ML Interest Tag: innocence

All the Insight Needed to Transform My Heart I Learned from Parenting

By Shelby Spear

The words of Robert Fulghum’s essay, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” hung on my kitchen wall like a whisper of God’s grace amidst our daily living when my three kids were tiny tots.  He reminds us with profound wonder how most of what you need to know about life you learn in kindergarten: share everything, play fair, clean up your own mess, to name a few.

If you’ve been a parent for any length of time, say, a few months, I’m guessing you’ve come to learn the school of parenting includes an even deeper sandbox of lessons from which to scoop meaning and purpose. And not because counting forward from the date on our birth certificate equates to wisdom either. Wisdom is knowing what you don’t know, which is a lot of not knowing much about anything when entering parenthood.

Kids are ego smashers, and the “in the sand experience of raising them” offers many opportunities to knock down our castles of pride and self-preservation. After 23 years of feet in the gritty stuff adventure, my soul walks much lighter having had fortresses of vainglory crumble.

The journey of raising kids does a number on our heart, whatever the real meaning is of such a cliché. But doing a number on us in terms of parenting means unexplainable twists and turns, tugs and pulls of emotions. And if we allow ourselves to learn from the flux, the experience can and should transform our heart in any number of ways.

For me, doing the mom thing for decades means a head full of retrospect and a heart which continues to morph in a million ways. Consider the following poem my parenting heartspeak in 100 words—inspired in full by the talented and wise Robert Fulghum.

Cherish everything.

Fight fair.

Don’t compare yourself to others.

Put everything into perspective.

Worry about your own mess.

Don’t expect others to see things the way you do.

Say I love you. Always.

Count to ten before anything.

Pray.

Trials and struggles enlighten you.

Live a grateful life.

Trust more, think less.

And love and hug and listen and laugh.

Speak, but also be.

Make some time for you every day.

When you feel like you’re alone on an island,

Know a million other parents share the same shore.

Communicate, then succeed and fail together.

Become a child once again.

Our children see the world from a different vantage point. Finding the courage to stoop to their level is akin to sprinkling pixie dust upon any beleaguered, disparaging, and calloused life views. The evils of fallen nature have yet to tarnish the innocence, so the wonder, wide-eyed amazement and unconditional love of everything in sight still tumbles through their spirit. Choosing to go along for the ride can awaken our tired adult selves and rebirth a knowing of what matters most.

And these are only some of the lessons we learn in the first decade. The second half of child-rearing is a close encounter of the undefinable kind, unfurling life lessons from every quantum cranny of the parent-child universe. Stay tuned as I sit crisscross applesauce in my empty nest and muse over how to pen the adolescent years into 100 words or less.

And if you know a mom or dad who would enjoy this post, please share. The more insight we can garner and pass around, the better journey for us as parents—which means even greater rewards for our kids going forward.

Transform on, crazy Mamas!

A self-described “sappy soul whisperer/sarcasm aficionado,” Shelby is a wife of 27 years & mom of three millennials. She co-authored How Are You Feeling, Momma? (You don't need to say, "I'm fine.") Her stories are in print at Guideposts, online at sites like Her View From Home and Parenting Teens & Tweens, and at shelbyspear.com. Get 3 FREE chapters of Shelby's book

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Post-Vacation Withdrawals

By Kathee Foley

I love to vacation and I love to get away, but if anyone tells you that flying across the country (and I mean from the very west coast to the very east coast) toddler in tow, in the hot tropical heat, trying to dodge thunderstorms, and constantly reapplying sunscreen is relaxing, I’d say BS! For those who have done it, I don’t have to tell you. You know all too well that vacations or getaways take on a whole new meaning when you do it with kids. It’s a lot of work, but is it well worth it? Yes. Yes! YES! I’d do it all over again!

We spent a week in Orlando, Florida at the happiest place on earth! I’m not sure if that accolade is strictly reserved for Disneyland in Anaheim, California, but it is DisneyWORLD, so let’s call it the happiest place on earth! This trip was full of firsts for us. First time flying with a “lap infant,” as airlines call under-2-year olds. First time in Florida and at Disneyworld for Tyler and me. Our first weeklong family vacation and many many more firsts.

I won’t bore you with the logistics of travelling with a toddler. If you do want to commiserate or trade tips and tricks, drop me a comment. I’m all for it! But I do want to relive the moments and memories that are forever in my heart and in the 2000 photos I snapped on my iPhone!

Aside from us telling Tyler who certain Disney characters are and what our vacation was about, he had no familiarity or association with the characters and rides. For that reason, I was hoping he wouldn’t freak out at giant costumed characters, which he didn’t! If you asked me to narrow it down to three things, I could tell you that the three highlights for him were character dining, riding the monorail, and driving at the Tomorrowland Speedway.

Character dining. We dined with Chef Mickey. We united with our Ohana and brunched with Lilo and Stitch. We had lunch with Pooh and Friends in the 100 Acre Woods. We recharged in Africa with Mickey and Friends after embarking on the Kilimanjaro Safari. And when our last day rolled around, we said our farewells to Disneyworld at brunch with our friends from Fantasyland. You could just see the excitement and adoration in Tyler’s eyes as he was greeted by Mickey Mouse. He was his sweetest most cuddly self when Stitch and Pooh came to visit. He gave out high fives and kisses and the occasional boop on the nose. You can just see the excitement on his face! It made me remember the wonderment and I could just see and feel it through his eyes the way I once did as a kid. That was pretty special and and something I hope to experience again soon.

The monorail. Such a simple, and very convenient mode of transport, but it never ceased to amaze and excite Tyler. Sometimes he’d ride the monorail on the bench with us. Sometimes in his stroller. Other times, he’d stand up and hold on to the pole. But no matter what, he’d joyfully point out in his sweet little voice to all the other riders (multiple times on each trip too) that we were riding the monorail. “Monrrraaail!” He’s still talking about it and just yesterday called a passing lightrail “monrail!”

“Drive! Drive!” *Steering hand motions* This kid loves cars, trains, trucks, and things that go. Things with wheels, horns, engines, or motors that go fast and can make you dizzy are his cup of tea. It was no wonder he loved the Mad Tea Party. But the Tomorrowland Speedway had to be his favorite ride. Our first time on the ride, Kevin and I let Tyler take the wheel and it was the jerkiest car ride of our lives! We screamed and laughed so hard as we repeatedly hit the rails. The other drivers were sure to keep their distance. We had to pry his hands off the steering wheel at the end of the ride. The ride operator shook his head and said we’re going to have a tough time with this one once he’s a teenager. Ugh, I don’t even want to think that far ahead. And hopefully this is not a foreshadowing of when he learns how to drive. Kev took Tyler on the ride a couple more times too. I had to stay in the grandstand because I was getting sick. A jerky car ride and the smell of fuel do not mix well with a bad cold. When we got back to our hotel room, Kevin showed me how he was thrown from side to side and how he was yelling each time they hit the rails. It was much to Tyler’s delight as he giggled watching and hearing his daddy recount their latest race for mommy. Just making the same jerky motions and talking about how Tyler is a crazy driver instantly triggers steering motions, car sounds, and loud giggles. Music to my ears!

For me, the highlight of the trip was experiencing the magic and awe through Tyler’s eyes. People tell me that there’s nothing like reliving your childhood through your child’s eyes and they’re right. Spending an afternoon at the park, meeting the characters, going on a new ride. These things just take you back and give you all the feels. You forget about all that’s wrong in the world and remember all that’s right–the sweet innocence, imagination, exploration, and magic of being a kid. In those moments, you’re a kid again and the everyday stressors and the responsibilities of adulthood go away for a little while. It’s fun, refreshing, and so heart-warming and something I wish I could just bottle up and take a whiff or a swig of anytime I’m in need  of a little pick-me-up.

Is it really any surprise that I’m going through these post-vacation withdrawals that have me wondering why we ever came home in the first place? Take me back to Neverland! But all post-vacay sadness aside, it really was the trip of a lifetime and the magic and memories will never fade.

Hi! I'm Kathee! I hope to inspire and find inspiration in my everyday. I love to share stories and I enjoy opportunities that allow me to be creative. Family, food, crafting, and planning are my passions. I'm excited to join the Red Tricycle community and can't wait to connect! 

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Here’s Why You Should Never Stop Playing

By Anna Yudina

Play is an important part of growing up, not only during childhood but also into adulthood and later in life. However, as we grow older, the free, unstructured play that once used to fill our time is replaced by more structured sports and game-playing and then turns to more sedentary activities.

According to The Genius of Play, an initiative spearheaded by The Toy Association to raise awareness with parents, caregivers, and educators about the importance of play, giving children the opportunity to play with the whole family, including grandparents, provides a multitude of benefits for both young and old alike.

With Grandparent’s Day on September 8, I spoke to Dr. Amanda Gummer, child psychologist and founder of Fundamentally Children, who explained that when kids have contact or play with older adults, they display higher levels of language development and problem-solving skills. Playing with people of different ages allows little ones to improve social and communication skills, while bonding and creating shared memories and traditions. When grandparents tell stories about their own lives, it helps children open their horizons and understand more about the world around them.

And while children can gain an enriched learning experience from interacting with positive role models, playtime is also great for grandparents, as it gives them a chance to reminisce about their childhood. Playtime with grandchildren also promotes relaxation, reduces stress and increases activity levels in older generations, helping to increase coordination and maintain cognitive skills. Staying in good health allows grandparents to be able to experience new things with their grandchildren, which can build a foundation for a relationship that will last a long time.

Children bring innocence, joy, laughter, and youthfulness into any environment and the elderly bring wisdom, experience, and maturity. So, with Grandparent’s Day on the horizon, remember to encourage a healthy, playful relationship between your kids and their grandparents.

 

Anna Yudina is the Director of Marketing Initiatives for The Toy Association™, a not-for-profit trade association that represents toy companies. Currently, she’s spearheading The Genius of Play™, a parent-focused movement raising awareness of play as a crucial part of child development and encouraging families to make time for play daily.

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Disney’s Live-Action “The Little Mermaid” Officially Has Its Ariel

by Shahrzad Warkentin

News has been swirling about the cast of the new live-action The Little Mermaid which is in the works, and now fans can officially get a first look at the new Ariel.

Disney has revealed that R&B singer Halle Bailey of Chloe x Halle will be joining the cast of The Little Mermaid as the golden-voiced mermaid turned human. “After an extensive search, it was abundantly clear that Halle possesses that rare combination of spirit, heart, youth, innocence, and substance—plus a glorious singing voice—all intrinsic qualities necessary to play this iconic role,” the film’s director Rob Marshall said in a statement.

Bailey joins the growing cast, which already includes Jacob Tremblay and Awkwafina. Melissa McCarthy is also reportedly in talks to play the role of Ursula. This will be the first feature film role for Bailey who also stars in the Freeform series Grown-ish.

The new live action reboot will feature songs from the original animated film as well as new songs composed by Alan Menken and Hamilton sensation Lin-Manuel Miranda, who is no stranger to Disney having written Oscar-nominated songs for Moana and Mary Poppins Returns.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Hollywood Reporter via Instagram

 

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Reclaiming the Joy of Childhood as an Adult

By Clarise Pedersen

Years ago I read an article about a young mom going through a horrific divorce.  To mentally combat the abuse she suffered, her therapist recommended she focus on what made her happy as a child.

As children, we are blessed with innocence and freedom. As a Southern girl, a day of raking pine straw from the tall trees that stood as pillars in our vast front yard, could easily turn from chore to play.  That same pine straw allowed my sisters and I to become birds with personalities all our own, intent on building the finest nest in all of Georgia.

As a mom, do I let the same creative joy envelop me? I can say for a fact that the last time I mowed the lawn, washed the dishes, or did the laundry, those actions felt like chores—necessary, but still something to trudge through.  Yet, I often reflect on that once-familiar article, not because I’m going through a divorce (I’m not), but because sometimes I look at my children and yearn for the joy that envelops them.

My remedy came one day during a familiar mom task . . . waiting. Between preschool carpool and speech therapy, I found myself waiting in a parked car on a sunny day for ten minutes to pass so I could trade one waiting area for another.  I opened the car door and helped my son out. The green grassy field ahead of us was too inviting for him to pass up. His little feet hit the pavement and ran, desperate to feel like Frauline Maria in an open field, without ever knowing The Sound of Music himself. Seeing him exuberant flipped a switch in me.

My parental boredom gave way to an opportunity long forgotten. Several long branches lay at the base of a nearby shady tree.  “Wanna sword fight?” I proposed with a smirk to my eager son. As we swung branches around like Jack Sparrow, I realized the joy was there. It had always been there. And I was ready to reclaim it.

I'm a southern momma learning everything boys.  My kids make me happy and crazy all at the same time and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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He’s Mean Because He Needs Manners—Not because “He Likes You”

By Maggie McComb

His name was John and he was full of nervous energy.

I was in 3rd grade; the memories are mostly fuzzy, but I do recall being a very shy and lonely kid. Our class would go out onto the playground for recess and John would immediately begin to chase me. I would run and run, out of breath and desperate to relax my aching legs. If he managed to catch me, he would pull my hair and tease me about my clothes, shouting obscene names that I didn’t understand at that age. So I would run faster and look for groups of kids to hide within, and the next day it would start all over again.

I never told a single person.

The next year John was no longer at our school and I never heard of him again. No one seemed to notice.

As I got older, I started to believe that worn out story: it must have been that he liked me, but didn’t know how to show it. Eventually I forgot about John all together. That is, until my daughter told me about a boy in her 2nd grade class.

“He follows me around and teases me,” she would say. “I hate it.”

I volunteered in the classroom and had first-hand knowledge of his behavior and knew how he treated all the kids–girls and boys– and his behavior was already known to the teachers. I found myself thinking back to my own elementary experiences and for the first time in 30 years. I remembered John.

I remembered how his clothes were thread-bare and how he always looked sleepy. I remembered his nervous laugh whenever the teacher called on him and the perfectly round scar he had around one eye that was eerily similar to the size and shape of a baseball bat. As an adult, I could clearly see that John had been struggling at home. I walked the hallways of my memories and realized there was almost certainly abuse going on and he didn’t know how to confide that to our teachers.

I’ll never know why he picked on me, but I’m guessing it was because I let him do it. Chances are he picked on other kids, too—but I didn’t notice. Dominating bullying tactics were probably ingrained in his mind as the right way to act because he likely saw that at home, but I’ll never know for sure.

Too often, when girls are teased, bullied or harassed by boys, we assume there is a childish innocence to the behavior and that a “crush” is involved to explain it away. Girls are encouraged to ignore it or deal with it and boys are allowed to continue their actions unchecked.

There are several reasons why we need to stop this storyline. Mistreating others, even in a joking manner, should never be confused with romance and affection. Those girls and boys grow up to be adults who continue thinking these are normal parts of life and rites of passage.

Dismissing this behavior as normal encourages victim blaming and victim silence and ignores the base reasons for why the behavior existed in the first place. The bully very often is suffering a trauma as well and is hiding behind his bravado. Ignoring it during the formative years will only increase the behavior into adulthood and cause bigger problems. No one wins, so how can we encourage a more positive conversation with our kids about these situations?

Let the hurt child know their feelings are valid and they have a right to remove themselves from the situation. This isn’t just true for bullying situations, but toxic friends as well. No one should accept being injured physically or emotionally as a “normal” part of a relationship.

Likewise, let the bullying child know they have valid feelings, too. Encouraging them to speak safely with a trusted adult might provide some insight into what has sparked the teasing behavior.

Give children trusted adults to speak with. Parents aren’t going to be around every moment and some kids simply don’t like their teachers, so kids need to know whom to speak with if they just need to talk with someone. Grandparents, school counselors, school nurses and youth leaders are just some possibilities.

Explain no one has a right to scare you into being quiet. Kids need to know if they are threatened into keeping a secret, it’s a clear indication it’s time to get another adult involved.

Stop the “I bet he likes you” speech. Males and females aged 1 to 100 can have healthy platonic relationships, so why put a romantic label on such behavior, especially with children?  It implies a boy and girl can only have a romantic connection, which hurts their chances of fostering healthy, neutral friendships. Strong relationships with kids of all genders are important for every child’s development.

Make it clear that love does not equal abuse. As parents, we have the power to change the narrative and teach kindness and respect for all.

Maggie and her family roost in the Pacific Northwest and share their travels, homeschool field trips, curriculum ideas and lifest‌yle tips from a city-based homestead. Maggie is a cooking enthusiast and avid student of history and science. She's also mother to an "old soul" tween daughter. 

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The Brutally Honest Truth About Motherhood

By April Sutphen

There are certain things mothers just aren’t supposed to think, or at least not say out loud. These thoughts can include, but are not limited too, “I wish I could run away,” “What has my life become?” or, “If they say my name one more time I’m going to scream!” We all feel it. We all get it. We’ve all experienced it.

Motherhood is a beautiful and magical experience but it’s not always peaches and cream. Nothing in life is. Are there moments where I wonder, “What would life be like without kids?” Yes! (Sorry, did I answer that too enthusiastically?0

I’ve said, on many occasions, that I became a mother before I was fully prepared for the responsibility. But then there are so many people in life that say, you’re never really ready to have a child. There’s never enough money, enough preparation or a perfectly laid plan. This is probably true, but I would’ve liked a little more time to process the whole thing.

How It All Started

Let me give you a brief rundown of how my life unfolded from age 21 to present. I met my husband three weeks before I turned 21. He is 16 years older than me, had been married twice before and was in the midst of his second divorce. His ex-wife and her four kids (none were my husbands) were still living in the house. He was staying with his parents.

The same week I turned 22, his divorce was finalized and we moved back into the house, which was a disaster, to say the least. It took several months and a ton of elbow grease to get the home into livable condition for us. The following summer, before I turned 23, he proposed. We were married the following November: I was 24. That December he broached the subject of children. He was 40 and never having had children with either of his previous wives, he was concerned. He worried that we wouldn’t get pregnant right away or might face complications. So, I stopped taking my birth control pill in December, figuring, “Hey, this will probably take a while.”

Wrong! We found out in April after the holidays that I was pregnant. We were both excited and nervous. I was 25. It sounds foolish to many when I say that I did not fully understand the weight of what was happening—that in just nine short months my life would be changed forever. My life would no longer be my own. I would be giving up my freedom, spontaneity and overall sanity some days. Why didn’t anybody tell me?

The Constant Struggles

The first few years of my son’s life were most difficult for me. My husband worked as a full-time police officer and owned several businesses. Life was hectic to say the least. And I was left home alone to care for our son—the son I wasn’t ready for. The son my husband wanted.

Those were the thoughts running through my mind. I felt guilty for feeling that way. Was there something wrong with me? I loved my son unconditionally but sometimes viewed my role as mother as a burden and something I had not chosen for myself. I realize that is a very martyr way of thinking. And no one forced me to become a mother. I was my own woman who made my own decisions.

The Regrets That’s Won’t Go Away

As I reflected on my life prior to motherhood, I had a lot of regrets and feelings about lost opportunities. I never went away to college, my choice. I was only 17 when I graduated high school and the thought of moving away from my family was unappealing to me. I remember hearing of my friends applying to universities in California, Florida and Texas. Some were even traveling out of the country to study and volunteer abroad! I remember thinking then, “What, are they crazy?” Whereas now my thought is, “Wow, what an amazing opportunity.”

I commuted to a four-year college and then went to graduate school in Massachusetts. The program involved distance learning, which meant I spent two 10 day residencies a year at the university. The remainder of the work was done via email and computer. But for those 10 days where I stayed in a gorgeous hotel off-campus, walked through the park each morning to class and indulged in late night dinners and drinks with my fellow scholars, I felt like I was really living life. I was finally doing something for myself. It was thrilling. I felt independent, responsible and strong. It was a brief time in my life, a memory that I hold very close to my heart.

Why Motherhood Is Worth It, No Matter What

So, yes, I can be honest and say that I have mommy moments where I wish I was alone, where I could travel at will, skip dinner, watch reality television and workout at any hour of the day. I could rock out to inappropriate music in the car, walk around naked and be spontaneous. All of those luxuries go out the window when you become a parent. But, they are replaced with other amazing things that I wouldn’t experience if I wasn’t a mother.

Those moments when my son tells me that I’m beautiful or that he loves me more than anyone in the entire world. Or, when he bounds off the bus with his spelling test in his hand, beaming with pride over his 100. When he scores his first goal in soccer or asks me to snuggle with him. Those moments where I watch him sleep and stare in amazement at his brilliance, innocence and kind heart.

I’ve learned to let go of those feelings of regret and resent. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I became a mother for a reason. My son makes me a better, stronger person. And there is always time later in life for adventures that are all my own. In 10 short years my son will be the same age I was when I graduated high school. And maybe he will decide to move away to college. And I hope he does. I want him to experience everything that life has to offer.

I want my son to have no regrets. There will be time later in life for “me”—right now is the time for “us.”

 

Featured Photo Courtesy: Jenna Norman/Unsplash

I am a 32 year old mother of a son and wife to an officer. I am honest about both the love and struggle of parenting. I enjoy being active and writing is my passion, second only to my family.

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