Working mom Audrie Burkett recently faced a dilemma many working parents are all too familiar with. The vice president and COO at the Economic Development Coalition of Southwest Indiana had a busy day in front of her—and no child care.
So what did Burkett do? According to Working Mother, the working mama took her one-year-old daughter with her. And that’s when something pretty magical happened!
Burkett shared a pic and post on LinkedIn, writing, “I had two meetings that would be very difficult to miss or join by phone, and he didn’t hesitate when he told me to just bring her into the office. I knew keeping a one-year-old entertained for an entire workday would be a challenge I hadn’t faced before, but our team embraced our youngest employee of the day.”
If you’re thinking another well-meaning working mother took over mommy-ing duties for Burkett, think again. The Indiana-based COO also wrote (describing the photo she shared), “This is our president & CEO Greg Wathen pushing my daughter up and down the halls of our office while she not so gracefully snoozes.”
My mother is disabled. She has been paralyzed since she was 42 when her light-blue VW bus was struck by another vehicle while stopped at an intersection. Her body flew through the front windshield, and she was declared dead at the scene. She wasn’t. She had seven children all under 14 and we needed her. I was three.
I don’t remember much from that time, just a string of well-meaning neighbors and relatives and a lot of frozen lasagna. I do remember visiting her in the hospital on her birthday later that summer. My father had to sneak me in because no children were allowed in the ICU, and I hid under his trench coat so that no one would see me. When I saw her, she was immobilized in a hospital bed and was dressed from head to toe in pale green hospital apparel. She looked shockingly weak. I remember her smiling at me. I was afraid that she would never come home.
After months of hospitalization and rehabilitation, she did come home. The accident caused her to permanently lose the use of her right arm, left leg, diaphragm and neck mobility. Breathing was difficult, and she often became out of breath just from trying to read out loud to me. She couldn’t walk. She couldn’t cough. She couldn’t write. She couldn’t kneel. She couldn’t carry things. She couldn’t do many of the many activities that had comprised her life. And she had seven children, did I mention that?
Against all odds, as time passed, she started walking. I am not sure how it was possible, but my understanding is that she retrained different muscles in her body to compensate for those that could no longer work. At first, the walks were short, but they got progressively longer until eventually, she could poke along for several blocks. She learned to write left-handed. She learned to knit with one hand and has created countless beautiful pieces. She relearned to drive with a special knob on the steering wheel. She relearned to swim by holding on to little floaties. She is a fantastic cook and learned to utilize all manner of cool, one-handed contraptions to help her navigate her way in the kitchen. She seemed to refuse to give anything up. But all this was lost on me because I couldn’t remember her any different.
By the time I was six, I had become well-versed in pushing her wheelchair, and I would torment her by pushing her over grates that opened to the subway far below and laugh and laugh as she would shriek in fear. Sounds mean, right? But, to me, there was nothing wrong with her. I was just teasing, and she seemed to be playing along. Her disability was as normal as any mother’s slightly annoying, but endearing habit. As I got older I would push that wheelchair down bumpy, forested paths up and over all manner of tree roots and gravel. She would groan good naturedly and hold on tight with her good hand. She has been launched from that thing several times and is always trying to find a wheelchair more suitable for all-terrain travel. Just last year I pushed her through a jungle in Mexico so that we could see Mayan ruins. It can’t be comfortable, all that jostling and jarring, but she always wants to go.
I cut her no slack. She cuts herself no slack. Today she is 87.
I only have one memory of my mother before her accident. I am sitting on a metal folding seat, attached to the back of my mother’s black, clunky Schwinn. The seat is covered with a blue-plaid vinyl. It has little metal armrests and a small backrest. Not at all safe by today’s standards. My legs dangle freely below. I kick them forward and back. My mother’s legs are pedaling up and down, and her butt is in my face. It swishes a little, side to side. I don’t mind. Her efforts are creating a nice breeze, and the landscape whizzes by. Green grass, suburban lawns, huge maple trees. She is talking and laughing with my father who is on a matching bike.
I know there must be some connection between my mother’s internal drive and my quest to remain physical and engaged with life. She could have given up so many times, but she didn’t. She still doesn’t. She is hauling herself up to an island in Maine from Philadelphia for a visit again this summer. The trip involves a lot of logistics and not everything is handicapped-accessible in the little cottages she rents. Her mobility is decreasing and little tasks are getting more difficult, but she’ll be damned if she is going to stay home and sit around. She doesn’t want to miss out!
Beginning in August 2019, my son Oakley and I will cycle across America over the course of three months. Oakley is a spirited 15-year-old boy who has always struggled to fit into the confines of mainstream culture. I am Leah, his mother—and we are ready for adventure.
Now that your March basketball bracket has pretty much gone up in flames, it’s time to move on to a new bet. With Meghan Markle’s due date sometime in the not-so-distant future, it’s time to start wagering on the royal baby name—at least if you live in the United Kingdom.
While you might have your own fave name, Ladbrokes’ (a British betting company) top three picks are currently Elizabeth (5/1 odds), Diana (6/1 odds) and Victoria (8/1 odds). And yes, it seems like the odds are in favor of a girl birth—judging by the name choices.
Along with the three top girl names, the British betting public is wagering on Albert, Philip, Arthur and James as boy picks.
So how did the top names get to the first spots on the wagering list? Obviously Elizabeth and Diana are close to the royal parents-to-be hearts. Until recently the Queen’s Apr. 21 birthday was pushing Elizabeth to the front of the pack. In a press release, Ladbrokes’ Alex Apati said, “It’s no coincidence that punters backing the royal baby to be born on the Queen’s birthday are expecting Harry and Meghan to opt for ‘Elizabeth’ on the name front.”
Even the Queen’s birthday has come and gone (without a royal birth), her name is still in the number one place—at least for now!
Parents look forward to the bi-annual shifting of clocks about as much as they enjoy waking their sleepy kids for school in the morning. Lawmakers have proposed permanent Daylight Savings and later school start times as an effort to help kids get more sleep, but some experts believe the two do not go hand-in-hand.
Across the country lawmakers are considering moves to change the way we sleep by pushing for permanent Daylight Savings and delaying start times for school. The argument, for California State Assembly member Kansen Chu, is that the two changes work together to help provide more sleep for kids without losing hours in the day.
Experts, including the US Centers for Disease Control agree that school begins too early in the day and that pushing the start time could help teens get more, much-needed sleep. Adding permanent Daylight Savings ensures that there are still plenty of daylight hours left for after school activities even if school starts later, proponents argue.
Unfortunately Daylight Savings is linked to less sleep, not more, effectively cancelling out any additional sleep kids might gain from a later school start. According to new research published in the Journal of Health Economics, people who live in areas where the sun sets later go to bed later shortening the amount of time they spend sleeping an average of 19 minutes. The researchers also found these same subjects to be more sleep-deprived and in worse health overall.
So if this combo is not the answer to getting kids more rest, then what is? According to a recent study only five percent of teens follow the recommendations given for sleep, exercise and screen time. Following these guidelines properly could help everyone get the proper amount of rest without any new laws and changes.
The European Union has officially said “Bye, Felicia!” to plastic straws, voting to implement a single-use plastic ban—and glitter could be next on the chopping block.
In a nearly unanimous decision, the European Parliament recently voted for the ban on plastic straws and other single-use plastics, such as plastic cutlery, stirrers, plastic plates and balloon sticks. E.U. Countries have until 2021 to comply with the new standards. The ban also requires countries in the European Union to ensure that 25 percent of the content used to make plastic bottles must be recycled by 2025.
Other plastic items that won’t be banned—such as the packaging for wet wipes—must include a label warning consumers that the product contains plastic that can be harmful to the environment.
Environmental advocates are pushing for the ban to extend to other items including glitter, as most glitter is made with plastic. Scientists support this move by noting that glitter is a microplastic that not only ends up being ingested by marine animals, but it can in turn be consumed by humans eating seafood.
When raising a teenager, you have to get your balancing game on. You learn to be firm but not inflexible, you learn to give them freedom but also set boundaries and you learn when to tighten the reins and when to give them some slack. Most of all, you have to balance being encouraging without overly pressuring them.
I got to thinking about that last part, especially as it pertains to academic success. Like most parents, I want my teens to attain top grades, secure places in top colleges and go on to excel in life. However, I started questioning my methods—especially as studies revealed that an overwhelming number of teens are now suffering from depression and anxiety caused partly by the pressure they feel to succeed academically.
While I believe that a little stress and discomfort are a key part of building grit and resilience in teens, too much of it is debilitating. I found a delicate balance between encouraging my teens and pushing too hard by:
Learning their personalities.
I found that working with my teen’s strengths and interests, especially when it came to extracurricular activities produced much better results. My daughter, for instance, isn’t into sports. So instead of pushing her to join the track team, I encouraged her to do what interested her which turned out to be writing for the school paper.
Making them part of the conversation.
We parents are often guilty of making most academic decisions on behalf of our teens instead of trusting them to do it. I decided to do things differently by involving my teens—I asked their opinions on their schoolwork and listened to the solutions they felt would work in improving their grades, e.g., getting a math tutor for my son and helping my daughter form a study group.
Redefining what “success” meant.
It turns out that my expectations were stressing my teens out. I wanted them to go to certain colleges, take part in various extracurricular activities and take certain subjects. They, however, didn’t agree and we clashed. I had to take a step back, examine my expectations and redefine what my kids’ success really looked like so I could stop pressuring them.
Learning not to use fear as a motivator.
I used to often employ fear as a way to motivate my teens with statements like, “If you don’t study you’ll end up failing and missing your college cut-off grades” and issuing all kinds of warnings. I thought that this would spur them into action but fear only had the opposite effect.
My teens ended up feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Instead of motivating them, I stifled their curiosity and the fear of failing and letting me down kept them from trying new things.
Finally, through trial and error, I found out that being a supportive, caring and an empathetic parent went a long way towards helping my teens cope with the pressures of academic life. Once they realized that I was on their side and was willing to help them attain their goals, they put more effort into their studies.
Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.
Raising kids can easily be equated with growing flowers: they both require nurturing to thrive, but the type of flower also makes a big difference in what that nurturing looks like. According to an expert, the same is true for different types of kids, and he has an answer to the question what’s an “orchid” child and how do you raise one?
Dr. Thomas Boyce, an emeritus professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, is the author of a new book titled The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why Some Children Struggle and How All Can Thrive. He was interviewed recently on NPR’s Fresh Air where he explains that the majority of kids can be classified as “dandelions” because they are generally able to cope with stress and challenges in a healthy way.
Orchid children, on the other hand, are more sensitive to both good and bad environments. They have biological reactions to their experiences which makes it difficult to cope with stress. Boyce conducted research in a laboratory setting to observe primary stress response systems in kids. One test measured the stress hormone cortisol and the other looked at the autonomic nervous system, otherwise known as the “fight-or-flight” system.
“We found that there were huge differences (among) children,” Boyce told NPR. “There were some children at the high end of the spectrum who had dramatic reactivity in both the cortisol system and the fight-or-flight system, and there were other children who had almost no biological response to the challenges that we presented to them.”
Boyce recommends that parents of orchid children can help their kids by being supportive and not trying to change them. They should also encourage their kids to try to move outside of their comfort zone. He told NPR, “I think that this is probably the most difficult parenting task in raising an orchid child. The parent of an orchid child needs to walk this very fine line between, on the one hand, not pushing them into circumstances that are really going to overwhelm them and make them greatly fearful, but, on the other hand, not protecting them so much that they don’t have experiences of mastery of these kinds of fearful situations.”
For many parents, teaching your child how to ride a bike is a rite of passage. Sometimes it’s a breeze: some kids just seem to “get on and ride.” But if your child isn’t making progress you may feel guilty, frustrated or helpless—especially if a sibling learned easily or if the clock is ticking for a summer camp where kids get around on their bikes. This article explores tools (toys), techniques and resources to help you succeed.
First: Is Your Child Ready?
Bicycling instructors simplify the task by first teaching two-wheel balance, then using that foundation to add pedaling. How early can a child learn to balance? Some say, “when they can stand on one leg for 10 seconds.” Some use a “Joules Test” that gauges a side-reaching response:
1. Stand about a yard away, facing your child. Tell her to hold her feet still.
2. Toss a small soft object past her side, far enough out that she needs to move her upper body to reach (remember, feet stay put). Repeat and observe.
3. If she reacts in less than a second, she may have the coordination to balance a bike.
What Type of Bike Should My Kids Use to Learn How to Ride?
Here are some useful toys that develop handling skills for two-wheel biking.
Tricycles teach pedaling, though they don’t teach two-wheel balance or leaning into turns. But just like on a two-wheel bike that can lean, the rider’s arms must cooperate to steer.
Tri-wheel micro scooters have a tilting platform with two front wheels, a rear wheel with a friction brake, no seat and a T-shaped steering handle that makes the platform tilt toward the turn. Kids as young as 18 months can enjoy these. The way the scooter turns is similar to two-wheel bicycling, though the rider is standing.
Two-wheel kick scooters, first popularized by the Razor brand, are similar but have a single front wheel, so the balance experience is a bit more like a bicycle.
Balance Bikes, a.k.a. “glider” or “strider” bikes, have no cranks or pedals. These can fit kids as young as two. Their low seat lets riders reach the ground easily with both feet flat and knees bent. The rider learns to “scoot” by striding and “glide” by raising their feet a bit. They don’t teach pedaling but do lean to turn, just like pedal bikes.
A conventional bike of any size can become a balance bike for a rider of any age if its seat can be set low enough to enable the scoot-and-glide action. Just remove both pedals. Balance bikes without hand brakes are recommended only for flat or slightly inclined surfaces.
What to Know about Brakes & Safe Stopping
For both balance bikes and conventional bikes with pedals removed for learning, a hand brake lever is very useful. If the bike has just one it should operate the rear brake (the front can grab too strongly for a new rider) and should be installed on the right handlebar. For safe stops, teach the rider to brace both arms (extend firmly against the handlebars) before braking—this tends to prevent toppling.
Many kids pedal-bikes have a back-pedal, a.k.a. “coaster” brake—but with pedals removed, it isn’t available! Coaster brakes also require pushing down with one foot only on the pedal that’s behind you, which is less intuitive than squeezing a lever.
What about Training Wheels?
That name has led countless parents to purchase them, though they are more like bicycle “crutches.” They teach the brain to balance while leaning even while riding straight and prevent experiencing how a bike and your body lean together into turns. A child who has “mastered” training wheels must un-learn this crooked balance in order to get the feel of two-wheel gliding and more than a few get stuck trying.
Teach Like a Pro
Rather than training wheels, try this method that instructors have refined in thousands of private lessons with kids, teens and adults. It’s largely fall-proof, if safe stopping is taught first.
Find a wide, level or slightly inclined paved area with few obstacles and few or no distractions. A sidewalk or trail is way too narrow.
Lower the seat so both feet (including heels) can be flat on the ground with knees slightly bent
Remove both pedals (and training wheels)
Use the “chair posture”: sit up straight, extend arms like big springs, pushing the handlebars outward firmly but not rigidly, like pushing against the edge of a table while seated
Glide smoothly—keep sit-bones connected to the saddle without bouncing
Keep the bike basically upright; try not to lean your upper body side-to-side when you touch the ground with your shoe
When the bike starts to lean, gently look and steer in that direction, moment by moment. (We call this “steering into the lean”, which sounds counter-intuitive—but it works!)
Glide wherever the bike “wants to go”—at this stage the goal is longer glides, not straight lines
When the glides starts to last several seconds, encourage your child to count or sing (e.g. their ABCs) which helps to keep the glide going and avoid touch the ground.
When glides are consistently around 10 seconds, install the pedals.
It’s okay to demonstrate, but avoid pushing or pulling the bike. Instead, let the child “own” the control and balance. Be patient—glides may start short but will get longer as the brain discovers how a bike responds. And every learner is different.
Help is available! Just as with skiing, swimming or tennis—or evenlearning a musical instrument—it’s well worth considering professional help. For children learning to ride for the first time or wanting to build confidence on basic skills useful on and off the street, private lessons are available from “League Certified Instructors” (LCIs) trained by the League of American Bicyclists through its national Smart Cycling program.
Lessons can help students of all ages build skills and confidence faster, learn proper techniques from the start and understand the how and why of all the building-blocks. We hope this information will help you grow your bicycling family and enjoy two-wheeled adventures!
Avid cyclist since college and a Marin mom since 1998. I became a Cycling Instructor for the League of American Bicyclists in 2006 and joined Bicycle Solutions as their expert cycling coach for Southern Marin. I'm an Au Pair coordinator and editor, do long distance swimming, perform with Singers Marin, cook, speak French and Spanish and race sailboats.
California is already among the most progressive states when it comes to providing parental leave, but if Gov. Gavin Newsom’s new paid parental leave policy goes into action, it will be the best in the country.
Last week, Newsom revealed his budget plan for the state of California. Among its initiatives, he plans to spend the state’s surplus on is a new parental leave policy that would offer parents six months of paid time off to bond with their new babies. In 2002, California became the first state to offer paid parental leave. The California Paid Family Leave provides up to six weeks of partial pay to employees (both women and men) in order to take time off when they welcome a new baby, either through birth or adoption.
Under Newsom’s new plan the paid leave would be extended to six months, although not per parent. Previously each parent was able to take six weeks for a combined four months. “It’s a developmental necessity,” Newsom said in a press conference. “We’re committed to this.”
We’ll have to wait to find out if this new policy will actually get enacted, but if so, it could hopefully be the first step in pushing other states towards similar policies.
You did everything you were supposed to. You went to college, got a degree. You went to grad school, got another degree. You got a job. Or maybe just a kind-of-sort-of paying internship. And before you knew it you were pushing 30 and hadn’t even come close to meeting the love of your life. Your biological clock was tick, tick, ticking away and you started gobbling up every piece of info on when baby-making starts to become…umm, less possible. Well, you may have more time than you thought.
Come on, you’ve heard it all. Everyone says 35 is the age when your fertility takes a nose dive. So as you near that mid-30s mark you start panicking. Hold on just a moment. As it turns out, you may have more fertility time than you thought. Forty might be the new 35 in terms of getting preggo.
Okay, so by age 37-ish it does seem that getting (and staying) pregnant becomes more of a challenge. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, or even improbable. Looking at the stats from the CDC’s birth rates, younger women in their early 20s hit a record low in 2015. Likewise, the rates for mamas in their late 20s also declined. But the number of births for women in their 30s and early 40s rose.
While no one is saying that you should put off even thinking about having a baby until you’re fab and 40, that biological clock of yours just might have more time on it.
How old were you when you had your first baby? Tell us in the comments below.
