ML Interest Tag: first-born

How Do I Tell My Only Child They’re Getting a Sibling?

By Gay Cioffi

Before answering this question, I always begin by asking a parent to imagine what it would be like if their spouse or partner made an announcement one day, out of the blue, that went something like this: 

“I have exciting news. You are a wonderful spouse and I love you very much. But, I have decided for our family that it would be incredible if we got another spouse to live with us and join our family. It is going to be so great! And, you will be the special ‘first’ spouse who gets to teach this new spouse everything you know. You are going to love it!” 

Most of us would say something like, “Really?! …Seriously?” 

This is basically how the idea of a new baby can come across to an only child. Of course, this news should be shared joyfully; however, I am suggesting that parents be mindful of the magnitude of the changes it will bring to the family dynamic and the questions it may raise for the firstborn. 

For the child who has had the undivided attention of the adults in his or her world for the first few years (or more) of life, this is a significant change and a transition with which a young child has nothing to compare it. So, in addition to a predictable schedule, plenty of rest, nutritious food and clear limits, there will undoubtedly be times when they need extra support.

Let’s start with timing. I have seen many parents excitedly share news of their pregnancy with their first born as soon as they themselves receive it. Although generally, I don’t think that keeping secrets from children is a good idea, timing is an important thing to consider when telling a child that they are going to have a sibling.

Young children do not have a good grasp of the concept of time and struggle to comprehend just when this event will happen.  Phrases like, “next summer” or “this October” have little meaning for the young child. Young children basically recognize three standards of time: yesterday (which is everything in the past), the present (which is right now) and tomorrow—which is everything in the future. A more sophisticated understanding of time does not fully emerge until age seven.

I have on many occasions seen happy, carefree young children become anxious when they receive this information from their parents very early in the pregnancy. They don’t have a sense of when this event—possibly as long as eight months away—will take place or what it will mean for them.

At the nursery school where I worked, we would even sometimes observe a happy child suddenly turn out-of-sorts.  Separation anxiety or other behavior that indicates stress, such as biting or toilet training regression, would appear. Teachers would take note, provide extra support for the child and check in with the parents. Frequently, parents would share the news that they were expecting another child and that there were daily talks about it with their child in an attempt to prepare their child for the baby’s arrival. Their conversations often emphasized how great it was going to be for the child to be a big brother or big sister. 

Prior to sharing the big news, it might be helpful to talk with your child about families in general. Ask them questions to determine what they already know about families.  Explain that some have just one child, as yours does, some have several children. Have your child think about family models in your immediate family and your circle of friends. Mention that someday your family might grow to have more than one child.

Point out different family structures in the books that you read as well. Welcome their observations and questions. If you have siblings, share stories about your memories of brothers and sisters. Depending on the age of your child, children under four may have a limited understanding of family relationships, so talk with children about families in the simplest of terms.

This is an excellent opportunity to point out that not every family is the same. Some have just one mom or dad, or two moms and two dads.  The one thing that all families have in common? Lots of love.

Nursery schools often have children bring in photographs of their family to display in the classroom, and this is another good way for children to learn about different family makeups.

I remember interviewing children for a short film that I was making about the Little Folks Nursery School and asking them what a family is. Their responses were endearing and hilarious and went something like this: “a family is people that live together, a family is a place where someone gives you food, a family is the people that take care of you and give you hugs.”

When sharing news of an addition to the family, rather than trying to convince a young one that this new baby is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to them, I suggest framing the news in this way: “We are going to have a new baby in our family.” If you can reference a baby in another family that your child knows, that gives them a concrete example.

“We are excited, just as we were when we were expecting you. Babies are so sweet and cuddly but, in the beginning, I will have to feed them a lot and change their diaper”. While it’s okay to offer the “helper” position, this can add to the confusion when parents push it too hard. Because young children are so literal, they can misunderstand what the expectations are and feel like they will be expected to have too much responsibility. 

Unlike my hypothetical story about getting another wife or husband, your child can absorb this news on their terms when the news is calmly and simply presented. And remember, the changes this event will bring to your family are ultimately positive. It may be challenging at times, but by giving your child a sibling, you are giving them a gift. As someone who is the youngest in a family of five children, I can certainly attest to “the more, the merrier.”

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.

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Life Lessons Grown-Ups Can Learn from Preschool

By Lynda Lin Grigsby

Everything I learned of substance in life came in a preschool classroom.

In preschool, snacks magically taste better on technicolor melamine plates and the most impressionable minds learn how to take turns, learn empathy, and somehow find sameness when different ideas clash.

Being a modern parent means having the burden of choice, especially when it comes to the education of your children. When your child comes of age, the choices for preschool can make you feel like you are drowning in a sea of catalogues. There are schools that can immerse your child in different languages, cultures, or build a foundation for the academic rigors of elementary school. For our little family, the best choice was a play-based preschool in a suburb of Los Angeles that emphasized caring and understanding for others.

In other words, we chose a preschool that teaches people—little and big—how to be good human beings.

I learned all this as an adult—a parent volunteer in my kids’ preschool—where the philosophy is that children need the freedom to play and learn basic conflict management skills to carry with them through life. As an adult with the unique opportunity to go back to preschool, I see parallels between the playground and world politics.

Every day, little conflicts would arise at the sandbox that could be a microcosm of everyday adult life: two kids busily building a river in the sand with a water hose and sticks get interrupted by a group of other kids with a plan to build a wall in the same path as the river. Angry words are hurled across the borders of both projects, fists are clenched and both sides are about to explode until a teacher rushes over to hear both sides of the story and remind all parties the sandbox is for everyone.

“Try to work together,” is the common advice.

Replace the sandbox with real-life territories in local neighborhoods or overseas and you can see many similarities. But of course, the grown-up world is much more complicated than playground politics.

Or is it?

Adulting is hard, but when different ideas clash what tools do we use to help resolve problems? Do we look into each other’s eyes and notice feelings? Do we take ownership of our actions and try to come to a solution as a group? Or do we retreat to our devices and write angry tweets in a series of 150 characters or fewer?

In this politically charged grown-up world, it is clear we can all use some preschool skills.

My most recent Instagram story post was a meme of a Victorian Era woman passionately playing the piano with a distant gaze at the words: “Please excuse me while I overreact irrationally.” It was a post to vent my frustration at a friend without really addressing the problem. Perhaps subconsciously I sent this meme out into the social media world in hope that my friend would take notice and ask, “Is that about me?” That is totally rational thinking, right?

When my 7-year-old noticed my look of distress—not unlike the Victorian woman’s expression on the meme—he asked why I was feeling sad. My first-born was the trailblazer in the preschool education on human goodness. When we entered the gates of the school, we embarked on a path of learning together, but I was the one who kept forgetting basic social-emotional skills. Here, my 7-year-old noticed my face, named my feelings and expressed empathy, so I trusted in his wisdom. I took a deep breath and told him: My friend said something that broke a string of trust in my heart, and I feel worried that she will do it again.

Brows knitted, he seemed to chew on my words slowly before saying, “Well, did you tell her how you feel?”

Is the grown-up world more complicated than sandbox politics? My first-born’s advice was simple and spot-on—direct communication between two human beings is a time-honored and effective form of conflict resolution, but I have fallen into the habit of hiding behind my keyboard and my phone.

I am not alone.

According to Pew Research, adult social media users are increasingly feeling worn out about political posts and discussions. In this politically divisive era, It is easy to see why. One angry tweet gives rise to another angrier one without any consideration that there is a human being at the keyboard. Behind the shield of our screens, we isolate ourselves in an “us versus them” mentality and hurl soul-shattering insults at one another.

It makes me yearn for the simplicity of the preschool playground shaded by mulberry trees where we see children doing basic forms of the same thing. Two kids happily playing together run into a wooden playhouse and stand at the doorway. Together they chant, “This is our house! Whoever is wearing purple cannot come in!”

So the teacher rushes over and reminds everyone that the playhouse is for everyone, and gives a basic lesson about empathy: look at the other people’s faces outside of the house. How do your words of exclusion make them feel? How would you feel if you were on the other side of the door?

Usually, there is a pause for thought and a resolution to coexist in the same space, purple and all.

In these moments, I think we can all learn a lot from our children. We can learn to coexist and find common ground even in the face of differences.

And that, maybe just maybe, some grown-ups need to go back to preschool for a solid lesson in being good human beings.

 

 

 

Lynda is a creative person, a wife, a mom and half a CrossFit athlete. Just half, because rope climbs suck. Despite the shiny veneer, the cracks in her identity make her marginally okay. 

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4 Things You Need to Do to Prep for Baby #2

By Jennifer Landis

Photo: Pixaby

You’d think finding out you’re pregnant for a second time would be less of a shock than it was the first time. However, seeing the double lines on the test—then having the doctor confirm it to me later—made me feel just as weak in the knees as it did the first time around.

After that, though, I thought it’d be smooth sailing. I’d already readied myself for one baby. How could it be any different for the second little bundle of joy? But I quickly realized any baby requires preparation, so I got started on all of the things I had to do. If you’ve got a second baby on the way or you’re wondering what it’s like to have more than one munchkin in your brood, here’s what I did to prepare and how you can, too.

#1. Tell Your First Baby Things Are Going to Change

My daughter was so blissfully unaware of the fact that Mommy might have another baby. It almost hurt me to tell her what was about to happen. But holding honest conversations with my first-born was one of the most important things I did before bringing home baby number two. She needed to know life really would change once she had a new brother or sister.

I started reading my daughter books about life with a younger sibling. So many great books hammer this point home. I also tried to make her feel a bit more independent—for instance, she started to clean up her own toys after playtime. That way, she could handle extra-small chores once the baby came into the family. I also made potty-training a priority—because, two babies in diapers at once? I wasn’t strong enough for that.

Of course, I didn’t focus too much on the fact that our lives were about to change forever. I wanted to enjoy my last few months with just my first baby. But preparing for the coming change was a favor to us both. And, as luck would have it, she became instantly obsessed with her little sister as soon as she saw her.

#2. Protect Your Family’s Future

While that might sound dramatic, investing in life insurance truly is a protection for my family’s future. Unfortunately, I don’t know what life will hand me or my husband. With another baby on the way, I made sure we had enough life insurance to cover us in case of the worst.

Figuring out how much insurance you need can be simple—I used an online calculator. It led me through questions about our family size, debts, income and other specifics. Then, it paired us with a policy that would keep us comfortable financially if we were to experience a devastating loss.

I hate thinking about these kinds of things. Everyone does. But, with two little ones under my roof, I had to face my fears head-on and upgrade our life insurance package.

#3. Check Your Baby Supply List

Just because you’ve had one baby doesn’t mean you have everything you need for your second. When someone reminded me of that, I thought they were crazy at first. Then, I started going through my supplies. I had lost so many pacifiers and tossed so many stained onesies. I needed to bulk up my supplies before bringing home another little one.

Maybe your friends and family want to sprinkle your second baby—you know, the mini version of a baby shower with light gifts. If not, not to worry. Your second baby’s supply list will be much shorter than your first. Just go through a thorough newborn checklist and mark off everything you already own. Pick up what you don’t have, as well as any other newfangled baby gear that could help make this process simpler. Then, you’re ready to go.

#4. Date Your Partner

Life changed dramatically with baby #1, and it was about to happen again. So, I made quality time a priority pre-baby #2.

As I spent time preparing my daughter for her new sibling, I also made a point to date my husband as much as possible throughout my pregnancy. Even with my bulging belly, we went out or made a point to cuddle up post-bedtime and watch Netflix. No matter what, we snuck in as much quality time together as we could. Our relationship is what started it all, so why not take time to cherish it?

As things have become more chaotic with baby number two, I look back on those date nights and smile, waiting for the next time we can date each other again. And as any mom can tell you, no amount of preparation will ever truly prepare you for a new baby. This rings true for baby #2. Everything changed, and it changed for the better. I think I felt so much better about it all because I took the time to prepare for her arrival. 

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

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To the New Moms Who Didn’t Feel Joy Right Away

By Melanie Forstall

Photo: Melanie Forstall

To the new moms who didn’t feel joy when their baby was first born: It’s okay, I didn’t either.

When I was pregnant for my first child, I wanted nothing more than to feel prepared. So much of what was happening to my body was out of my control, so the natural response for me was to gather as much information as possible. My husband and I participated in every single class offered by the hospital. I read as many books as humanly possible. I talked with everyone I knew, which may have proven to be a problem.

At the time I felt lucky to be surrounded by so many women. I worked in a field that was dominated by women so I had countless mothers and grandmothers surrounding me. Each one was available to hear me out with endless questions, musings, or general pregnancy conversation. They were also willing to offer, solicited or not, advice and ideas of what to expect.

It’s going to be so incredibly magical.

It’s going to be a joy like you’ve never felt.

As soon as they place that baby on your chest, you are forever changed!

The love is instant!

I went into labor naturally. My first contraction came at 6:00 a.m. and things progressed onward from there. The first half of the day was relaxing; I was comfortable and labor was moving right along. I didn’t need any interventions so the doctors essentially let things happen as they should.

I didn’t have much interaction with the medical staff because for one, they saw me as a competent woman without any issues and my labor was moving at a healthy pace. That’s super, except I probably needed someone to assure me that what I was experiencing was normal. I began going through the transition. First the tears. So many tears. Then the desire to get out of the hospital. I was begging my husband to just get me out of there. Then came the vomiting. All of the vomiting.

By the time I was ready to push my epidural had essentially worn off. The only part of my body that remained numb was my right thigh; not very helpful with what I was about to do. I pushed without a working epidural for about an hour and delivered my baby girl. They placed her on my chest and as I gazed into her face, my eyes blurred with tears, I searched for the joy. I searched for the spark. I listened intently for the chorus of birds that were supposed to be singing with glory and glee.

I was supposed to then watch as they measured, bathed, and swaddled my newborn, but instead I was frozen with fear. I was hemorrhaging. I remember hearing lots of medical talk, intertwined with the cries of my daughter. I remember seeing my husband sway in between two worlds—the joy of new fatherhood and the fear of what was happening with his wife.

After three medical interventions, the doctor was able to stop the bleeding. I was reintroduced to my baby girl and to my surprise she latched on immediately. I remember the nurses encouraging me to be happy about this development. I wanted to be happy, but I also wanted a sandwich.

For the next twelve hours, I sat semi-upright, nursing my baby. I dozed here and there but never actually slept. The day she was born blurred into the following day and I wasn’t sure exactly where the time had gone. I was still searching her face for the joy I was supposed to be feeling.

They all said it would be miraculous. They all said it would be joyous. They all said I would be so happy.

By the next afternoon, I wasn’t feeling any of that. The thing I was feeling the most? Tired. Sheer mental and physical exhaustion. There wasn’t a book I read that prepared me for this.

My instincts had definitely kicked in. I knew what to do for her and I felt an immediate, intense sense of protection and a deep need to care for her. I definitely loved her. I just wasn’t sure I was in love with her. I was propelled by instincts, not joy. I was enormously conflicted and this created a highly complicated set of feelings.

I felt guilty and ashamed.

My natural inclination is to talk through my feelings but in this case, I couldn’t. The time when I needed it the most, I had to hold it in. All of the people I would normally turn to, were the same people who said how great this experience would be for me. How could I possibly tell them how I was feeling? How could I tell these women that, instead of wanting to hold my baby for countless hours, I wanted to rent a hotel room for the night, sleep, and eat hot dogs?

What kind of horrible person am I?

So instead, I focused on what was in front of me. This baby nursed close to 24-hours a day, so the only thing in front of me was her. It was always her! I focused on her and meeting her needs one at a time. On the last day in the hospital, I managed to get a solid four hours of sleep. Thanks to my husband who sat in the chair and held our baby for four hours, resisting any urge to move and without flexing a single muscle.

Rest can do wonders for a new mother. So can self-acceptance.

It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. The joy did finally arrive. Getting home helped. Finding a routine helped. Having regular meals and resting in my own bed helped. Building confidence as a mother, and getting to know this beautiful baby really helped.

You know what also helped? Stopping the playlist. Instead of going over and over what everyone told me I should be feeling, I started listening to the things I was actually feeling.

I know the women surrounding me had the very best of intentions. Some of them may have had that immediate sense of joy and I am grateful that they shared their experiences with me. Some, I think, may have remembered it a bit wrong. Like me, they didn’t feel the joy at first either but they do remember feeling it at some point.

The truth is, for some, pure magic happens instantaneously. For others, well, it’s more like a restaurant’s soft opening. Over time, you work out the kinks and confidence builds. Things generally do get better. The magic and joy will come. It may not come right away, and that’s okay. Hell, it may not come for a while, and that’s okay too.

No matter how it happens, you are not alone. Someone along the way has felt the same feelings as you. I know it’s hard to have perspective when you are in the middle of caring for a newborn; so, if nothing else, use this thought as a lifeline to get you through—it’s hard as hell and if you don’t feel the joy right away, it’s okay. Neither did I so you are not alone.

Melanie Forstall is a full-time mother, full-time wife, full-time teacher, and never-enough-time blogger at Melanie Forstall: Stories of Life, Love, and Mothering. She holds a doctorate in education and yet those many years of schooling have proved to be utterly useless when it comes to actual mothering.

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When You Love to Read but Your Kids Don’t

By Nicole VandeBoom

“Do you guys know what you’re looking for?” the man’s scratchy voice croaked from behind the counter. His round, friendly face was peppered with a short, white beard. Like Santa after a night of vodka tonics in a black t-shirt with a five o’clock shadow.

“I have no idea what I’m doing but he does.” I nodded at my eight-year-old son. His face was serious as he scanned the stacks of Pokemon cards and comic books behind the counter. The walls that surrounded us were covered from floor to ceiling with more comics and graphic novels.

I’m a writer. I’m an author. And surrounded by the walls of endless reading materials, I’d never felt more out of my element. I never got into comics as a child and graphic novels didn’t enter my vocabulary until I was an adult. To be honest for a hot second I thought they were referring to porn. A quick google search, years ago, dispelled that misconception.

My eight-year-old, though, he confidently moved through the maze. Inspecting each section, meticulously planning what items he wanted to get, even counting up the totals in his head. How many Pokecards and comic books could he get? And at a reasonable price.

I watched him navigate this world the way I navigated the YA section of the library. Enamored with the shelves of novels that held new adventures and worlds and heartache and joy, all just for me. I’d meticulously choose my books based on the max you could check out. I was watching him operate the same way, just with a different writing medium. I was keenly aware of what I was a witness to. History repeating itself in a weird new dimension.

This boy had struggled to learn to read in kindergarten and first grade. Oh the tears he shed trying to figure it out. And the careful words I let escape my lips, trying to be encouraging and non-pressuring, while just wishing I could wave one of the wands from a story we’d read and fix this all for him. In second grade, though, things changed; something clicked. And now as the second grade was winding down, we were standing in a store filled with reading materials that shouted at him from the shelves.

My son isn’t the only boy that faced reading struggles. In 2016 Scholastic conducted a survey of 2,000 children ages 6-17, 52% of boys and 73% of girls said they liked reading books over the summer. Twenty-seven percent of boys and 37% of girls said they read books for fun five days a week. These statistics were nothing new to me. Because I’m in the writing world and reading was so crucial to my happiness, I’d been keenly aware of the reading stigma around boys. I knew when my boys were born, I’d do all I could to encourage them to love books and stories and reading. I’ve been reading to them at bedtime (and more) since they were newborns.

And after all of that foundational building, I still watched my first-born son struggle. I felt his passion for books slipping from my parenting grasp, little wisps fighting to fade away. And that was terrifying to me. Soul crushing. How could my son not love books? My son! I was the girl who climbed trees in the summer with a book in her hand and sat up there reading all by herself, enjoying nature and a good story.

As we often learn as parents, I was wrong. I was afraid for nothing. He needed to do this on his own time. Watching him operate in this neighborhood comic book store proved me wrong. It’s about the type of reading material. He needed to find his niche, the genres that make him feel the way I felt brushing my hands along the spines of shelved books in a tiny neighborhood library, the smell of paper dancing up my nostrils, carrying a calm.

As he added up the totals of his items, yet again, I cut him off. “You can get whatever you want. I’ll buy you Pokemon cards and comics, don’t worry about it. Pick out whatever you want to read.”

He did. One graphic novel and three comics. The third comic, a Hulk one, he shyly brought over to the counter as I was checking out. His shoulders were pulled up in his ears as he grinned and slowly tip-toed over. I held out my arm, and he quickly handed it over, the grin morphing into an ear-to-ear smile.

The next morning, he woke up and excitedly told me, “Hey mom. I’m already on page 20 in the Skylanders book!” My eight-year-old who struggled to learn to read proudly bragged about how he stayed up late reading 20 pages of his brand-new book. For fun. Take that, statistics and stigmas and mom-guilt! He’s a recreational male reader. Boom!

I still don’t get comic books though.

Nicole is boy mom to two small dudes that never stop moving or eating. She is a Pilates instructor and all around fitness junkie. She's a Chicagoan through and through. She loves reading, writing, philanthropy and using a good dose of aromatherapy in a hot bath to unwind.

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Firstborn Kids Are Often Smarter than Their Siblings, Study Shows

by Shahrzad Warkentin

If you have more than one child, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that each one is different and unique in their personalities and behaviors––but is one smarter than the other? A study says it’s likely to be your eldest.

The study, which was published in the Journal of Human Resources, found that parents generally spend more time and attention on their first child, which often results in higher intelligence than younger siblings. So why is that the case?

Researchers looked at data compiled in the National Longitudinal Survey of the Youth and determined that firstborn kids tend to receive the most mental stimulation. As families expand, parents are unable to give their subsequent kids the same level of attention as their first.

The research showed that differences in cognitive development between first-born kids and their siblings were significant as early as age one. The longitudinal survey involving more than 10,000 participants first interviewed kids in 1979 and has followed up at regular intervals since then, collecting information on education, employment, and income as adults.

“The lesson here for parents is that the types of investments that you make in your kids matter a lot, especially those that you make in the children’s first few years of life,” the study’s co-author, Jee-Yeon K. Lehmann, told Today. “All those learning activities that you did with your first child as excited, nervous, and over-zealous parents actually seem to have some positive, long-lasting impact on their development.”

 

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How Taco Night Saved Our Family Dinners

By Monica Yavrom

Photo: Monica Yavrom via Tribetrektacos

The kids have been chanting, “we’re hungry” for the last hour.

You finally have dinner ready and you call the kids to the table.  Now that everything is finally ready, the kids are dragging their feet.  It takes you 15 minutes to finally have everyone gathered around the table.  Then, your picky eater points at the food and exclaims, “What is that?”

You enthusiastically explain what you have prepared.  The first protest begins, then the second–you now find yourself trying to “sell” the dinner menu to your curious and spirited kids.   You tirelessly request that they “just try” a bite of everything on their plate.

You go through your list of persuasive things:  you will grow tall and strong; eat your favorite thing first; and the last resort is the guilt-laden “people are starving in other parts of the world.” Alas, another battle at the dinner table lost.

First let’s talk a little about kids and food.  To begin, let’s ask ourselves, “why has food become such an issue for American families?”  Has it always been like this?  What are we doing right or perhaps more importantly, what are we doing wrong?

These are questions that began to surface as soon as our first-born son was able to start eating solid foods.  Of course, as a new mom–it became my mission to figure out how to make sure my kids were good eaters.  I was determined to beat this “picky eating” phase.

My initial “research” began with reading every article and blog I could find on toddlers and picky eating.  Eventually I landed on a book that I still refer to today called “French Kids Eat Everything” by Karen Le Billon.  Like any advice in life, I feel it is good to be open to ideas and then apply what works for you and your situation.   Also, I found I actually know very little about kids and food.

To begin, my research has taught me that kids must try foods many different times- approximately 15 times before they can decide if they like something.  It is also important when presenting kids with new foods to include a food item you know they will like.  Also, snacking between meals should be limited to healthy whole foods such as fruit, nuts and water.   In the book by Le Billon, she talks about how the French make dinners feel special by setting the table, and not only on special occasions.  This could be as simple as placing some left-over herbs or flower from the garden in a drinking glass.

One of the most important and challenging concepts I have learned has been to avoid using food as a means for bribery, reward or punishment.  This is something that seems to be quite ubiquitous in American culture.  You often hear tactics like, “You won’t get any dessert unless you finish your vegetables.”

In the final analysis, teaching your kids to eat and enjoy food is a PROCESS that takes time–it is unrealistic to expect immediate results.

This all seems easy enough to do in theory.  However, in the midst of our busy and chaotic lives, it is not always so simple to implement.  Enter TACO NIGHT at our house.  Allow us to share with you how Taco Night saved our family dinners.

I am of Mexican heritage and grew up eating different tacos 2-3 times a week.    My husband and I are both crazy about tacos.  Therefore, making Taco Night a special dinner at our house, as well as an opportunity to put into practice some of what we had learned was an easy choice.

We decided that once a week we would grill some delicious meats, make homemade salsa, warm-up some tortillas, chop a variety of vegetables and garnishes, make fresh fruit drinks and play some festive music.

We start by having the boys help pick out vegetables at the grocery store or farmer’s market.  They like to pick the avocados, radishes and limes.  Next, we get them involved with the meal prep.  They can do things like removing cilantro leaves from the stems, mashing avocados and pressing the tortilla press for the homemade corn tortillas.

What happened next was both amazing and eye-opening.  Our boys suddenly started asking things like, “Is dinner ready yet?”  They were also rushing to the dinner table.  Once at the dinner table, they could not wait to “customize” their taco with all the garnishes they helped prepare.  They would grab their warm soft tortilla and add steak, pickled onions, tomato, cilantro, guacamole and a twist of lime juice.  Voila–a perfect taco with all their favorite toppings.  Then, the next taco might have a different combination of ingredients.

Add some Gypsy Kings to this taco making madness and suddenly family dinners have become something to look forward to.

The truth is that dinners are still not perfect every night of the week, but they have significantly improved.  I think that Taco Night really has set a positive precedent on how dinners can be when everyone is involved.  The main take-aways I would like to share from one mama to another are:

Getting kids to Enjoy Food is a Process

In the end, the goal is to raise healthy and mindful eaters–this takes time and work.  Focus on good eating as a long-term goal.  Take one day at a time.  If things don’t work out for one meal, one day or even one week, don’t give up hope.

Involve Kids in the Kitchen

Including kids in the kitchen is key.  They are more likely to try foods that they help shop for or prepare.

Food is Food

Refrain from using food for anything other than what it is–nutritious and enjoyable.  Any other association may lead to unhealthy practices.  This can be really difficult to do, especially when we are used to the common practice of using food as a reward.

Limit Between Meal Snacking

Reduce snacking between meals.  We try to limit snacking to fruit, nuts, cheese and water–that is it.  You’d be surprised how hungry they are for dinner when they haven’t filled-up on empty calories.

Set an Example

Eat the way you would like your family to eat.  Make better choices together as a family.

Relax

Try not to hover or focus too much on your child at meal-time.  Allow them some space to explore the food in front of them.  Sometimes they might not eat and that’s okay (this was hard at first). Use dinners as a valuable time to enjoy food and conversation together–remember this is quality family time.

These are some ideas and practices that have helped our family.  And, we continue to work on these daily.  Taco Night continues to be one of the highlights of our week!

As a mom to two little boys, I am all about coffee, dinosaurs and trying to steal hugs and kisses from my boys!  I'm an average mom trying to balance family, work and making each day count.  I started Tribe Trek Tacos to inspire travel and food ideas for families.

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Between Worlds: From Stay-at-Home to Working Motherhood & Everything in Between

By Nicole VandeBoom

I sent my best friend an SOS text: “If I hear Hey mom! one more time, I’m legally changing my name to Not Mom.”

The kids had been home for four days and I was going crazy.

“They go back tomorrow, we got this. I think,” she texted back. “I’m currently hiding…in my bathroom. I may or may not be stuffing chocolate in my face. No sharing required when hidden. One more day! How did we do this every day all day?”

“What I wouldn’t give to be drowning in work right now.”  I inserted a funny gif of a cartoon drowning. I keep going one hilarious gif at a time. “I’ll NEVER do that again. I can’t even handle these four full days.”

I don’t know how I survived as a stay-at-home-mom for six child-centered years. I did it—and I think I liked it—but I can’t say for certain. I had a toddler and newborn at one point and with that combo, things got hazy. There was a lot of crying. And the kids got pretty noisy too.

Still I threw myself into it, using chalkboard paint, making cute themed lunches, attending mommy-and-me classes with people I never really bonded with. As an infant, my first born had a busier social schedule than I did in my ’20s. I was desperate for adult human interaction. We lived in a community where everyone drove down the street, pressed the garage door opener and pulled right in, closing the garage door before sneaking inside through the attached door. No one socialized.

One time I saw another mom on my cul-de-sac with an infant! I ran outside to greet her.

“Hi! I have a baby, too. We live here in this townhouse behind me. We moved in a year ago and I’ve never seen kids on this block. This is exciting. I’d love to get together and have a play date. We are always outside in the back playing, just walk on down sometime. Which house are you in?” I rambled without taking a breath.

Her deer-in-the-headlight look of surprise should have prepared me. She never did walk over when we played outside.

We moved and my both of my kids started school. I stumbled across different work opportunities. I found a writing gig at a local neighborhood newspaper. I started working for a refugee organization writing profile pieces and then shifted into their internal communications and staff support team. I stayed with the refugee organization for two years before stepping down, but in the middle of my tenure I started as a communications director for a local election. During all of that, I accepted a position on a non-profit advisory board.

Suddenly my life no longer revolved around evaluating the color of another human’s poop. I mean, I still had to do that from time to time, but I also got to discuss climate change and affordable housing and galas and outreach and nonprofit boards. Now I was the one filling my calendar. My tightly scheduled life gave me joy and purpose and I ignored creeping feelings of spreading myself too thin. That was for another time, I was flying! I did this all while balancing doctor appointments and sports and clubs and so many piano recitals. I was living the working-mom dream. Or nightmare. This point is subjective.

And then, the election was over, just like that. We lost. I went from having a role on a great team one second to just being done the next second. I watched my life change instantly as the election night returns refreshed across my screen.

That’s the funny thing about sweeping declarations. I’ll NEVER do that again. They have sharp teeth. And they’re incredibly painful. Or humbling. Usually a fine mixture of both, served up in pie form.

I told my kids I wanted to go back to work right away and they both screamed—bloody murder, not joyful noise, just to be clear.

Did you like a sprinkle of mom-guilt on your day? Because I have a surplus of that stored in my heart. Happy to share the wealth. Once again, my world revolved around evaluating another human’s poop. Despite my refusal to return, I was again a stay-at-home-mom.

I ordered chalkboard sheets the other day. I’m turning two doors into half-chalkboards. My kids are pretty pumped about that. We live in a three-bedroom condo, that’s a good chunk of our doors. And a chalkboard label for a cookie jar. I’m going to write “fresh store-bought cookies” because even at my most stay-at-home mom phase, I wasn’t a baker, which means I’m certainly not now. I can make a mean chicken though. And veggies are my jam. Maybe I can experiment with vegetable jams. Is that a thing? Maybe I can start an Etsy store.

I haven’t made a cute lunch yet. I’m still too tired in the morning. Doubtful that will ever change. A certain four-year-old crawls in my bed every single night, kicking me in the teeth with his adorable baby-soft toes. Sometimes he grabs my hand and holds it. My frustration subsides, but I’m still not making a cute lunch. Reheated leftovers or microwaved chicken nuggets will have to do.

But the thing is, being a mom is hard no matter if you stay home, work from home, work full/part-time outside the home or find yourself jumping in and out of those roles. It’s never as simple on the other side as we imagine it. I’ve been on all the sides and the emotional labor of being a mom is always draining. We carry the burden of unseen labor—school pickups, doctor appointments, emotional support, unconditional love, extra-curricular schedules, worrying about bullying or social dynamics, fruit snack opening, tear drying, butt wiping (so much butt wiping) and on and on…

The other day my son came up to me while I was making another lunch made of dinner leftovers and asked me to help him. I told him to ask daddy.

He said, “Well no, Daddy is doing something.”

Excuse me? Am I not scrambling to make two entirely different lunches because you and your brother do not eat the same things because of course my life couldn’t be simplified into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because we aren’t allowed to send peanut butter anymore and I totally respect that and you don’t like peanut butter and jelly anyway but your brother does so even if I could send PB&J I couldn’t I’d still have to make two different lunches and why can’t you bother Daddy when he’s doing something why did you walk across the house to seek me out I could use, like, one millisecond here.

Instead, I reply simply, “Sweetheart, I’m trying to make all of the lunches. Go ask Daddy.”

See, all that emotional labor? Falls on moms.

When it comes down to it, my kids just want me—all of me—and they will walk right by their empty-handed relaxing-on-the-couch dad to inform me of that while I’m rinsing soap off my face in the our not frosted-glass shower. I hope you like giving a soapy naked show when showering, because that’s motherhood, whether you stay-at-home or work or fall somewhere in-between.

Details are of no matter to your babies. All that matters on their journey is you, mama.

Nicole is boy mom to two small dudes that never stop moving or eating. She is a Pilates instructor and all around fitness junkie. She's a Chicagoan through and through. She loves reading, writing, philanthropy and using a good dose of aromatherapy in a hot bath to unwind.

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Blast Off to Space: A Family Guide to Adler Planetarium

by Wendy Altschuler

Which planet is the hottest in our solar system? Is there a planet made out of diamonds? What’s the difference between a meteorite and an asteroid? Is space silent? These questions, and more, can be answered by visiting the Adler Planetarium, the first planetarium in the Western Hemisphere. Located along Lake Michigan on Museum Campus, Adler sits near other Chicago favorites: Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum of Natural History and Soldier Field. For all-things-Adler, read our guide to make the most of your mission.

Where to start

Why, the exhibits, of course! Families can spend hours exploring the exhibits—no kidding. It’s easy to lose track of time while wandering and wondering. Hands-on activities abound—from working the controls on a two-story rocket to getting an insider’s peek at the Space Station or manipulating a rover, here’s just a taste of what you’ll find:

Our Solar System – Get your hands on a meteorite that traveled millions of miles and crashed into Earth, leaving a huge crater in the Arizona desert. Touch a Moon rock and hear why footprints last so long up there (and it’s not because mom or dad isn’t there to wipe them up). Feel a piece of Mars and learn about the robotic rover that’s doing a bit of investigating on the red planet’s surface. And, before you move on, make your own mini crater using the Crater Maker.

The Universe: A Walk Through Space and Time – Go back to the very beginning to see how galaxies, stars, planets and even the atoms in your body were created as the Universe expanded. Travel billions of light years from our Solar System to investigate some of the most diverse and beautiful objects in deep space in ultra-high resolution from the world’s most advanced telescopes.

Mission Moon – Experience America’s very first steps in space through the eyes of Captain Lovell and his family, with all its twists and turns, setbacks and successes. In this exhibit, you’ll learn how the U.S. became the first nation to put a man on the Moon, what it’s really like to be an astronaut and why it takes a team to explore these unchartered worlds. It’s the story of a national hero, who started off as boy in Wisconsin who loved rockets that turned into man whose supportive family helped him become extraordinary.

What is a Planet? – Weigh in on whether you think Pluto got a raw deal being demoted to dwarf planet status. If Pluto isn’t a planet, then what is? What makes a planet a planet? Our accepted definition has changed drastically in the last 500 years. Explore artifacts from Adler’s collection that show how planets aren’t what they used to be, witness how everyone from astronomers to the general public reacted to Pluto’s reclassification in 2006 and find out what qualifies as a planet today.

Planet Explorers – Kids ages 3-8, turned junior space explorers, can take charge in this modern-day adventure. They will enter a world where they can climb, crawl, play and learn what it takes to be a part of a mission to outer space. They’ll likely be ready for naps after taking control of a two-story rocket, visiting a Space Station to see how everyday objects work different in space, take a stroll though the unknown in the Planet Explorers Spacewalk Experience and search for signs of life on Planet X.

Astronomy in Culture – Stargazers in ancient cultures used spectacular tools such as the armillary sphere, the astrolabe, the pocket sundial, and the cannon dial to understand the Universe and to organize their daily lives. Travel back in time to understand these curious tools, as well as the people who developed and used them. Pretend your always-connected smartphone doesn’t exist for a minute and imagine how an astrolabe could help you find your way home long before GPS was dreamed up.

The Historic Atwood Sphere – Chicago’s first-born planetarium, is something that you’ll think of long after you leave the museum. How else will you get the chance to see what Chicago’s night sky looked like back in 1913? Nearly 700 holes are drilled into the metal globe, creating constellations that a guide will point out to you with a laser pointer once you’re secure inside the orb.

Community Design Lab – Visitors can test different materials to find out which would survive the journey to 100,000 feet above Earth’s surface, build a DIY telescope-mount for smartphones and become an instant astrophotographer by testing it on real telescopes and explore daily scientific challenges developed by Adler experts. With marshmallows, popsicle sticks, duct tape, shaving cream and a steady supply of bubble wrap and cardboard, the design possibilities are endless!

See a Show

Seeing a well-made show is all a part of the experience at the planetarium. Six 30-minute shows that explore space and our knowledge of it through time, are currently available:

Planet Nine – Tagalong with Mike Brown and his CalTech team as they uncover dwarf worlds like the stunningly bright Eris; Haumea, an egg-shaped object rotating a break-neck speeds; and Sedna, whose orbit takes it deep into the far reaches of the Solar System. Join in on the hunt for the ninth planet at the Subaru Telescope in Hawaii.

Imagine the Moon – With Adler’s newest sky show, you’ll explore how the Moon as influenced human creativity, learning and exploration since we first looked at they sky via inspired storytelling and stunning imagery.

One World, One Sky: Big Bird’s Adventure – Elmo’s friend Hu Hu Zhu notices Sesame Street looks a bit different from his home in China. But when he looks up to the sky, the great human connecter, he feels immediately at home. With the wisdom of Big Bird, the friends learn about the Sun, the Moon and the Big Dipper, then blast off to the moon. Join them as they sing songs about space and celebrate the sky that is shared by all.

Destination Solar System – Dig deep in your imagination and imagine the year is 2096, space tourism is absolutely on the boom and you’ve signed up for a quick trip around the Solar System. Your guides in this live show are Jesse, a lovable rookie tour guide who can’t wait to show you the wonders of your celestial neighborhood, and Max, the much more experienced—if slightly grumpy—shipboard computer. With Max at the controls and Jesse chatting you up, you’ll soar through the Asteroid Belt, explore the moons of Jupiter and Saturn and hover over the surface of the sun. So, just your average day.

Welcome to the Universe – Get a clear picture of your place in this vast and mysterious universe, with its network of exploding stars, swirling galaxies, orbiting planets, black holes and strange and unknown yet to be deciphered.

Skywatch Live – We’re lucky to have Adler right in our city limits, but the bright lights and big city make it tough to see the twinkle in the sky. A live presenter will turn down the city lights and crank up the stars to show you the night sky over Chicago like you’ve never seen it before. Learn how to navigate by starlight, meet the stars behind your favorite constellations, and witness the incomprehensible vastness of the Universe.

Events and Special Programming

The museum is full of fun space-themed happenings that will light up your experience. Some of these events are one-time only, like the free-with-admission Pop-Up Programs that focus on STEAM (science, technology, engineering, art, mathematics), held throughout the year.

Young Explorers Mondays – Enables families with kids ages 2-6 to explore deeper through hands-on activities, story time and more. Held on Mondays, 9:30 a.m.-1 p.m.

Sun Salutations Yoga – Stretch and slacken during a Vinyasa Flow yoga class, held once a month from 8:30 a.m.-9:30 a.m., in the Grainger Sky Theater. Imagine a star-filled sky lighting up overhead as you roll around a yoga mat with your kids (ages 10 & up). Museum admission is included in the price for Sun Salutations Yoga, feel free to explore afterward.

Doane at Dusk – Adler’s Doane Observatory is home to one of the coolest aperature telescopes in the world. At Doane at Dusk, you can see celestial objects trillions of miles away, like the moon and planets—even though you’re in a bustling and bright metropolis! Adler Astronomers are on deck at this free nighttime after-hours viewing session.

Camps – Adler’s camps will spark the scientific curiosity in everyone from the itty-bitty youngest campers to all the way up to 10th grade as they learn about the skills of science exploration. With tools like telescopes, programmable robots, and high-altitude balloons—and new friends around every corner—your kids will share adventures of cosmic proportions with their peers. Young space and technology enthusiasts will engage their imaginations, show their creative side and navigate their Universe together just like scientists.

After Dark Series – Grab your favorite guy or gal on the third Thursday of every month and swing down to the The Adler After Dark series, which is exclusively for adults 21 & over and features a different theme each time. Periodically, they host a family-friendly version of the After Dark program, so be on the lookout. The events sell out fast, so be sure to order tickets ahead of time.

Earth Fest – In honor of Earth Day, which happens annually on April 22, Adler hosts a day of celebrating all things Earth. Check their calendar for exact dates. When Earth Day falls on a weekday, they typically celebrate the weekend prior or after the date and on a weekend that does not conflict with Easter.

Noshes and Keepsakes

When you need a break, and fuel, grab a bite at Galileo’s Café, which serves sandwiches, soups, salads and flatbreads. You’ll recharge while enjoying lovely views of Chicago’s skyline and Lake Michigan. This is also a great place to sneak out onto the outside deck for a photo. (Other great photo opportunities are on the lawn east of the building and in front of the out-of-doors sculptures: Spiral Galaxy, Man Enters the Cosmos and America’s Courtyard.)

For space ice cream, astronaut suits, geodes, books on astronomy and Adler Planetarium patches, visit the Adler Store. Bonus: the proceeds from your purchases help STEM education and scientific research.

Best Time to Visit

Adler is open every day, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., with extended hours during spring break and summer. That means from Memorial Day to Labor Day, you can visit 9 a.m.-6 p.m. We recommend visiting early and during the week to avoid crowds. You might also consider planning your visit around one of Adler’s special after-hours events. Keep in mind that a visit during a school break, over the weekend or a day that is free for Illinois residents will likely result in more museum goers, also there to explore.

Admission

A number of admission packages and membership options exist depending on what your goals are while at the museum. If you want to go big and do it all, the Anytime All-Access Pass is your best bet. You’ll have access to all exhibits, shows and the Historic Atwood Sphere. Adults are $34.95 and kids are $29.95.

General Admission, which includes museum entry is $12 for adults and $8 for children.

If you plan on visiting several Chicago attractions, consider the Chicago CityPASS, which will give you a big discount overall.

Illinois residents can enjoy free General Admission on select days throughout the year—check the website for updates and timing. Illinois teachers (pre-K through 12) and active military personnel receive free General Admission with proper identification. Adler is also proud to participate in Museums for All, which provides Basic Pass admission for up to 8 people for $1/guest for anyone who qualifies for state food assistance and is in possession of an EBT card.

Bring Adler Home With You

If you visit the Education tab of Adler Planetarium’s website, you will find lots of hands-on STEAM projects—simple and challenging—that you can do at home such as: Make Your Own Lava Lamp, Microorganism Environment Experiment and Float an Egg Challenge.

Adler Planetarium
1300 S. Lake Shore Dr., Museum Campus
Online: adlerplanetarium.org

— Wendy Altschuler

Photos: courtesy of Adler Planetarium

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Everything You Need to Know About Visiting the Museum of Science and Industry

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The Country’s 30 Best Science Museums for Kids

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The Week I Busted Every Excuse My Toddler Gave to Not Eat

By
Partner Content

When you, your husband and first-born child are down for trying any and every food—Dried kiwi? Delish! Spicy crab sushi? More please! Escargot? Yum!—it’s quite the shocker when your second born hits the high chair hating pretty much everything you put in front of her.

In a good week, we can get her to nibble on rice, corn, and edamame…every day. Swap one of those foods for something else, and all bets are off. She’s not having any of it. In a not-so-good-week her palate prefers to cycle through foods with too much sugar, fat or salt (pre-packaged muffins have to get boring at some point, right?).

And now that she’s a bonafide three-nager with an opinion, she seems to have an excuse to not want to eat anything under the sun—from too-crunchy broccoli to too-drippy ice cream (seriously!). As you can imagine, prepping something that I know she will eat and that’s healthy has been super time consuming and stressful.

So, we decided to try out Nurture Life, ready-to-eat meals that are fresh-made, wholesome, and conveniently delivered on a weekly basis ($47/five meals a week; $89/ten meals a week). In addition to broadening baby girl’s horizons, with each new meal she tried, I was able to save my sanity and counter some of her commonly dished out excuses for not wanting to eat.

The excuse: “I only like mac and cheese.”

Nurture Life’s menu features seasonal dishes that change four times a year and Favorites that stay on the menu all year long. The Seasonal Menu features more adventurous dishes like Pork Cassoulet and Tropical Fried Rice. The Favorites Menu offers healthier versions of classic kids faves, including mac and cheese and meatballs. Our girl is pretty rigid about the flavors she enjoys, so the Favorites were familiar and recognizable–she devoured them. What I liked was that the meals are developed by pediatric registered dietitians to ensure my tot gets a variety of flavors in just the right proportions, because my girl would surely eat an entire plate of just white rice if you let her. Real talk.

The excuse: “Wahhhh, my food is touching!”

This has got to be one of the most popular reasons tots don’t want to eat their meals. How dare the chicken and rice touch each other on a plate! Since when did green beans and potato hash need personal space? My three-year-old’s point was mute during our week with Nurture Life’s pre-packaged meals. The food comes ready to heat-and-eat in portioned and partitioned containers. You can eat straight from the container for quick clean-up, or food can be scooped onto a plate (if food touching isn’t a thing for your kid).

The excuse: “There are green things.”

This phrase is common in our household and is often followed with, “I hate green things.” She also doesn’t like orange or red things, which is problematic when you’re trying to fill her up with nutritional goodness. Nurture Life links up with globally inspired chefs who use kid-friendly quantities of herbs and spices like bay leaf, cilantro and ginger to complement their fresh ingredients. Translation: Instead of always hiding or masking vegetables in with other things, they simply make the veggies taste better for bambinos. And they really do! Don’t tell her, but I snuck a taste here and there for verification, and found that the vegetables in particular had a subtle, but interesting flavor profile.

The excuse: “I didn’t cook it.”

Ummmmm…you’re three, so obviously you aren’t going to be stir frying away in the kitchen, my dear. But, I get it. Little ones, including mine, love to be involved in the kitchen. And all of the experts agree that toddlers who help prepare their own meals are more likely to eat said meal. Even though Nurture Life’s meals are microwavable, I tried to give our picky eater a part in meal planning. She helped put her meals in the fridge after they arrived, she picked out what she wanted to eat, she vented the packaging and she popped it in the microwave for reheating. The result was she tried every single thing. #winning

Got a picky eater too? Give Nurture Life a try with this special offer: Receive $30 off your first order with code REDTRI at checkout.

copy and photos by Ayren Jackson-Cannady

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