Thanksgiving is more than eating a big meal, watching football, and gathering with others. Amidst the frenzy of this holiday, it is easy to forget what the holiday is about—being thankful. Here are some ways you can teach your child (and yourself) to be thankful.

Being Thankful Is Good for Us
Thankfulness is about acknowledging the goodness in your life. Research shows that being thankful or grateful is strongly associated with greater happiness, more positive emotions, better health, less worry, and positive relationships.

One important study took three groups of people and gave them each the instruction to write each day for 10 minutes. Group one was to write about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. Group two was to write about irritations that displeased them, while group three was told to just write something. At the end of 10 weeks, the first group was measurably more optimistic, exercised more, had fewer physician visits, and felt better overall.

Research on children and thankfulness has similar outcomes. Being a thankful child improves a child’s physical and mental health and gives them a healthier outlook on life. Kids raised to be thankful at Thanksgiving, can learn to be thankful every day of the year.

Ways to Teach Kids to Be Thankful

  • Teach your child to say “Thank you.” Many kids need increased awareness about when others do something for them. For example, “Wasn’t it nice that Grandma sent you a gift?” or “I noticed that your sister let you go first” and “Did you hear your teacher give you a compliment?” Then your child may need to be prompted to say thank you for all the many things that come their way.
  • Write thank you notes often.
  • Have family thankful projects. One idea is to have a thankful jar where everyone can put in a thankful note throughout the week. At family time, notes can be pulled out and shared.
  • Develop thankful rituals. At dinner, your family can take turns saying what they are thankful for that day. Thankful rituals can also occur at bedtime, on the drive to school, on Saturday morning or whatever fits for your family.
  • Your family can perform acts of kindness. Some families volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank. Others will mow a neighbor’s lawn, make cookies for friends, or call grandparents. Then it is important to notice how it feels to be told “Thank You!”
  • Model being a thankful person yourself.
  • Look for the silver lining. For example, when a soccer game is cancelled, one can be thankful to not stand in the rain, or if one fails a test, at least they had the chance to learn from the test and try again.

This Thanksgiving, take the opportunity to teach your child to be thankful not just on this holiday but throughout the year. We know that being a thankful child and adult leads to better physical and emotional states. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Sally Baird, PhD is a retired child psychologist and co-author of the book Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid’s Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. 

This post originally appeared on www.drsallyb.com.

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation.


 

Anyone, no matter how young, can help make the world a better place through their thoughtful actions. It’s never too early to set a good example for children by modeling simple acts of kindness. When children are encouraged to see things from another’s point of view and be shown how their actions can help uplift others, they often grow up to be more caring, responsible, and compassionate members of a global community. Books can teach children that they don’t have to perform a heroic act to make the world a better place because even the smallest acts of kindness ripple across the world in ways that no one could imagine.

Preschool, Kindergarten, First Grade

Kindness is Cooler, Mrs. Ruler by Margery Cuyler
Mrs. Ruler is an unconventional teacher who decides to teach her unruly students that kindness is cool. Each kindergartner must perform five acts of kindness, and while most of the kids catch on, there is one student who needs a rescue of the class gerbils to get in a last-minute act of kindness. Parents and teachers will appreciate the list of 100 acts of kindness at the back of the book to inspire kids with ways to put kindness into action.

Stick and Stone by Beth Ferry
When Stick rescues Stone from a prickly situation with a Pinecone, the pair becomes fast friends. But when Stick gets stuck, can Stone return the favor?

Written with a warm, rhyming text that includes a subtle anti-bullying message even the youngest reader will understand. New York Times bestselling illustrator Tom Lichtenheld imbues Stick and Stone with energy, emotion, and personality to spare.

Second & Third Grade

The Kindness Quilt by Nancy Elizabeth Wallace
The children in this book are inspired by Aesop’s fable The Lion and the Mouse after their teacher, Mrs. Bloom, reads the story in class. She then instructs each student to perform an act of kindness and present it to the class. Minna cannot choose just one and decides to make a quilt with all of them. Other classmates add theirs to the quilt, and it soon takes over the school. The unique cut-paper illustrations present a variety of ways in which the important lesson of kindness can be shared, and displayed.

Because Amelia Smiled by David Ezra Stein
Amelia smiles as she skips down the street, so her neighbor Mrs. Higgins smiles too, and decides to send a care package of cookies to her grandson Lionel in Mexico. The cookies give Lionel an idea, and his idea inspires a student, who in turn inspires a ballet troupe in England! And so the good feelings that started with Amelia’s smile make their way around the world, from a goodwill recital in Israel to an impromptu rumba concert in Paris, to a long-awaited marriage proposal in Italy, to a knitted scarf for a beloved niece back in New York. Putting a unique spin on “What goes around comes around,” David Ezra Stein’s charmingly illustrated story reminds us that adding even a small dose of kindness into the world is sure to spur more and more kindness, which could eventually make its way back to you!

Fourth & Fifth Grade 

El Deafo by Cece Bell
After a serious illness at the age of four, CeCe discovers that she’s no longer able to hear. Hearing aids and lip-reading involve unexpected challenges, and as she goes out into the wider world she realizes how little people understand what it’s like to live with hearing loss. To succeed in school, she gets a bulky device called a Phonic Ear that allows her to hear her teachers—even when they forget she’s listening. This delightful autobiographical graphic novel provides an uplifting and humorous glimpse into the life of a hard-of-hearing child. A great novel for raising awareness and promoting understanding.

New Kid by Jerry Kraft
A wonderful choice by the 2020 Newberry Award committee as the first graphic novel to win the prestigious award. Seventh-grader Jordan Banks loves nothing more than drawing cartoons about his life. Instead of sending him to the art school of his dreams, his parents enroll him in a prestigious private school known for its academics, where Jordan is one of the few kids of color in his entire grade. As he makes the daily trip from his Washington Heights apartment to the upscale Riverdale Academy Day School, Jordan soon finds himself torn between two worlds. Jordan is not really fitting into either one. This book allows readers to learn about different sides of the tensions that children and adults face every single day, yet have few opportunities to really discuss.

Middle School

Rise Up: Ordinary Kids with Extraordinary Stories by Amanda Li
From surviving a plane crash in the jungle to striking against climate change, you won’t believe the incredible stories of the challenges these brave kids from around the world have overcome! This book features 29 tales of amazing young girls and boys who have achieved the unimaginable. The stories range from triumphing over illness and injury to overcoming bullying. Entries include Sweden’s Greta Thunberg, whose youth climate activism sparked a global movement, and Pakistan’s Ayesha Farooq, who became Pakistan’s first female fighter pilot at age 25. Each section gives advice on how young people can participate in activities similar to the ones in the accompanying biography.

Pay It Forward: Young Readers Edition by Catherine Ryan Hyde
A moving and uplifting novel about Trevor McKinney, a twelve-year-old boy in a small California town who accepts his teacher’s challenge to earn extra credit by coming up with a plan to change the world. Trevor’s idea is simple: do a good deed for three people, and instead of asking them to return the favor, ask them to “pay it forward” to three others who need help. A heart-melting story of a boy who shows how each of us can make a difference. If your family enjoys this book, watch the movie together afterward.

Keira Pride is the Head Librarian at Stratford School, the leading independent private school founded with a vision of creating a unique, multi-dimensional, educational foundation for children. As Stratford's Head Librarian, she manages the library services department across campuses throughout Northern and Southern California. 

At Rollins College, every day is a beautiful day in the neighborhood. That’s because Fred McFeely Rogers, otherwise known as Mister Rogers, is an alum and the school just unveiled a new sculpture to celebrate. “A Beautiful Day for a Neighbor” is a beautiful 360-degree monument to the goodness of Mister Rogers and it’s exactly what the world needs.

To honor Roger’s legacy, the College commissioned renowned British artist Paul Day to create the detailed piece. It stands over seven feet tall and weighs more than 3,000 pounds, with a final cast in bronze. Mister Rogers appears in his iconic sweater and sneakers, holding his Daniel Tiger puppet and surrounded by children.

Courtesy of Tomas Hruza

“This inspirational sculpture will be a permanent reminder of the ideals and values modeled by Mister Rogers as he set out to make the world a better place,” said Rollins President Grant Cornwell. “This tribute will reinforce the quest for empathy, acceptance and kindness so needed in our society today.”

Courtesy of Scott Collins

Rogers transferred to Rollins College from Dartmouth and graduated with distinction in 1951. He majored in music composition and met his wife of over 50 years, Joanne Rogers, on campus. If you decide to make the trip to Rollins to see the impressive sculpture, you can include it in the Mister Rogers Walking Tour that features tributes to his life across campus.

––Sarah Shebek

Featured image courtesy of Scott Cook, Rollins College

 

RELATED STORIES:

3 Beautiful Days in Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood: Exploring the Fred Rogers Trail

Tom Hanks as Mister Rogers Is the Perfect Throwback to Our Childhoods

The 15 Most Important Things We’ve Learned from Mister Rogers

Fans of Clifford The Big Red Dog books rejoice—this lovable pup is coming to the big screen (with extra-large paws, of course). Based on the beloved children’s book series, Clifford’s latest hilarious escapades take place in New York City. When middle-schooler Emily Elizabeth meets a magical animal rescuer, he gifts her a small, red puppy. But overnight, the dog transforms into a giant ten-foot hound—not ideal in a tiny NYC apartment! While her single mom is away for business, Emily Elizabeth and her fun uncle Casey get involved in edge-of-your-seat adventures. Here’s why your family will want to go along for the ride!

See Clifford The Big Red Dog only in theatres and on Paramount + now!

Clifford Teaches Us How to Love—and Dream—Big

Emily Elizabeth wishes for her dog to be big and strong. Poof! That’s actually what he becomes. While your child won’t be able to transform the family pet, this sweet movie reminds us to believe in something bigger than ourselves, because possibilities are endless when you have a big heart. From showing kindness to strangers in the community to being a good friend—Clifford proves there is magic that comes from loving big.

Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone Is Rewarding

Emily Elizabeth sometimes feels like an outsider. But Clifford is so full of love, he makes her feel like she can do anything. Kids will feel inspired by seeing Emily Elizabeth tap into her inner courage to stand up for her dog when a scientist tries to claim him as his own. From trying a new activity to speaking up, being brave and embracing our differences leads to good things!

Dogs Have a Way of Capturing Our Hearts

Kids (and kids at heart) will relate to the unconditional love and loyalty exchanged between a young girl and her dog. Clifford certainly has a way of “growing” on Emily Elizabeth, just like our treasured pets do for us. (If your kids have been begging for a dog… the Clifford movie just may help their case!)

This playful story will delight audiences of all ages with its themes of loyalty, friendship, self-acceptance, and the importance of loving big. Parents will appreciate the movie’s awesome cast including, Darby Camp, Jack Whitehall, Tony Hale, David Alan Grier, Kenan Thompson, Rosie Perez, Paul Rodriguez, Sienna Guillory and John Cleese.

See Clifford The Big Red Dog only in theatres and on Paramount + now!

If your kids love Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and you love 30 Rock, your family has a new must-watch show. Hello, Jack! The Kindness Show is coming to a screen near you on November 5 and features plenty of familiar starpower. Read on for the details!

The new show is from the mind of Angela C. Santomero (Blues Clues and Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood) and Jack McBrayer, best known as Kenneth from 30 Rock. It premieres on November 5 and invites preschoolers into a world where acts of kindness can be life-changing. As a bonus, it features original songs from Grammy Award-winning band OK Go.

The live action series is a bit reminiscent of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, with some animated twists. McBrayer and Santomero co-created and executive produced the show, which focuses on “The Three C’s.” You’ll have to watch to get all the details, but it will involve lots of humor and play!

On November 5, the first episode drops on Apple TV+. Will it be as good as Blues Clues or Daniel Tiger? Only time will tell!

––Sarah Shebek

Featured image courtesy of Apple TV

 

RELATED STORIES

When Does “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” Halloween Special Air?

Looking for a fun and easy way to teach your kids about kindness? Consider joining the Kindness Rocks Project. This creative project has artists of all ages spreading happy thoughts by way of painted rocks. The idea is simple—paint something inspiring or cheerful on a rock and leave it for someone else to find. Don’t know where to start? Read on!

What It Is

Pixabay

What's a rock got to do with kindness? Plenty, according to Megan Murphy, the Massachusetts woman who accidentally started the Kindness Rocks movement when she scribbled a few inspiring words on a rock and left it on a Cape Cod beach. Her Kindness Rocks Project has since gained worldwide attention, with inspirational, hash-tagged rocks popping up in at least seven countries and garnering millions of views on social media.

"The project isn’t about rocks per se, it’s about connection," Murphy said. "People find a rock, and they relate to the message on the rock. Then they connect with the fact that there is a human being on the other end of that rock, and they don't feel so alone." It can be as simple as scrawling "Hope" on a stone and tossing it on the sidewalk on your way to work, or as complex as painting an entire rock with Van Gogh's "Starry Night" and leaving your masterpiece up for grabs.

 

How It Works

Third Serving via Unsplash

First, you should join a local rock-painting group. A quick Google or Facebook search of "kindness rocks" and your hometown will probably turn up something. If not, rev up the bandwagon and rock it on your own, like this altruistic seven-year-old from San Francisco.

Here's What You'll Need

Amazon

- Smooth rocks (you can scavenge outside for them or you can find a whole bag at Home Depot or on Amazon)

- Acrylic paint

- Paintbrushes

- Fine point paint pens (optional, but makes writing words way easier)

- clear spray-on sealer like Krylon for sealing rocks (parents should do this)

Step One: Prep Your Rock

Melissa Heckscher

Since rocks are porous, it's best to lay down a layer of paint to act as a primer and backdrop for your finished masterpiece. There's no need to paint the bottom of the rock (that just makes it harder to handle as it's drying.).

Step Two: Write Something (or Paint a Picture)

Melissa Heckscher

When the primer coat is completely dry, let your littles use a paint pen to write something on their rock. To help them come up with something, try asking them simple questions about kindness: What is kindness? What is a 'kind' thing to say? What message would make you happy to see on a rock? What could you hear someone else say that would make you feel special?

And, don't feel bound by words; painting cute or happy pictures works, too (Smiley faces and rainbows, anyone?)!

Step Three: Hashtag It! 

Melissa Heckscher

Write a hashtag on your rock to help whoever finds it realize that they can share it with the world. Our favorite is #thekindnessrocksproject, but there are gobs of smaller groups out there for those who want to keep it local. Don't forget to check your social media channels to see if someone shared your rock! 

 

Step Four: Seal It

Melissa Heckscher

Once your rock is dry, spread a layer of Mod Podge over it. This will keep the paint from chipping and will seal it against water. (Plus it will make your rock look shiny and awesome.)

Step Five: Leave Your Rock Somewhere to Be Found

iStock

Let your kids scatter their well-wishes around your neighborhood, in a park, or on the sidewalk on their way to school—basically, anywhere the rocks can be found by someone else!

Tip: Don't hide your rock so well that it can't be easily found—and don't put it on private property where passersby will think it belongs to someone. 

 

— Melissa Heckscher

 

RELATED STORIES:

Why Kindness Is So Important for Kids

5 Easy Activities to Promote Kindness at Home

Kindness Is Our Superpower

We all want happy, healthy, confident kids and study after study suggests that fostering kindness in your kiddos can help boost their oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, all key biological players in happiness, wellness, and self-esteem. We know that kindness can be taught and empathy increased through modeling these behaviors for our kids. I’ve learned that letting my kids see me be an active community helper increases their desire to also pitch in and help others, but I wanted to grow my children’s understanding of people’s needs beyond random acts of kindness. Here are three more ways I’ve adopted to increase my kiddos’ kindness factor.

1. We Ditched the Word Nice

Meghan Yudes Meyers

When my kids were itty bitty, I used to talk about being “nice” 24/7. Raising sensitive, caring human beings was of the utmost importance to me. But I realized early on I was using the wrong words. 

“Ouch. Biting hurts. Biting is not nice.”

“It’s not nice to take toys. Your sister was still playing with that!”

“Be NICE to your brother. Hitting is not nice.”

Those statements are all true. Biting and hitting are not pleasant. And neither is someone snatching your favorite stuffie. But “nice” isn’t what I meant. KIND is. I had an a-ha moment when my kids were about four. I was sharing a story with my twins' then-teacher about one of my kiddos going above and beyond and really being well, nice, when she addressed this particular child and said, “Wow, that was SO kind of you.” 

I was instantly struck that she did not use my words. And I thought, wow, she’s right. I mean KIND. I ditched the word nice as my go-to descriptor from that day forward. Of course, my kids probably didn’t recognize these nuances when I first made the shift. But at seven, they can now tell the difference. For instance, my son came home the other day upset and complaining that his very favorite classmate wasn’t nice to him that day. I immediately empathized with him and asked him what went wrong, He wailed, “She had to pick a partner. And she didn’t pick me!”

To add salt to the wound, his twin sister was picked. 

As the story unfolded, I learned that this little girl had to choose her partner. Certainly an awkward and daunting task for a first grader! She had apparently made her choice by the child-equivalent to a coin toss, but my son wasn’t happy with the results. He whined, “It just wasn’t nice! She’s not nice!” 

I explained to him that not getting picked isn’t nice (or pleasant) at all! I also explained to him that having to choose a partner, knowing others might get hurt might not have been a nice process for his little friend, either. But, in the end, this child choose to make it as fair as possible, and that was kind.

Nice is a pretty basic word. Rainbows are nice. Unicorns are nice. Nice describes something that is pleasant. Something that, hopefully, leaves feel good vibes. But kindness is complex. Kindness takes so many shapes and, as the example above demonstrates, kindness doesn’t always look nice. Not only have we scratched nice from our vocabulary (or the most part), but my husband and I try to qualify acts of kindness whenever possible. We articulate exactly how an act is kind so our kids know it when they see it

2. We Are Active Observers

iStock

Studies suggest that merely observing kindness can boost our mood (and increase our empathy) as we take stock of the goodness that surrounds us. We practice being grateful by reviewing our day as a family. Who made our day better by some small act? Who shared with us? Said an uplifting word? Who included us?

We also flex our observation muscle when we watch TV or read a book. I was a bit of a Sesame Street junkie as a child. Bert and Ernie were my favorite duo, so much so that I invented my own imaginary friend, Bernie. While I was learning my ABCs and how to count with the Count, I was also absorbing very important lessons on empathy and kindness with the original emotional IQ educators. 

Most shows don’t unpack someone’s feelings quite like Bert & Ernie do (or my personal imaginary helper, Bernie did). Because most media does not guide kids on their quest to be empathetic, I channel Bernie and try to vocalize what we are watching on TV. Thank goodness for on-demand shows with pause capabilities in this day and age! When someone is offering a helping hand or lifting their friend up through words, we hit pause to discuss how those actions might affect the recipient. We also stop shows to discuss overtly mean, rude or unkind behavior. 

We do the same thing with the books we read. Recently, we were reading the delightful (and hilarious) new book, I Am Not a Dog Toy by Ethan T. Berlin. The little girl in this book is extremely unkind to her new toy who simply longs to be her new favorite friend. She makes rude comments about the toys appearance, ignores the toy's plea for a playmate and even shoves the toy. This book was a great leaping off point for us, as a family, to discuss how it is important to be kind to ourselves, too. And that tolerating bully-like behavior like the girl in this book exhibits isn't respecting our own boundaries. 

3. We Start with Ourselves

A toddler stretches out on the floor to draw using school supplies
iStock

I've read that children who are self-compassionate are more likely to empathize with others. It makes sense; when our kids are able to identify their feelings, work through their emotions and lift themselves up they can lean on some (or all) of those skills when they see a friend in need. 

Recently, we've were working through one of life's toughest emotions: Anger. I bought a kid-friendly workbook that had us do silly things like name our anger, draw a picture of what our anger might look like and, most importantly, identify what anger feels like when it starts to bubble up. The book helped take some of the scariness out of anger, after all it is a feeling we all experience from time to time. But both my kids were struggling with how to wrestle with this beast of an emotion when it came flooding into their little bodies. The book helped my kids identify some ways they could self-regulate when they were feeling angry, like take a walk or draw a picture. 

After we finished the book, I noticed both of my kids were much more self-aware when it came to their anger. They haven't quite reached a place where taking a walk to calm down is automatic, but they are able to say how they could possibly have reacted differently. But the unexpected reward from this little exercise was their newfound awareness (and empathy) towards others experiencing anger. 

Shortly after finishing the book, a classmate of theirs was, according to my kids, very (very!) angry. In the past, I'm confident my kids saw another person AS the angry monster (and not a person simply struggling with an emotion). But being able to simply identify that their classmate was experiencing anger and even taking a stab at what caused this child to become upset in the first place made the situation approachable to both of them. I'm not sure if suggesting to their classmate that they should draw a picture really helped?! But their ability to put themselves in their classmates shoe's is a happy step towards being two kinder kids. 

—Meghan Yudes Meyers

feature image via iStock

 

 

 

Photo: iStock

As children grow in the world, they start to slowly look out, and realize that there are other people besides themselves. As the selfish toddler years subside, you can slowly see children start to share, to worry over other’s pains and to think about what people around them would want or need. As a parent, teacher, or guardian, you want to help usher them into being compassionate people. You try to instil some values, some insights, and some moral understanding; but you are also just hoping for the best. Things like TV, school, other children and external stresses can set the wrong example for kids or lead them in a direction you’d rather help them turn from.

Chris Parson’s book, “A Little Spark” helps us realize the kind of resources we have on our side. The story follows the adventures of a little mouse (Spark), and through his diverse trials and tribulations, he learns the importance of believing in himself, not judging others without knowing where they’re coming from, the value of friendship and the essential nature of forgiveness.

It is this cast of lively characters that can help further your discussions of empathy with the children in your life. Telling a child about the importance of sharing is one thing, but it is far more effective to illustrate this lesson through engaging storytelling. This is what “A Little Spark” is all about. The compelling story, hilarious, warm-hearted, or challenging characters and relatable scenarios make the book a great jumping-off point for framing talking points with your young listeners.

In fact, the book is great for entertainment and instruction between parents and children, but it’s actually suited for a lot more than that. Parsons’ vision for the future of his book is to see it used in classrooms and reading groups, to help foster conversations with children about topics of interest and worked with a first-grade class in Texas, in order to explore the applications of the book and its themes. He goes on to explain a little about their experience, “The teacher read the book, and the students listened to the music and discussed the lessons—the teacher, parents, and the kids loved it. Our goal moving forward is to develop a “Be That Spark” program for schools/caregivers focused on helping develop positive character traits in kids.”

How to Discuss Empathy with Children
If you would like to use the book as a way to broach the topic of empathy with your kids, there are some strategies to keep in mind. Try taking a situation from the book and asking how your child would have acted. Or choose a scenario from the book and apply it to the child’s life: how would the child deal with someone who needed help or could benefit from sharing? Ask the child to explain the character’s motivations for being sympathetic or empathetic. And you can also discuss what the word means to you and to them.

During the Discussion, Identify & Reflect on People’s Empathy
Children gain a better understanding of a topic by identifying an action of someone they know during a discussion. While teaching them about empathy, show them an act of kindness and selflessness performed by someone they had seen before, emphasizing both the immediate and long-term benefits of such activity. Furthermore, by appreciating such acts of empathy, the children learn to accept and imbibe the virtue quite easily.

Ask Them to Describe How They Feel When They Show Kindness to Their Friends
Discussing empathy with children should begin with obtaining their understanding of acts of kindness demonstrated between them and their peers. This should be accomplished through the use of subtle questions designed to elicit their natural perspective on empathy. You can ask them how they feel if a classmate is having lunch and has enough of it to spare but refuses to share it with another classmate who has nothing. Make them understand that even the smallest act of kindness, if shown to the classmate without lunch, can go a long way towards relieving his or her hunger and ensuring he/she feels the company of his/her classmates. In a variety of other situations, the emphasis should be on the fact that it is humane to show empathy.

Being aware of and caring about the feelings of others is a quality that everyone should strive for, and it is best instilled in children. Making them aware of this feeling and demonstrating it necessitates a thoughtful discussion. The focus of all discussions with the children should be on identifying the attributes of empathy as it manifests itself in the various situations brought to the children’s attention.

Chris Parsons grew up in Flatrock, Newfoundland. After many years of telling his stories, he published his first book "A Little Spark" in October 2020. The book is a fully illustrated chapter book - complete with a Soundtrack and Audiobook. The book recently received the Mom's Choice Gold Medal. He resides in Dallas.

When peer conflicts erupt at school, many parents struggle with how to respond and wonder what they can do to help. For some kids, school anxiety isn’t just about being away from home and learning new routines. Social anxiety in children is often about their relationships with their peers. How can we help our kids resolve conflicts that happen when we’re not around? It turns out there are many things parents can do at home to help their kids resolve peer conflicts at school:

1. Take a Proactive Approach
Create a culture of connection at home and make check-ins a regular part of your day, even before a problem arises. We like this approach because it assures the lines of communication between parents and children will be open and ready. If we’re regularly asking our kids about their day, their activities and their friendships, they’ll be more likely to share when conflicts arise with their peers.

2. Ask Specific Questions
When we ask our kids vague questions like “How was your day?” it’s the equivalent of “What did you have for lunch two weeks ago on Wednesday?” If someone asked us that question, we’d probably say, “I don’t know!” And that is often why they do, too. Most kids have a much easier time answering specific questions, like “Who did you play with at recess?” With specific questions, you’ll get more information, which will make it easier to connect.

3. Respond with Curiosity 
Although we may feel inclined to jump right to solutions, we believe curiosity is one of the best ways to respond when our kids indicate they’re having conflict with a peer. Phrases like “Tell me more about that,” and “How did you feel when that happened?” let our kids know we want to understand before trying to fix. 

4. Zone In on the Core Issue
Look for the pattern in any peer conflicts that arise at school and try to name the core issue underlying the discord. Setting boundaries with kindness, asking for help, sharing activities and friends, and increasing distress tolerance are a few of the most common core issues that show up in peer conflicts.

5. Help Them Develop New Skills
Once you know what the core issue is, you can help them develop the skills to better navigate the conflict. If your child is continually feeling upset because she wants her friend to go down the slide with her, but another friend wants them to play hopscotch, you can help her learn the skills of sharing, turn-taking and emotion regulation. You can teach her thoughts, phrases and behaviors at home and even role play scenarios to help her practice.

6. Reach Out
If your child is experiencing social anxiety or conflict at school and you’re having trouble figuring out how to help them work through it, reach out to school counselors and teachers for help. If any concerns come up regarding discrimination, alerting the teacher is an important step in helping children get the support they need. We believe these conversations are another great place to practice curiosity! Counselors, teachers and administrators can help you find out more about what is happening and collaboratively craft an approach to help resolve the issue.

We like to view peer conflict as an opportunity to teach our children a skill they haven’t learned yet. Whether it’s about sharing, soothing their anxiety, speaking up for themselves or handling disappointment, conflicts with their peers provide prime opportunities for our children to learn strategies that will serve them well beyond the playground. For additional tools and resources, check out the Slumberkins Conflict Resolution Collection with Hammerhead

 

This post originally appeared on www.slumberkins.com.
Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Kelly Oriard and Callie Christensen are co-founders of Slumberkins, a children's brand supporting social-emotional learning for children. Kelly has a dual master's degree in family therapy and school counseling, and Callie has a master's degree in teaching. Both are passionate about teaching children social-emotional skills to thrive in our modern world. 

Back-to-school shopping is in full effect! Trying to figure out what’s cool for school this year? We’ve partnered with OshKosh B’Gosh, the iconic kid’s brand, to bring you the top three trends that are coming back in a big way. Now you don’t have to guess: “Will they like this? Will they wear this?” because we’ve got the trends they’ll love so you can keep calm and shop on!

P.S. If your tiny human rocks a uniform for school, OshKosh also has your family covered with comfortable classics! Shop here.

1. Tie-Dye

It’s not just for hippies—all the cool kids are wearing it (chances are you’ve picked up a few colorful tie-dyed pieces for yourself!). What’s not to love? Tie-dye sends instant cool vibes and is just plain fun. These psychedelic fashion statements are a simple way to add a pop of color to their wardrobe this fall and beyond. Clothes with benefits: Color is the ultimate pick-me-up any day of the week! We love OshKosh’s trendy tie-dye duds. Check them out and buy now, here. Peace and love (and so much fun)!

 

 

2. Denim

You may be thinking: “Yes, of course, denim!”. It may seem like a no-brainer because denim is classic, but the kind of denim is crucial to what’s cool this season, specifically overalls and jackets. Who knows kids denim better than OshKosh B’Gosh

They’ve been in the denim game since 1895, when they started making rugged hickory-striped denim overalls for Northwestern Line railroad workers on Commerce Street in OshKosh, WI. By the 1920s, they began making child-size overalls and jackets. These denim styles have historic cool vibes, and we are loving it—check the latest from OshKosh here.

 

 

3. Athleisure

Nothing says “cool without even trying,” like athleisure. It’s comfy, uncomplicated and comes in a range of styles and colors to fit any personality. Bonus: This easy-breezy fashion trend goes from gym class to math class effortlessly, so you get more bang for your fashion buck with these multitasking threads. OshKosh has you covered, with new laid-back styles you can find here.

 

The latest: OshKosh is bridging the gap by bringing history to the present, by celebrating the confidence and determination of icons before they were icons, to show the next generation it’s ok to dream boldly about who you’ll become someday! Check out “Today Is Someday” here—happy shopping!

 


Stretch Chino Shorts

Was $28 NOW $12 BUY NOW

Uniform Pique Polo

Was $18 NOW $7 (buy 3+, save $1 on each) BUY NOW

Skinny Jeans In Rinse Wash

Was $38 NOW $23 BUY NOW

Sun-Washed Pocket Henley

Was $26 NOW $16 BUY NOW

Tie Dye Hoodie

Was $36 NOW $22 BUY NOW

Tie Dye Leggings

Was $22 NOW $17 BUY NOW

Girlfriend Jeans In Frost Wash

Was $36 NOW $22 BUY NOW

Kindness Sparkle Tee

Was $26 NOW $16 BUY NOW

—Jamie Aderski