ML Interest Tag: childhood-development

Want to Connect With Your Child? Try Technology

By Jamie Edelbrock

Xbox. Nintendo Switch. PlayStation. Netflix. YouTube. TikTok. Snapchat…Those are all words (and sometimes used as verbs in the case of Snapchat) we are used to hearing in my house because we have teenage and pre-teen children. Those words used to fill me with anxiousness because most of the time, it meant my kids had their eyes glued to a screen, and I worried they were turning into zombies while connecting to a world that I knew very little about. Not to mention connecting in a world that is technologically and socially a much different landscape than when my husband and I grew up in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Naturally, as a parent, I became concerned about too much screen time, online safety, cyberbullies, stalkers, inappropriate interactions, terrible images, and more. In my mind, technology quickly became the enemy.

To ease my anxiousness and squash my concerns, I gave my children a long list of rules, screen time restrictions and monitored everything they did online. I thought my restrictions would help our family connect more because of their time limits. Let me be clear, my intentions were pure, and it is crucial to protect your children online, but my plan was causing nothing but resentment and disconnection.

I’ve always known that connecting with my children is a critical part of their social and emotional development. One of my favorite quotes is from a Kids In The House video. In the video, ADHD specialist and Author Edward Hallowell, MD, EdD, says, “By far, the most powerful force in life for development, joy, confidence, health; is the force of connection. At its most distilled, we call it love. I think that the bond between parent and child is the single strongest emotion in all of human existence. Then it spreads out into what I call a connected childhood. It is the greatest gift you can give your child.”

With connection on my heart, I continued trying to connect with my children in various ways. We would bake cookies, create crafts, go on walks, but often they would get bored, and often as soon as we would finish spending a moment together, they would head right back to technology. I was left wondering why we didn’t feel more connected, so I started researching.

An article I found on Child Development Info says, “Try not to seem judgmental about their hobbies. If your kids aren’t hurting anyone, you shouldn’t be concerned. If they start to feel that you don’t appreciate what they love, they’ll start to push you further away.”

Wait, were my best intentions causing my children to push me away? That was the last thing I wanted. Was my own experience growing up with little to no technology creating an unconscious bias in my mind about how they should grow up? That’s when it hit me; technology may not be the enemy after all. In fact, I could use technology to our benefit and connect with my children.

Instead of just implementing more rules and red tape, I pushed my technology judgments aside and picked up a device. Please understand that I didn’t throw all rules out the window, especially ones about being safe online; I did back off a bit and started playing their video games, watching their favorite Netflix shows, and making silly faces on Snapchat. It was like magic. Suddenly, we were engaging, interacting, laughing at the same memes, and sharing inside jokes. We’ve even had entire conversations using nothing but funny gifs on iMessage. If you don’t think this is possible, try it. I assure you it is. Now, I’m still not good at any of their video games. In fact, I don’t think I’ve won a single Mario Kart race, ever. Whenever I build on Minecraft, I get confused, and I’ve never mastered a TikTok dance. But the reality is that none of that matters. What matters is that we are connecting, and we are having fun.

With technology, the sky is the limit, and you can positively expose your children to a variety of interesting things that might otherwise not be possible were it not for technology. Other ways to connect with your children through technology include:

1. Listen to a podcast of their choice

2. Follow a blog of their choice together

3. Zoom/Facetime extended family and friends together

4. Take virtual field trips

5. Movie marathons (especially Marvel!)

6. Learn TikTok dances

7. Create YouTube videos together on topics of their choosing

8.  Create digital art

9. Make digital music

10. Create memes together

11. Build an Instagram page together to highlight an important topic

12. Learn to DJ with your child

Out of curiosity, I asked my children two things. The first question was: Do they enjoyed it when we joined them online for games and connected with them via social media? All three immediately said yes. The second question I asked: Was their favorite way to connect with my husband and me through technology? While their answers were different, their message was loud and clear. My 5th grader said she likes playing Minecraft and Stardew Valley Xbox games with my husband because they spend time together. My 6th grader said she looks forward to watching our favorite Netflix or Disney Plus shows every night because she gets to spend time together as a family. My 9th grader said she likes communicating with the family via Instagram because we all send funny memes and posts. The message? They like being together.

My takeaway through all of this was that I needed to meet my kids where they were, not where I wanted them to be. They are living in a world filled to the brim with TikToks, memes, vines, YouTube clips, and more, so if you don’t speak that “language,” you face the risk of being less connected as a parent. Trust me, engage on their level, and you’ll quickly learn to speak the language. You’ll also quickly find new ways to connect, and connection is the greatest gift you can give to your child.

RELATED:
Check In with Your Children
Morning Coffee with a Side of Mom Guilt
The Surprising Thing a Pixar Movie Taught Me about Raising a Teenager

This post originally appeared on Parentology.com.

Jamie is married to her high school sweetheart and has three beautiful daughters. Through years of experience working with children, and raising her own, she knows how difficult parenting can be. She is an advocate for children's mental health and is best known for her creativity, optimism, and kind heart.

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These Mom Inventions Are Changing the Toy & Play Landscape

by Karly Wood

They say it takes a village and thankfully our tribe of moms is constantly churning out ways to help each other navigate parenting. Whether it’s inventions to reduce the daily amount of laundry, wooden baby toys that help with development or revolutionary lunch boxes that make kids excited to eat, moms have got each other’s backs. Keep scrolling to see the best mom-invented products for kids and babies.

Multicultural Play: ISH Dolls

When mom Amanda Ealla wanted to find a way for her kids to celebrate their diverse culture, ISH Dolls was created. These colorful plush dolls are designed to bring joy to children of all backgrounds and to introduce them to the avatars found in Hindu culture. This mom-owned business launched at the height of the pandemic in May 2020 with their first plush, Baby Krishna, and followed up with his companions Shiva, Lakshmi, Rama, and Sita, who will soon be joined by Durga and Saraswati (launching summer 2021).

Their clothing is designed to showcase the beauty of the culture while also empowering little ones. The Devi Collection features the goddesses Lakshmi, Durga and Saraswati with uplifting words that encourage positivity and self-expression. 

IG: @ISHDOLLS 

Online: ishdolls.com

Nostalgia on the Go: Play Maysie

Created by single adoptive mom Kayla Lupean, Play Maysie is a portable, customizable world in a case for the pint-sized bunch. Noted as “everything a dollhouse should be,” this toy is a gender-neutral classic childhood favorite that is made for adventures. Play Maysie’s design was inspired by the nostalgia of vintage tin lunchboxes. It folds out on both sides to showcase interchangeable, magnetic rooms with fixed wooden furniture—built for frustration free play, less mess and no more lost pieces! With an eye on teaching sustainability, each Play Maysie is made of eco-friendly, renewable materials for indoor and outdoor play either at home or on the go.  

At the core of the company's mission, for every three Play Maysie cases purchased, they will donate another one to a child who is entering the foster care system. Their hope is, with an integral sense of ownership, foster youth can open their Play Maysie case at any time to create an experience where they feel safe, secure, and in control during a time where nearly everything in their world is unfamiliar.

Online: playmaysie.com

STEM For All: SmartGurlz & Smart Buddies

SmartGurlz

When Sharmi Albrechtsen became frustrated trying to find educational and fun toys for her daughter in 2015, she took her experience in consumer education for STEM companies and took a leap. Seeing a world of opportunity to inspire interest in STEM-related subjects through coding, digital learning and tech, Albrechsten started SmartGurls, which later led to the creation of Smart Buddies. Using a tablet or smart phone, Smart Buddies programmable self-balancing scooters that kids code to do all sorts of actions, like zoom and spin. The introduction to coding further teaches kids to create sequences, loops, events, conditionals, functions, and variables and most importantly, get excited about STEM!

Online: smartbuddies.com

Cognitive Development for Every Age & Stage: Lovevery

Lovevery

Co-founder and CEO Jessica Rolph came up with the idea for Lovevery after reading a doctoral thesis on infant brain development. Also a founding partner at Happy Family, the mom of three wanted to nourish her baby's developing brain as much as his body. In response, she began making her own toys for cognitive development at each stage. Now, Lovevery offers subscription boxes with toys, tools and information that gives parents the confidence they are helping their kids learn and grow.

Online: lovevery.com

Montessori Delivered: Monti Kids

When Zahra Kassam learned that 85% of a child’s brain is formed by age three, before they even go to school, she knew that she had to do something, especially being a new parent herself. So, she created Monti Kids, the only program for children 0-3 that gives parents in-home access to the Montessori curriculum. Via an easy-to-use subscription service, parents receive eight levels of age-appropriate toys, delivered every three months, with free access to online classes, one-on-one support and a private community moderated by child development experts and Montessori.

Online: montikids.com

Mornings Made Easy: The Original Stretchlace

Original Stretchlace

It was during the morning-prep-for-school chaos when Jamie Montz came up with the idea for the Original Stretchlace. She had three boys all in different stages of learning to tie their shoes—the oldest still needed help re-lacing high tops, the middle was mastering tying (at a less-than-ideal pace) and the little one wanted to ditch the velcro for laces like his brothers. Oh boy! Jamie knew there had to be a better way so she scoured the market for elastic laces that looked good enough and instead she found elastic laces with locks, clips, clasps and boring colors. That wasn't going to cut it so the Original Stretchlace was born!

Online: theoriginalstretchlace.com

Nail Polish You Can Feel Good About: Piggy Paint

Piggy Paint

Melanie Hurley's girls were the motivation behind Piggy Paint, and they continue to inspire her daily. She started Piggy Paint when they were two and four as she was always concerned about the chemicals found in traditional nail polish. She started looking for a safer alternative and couldn’t find any. Thus, Piggy Paint was born! Piggy Paint is non-toxic, virtually odorless and free of all harsh, smelly chemicals. This water-based nail polish dries to a hard finish that doesn’t wash or peel off—cruelty-free, vegan and kid-friendly!

Online: piggypaint.com

Reduce Your Laundry One Towel at a Time: My Buddy Towel

Angelyn Myers, mom of six, turned the idea for My Buddy Towel into a product in less than a year. The Original My “Buddy” Towel® was created out of frustration (as are many good products)! Her daughter would always use three towels after a bath and Angie was tired of the unnecessary towel laundry piling up. She turned to Google to hopefully buy a solution. There were hooded kids towels, or bath robes, but she had already tried those with no luck. Angie needed something with full coverage, high absorbency that covered the whole body. She had frog and pink flamingo prototypes made and her daughter has only used one towel ever since—The Original My “Buddy” Towel®.

Online: mybuddytowel.com

Picky Eater Solution: OmieBox

Nancy Yen

Nancy Yen has over 15 years of experience bringing game-changing new products to market, with a focus in the kids and baby space. At Gap Inc. Nancy did merchandising and consumer insights, as well as supported the development of new store concepts (BabyGap Home). With an MBA from Stanford Business School, it’s no secret that she’s a savvy businesswoman. But when her own son, was a picky eater and underweight, she came up with possibly her best business idea yet! Searching for a lunchbox that could hold both hot and cold foods, she found there was nothing on the market—and OmieBox was born. It’s an innovative Bento-style food container that features separate temperature zones! You can find OmieBox at Amazon.com and the OmieLife website.

Shop for one here: omielife.com

Love Conquers All: Love Powered Littles

lovepowerco.com

Toronto moms Anna Lozano and Lindy Sood started Love Powered Co. in 2017 with the goal of improving the lives of families. After successful business careers, both moms wanted to achieve a better work-life balance, and also create positive change in the world using tools for mindfulness and compassion. They just debuted the Love Powered Littles Box Set, a set of 22 affirmation cards to help children affirm their own greatness—I am loved, I am compassionate, I am kind—and six bonus cards to help parents in this positive journey. These cards reaffirm children’s natural brilliance, power, compassion and strength. And we are betting they are going to be healing for parents too.

Online: lovepoweredco.com

Lighting It Up: RunLites

RunLites

Invented by an avid runner and working mother of three, Mary Tiffin created RunLites gloves and mittens because (like so many moms) she did most of her running and exercising at night and was frustrated by inefficient flashlights and headlamps. These gloves with built-in, rechargeable LED lights are comfortable, easy-to-wear and perfect for illuminating your path as you need it (and are also killer for helping you find stuff in the bottom of your giant purse). They are easy to spot and increase visibility dramatically. Tiffin also discovered that a glove with a built-in light added to her children’s visibility when walking at night or when waiting for the bus stop on winter mornings when it was still dark. They come in fingerless and full-gloved styles as well as mitten (and even a sling model for hotter months) and run from XS to larger sizes for adults and they even have a little pocket for you slide in cash and keys (We found the XS was a good fit for a child around 5 or 6, but it does depend on the size of your kiddo.). Prices range from $24.95 and up.

Online: gorunlites.com

Step to Success: easyGokids

easyGokids

Inventor and mom Wendi Cooper will be the first to tell you: kids with dangling feet while going to the bathroom face a host of issues including pain and discomfort. Not to mention that many children experience constipation and without proper toilet posture, this can go from bad to worse. From numbness to difficulty pushing and strain, Wendi knew there was a better way and she knew she wanted to help. While there are plenty of bathroom footstools out there, this is the first of its kind to fit right up against any toilet and easily tucks away when not in use so it never gets in the way. It comes in four different colors and takes up barely any room compared to other clunky stools. It is “compact, cool and discreet.” Your kiddos can sit with proper toilet posture and relax, every time, just like nature intended. Retail price start at $26.99.

Online: easyGokids.com

Literary Inclusion: Princess Cupcake Jones

Ylleya Fields was reading to her oldest daughter when she was surprised at how few books were available that featured African American characters. In response, the mom of four girls and two boys began writing her own stories that blended the personalities and physical traits of her own daughters into a lovable character: Princess Cupcake Jones. Now, the author has five books in her series, with an interactive website that features downloadable activities and merchandise all dedicated to her main character.

Online: princesscupcakejones.com

Read On: Literati Book Club

Kelly Carroll

Problem: Parents want their kids to have exposure to new and engaging books, but with so many new releases and busy, busy lives, they don’t always know what to choose (or have time to choose them). Solution: Literati Book Club, a subscription book service founded by two busy moms who wanted to make sure kids could get vetted, awesome new books delivered right to their door. Kelly Carroll teamed up with Jessica Ewing and started Literati Book Club. They work with top-educators and librarians to hand-pick five beautiful new books every month with a fun theme (science, friendship, adventure, history, etc.). You select the book club based on your kids' age and development (up to nine years old) and the books come each month. You have a week to read them, decide what you want to keep, and send the rest back. You are only charged for the ones you keep.  We love Literati so much we recommended it in our gift guide this year.

Online: literatibooks.com

—Kate Loweth, Amber Guetebier, Erin Lem and Karly Wood

All photos provided by companies 

 

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“We Can Do Hard Things:” Building Resilience in Kids

By PBS KIDS

My 6-year-old was excited to make a star out of sticks and string, but as the materials tangled, his frustration spiked. So we took a break and went on a walk together.

“Do you remember when you were learning how to ride a bike?” I said. “You fell down a lot at first, and you got really frustrated sometimes, but you didn’t give up. Now you ride around like a pro. Everything new takes practice, but you always figure it out.”

Childhood is all about growing, on the outside and inside. Tasks adults take for granted—like buttoning a jacket—require practice to master. Every time our kids work through these big and small challenges, they are building their skills for resilience and perseverance. These aren’t fixed traits that kids are born with. Rather, they develop slowly through life experience, practice, and with the support of caring adults.

“Donkey Hodie,” a new puppet series from PBS KIDS, draws its inspiration from Fred Rogers and his mission to help young viewers navigate the challenges of childhood. In each episode, characters set goals, encounter obstacles, explore and test solutions, experience failure, and persist toward their goal, asking for help as needed. While the show is set in the whimsical land of Someplace Else, it models a problem-solving process that kids and parents will readily recognize.

Here are 4 ways parents and caregivers can support this vital effort to help kids build perseverance and resilience.

1. Help Children Name Their Goals
Goals are powerful, even for kids. They want to learn how to tie their shoes, shoot a basket, buckle their seatbelt, write their name, cut with scissors, walk the dog, learn a new game, make a new friend, name all the dinosaurs, build a tower, and find ways to be helpful, and become contributing members of their families and classrooms.

When children can name a small goal they want to accomplish, it can help them focus their attention, explore strategies, and persist when things go wrong. And it helps us, as caregivers, celebrate their successes. “You did it! You learned how to zip up your coat all by yourself!”

2. Help Children Work through Tough Emotions
Sometimes, learning and growing can be really frustrating. A little empathy can go a long way in helping kids find the strength to try, try again. Try a simple phrase like this: “You spent a long time building that tower and then it fell. That’s super frustrating!”

Calming big emotions is a vital step that comes before problem-solving. In the story “Royal Sandcastle Builders,” Donkey, King Friday, and Purple Panda sing about the different ways they practiced calming down after getting frustrated at trying to build a sandcastle. And then they are able to try again! When kids are in the middle of an emotional storm, it’s unrealistic to expect them to brainstorm solutions! But when the storm passes, we can be there to help them think about what to do next.

3. Praise Children’s Efforts & Be Specific
Generic praise—such as “Wow!” or “Good work!” or “Nice!”—is warm and supportive. But descriptive praise is even more powerful because it’s specific and helps kids make the connection between what they are doing and what they are learning.

This language shift can be pretty simple. Just describe what you notice. “Good work” can become “Good work figuring out how to share with your sister.” “Nice!” can become “Nice! I like all the different colors you used in this picture.”

When we offer specific observations, we show our kids that we are paying attention to them. We see their effort. And when it comes to building perseverance and resilience, effort matters more than the outcome.

4. Use Stories to Teach Them about “Yet.”
There’s a big difference, emotionally, between the phrase, “I can’t do it!” and “I can’t do it, yet.” The word “yet” is a bridge between present frustration and future possibility. Stories are a great tool for inspiring kids to persevere, especially when they hear and watch stories about characters who work through challenges. We can also tell children stories about themselves! My kids love hearing stories about how they turned a struggle into an achievement. It helps them feel proud and reminds them that they can do hard things.

Growing up is hard, amazing work. Kids deserve supportive adults by their side, offering encouragement and celebrating all the ways they are growing.

—By Deborah Farmer Kris
Deborah Farmer Kris is a writer, teacher, parent educator, and school administrator. She works on parenting projects for PBS KIDS for Parents and writes about education for MindShift, an NPR learning blog. Deborah has two kids who love to test every theory she’s ever had about child development! Mostly, she loves finding and sharing nuggets of practical wisdom that can help kids and families thrive — including her own. You can follow her on Twitter @dfkris.

This post originally appeared on PBS KIDS for Parents.

PBS KIDS believes the world is full of possibilities, and so is every child. As the number one educational media brand for kids, PBS KIDS helps children learn life lessons, explore their feelings and discover new adventures, while seeing themselves uniquely reflected and celebrated in lovable, diverse characters through television, digital media, and community-based programs. 

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Can Video Games Help a Child’s Learning & Development?

By Sarah Daren

Photo: Marta Wave

Ever since video games first came out, parents have been given dire warnings about the effects of letting kids play them. There have been claims that they negatively impact child development and can increase violent behavior.

But is this really true? It depends on the game. While it’s true that your 5-year-old probably shouldn’t be playing Call of Duty, there are lots of kid-appropriate options that can actually be beneficial. Many modern video games designed for kids have a great deal of educational potential and can help children gain new skills.

Now that they’ve been around for a while, we know a lot more about why video games are so attractive to kids and about the potential they have for positive learning, development, and creativity. Here’s why some video games can be a great addition to any child’s learning plan.

The Developmental Benefits of Gaming

There are some great developmental benefits that go along with educational video games. Children can learn how to problem-solve in order to advance within some games while others allow them to express and build their creativity. Many of these games also offer strong and relatable characters who can help children develop important social skills.

The key to unlocking these developmental benefits is to choose your child’s games carefully and to stay involved in their experience. Don’t just choose games for their entertainment value, choose games that will teach kids educational content or help them build their skills and confidence.

Don’t just leave them alone at the computer for hours. To really get the developmental benefits out of the games, ask questions about what they’re doing and praise their effort. Another good interactive option is to play exercise-based video games together to boost mood and brain function and to build the foundations for lifelong fitness as a family.

Video Game Therapy for Kids

While research indicates that letting children play violent video games probably isn’t a good idea, other studies show that there are lots of opportunities for interactive games in helping children not just to develop, but to support their mental health needs as well. Some psychologists are beginning to see the benefits of using video games as a therapy tool. “Gamification,” (using the rules of games for practical applications) they claim, has the potential to help promote well-being and address mental health problems in young people.

The researchers dive into four main benefits that modern video games can provide: cognitive, motivational, emotional, and social. Using video games appropriately in therapy could be a great way to engage kids and cater to their specific needs.

While they acknowledge that there is still more research that needs to be done and more in terms of game design to create appropriate therapy tools, it shows promise. Many mental health professionals are very excited about the emerging use of gamification in counseling.

Video Game Therapy for Children with Learning Disabilities

It can be a challenge to engage with children who have learning disabilities or struggle with social and emotional skills. Some children have communication issues or struggle with basic learning concepts. For these children, sitting down and studying more isn’t always the right option.

Video games can be a great way to engage kids with learning disabilities. These activities are fun and exciting enough to encourage interactive learning and present information in a new way. Children who struggle to retain information might learn better through a game that’s designed for their disability, such as Fast ForWord, which is made specifically to help children with dyslexia learn language and reading skills.

VR Will Change the Way We Teach

During the pandemic, many students found out what it was like to learn virtually. Although we hope students will be able to continue in-person learning now that the pandemic is waning, we might continue to use virtual tools to enhance and change the way we teach children.

VR (virtual reality) is a tool that could really make a difference in students’ lives, especially when paired with video games that help children develop skills and cognitive abilities. Games with VR capabilities have come a long way in the last few years and could be merged with these interactive, educational games designed for kids to enhance interactivity and improve distance learning.

We’ve come a long way from the days when “experts” believed that video games would be society’s downfall. We know better now, and a more balanced view of video games is helping kids learn, grow, and thrive.

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach. 

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Being Okay with the Stage of Motherhood You’re In Now

By Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP

Photo: Bruno Nascimento via Unsplash

I just finished an early morning exercise class. It was only 45 minutes long. By about minute 40, right when the final stretch got underway, I took a second to look around. Half the class had vacated the room and were on their way to the showers, rushing out to the rest of their days.

Now, I get that people have busy lives. I’ve definitely been in the “hurry out the door” pack before. There are times that important meetings or tasks take us quickly from checkbox to checkbox on our daily to-do list—no judgment there. But, still, the hasty mass exodus struck me as a powerful metaphor for the angst of early parenthood. For the frustration most all of us face as we hold our screaming newborn (or toddler) in the middle of the night and say to ourselves, “When will this be over? Can I just skip ahead? I’d like to leave this stage a little early.”

It’s so normal to wish away the painful parts of parenting, despite the admonishments of those further along the parenting path to “treasure the time you have.” I swear, those people must have memory loss. There are plenty of infant and toddler precious moments but there are also plenty more moments of pure stress and strife.

The real danger isn’t just with wishing the nasty parts away. It’s with these two fatal mistakes: 1. Trying to fix every natural stage a child goes through and 2. Expecting the transition through those stages to progress in a straight line, instead of a messy zig-zag.

It’s a trap reserved mostly for first-time moms and dads, but all second-timers fall into it from time to time, too, especially when they have more than one kid to juggle. I see it a lot in my practice. While a lot of new parents understand pretty quickly that feeding troubles and sleepless nights are just part of the game, some seem to bang their head against the wall with what seems like shock and terror as each new developmental stage (and headache) arises. They can’t seem to accept that certain childhood behaviors are just a normal part of growing up. And, while I’m impressed by their tenacious desire and willingness to problem-solve, sometimes I think they’ve been misled along the way by their friends and by our society.

No one tells them this crucial parenting pearl: yes, we can prevent and address a lot of health issues that come up for newborns and young kids but some things (like cluster feeding, sleep regressions and colic) are more about muddling through with the right perspective than they are about finding quick-fix solutions. Some things just take time to get better (major caveat here: if you have a serious health concern about your child and are worried about their safety or about potential illness, contact your doctor right away).

Plus (and don’t let this get you too depressed but it’s totally true), seasoned parents know that it’s not worth it to wish too hard for each stage to pass because they ALL have some annoying component in the early years. As soon as you breathe a sigh of relief that the “Terrible Twos” are over, in come the “Threenagers.” I mean, why do we even bother naming separate stages of annoyance for early childhood?

Please don’t misunderstand me. There are amazing, chart-topping experiences sprinkled in between the pain points. Like last night, when my eldest scampered up the stairs to sit through her baby sister’s bedtime story and song, crooning right alongside me to “Good Night My Someone,” my husband grinning as the two shared a hug and an Eskimo kiss. I tried my hardest to seal our fleeting seconds of peace into my memory, onto my parenting balance sheet.

So why is it so hard for us to get okay with the place we are in on our motherhood journey?

The more I struggle in my own house and watch others do the same, the more clearly I see the true reason: The rest of our lives, on the surface, have some semblance of controllability. All of our two-hour grocery delivery options and pick-up dry cleaning services trick us into thinking that, if we just complain to the right customer-service agent or do the right google search, we can fix most anything. We can get anything faster if we just pay more for it. Resolution is an easy click away. When we look deeper, though, nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to the challenges of non-consumer life.

Plus, we’ve made our vision of perfect parenthood a nostalgic mess. It can seem like the bar is set too high to ever reach modern-day parenting perfection. The further we get away from living with a village mentality – where we are sharing experiences and burdens with other parents and multigenerational mentors – the harder it is to see the truth clearly: no parent or child is perfect – we all have troubles and trials.

So what can we do? Get educated about normal baby and child development. Get mindful. Prioritize self-care. Plan really enjoyable, special one-on-one moments with our kids to balance out the negative drama. Surround ourselves with other parents who get it and with experienced confidants who can give perspective. Then, relax, get comfy and wait.

There are seasons. Seasons of struggle. Seasons of celebration. Seasons of muddling through. And, seasons of letting it ride -just being okay with the stage of motherhood we’re in now.

Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I'm a pediatrician and a mama mindset expert. I host The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, and am a mom to two young girls in Portland, Oregon. I'm also author of The New Baby Blueprint and The Working Mom Blueprint from the American Academy of Pediatrics. 

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I’m Not like Most 25-Year-Old Moms

By Samira Soto

Photo: Samira Soto

I’m a young mom, 25 now to be exact. When you become a mom in your early 20s the pressures are different than I feel like those in their 30s.

Girls’ nights are mandatory and happen probably way too often. We’re praised for the simplest things like keeping our children alive.

There’s no pressure to be the perfect PTA mom driving around in our minivans, because truthfully in a lot of ways we’re still kids ourselves trying to navigate adulthood.

We are the first in line for our Pumpkin Spice Lattes as soon as they hit Starbucks, and “vibe” is a part of our daily vocabulary. And we just now are starting to get excited over vacuums, air-fryers, new pots, and pans.

So what would bring a young mom like myself and a group of amazing women who are nothing like me together?

Autism.

See I’m not like most 25-year-old moms.

My days aren’t spent shopping the latest IG small business shops for trendy clothes for my son Kanen. They aren’t spent going to the zoo, or the park, or playdates with friends. They aren’t spent in fun pre-school classes like gymnastics and music.

My days look a lot like: Therapy on top of therapy. There’s speech, OT, ABA. Oh! And you can’t forget the Child Development Specialist Insurance agencies, and doctors—so many doctors.

Did I remember to schedule that appointment?

They just upped his dosage, what do you mean the insurance won’t cover the medication now?!

After Kanen’s diagnosis in September, I had never felt so lost and confused ever in my life. I didn’t know where or who to even turn to.

I felt isolated as my life quickly began to change, the fear of the unknown started settling in and was consuming me whole.

The thoughts, the wonder, the worries, the why!!!??? They played over and over in my head like it’s Groundhog Day.

During this time my Nana had been following a page called Finding Cooper’s Voice. Whenever I would call, she would talk to me about Kate and Cooper and constantly tell me how I should follow their page. 

In the beginning, I totally brushed her off, because of course, my first thought was, “There is no way this mom can understand how I feel! No one can!”

Of course, I was wrong, oh boy was I wrong.

And this is how one Facebook group, and ladies who are “nothing like me” saved my life on this autism journey.

See Kate has been on this journey for longer than I have, she is what I would call a veteran in my eyes. She saw all that was wrong in this community and found a way that moms like me have a safe space. Enter: Coop’s Troop.

Yet the more I opened my heart, and asked, and read, and listened to these women and their children’s stories, I realized I had more in common with them than most people my age.

I realized I had a lot more to learn from these moms than I could from any other resource within my reach. More than any book I could read. Because unlike most people in my life, they understand my struggles and my frustrations.

They understand the miracle of a spoken word, and like me will never take for granted the smallest milestone.

They taught me to turn my worry into wonder. 

To remind me on the bad days that this journey is a marathon, not a sprint.

It is because of the amazing woman I have found through Coop’s Troop that I was encouraged and inspired to start My Charming Arley…to write about our story, to share our struggles and our smiles.

Because no two Autism journeys are ever alike.

I encourage any mom, either new or seasoned on this Autism journey to follow Finding Cooper’s Voice and do yourself an even bigger favor and join Coop’s Troop.

I promise you won’t regret it.

Samira is a 25 year old single mom to a 2 year old son Kanen Arley. Her son Kanen was diagnosed with severe non-verbal autism in September of 2020, which inspired her to start sharing their journey through My Charming Arley on Facebook and Samirasstella on Instagram.

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Trying to Keep Up With Distance Learning? These Tips Will Actually Help

by Erin Lem
Partner Content

It’s safe to say that every child’s education has changed significantly over the last year. While for some kids school might mean in-person, for lots of kids across the US, your child is either remote learning full time or in a hybrid-model. Our editors live, work and mom across the country so we have a wide-range of experience, from preschool pods to high-school hybrids. Here are some of the tips that we swear will help keep your family on track.

This post is sponsored by Osmo, interactive technology that makes at-home learning fun and hands on.

Jesseca, New York Calendar Editor, Mom to a 7th Grader and soon-to-be baby girl

Schedules!!! My daughter is in 7th, but keeping her to a schedule was super important. It’s so easy to get distracted at home, even at her age. Also, dedicate a space just for school work if you can so when they sit in that chair or at that table they know it’s time for school.

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Jamie, Copywriter, Mom to a preschooler and two year old

Trying to keep a preschooler engaged in online learning is like waiting for a pig to fly: not going to happen. I nearly flew off the ground myself when we found a tool that he LOVES, combining learning and laughs—Osmo! This smart tool turns a tablet into an interactive learning game. The way that these lovable characters engage kids in games that sneak in smarts is unique in that it's one-on-one interactive. Osmo can "see" how he's doing with an activity and responds in real-time. This personal attention helps my kid focus, connect, learn and have a blast doing it. Math, spelling, reading, art, and even coding—these kits have it all covered, and they come in sets based on your kid's age, with options for ages 3-5 and ages 6-10. And now I can put my feet up for a sec and officially be "off-duty" as a teacher for a while. 

Learn more about how Osmo is transforming how kids learn!

Beth, San Diego Editor, Mom to a 4th and 8th grader

I try to schedule snack breaks/recess breaks/lunch around the same time they'll have them at school when it resumes. Also, dedicate a finite amount of time to each task to lessen burnout and frustration. If you're their first foray into "real" school, you want to make positive associations with the lessons, so if things aren't working, take a movement break.

My kids learn better when moving, so we'd walk the dog to learn multiplication tables (I'd quiz them while walking), or I'd have them bounce or kick a ball or dance around the room to learn facts. Sitting still can often be the enemy for kinetic learners. I know at school they may not have the liberty to move around, but may as well take advantage of it at home.

Don't ever underestimate reading aloud to them. I swear my kids are the people they are today because from a young age we read them all the classics aloud, including Charlotte's Web, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, all Roald Dahl's books and more. I think reading is the single most important thing a family can do together when it comes to furthering their education.

And, for those with young kids, I read a good tip. Pack their lunches in whatever containers they'll use when school starts to make sure they can easily negotiate all the lids, snaps, etc. on their own and to see what they can eat in what amount of time (i.e. a 20 minute school lunch break when they eventually return to the classroom).

This post is sponsored by Osmo, interactive technology that makes at-home learning fun and hands on.

Shelley, Atlanta Editor and mom to a 6th, 4th and 1st grader and preschooler

Western Chief

Our schools shut down last spring and I had four kids (my Kindergartner at the time was in a dual language program) at home distance learning from March until May. We crank up again soon. Here are some things that helped me:

1. Tequila has fewer calories than wine.

2. Most of my frustration was in troubleshooting the different platforms. Try to give yourself some time before they get started each day to boot up the computer, pull up the agenda, print out the worksheets, and pull together any supplies you need. In those early elementary ages, lots of the activities are hands-on, so you'll save yourself some headache by getting ahead of the daily rush to find Elmer's.

3. Schedule breaks, and force them away from the computer. Our teachers gave us a LOT of optional activities for them to do on the computer, and my kindergartener loved some of them. During his breaks, he'd want to play them—which led to burnout by the end of the curriculum part of the day.

4. Make them run around outside for a bit between breakfast and when they sit down at the computer, if you can.

5. Incentive charts to get you through the week worked really well for me. I think it helped mine keep track of what day it was during the week, and I just customized it for whatever I needed from each kid (not getting on recreational screens until after "school" ends, chores are finished, and some form of outdoor exercise completed for the 11 year-old, etc.).

Andie, Spoke Contributor Network Editor, Mom to a 1st and 6th grader

Did you know prosecco is also significantly lower in calories than wine?

But in all seriousness, I found the below attention-span breakdown incredibly helpful to know which can help set my own expectations. And, if something is causing frustration, abandon ship and try again another time. Break whatever you’re doing down into smaller/more manageable bites or do your own version in some other way.

Childhood development experts generally say that a reasonable attention span to expect of a child is two to three minutes per year of their age. That's the period of time for which a typical child can maintain focus on a given task.

Average attention spans work out like this:

  • 2 years old: four to six minutes
  • 4 years old: eight to 12 minutes
  • 6 years old: 12 to 18 minutes
  • 8 years old: 16 to 24 minutes
  • 10 years old: 20 to 30 minutes
  • 12 years old: 24 to 36 minutes
  • 14 years old: 28 to 42 minutes
  • 16 years old: 32 to 48 minutes

Amber, Managing Editor, Mom to a 4th grader

The designated place to do the work is key. We didn't have that for H and it made things harder, so we're setting it up now and getting his "input" on his own desk. My idea is to make a long desk that another adult can sit at next to him (but that's a whole other project).

Also, a big white board or printout for your daily meetings helps. We never went to the stage of having actual printed calendars but every morning we check in and say "What meetings do you have?" And coordinate the times, make sure he’s set up with a book or whatever he's supposed to be doing at the same time as a meeting I need to focus on. I want the whiteboard to make it clear to everyone in the house the times I am NOT available as well.

Try not to feel guilty if you are getting stuff done and your kids are online more than usual. We were like a zero screen time during the week family before Covid. Ha! I laugh in the face of February 2020-Amber.

Another tip is not exactly school-related, but allow your kids a time to hangout online with some of the other kids and just chat/share. Some teachers facilitate this, but we just coordinated directly with a couple of the parents.(There may be restrictions on your school's accounts being able to do zooms or hangouts.) But you can even just use Facetime with another parent, and let your kids build, play, color, talk to another kid while they're doing it to help form bonds.  I'm usually in the room, but I try to give him some space to goof off with his friends. We also found we could use it as a motivator: if you want to do your google hangout with Oliver, by 2 p.m. on Friday you need to be done with xyz. So we scheduled those casual things for Fridays whenever possible.

This post is sponsored by Osmo, interactive technology that makes at-home learning fun and hands on.

Kate, Bay Area Editor and Content + Calendar Manager, Mom to 4th, 6th and 7th grader

My older two are pretty self-sufficient (YAY) but for my youngest (4th grade this year) we had to get everything all planned out on the weekend so he'd be in the right frame of mind when school started Monday morning. I had bins for each of his subjects (from the Dollar Store) and he would keep his book, workbook, homework and lesson plan for the week in there. This helped a lot so he wasn't scrambling to find assignments and getting stressed out. He'd just grab the bin for that subject and it was all there. It made him 90% self-sufficient by the end of the school year.

I also tried to be extra chill about it all because he puts a lot of pressure on himself already. So if there was an assignment that was causing a lot of stress for him, we'd just table it. If it meant that he was going to turn it in late, so be it. He'd work on these with his tutor or I'd let the teacher know that it was just too much and she was fine with that. For me, the mental stuff was more important than the actual classwork.

I'd get the kids learning to type sooner than later. I had them focus on this over the summer. This is the program we used.

I found that using a timer with my youngest was so helpful. He used a FitBit and was able to set the timer himself so that he could give himself a five minute break between assignments. He wasn't allowed to use screens during this time, had to be active or outside at least. It helped as a brain reset but was short enough so he didn't lose momentum.

It took a few weeks but we definitely got our flow going and now they aren't even worried about the online learning at all.

Allison, Seattle Editor, Mom to a two, nine and 12 year old.

One thing we're working on this year is figuring out "gym class" so the kids get exercise, have a chance to play and get to take a brain break too. With so many things being shut down, it's tough. But we're looking into horseback riding lessons and private swim lessons, maybe tennis or golf? Some of the lower risk activities where it's one-on-one with an instructor that's actually structured. My neighbor coaches Girls on the Run and he's planning on getting a program together for the kids we can all use. My kids need that time and I'm not good at making it happen, so I feel like I have to outsource it.

We're also trying to figure out how to supplement the arts at home (band, music, art they'd normally get at school) and really make it structured. My son plays saxophone and loves it. So looking for virtual lessons or a private instructor. Art kits are another hit with my kids.

Other than that, white boards are life.

 

Do you have other tips that worked for your family? Share this story on your social pages and add your two cents, and tag Red Tricycle. We can’t wait to see your ideas!

—Erin Lem, with invaluable advice from Jesseca Stenson, Beth Shea, Shelley Massey, Andie Huber, Amber Guetebier, Kate Loweth, Allison Sutcliffe and Jamie Aderski

 

RELATED STORIES:

100+ Online Learning Resources, from Toddler to Teen

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Virtual Resources for Learning Science at Home

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This New Parenting Resource Is Beyond Innovative & It’s Just for Dads

by Erica Loop

Movember recently debuted the Family Man platform—and it’s the parenting resource dad didn’t even know he needed.

According to Movember, 51 percent of men say they’re not aware of fatherhood-specific resources. Here’s where Family Man comes in: the new platform is devoted to dads and everything they’ll experience with their littles.

photo: Biova Nakou via Pexels

The platform features animated choose-your-own-adventure style episodes that let dad work his way through common situations they may encounter with their kiddos. The three episodes all feature a dad as the main character, giving fathers everywhere the chance to see what fathers experience and the challenges they may face.

As the Family Man dad makes his way through each challenge, the IRL dad platform-user can respond in their own way. The program responds to the user’s choices, gives feedback, and helps dad learn how he can take what he learns on Family Man and put it to work in real life.

Family Man provides dads with evidence-based strategies that work for real families—and not just theoretical child development or parenting ideas. The tools dad is given through the site are designed to work for children of all ages (especially those between ages two and eight) and kids of differing abilities or with different needs.

Dads everywhere can access the new platform at the Family Man website.

—Erica Loop

 

RELATED STORIES

Here’s Why Regular Bedtimes Are So Important, According to Science

3 Parenting Trends That Are Here to Stay, According to Dr. Harvey Karp

How Long Do Parents Lose Sleep After Having a Kid? You Should Probably Sit Down

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Delaying Preschool or Daycare Because of COVID-19? Here’s What to Do at Home

By Shefali Shah

While many parents start looking for a daycare as soon as they find out they are expecting some parents are delaying preschool or daycare and are choosing to start with a nanny. Before the age of two babies can get a great deal of social interaction from just their immediate family and a caregiver. Eventually, parents start to look at daycare to provide an opportunity to truly practice playing with others.

With the onset of COVID-19, many parents have been forced to delay their toddler’s entry into daycare or preschool. Also, with fewer in-person classes and storytimes available, toddlers are missing out on valuable opportunities to practice their social skills and interact with other kids their age.

A big concern for parents who are delaying preschool or daycare is that without the typically structured setting of a daycare or class their child is going to fall behind. However, there are things you can do at home with your child to help mimic some of the things they would learn at daycare. Practicing these things right now will help your child be more prepared when you do feel ready to send them.

Keep a Schedule or a Routine

Daycares tend to follow a routine or a schedule at all ages. This helps the child understand what to expect and not be taken by surprise when it’s time to end one activity and transition to the next. Parents can implement a similar routine at home. Every minute does not have to be planned out but having fixed times for meals, snacks, rest, and free play can help establish calm and order at home. It also helps kids gain independence as they begin to anticipate what’s next and take pride in knowing what to do next.

Practice Sharing

Let’s say you’re coloring with your toddler and he or she demands the red crayon. It can be easy to quickly hand it over to avoid a massive tantrum but that’s not going to teach your child how to interact with his or her peers. Instead, tell your child that you are still using it and will hand it over when you are done. Then take 10-15 seconds to finish up and give your child the crayon. They will start to learn how to ask and how to wait when someone is not done using an item they need.

Establish Mealtime Rules

It might be ok for your child to walk around the house with a snack in one hand and a favorite toy in another but at daycare, it’s expected that they sit down and eat nicely with others. Snack time and meal times are a chance to connect with others in a different way than they do when they play. Create a routine where you eat meals together at the table. Perhaps serve certain items family-style so that your toddler can help practice serving themselves and others. You can even infuse math into snacktime by helping your toddler count crackers or pretzels for both of you!

Encourage Independence

At daycare, your child will be one of several which means that they will not be able to ask the caregiver to do everything for them. Find ways to help your child become more independent. Here are a few skills to work on:

  • Can they take their shoes on and off or can they at least bring you their shoes and socks?
  • Can they put on their coats themselves? (Tip: Google “coat flip trick” for an easy way to teach this)
  • Can they throw out their own trash?
  • Do they help clean-up when it’s time to end an activity?
  • Do they help with chores like putting away laundry or wiping down a table?
  • Do they know how to ask for help?
  • Can they wash their hands with soap?

Practice Using Messy Materials

As a parent, we often avoid activities that have a high likelihood of making a mess. That includes things like glue, paint, glitter, markers, etc. While parents love receiving a homemade craft from their child they also love it when their child makes them at daycare and they don’t have to be the ones to clean-up. However, it’s important that you give your child plenty of opportunities to practice using messy materials. Learning how to use things like glue and scissors is an important milestone in childhood development. Teach your child how to make a mess responsibly by putting down a mat or using a tray to help contain the materials. Invest in a child-sized smock or keep an old large t-shirt handy when doing things like painting. Lastly, make sure you are not cleaning up alone. Your toddler will love the opportunity to wash brushes in the sink and sweep up sequins (warning: there is no magic vacuum that is able to pick up all the sequins).

Delaying preschool or daycare is a tough decision for any parent. But you shouldn’t focus too much on how much your child is missing right now due to COVID-19. Providing a safe and loving environment at home will help your child grow even without the presence of peers. Remember that most parents are going through the same thing as you so it’s likely that being around peers will be a new experience for many children. Lastly, children are incredibly adaptable and will quickly get up to speed when they do have the chance to be more social.

This post originally appeared on Upfront Blog.

Shefali Shah is the Co-Founder of Upfront, the company that makes prices public and searchable in the daycare industry. She was formerly at Google and loves exploring new cities, making elaborate recipes, and finding reasons to celebrate with family and friends. Shefali resides in Baltimore, MD with her husband and two small children.

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10 Afterschool Activities for Kids That Need Action!

By Michelle Worth

It’s 4 p.m. and you finally close the laptop as your child’s virtual school day ends. Or, maybe your child physically went to school today but had limited time at the playground. And it shows. They need action!

Physical activity helps a child stay regulated (process and adjust to their environment) and promotes the maturation of their nervous system. Due to the Coronavirus pandemic, it is even more important to make children’s physical wellbeing a priority to combat the potential negative effects on their physical, social, and psychological health. Physical activity in children is even associated with higher academic performance!

These top 10 afterschool activities are perfect for getting the wiggles out of your kids, no matter what materials or space you have!

1. Obstacle Course
Give your child a minimum of 3 to 4 steps. Get creative with what you have at home (both indoors and outdoors) when coming up with tasks at each “station”. A few ideas to start with: throw balls into a laundry basket, do 10 jumping jacks, jump in and out of a hoola-hoop, crawl under chairs. Try getting your child to complete as much of the course as independently as they can. Challenge them to remember each step in the sequence (and in the right order) to help develop their memory and other cognitive skills!

2. Simon Says
A classic! “Simon says do a handstand.” “Stand on 1 leg.” A simple game of Simon Says can help promote body awareness as your child engages in different movements. They’ll also have to use their auditory comprehension skills to follow the directions and listen for whether or not “Simon” said!

3. Ball Bounce
Bouncing on a large exercise ball against a wall can give your child just the amount of physical input their body needs. To add some cognitive demands, ask your child to sing their ABC’s while bounding, or go back and forth naming different animals for each letter of the alphabet without repeating.

4. Animal Walk Relay
Make a “path” around the house using tape, flags, or colorful dots. Have your child get from point A to point B by pretending to be the animal you name. Bear walk, bunny hop, crab walk, frog jumps – this one’s sure to work their muscle strength and coordination!

5. Go for a Ride
Kids can take a ride on their bike, scooter, skateboard, or whatever they choose! For an added language benefit, play “I Spy” while riding to help improve your child’s vocabulary by understanding and using descriptive words.

6. Towel Tug
Lay a towel on the floor and weigh it down with objects. Or, have a sibling sit on it! Have your child pull the towel across the room. Keep them motivated by asking them to make a prediction of how many times they think they can do this!

7. Scorpion Game
Parents—here’s a new sensory-motor game that also gives you time to interact with your kids! You pretend to be a scorpion, holding a pool noodle as your stinger and keeping your eyes closed. Your child is the squirrel that has to try and “rescue” stuffed animals from the ground by picking one up and running it back to the other side of the room. If your child gets “stung” and you tap them with the noodle, they must do an exercise you choose (jumping jacks, star jumps, or sit-ups, for example).

8. Dog Catcher
Make two bases across from each other, connected by a path of pillows. You are the dog catcher and your child is the puppy. He or she must rescue their stolen “bones” (balls) or animal friends (stuffed animals) by taking the pillow path to your base and back when you pretend to go to sleep. If your child wakes you up or accidentally steps on the floor, the dog catcher (you) have to try and tag the puppy!

9. Lava Floor
Pretend the floor is lava! You and your child can make a path in the living room to get from the couch to the door without touching the floor. Use pillows, bean bags, and other objects you find to help your child practice their balance, coordination, and creativity!

10. Jump Up!
A great way to give your child’s body some vestibular input (balance and awareness of their body’s position in space)? Jumping! Kids can jump on a trampoline or on a mattress you put on the floor.

Some children may have trouble with balance, coordination, strength, are constantly moving, or become easily distracted. If you have concerns in these areas of your child’s development, an evaluation by a physical therapist or occupational therapist can help. TherapyWorks is a company that provides these services (in addition to speech therapy, feeding therapy, and social work) via teletherapy. You will be connected with a therapist who specializes in your areas of concern and can provide more tips for at-home activities for your child!

 

Resources:
U.S. Centers for Disease Control. Considerations for schools.https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/schools-childcare/schools.html

Sprang, Ginny & Silman, Miriam. (2013). Posttraumatic Stress Disorder in Parents and Youth After Health-Related Disasters. Disaster Medicine and Public Health Preparedness. 7. 10.1017/dmp.2013.22.

Chaddock-Heyman, L., Hillman, C. H., Cohen, N. J., & Kramer, A. F. (2014). III. The importance of physical activity and aerobic fitness for cognitive control and memory in children. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 79(4), 25-50. https://doi.org/10.1111/mono.12129

 

I'm a mom entrepreneur and Co-Founder of TherapyWorks, a pediatric therapy company that provides services via telehealth. I recognized the need to make high-quality pediatric therapy more convenient after one of my own children needed therapy and launched TherapyWorks with my Co-Founder, an experienced speech language-pathologist, with that in mind. 

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