can. I know that he needs to experience life, to live life – to stumble and fall before brushing himself off, and standing back up again.

How will my son ever learn to deal with unkind friends if he never strays from his core circle? How will he ever know his limits if he never pushes them? What if his next great opportunity lies outside of his comfort zone? If he never leaves it, he’ll never know.

So, I am thankful for my mother sheltering me and wanting to protect me from heartache and pain, but without those things, I feel I’ve missed out on certain aspects of life. It’s impacted my ability to handle disappointment and hurt.

Because I never had chores growing up, I never felt the satisfaction of earning something – if I wanted it, my mother bought it for me. Where was the lesson of value? Of working hard for what you want? It was lost.

But, fortunately, my mother also taught me to take pride in what I do and to be a strong woman. Because of that, I’ve developed my own work ethic. I am too proud to ever take something for nothing. If I didn’t earn it, I don’t want it.

I want my son to place the same value on things. When you work hard for the things you get, they mean more to you than if they’re just given.

My mom’s overindulgence on me quickly transferred to her grandson – buying him everything he wanted and even things he didn’t ask for. Whether it costs $10 or $100, my son would play with it for a short time and then toss it aside. He had no sense of worth.

When I saw this happening, I chose to change it.

My son now has chores he’s responsible for. Once he completes them, he earns money. The look of pride on his face when he saves enough to buy something he truly wants lets me know I’m doing the right thing.

My son’s eating habits are another thing I am striving to change. My food obsession was inherited from my father and I’ve passed it onto my son.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with being a “foodie”, but having a lack of willpower is a separate set of problems. As an infant, my son was a great, healthy eater – drank his Hipp organic formula with no problem, loved when I introduced cereal to his diet and devoured his fruits and veggies.

But it was all over when he got his first taste of sugar.

Now, candy is his favorite food group, juice boxes are his drink of choice and he feels he can’t live without McDonald’s. Though he loves his protein, my son loves his snacks too. He is a very active little boy. The last thing I want is for him to become self-conscious or fixated on his weight at such a young age.

But I also want him to be healthy. And I know that starts with me.

I learned early in my journey as a mother that your children are always watching – everything you say and do help shape the person they become.

That’s a lot of pressure, but it’s also an amazing responsibility and honor.

The parts of my childhood that have helped mold my personality are ones I cherish and thank my mother for – my kind heart, giving spirit, manners and respect are all things I wouldn’t change.

But my sheltered upbringing, skewed view of what things cost and less than healthy eating habits, are things I reflect on and want to change for my son.

And as his mother, I have the power to do so and as his mother, it’s my job and my mission to see it through.

And I will.

I am a 32 year old mother of a son and wife to an officer. I am honest about both the love and struggle of parenting. I enjoy being active and writing is my passion, second only to my family.

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Hilarious Parenting Tweets of the Week

by Red Tricycle

From the soccer carpool to the never-ending assortment of mismatched socks, sometimes there are days when you’ve only got a few seconds (or 140 characters) to get in a good giggle. Well, sit back and get ready to scroll because we’ve scoured the Twitterverse for moms and dads that rap about the highs and lows of parenting, and the results are hilarious.

1. Really? Ugh.

2. We are now equals.

3. Great example…

4. On second thought, pass the hand sanitizer.

5. Such imagination.

6. When you  need to fight for your daughter’s affection…

7. Gotta love last minute notice.

8. The struggle is real.

9. Ooh… Someone’s in trouble.

10. Ouch.

 

Do you have any #funnyparenting moments to share with the Red Tricycle Community? Tell us in the comments below! 

— Noelle Buckband

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12 Signs You’re a Parent of Twin Babies

by rtjeffsaporito

You likely weren’t planning on getting a BOGO deal when you got pregnant, but that’s what happened. Now, your pre-baby life is a distant memory and everything is influenced by the multiples. Here’s a list of things that ought to ring true if you’ve brought two (or more) kids into existence at once. See if you agree with our 12 signs that you’re a parent of twin babies.

Photo: Jeff Saporito

1. Your house is starting to look like a daycare center.
Dude, where’s my floor? Twice the kids means you somehow seem to end up with four times the clutter. You only vaguely remember what the flooring underneath the pile of toys looks like.

Photo: waferboard on Flickr Creative Commons

2. Coffee is the new water.
Oh sweet, brown elixir of life. You’ve bought stock in Starbucks and feel personally responsible for keeping their share values up.

Photo: Russel Harrison Photography on Flickr Creative Commons

3. You don’t want to hear about single-baby problems.
“Awww yeah, you poor thing.” You try to act sympathetic when parents of just one baby talk about the difficulty of raising a child, but inside you’re sneering with envy.

Photo: Martin Thomas on Flickr Creative Commons

4. There is no such thing as running a quick errand.
See you in a few hours! Going on a day trip to grandma’s house looks like you’re moving.

Photo: The Other William and Kate

5. Getting them to sit still at the same time is an Olympic sport.
That’s as good as it gets. Whatever your worst nightmare used to be, it’s now attempting to take a civilized family photo.


Photo: Donnie Ray Jones on Flickr Creative Commons

6. You don’t remember what quiet sounds like.
At any given moment, at least one child is yelling, screaming, crying, not eating, throwing a tantrum, or pooping their pants.

 Photo: Dylan Walters on Flickr Creative Commons

6. You never stop doing laundry. Never.
Just a minute, there’s only 8 loads left. Your children have 6,000 pieces of clothing. They’re all always dirty. Also, none fit.


Photo: Manda on Flickr Creative Commons

7. Your twins are a magnet for public affection and you can’t go anywhere without questions, oohs, ahhs and the dreaded baby pokes from strangers.
Oh no… they’re going to talk to us, aren’t they? You’ve been forced into extroversion because everyone in public feels the need to talk to you. However, you do now have a nice instant, unspoken rapport with other parents of multiples.

Photo: Brandon Grasley on Flickr Creative Commons

8. You’re going to lose it if one more person asks, “Are they twins?”
This has become your least-favorite combination of words in the history of language.


Photo: Diamond Farah on Flickr Creative Commons

9. You don’t need to go to the gym anymore.
You haven’t been to the gym in two years, but you keep getting stronger from hauling humans around. You call this hot new workout accidental weightlifting.

Photo: Jeff Saporito

10. You have bags and bags of used baby goods that you don’t want to throw out. 
You have storage bags full of attempted-and-failed bottles, sippy cups and utensils that the kids wouldn’t use. You don’t want to toss them. They cost hundreds of dollars.

Photo: Jeff Saporito

11. The other question you’re tired of is, “Which one is older?”
Four minutes is not a big deal. They’re the same age. What they do with this information, you’ll never know.


Photo: Donnie Ray Jones on Flickr Creative Commons

12. You’re the luckiest.
You live in a world with extra smiles, extra giggles, and extra love – and it’s worth every minute of extra effort.

What can you add to our list of twin parenting facts? Tell us in a Comment.

–Jeff Saporito

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