ML Interest Tag: morning-sickness

7 Reasons Not to Reveal Your Baby’s Name in Advance

By Janelle Henry

Photo: unsplash

 

7 Reasons Why You Should Never Reveal Your Baby’s Name Choice

We’ve all been there…that exciting moment when you and your spouse finally determine what your babies name will be. Perhaps you have a few options, maybe a boy version and a girl version. The name is occupying your thoughts and you have this secret that just seems too good to keep between the two of you.

It all starts out innocently enough. You are at a gathering, and several months pregnant. Someone will ask you the standard pleasantries… “You look great how do you feel? Do you have any morning sickness? Boy or Girl? Have you picked out a name?” The logical part of you quickly sends a signal to your brain saying “Don’t tell anyone this name we picked out. Nothing good will come of it. Keep it a secret as long as you can. Come on it’s only a few more months!!” And just like out of a cartoon where you have a devil and angel on each shoulder that other more emotional, do-it-if-it-feels-good portion of your brain says “YES! Tell them! You love that name and should feel so proud of what you came up with. It’s the best name ever and who wants a secret anyway. Besides its perfect they will love it!! Do it! Tell them!”

I am here to tell you why keeping that name a secret for just a few months longer is always the best option. I had a friend who had 10 sisters and female cousins in her age range growing up and in order to make sure no one ‘stole’ a baby name each Christmas they would be allowed two names that they could save. They would put the names down on a piece of paper, read them out loud to the group, and then put them in a safe. Once the name had been written down it was yours. I’m not saying you need a vault but hear me out as to why it may be better to keep this wonderful news to yourself.

1. It’s a fun secret to keep with just you and your spouse:  It can be a thing just for the two of you. While everyone else is calling your baby “Baby XYZ” or “the little one” the two of you can rush home after a night with friends and say the name over and over. You can tease each other when one of you almost slips up and refers to the baby by their name, correcting yourself quickly (my husband did this several times and I was always impressed at how fast he recovered).

2. Nobody will ever love it as much as you do:  Let’s face it, unless the person you are telling the name to has THAT EXACT NAME they will never love it as much as you do. And why would they? It’s not their baby, it’s not their name choice. They will like it of course, but it will never be the response you want which I imagine if you are like me at all sounds something like “OH MY GOSH THAT IS THE MOST PERFECT NAME I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU HAVE STRUCK THE BALANCE BETWEEN CLASSIC AND MODERN, WHIMSICAL AND SERIOUS, CUTE AND CLEVER. THIS NAME SURELY WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY”. Yeah that won’t happen.

3. Everyone will ask if you named baby after most famous person with that name:  You know this drill. You’ve likely pulled it on many of your friends and co-workers and probably didn’t realize you were doing it. It goes a little something like this.

Person 1: We are naming our baby Brad. Person 2: Oh like Brad Pitt? Person 1: No Brad is my husband’s middle name.

Or this…

Person 1: We are naming our baby Celine. Person 2: Celine… after Celine Dion? Person 1: No, Celine is Latin for “Heaven”. Person 2: Oh Ok.

4. You will learn the weirdest person someone knows with same name:  Now I am guilty of this time and time again, even if I don’t say it out loud. But I know many people who do. Here is how it goes: “Oh you are going to name the baby Patrick? <Long Pause>. I knew a Patrick in elementary school. He used to eat my glue”. The *only* time this strategy pays off is if you happen to know the coolest person the person you are telling ever knew, and if your baby shares that same name. That likely won’t happen. It will always be a glue-eaters name.

5. They might take the name for themselves:  I know this probably won’t happen. People are good and know how important naming will be. But you do run the risk if you tell of THINKING they stole the name. Likely they already had it chosen for their future child and when you spilled the beans they didn’t want to rain on your parade saying “That’s going to be our baby name too in the distant future! Our kids will be twinsies and now will both get to go thru life putting their last name initial after their first name from now until senior year”. Nope. They won’t say that. And then in 5 years when you have long moved away or switched jobs you will be trolling on Facebook and will see that “Oh my gosh they copied my name”. Not worth it.

6. Once baby is born people can’t object or give other suggestions:  When a baby is born they more or less lock in the name. Even if it’s a terrible name, or the glue eaters name outsiders will simply look at that beautiful baby, hear the name and say “I love it. It’s perfect”. Bingo.

7. So few surprises in life keep this as long as you can: In today’s society everyone wants information all the time regardless of how relevant it is. People love a spoiler. I’ve clicked on articles with the headlines “You won’t believe what happened on last night’s episode of Game of Thrones- Spoilers Ahead” and I don’t even watch that show! I just love a good spoil. Your friends and family, no matter how much they beg to hear that name, will be delighted when the baby is born and they get to hear the unveiling of the name. It’s very royal family. And everyone loves a well-kept surprise.

Once your little bundle arrives, be sure to capture all the sweetest moments—and share them with your family and friends near and far—with the Tinybeans app. The secure platform puts parents in total control of who sees and interacts with photos and videos of their kids.

Janelle is a Pacific Northwest native who escaped the rain and now resides in the Bay Area with her husband and their two sons. A tech industry leader by day and a craft mommy reheating up leftovers by night, just balancing a house of cards as best as she can.

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I Secretly Hate My Husband

By BA Eubank

Photo: Susbany via Pixabay

I don’t hate my husband as a person. He’s not a bad guy. He’s a good husband and a great dad. But I hate that he gets to be the dad. 

Let’s face it: dads have it easy. I’m sure every dad reading this instantly balks and is starting their own list of how they have it harder. 

Let me break it down for you. Moms grow this tiny human in her body for nine, long, excruciating months. We suffer morning sickness, sore boobs, and massive weight gain, which can take years to lose, if ever. 

We have to push this tiny human out of our bodies, which is the most pain one will ever feel in their lifetime. Not to mention burning agony every time we pee for days after. 

If one goes the c-section route, it’s not any better. For days it will hurt just to walk. And gosh forbid we stretch the stitches wrong. 

Then there’s the infant stage. Men somehow can sleep through every squawk and wail. So that leaves it up to us moms to change their diapers and either nurse them or make a bottle and try to get them back to sleep. 

How many diapers do dads change, especially when it’s a blowout? One excuse I’ve heard many times is moms are just better at that stuff. Can I tell you something? It’s not because we’re better at it. We’re just better at sucking it up and doing what needs to be done. 

Dads get to go to the bathroom alone. Not once does a kid barge in while they’re doing their business to tell them something mundane. Sure, moms could lock the door, but then we have tiny fists pounding on it as they scream to let them in. 

Moms are the keeper of the monitor. When the monsters you’ve created are finally asleep, moms are the ones who always have to keep an ear and eye on the monitor, ready to jump up and console the little ones before they fully wake and will take hours to get back asleep.

How many baths do dads give their kids? For example, I will use my family. We have four kids. Let’s average two baths a week. Bath twice a week for their first six years. 2×52 = 104 baths a year for one kid times 6 years= 624 x 4 kids = 2496. Guess how many my husband has given. Two. Two baths out of almost 2,500. 

Kids come to mom for almost everything. Anytime mom is in the shower, kids will want a snack or can’t find a toy, they barge in and ask mom even though dad is sitting on the couch, readily available. 

When it’s time to go somewhere, moms must get little ones ready. We fight to get shoes and coats on. The whole while, dad stands there, repeating that it’s time to go as shoes sail past his head. 

If the family is going away on vacation, dads pack their stuff up and are done. Moms need to pack up the children’s clothes, spare clothes, favorite stuffed animals, things to do in the car. If she is lucky, she won’t forget any of her stuff when it’s time to leave. 

Moms are the finder of all things. Kids are notoriously known to lose a vast array of items. Most likely because they never put things back where they belong. Kids and dads alike will spend an hour looking with no luck. Moms will come along and find whatever it is in a place right in front of their faces.

When dads get sick, they’re allowed to rest in bed all day. And I mean ALL damn day. While moms have to keep kids entertained, play referee, and make meals between puke fests to the bathroom. 

When kids are sick, who do they want? Mom, of course. We’re the ones up most of the night holding the puke bowl and monitoring temperatures. We’re the ones who get puked on because we fell asleep for ten minutes next to them while dad gets to sleep peacefully alone. 

After dealing with all the headaches we moms go through, I’ve decided in my next life, I want to be the dad. 

 

BA Eubank is a wife and mom of five kids. She's been through all the stages from colicky baby to one leaving the nest. She squeezes writing in between playing referee and asking the dog what's in his mouth. 

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5 Tips to Prioritize Healthy Eating during Pregnancy

By Dr. Alan Lindemann

The start of the new year is perhaps the most common time for people to begin a new healthy eating regimen or go on a diet. While traditional dieting is off the table, women entering the new year with a new pregnancy may find themselves wondering how best to eat mindfully to support themselves and their unborn children.

These five healthy pregnancy eating tips will help you get some of the essentials down. If you have any specific concerns, always contact your trusted care provider.

Here are some of the most common questions I receive from pregnant women about how to manage diet during pregnancy.

1. What kind of diet helps control morning sickness?

Eat a balanced diet with equal parts protein, fat, and carbohydrates. This is not a time for low- or high-carb or specialized diets.

Especially during the first trimester, low blood sugar can cause problems, from nausea to not feeling like eating. When you wake up in the morning, eat a couple of crackers and drink some water or juice, then lie back down in bed and let the food get into your system. When you do get up, you should feel more like eating. That’s the time to eat a small amount of protein, fat, and carbohydrates. Then take your shower. It’s hard to even imagine that the timing of a shower can cause nausea, but it does. It is the combination of low blood pressure and low blood sugar.

2. How do I eat for two, three, four, or five babies? Eat three meals a day with three little meals in between. (This will help control nausea as well.) All meals should include protein, fat, and carbohydrates. Aim for 1/3 carbohydrates, 1/3 fat, and 1/3 protein in each meal. A mixture of 40 percent carbohydrates, 40 percent protein, and 20 percent fat also works.

If you eat a balanced diet, three big and three small meals will cause you to gain about 2—3 pounds per month. If you are carrying twins or multiples, you may gain about 4 pounds per month—though no one really knows the optimum weight gain for twins, triplets, or quadruplets. Stay in touch with your doctor and monitor your weight as your pregnancy progresses.

3. What do I do about food cravings? For the most part, eat what you crave. The old ice cream and pickles tradition aren’t really so bad for pregnant women. The ice cream includes all the food groups: protein, carbs, and fat (avoid low-fat ice cream). Pickles might supply electrolytes that the ice cream doesn’t.

4. What if I’m hungry all the time? Try to eat food that is good for you. Fruit (pears, apples, oranges, bananas, grapes), cottage cheese, eggs, and nuts are all good choices. Avoid processed cheeses (i.e., Velveeta, spray cheese).

5. What if I’m not hungry at all? Your first job is to avoid vomiting.

Dealing with nausea, anorexia, and optimal weight gain during pregnancy requires not only attention to what to eat, but when to eat it.

Not being able to eat is hard to manage because it goes against what we think we know about pregnancy. Just the notion of not being able to eat during pregnancy is counter-intuitive. Find something that will stay down, even if it is Coke and potato chips. Start out with a very small amount. If it stays down, wait 45 minutes to an hour and try to eat a small amount of a healthier food.

Remember that pregnant women are extremely sensitive to smell. They can easily lose their appetite by smelling the wrong thing, even cooking food. Those who are not pregnant smell cooking food, get hungry, and if they don’t get to eat in 60 to 90 minutes, they may even get nauseated. This bodily reaction goes into warp speed with pregnancy, reaching the nausea stage within 15 minutes. If you’re pregnant, cooking for your family, and feel hungry, eat a piece of cheese or some fruit while you’re cooking and you may still be able to eat with your family.

Another option is to avoid cooking. Pick up take-out food or get someone else to cook. If you can eat three meals a day with three to four small meals throughout the day, pregnancy will go better.

 

Dr. Alan Lindemann
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

An obstetrician and maternal mortality expert, “Rural Doc” Alan Lindemann, M.D. teaches women and families how to create the outcomes they want for their own health and pregnancy. In nearly 40 years of practice, he has delivered around 6,000 babies and achieved a maternal mortality rate of zero! Visit LindemannMD.com

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Must Have Items That Will Transform Your Labor and Delivery

by #MomLife

 

Clarissa Sidhom

I help mamas find style, sanity, and sisterhood! As a mom to two boys, my parenting and lifestyle blog shares fashion, home, and kids ideas to make life easier and more beautiful.

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After a very traumatic birth experience with my first son, I was determined to do whatever I could to make my second son’s birth positive and joy-filled. Here are 5 items I brought to my second birth that completely transformed labor and delivery!

1

Extra Long Phone Charger

When you desperately need to play Candy Crush & ignore your pain

$17.59

There is nothing worse than being in pain and having no distractions from it. Many hospital beds don't have easy access to electrical plugs, which means charging your phone across the room. This 6 foot phone charger is a game changer!

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2

Structured Supportive Pillow

Hospital beds are the worst. Make them better.

$69.99

After laying in bed for 24 hours during my first labor, I cried not from contractions, but from the discomfort of the hospital bed! This pillow gives you a lot of support to change positions. This will also be very helpful during breastfeeding when you're sitting up in bed in the middle of the night!

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3

Peppermint Essential Oil

Fight pain and nausea naturally

$12.95

During the hardest parts of labor (and even during morning sickness), I put peppermint oil on cotton balls and slowly breathed it in. Peppermint helps with nausea, but it's also a strong enough smell to distract you from contraction pain. The brand is important- make sure it's a legitimate company that doesn't put synthetic fillers into their bottles.

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4

Portable Bluetooth Speaker

Connect your favorite songs to your favorite memories

$69.99

We created a special labor playlist so we would always connect certain songs with our son's birth. This portable speaker helps not only with labor music, but with party music to help pass the time!

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5

Stylish Robe for Unexpected Visitors

For your braless, milk-stained moments

$29.99 BUY NOW

Postpartum is messy for a while. Feel put-together, unexposed, and ready for any unexpected visitors with a cute robe! This link has lots of cute patterns and colors for any style.

Why It’s Ok to Not Be in Control

By Amy Jorgensen

I’m 38 1/2 weeks pregnant. And we’ve already had two “false labor alarms.” I was having 2-3 minute contractions for a few hours each time but once we decided to head to the hospital, which is an hour and forty-five minutes away, the contractions slowed and stopped. 

The first false labor alarm was 2 weeks ago. I was 36 1/2 weeks. It would have been perfect. The kids were still out of school, our babysitters were available, our favorite midwife was available, my brother and sister who live out of state were in town and could have met her, the car was packed, the house was clean. And I was ready. But nothing happened. 

The ache to meet her grows stronger every day. To see her little face, to feel her weight on my chest, her hair brushing against my cheek. But baby girl seems content to hang out and push her little feet into my ribs. I have always been fascinated by pregnancy and birth, especially the parallel life lessons it provides. Each pregnancy and birth I’ve experienced has been different, but my goal has always been to truly experience it. For me, that has meant the absence of pain medications and epidurals. I wanted to feel all the pressure and pain of the process. I felt somehow I needed to experience that (and I believe all women do with their own unique birth experiences) to fully appreciate the joy that followed. 

And really, that’s how life works isn’t it? The process is most often hard, full of pressure and pain, which makes the emergence even more beautiful. Everything worthwhile is hard. The 3 singular moments I saw each of my daughters for the first time were some of the most spiritual and beautiful moments of my life. I remember the crushing wave of love and awe that came over me. And all the hard was worth it. The morning sickness, the aches, the infections, the medications and IV’s, the preeclampsia, the inductions, the awful epidural, the vacuum, the morning sickness, the plateaued growth, the specialist visits, the worry, the fear, the subchorionic hemorrhage, the cord around the neck, the swelling, the pressure, the pain, the morning sickness… did I mention all the morning sickness?… it was all worth it. 

And I am so ready to do this hard thing. To work with my body to bring this little one here. To get to the other side if you will. To start healing. To start holding and loving her. Ever since that first false alarm we’ve been walking on eggshells, feeling like she could come at any moment and trying to be constantly ready. It’s been exhausting. The timing has gotten worse and worse with our girls starting school, my mom, who graciously offered to drop everything, starting work, my mother-in-law, who always makes herself available, is now maxed out helping other family members, and although the car is still packed, the house seems to fall apart more and more each day. 

Our midwife reminded us the other day that induction was always an option if we wanted it. After months and months of feeling out of control, and these last two weeks of feeling completely out of control, I was seriously tempted. An induction would mean that we wouldn’t have to stress about getting to the hospital in time, our favorite midwife could be there to deliver, our mothers could plan on taking our kids instead of being ambushed, our kids (who are already anxious because of the false alarms) could plan and mentally prepare to meet their new sister, and my husband wouldn’t have to keep anxiously waiting for “the” phone call or worrying about delivering a baby in the car. I could have the house clean, someone scheduled to feed the animals, everything ready and in place for us to leave and peacefully return. 

But something about an induction just hasn’t felt right. I had to be induced with my 1st and 3rd for medical reasons. And although I appreciate it’s availability, I don’t prefer it. So why would I choose it now? To be in control? So everything can be perfect? So no one is overly inconvenienced? Why are we always so worried about being in control? Why do we panic when we don’t know how or when something will happen? Why are we always trying to make everything so perfect? And why do we always make our decisions with everyone else’s convenience in mind? 

After 3 children, I’ve learned a new life lesson from pregnancy and birth. We are not in control. And it’s OK. Life is rarely convenient or perfect. And it’s OK. Our best decisions aren’t always going to be the best for others. And it’s OK. I don’t want a planned induction. I don’t feel like it’s the right decision for me or my baby right now. Do I feel selfish for putting my desires before my husband’s, my children’s, and the family that is so willing to help us? Yep. Do I deserve to be selfish about this? You’re damn right I do. Gratefully, I know that I’m surrounded by amazing people that don’t mind being inconvenienced on my behalf. That they support me in my decisions. That they will understand. I’m deciding to give control over to God instead of trying to hold onto it myself. And the relief I feel is immense. So, I’ll enjoy these little feet pushing into my ribs a little while longer until I get to meet her and press those little toes to my lips. Because the best things are worth waiting for and anything worthwhile is hard. And it’s all OK. 

This post originally appeared on www.my-peace-project.com.

Amy is a creator and believes everyone else is too. She strives to be artistic in all areas of life but writing is her passion and her family is her masterpiece. She uses her blog to address the joys and struggles of motherhood and is currently writing her first novel.

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Study Proves the Term “Morning Sickness” Is Misleading

by Jennifer Swartvagher

If you have been pregnant you know that morning sickness doesn’t just rear its head in the early hours of the day. Researchers argue that the term “morning sickness” is misleading and should instead be described as nausea and sickness in pregnancy. A study published  in the British Journal of General Practice shows that, while the most likely time for pregnancy sickness symptoms to occur is in the morning, a significant number of women can experience them at any time of the day.

pregnant

‘Morning sickness’ has long been used to describe nausea and vomiting that women often experience in the early stages of pregnancy. Although pregnant women often report experiencing nausea and sickness throughout the waking day, until now no research has described the likelihood of these symptoms occurring at different times of the day.

The researchers used data from daily symptom diaries kept by 256 pregnant women. In these diaries, the women recorded their experience of nausea and vomiting for each hour in the day, from the day they discovered they were pregnant until the 60th day of their pregnancy. The researchers then used this data to map the likelihood of experiencing nausea and experiencing vomiting in each hour of the day, broken down into weeks following last ovulation.

They found that while vomiting was most common between the hours of 7.00 a.m. and 1.00 p.m., nausea is highly likely throughout the whole daytime, not just the morning. Furthermore, many women still reported vomiting as a symptom even into the evening. The most common hour for participants to experience nausea and vomiting was between 9.00 a.m. and 10.00 a.m. with 82% experiencing nausea in this hour, and 29% experiencing vomiting.

94.2% of participants experienced at least one of these symptoms during the study, with 58% experiencing both.

In addition, by comparing occurrence of symptoms across the first seven weeks of pregnancy, measured from last ovulation, the researchers found that the later the week, the higher the probability of experiencing symptoms. The probability of experiencing nausea is at its highest in weeks 5, 6 and 7 while for vomiting it is in week seven. As the study only examined the first seven weeks of pregnancy, the probabilities after week seven are not known.

Professor Roger Gadsby, of Warwick Medical School, said: “Morning sickness is widely used by the general public, media and even healthcare professionals but it doesn’t give an accurate description of the condition.If a pregnant woman experiences sickness in the afternoon she may feel that this is unusual and wrong, or if she experiences no vomiting but feels nauseated all day she might think she is not covered by the term ‘morning sickness’. And those women who experience severe symptoms feel it trivialises the condition”

He continued, “Nausea and vomiting in pregnancy (NVP) can have a significant negative impact on the lives of sufferers. It can cause feelings of depression, of being unable to look after the family, and of loss of time from paid work. Very severe NVP called hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is the commonest cause of admission to hospital in the first trimester of pregnancy.”

The study authors said: “The continued use of the term ‘morning sickness’ could imply that symptoms only rarely occur in the afternoon and evening so that sufferers will have significant parts of the day symptom-free. This study shows that this is an incorrect assumption and that symptoms, particularly nausea, can occur at any time of the day.”

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Anastasiia Chepinska on Unsplash

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Celeb Moms Who Had Difficult Pregnancies

by Jacqui Boland

Jessica Simpson, Kelly Clarkson, Kate Hudson, what do these celebs have in common aside from their million dollar bank accounts, golden voices and stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? All three celebrity moms had difficult pregnancies, like millions of other moms across the globe. Motherhood is the great equalizer, apparently.  Dehydration, Pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes and hyperemesis gravidarum (acute morning sickness) are just a few of the struggles of pregnancy. What challenges did these celeb moms face in their pregnancy?

  • Kim Kardashian struggled with preeclampsia and placenta accreta making having any more babies after her first risky, which is why she used a surrogate for her following births.

 

 

 

  • Jessica Simpson struggled with edema, sciatica pain, acid reflux during her pregnancy.

 

 

  • Serena Williams difficulties began soon after delivering her daughter via c-section. “She suffered from a pulmonary embolism and the doctors also found a large hematoma.

 

  • Chrissy Teigen suffered a vaginal tear after the birth of her daughter Luna.

 

Motherhood unites us all and it’s nice to hear these celebs share their struggles as well.

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Amy Schumer Shares Details about Her Scary C-Section

by Erica Loop

Comedian and new mama Amy Schumer recently got real about her pregnancy and c-section delivery. While on an episode of the Informed Pregnancy and Parenting Podcast, the actress opened up about hyperemesis gravidarum, having a c-section and endometriosis.

After a pregnancy filled with more than just morning sickness (hyperemesis gravidarum), the vomiting didn’t end at labor. According to Schumer, she threw up for the first hour of her c-section.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6hmuj3Jeo3/

The actress revealed, “I was throwing up through the first hour of my c-section. It’s supposed to take about an hour and a half—mine took over three hours because of my endometriosis.” She went on to add, “And that was really scary.”

Even though Schumer initially planned to deliver in a birthing center with the assistance of a doula, the actress eventually realized a hospital birth was in the cards. “It was a rainy Sunday and I woke up vomiting and was like the sickest I’d been the whole time,” she said of the big day. “And I was like, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ I was so big and I was so miserable and couldn’t keep anything down.”

Schumer also shared the pivotal role her husband, Chris Fischer, played in the birth saying, “It was kind of brutal,” she said. “… But Chris was so great—we just stared in each other’s eyes and he just held me there. Then they let me hold Gene for a good amount of time. I got to see him and hold him.”

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Amy Schumer via Instagram

 

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Dear Cancer: A Mother’s Answer to the Unanswered Questions

By Robin Reynolds

‌

I remember the day my heart was broken. It was in the early morning hours of May 12th. Wearing the baggy pink sweatpants I purchased the night before, I sat in a stiff vinyl hospital chair. My body was curled up into a tight little ball and I watched my mother take her last breath. It still infuriates me that the barbaric double-mastectomy wasn’t enough; that her breast cancer had to spread and take her life, too. In some ways, it had taken portions of my life right along with it.

They say you never really get over the loss of a loved one, you just learn to cope with the empty hole that’s left in your heart. I tend to agree. Twelve years have passed and I’m not over it yet. These past twelve years I kept finding myself in scenarios where the empty hole aches its ugly reminder that it’s still here. Some scenarios arrived quickly, like the breast cancer awareness marathon. I signed up intending to walk in celebration of my mom being a breast cancer survivor. Instead, I walked in her memory.

Sometimes, the ache will bubble up when I least expect it. Like the time I was in a dressing room at the local mall. I was stepping in to a pair of jeans when I heard a teenager in the stall next to me arguing with her mom over something trivial. It was more than I could bear. I shut my eyes tightly, willing the bickering to stop. What I would give to be able to have one more day out shopping with my mom! I sobbed silently in the dressing room until they left.

Other times the ache throbbed as expected. I couldn’t celebrate Mother’s Day anymore. I wouldn’t eat her home cooking ever again. Christmas has never been the same. I couldn’t call my Mom when I met my future husband. Walking down the aisle, I couldn’t look over to see her at our wedding. I couldn’t share the joy of purchasing our first home with her and the millions of times in between when I needed her advice, I couldn’t ask.

Yet, nothing could have prepared me for the ache I’ve felt since becoming a mother. When I found out I was pregnant, I was riddled with so many unanswered questions. I had terrible morning sickness; did she struggle with that too? I was scared when my water broke and the contractions began. Was she frightened too?

Looking for answers, I dug through the old cardboard box of mementos my mom had left behind. I pulled out my old baby book and flipped through the yellowed pages. Half was filled with dates and various facts, the remaining blank pages filled only with good intentions. I couldn’t help but chuckle. My daughter’s baby book also had blank pages that I had been meaning to get to until acclimating to life with a baby got the best of me. Even still, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Our infant daughter wailed when she received her first round of vaccines. I cried right along with her and dreaded ever vaccine appointment thereafter. Did my mom cry with me too? As I sifted through the old photographs, I found myself wanting to know more about that snapshot in time. I looked excited for my first day of school, how did my mom feel seeing her baby growing up so quickly?

I resent that breast cancer caused all of these questions and more to remain unanswered. But buried deep in my resentment I also found determination. Cancer may have taken these moments from me, but I refused to ever give it a chance to take the details of these moments away from my daughter too.

I opened my laptop and began writing a blog for her. Each post is a letter to my daughter. I tell her all the things I wish I had the opportunity to talk to my mom about. I tell her how loved she was from the moment we found out I was pregnant with her. I explained that sending her off to her first day of preschool was rough on me and it was a tough day for her too. We could have ended the day accepting it wasn’t the best and would try again tomorrow, except we didn’t. Cancer has taught us that life is too precious to settle. We came home on that rainy first day of preschool, put on our rain boots and went right back out into it. Instead of remembering what a rough day we had, we now remember it as the day we happily splashed through the mud puddles. My letter explains to her that the picture that accompanies it is more than playing in the rain. It’s about finding the good in the not so optimal hand that life has dealt to you. It’s about seizing the opportunity to take a rough day and turning it around into something more meaningful. Without the letter, this message may have been missed.

Anytime I find myself wishing I could ask my mother a question, I use it as inspiration to write a letter to my daughter to answer it for her. She’s too young to ask these questions now and I can only hope that I will be here to answer them when she does. But if life throws us a curve ball, my letters will be here for her when she’s ready. I began creating a guided journal to help other mothers do the same.

I don’t think that I’ll ever stop resenting cancer, but I’m thankful for its persistent reminder that life is fragile and every day we have with each other is a day to be cherished.

Do you have a story about how breast cancer has impacted your life as a parent? We want to hear it! Join our October Breast Cancer Awareness conversation and share your story today.

Robin Reynolds is a writer, blogger and contributing author for Chicken Soup for the Soul. Her daughter is the inspiration for her blog Dear Jalen where she chronicles her daughter’s childhood in written letters. Robin is on a mission to encourage other parents to do the same. Visit Dear Jalen to learn more. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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5 Pregnancy Apps Every Dad-to-Be Should Be Using

By Sarah Daren

Photo: Christen Noelle via Unsplash

These days, there are apps for just about everything—even pregnancy tips for men. While a pregnancy app specifically designed for people who can’t get pregnant might seem strange, these apps are actually very helpful for men who want to support their partners through the process of carrying a baby.

Here’s why you should download pregnancy apps if your partner is expecting a baby, plus recommended downloads to try out.

 

There’s a Lot to Think about during a Pregnancy
Pregnancy can be all over the map. Some moms feel great throughout their pregnancies and even get that mythical “glow.” Others suffer from near-constant morning sickness and find themselves uncomfortable during most of their pregnancy.

Expectant dads can use pregnancy apps to get advice and learn more about what their partner is going through. They’ll also help men prepare for the birth and support their partner through any health concerns that may come up during the pregnancy. These can include:

  • Depression and anxiety
  • Tokophobia (fear of giving birth, which affects over 20% of pregnant women)
  • Gestational diabetes
  • Hyperemesis gravidarum (severe, persistent morning sickness)
  • Preeclampsia
  • High blood pressure

There’s a lot to think about during pregnancy, and expectant dads can do their part by getting educated and being prepared to help out in any way they can. The following are five pregnancy apps that dads can use to make life a little easier for expectant moms.

1. DaddyUp

Known as “The dad’s field guide to pregnancy,” DaddyUp is designed to be a fun, informative tool for expectant dads. Besides the customizable preparations checklist, a journal to take down notes during the pregnancy, and a weekly progress report, the app offers dads “rugged” comparisons for the baby’s size at every stage (no more peach-sized babies!).

Dads can use DaddyUp to do their part and keep track of their pregnancy responsibilities in a fun, approachable way.

2. Quick Tips For New Dads

Feeling overwhelmed? Quick Tips for New Dads gets it. The app was created for new dads by the guys who have already been there and have wisdom and encouragement to share. The tips are bite-sized and easy to use, offering practical advice and ways to cope with the stress of being a new parent. Plus, you can post specific questions for other dads to answer!

3. BabySparks

Want to set your baby up for the best start possible? Of course, you do! With BabySparks, you can start learning about early learning and prepare for enrichment from day one. The app has a huge library of video activities for different developmental milestones that you can use to help your baby grow and thrive.

BabySparks adapts to your child’s unique needs, adapting based on their actual development and allowing you to track their progress. It’s a great program for bonding with your new baby while helping them achieve important milestones. The app is available in English and Spanish.

4. Who’s Your Daddy

Based on advice from midwives but written by and geared toward men who are trying to help their partners during pregnancy, Who’s Your Daddy takes the mystery out pregnancy. With funny, straightforward advice, the app guides fathers-to-be through the entire pregnancy, offering tips and updates.

5. Pregnant Dad

Pregnant Dad provides tips for each phase of pregnancy, even letting expectant dads know when it may be time to go shopping for larger bras. An appointment tracker, “survival” tips, and a birthday calculator are just some of the features Pregnant Dad offers. There are even built-in features for couples expecting twins!

Sharing the Responsibility

Today’s dads are more engaged than ever before. It’s a great time to be a father! Attention from both parents can help kids live happy, healthy lives. Since maternity and paternity leave can vary depending on a couple’s situation and more women today stay in the workforce after having children, it’s very important for both mothers and fathers to be involved in early childcare.

Sharing the responsibility and getting prepared for the birth signals your support and shows your partner that you care about her health and well-being. Pregnancy and parenthood is a shared responsibility—and seeking out knowledge via apps for expectant dads can help you prepare for your share of the responsibilities.

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach. 

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