Going through a divorce is tough on everyone. Sometimes it’s for the best, but during the process, it can be a very confusing and emotionally turbulent time. If you’re divorced or are getting a divorce, as a parent, there are even more factors to consider.

Divorce can be especially hard for children. There are many questions they have and much they don’t understand. Depending on the age of your child, it may be tough to explain to them why you’re getting a divorce and what that means for them.

Helping Your Children Cope

With everything going on, many parents don’t realize the toll divorce takes on their child. Often, children are left confused and grieving during this period. They may seem fine, but you will really want to consider how to help them best get through this.

Children do not process emotions the same way adults do. You’ll need to work on helping them understand the situation in a way that is appropriate for their age. This could even mean going to counseling. Having a counselor mediate will help them learn to cope and process their emotions in a healthy way.

You don’t want your child to internalize their emotions, because that does not help them prepare for adulthood. You need to equip them with positive tools that they can carry into their life and any future relationships.

Taking Care of Yourself

If you’re getting a divorce your personal hygiene may be thrown to the wayside. This is not healthy. In order to be fully present for your children, you need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself.

When you don’t invest in your health or emotional well-being you start to feel overwhelmed. Then you find yourself taking out your frustration on your children, which is exactly what you want to avoid.

It’s important that you are able to be there for your kids during this time. They are struggling too and are looking to you for guidance. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to handle this responsibility. Take some time for yourself and de-stress.

Dating Again

After some time passes and wounds heal, you may want to try dating again. But, it’s important to make sure you’re still thinking about your children. Something to avoid when dating is bringing every date home to meet your kids.

Keeping your dating life separate from your home life is wise until the relationship gets serious. Even after you are in a more serious relationship, you will want to make sure that the person you’re dating is ready to step up as a co-parent to your children.

If the person you’re dating doesn’t treat your kids well, you will want that person out of your life. You don’t want to make your children feel like you’ve chosen your new partner over them. That will almost certainly put a strain on the relationship between you and your kids.

What Happens Next

Kids aren’t totally oblivious and to an extent, they’ll understand what is going on. You want to find a balance between keeping them informed while not over-sharing or demonizing your ex-partner.

Your children aren’t meant to be your therapist, so don’t share private details about the divorce. Find ways to express what is going on in a way that is appropriate for them. Help them to understand that this is not their fault and that you and your ex will still always love them.

My name's Vicky and I have a beautiful four-year-old son named Paul who just started preschool. When I'm not being a mother, I practice tennis and play with my corgi, Milo.

A new friend is coming to Sesame Street! The iconic children’s show is welcoming Karli, a Muppet in foster care, as part of its Sesame Street in Communities program.

Karli and her “for-now” parents Dalia and Clem, who are also old friends of Elmo’s dad, will make appearances in three new videos—On Your Team, You Belong and A Heart Can Grow. Along with the videos, Sesame Workshop will also release The Feeling Basket storybook, feelings-centered digital interactives and tips for foster parents.

Dr. Jeanette Betancourt, Senior Vice President of U.S. Social Impact at Sesame Workshop, said in a press release, “Fostering a child takes patience, resilience, and sacrifice, and we know that caring adults hold the power to buffer the effects of traumatic experiences on young children.”

Betancourt also added, “We want foster parents and providers to hear that what they do matters—they have the enormous job of building and rebuilding family structures and children’s sense of safety. By giving the adults in children’s lives the tools they need—with help from the Sesame Street Muppets—we can help both grownups and children feel seen and heard and give them a sense of hope for the future.”

Along with the introduction of Karli, and Sesame Workshop’s foster care initiative, the Sesame Street in Communities programs provides educators, child care providers and families with resources on tough topics such as trauma, grief, homelessness and much more.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Courtesy of Sesame Workshop

 

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Boarding an airplane with kids and babies in tow can be a nerve-racking experience for many parents. One mom on a long international flight earned praise when she gave out earplugs to the entire plane—but was that really necessary?

A mom traveling with her four-month-old baby from Seoul, South Korea to San Francisco passed out 200 tiny care packages filled with ear plugs, candy and note that read, “Today, I am going to the U.S. with my mom and grandma to see my aunt,” the note read, as if it were from the baby. “I’m a little bit nervous and scary (sic) because it’s my first flight in my life, which means that I may cry or make too much noise. I will try to go quietly, though I can’t make any promises… Please excuse me.”

Facebook user Dave Corona, a fellow passenger on the flight, shared pictures of the package in a post which quickly went viral. The gesture was incredibly kind and thoughtful, gaining plenty of praise by commenters on the post. But at the same time, as many commenters also pointed out, the mom’s gesture was entirely unnecessary.

One Facebook user commented, “That was a nice gesture, but I think people need to be more understanding on flights and not make parents and their children feel so ‘unwelcome’ on flights. We were all babies at one point in life.”

It’s one thing to be aware of others, but babies and kids have to travel just like adults. Parents shouldn’t have to fear flying just because they have kids in tow—nor should they feel like they have to go above and beyond to make accommodations for other passengers.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Suhyeon Choi via Unsplash

 

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Finding work-life balance when you’re a parent isn’t always easy, not to mention trying to ignore working mom guilt. A new study joins a growing body of research about how working parenthood affects kids’ health in a positive way.

Working parents should never have to feel guilty about following their career dreams or providing for their family—and a new study proves it. The paper, published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, has found that kids are healthier when parents feel that they are in control of their work lives.

Photo: Rawpixel

“If you can decide how you are going to do your job, rather than having that imposed on you, it is better for children,” said co-author Christiane Spitzmueller, professor of industrial organizational psychology at the University of Houston.

This new research isn’t the first to shine a light on the benefits of having parents who work. According to a recent study published in the journal Work, Employment and Society, adult daughters of working mothers were higher earners and had better jobs than those of stay-at-home moms. The same study also found that sons of working moms spent seven and a half more hours a week on childcare and 25 more minutes on housework than those whose moms stayed home.

As Meredith Bodgas, the editor-in-chief of Working Mother, told Moneyish, “Seeing your parents do so much, and balance it all, makes children feel that so much is possible for them. They can have families and have rewarding careers. And it teaches them problem-solving skills.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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Could your kids use a little more….class? While no child is perfectly-mannered, many can leave parents cringing at less-than-respectful or uncouth behavior. A new etiquette class for kids at the refined New York institution The Plaza is ready to school your child in all things proper, from how to hold a fork and knife, to meeting someone new and beyond. We dropped in for a class — please check out our report! (Thank you!)

Manners Matter?
According to Beaumont Etiquette’s founder, Myka Meier, “It’s never too young for little ones to begin learning good etiquette…because then it simply becomes second nature.” And she should know. Trained at an etiquette school in Switzerland, Meier taught business, dining and social etiquette to adults in London, with an emphasis on finessing situations in foreign countries and cultures.

After a move to New York, she’s schooling people stateside, with social, dining and business classes for adults at The Plaza Hotel. The program launched last fall, and classes have been filling up with millennials who want to be in the know for every first date and work event.

Now, Beaumont’s Youth Etiquette classes for 5-11 year olds and young adult classes for the older set (ages 12-17) are becoming as popular as their adult counterparts.

Start to Finish
The Plaza Hotel Finishing Program with Beaumont Etiquette is a series of group courses which are both educational and social, featuring refreshments from the legendary New York city hotel. Adding an extra element of fun to the youth classes is the the location: kids learn alongside peers in the Eloise Tea Room.

The Case for Class
Guess what? Spending a lot of time looking at a screen doesn’t make for the best manners. “We’re finding [kids] tend to lack some of the basic social skills needed to interact face to face,” says Meier. “These courses teach soft skills to instill confidence  — ranging from how to shake hands while making eye contact, to how to introduce yourself and hold a conversation.”

According to Meier, having good etiquette simply means to be kind to others and to put other people first. “They’ll learn many lessons, but at the end of the day, if they leave understanding what the core of etiquette really means, that’s what is most important.”

What’s On the Manners Menu
While the idea of an etiquette class might sound boring and staid, these classes try to keep things fun and informative, with kids putting their newfound knowledge to work right away.

“We play warm up etiquette games, and then move into lessons [during which] they actually get to practice right then and there,” says Meier. For example, the children are served refreshments so that they can practice eating and using their new dining skills.

“We walk around the room, gently correcting how they are holding their cutlery, sitting and eating. We always teach by using positive reinforcement, so the children feel very accomplished when they leave and are excited to show their parents what they learned.” After the two-hour session children are given a takeaway flyer covering dining etiquette do’s with visual reminders.

Book for Better Manners
Intrigued? Upcoming sessions will take place on Wednesday, May 17th, Saturday July 15th and Thursday July 20th. (Later in the year, special holiday-related classes will take place, covering sticky situations that come with the the end of the year, like family gatherings and all they entail, and how to properly accept a present.)

Classes are two hours long and $125 per child. (If you feel your brood needs one-on-one instruction, Beaumont Etiquette offers private instruction as well. Inquire directly at beaumontetiquette.com.)

The Plaza Hotel Finishing Program with Beaumont Etiquette
768 5th Avenue at Central Park South
Midtown
212-390-1557
Online: beaumontetiquette.com

Would you send your child to an etiquette class? Tell us in the comments below! 

—Kim Sunshine