ML Interest Tag: introvert

Why I’m Teaching My Kids They Aren’t Unique

By Lisa Mozden

When I think about how I want my kids to see the world, I am usually intimidated at such a heavy and daunting parenting responsibility. But what I do know is that I want to primarily emphasize what we all have in common, and not what makes us different. In a world where everyone needs to be labeled, categorized, and take the “Which Disney character are you” quiz on IG, I want my kids to recognize that, while they are unique in some ways, they might have more in common with a kid half-way across the world than they think.

We live in a country divided, so as a mom, I know it starts with me to set the example, which is not always so simple. It’s easy to fall back on labels and even use them as excuses. I am old, so I can’t use my phone. I am an introvert, so I can’t go to your party. I understand why we all want to classify ourselves as Millennials, Gen Z, etc., but let’s all take a step back and look at each other without that filter. Sure it makes things a little harder and you might have to dig a little deeper, but I think it’s worth it.

There was a year when I lived in Los Angeles while my husband and five-year-old lived in Boston, and I remember searching for ways to soothe my soul while I was away. I would tell myself, and sometimes my son, when we talked on the phone at night, “We are both looking at the same moon every night and when I look up there I think of you and know we are still connected.” Not sure if I blew his mind with my deep thoughts but it did somehow help with the distance and pain of being away from my family. A little cheesy, sure, but I feel like when we fall back on what we have on common, everyone wins.

Just like everyone else, I also see differences on some of my tougher days—I notice how much older I am than most people in the room, how quiet I am, how I always seem to be one step behind everyone else, how little I know about what is cool, or not cool, and how much more I enjoy potato chips than most. But digging in and revealing some of my quirks and personality traits, both good and bad, can be interesting and rewarding.

As I peel away my introvert, Gen X, mom-of-two-boys label and take a little break from rolling my eyes at any sort of emotional expression, I might expose any of the following characteristics to someone, the sum of which does not fit into a tidy label. As mentioned before but worth mentioning again—I love all kinds of potato chips, but hate it when people eat them around me. I will always love a good latte, going to the library on Saturdays and the fact that the librarians know my name (rock star nerd). I don’t understand or pretend to think face tattoos are cool. I daydream about volunteering for Search and Rescue and hate getting up early. When I was younger I never really wanted to be married, or a mother. My favorite time is Sunday mornings when I make endless pancakes for the kids (I have a 15-year-old). I have an amazing older sister (who everyone thinks is younger) who has seen me through my darkest days as well as her own. I am so tired of the word “self-care.” I am very nostalgic about 80’s movies and old horror movies. I fall down…a lot. Snowboarding has brought me my husband, a broken arm and boundless joy. I love a good cheese plate. I let both kids watch Dunkirk, and still question my judgment when my nine-year-old mentions it in conversations. My happiest places are the mountains, and also in bed, in my pajamas, with a great book. I really don’t like most viral videos and museums. I have a fear of small spaces and drowning. I am terrible at geography. Some days I think I could be best friends with Jamie Lee Curtis—we could chat about horror movies and embracing grey hair and wrinkles—and am only slightly obsessed with meeting Trevor Noah—we would talk about his mother, of course. I have a photographic memory. I think anyone who says they love kale is lying. I can be super awkward and somedays just want people to hear what is going on in my head so I don’t have to speak. My nine-year-old is on his iPad so much that I am scared but yet can’t seem to enforce a limit with any consistency. I don’t care what people think of me the majority of the time, and then there are days where I just want everyone to like me.

Go ahead and try it. The minute you step out of that box, you open yourself up to endless possibilities and connections. I am pretty sure all the things I mentioned above are not unique to me. Okay maybe the Jamie Lee Curtis/Trevor Noah thing is a little out there, but relying on stereotypes and labels really won’t get us anywhere. I’ll try to continue finding commonalities to show to my kids, and some days it will be easier than others, but it can simplify things in a way that opens up the world to them. And maybe if that new kid they just met looks different, talks different, or eats different food, they will see past that, and realize we are all just humans. 

I am a mom, a film/tv editor, potato chip lover, and former New England girl turned Southern California resident. Interests include trail running, hiking, snowboarding, and photography. I have two boys who keep me young, and motivated to do well in this world.

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Best Sports and Outdoor Activities for Shy, Introverted Kids

By Caitlin Evans

Living in a society mostly geared towards extroverts can make it hard for introverted children to find their place. They don’t thrive on group activities and the hubbub that most after-school activities offer, so you’ll need to devote a bit of time to find an activity they will love and thoroughly enjoy.

Don’t make the mistake of believing your little introvert can just stay at home and enjoy their own company. Spending time outdoors and engaging in different sports has been proven to be beneficial for children’s’ development, so don’t rob your little one of opportunities.

Here are some of the best activities and sports your child can engage in as an introvert:

Swimming: Swimming is an excellent sport to pursue at any age— it helps promote cardiovascular health, increases stamina, and it’s good for improving strength. It also puts much less strain on joints and muscles than other sports, helping improve flexibility and posture. Swimming can also have a positive impact on your child’s emotional and mental health, so encouraging them to take up a swimming class can be a great choice.

As there is not too much interaction with other participants, and the swimmer can enjoy their own thoughts while in the water, this is an ideal activity for your shy youngsters. On the other hand, they will be exposed to the company of children their own age, so some interaction is inevitable. A great way to boost their self-esteem!

Hiking: Hiking can be an excellent way to spend more time together as a family. You can all venture out into nature together, and enjoy the fresh air and the challenge of a hike together.

While there are some things you need to know when going on a hike with children, the exercise itself is very straightforward: just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you’ll get there. Hiking will benefit your mental and physical health, especially as spending time in nature is a fantastic way to de-stress and recharge your batteries. You can start including other families with children on your walks, which will encourage your introvert to make friends naturally.

Athletics: Any athletic discipline is a great choice for developing children, helping them work on their strength, stamina, speed, and enjoy all the benefits any sport can bring to the table. Choose single-player sports, so your child won’t be pushed to cooperate within a team and overcome their shyness in a forced way. They will have the time to socialize in a smaller and more focused group so that they can overcome barriers more naturally.

Before you choose a discipline, you can encourage your child to try several of them—after all, we can’t really spot a talented high-jumper until they tackle their first jump. This can be a fun way to let your child explore new things without having to deal with the awkwardness of their shyness.

Martial arts: Another wholesome mind-body activity that can teach your children a lot about life, any martial art is an excellent way to keep your child active. And it’s not just about learning the movements and learning how to control their bodies—there is a lot of knowledge, history, and philosophy behind each discipline your child can immerse themselves in.

As with athletics, you can try out several different courses and see which might fit your child best. Even though they might all seem similar, the differences between various martial arts are quite significant. Some will emphasize defense while others will focus on attack, so let your child get to know the sport before you sign them up.

An added benefit is that they will learn to defend themselves, which will inarguably contribute to boosting their self-esteem.

Biking or Boarding: Finally, your child might enjoy taking their bicycle or skateboard out for a spin. They can certainly do this alone, but you can also set up group rides or gently guide them in the direction of meeting other likeminded children. You can take them to skate parks or go on a ride together and meet other families.

Not only will you be providing them with a new means of transportation (thus giving them more freedom), but they can also learn a lot about safety and responsibility through these activities. Of course, make sure you teach them how to ride first and gradually help them fit into the larger world of traffic. And don’t get too fussed over the occasional scraped knee or arm—it’s all part of the process.

Encouraging your children to spend more time outdoors and move their bodies is getting increasingly important in this age of screens and digital everything. While our generation was once often left to our own devices with a ball or a jumping rope, our children are not as lucky. Introduce your child to a sport or activity that doesn’t force them to interact with others when they don’t feel like it, but that still allows for making plenty of friends, and watch as they take the next step on their path to adulthood.

Caitlin is a mom of one awesome little girl and a passionate blogger. When she is not trying to find the meaning of life and the Universe, Caitlin is writing about various topics. To see what Caitlin is up to next, check out her Twitter dashboard.

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14 Secrets to Being a Happy Parent

by Leah R. Singer

If you’re looking to find the secret to stressing less and enjoying parenting more—guess what? There’s a way to make it happen. Yup, we all know that parenting is both the most rewarding and most difficult job you’ll ever have, and you probably had a few expectations at the start—expectations that should be abandoned early on in the game. Why? Because letting your kids become who they’re meant to be is one of the best (and easiest) ways to enjoy being a parent. Keep reading to see our other favorite tips to becoming a happy parent below.

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1. Resist the urge to compare your kid to anyone else's.
Every parent wants the best for their child and that often means worrying about whether they're kids are meeting milestones or behaving like everyone else. This type of "keeping up with the Joneses" does more harm than its worth, and most ultimately takes away the joy of raising your littles. At the end of the day, raise your family in your own unique style, and don't worry about the rest.

2. Give up your job of being the event planner.
Parenting involves wearing many hats, but being the coordinator of all things fun does not have to be one of them. While we all want to provide fun and learning experiences for our children, that doesn't mean we have to spend all day driving them around to keep them happy. By all means, make those play date plans! But revel in the downtime, days at home and "boredom," too.

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3. Realize your kid may not be a total bookworm.
A good way to handle the fact that your kid isn't the voracious reader you are is to stop pushing. The more you push, the more it'll feel like punishment. Then, take the time to figure out what type of reading he likes: graphic novels, magazines, non-fiction, etc.

4. Accept that your kid may not want as many friends as you do.
It's tough when you're an outgoing extrovert, and your little one is quiet and prefers alone time. According to several experts, extroverted parents need to understand that their child may not be the center of attention all the time, and instead, they should nurture their kid's introverted temperament. If this means keeping the social calendar unbooked for a few weekends, so be it.

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5. Give up the idea that your preschooler won't make a mess.
How many times have you finished cleaning the kitchen and your kid immediately spills something? Or how about when she spreads her craft supplies over your table for days on end? Face it, clutter and kids are synonymous, and studies show that being messy inspires creativity, so it's probably better to relax on this one and not to expect kids to be neat freaks.

6. Don't get offended that your home cooking may not impress your kids.
Surrender the expectation that your little one will happily eat all your meals. Dina Rose, PhD and author of IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BROCCOLI:  Three Habits to Teach Your Kids for a Lifetime of Healthy Eating says, "In a family, everyone has to learn how to “handle” a clunker. Your yuck is someone’s yum. The pickier the child, the harder this lesson is to learn, but it’s no less important. Letting children choose not to eat (and experiencing the hunger that follows) is important, not just because it teaches the consequences of not eating, but because it is empowering and respectful.”

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7. Be OK if your kid is not the star athlete you envisioned.
If you were you one of those kids who played soccer, softball and loved P.E., you may have expected your child would be the same. But not every kid (or adult) is athletically inclined. According to Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, rather than pushing kids to be better than everyone else, a good solution is to focus on helping them become the best versions of themselves, instead.

8. Realize that teaching gratitude is a marathon, not a sprint.
According to The Center for Parenting Education, kids don't automatically know the difference between the things they truly need and the things they would like but can survive without. And, even if you are doing it all right (not over-indulging, providing appropriate consequences, etc.), there's still going to be times when they slip up. Take it in stride and look for the next opportunity to instill gratitude.

 

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9. Be ready for the time comes when your kid won't wear the outfit (or costume) you pick out.
Some parents have kids who will gladly wear any outfit you pick out. But there are others who have their own idea about what they want to wear. If you have one of those kids on your hand, the clothing expectation war is not one you want to fight. Besides, letting them choose their own clothing or costume is a great way to build self-esteem!

10. Don't worry if your kid doesn't need alone time to decompress like you might.
If you're an introvert, you know that things turn very unpleasant if you don't get some quiet "me time." So it's natural to assume your offspring are the same. But if you have little extroverts, alone time is not always what they need. In fact, those extroverts may start going a bit crazy if they don't have interaction. So check your mandatory alone-time expectation at the door.

11. Your kids' rooms may not be spotless––and that's OK.
You may be a neat freak and a believer in the "everything in its place" mantra, but that doesn't mean your kid feels the same way. To keep yourself sane, it's probably best to surrender the fantasy that your kids will live a neat and tidy life. If it's really important to you, focus your expectations on one area, such as having a made bed every day.

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12. Don't be surprised when your kid tells a lie.
It doesn't matter how many times you've told them about Pinocchio's growing nose, the reality is every kid is going to lie. Instead of expecting your kiddo will always be honest, talk about the importance of telling the truth.

13. Accept that your kid may not want to eat the food you give them. 
Whether you have a six-year-old picky eater or an infant who struggles with breast or bottle-feeding, kids don't always choose the foods we want to give them. The best way to deal with this is to let go of your expectations about what foods to eat, and focus on the larger goal of eating and being fed.

14. Be prepared that your second child may not be like your first one.
Some parents are often surprised that their second child is completely different from the first one, and what worked for baby number one will not work for number two. Like all people, kids and babies have different personalities. No two are alike. It's best to realize you may need a completely different approach to solving problems from one child to the next. Change your expectations to match the kiddos you have.

—Leah R. Singer & Karly Wood

 

RELATED STORIES:

This Is What Happened When I Let Go of All My Expectations about Being a Mom

Tess Holliday Posts Moving Instagram about Unrealistic Expectations on New Moms

Are Your Expectations the Biggest Source of Your Family’s Stress?

Feature image: Brittany Simuangco via Unsplash

 

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The Advantages of Having Siblings (from Someone Who Didn’t Have Any)

By Dee Cardo

Photo: Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

Spoiled. Bratty. Entitled. Introvert. Know-it-all. Lonely. I’m sure you can think of many more traits attributed to an only child like me and many of these traits are kind of negative. So, as an only child who grew up in the late 80s early 90s, I’m here to tell you, I’m perfectly fine and did not “suffer” from being an only child. In fact, I never recall wishing for a sibling at all.

I loved being part of the Three Musketeers—my mom, and dad and me, I enjoyed the attention and not having to squabble over sharing my things, I enjoyed being solitary (never lonely). There were a bunch of kids in my neighborhood and we played outside together and I have my best friend who I’ve known since she was born (our families were friends. I like to think I didn’t miss out by not having a sibling, but, honestly, I’ll never know. 

Now, I am a mom of one brilliant little girl and I have another little munchkin on the way and I am extremely anxious about parenting two kids. I witnessed my friends with siblings growing up and arguing, I watched them lean on each other for support, I watched them rat each other out to their parents, I watched them defend each other fiercely.

Fortunately, with my, line of work I have been able to stay home with her and it has been great and exhausting all at once. And, through the mom friends I’ve made, I am beginning to see all the plus side to having siblings:

     1. Friends for life. Your kiddos will be guaranteed a partner in crime, even if they are not very close, they will share the same experience by living in the same house with the same crazy parents and they’ll be able to bond over that and hopefully champion each other through some rough patches. They will also, inevitably play with each other since kids constantly seek companionship and playmates—that means I get a break from playing barbies and tea parties. Yay!

     2. Learning from each other. I see it already with our first one, and the second hasn’t even been born yet. She constantly tells me things she wants to teach her little brother and it’s incredibly sweet to watch her develop that sense of responsibility. And the baby will want to copy everything his big sister does, so surely it will get him moving and talking and learning much faster in general.

     3. Science says it’s a good thing. Having a sibling improves your health in more ways than one. New studies come out every day, but these are ones I’m going to hang my hat on. Siblings can improve physical health, mental health, and happiness. As I understand it, living with someone, especially an irrational, loud, clumsy, bossy little person can drive you crazy more often than not. But, learning to live with them definitely “builds character.”

Now, I haven’t even started on the journey of parenting siblings and I still have no real idea what to expect, but I’m definitely on board for the sibling love (and rivalry), but please check back in a couple of years to make sure I’m surviving!  

I'm a soon-to-be mom of two and I have been writing personally and informally for many years! This year, I decided that I wanted to add freelance writer to my repertoire, so here I am! Hope you enjoy my articles and I'm excited to connect with you all. 

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7 Tricks to Stay Focused When Working from Home

By Lauren Rothlisberger

Photo: iStock

 

Our current work culture where “everyone is available all the time” is causing exhaustion across the workforce. But there is an added layer of difficulty for parents that are, on top of work requirements, always feeling the pull of the biggest job of all, parenting. One “solution” that people turn to is working from home. And it is true, there are some very real and good advantages to that, but anyone that works from home will also tell you, it is kind of a circus.

Remember the Margo and James incident? A lot of people working at home are seeking more balance, but let’s get something straight, this is not the magic solution. I have been a work at home parent for over 12 years and some days I just wish I went to an office. After experiencing weaving work into my day with babies, toddlers, and teens, I can confirm one of the biggest challenges is that your landscape is constantly changing. You have to reassess your work structure all the time. What happens when that toddler gives up their second nap? Or how do you restructure your day to help with homework after school and still take work calls?

It is important to acknowledge that there are different types of work at home jobs there are people that are working their job remotely but still with a very typical daily structure. These tips are most relevant for people who have full control over their work schedules and weave their work and home timelines together a bit more.

  1. Establish “Do Not Disturb” Time: At the beginning of every week take the time to build out your week. This establishes “do not disturb” time or hours that are protected (by you) for work. What you will find when you work at home and have kids, is that almost no two weeks are the same. There is always some wild card item (doc appt., meeting, school event) that changes the landscape of your week. If you know you need to work 20 hours this week then look at the next 5 days, mark off the time you know you can NOT work, now schedule in your working blocks. And most important of all, protect them.
  2. Frame Your Week: If there are items in your work that are repeated often or consistent habits you want to build, then create a framework for that in the week. For example, I send out a weekly newsletter with three interesting items (articles, podcasts, videos, etc) and a couple of my own comments on each. I send it out every Thursday. In order to do this, I keep an excel spreadsheet that I use to track all the content I have read, listened to, or watched. I put a few notes in there and it becomes my brain dump. Then when Thursday rolls around I just compile this info, edit it and push it out. I have a personal challenge to not miss a week unless it is scheduled in advance. The longer I go with this “no week off” the more momentum I feel behind it.
  3. Determine the Best Time for Tasks: Not all work is created equal. There is certain work you do that is more impactful while other items are just tasks that need to be accomplished, but don’t hold as much weight. There is work you will do that will pull on your mind and focus more than other work. Depending on your personal bio-rhythm and your current parenting circumstances you need to determine when you are at your best. This is one of the advantages of working from home. You can design your day to take advantage of your strongest times. Personally, I have trained myself to become an early riser. Anything that requires focus and thought (writing, designing) I tackle early in the day. As the day goes on I grow more tired and more easily distracted. I try and schedule phone calls for the afternoon when I hit a lull in the day. I am an extrovert with a strong introvert streak, I do gain energy from others, so when I need energy it is good for me to connect with other people.
  4. Do Not Multitask But Layer Appropriately: One of the biggest lies we are told is that women are better multitaskers. I think this label came from our seemingly inherent ability to hear a baby crying in the other room, while on the phone, and making dinner. In fact, to me, this “feature” can be more overwhelming. I have trouble shutting out the world around me because my brain seems to engage in everything regardless of whether I want to or not. When you sit down to accomplish focused work do NOT try and multitask. Focus on one thing at a time. It is hard, you sit down to write and all the sudden you need to check or email or pay your cell phone bill. Those are distractions. While I don’t like multi-tasking, I am a fan layering time. Use the time that you are spending doing mindless work (dishes, folding, driving) to study. There is certainly always room for continuing education, use this time to try and feed your mind with things like audiobooks or podcasts.
  5. Get Help: If you have young kids at home you might feel guilty asking someone to come into your house to help with the kids. Especially if you are not financially contributing a lot, you may feel like it is not fair to spend money having someone else help with the kids. Don’t fight this, if it is at all possible schedule some time when you can fully focus on your work. You will get 10 times more done when you are working within these constraints. Work tends to expand to the amount of time we give it. Hiring someone to help you with enforcing some time-blocking. It will also allow you to shift your attention fully to your kids after those hours.
  6. Turn Off Notifications: There are many, many articles written about how distracted we have become. If you are on a limited timeline working from home, you can not afford to react to every notification you get. You can turn on “do not disturb” mode on your computer and devices. If you are like me and worried you will miss an important call from your kid’s school or your spouse you can set it up where those are the only numbers that get through. In addition, turn off all the notifications that pop up on your phone from Facebook, Instagram, and email.
  7. Leave the Dishes: Do not underestimate this piece of advice. This is one of the biggest issues with working from home. There are always chores that need to be done. It is true that working at your house allows you to do a few things that you couldn’t do during the day (like throw in that load of laundry), but if you need to have your house in a perfect state you are never going to get anything done. The thing is, those dishes will still be there when your tasks for the day are complete.

These seven points of advice are much easier said than done. I constantly fight hard to follow these rules. As soon as I wrote the work laundry I remembered I need to put a load in and almost got up to do so. Fight against the distraction, if you are really focused for a short period of time, you will accomplish just as much (if not more) then spending three times as long but jumping between tasks.

Lauren Rothlisberger
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Hi, I am Lauren Rothlisberger from the dailycurator.co.  I work at home with four kids and I am a military spouse. I am determined to integrate family, work into a well thought out day. I don’t believe in the validation of being busy, but instead the fulfillment in spending time purposefully and usefully. 
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10 Ways to Deal with an Extrovert Child When You Are a Total Introvert

by Leah R. Singer

Parenting is equal parts rewarding and challenging. And, when you’re an introvert with an outgoing, extroverted child, it can be especially challenging. The good news is there are lots of ways to step up to the parenting plate for your boisterous kid, even if your inclination is to enjoy quiet time or be alone. Scroll down to find 10 tips and tricks that’ll help you deal with an extrovert child (that don’t include hiding in the closet) each day.

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1. Find playgroups and classes. This is a great way to ensure your little extrovert gets the external stimulation she craves, while you are not burdened with providing it. Even if you stay at the class, find a comfy chair and bring a book to read while your little one interacts with kids.

2. Call for reinforcements (especially from fellow extroverts). It's okay to ask for help, especially assistance from an extroverted relative or a babysitter. If grandma is an extrovert, she'd love nothing more than to spend quality time with her equally extroverted grandchild.

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3. Explain that you need quiet time. Tell your little one that mommy needs some quiet time so her brain can recharge. Making your extrovert entertain himself for a set period of time will actually help him develop necessary skills as life goes on. Remember that you'll be a better parent if your needs are met too.

4. Plan time for quality interaction. It's overwhelming for an introvert to think about playing non-stop. Planning blocks of time for that interaction makes the task seem a bit more doable. Commit to spending one hour in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon having a pretend tea party, playing a board game, or going for a walk. This gives your little extrovert quality togetherness while giving your introvert brain a plan and an end time.

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5. Beat extrovert boredom with engaging activities. An introvert may have no trouble beating boredom with a book or solo activity. But an extrovert? Not so much! So the next time your extrovert kiddo says she has nothing to do, encourage her to put on a living room performance or create a puppet show for the family.

6. Open play spaces are your friend. Parks, indoor play spaces and open play times are a very helpful tool for introvert parents raising extrovert kids. Your kiddo will love interacting with other kids and the stimulation that comes with those venues. This allows you to sit back and observe rather than being an active participant.

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7. Befriend another introvert parent. Finding a fellow introvert will give you the chance to talk about your parenting struggles with someone who feels the same way. You can also help each other take turns watching the kids while giving the other some recharge time.

8. Look for activities that encourage drama. Sometimes the nature of being an extrovert lends itself to being a bit on the dramatic side. After all, expressing emotions outwardly is part of the external stimulation. Find a way to channel the emotion by enrolling in drama, music or singing classes.

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9. When it comes to homework, find the right learning tools. Because extroverts are energized by their external surroundings, many learn best from talking aloud or experiential learning. If that describes your extroverted student, look for songs she can listen to that reinforce addition and subtraction facts, or have her tell you about the activity she's learning.

10. Don't feel guilty. This is probably the toughest thing to do. But know that it's okay to feel like you don't want to interact with your kid. You're not a bad parent. You're just an introvert that needs some alone time.

— Leah R. Singer

 

RELATED STORIES: 

An Introvert Mom Raises an Extrovert Kid

The One Tip That Helped My Introvert Kid

7 Ways to Help Your Introverted Child in an Extroverted World

Feature image courtesy Unsplash

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10 Things You Can Do to Help an Introverted Child Thrive

by Leah R. Singer

If you’re an introvert, you know first-hand that there are certain things you crave, solitude being one of them. But as parents, we want to help our kids get the most out of life and not be limited by their personality. If you have an introvert kid who struggles with speaking up in social situations or has a constant need for solitude, here are 10 things you can do to help him succeed.

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1. Help her know how to leave a social setting when it gets to be too much. Come up with a simple hand signal that you and your kid can use when you're at a playdate or party. This mom and her introvert son use a "v" or peace sign to indicate when he needed to escape the over stimulation.

2. Avoid over-scheduling your young introvert. These days, it's easy to look at your calendar and realize that between Scout meetings, dance lessons, soccer practice, piano rehearsal and school, there's no downtime left in the schedule. While an outgoing extrovert kid may think this is the perfect week, this schedule will cause a lot of discomfort for an introvert child.

Pan Xiaozhen via Unsplash

3. Advocate for your kid in the classroom. According to experts, it's important for parents to embrace what it means to be an introvert and to devise systems that work for these personality types. For example, telling him "just raise your hand and talk" is not an effective motivator for an introvert, encouraging him to write out his questions or what he wants to say ahead of time on an index card might be. 

4. Don't force an introvert to do extroverted things like hug people. Grandma may think there's nothing wrong with hugging her granddaughter every time she greets her. But if that little girl is an introvert who is not comfortable with physical affection, that innocent gesture may cause her quite a bit of anxiety. Instead, let your introvert how they want to show affection and let grandma know ahead of time.

James Kim via Flickr

5. Gradually expose your kid to new situations and people if they are hesitant. Your introvert may shy away from going to new places or meeting new kids because those social situations cause anxiety. The key to helping your introvert child thrive is not thrusting them into a brand new venue, but gradually bringing them into it. You don't want your kid to opt out completely, but let her navigate at her own pace.

6. Don't treat your introvert's preference for alone time as if she's emotionally distressed. Many parents worry about their child's need for solitude or his desire to spend time behind the bedroom door means they are sad or signs of depression. But for an introvert, that alone time is recharging and bring them comfort.

Public Domain Pictures via Pixaby

7. Let her recharge inside, and don't force her outside to play. "Go outside and play" is a statement you've probably uttered more than once. While it's great advice for some kids, it may not be the right instructions for an introvert child. Introverts get energy internally and may have no desire to go outside and play tag with the neighborhood kids. So, when it comes to playtime, make sure your young introvert has an indoor option.

8. Teach him how to express his feelings. If you have an introvert who has trouble expressing sadness or anger, give her the tools to share her feelings without forcing her to talk everything through. For example, encourage your kid to write in a journal or pen a letter to you. If he or she is too young to write, have your child draw his or her feelings. Another idea—reenact tough situations with stuffed animals.

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9. Get to birthday parties early. For an introvert, stepping into a crowded room of loud people can be very overwhelming. To avoid the feeling of wanting to exit the party immediately, arrive at the festivities early so your kiddo can get comfortable in her environment and perhaps find one friend she can begin talking to before more people arrive.

10. Don't shy away from sports activities; find the right match for your introvert. Just because your child is an introvert does not mean he wants to spend all his time indoors and reading. He may very well like sports or activities, but is not inclined toward team or group recreation. If that's your child, look for activities that are more suited toward individual participation. Sports such as track/running or golf may be where your kiddo thrives.

— Leah R. Singer

Featured image: Laura Fuhrman via Unsplash

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10 Things an Introvert Parent Can Learn from Their Extrovert Kid

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4 Tips for Raising an Introvert

An Introvert Mom Raises an Extrovert Kid

No F-Bombs Here: 10 Ways Being an Introvert Makes Parenting a Little Easier

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10 Encouraging Things Every Mom Needs to Hear

by Amber Guetebier

Confession: mom life isn’t all snuggles and glamour-trips to the grocery store (as if!). Sometimes, we struggle. We question our choices, we make mistakes and we occasionally cry in the shower. But you know what gets us back up again? Well, our kids (looking for a snack) but also the community of moms that surround us. From our own mamas to our best-mom friends to our best friend’s mom, sometimes a few words of encouragement is all it takes. We asked our Red Tricycle staff of mamas what verbal high-fives they’ve had lately, and what they want other moms to know. Read on for their heartwarming answers.

photo: CarinaChen via pixabay

1. You are raising good people.

When people compliment my children by saying things like, “Rain is such a good person,” or “Jude is so compassionate,” it means the world to me. Knowing that my kids are becoming good human beings tells me I am on the right track as their mother…and that maybe I’m a pretty ok human too.

—Annette Benedetti, Portland City Editor

2.You were a good kid (and you are a good parent now).

Lately, my mom has been saying this to me often: “Thanks for being such a great kid growing up.” I’m 30-something now, but when she says that I melt. It makes me think of things that I did as a kid that may have made her feel so reflective and proud. It’s something so simple, yet pretty profound; I’ll be telling my own kids the same thing when they grow up.

—Ayren Jackson-Cannady, D.C. City Editor

photo: skeeze via pixabay

3. Your child is a delight.

As a single parent, I don’t get much validation from other people, so when it happens it really means a lot to me. Charlie did a great job sitting through a two-hour Passover seder last month and a total stranger was seated next to her. After the meal, the woman said, “Your daughter is delightful. You’re doing a wonderful job with her.”

—Sara Olsher, Marketing Director

4. You are actually totally cool.

Just a couple of days ago, my daughter was telling me a story from a book she’s reading, where the dad says to his daughter, “I’m secretly cool.” And Molly asked me why he said that. I said all parents know our kids roll their eyes at us and think we’re a little lame, but we all think we’re secretly cool. And Molly said, “Mommy, I don’t think you’re secretly cool. I think you’re really cool!” And that made my insecure little mom heart grow three sizes, with happiness and relief that my pre-tweens don’t totally reject me. Yet.

—Meghan Rose, L.A. Editor

photo: Andretti via pixabay

5. You are loved. Truly.

My boys are getting older, 10 & 8, and I often feel like I’m just the lunch maker, carpool driver, clothes washer and homework nagger. However, Blake, my 8-year-old, tells me at least once a day, “I love you Mom.” He never says it when I’m doing something for him… it’s usually when I’m sitting at my computer working or watching TV. And EVERY time, those four little words melt my heart and make all of my mom insecurities go away. I know it’s sounds small, but to me it means the world!

—Kristina Moy, Seattle Editor

6. You are not alone.

I always feel so much better when a friend says to me “mine do it too” after I’ve bemoaned a tantrum or an exhausting day of dealing with kids who don’t ever seem to listen. Knowing that my kids aren’t the only ones who get tired or frustrated and act out gives me the confidence to listen, learn and keep trying to figure out this whole parenting act.

—Gabby Cullen, National Editor

photo: TawnyNina via pixabay

7. You’ve given up a lot, and it’s worth it.

I was on the phone the other day with my mother-in-law when she said to me, totally unprompted, that I was really doing a great job as a mom. She told me that she recognized that I’d given up a lot for my family (last year we moved 1500 miles away from all of my friends and family). To be honest, those were words I’d been telling myself (this is great move for your kid!) but it didn’t change the fact that I sometimes felt isolated, lonely and homesick. It wasn’t just that she told me I was a good mom, it was that she acknowledged this emotional sacrifice and it made me feel so much better just knowing that she knew what I was going through. It really brought tears to my eyes.

—Amber Guetebier, Daily Editor

8. You have your whole life to work but your kids are only young for so long. 

My mom always tells me that my children are my greatest investment in life and that my being there for them is the most important work I’ll ever do. It gives me perspective because sometimes it’s super hard to work from home and be a SAHM, but I know there’s nothing else that matters more to me than my relationship with my kids. I also recently heard “you have your whole life to work, but your kids are only young for so long” and it reminds me to really cherish this time with them because it’s so fleeting.

—Beth Shea, Red Tricycle San Diego Editor

photo: Fairyland, Oakland

9. Being different from your kids is okay. 

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daughter, Sophie, is very extroverted and talkative! As an introvert parent and someone is not overly talkative, I struggle with how much I should tell her to keep quiet or not talk so much to other people (especially those she doesn’t know). This past weekend, we were at a neighborhood event and an acquaintance (who is also an introvert) said to me,”Your daughter is so great and funny. I could listen to her all day.” Hearing that made me feel like both Sophie and I are probably doing just fine with our respective personalities!

—Leah Singer, Spoke Contributor

10. Kids are supposed to act like kids (so don’t be embarrassed or stressed when they do). 

I just spent a morning with a seasoned mom of now young adults, and a former teacher. She told me that it’s important to remember that most of the time, our kids are acting like kids are supposed to act, and we shouldn’t be surprised or stressed or embarrassed if they don’t act like a mature adult all of the time. She also told me that she could tell the kids who loved to read and who’d been read to as a child, and that reading to our kids is the best thing we can do as a parent for their school preparation.

—Shelley Massey, Atlanta Editor

What is something that someone—another parent, your own parent or in-laws, your kids or your partner, or even a total stranger—has said to you to make you feel like you are on the right path? Share it with us in a comment below.

 

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School Car Lines That Make Us Go Crazy

By Kristin McCarthy

If your school does the infamous car line pick-up, then you know what I am talking about here. You probably have a real love/hate relationship with car line police. For me mostly it’s hate.

 

Sure the car line has a few perks that should be represented here, before we put it on blast.

For starters, when it is raining or freezing you don’t have to get out of the car to get your child into school or pick them up. Also you don’t have to leave your pajamas to get your kid to and from school. If you are an introvert or antisocial, the car line ensures that you may avoid all human contact should you choose so. I am racking my brain here, but I think that is about it for car line bonuses.

Now on to the cons of the car line.

People start lining up in the car line a good hour before school ends. Do you all not have somewhere to be? So if you want to get your child quickly and get somewhere, you have to put in some serious time sitting in the car line. This isn’t so bad if you have a few apps to mess around with or a good book to read. But if you’re like me with two screaming toddlers, 20 minutes feels like 48 hours of torture.

No one follows the car line rules. You can not back your Suburban up and go out the way you came! You have to sit in this mess along with the rest of us. We are all in this crappy thing together.

Someone always sees you doing something idiotic in the car line.  Talking to yourself, inconspicuously picking your nose, chewing your fingernails or singing at the top of your lungs.  You are so bored in the car line it is darn near impossible not to find yourself engaging in one of these behaviors.

There is about a 10% chance that the car next to you saw whatever it is you did. There is also about a 100% chance that you know them. This makes for some mildly awkward PTA meetings.

 

I recently did the car line math as I was sitting in the parking lot prison waiting for school to let out. I have put five years in already and by the time the twins leave elementary school I will have sat in the car line for 12 YEARS!

Kristin is a blogging SAHM of 4 unruly princesses.  When she is not busy raising humans and vacuuming up toys she can be found at the local Target or hiding in her laundry room where she writes for Red Tricycle, Suburban Misfit Mom and Sammiches and Psych Meds.

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