ML Interest Tag: affection

Hop to the Bunny Museum

by LeTania Kirkland Smith

If your honey bunnies love rabbits—live, stuffed and ornamental ones—you can’t miss the quirky and unique Bunny Museum in Pasadena. Perfect for an Easter (or anytime) visit, the museum is a personal bunny collection turned Guinness World Record holder of a bunny heaven. If your crew thrives on uncovering hidden and unexpected gems in Los Angeles then hop no farther.

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Step into Their Hutch
The museum is the personal collection of husband and wife Steve Lubanski and Candace Frazee. It began 20 years ago when Lubanski gave Frazee a stuffed bunny for Valentine’s Day in keeping with her nickname for him: “Honey Bunny.”  Since then they have given each other a bunny gift every day, which has amounted to a Guinness World Record collection of over 30,000 tokens of affection. Before you go, it’s good to know that The Bunny Museum is actually a “living museum,” which means that Frazee and Lubanski still live here and have opened up their Pasadena home to curious guests of all ages.

bummy museum 3

All Things Bunny
The first stop is the front room where your host, Candace will introduce you to the first two bunnies that started the collection. Their first live bunny, who is no longer with us, is also preserved and lovingly on display. Some young kids are fascinated by the keeping of a beloved pet, some are a little scared; so think about if this is something you want to point out to your little ones, or skip over.

Circle the room carefully and peek (but please don’t touch) into the multiple curios filled to the brim with glass bunny figurines. How many can you and your kids count?  As you step through the house you will encounter masks, plush toys, Easter candy sets, plates, cups, magnets and even bottles of wine in keeping with the bunny theme. While you peruse, your host will tell you about the couple’s bunny story and answer any questions you have.

bunny museum2

Hands On
It’s not all a hands-in-pockets place!  Little ones who like to touch will have a chance to interact once you are introduced to the museum’s three live bunnies: Jessica Doecent (yes, there’s a pun there), Shopper and Joker. The kids can grab their bunny money (see below) and feed the trio a snack. Then move outside to the backyard and add your own sidewalk chalk bunny to the collection. Finally, you’re at the Bunny Museum, so lose your inhibitions and hop down the bunny trail filled with bunny themed sculptures large and small.

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Where to Hop
There is abundant street parking in the neighborhood. Museum visits are available every afternoon by appointment only, except on holidays when it is open to the public from 2 p.m.-7 p.m.

Adult admission is a suggested $5, and kids 4 and under only need to show up with “bunny money”: a bag of fruits or veggies to feed the live bunnies. Sign the guest list (you’re one of over 23,000) and leave any bags or coats in the bunny chest near the door.

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Hours: Mon.-Sat. noon-6 p.m.; Sun. noon-5 p.m.
Cost: Kids 4 & under are free; 5-12 $5; 13 & up $12

The Bunny Museum
2605 Lake Ave.
Altadena

Online: thebunnymuseum.com

What’s your favorite hidden, offbeat or unique museum in LA?  We’d love to hear about it in the comment section.

—written and photographed by LeTania Kirkland

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When Parents Love Each Other, Kids Fare Better

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Children model their future relationships based on the love they grew up around. Parents tend to put their children first, subsequently putting their own relationship on the back burner. This recent study shows that when spouses share romantic love and affection, their children tend to stay in school longer and marry later in life.  

Research about how the affection between parents shapes their children’s long-term life is not always readily available. This study uses unique data from families in Nepal. The study, co-authored by researchers at the University of Michigan and McGill University in Quebec, was published in the journal Demography.

“In this study, we saw that parents’ emotional connection to each other affects child-rearing so much that it shapes their children’s future,” said co-author and U-M Institute for Social Research researcher William Axinn. “The fact that we found these kinds of things in Nepal moves us a step closer to evidence that these things are universal.”

The study uses data from the Chitwan Valley Family Study in Nepal. The survey was launched in 1995 and collected information from 151 neighborhoods in the Western Chitwan Valley. Married couples were interviewed simultaneously but separately, and were asked to assess the level of affection they had for their partner. The spouses answered “How much do you love your (husband/wife)? Very much, some, a little, or not at all?”

The researchers then followed the children of these parents for 12 years to document their education and marital behaviors. The researchers found that the children of parents who reported they loved each other either “some” or “very much” stayed in school longer and married later.

“Family isn’t just another institution. It’s not like a school or employer. It is this place where we also have emotions and feelings,” said lead author Sarah Brauner-Otto, director of the Centre on Population Dynamics at McGill University. “Demonstrating and providing evidence that love, this emotional component of family, also has this long impact on children’s lives is really important for understanding the depth of family influence on children.”

According to Axinn, Nepal provides an important backdrop to study how parental relationships affect children’s lives. Historically, marriages in Nepal are arranged by their parents and divorce rates are low. In the 1970s change has been noted with more couples marrying for love. Divorce is still rare, but it is becoming more common. 

Also, education has become more prevalent since the 1970s. In Nepal, children begin attending school at age 5, and complete secondary school after grade 10, when they can take an exam to earn their “School-Leaving Certificate.” Fewer than 3% of ever-married women aged 15-49 had earned an SLC in 1996, while nearly a quarter of women earned an SLC in 2016. Thirty-one percent of men earned SLCs in 2011. By 2016, 36.8% of men had.

The researchers also want to dig into why parental love affects children the way it does. They speculate that when parents show deep affection for each other, they also invest more time and effort into their children, thus leading them to remain in school longer. When a child grows up in a happy, loving environment, they tend to seek out similar relationships for themselves when they get older. . 

The findings still remained constant after researchers considered other factors that influenced a married couple’s relationship and their children’s future. These include caste ethnicity; access to schools; whether the parents had an arranged marriage; the childbearing of the parents; and whether the parents had experience living outside their own families, possibly being influenced by Western ideas of education and courtship.

“The result that these measures of love have independent consequences is also important,” Axinn said. “Love is not irrelevant; variations in parental love do have a consequence.”

Photo courtesy of Photo by Seth Reese on Unsplash

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I Accidentally Killed Our Family Pet

By EVA BOWEN

Our family has always had a lot of pets. At first, we had only one child and felt guilty about him not having anyone to play with. My son also seemed to really enjoy being around pets. We’ve had two rabbits, two guinea pigs, a bearded dragon, two dogs, plenty of fish, snails, two geckos, and four tortoises.

Over the years we really did not have to deal with death. We’ve have had fish die of course. (We’ve had “The Cosby Show” Rudy Huxtable funeral. Poor poor Lamont. Ha!). However, when one of the rabbits died, I was sure my eldest son Andre would be devastated, even though we really had not had it long. I called my parents over to help me explain the circle of life to him. When my Father finished his speech, my son took it in stride. My Dad took care of the body.

Yesterday, Andre didn’t lock the gate properly and one of our large tortoises got out of the fence. Upon returning home from taking my youngest to acting class, I turned into the driveway and heard a thump. I was confused because I didn’t see anything in the street. When I got out the car, I was horrified when I saw Pinky. I had run over her with my car. I didn’t see her—she was the same color of the street and a car was parked right close to my driveaway—the perfect condition for something like this to happen. 

She was alive, but she was clearly very injured, and her shell had a big split in it. I picked her up, took her to the backyard and then googled what to do. She was still alive but couldn’t help but come to terms with what I knew was going to happen: I had killed Pinky! Meanwhile, inside the house, my son is losing it. Mad at me, like probably he has never been before. We’ve had her since she was a baby. My son was devastated by it all and blamed me. And I blamed myself.

My parents came over and got her. After watching videos of what to do, they tried to help her. My mother even told me that turtles are very resilient, but unfortunately, even though she fought for 24 hours, Pinky died from her injuries.

While I am heartbroken and keep wondering the “why’s,” this ordeal has taught me a very important lesson. Beforehand, I didn’t understand when a dog or cat died, friends and family spoke about how heartbroken they were on Facebook. I have more empathy now. When it comes to pets, even though some may not be able to show affection, we still care for it, considered its welfare, even spoke to, washed it, petted it. I also think when animals die by natural causes, it might be a little easier to handle.

Some immediate takeaways for me as a parent. I now understand how much pets play in our lives and I’ve had the privilege to love and care for them. Secondly, I’ve raised two kids who love nature and animals. They are thoughtful, loving kids.  Pinky was always trying to explore and escape. It’s not the first time she’s gotten out, such an adventurer, such a hardheaded kid. RIP Pinky.  You’ll be missed. :(

I'm a 53-year old single Mom living in Arizona. I enjoy reading, cooking, community involvement, watching Lifetime Movies, and uncovering amazing information and products to help my family live our best lives. I have two amazing sons an 18-year-old (elite basketball player) and a six-year-old who is the Great Entertainer.

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4 Reasons Why Co-Sleeping Might Work for You

By Karolina Hobson

As a parent it is easy to stress over all of the little things. Are they eating enough? Are they growing enough? Am I spending enough time with them? Is work consuming too much of my time? Are they happy?! Questions like these plague parents in most parts of the world. However, some of the biggest questions that we ask ourselves revolve around sleeping. With any amount of lack of sleep, it makes it difficult to function on a day to day basis and be productive at work.

So how do you achieve the ultimate goal of more sleep? My answer? Co-sleeping.

For the optimal co-sleeping situation, here are a few of my tips:

1. Don’t fight it if it works. Research shows a benefit of co-sleeping is infants virtually never startle during sleep and rarely cry during the night, compared to solo sleepers who startle repeatedly throughout the night and spend four times the number of minutes crying  Startling and crying releases adrenaline, which increases heart rate and blood pressure, interferes with restful sleep and leads to long-term sleep anxiety.

2. Do what works for you and for your family. The judgment of others doesn’t matter. If co-sleeping with your baby is the best solution for you, then that is all that should be considered in the decision. As long as everyone is safe and comfortable, nothing should stop you as parents from getting as much sleep as is humanly possible.

3. It doesn’t last forever, so enjoy it while you can. One day the child will finally move on to their bed whether they do it on their own or with your help. In the meantime, it’s a time that can be seen as precious. During sleep, you can sneak those extra cuddles that one day you will miss. According to the Dr. Sears’ article on the Benefits of Co-sleeping, “Co-sleeping babies grow up with a higher self-esteem, less anxiety, become independent sooner, are better behaved in school, and are more comfortable with affection. They also have less psychiatric problems.”

4. If the baby is breastfed it is done much easier as neither the mother nor the baby has to be moved. They can just turn towards each other. This arrangement also assists the mother with maintaining her milk supply which is so vital for the baby.

The Long-Term Effects of Co-Sleeping with Children

Co-sleeping, whether widely accepted or not, can be the best arrangement for certain families. It is most definitely not something that should be overlooked just because of the stigma that’s behind it. Give it a go. This may be the solution that you’ve been looking for, or maybe you simply want to sneak more cuddles in through the night. Whatever the reasoning for the arrangement may be, if done right, it is definitely beneficial.

As a working mother of 3, I have found that I treasure the nights and know they won’t last forever. Our youngest (3.5 years old) is still in our bed every night. My biggest regret; not having enjoyed as much time with the older two!

Karolina has a unique perspective on life as she is a working mom of three, married to a busy fire captain. Juggling it all and showing her daughters it is important to maintain your identity even after you have children. To Karolina, that means pursuing her career goals and continually learning/growing in business.  

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Chillin’ with the Goats on Chicago’s West Side

by Maria Chambers

When was the last time you cuddled with a billy goat? How about the last down you planked with a goat playing jockey? At Chicago’s GlennArt Farm in the Austin neighborhood, families are welcome to shop for fresh milk and cheeses, strike a yoga pose or just chill with the friendliest herd of goats you’ll ever meet. Read on and then hoof it to this for west side mini-farm.

photo: credit Kelly S. via YELP

The Farm’s History

It’s perhaps the least likely place in the world where you’d expect to find pastoral bliss: smack dab in the middle of Chicago’s west side. But GlennArt Farm has managed to carve out an almost idyllic, country-like space.

“We have found that goats have a niche to play in the development of sustainable urban agriculture,” said Carolyn and David Ioder, who both descend from Midwestern farming families. “They produce milk for an alternative food source, their manure gives an immediate use for fertilizer, the goats love to eat down overgrown lots and they are gentle when interacting with people.”

The duo launched the farm in 2011, much to the surprise of neighbors who suddenly found a herd of goats making their daily trek to pasture through the alley.

photo: credit Dee A. via Yelp

They’re Not Just Cute. . . They’re Useful, Too!

During high season from April to November, the couple makes cheese, milks goats seven days a week while also selling their all-organic eggs and honey.

If you want to skip to the front of the line for locally produced milk and eggs, become a member of GlennArt Farm’s Goat Guardian Guild and you’ll receive six free quarts of raw goat milk, discounted prices on additional milk, extra educational experiences and invites to down-home social gatherings on the farm several times a year. Best of all, you’ll have the opportunity to name newborn baby goats, a.k.a. Kids.

photo: credit Julie O. via YELP

Downward Dog With a Goat

Milk and eggs is nice and all, but it’s their herd of dairy goats that draws in the most visitors, as the small farm hosts yoga classes and “goat chills”.

Goat Chill participants simply hang out in the pasture with the super sociable goats. Feed them delicious, goat-approved snacks, give them a good back scratch (goats don’t like to be petted but always enjoy a good back scratch) and relish in their endless affection and extreme silliness.

Goat yoga, also open to kids, is hosted in the middle of the small field, where nature has reclaimed its glory, ignoring the urban grit and grime, blooming amidst the concrete and construction.

“Kids of a goat kind like to play and check out new things, just like kids of a humankind,” said urban farmer David Ioder. “And kids of a humankind not only enjoy the discovery of kids of another kind, but their world also expands and so does their appreciation of nature and what it offers.”

So, next time you’re looking for a unique family to-do, consider unwinding with GlennArt Farm’s goats.

5749 W. Midway Park, Austin
Hours: Hours vary; call or check the farm’s website before your visit
Getting there: Green line to Austin
847-612-7315
Online: glennartfarm.com

— Amy Bizzarri

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80% of Parents Believe Their Kids Are Proud of Themselves, According to Study

by Shahrzad Warkentin

How do you help your kids develop a sense of pride in themselves? Parents might have different ideas of how to build self-confidence, but according to a recent survey 80 percent believe their kids are proud of who they are.

Kiddie Academy, a system of  early education and child care centers, recently surveyed parents on their kids’ sense of pride and what it takes to build self-confidence in kids. The survey which included 1,000 participants, both moms and dads, found that the majority of parents at 81 percent said they were proactively raising their kids to help build self-confidence.

photo: Nappy via Pexels

For 59 percent of parents pride was defined as having self-confidence and self respect, while 18 percent said it meant feeling satisfaction from your own achievements. Fifty-five percent of parents said they showed their kids they were proud of them through physical affection, like hugs and high-fives, while 38 percent showed their pride with words.

The survey also asked parents what they thought was the best way encourage kids to take pride in their work. The answers included open and honest discussion (33 percent), verbal praise (26 percent), naturally modeling parental behaviors (20 percent), displaying kids school and artwork (14.9 percent) and physical rewards, like money and presents (5.5 percent).

Last, but not least was the million dollar question: are you comfortable encouraging your child in something regardless of the social norms? A whopping 93.7 percent said yes.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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“The Baby-Sitters Club” Is Back in a Whole New Format

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Ann M. Martin’s classic series has already been adapted into movies, a graphic novel series and, even an upcoming Netflix series. Now fans can enjoy The Baby-Sitters Club in yet another format with the Audible debut.

Audible has just announced that it will be producing The Baby-Sitters Club in audio for the first time. All 131 books in the beloved series will be available for download beginning Aug. 13 and are available to pre-order now. “I’m thrilled to see that the readership for The Baby-sitters Club continues to grow after all these years,” said Martin. “And I’m grateful and honored to hear from fans – young and old – who have supported the series with such affection, love and nostalgia for all things BSC. I’m excited that Audible will bring the books to life in a new format for the next generation.”

photo: Amazon

The first five titles in the series will be narrated by Elle Fanning who commented, “The fierce friendships and babysitting adventures of The Baby-Sitters Club have been so much fun to perform! It has been such an exciting and new experience for me to bring this entrepreneurial squad to life as Audible books. People can now relive these coming of age stories in a whole new way or enjoy them for the very first time!”

The rest of the series will be performed by various female actors including Brittany Pressley, Ali Ahn, Emily Bauer, Lauren Fortgang, Bahni Turpin, Erin Moon, Stephany Einstein, and Vanessa Johansson. You can pre-order the first five books beginning with Kristy’s Great Idea here.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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A Letter to My “First Baby”

By Rachel Jones-Pittier

Photo: Rachel Jones-Pittier

Riding in the car that day you sat, as always, on my lap (which really meant taking up half the front seat). Daddy drove, and our meticulously packed duffel bag sat in the backseat. As we prepared to drop you off at Nana’s, it dawned on me – this might be the last time with just the three of us in the car together. Everything was about to change. And you, my sweet pup, would no longer be an “only child.”

Let’s be honest, you had it pretty good those first six years – doggy daycare, long scenic walks, a bed and toys at the office; you joined us for friends’ game nights, al fresco dinners and vacations. Some saw you just as a pet, we saw you as a family member. And we were about to add another family member – but human.

Four days after that tense drive (an eternity to you), we came home, but we weren’t alone. We brought a tiny, pungent, noisy… thing. It was hard to get a good look at it through the blanket, and you couldn’t understand why we guarded it so closely from your wet nose and eager tongue. Our nickname for the thing, “Baby Sissy,” only piqued your curiosity.

As much as we all hoped things at home would go back to normal, nighttime was anything but. Throughout the night we were interrupted by Baby Sissy’s sharp, demanding cries. I’m sure we wondered the same thing – how could a noise so loud come from something so small?? The days of snuggling up together for eight hours of uninterrupted sleep were gone.

Daytime was just as hectic. For awhile, I was not a good walk partner. A few times, Nana had to remind us to feed you. Your space was taken over by new toys and gear that you couldn’t play with. And your usual stroll around the yard for the perfect spot was cut short as we stood in the doorway with a crying… lump.

Friends had warned me that in the anxiety and sleep deprivation of those early weeks, we might take stress out on you. But it was actually the opposite – you were a reprieve. Though we loved your Baby Sissy immensely, there was so much about her that was new and unknown; but you were familiar. When I felt at my lowest, you were there to remind me it would be ok. When it seemed all Baby Sissy could do was take – my body, love, time and sleep – there you were to give. Uncomplicated, enthusiastic and overflowing with affection.

Those moments also reminded me that you’d make a great “Big Sissy.” It wasn’t overnight, but a wonderful thing happened in the time since we brought home the lump – a tiny human emerged.

Now you know Baby Sissy as the little person who drops tasty food scraps for you, squeals with delight when you enter a room and gives you whole-body hugs. We’re confident that for most of your days together, Baby Sissy will multiply the affection and love you receive – not take it away.

I know the first few months were hard on you, pup. Believe me, they were hard on us, too. But if there’s one thing I hope to communicate to you, it’s that you haven’t lost our love or your place in our family. You’ll always be my first baby.

 

Rachel Jones-Pittier
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Rachel Jones-Pittier is a millennial mom, marketer and writer based in the Twin Cities. She enjoys coffee shops, fawning over her adorable baby and dog and family trips to the cabin. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @rachrific.

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10 Things You Can Do to Help an Introverted Child Thrive

by Leah R. Singer

If you’re an introvert, you know first-hand that there are certain things you crave, solitude being one of them. But as parents, we want to help our kids get the most out of life and not be limited by their personality. If you have an introvert kid who struggles with speaking up in social situations or has a constant need for solitude, here are 10 things you can do to help him succeed.

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1. Help her know how to leave a social setting when it gets to be too much. Come up with a simple hand signal that you and your kid can use when you're at a playdate or party. This mom and her introvert son use a "v" or peace sign to indicate when he needed to escape the over stimulation.

2. Avoid over-scheduling your young introvert. These days, it's easy to look at your calendar and realize that between Scout meetings, dance lessons, soccer practice, piano rehearsal and school, there's no downtime left in the schedule. While an outgoing extrovert kid may think this is the perfect week, this schedule will cause a lot of discomfort for an introvert child.

Pan Xiaozhen via Unsplash

3. Advocate for your kid in the classroom. According to experts, it's important for parents to embrace what it means to be an introvert and to devise systems that work for these personality types. For example, telling him "just raise your hand and talk" is not an effective motivator for an introvert, encouraging him to write out his questions or what he wants to say ahead of time on an index card might be. 

4. Don't force an introvert to do extroverted things like hug people. Grandma may think there's nothing wrong with hugging her granddaughter every time she greets her. But if that little girl is an introvert who is not comfortable with physical affection, that innocent gesture may cause her quite a bit of anxiety. Instead, let your introvert how they want to show affection and let grandma know ahead of time.

James Kim via Flickr

5. Gradually expose your kid to new situations and people if they are hesitant. Your introvert may shy away from going to new places or meeting new kids because those social situations cause anxiety. The key to helping your introvert child thrive is not thrusting them into a brand new venue, but gradually bringing them into it. You don't want your kid to opt out completely, but let her navigate at her own pace.

6. Don't treat your introvert's preference for alone time as if she's emotionally distressed. Many parents worry about their child's need for solitude or his desire to spend time behind the bedroom door means they are sad or signs of depression. But for an introvert, that alone time is recharging and bring them comfort.

Public Domain Pictures via Pixaby

7. Let her recharge inside, and don't force her outside to play. "Go outside and play" is a statement you've probably uttered more than once. While it's great advice for some kids, it may not be the right instructions for an introvert child. Introverts get energy internally and may have no desire to go outside and play tag with the neighborhood kids. So, when it comes to playtime, make sure your young introvert has an indoor option.

8. Teach him how to express his feelings. If you have an introvert who has trouble expressing sadness or anger, give her the tools to share her feelings without forcing her to talk everything through. For example, encourage your kid to write in a journal or pen a letter to you. If he or she is too young to write, have your child draw his or her feelings. Another idea—reenact tough situations with stuffed animals.

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9. Get to birthday parties early. For an introvert, stepping into a crowded room of loud people can be very overwhelming. To avoid the feeling of wanting to exit the party immediately, arrive at the festivities early so your kiddo can get comfortable in her environment and perhaps find one friend she can begin talking to before more people arrive.

10. Don't shy away from sports activities; find the right match for your introvert. Just because your child is an introvert does not mean he wants to spend all his time indoors and reading. He may very well like sports or activities, but is not inclined toward team or group recreation. If that's your child, look for activities that are more suited toward individual participation. Sports such as track/running or golf may be where your kiddo thrives.

— Leah R. Singer

Featured image: Laura Fuhrman via Unsplash

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How Organizing My Home Brought Me Closer to My Son

By Nicole Pecoraro

Every night, when I put my two younger children to bed, my oldest and I dig in to some series. We pick a show or a book we will both like and we read or watch something together for a little while. It helps us connect. We’ve watched fantasy series, read Roald Dahl books, played cards and worked on puzzles and homework projects.

But usually, by the end of the day I’m so tired that TV seems like the easiest and least stressful way for us to just sit down and BE together. We grab a blanket and cuddle up and after (or for him, during) we talk about messages we saw. Things that people said and did that were “wrong” or “mean” and how people could have been different or better. It’s TV. It’s not anything special. But we turn it into something special for us.

Recently, we started watching Netflix’s Tidying Up with Marie Kondo together and it’s been so much more than a shared television show that we both happen to enjoy. It’s given us a way to connect beyond our nightly “dates” before bedtime, but throughout the day as well. My son was instantly in love with this show because organization is his “thing.” After the first night (and first episode), he woke up the next morning excited to come home from school and DO LAUNDRY!

If the idea of kids doing mundane chores around the house isn’t enough for you, it gets better.

We’ve now finished the series and every day since my son comes home from school and pulls out something new of his to purge. He shares with me stories about why certain items of clothing, books or toys he finds remind him of a memory from a family trip, a day with me or an experience he had. We’ve been able to reminisce and strike up conversations that I wouldn’t have even thought to start all because we are pulling all of the crap out of our closets and folding it into tiny squares. He tells my why things he keeps spark joy and why the things he choosing to get rid of were so good to him, but he’s moved on.

He found a picture that reminded him of a special day and he told me the entire story of every event in this one day that he remembered. It was an average ordinary day for me, but for him—it was memorable and special. It made me think of all of the times I felt as if I should have done more, been better, been more “fun” as a mom. What I see about the events of our day and the way my kids perceive them are light-years different.

I may remember the time they fell off their bike where all I did was slap on a Band Aid, boo-boo kiss it and send them on their way. But they remember it as quite possibly one of the most catastrophic injuries to date. For them, I swooped in and saved the day. They recall me sweeping in with my cape and antiseptics smothering them with love and affection and making sure they were ok. They remember the flavor popsicle they were given after. They remember the type of Band Aid, how the alcohol stung and the smile on my face when I hugged them and told them we were all done and they would be better really soon. I barely remember some of these days at all and if I do it’s a fuzzy, mere memory of some small event that at the time seemed very minor in the grand scheme of things. But for him and this day in particular, it was something so much more. And he remembers all of that.

photo: Matthew Henry via Burst 

Between the stories and working together we have strengthened our bond as mom and child. We have a common project to complete, we are a team and for once in our lives we are partners, equals. He has every right to choose his own items and he does so with attention, thought and consideration. I don’t urge or push him to keep or toss anything. It gave him a sense of independence and purpose and me a helper to get through this with my sanity in tact.

It also gave us a chance to talk about how fortunate we are. We have ALL. THIS. STUFF. Much of which we are now purging, which means we are LUCKY. We are so privileged to have been given the opportunity to not need in many ways. We might have our rough times, patches where money is tight and we have to really stick to our budget. We have to forgo on some of the extra things we love like eating out, going to the movies or picking out candy in the checkout line. There are times we feel as if we are struggling to keep it together as a family. And as a single mom that guilt rings true more often than not. But, seeing all of our things has helped us both realize that we could have it much worse off.

We’ve had discussions about donating and what it means to help others. We want to take our things we no longer need and give them to others that might not have the things they need to get through. And maybe, we will be able to put a smile on someone else’s face and give them a memory just as great as our items have brought us one day. We talk about what that means, to give to others, and why helping others is so important. It’s showed me a very generous, gracious and humble side of my son that I had only gotten glimpses of before. He’s so thoughtful and philanthropic for his age and it makes me proud that I raised him to be that way.

Not to mention that living in a house where our things are much more organized and everything “has a home” has creates so much more free time for us to do things we love and less stress looking at all of the clutter and feeling overwhelmed.

I would like to say I recommend this series as a way to “tidy up” and purge your home. But I recommend this series for SO MUCH MORE than that. Even if you don’t watch the show, you can use organizing your home as a way to promote the bond between you and your child. You’d be surprised what going through a cabinet of snacks or a toy box of old things can do for your relationship.

It’s brought us so much closer and with the house just about cleaned out and organized, we have been living in a much less cluttered, emotionally overwhelming state overall. I think the organized house helped boost our moods. But the process of getting it there is really what brought us the most “joy”—and even more so because we did it together.

featured image: Matthew Henry via Burst 

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I'm a single mom of three and realtor living in a suburb of Chicago. In my abundant spare time I like to write about parenting, family, divorce and raising a young transgender child. I'm just trying to raise kids who know how to turn off lights when they leave a room. 

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