ML Interest Tag: peer-pressure

Yes, Sexting Happens in Middle School. Here’s How to Talk to Kids about It

By Jessica Speer

photo: Free-Photos via Pixabay 

The soccer team huddled around one boy’s phone, leaning in to get a closer look. The image on the screen was of a 13-year old student’s breasts. The private photo, taken months earlier, had gone viral.

Yes, unfortunately, sexting happens in middle school. To start, let’s clarify the definition of sexting.

Sexting is defined as “the action of sending sexually explicit photos, videos or messages via mobile phone or the internet.” Middle school counselors and teachers are concerned about the behavior as it is becoming increasingly common.

Youth Sexting Statistics

According to a 2017 Study by JAMA Pediatrics, 14% of youth reported sending sexts, and 27% reported receiving sexts. Also, 1 in 8 youth reports either forwarding or having a sext forwarded without their consent.

Why are middle school students sexting?

According to KidsHealth, there are various reasons kids are sexting, such as peer pressure, getting attention, flirting, or as a joke or dare. The fact that tweens and teens’ prefrontal cortex is not fully formed, the part of the brain that manages impulse control, also contributes.

What problems result from sexting?

As illustrated in the opening story, private photos are often widely shared, negatively impacting reputations and mental health. In some states, sharing illicit photos and videos is a crime. Tweens and teens may face charges and legal consequences. Sharing or having a nude photo on your phone could result in a child pornography charge. One impulsive decision can affect a student’s life for years to come.

What can parents do? 

1. Regular family conversations about online behaviors build a foundation as tweens and teens navigate their lives online. 
Helping kids understand and avoid oversharing is an important step. Share real stories about teens that overshared online and how it impacted their life. Share stories of how colleges and employers look at social profiles before accepting or hiring students. Make sure kids understand the legal consequences of sexting.

Conversation starter: “I was watching the news and saw a story about some kids who got in trouble for sending nude pictures to friends. Did you hear about that?”

2. Regularly remind teens that nothing shared online is ever private.
Before posting anything, it’s essential for teens to consider how they would feel if a wider audience saw the image or message. (i.e. Grandma, school principal, coaches, other friends, other parents, your whole school, college admissions person). Remind them that once images are out there, they leave a digital footprint. They can’t “take it back.”

Conversation starter: “Can we talk about the types of things you and your friends share online? I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and looking out for your friends too.”

3. Keep the tone of conversations non-judgemental and informative.
This will help to keep the dialogue going instead of sounding like a lecture. Rather than leading the discussion, make sure you listen to your tween/teen. Discuss the pressures that teens often experience to send inappropriate photos.

Conversation starter: “Have you heard about sexting? Do you know anything about it?”

Bottom line, sexting is becoming increasingly common. Start conversations as soon as your child has a smartphone and revisit conversations regularly. Developing healthy online habits takes attention, discussion, and lots of practice. The road is full of bumps but luckily gets smoother as parents help kids navigate the potholes.

This post originally appeared on www.JessicaSpeer.com.

Jessica Speer is the author of BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? Girls Guide to Happy Friendships. Combining humor, the voices of kids, and research-based explanations, Jessica unpacks topics in ways that connect with tweens and teens. She’s the mother of two and has a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences.    

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Safety Tips for Teens This Summer

By Kara Reynolds

Photo: Storyblocks

Summer is almost here! The air is getting warmer, the sun stays out longer, and it’s likely your teens are getting anxious to start their summer vacation.

Your number one priority is to keep your kids safe, no matter how old they are. Summer is a time for relaxation and fun, but it can be stressful at times when you have a teenager in the house who wants to explore and soak up every bit of time they have to be themselves.

Thousands of books out there explain how to keep your home safe for an infant, but what about books or recommendations to keep teenagers safe? You can’t just put them in a playpen anymore—they have friends, cellphones, cars and a mind of their own now. To ensure your teen stays safe, check out these safety tips for your summertime teens so you can have a relaxing and bright summer!

Stress the Importance of Preventing the Spread of COVID-19

Hopefully, this tip will be off the list for next year, but it’s still valid for this year. Summertime is often associated with teens spending days on end with their friends and exploring various places. However, you must stress the prevention of spreading COVID-19.

Some states are beginning to reopen, so ensure your teen is following your state’s ordinances. Remind them to:

  • Frequently wash their hands
  • Wear a facemask
  • Practice social distancing
  • Avoid contact with those who may have the virus

Reminding them of these precautions should keep them healthy this summer to return safely to school in the fall.

Be Transparent About How Often You Want Communication

Teens seem to always be on their phones, but they tend to forget to reply to a text or call back their parents! Ensure you’re clear with how often you want them to check in with you when they’re out and about. It’s important that they know you’re one call away in case of any dangers.

Remind them to charge their phones often. Additionally, if you need an update on location changes, clearly explain that each time they leave a place and arrive at another location, you expect them to contact you.

Discuss Driving Safety & the Rules of the Road

For most teens, driving equals freedom. As your teen turns their designated driving age, they will want to be on the road as much as possible once summer hits. Whether it’s a day trip to the beach or a shopping trip with their best friend, they need to know that driving safely is crucial.

Discuss good driving habits such as wearing a seatbelt, putting the phone away and not eating in the vehicle. Any distractions, especially when teens first start driving, could be extremely dangerous.

Explain the Dangers of Substances

Although your teen has probably heard multiple times about the dangers of substance abuse, it never hurts to re-explain that to them. Teach them that peer pressure is a powerful thing and that it is 100% okay to say no. If they are in a situation where they’re pressured to use a vape, smoke, participate in drug use or drink, let them know that you are available to help.

Also, explain the long-term effects of those who delve into substances. Even though they may think it’s just one time, that one time can lead them down a road they don’t want to be on.

Get to Know the People Your Teen Spends Time With

One of the best ways to know if your teen will be safe when they are with friends is to get to know their friends. Have your teen invite their friends to your house for a few get-togethers. Additionally, you can ask your teen about their friends.

As your teen is spending time with their friends, observe them. This will allow you to better judge whether or not those people are good influences on your teenager.

Talk about Sex

It’s a tough conversation, but someone has to do it, and it’s probably best if it comes from a parent than any other source where information could be invalid. It’s a crucial conversation for all parents to have with their teenagers because many consequences can come from one sexual encounter.

Be open and honest with them. Allow them to ask you any questions they have. If they have been sexually active with someone, teach them about birth control and protection from sexually transmitted diseases.

Encourage a Healthy Diet & Hydration

In the summer, although kids are pretty active, there may be times you go on vacations and splurge on sugary treats and drinks for your teens. Although it’s okay to indulge every once in a while, ensure your teens still maintain proper eating habits to keep them energized and fueled for the day.

You should also ensure that your teen is drinking water. Water is the best drink for hydration purposes. People are more likely to become dehydrated during the summer months because of excessive heat and activity. Remind them to drink water throughout the day!

Create a Safe & Fun Summer Plan with Your Teen

Ultimately, you want your teenager to have fun during the summer. Soon, they’ll be off to college or heading into the workforce, so summer is their chance to live it up! Before summer break begins, have these conversations with them to create a safety plan for their summer.

 

RELATED: The Surprising Thing a Pixar Movie Taught Me about Raising a Teenager

Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine.  A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures.  She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Looking for a World Full of Justice & Understanding

By Tabitha Cabrera

As an attorney, I often read about lawsuits wondering what the best outcome for both parties will be. I sat through what felt like a decade of law classes learning that not everything is what it seems. Learning to condense information to the most necessary facts and looking at both sides of a case. 

Now in my legal profession, I sit across my clients, digging deeper, finding out facts about who they are as a person. To highlight their personal struggles to formulate a defense and negotiate based on who they are, not what they have done. I listen to mothers and fathers as they recite their son’s and daughters’ stories of life long struggles, of IEP’s, diagnosis, addiction, and peer pressure. I hear the pain in their voice as they talk about circumstances they could not control. 

Before having children, I thought of my own life path during these conversations and the experiences that pushed me into a social service life. Now, as I hear these stories, I think of my children, hoping as they enter into the world, that will be met with kindness, that the people they encounter will come from a place of wanting to understand instead of a place of trying to shove them into societies expectations. 

I came across a story in the news on CNN with the title “Mother of 7-year-old with autism files lawsuit after resource officer handcuffed her son her son at school.” The boy was enrolled in a day treatment program. A program he was sent to with the expectation that it was the best choice for him. As parents of special needs children, we are often navigating therapy programs, school choices, and day treatment programs. We are looking for the best fit to help our children. We are often met with fights from IEP teams, insurance providers, and school staff. We do our best to advocate for our children’s needs. According to the lawsuit, the officers assigned to her son’s program were aware that children at the day treatment program had special needs and suffered from various developmental, mental health, and behavioral issues, including autism. The lawsuit details facts about the situation that the boy verbalized being stressed out. He was taken to a quiet room by his teacher to help process his feelings. Body camera video shows Officer Fattaleh forced the boy, who was in a sensory room, into a kneeling position, with his arms pinned behind him, saying, “if you spit on me, I’m going to put a hood on you.” The lawsuit alleges that Fattaleh restrained the 7-year-old in metal handcuffs, on the ground, for more than 38 minutes, at one point stating, “Have you ever heard the term babysitter? I take that term literally, my friend.” According to CNN, he then said, “If you, my friend, are not acquainted with the juvenile justice system, you will be very shortly,” on the video. “You ever been charged before? OK, well, you’re fixing to.”

I do not know why this mother chose to send her son to this day program and what advocating she had to do to get him there. I’m sure as she sent him off, she had a set of fears if this was the right choice for him. As I read through the article, I flashed back to my feelings as I put my son on the public school bus last year. The fears that overcame me. The discussions I had with my husband over and over about those fears. Those fears highlighted in this lawsuit that my thoughts weren’t just a nervous special needs attorney mom overthinking. This boy, nearly 7-years-old who could verbalize he was stressed out and handcuffed for 38 minutes, who asked for help from a day program for special needs children. I thought of my son, only 4-years-old who can’t say I am stressed out, handcuffed, and scared. 

When the boy’s mother arrived, she was told that her son was going to be charged with one maybe two counts of assault. I thought of my clients and their parents, who tell me stories of situations that still cause heartache, who carry this heartache for things they could not control, from a public who misunderstands mental health, developmental disabilities, and yes, autism. I hope my children never experienced this level of misunderstanding that the world doesn’t meet them with handcuffs and cold statements. This mother is seeking to hold Fattaleh liable for inflicting “unnecessary and wanton pain and suffering,” what this mother can do in response to the officer’s actions under the law.

As an attorney, I know that this article does not highlight everything that happened that day, that we do not have all the facts. As a mother to a special needs child, I feel deeply for this mother. As I read about this mother’s experience, I looked at the fears that have left me wondering about society as a whole. I thought of her young 7-year-old special needs son and the adversity he faces in his daily life. 

I do not know what justice looks like for this mother and son. I can imagine that her lifelong feelings about her son’s experience that day will not be forgotten with won lawsuits. That a legal win will not take away the lingering heartache, they both will carry. As I send my children out into the world, I know my fears will always be there. Fears heightened by this boy’s story and my clients’ stories. Still, these fears will not stop me from getting my son the services he needs. They won’t stop me from believing that this world can change with knowledge and understanding. These fears won’t stop me from advocating, listening to the heartache, or facing the world as a special needs mom. 

Tabitha Cabrera, lives in Arizona with her husband, and two beautiful children. She works as an Attorney and enjoys spending her time in a public service role. The family loves nature and ventures outdoors as much possible. Come check out her little nature babies

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

How to Prepare Your Daughter for Her First Phone

By Lindsay Sealey

Photo: iStock

If your daughter is like most growing girls, she’s begging you for a phone and she feels ready to jump into social media. And if you are like most parents, you are not ready (yet). The New York Times tells us that students are spending over eight hours each day on their phones, mostly scrolling and swiping through social media, creating videos on TikTok, watching YouTube videos, and of course chatting on Snapchat.

Girls tell me all the time how much they love social media – feeling they belong to the “phone club,” the chance to feel connected and included amongst peers, the ideas that inspire them, and the hours of pure entertainment. Yet, many of them admit they also loathe social media–it can feel like pressure to keep up and post “perfectly,” to see polished pictures and not only feel jealous after a quick comparison, but also “not good enough,” to obsess over likes, comments, and the number of followers, and of course, the worry about being left out at best and harassed or bullied at worst.

After speaking to girls and so many parents, here are six steps you can take, starting today, to help you and your daughter plan and prepare for her transition into the virtual world (and to support her if she’s already there):

Step 1: Ask Her about Her Reasons Why She Wants a Phone

Does she feel peer pressure? Is she simply curious? Is she wanting connection? Does she feel left out? You may be surprised to hear what she has to say.

Step 2: Give Her the Facts about Screens & Social Media

  • Screen time is a distraction and can be very stressful
  • Girls are spending more than 8 hours each day on their phones
  • Girls feel a lot of pressure to post and keep up every day
  • Girls worry a lot about being judged, criticized, and mocked
  • Girls today feel more disconnected, lonely, left out, and not good enough when they are online

The facts will likely not dissuade her but they will inform her.

Step 3: Discuss the Pros & Cons

  • Entertaining and fun
  • Inspiring her with creative ideas
  • Feeling connected, included, and “normal”
  • Keeping in touch and the chance to share stories and experiences
  • Self-promoting to be entrepreneurial
  • Escaping after a stressful day at school
  • Distracting
  • Bullying
  • Feeling judged
  • Competing and comparing
  • Feeling it’s too fake and too superficial
  • Addicting
  • Decreasing self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Influencing how she may feel about herself and her body

Step 4: Create Guidelines Together

Consider these ideas:

  • Ensuring her safety is a priority: turn off location settings, turn on privacy settings; don’t share personal information
  • Monitoring time on devices and deciding on her “magic number”
  • Choosing a screen and social media time slot each day and sticking to it
  • Helping her makes decisions such as: who to accept and follow; what to post and how often
  • Encouraging her to be real online: her true and authentic self
  • Talking about her triggers: what could bother her and why
  • Agreeing where the phone should go at night so she has a quality sleep
  • Helping her choose safe websites and platforms
  • Reminding her of her priorities (homework, chores, play, etc.)
  • Discussing “thinking before posting” and her digital footprint

Step 5: Explore “What If Situations”

What if…

  • She makes a mistake online
  • She posts and nobody “likes” or comments
  • She gets mean comments
  • She gets bullied
  • She feels uncomfortable and unsafe

Then create a plan, empowering her with people she can talk to (other than you) and what she can do: block, delete, unfollow, report (if necessary), and do a digital detox by taking time off to be in the real world

Step 6: Talk about What She’s Missing When She Chooses Screen Time

The chance to:

  • Play
  • Spend time outside
  • Create
  • Make real connections
  • Reflect
  • Unwind
  • Set goals
  • Develop her skillset
  • Dream

Girls having phones is inevitable. Yet, we, as girl supporters and girl champions, can navigate the virtual world with her—keeping her aware, healthy, and happy online.

 

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys teaching and coaching for girls, boys, and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

The Key to Embracing Curly Hair & How to Manage It for Your Kids

by #MomLife

 

Allie Vasquez

I am a former high school Spanish and Mandarin Chinese teacher

Follow Me

I know that there is a high level of suffering going on in the world, but I also know that being the only curly haired person in a family of straight haired people is the pits. My mother decided that the only way to control my curls was to put my hair in a ponytail and separate it into 2 braids, which quickly got me dubbed as “The Helicopter” on the playground, where the boys would ask me to spin my head around like a propeller. Once I hit middle school, the kids in school told me I was gross because I didn’t brush my hair. I acquiesced to peer pressure, started brushing after gym class, and was then deemed “The Bush” by the boys in my science class, who would see how many pencils they could get lodged in it. Between dry brushing, chemical straighteners, and general triangle head from the ages of 8-15, I grew up hating my hair.

After I figured out the benefits of conditioning, washing my hair as little as possible, and embracing the beautiful imperfections that curly hair offers, I vowed to make life easier for my curly headed kids! While my personal curly hair routine requires more products, I have a very simple wash and go routine that I use when on vacation that more closely mimics what I do for my kids’ hair. First and foremost: we rarely ever shampoo. Curly hair is very naturally dry, and dryness creates frizz. I deep condition my own hair twice a week, and if you have kids who can sit through 20 minutes of it I would highly recommend it! My boys do not fit into that category. That’s why a leave-in conditioner is so important! I simply do not ever leave the house without it in my hair. Once I went to Rhode Island and as I got out of the shower I realized that I had left mine at home, so I ran across the street to the CVS in hotel slippers and a towel, sprayed some into my hair, and ran back to finish getting ready. It’s that important!

Finally, the key to curly hair is embracing the fact that it will never look the same two days in a row, and that’s okay! People with straight hair love curly hair because of how perfectly imperfect it is, and you should too.

1

Witch I Love Your Hair

Witchy Curl Magic In a Bottle

$24

Totally natural, made from spring water and essential oils, and perfect as a leave-in, refresher, or just to spray on your face and body when you need a mood boost! Perfect for kids who won't let you put anything in their hair - just mist them as they get out of the bath.

BUY NOW

2

Denman Brush

Yes you can brush curly hair - but only when it's wet!

$19.95

I love the Denman brush because it helps with tangles, even product application, and feels amazing on your scalp. Since we don't brush our hair when it's dry, your hair needs a good brushing to stimulate circulation at the scalp to promote hair growth and to get out all the hairs that have fallen in between washes. Plus, this brush is very easy to clean.

BUY NOW

3

Satin pillowcases

Give your curls a break while you sleep

$8.99

Cotton has tiny looped fibers that grab, pull, and split your hair follicles. And if you're like us and don't wet your hair everyday, sleeping on a normal cotton pillowcase adds to frizz and doesn't allow you to go as many days between washes. If you have kids who are wild sleepers, or just wild in general and don't let you do anything to control their tangles, this is a good passive option for keeping those curls frizz free!

BUY NOW

4

Shea Moisture 100% Virgin Coconut Oil Leave-In Treatment

Leave in conditioner will be your best friend! Don't leave home without it!

$12.99

Shea Moisture products are my go-to for curly hair. They are all natural, and they work fabulously for all different types of curls. This leave-in treatment is easiest for me and my kids because I can spray it while they try and wriggle away from me, and it really moisturizes their hair.

BUY NOW

LEGO Wants to Help Parents Talk About Online Safety

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Kids are spending more time on screens. The LEGO Group wants to help keep them safe online.Their new initiative Small Builds for Big Conversations offers a series of creative challenges for families to engage in conversations about being a good digital citizen and the importance of online safety. 

Small Builds for Big Conversations

According to Kaspersky, parents spend just 46 minutes talking to their children about online risks throughout their entire childhood as they find it difficult to express the risks in a relatable way. Small Builds for Big Conversations has been created to address such barriers by giving parents simple, fun ways to talk to children aged six to 10 about digital safety and wellbeing while they play.  

Small Builds for Big Conversations

The ‘Build & Talk’ challenges are based around characters built from LEGO bricks, who represent both the positive and negative aspects of life online. Parents and children are encouraged to build similar characters with LEGO bricks they have at home and use play and conversation prompts to talk about digital wellbeing, safety and potential dangers. 

Anna Rafferty, Vice President Digital Consumer Engagement, said: “As a parent I know it’s not always easy to talk to your children about being a good digital citizen in a way they understand, as they are often influenced by peer pressure and exciting digital experiences. We have a long history of creating safe digital play experiences for kids, so we wanted to give parents the confidence to connect with their children on this important topic.  

“We understand the power of learning through play, which is why we’ve made the conversations playful. LEGO bricks are great for sparking imagination and storytelling, so building characters while talking will make the experience more memorable and enjoyable for parents and kids. Today’s young children will live their lives online and many have their first digital experience before their first birthday. Being a good digital citizen is critical for their development.”  

Small Builds for Big Conversations

The builds are available in three themed activity packs that include two character categories: ‘The Online Explorers,’ like ‘The Giggler’ who loves to watch and make online videos, and The ‘Watch-Outs,’ like ‘The Chameleon’ who represents strangers that pretend to be friends. Each activity pack includes inspiration on how to build the characters, as well as talking points and questions to help guide the conversation between parents and their children, helping them have a natural conversation, that leads to learning while they play. The content has been developed in line with UNICEF digital safety guidelines.

Small Builds for Big Conversations

“Spending time with parents and talking openly about experiences on the internet is key to keeping children safe and happy online,” said Andrew Mawson, Chief of Child Rights and Business at UNICEF. “We welcome this timely initiative by the LEGO Group to facilitate these conversations through play.” 

Building inspirations for all of the characters are available on www.LEGO.com. Each takes around 10 minutes to construct using existing bricks, and their physical features reflect the different aspects of being online.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of The LEGO Group

RELATED STORIES

LEGO Has a New Streaming Service & It Gives You Access to 1,000+ Videos

These New LEGO Education Sets Bring STEAM Skills to Preschoolers

These New Robotics LEGO Sets Are Perfect for Your STEM-Loving Tweens

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Quarantining with Teenagers

By Reena B. Patel

As you know, parents everywhere are trying to just figure things out, a lot of this is trial and error. While parents are feeling the shift, so are the kids and teens. Parents with teenagers, hang in there! As a parenting expert, guidance counselor, a licensed educational psychologist AND raising two teens myself, I completely understand the struggles we are all facing. I’m constantly implementing positive parenting techniques more now than ever. Here are a few tips that you can also do yourself!

Positive Parenting Tools

1. Parent by example. (AKA: Model what you expect) Think of your teens like a copy machine who will mimic everything you do. If you make poor choices in behavior, you are giving them permission to act in the same ways. Check-in with yourself, and don’t lose it in front of them.

2. Children need positive attention. If they do not receive positive attention from family, they may choose to seek out negative attention. This is because negative attention is still attention, and any attention is better than being ignored. Remember to communicate with your child. Love and care are the greatest healers.

3. Set clear limits on your child’s behavior. Sit down and have a family discussion on the family rules in your home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if they break the rules. Rules should be few, fair, easy to follow, enforceable, and positively stated

Communication

1. If you feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder while at home around your teen—make family time for meals. Even though you might feel disconnected at times from your teen, you are creating a space for when she is ready to have a dialogue

2. Are your teens allergic to questions? Teenagers want questions driven by genuine interests. Ex: try not to ask, “SO, how was your day?” Instead, ask, “How’s it going in algebra, I know you were not loving your unit last week.” Honest questions get honest answers.

3. Validate and emphasize what they are going through. It’s not easy being a teen and missing social events, seeing friends in person, and doing activities such as going to the mall.

Social Media 

1. Just because your teens are at home more, doesn’t mean they should stay on their phones more.

2. Create digital rules and include the use of their phones.

3. Be open. Don’t check your teen’s phone in secret. If they find out, which they will, you will have a hard time gaining trust back.

4. Be clear from the onset you will be doing random checks. This allows for speed bumps. Teens are impulsive and the reminders help with decision making. For example, remind them about the negative effects of posting something based on peer pressure or ganging up on a chain of negative comments.

5. Digital technology gives teens a way to build and maintain friendships when they are not together but talk to your teens about the permanent mark they are leaving online. They might think they can erase a comment or picture, but it doesn’t fully disappear.

6. Unplug where there are opportunities for social skills an in-person connections

Dealing with Disappointment with Grades and Remote Learning

1. When boys fail a test, they have a tendency to cope by balancing external factors like, “The teacher doesn’t like me” or “The test was dumb.”

2. In that same scenario, girls tend to explain failures internally and permanently. For example, “I will never be good at..” or “I’m dumb, I’m not smart at math.” Even though they may have gotten A’s on four starlight quizzes and one B!

3. Focus on what is called a growth mindset verse a fixed mindset. In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great.

Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist, and board-certified behavior analyst. Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children, supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness; recently nominated for San Diego Magazine’s Woman of the Year

 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

How to Create a Safer Internet Experience for Kids

By Anna Chin

Before diving into a discussion with your kids about the internet, open yourself to questions and provide honest, transparent answers. Kids are naturally curious, so saying, “Don’t go on the internet!” without some context will only spark their interest. Talk to them multiple times about the dangers, answer questions, and help them understand the positive benefits of the internet along with the serious risks. Here are four ways you can safeguard your children and improve their safety online.

1. Keep Personal Information off the Web. A study from Cox Communications and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children found many teens are not concerned about sharing personal information online. The majority thought posting photos or other personally identifiable information on social media was not unsafe, and nearly half were not worried about other people using their info/images in unapproved ways. Given the prevalence of Instagram, TikTok, and other social accounts, the results of the survey are unsurprising.

There’s considerable peer pressure to join and frequently post on these accounts, and their usage can cause addictive behaviors. However, all this personal data and exposure can lead to dangers. Online predators can view these accounts by pretending to be someone in the teen’s age group. Private messaging capabilities can give them easy access to start dialogues, which can then turn towards offers of in-person meetings. Encourage your kids to wait until they’re 18, and at the very least, check their social account settings to ensure they’re “private.”

2. Check Their Phone Usage. Giving your child their first phone is a big step, both for them and for your trust. The ideal age for a phone varies and depends on the maturity level of the child. Before handing out the first Android or Apple phone, talk to your kids about the expectations. Reinforce that the phone is theirs, but it’s also yours and you can check it whenever you want. Set rules for using the phone. Do they take it to school? Can they go to bed with it charging on their nightstand? Kids need structure and guidelines.

Tracking their phone usage should be a mix of checking it manually and using technology tools. Kids can of course delete inappropriate texts and Google searches, so you need to track what they’re doing. That’s where some technology comes in handy.

3. Use Tech Tools. To effectively help kids navigate the internet, you need to embrace some technology tools. Nothing complex, just some new tools that monitor your kid’s phone and computer usage. Here are a few monitoring programs worth looking into:

  • FamilyShield by OpenDNS is a tool that blocks certain inappropriate domains on your entire home network. This includes proxy servers, sexual content, and violent sites.
  • Qustodio is a parental tool for phone use that features social media tracking, smart filtering, and the ability to manage screen time remotely.
  • Kidlogger (currently just for Android) and other similar tools are useful for adding controls to usage, and seeing exactly what functions kids are doing, and what they’re typing. This and other apps allow parents to remotely view any photos the kids take, their location, and to record any incoming or outgoing calls.

There are many monitoring tools available. Do your research and read reviews to find trusted and easy-to-use services.

4. Help them Browse Safely. Kids are going to act like, well, kids. They’re unpredictable, and of course, don’t have the minds of the typical adult. They might go to Google and search up words they think are innocuous, but the results might be pornographic or violent. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people online that use coding to warp search results, so for example, a search that pulls up a site that looks like toys might lead to somewhere inappropriate. Give your kids guidance on how to search properly, and let it be known you’re open to talk if they find something inappropriate.

A great alternative to Google and other search engines is to use the family-friendly search engine GOFBA. GOFBA was established to provide users with a safe haven on the internet. It strives to eliminate pornography, violence and other inappropriate material, and constantly scans their results for fraudulent coding designed to trick users into seeing inappropriate websites. GOFBA also has secure Chat, Email, File Transfer and Storage.

Keeping kids entirely off the internet is unrealistic. Many schools use Google Classroom or other online tools that kids must utilize. All in all, there’s a time and place for internet usage; the younger the child, the more personal supervision. Safety begins by helping your kids focus on practicing good internet habits and having a better understanding of the online dangers.

Ms. Chin is the founder and visionary behind Gofba, and currently serves as the President and Chairperson of the Board of Directors. Ms. Chin began her entrepreneurial journey with the desire to create a safe haven online, a gift for generations to come, and founded Gofba with the goal of achieving this dream. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

The Most Ingenious Picky Eater Food Hack Ever

By Emilia Lewis

Photo: istock

My toddler made me feel like that first year of parenthood was the easy year, and I had a colic baby. If you have, or ever had a toddler, then you know exactly what I mean. Your toddler has probably brought you to your breaking point cause well, that’s toddlers.

One of my big breaking points was food. My toddler was the pickiest eater. People say it takes over 21 times of trying a new food before you like it. At the rate we were moving, my child might like something other than Mac and Cheese by the time she graduates college.

There is nothing more frustrating than preparing meals for your little person and then they refuse to eat any of it!

I finally decided to find someone who could help me. My friend, the expert (also a daycare and preschool teacher for over 30 years) thankfully taught me a fun game that completely changed what my toddler would try in a matter of days.

This simple, yet so smart, game made my toddler think that trying new foods was so much fun.

How Do You Play?

Introduce the game at a family meal like dinnertime and be sure to have everyone play it. Therefore, when it’s your kid’s turn, they can’t wait to partake.

Let’s say the new food is to try a piece of cucumber. Give everyone (parents included) a bite-sized piece. By making it the size of one toddler bite, you increase your chances of them actually eating it (and not spitting it back out).

Now, before starting to eat dinner, say, “Now we get to play the taste game”. Have you and your other half be very excited. Explain that everyone is going to try the same new food. “We are all going to try cucumber and decide what it tastes like.” Have a parent go first. Eat the food make funny faces and describe the taste (cold, kind of crunchy, sour, sweet, etc.).

Remember: fun and silly. Kids love to make silly faces and watch you do the same, so use this to your advantage. Ask questions about taste and texture. Is it sour? Is it crunchy? Also, ask silly questions like does the beet taste pinkalicious or purple-y?

Then ask who is next. Your toddler might decide they want to go next. Another tactic that you can use is when you ask, “Who wants to go next?” and have the other parent overly enthusiastic to go next. Then tell the parent they have to wait because it’s (toddler’s name) turn. This will make your toddler feel very special that it is their turn.

Additionally, this game gives them positive parent attention. You all watch and wait to see what the child decides it tastes like. Feel free to even ask questions. Is it hot? Is it cold?

Lastly, do not force it. You might have to play the game a few times to get your toddler to want to partake. Start with foods they will sometimes eat for you and then once they are really into the game, go for harder ones. If need be, call in the reinforcements. Have the grandparents over and have them play the game with you. If your toddler idolizes an older kid or a friend, then have them play the game too. It is amazing what some peer pressure can do.

Before you know it, they will be eating and trying all kinds of foods. They might even remind you to play the game. My toddler now asks at dinner, “What new food are we trying?”

Why Does It Work?

It might seem like just a game but what you are actually doing is something that you probably do in other aspects of your parenting. With toddlers and little kids, a big part of parenting is helping them understand new experiences and the emotions that come along with it.

This game is the same thing. By playing the game yourself, you are showing them that everyone tries new foods. You are reacting in all types of ways by making funny faces. When kids try a new food and aren’t too sure of the taste or texture, you want them to know a range of responses are okay. Instead of only two outcomes—you either like the food or you don’t—you are teaching them that the right response is whatever they feel.

So simple, but ingenious, because when the goal changes from getting them to like a new food to instead describing it, then it’s okay for it to be anything. Even gross.

Emilia is a mother of two littles who are the muses of her blog, PursueToday, where she writes about parenting and mom life. Emilia enjoys carrying her toddler on stroller walks, eating only the crust of PB&Js and bulk shopping for cheese.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement