Photo: Photo by bruce mars from Pexels

All car accidents take a heavy toll on all individuals involved in the accident. However, things can be even more difficult when our children are involved in a car mishap. I sincerely hope and pray that your teens never run into such incidents. However, it really helps to know what a parent should do under such difficult situations. Always remember that when a teenager is involved in an accident, their emotional health is the most important factor to focus on. Everything else can be dealt with later on. 

Enquire about Your Child’s Health: When you first come to know about the accident, your initial comments must be focused around your child’s health and others involved in the incident. Even if you are worried about the damage to your car, don’t talk about it right away. Accidents can be much more traumatic for a teenager than you think. In these circumstances, most of them feel that they have failed themselves, as well as, their parents. They also understand that the accident has its financial consequences that their parents will have to bear. Therefore, as a parent, your job is to reassure them that they are not a failure by any means. 

Go to the Accident Scene: Get to the accident scene as early as possible because your presence will provide the much-needed emotional support to your kid. Your presence on the scene will also act as a buffer from other parties involved in the accident because these individuals are not likely to be understanding of a teenager’s mistake. 

Moreover, you will also get an opportunity to inspect the accident scene and understand what actually happened. It is likely that your child will be in a state of shock. On his or her behalf, collect detailed information of the other parties involved in the accident, and take photos of the accident scene. Also, if the police have still not arrived at the scene, protecting crash site evidence is important. Once the police arrive, try to collect a copy of their accident report.  

If your child is injured in the accident, take him or her to a nearby medical facility, and arrange proper care as early as you can. Don’t forget to collect the detailed examination report from the facility, because this will help you while filing an insurance claim. 

Call the Insurance Company: Your next important task is to call the insurance company. Provide them all the details you have about the accident so that they can process your claim immediately. During this entire process, have your child nearby, so that he or she can hear everything. First, the insurer may ask questions that you may not be able to answer. Second, by being a part of this discussion, your child will understand how auto insurance policies work, which will certainly benefit them in the long run.  

As time goes by, your child will gradually come out of the stressed emotional state caused by the accident. However, in the aftermath of the accident, the parents must do certain things. 

  • Reinforce the value of responsible driving: Remind your child of the potential consequences of driving too fast, using mobile devices while driving, and distracted driving. This may end up becoming an emotional discussion, but will surely make your kid more responsible in the future while driving. It is also a good idea to have them enrolled in a local driving safety class

  • Get them back to driving: After an accident, your teen may feel hesitant to start driving again. However, once the emotions settle down, try to get them back in the driving seat as soon as possible. If required, be with them for the first few times to provide a sense of comfort and security.  

I love RedTri authors, publishing, and talking incessantly about them. My passion is partnering with authors to bring worthwhile content to publication. I started blog as a way to create a community of writers, both published and seeking publication.

The kids (ages 4 and 5) were happily playing in the bathtub singing songs and making “potions” whilst I scuttled around getting their stuff ready for bedtime.

After a couple of minutes, I usually pop my head into the bathroom to make sure everyone is doing OK and following the bath rules (i.e. no standing, throwing toys, etc). As I peek around the bathroom door I see my 4-year-old daughter drinking water from what I presume is an old bottle filled with the dirty bath water.

This is not the first time I’ve caught my daughter sipping suds. So I say in an authoritative voice (not shouting but raised volume) “What are you doing drinking that water!!?? We’ve talked about this sooooo many times! STOP. DRINKING. THE. DIRTY. BATH. WATER!”  

My daughter’s eyes immediately start to well up with tears and she stutters as she says to me in a tearful voice, “This is clean water. My cousin got it for me in a water bottle.” (We had family visiting and people were always buzzing in and out of rooms.)

Immediately I softened my tone and realized she was telling the truth (validated by her cousin shouting in agreement from the other room). “OK my darling. I didn’t realize she had done that for you and I thought that was old, dirty water. I’m so very sorry.”

With those words my daughter’s eyes stopped spilling over with tears, the corner of her lips turned upward toward a smile and we locked eyes as she placed her hand over mine when I wiped a tear away.  She knew I meant it and felt that in her soul.

How Modeling Factors into the Equation

When was the last time your parent(s) said they were sorry to you?  When was the last time you said you were sorry to your child(ren)? I’ve spoken to many people who have never heard their parent apologize for anything. But of course, on the other side are the parents who are excessive apologizers.  

Then we have those insincere apologies when a parent says something along the lines of “I’m sorry you heard X that way,” which means it was your fault for misinterpreting their comment, not an admission of feeling sorrow for what they said and/or how it made you feel.

Somewhere in the middle of the “never-apologizers,” the “always apologizers” and the “insincere apologies” we as parents need to find a happy medium where we sincerely apologize when our behaviors warrant it.  

Where I grew up saying you’re “sorry” was often viewed as a sign of weakness or that you were conceding to an argument. When I was younger, I thought if I apologized for my actions, that others would view me as weak. As I grew and was exposed to other ways of thinking about the phrase “I’m sorry,” I began to realize just how wrong I had been.

What is an apology and why is it (at times) so hard to say?  

An apology is when we express remorse and take responsibility for our actions and the subsequent impact on someone or something else.  For an apology to be truly sincere the person giving it needs to make efforts to ensure certain behaviors/actions won’t happen again.

Often, it’s much easier to apologize to the person you bumped into waiting in line than it is to a family member or someone you love. Why? The reason is simple and hits us all at our core. The person at the store has no emotional value or connection to you so no matter how they respond we usually aren’t emotionally invested in their acceptance/refusal of the apology.

To offer a sincere apology means you have to be humble. It means that for a brief moment in time you are admitting your imperfections and allowing yourself to be vulnerable; usually with the ones you love the most, or with those whose opinions matter to you (i.e. friend, colleague, family member, etc).  

This is a very uncomfortable place to be…feeling exposed, unguarded, and defenseless as if you’re standing in the spotlight naked in the middle of a stage. Everyone is able to see all the bruises, scars, and jagged edges made sharp from the years of going over-and-over-and-over the wounds of our past. Showing that side of us can feel very, very scary.  

WHAAAAAAAAT? I’m asking you to show your child you’re vulnerable? Show your child you’re human? Show your child you make mistakes and that you’re not a perfect superhero? What good will that do?  (I’m sure you’ve caught on to the sarcastic inflection).

My children have heard me say “I’m sorry” more times than I can count. I am not an “over” apologizer by any stretch of the imagination (just ask my spouse :), yet I am a strong believer in owning my actions and behaviors. Plus I have four little eyes always watching what I do and how I handle situations. This means when I mess-up, I fess-up.

It’s liberating to say “I’m sorry” when you’ve wronged someone. When you show vulnerability you’re actually being courageous. Just like with everything in life, you get better with practice. My children initially struggled to say those words when they messed up. Yet with time and practice (and watching both parents apologize) they have become masters at saying “I’m sorry.”  I can’t tell you how quickly those words decrease my anger when they immediately apologize for something they knew they shouldn’t have done.

I wasn’t always good at saying “sorry.” My spouse is much better at apologizing than me and has modeled how to do so with grace and dignity. This modeling has been a massive help to me. Seriously, even when I know an apology is needed I still sometimes struggle saying those two magic words. I am human, ya know. ;)

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone apologized when they messed-up and made steps to change bad behaviors?   

Our children look to us for guidance on how to cope with and manage social relationships in a world of inconsiderate and rude people (that includes you and me. Come on, admit it.  We’ve all had our “moments” and they’ve impacted someone else). Saying “I’m sorry” has the power to stop an altercation, heal a broken heart and/or mend a relationship.

Arming your children with the power of being able to sincerely say these two words will be vital to their mental and emotional health. If your family tree doesn’t drop “I’m sorry” apples, why not be the one who changes the direction of your family branch?  

Kids often view their parents/guardians as “gods” that are perfect and never make a mistake. This sets them up for failure from the get-go cause aint nobody perfect. Instead, offer your child(ren) the best version of yourself and show them how to be vulnerable, courageous, kind and confident in their imperfect selves.  

“A MAN SHOULD NEVER BE ASHAMED TO OWN HE HAS BEEN IN THE WRONG, WHICH IS BUT SAYING… THAT HE IS WISER TODAY THAN HE WAS YESTERDAY.” —ALEXANDER POPE

 

 

I am a 42-year-old biological mother of two young children in a same-sex relationship, a clinical psychologist with a specialty in neuropsychological assessment, a music therapist, a trainer of therapy dogs and ex-communicated Mormon from Indiana with a wicked sense of humor. 

Talking to your children about their emotional health can be a daunting subject. Below are some guidelines to help you talk to your children about emotional health at every age.

Step One: Prepare. One of the first things that may be beneficial is to educate yourself about a few common mental health issues. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, depression, and anxiety are the most common in children and adolescents. There are a lot of online resources available for parents, including one from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, called “Facts for Families,” which has a one-page synopsis on many of the mental health disorders that affect children and teens.

Try to be comfortable and calm when you talk about mental health. If you are nervous, your child may pick up on your feelings and possibly also feel nervous or fearful. Take a few deep breaths, sit down, and then bring up the topic when you’re ready. It’s important to let your children know that you’re always willing to listen and you’re there for them when they need support.

Below is a general guideline for talking to children at different ages. It’s important to consider the developmental age of the child when you have the discussion, as that will guide you in how much information you may need to share.

Young Children: The best way to speak to young children about their emotional health is to be as simple and straightforward as possible. At this age, they will likely not understand a lot of details. However, they may have some questions around situations like when a classmate or friend is acting out, taking medication or in special classes. Answer the questions with clear but rather brief answers. It’s important to keep in mind that younger children often don’t know how to describe their emotions. As a first step, it is helpful to help your child learn the names of the emotions that they may feel towards different situations. For example, they should have a good understanding of what happy, sad, scared, frustrated, and mad means to them.

Older Children and Pre-Teen: As your child moves into middle school, you can start to focus more on the details, and be more straightforward in the way that you communicate with them. If you decide that you want to sit down and proactively talk to your child, try to make the conversation informal so they don’t feel anxious about what you are going to say. There are simple ways to frame questions, such as: “Have you ever had problems with feeling sad, crying without reason or being so nervous that you can’t have fun?” This is a way you can lead them into different topics. You should also let your child know that physical and mental health are important to how we function day to day. Just like you exercise to stay in shape, it’s also important to share feelings and worries to relieve stress. Children should also know that just like you can see a nurse or doctor when you are sick, there are therapists and doctors that can help with emotional difficulties they may be going through.

Teenage Years: During the teenage years, bringing up emotional issues can be a very delicate situation, especially if your teen is already in the midst of a mental health crisis. When some teenagers are facing emotional problems, they may be irritable, want to isolate themselves and not talk about their problems. Even if they don’t want to talk at that moment, let them know that you are available for them to come to you. Other teens are ready to talk about emotional problems and worries because they want to fit in. This is a time when you can assure them that their questions and feelings are okay and that there is help available if needed. You can talk to your teens fairly openly, though some of the topics like self-harm can be more challenging.

What if your child reacts negatively to the conversation?

If they are angry or anxious, give them space and try again at a more opportune time. If your child is already dealing with a mental health issue, they may not be receptive or willing to listen. Don’t force this discussion on a child, if you are unable to reach them and you are concerned about their mental health or safety, seek professional help.

Younger Children: Assure them that they are safe and that you are there to help. There can be a lot of misunderstanding around mental health. Your child may get frightened that they will be locked in a hospital or that you will leave them at the therapist office. It is important to let them know that they won’t be harmed and you’ll be there for them.

Older children and Teenagers: If they are acting negatively and don’t want to talk about things, let them know you are worried and concerned, and you care you about what they may be going through. Make yourself available whenever they are ready to talk. Or, you can help direct them to resources to read or suggest that they talk to someone who specializes in helping children and teens who may have problems at school or friends.

What can I do to decrease my child’s stress and anxiety?

Younger Children: One of the reasons for stress at this age is separation from family or not knowing what to expect in a new situation. One way to help alleviate this stress is to tell them what they can expect. For some children, the more detail you give them, the more comfortable they will feel. One example is when attending a new school, you can plan a visit and even meet teachers and peers. Reassure your child that you will be there at the end of the day. Routines are very important for younger children and help to decrease a lot of anxiety.

Older Children: Just like younger children the more you can prepare them for something new, the less likely they will have a lot of anxiety. There are also protective things that older children can do like to participate in sports and get involved in activities that provide social outlets. Older children can also learn to meditate, use deep breathing, and distraction as a way to reduce anger and anxiety.

Talking about emotional health can be difficult, but having this type of conversation with your children can strengthen your relationship. Because no matter what age they are, your children look to you as a source of comfort and strength.

This post originally appeared on Doctor On Demand Blog.

Dr. Patricia Roy is a board certified psychiatrist at Doctor On Demand, the leading virtual care provider. She has more than 15 years of experience working with adults, children, and adolescents, specializing in depression, PTSD, anxiety, psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, and emotional disorders of childhood. 

Chrissy Teigen might be one of our favorite celeb moms of Instagram—and her advice for happy living is something we all could take to heart. So what does Teigen tell us to do? In a recent interview with Good Housekeeping, the former model turned cookbook guru opened up about self-care, parenting, emotional health and so much more.

Read on for some of Teigen’s totally relatable—and refreshing—advice for parents.

Change Your Self-View

Teigen, like most mamas, went through changes when she had children. She told Good Housekeeping, “I think, in a way, we’ve forgotten what a regular body looks like. There are people out there who are struggling, and I’m struggling, and it’s okay to come to terms with realizing it’s going to be a bit of a journey. I’m not blind: I see my body, I see the difference in shape, I see that I gained weight.”

But the model-mama also notes that she sees her beautiful kiddos, too. And if those kiddos came with a new body shape, that’s totally okay—for Teigen and for all of us!

Be the Parent Your Child Sees

Everything changes when you have kids—and Teigen knows it. The mommy to two told Good Housekeeping, “Luna’s bringing out so much of my personality that I was too anxious to share in the outside world before. Now, I get to be goofy and silly.”

Go with the Flow

Forget about striving for Pinterest perfection. Teigen doesn’t care if she cuts corners (and that’s a belief we could all subscribe to!). She’s now much a more relaxed (and present) parent, saying, “My new motto these days is to go with the flow: It actually teaches you to be a better person and not be so neurotic about time and schedules.”

Make Emotional Health a Priority

Like many new mothers, Teigen dealt with anxiety issues following the birth of son Miles. Hey even though she’s a celeb, Teigen still finds balancing life with two kids tricky. But that—or her anxiety—doesn’t stop her from living life. “I’m having to face my anxiety more by leaving the house to bring Luna to preschool. Every little bit is making me more comfortable.”

—Erica Loop

Featured Photo: Chrissy Teigen via Instagram 

 

RELATED STORIES:

All the Celebrity Babies We Can’t Wait for in 2019

Joanna Gaines Shares Her Secret to Getting Kids to Share Their Rooms

Drew Barrymore’s Powerful Instagram Series about Parenting Is So Necessary

For years Americans have reported a growing stress epidemic marked by rising rates of stress-related disorders and diseases, from anxiety and depression to hypertension and cardiovascular disease.

The links between psychological stress and physical illness are firmly proven. When you are under stress your body produces adrenaline, cortisol and other stress hormones that can impair its ability to fight off illness and lead to a wide range of diseases.

What is stress? At its most basic level, stress is an imbalance of energy. The energy that you spend focusing on negativity and fear is directly proportional to your stress level. Unfortunately this can become a pattern in your life due to the influence of unresolved feelings from past traumatic and difficult events – what I call trapped emotions.

As you live through the days and years of your life you are continually experiencing emotions, both positive and negative. Life can be difficult and emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming.

Sometimes, for reasons that we do not yet understand, people are not able to fully process emotions and move on. In these cases, the energy of the emotion becomes “trapped” within the physical body.  So instead of moving beyond an angry moment or a temporary bout with grief or depression, you may find yourself struggling with ongoing feelings you are unable to shake. These are trapped emotions and their negative energy can remain hidden for years, potentially causing significant physical and emotional stress.

Trapped emotions can cause you to make the wrong assumptions, overreact to innocent remarks, misinterpret behavior and damage your relationships. They can create depression, anxiety and other unwanted feelings and wreak havoc with your physical health, causing pain, fatigue and illness.

The circumstances of modern life that are causing people to report epidemic levels of stress are not likely to change any time soon. But we can take steps to guard our health from the harmful effects of stress. Here are some simple practices to help you live with more calm and happiness and less stress and anxiety in the New Year:

Recognize that trapped emotions influence our choices. For example, if you have a trapped emotion of anger from a past event, you’ll be more likely to become angry when future situations arise that may upset you. This is because part of your body is already resonating with anger and is just waiting for someone (or something stressful) to set you off.

Discover and release emotional baggage. Energy psychology techniques such as The Emotion Code or The Body Code can help you lower your stress level by quickly getting clear to the underlying causes of negative emotional choices and nagging, harmful thoughts.

Listen to your body (and when necessary, say “no”). Pay attention to what your body needs, including healthy food, plenty of water, exercise and rest. When you find yourself feeling low on energy, exhausted or easily triggered by trying circumstances, your body may be telling you that you need more rest. Take a nap, go to bed early or sleep in on your day off. And don’t be afraid to say “no” to if you catch yourself trying to do too much. Don’t volunteer to take on additional tasks if doing so interferes with your health or family time or if it feels like it’ll cause too much stress for you. It won’t be worth it.

Exercise daily. Exercise as simple as getting outside and walking is a natural, drug-free way to combat stress, anxiety and depression. Moving your body throughout the day burns away stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol that can otherwise linger in your system for up to 24 hours, damaging your immune system and organs. Exercise and physical activity also boosts levels of endorphins, the hormones that make you feel good and reduce your reception of pain. Plus, it’s good for you.

Take care of yourself emotionally. You may need specific things such as the emotional support of a spouse, a lunch date with a friend or even just some time alone. Sometimes you just need to unplug, whether it’s a break outdoors during a busy workday, a weekend getaway or a weeklong vacation. Look for ways to build regular breaks into your day to help you reset and give you the mental and emotional energy you need.

Communicate with love. If the people you are with have you feeling stressed, take a breather. You might go outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air. Be kind to everyone, including yourself. Make sure you’re not overreacting. None of us communicate perfectly. Try to understand what others really mean, not just what they say and give people the benefit of the doubt. Ask for clarification and react appropriately, with kindness, love and forgiveness. Some people really don’t have a handle on their behavior, but it doesn’t have to affect how you feel or be your problem.

Practice daily gratitude. Make a list every day of the things in your life that are good. Keeping a gratitude journal will help keep your focus on the positive, making you more resilient and less susceptible to the damaging effects of stress.

By learning to pay attention to and understand your body’s signals, you can alter how you respond to stressful circumstances and break out of old, self-defeating patterns. Remember to take care of your emotional health and you will be better prepared to cope with whatever comes your way in 2019 and beyond.

Dr. Bradley Nelson
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Veteran holistic physician and author of The Emotion Code, Dr. Bradley Nelson is an expert in the emerging fields of Bioenergetic Medicine and Energy Psychology. He has certified thousands of practitioners worldwide in helping people overcome unresolved anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness and other negative emotions and the physical symptoms associated them.

photo: Pixabay

As a parent, it can be painful to watch your kids struggle, be rejected or face failure of any kind, but despite how much you just want to wrap them in your arms and escape the pressures of life it can be a much better choice to encourage them to face their fears head-on. A new study shows that parents who push their kids to take risks can end up help prevent them from being anxious.

Researchers from Macquarie University’s Centre for Emotional Health, the University of Amsterdam and the University of Reading found a link between parenting that encouraged safe risk-taking in kids and a minimized risk of developing childhood anxiety disorders. The study surveyed 312 families with preschool-aged kids in Australia and the Netherlands and concluded that encouraging kids to push through their comfort limits led to significantly fewer signs of anxiety.

For the purpose of the study, safe risk-taking included things like “engaging in rough-and-tumble play or letting them lose a game.” It also involves situations where parents encourage kids to engage in unfamiliar situations. “While this isn’t a cure for anxiety, and we cannot at this stage determine causality, the results are promising in terms of parent education. By gently encouraging their kids in a reasonable way to push their limits, parents could be helping to reduce their child’s risk of developing an anxiety disorder, which is a great insight,” said Professor Jennie Hudson, Director of Centre for Emotional Health at Macquarie University and co-author of the study.

Do you think it’s important to push your kids to go outside their comfort zone? Share your thoughts in the comments.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

RELATED STORIES:

Women Are Having Kids Later—But Family Size Is on the Rise, Study Finds

Kids Have Surprising Opinions About Money as Young as 5, New Study Finds

Is It Safe for Your Kids to Eat Snow? Science Has the Answer

Family dinners are linked to improved diet and improved emotional health.

Study after study reveals what our grandparents knew: the importance of family dinners. In fact, many studies reference family dinner attendance as a key factor in how happy a family is. A study from the University of Florida illustrated just exactly how a family dinner affects a family:

  • Families that eat dinner together are more likely to have healthier diets: families who regularly ate dinner together consumed more servings of fruits and vegetables and dietary fiber than families that ate separately.
  • Children experience less psychological problems (i.e. less emotional distress)
  • Children in families that regularly eat dinner together had more positive peer relationships and were less likely to engage in risky behaviors or hold negative peer relationships
  • Increased communication between family members
  • Overall more emotional stability in the family
  • Better school performance and higher self-esteem

But… they’re not always so easy to pull off.

The research clearly shows just how beneficial family dinners are, but it’s not always easy to gather around the table. Between hectic schedules, extracurricular activities, and the end-of-the-day meltdowns, dinner is often one of the loudest, craziest, exhausting, and emotionally draining times of the day.

It seems that as soon as I declare that I am headed to the kitchen to make dinner, someone poops his diaper, someone else begins to whine that he’s hungry, there’s a small human clinging to my leg and begging to be held, and I just remembered that I didn’t thaw the chicken yet. It seems counterproductive to go through all the hassle only to end up grumpy and sweaty at the dinner table.

7 tips for making it to the family dinner table more often and with less stress. 

Use these tips and you’ll be sure to make it to the family table more often and with less stress.

1. Set it and forget it if you can. 

If you know that you’ll be getting home late, try a crock pot recipe. Set it up in the morning and you’ll have dinner ready the minute you get home.

2. Meal plan.

Not only does meal planning make your grocery shopping more efficient, but you’ll save money too because if you have a plan, you’re less likely to just throw stuff in the cart. When you know what you’re making, dinner is less stressful. No more last minute wondering what to throw together.

3. Give small tasks to your littlest children. 

Little ones can fetch milk from the fridge or beans from the pantry, stir a batter, open a new package of butter, or even set the table. All of these are easy for small children and helps them feel involved.

4. Give age-appropriate tasks to older children.

Once you’ve taught your child to properly use a knife, let them chop veggies. Not only will this help you get dinner on the table faster, but it gives you ample time to chat with your son or daughter about his/her day.

5. Choose recipes carefully.

A common dinner battle centers on the dish itself. If you know your children truly do not like Thai food, skip it. If you’re not short on time, whip up an alternative for kids who don’t like the spiciness. For instance, keep the sauce of a stir-fry and let each family member have the choice to ladle on the sauce or forgo it.

6. Everyone helps clear the table.

Assign everyone one task for cleanup and the after-dinner cleaning will go by much quicker. You’re more likely to eat together if the clean-up isn’t a time-consuming task for one parent every night.

7. Prepare for picky eaters.

Fighting a picky eater is just a recipe for disaster. According to a study in the scientific journal Appetite, researchers continue to point out that picky eating is normal. In fact, up to 39 percent of kids are labled as “picky eaters” at some point in their childhood, although most pickiness starts to decline by age 6. So what to do until then? Try never to yell or fight about food; check out these tips for handing picky eating with respect.

What is one way you make family dinners a priority? How do you get to the table without feeling stressed? Share your secrets in the comments.

Featured Photo Courtesy: skeeze/Pixabay

Kathryn is a self-proclaimed book nerd who has a passion for natural parenting and writing. As a homeschooling mother, she understands the dynamics of a busy family life. She is the founder of Cor Domum, a mission that guides families through life so that they can parent with joy. 

Have you guys seen this video making the rounds on youtube? It’s a tear-jerker, as the dad surprises his two children, the little girl bursts into tears and you suddenly realize what an impact deployed parents have on little kids emotional health.  So glad he’s home!

Happy Veteran’s Day to all who serve and the families that support them!