LEGO keeps upping the ante! The new LEGO World Art Map is a legit work-of-art wall piece and at 11,695 elements, it contains the most pieces ever included in a set in the LEGO Group’s history.
Even better, it comes with customizable brick-built pins to mark destinations you’ve already visited or future travel spots. With 40 interconnecting base plates, it can be arranged in three different ways so you can highlight your own favorite part of the world. You can also arrange the oceans to your liking, following the bathymetric mapping of the ocean floor in the instructions or creating your own water patterns.
Fitting of any art piece, the set includes a coffee table style instruction booklet, a white brick frame and two hanging elements so you can add it wherever you like. Of course, you’ll have to complete it first and at 25.5 inches high and 40.5 inches wide, your masterpiece will take some time. To set the mood, this product also includes an accompanying soundtrack with stories from travel experts.
Ready to buy for an upcoming break? The LEGO Art World Map will be available online starting Jun. 1 and at other retailers on Aug. 1. It’s $249.99 and it will definitely be a talking point for all of your future guests. Flex your building muscles and get ready to map your travels in a whole new way!
I have always been a dog lover. I grew up with a rotating pack of dogs who were way more than pets — they were true members of our family. They went on roadtrips with us, slept in our beds, and joined us on vacations. My mom even used to make us get off the sofa for our dogs. (but now where do WE sit?!)
So naturally, I knew my kids would grow up with furry siblings. What I didn’t realize was what they would take away from these relationships. Beyond the obvious benefits of love and companionship, my kids have learned some key life lessons from our dogs.
1. You Can’t Control Everything
This is a big one. The earlier we learn this lesson, the better we are able to handle life’s setbacks and curveballs. When there’s a dog in the house, anything goes.
She chewed your Barbie doll? Probably shouldn’t have left it in the middle of your floor. You were startled when she jumped up on you as you walked in the door? Then assert yourself, and teach her to stay down while she greets you.
Yes, kids like predictability.
But here’s the thing — life is unpredictable. From a young age our kids have stepped in dog poop in the yard (no worries, we’ll clean it up), had toys chewed by teething puppies (a good reminder to put your things away), and have had to maneuver through a maze of dogs when visiting relatives (just let them sniff your hand and say ‘hello,’ then they’ll leave you alone.)
Being around dogs has taught them that things might not always go as planned, and that’s ok.
2. Spend Time Outside Everyday
In this day in age, it’s easy for our kids to go from school, to extra-curricular activities, to homework or screen time, to bed. The benefits of playing outside, or even just going for a short walk, are plentiful. One of the many benefits is emotional well-being.
As Thetrek.co states: “Spending time in nature has been linked to improved attention span, boosts in serotonin, and shows increased activity in the parts of the brain responsible for empathy, emotional stability, and love.”
When there’s a dog who needs to exercise, it’s an instant excuse for kids to be outdoors. Whether it’s throwing a ball in the backyard, taking a walk around the block, or going for a hike in a nearby park, your dog’s need for daily exercise gets your kids outside too. And if that time outside results in clear-headed kids and an exhausted dog, well then it’s a win for parents too!
3. The Importance of Keeping A Loved One’s Memory Alive
For most kids, their first experience with death is that of a pet. When our first two dogs passed away, the kids were devastated, and so were we. It lead to a lot of questions about illness, aging, and what happens when we die. We had a lot of conversations, and one of the big takeaways was that it’s important to talk about these things.
We are constantly talking about the ways our new dog reminds us of our old ones, and remembering funny things they used to do when they were still alive. Learning the importance of talking about and remembering those who are no longer with us will hopefully help them as they grow up and inevitably have to face the loss of family and friends.
4. What You Put into A Relationship is What You Get Out of It
The more affectionate the kids are with our dog, the more attention she gives them. Her excitement when they get home from school, her presence at their games, and her snuggles on the couch, makes them feel appreciated and valued. In return, they read to her, play with her, and generally show her the same unconditional love she shows them.
I hope this teaches them that love is a two way street. In all of their relationships, whether it be with friends, family or spouses, the love they show for others and the way they care for them, will only enhance the love and care they get in return.
The relationship our kids have with our dog will be a defining part of their childhood; she will be what they miss when they go off to college. I know that they will carry the lessons she has taught, and continues to teach, throughout their lives. And for that I’m grateful.
Love pets as much as we do?
Tinybeans, the app that allows you to upload and share photos and videos of your little ones with anyone you choose and no one you don’t, has teamed up with Hill's Pet Nutrition to allow users to add a pet! You can create a profile for your four-legged friend, share their photos and videos, receive milestone markers for them and see recommended articles based on your pet’s age and stage.
Up for a challenge? Create a pet profile today, and see if you can add a new memory each day this month. Your furball will love the added attention, and you'll love the fun photos you can look back on!
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I'm Missy, a mother of three and a middle school drama teacher at a private school. I'm obsessed with my Vizsla (dog), traveling, and the musical Hamilton. I also enjoy writing and sharing fun parenting stories, which is what brought me here.
From how we buy groceries to the way we teach our kids to the ways we bond as a family, technology is now a huge part of our day-to-day lives—and our kids’ lives. Navigating the digital playground can be confusing for parents anytime, but it’s been especially complicated over the past year. According to a study done by Google, 2 in 5 parents do not feel confident to have The Tech Talk with their kids discussing topics like online safety and wellbeing, screen time, discovering quality content and more.
The online world can be an intimidating place for parents, but it can also bring families closer together. The same study by Google also found that 42% of families discovered new passions and activities online and that 25% of families surveyed grew closer to family and friends through video calls. The keys to using tech as a positive tool in your family: building healthy habits and teaching your kids how to stay safe online. Here are some tips for improving your family’s digital wellbeing from our friends at Google.
Make the Conversation Engaging
Kids (and adults) are drawn to technology that keeps us engaged, whether that's entertaining us, teaching us something or helping us connect with others. Google Families has tons of tips to help parents have a family tech talk that'll resonate with their kids, including tips on talking to kids about their interests to find the best apps and games for them, teaching kids about healthy screentime by showing them the tools you can use to monitor their tech usage and much more. To help kids navigate online safety, Google also created a free online game that is both fun and informative. Interland lets your child control a character that explores the different lands that teach them how to Be Internet Awesome. As they explore places like Mindful Mountain, they'll learn about sharing with care and being kind online.
Make It Age-Appropriate
If your child is too young to have social media accounts, talking to them about being intentional in what they post may not resonate with them just yet. Start the conversation by asking your child how they feel about technology: What do they think of using computers for learning? What apps or websites do their friends talk about? Have they seen people post unkind things online, and what do they think about them? Asking open-ended questions will help you lead the conversation in a way that resonates with them and their current interests. Once you’ve figured out what to talk about, families.google has loads of resources to figure out how to talk about these topics.
Make It About Balance
Between school, work, connecting with others and entertainment, some tech time is inevitable. What’s important is to make sure we’re creating a healthy relationship with our technology and balancing online and offline activities. According to a survey done by Google, 3 in 5 parents allowed increased screen time for kids over the last year. Each family’s balance with technology will look different, and families.google has helpful tools to help you decide what works best for your family! To get started, check out Google's digital wellbeing guide or practice finding balance with the new Headspace Breathers series for families.
Many toddlers have speech delays. But sometimes, a speech delay is a symptom of something bigger—like autism.
Back in the late 1990s when my first-born son, Lucas, was diagnosed with autism, the rate was 1 in 500. Today autism is diagnosed in approximately 1 in 50 children. And 1 in every 6 children in the US is diagnosed with a developmental disorder including autism, ADHD, speech disorders, and learning disabilities.
Symptoms of these developmental disorders can look similar in very young children. So if you’re concerned about delays in a toddler, you are not alone.
Lucas started showing signs of autism shortly after his first birthday and was eventually diagnosed with autism the day before he turned three in 1999. Since then, I transformed from a confused parent to a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, online course creator, and best-selling author of two books including my latest: Turn Autism Around: An Action Guide for Parents of Young Children with Early Signs of Autism.
While I can’t diagnose autism, I have extensive training and experience in looking for early signs of autism versus “just” a speech delay in young children. And no matter what the diagnosis is or might be in the future, there is a lot you can do starting today to help catch your child up as much as possible.
Here are some skills and deficits to consider when trying to determine if it might be autism:
Speech Delays
Children with speech delays and those who have a diagnosis of autism have delays with expressive language or talking. For babies, they may not babble and reach their arms up to indicate they want to be held. By 12 or 18 months of age, toddlers might not use words or they might label numbers and letters but not say more functional words such as mama or juice. And for preschoolers, they may not talk in two-and three-word phrases and eventually in sentences.
Receptive Language Delays
Children who are delayed with talking can also be delayed with understanding language or have a receptive language delay. If a child isn’t talking as much as is expected but also doesn’t follow simple directions to touch their head or get their shoes, it’s probably a mixed expressive-receptive language delay which is more concerning to professionals who diagnose autism.
Pointing
I never realized how important pointing was, but it’s a critical gesture. By about 18 months of age, children should be pointing with their index finger for things that they want like juice or a toy and also pointing to get your attention to look in the sky, for example, when an airplane flies overhead.
Play & Imitation
In addition to looking at pointing and language skills, it’s also important to assess play and imitation skills. Does your child play with a variety of toys or is he focused on one object or toy? Is your child’s play repetitive? For instance, does your child spend a long time stacking blocks, spinning things, or lining up objects over and over? And finally, since young children learn language and play skills through imitation, we need to assess imitation skills. If these imitation skills are delayed or absent, this could be a sign of autism.
The Good News
Regardless if your child is delayed only in expressive language or if he is already diagnosed with severe autism, you as a parent can learn to detect and treat delays and help your child to catch up as much as possible.
In my book, I share the 4-step child-friendly system I’ve developed over the last two decades based on the science of Applied Behavior Analysis and Verbal Behavior. My goal is to empower parents to learn proven strategies to help their children talk or talk more, decrease tantrums and improve sleep, eating, and potty training. You can also use the strategies in the book to teach pointing, imitation, play, and social skills.
Now that you know the early warning signs of autism and you also know that a roadmap is available, it’s time to start turning things around for your child. There’s no need to wait, worry, or panic. You have the power to change the trajectory of your child’s life, starting today!
Dr. Mary Barbera is a mom to a son with autism and is also a behavior analyst and best-selling author. In her latest book, Turn Autism Around, Mary teaches parents how to use simple but proven strategies to increase language and decrease tantrums in children with autism or speech delays.
As adults, we have all experienced a crash course in climate change—whether we sought it out of our own volition or not. And while the concepts of global warming haven’t come without controversy, more and more messages related to climate change are hitting the mainstream every day. From the (almost daily) news, to political debates, to simply experiencing the weather outside, the complex and sometimes controversial topic of climate change has become part of our everyday world. In fact, as many as 1 in 5 Americans recall being exposed to climate change-related media messaging at least once a week, and 70% of Americans now agree that climate change is real.
As we struggle to improve our own climate literacy, the inundation of messaging on the topic has made it more important than ever to start the conversation about climate change and global warming with our children. As parents, we hope to rely on our children’s academic curriculum when it comes to science education, but in the U.S., these conversations need to start at home. While countries like the U.K. have started to integrate climate change into the school curriculum, the U.S. has yet to do the same. It is up to us as parents to develop a toolbox and framework for walking our children through this topic, with the goal of mitigating anxiety and promoting action and hope. Our children are the next line of defense, and as the incumbent generation of stewards for our planet, knowing how to have meaningful conversations with them about global warming and the impacts of climate change is more imperative than ever before.
While simple ideas such as reduce, reuse and recycle have been the go-to concepts for introducing our children to their role in the environment around them—and engaging them with a call to action—it is time for us to go deeper into teaching them the causes, consequences and potential solutions to protecting our climate. But where do you begin? While it may seem as daunting as climate change itself, focusing on simple, empowering and hopeful age-appropriate conversations is the best way to begin. Only you truly understand your child, so feel free to adjust these tips and guidelines based on your own child’s knowledge and sensitivity to these topics.
Keep it simple, basic and relatable.
While climate change is a macro issue, when it comes to your kids, keep it micro. Focus on your own household, neighborhood, and school first. Model eco-friendly behaviors at home, and take the time to explain WHY you are adopting these behaviors. Not only does this engage your child and give them ownership and accountability, but these behaviors create the perfect opportunity to reiterate the positive impact your child is already having on climate change. Habits such as recycling, eliminating single-use plastics and plastic bags, energy conservation in the home, composting and gardening are all great ways to get your child to participate and keep them engaged. Integrate interactive toys and learning games into your child’s play, such as Yowie, that are designed to teach and empower children about conservation in a fun, memorable, and age-appropriate way. There are even a number of children’s books available that can really help you build climate literacy together with your child.
Encourage them to take action and embrace personal responsibility.
One of the best ways to mitigate the anxiety many children have as they learn more about the severity of climate change is to keep them empowered and engaged. When they feel their personal behaviors are making an impact, they can feel a little more at ease about climate change. As parents, it is our job to recognize and reward these behaviors as they develop and become part of your lifestyle. It can be as simple as opting to walk or ride a bike to the park over driving, or taking public transportation. The opportunities to point out and recognize how their behaviors create a positive impact are all around us.
Talk about what it means to be a global citizen.
No one knows your child better than you, so when you think the time is right, you can expand the conversation to teach your child what it means to be a global citizen. Get them involved in the community, teach them about your local and state governments, and the roles they play when it comes to civic duty. Start talking with them about how the impacts they are making at home may seem small, but have a lasting, profound effect on our entire planet. Teach them about regions of the world, such as the Amazon, and other ecosystems that need protecting. Find their passion (for example, animals, the ocean, the rainforest, etc.), and encourage them to explore ways they would like to make an even bigger difference.
Keep the avenues for talking about climate change open.
When it comes to talking about climate change with her 10-year old daughter, science journalist Michelle Nijhuis recommends a similar approach to other challenging topics (sex education, as an example). “As a parent, I approach the subject of climate change much like I approach the subject of sex: While I answer all questions, without hesitation and in full, I make sure not to answer more questions than I’m asked.” By letting your child lead the conversation, you can make sure you are keeping the education level exactly where they are comfortable.
And while few of us see ourselves as experts on the topic, there are amazing resources available, such as those developed by NASA and PBS to partner with parents and families and guide us all on our journey towards climate literacy. NASA’s climate website for children is a great resource for educating children and their parents alike.
Cynthia Thayer is the Global Chief Marketing Officer of Yowie Group. She has over 25 years of marketing expertise in key areas including brand architecture development, market research, consumer packaged goods advertising across traditional and digital channels, retail and shopper marketing, licensing, toy design and new product development.
I’m Shannon and this is how autism helped me find myself. My true self. I’m the proudest boy mom to the two most amazing boys. One of those boys was diagnosed with autism two years ago and completely changed everything I thought I knew about myself and autism.
The day our “Adventure in Autism” started was the darkest day of my life. I felt like I was being forced to go on a journey I didn’t want to go on. I did everything I could to keep from boarding that plane. I tried for the longest to keep that plane from taking off. I just knew this flight we were reluctantly on was headed to crash and burn. I feared the label, autism, more than anything I had ever feared before. I had feelings of shame. Despair. Loneliness. I talked about autism only when I had to. I never openly told anyone my son was autistic unless they asked. I thought that with enough therapy we would cure autism right away. It would be gone as quickly as it had appeared. No one would ever have to know. I cried at the sight of puzzle pieces and I only acknowledged autism during the month of April.
Through all the resistance our journey continued. Day after day. Month after month. Autism was still there, but so was my son. The son I knew before the diagnosis. The son I had fell so in love with since the first days our eyes met. I started to see that autism had always been there, even in the moments that I had put my blinders on. I quickly came to the realization to not love and accept autism was to not love or accept my son.
Day after day, I started to open up little by little. But I was still very guarded. See autism can be a very controversial and confusing world to an outsider like myself. I never thought our hard was “hard enough” and I didn’t think we were worthy. My son was diagnosed with Level 1.High functioning. He could talk. He played with other kids. He made progress. Everyone I associated with autism had it so much worse than us. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t want to offend anyone. Puzzle piece or infinity symbol? My son has autism or is an autistic? High functioning? Labels? Was I suppose to celebrate the month of April? Was I a bad parent because I worshipped ABA and all the therapies? I kept quiet. I talked about the good things about autism. My new perspective. My journey to acceptance. The progress my son made. The beauty that this journey had shown me thus far. Every time I got the urge to speak about our hard, I shoved it down. I buried it. I continued to show the Disney side of autism. That’s what people wanted to hear about right? People didn’t want to hear the negative. And then my son regressed.
I watched everything we had worked so hard for the past year disappear slowly. I tried to grasp and hold on to our world as I watched it fall apart. I had found myself once again in a dark place on this journey. Except this darkness was different. This darkness was darker than any black hole. Lonelier than any feeling of isolation I had experienced previously. The presence of even the smallest glimmer of light was absent. The sheer hopelessness of our new reality engulfed me. And so I got mad. Mad at this journey. Mad once again at autism. Or so I thought.
I quickly realized it wasn’t autism that the source of my anger was me. It was me.I was so very angry with myself. I realized that I had created my current reality. I was the one who stayed quiet. I was the one who didn’t think our story was worthy. I was the one that stayed submissive about our journey. I sadly realized that the current reality I found myself in, darkness, loneliness, and isolation, could be my son’s forever reality if the world stayed the way it was.
And so I started talking. I started sharing our worthy story. I started talking about the hard. I started processing my feelings through writing. Our world was still very hard. Sharing our story didn’t have any change that. But I started to notice that I was less and less alone. People willingly boarded the plane with us and joined our adventure. That darkness that I talked about earlier, I started that see a glimmer of light way off in the distance. I finally started to feel our story was worthy. I finally felt we were seen. Seen by my parents. Family. Friends. Other moms. Special needs moms. Moms that had a hard way harder than ours. I started to see that people saw my son in a different light. They saw his challenges, his victories. They were able to celebrate with us! That beautiful perspective autism had shown me early in our journey, I had selfishly kept that to myself.
Now that I was sharing our truth, others were able to see the beauty of this journey through our hard. They were able to join us on our adventure. They wanted to join us on this journey. And so I continued talking. And now a day hasn’t gone by where I don’t talk about our journey. I use to not be able to say the word autism. It was too painful. But what no one told me on that dark day two years ago is how this adventure would not only be an adventure about my son, it would be an adventure that would lead me to myself. My true self. Someone who isn’t ashamed anymore. Someone who speaks up for those that are different so they never have to feel less. Someone who knows the worth of her son and what he deserves. Someone not afraid to share and talk about the hard. Because it’s in the hard, that I truly found myself. My entire life was changed two years ago by one word. But it’s the best change that could have happened to me. It’s a change that I needed in the worst way. It’s a change that more people in this world today need. And for that reason, I will continue to talk and share. I won’t keep quiet. Because it’s the ones that are the most resistant on this journey that need that change the most.
Shannon is a proud boy mom, Hairstylist, and passionate Autism Advocate. She lives in New Orleans, Louisiana with her two sons Murphy (5) and Merrick (2). Murphy was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. Follow her family as they journey through Autism together on Adventures in Autism with Murphy Facebook and Instagram page.
You’re an outgoing college grad who is totally into travel and enjoys talking about nuts—Planters peanuts, that is. Whether you’ve always wanted to tour the country in a giant peanut or you’re just really, really into Planters products, the iconic brand has a job for you.
According to the official Planters NUTmobile Instagram page, the over-sized peanut on wheels needs a driver. As if driving a massive nut from coast to coast wasn’t enough, the job also comes with plenty of perks.
The paid Planters spokesperson will get the chance to plan and attend special events and will act as a spokesperson, making television and radio appearances. Along with these job duties, the chosen NUTmobile drivers will manage social media and create content for Instagram and Twitter.
So what is Planters looking for in a NUTmobile driver/peanut spokesperson? The Kraft Heinz website (the parent brand behind Planters) notes the right candidate for the job is, “Is an outgoing, creative, friendly, exuberant, and ‘always-on’ college graduate with an appetite for adventure and desire to see the world through the windshield of a giant legume.”
To learn more about this position with Planters, visit the Kraft Heinz website here.
Starting today and available exclusively on Amazon Kids+ on compatible Echo devices, kiddos can now ask Alexa to open Frozen Sing! and Star Wars: C-3PO Translates! The two new features join a slew of others that include Disney, Pixar, Star Wars,and Marvel-themed skills.
First up, say “Alexa, open Frozen Sing!” and choose from 10 popular songs from Disney’s Frozen and Frozen 2. Get up to par in “Rehearsal Mode” before making it count in “Spotlight Mode” where kids can sing without lyrics or have the option to use high or low volume lyrics.
If you have an Alexa screened devices, you’ll get visuals for each song and a visual congratulations at the end of each performance.
Always wonder what Chewbacca was saying? Now just say, “Alexa, open C-3PO Translates!” to learn tons of alien languages from the Star Wars galaxy.
This skill is hosted by C-3PO and SD-89 and teaches key phrases in Shyriiwook and Droidspeak. Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, try talking with the characters in their native language. You can even try beeping it up with R2-D2 and BB-8!
To instill the new skills just open the Alexa app on your and tap the menu icon at the top-left. Then, open the top menu and tap “Skills & Games,” then the magnifying glass icon to search for the skill, and finally tap “enable to use.”
We all have met that certain someone in life who never seems to lose their sh*t. Recognize them? Everything is always fine, they never encounter a challenge, and they always remark about how extraordinarily wonderful everything is. They are quite possibly the worst humans on the planet.
The worst is when these people are also mothers. You know who I am talking about. They have perfect children who never cry and even if they do it doesn’t bother them in the least. They are never fazed by the stressors of mothering and they look at you like you are an alien when you tell them that you want to find new living arrangements for your youngest child. I have come to the conclusion that these individuals fall into one of three categories:
1. They are completely delusional
2. They are really good liars or
3. They are always drunk
I remember the days. And if you are a reasonable, intelligent person you will agree that you know what I’m talking about. The glitter of life had totally worn off. Tired doesn’t begin to describe it.
The days when both kids are sick and you need to give an eighteen-month-old baby a breathing treatment. That task is about as easy as licking your own armpit and truly just about as beneficial. The demands of mothering wear on you. There were days when I was so tired and lacking excitement about my own life.
I know you know. It’s usually right about the time when you have reached your limit of how many surfaces within your home can tolerate a smearing of tomato sauce. Or when the littlest decides she doesn’t need a nap, but even the mail carrier can see she needs one. In the time it takes to heat up dinner, the other one manages to effectively stop the dishwasher cycle, inappropriately text family members, and set the television language to Spanish.
There is no joy. On days like this there is just no joy.
Even now, as my kids have grown older, I can easily admit that not every day is joy-filled. As soon as I think I’m about to have my house tidied up, I hear the crash and burn. Sometimes I am not interested in hearing about suspension bridges. For crap’s sake, it would be nice to, for once, not step on a Lego while walking to the kitchen.
I hold tight to the fact that I know I’m not the only one. I am not alone in the challenge of mothering. I continue to remind myself that this is not forever— feeling this way will pass. It always does. It may take a little work but if I look hard enough I can always find the joy.
The truth is, the joy is never really gone. It just gets hidden under all of the crap we encounter during the day. It’s tucked away somewhere between a unicorn pillow pet and a left-over Buddy Fruit. Some days we just have to take a minute and look for it.
I found it.
Granted, I had to look rather hard for it, but I did find it. I knew it wasn’t gone forever I just had to open myself up to it. I found it when my daughter looked at me and earnestly asked
“What are instant cookies?” I hugged her and began to dance. She was confused. “It means we bake! It means you don’t know what slice and bake cookies are because you and I bake! We really bake!”
I found it when I saw my son sitting in a chair that he wasn’t supposed to be in, looking ever so quite proud. I’m sure he’s thinking, ‘Lady, I single-handedly made irreversible changes to your television. I can handle the chair. Relax.” That may not have been what he was actually thinking but what he said to me was, “Mamma.”
Melanie Forstall is a full-time mother, full-time wife, full-time teacher, and never-enough-time blogger at Melanie Forstall: Stories of Life, Love, and Mothering. She holds a doctorate in education and yet those many years of schooling have proved to be utterly useless when it comes to actual mothering.
Choosing to get a divorce is one of the most difficult decisions you can make in your life—especially when kids are involved. Regardless of their age, you want to protect them at all costs and ensure the entire process goes as smoothly as possible. Of course, this is much easier said than done, as you may well know. Aside from the legal aspects, there are emotional and parenting issues you have to deal with. At times, these can be more taxing than the financial and contractual details. However, as impossible as it may seem right now, there are ways to care for yourself and your kids as you navigate this tumultuous time in your life. Here are some tips to help you make it through and become an even stronger mama in the process.
1. Give Yourself Time
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your kids is to give yourself time to process your emotions. It’s completely natural to experience panic, confusion, sadness, anger, and a slew of other feelings as you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is ending. In fact, you’ll likely go through the stages of grief as you move forward, eventually reaching acceptance. However, as painful as the process is, it’s best not to rush it. Sit with the pain and allow yourself to break down when you aren’t on mom duty. You’re human too, after all. You deserve to explore those complicated emotions without feeling the need to suppress them 24/7.
2. Don’t Go It Alone
While alone time is essential in processing your emotions, it’s equally important to find others with whom you can confide. Up until this point, it’s likely your husband was the one with whom you would share your thoughts and feelings. Now, you must trust close friends, relatives, or a therapist with the most vulnerable parts of yourself. Of course, opening up to others can be frightening and uncomfortable. However, talking to someone else may provide you a fresh perspective or prevent you from running back to a toxic relationship for the sake of your kids. You might also consider joining a support group so you can be with others who are currently going through or have been through a divorce.
3. Become a United Front
A lack of communication is one of the most common reasons couples seek divorce. However, when it comes time to inform the kids of your decision, you must be able to speak with one another and become a united front before talking to your children. After all, this decision involves both of you, so you should both be present when telling the kids. Moreover, your little ones will likely feel more comfortable and safe if you’re both there to explain things. Prepare for questions and make sure you and your spouse agree on the reasoning behind the divorce so you can answer them clearly and concisely.
4. Avoid Trash Talk
During that first conversation with your kids and throughout the divorce process, avoid trash-talking your spouse. Even if their actions or words were the reason for the divorce, it’s best not to drag them through the mud in front of your children. Your kids don’t need to know all the details of the divorce and, in the end, you still want them to respect both you and their father. Plus, you don’t want your little ones to feel like they have to choose a side—especially when you’re trying to protect them from the messiness of divorce. If your partner is trash-talking you, let your actions speak for themselves and resist the urge to defend yourself. Doing so will only fan the flames and give your kids more reason to turn against one of you.
5. Don’t Make Your Kids Messengers
Even before the divorce is final it isn’t uncommon for you or your spouse to move out and begin splitting time with the kids. If you continue to share custody of the children, this cycle of having your kids and sending them off to see their father will repeat for years to come. During the early stages, many ex-couples use the kids as messengers instead of directly communicating with one another. Don’t make the same mistake. Using your kids as middlemen puts them in the line of fire if an argument were to occur, causing real and lasting damage to their emotional health and wellbeing. Therefore, it’s best to text, call or email your ex privately or meet up and speak in person without your kids being present.
Today Is Not Your Forever
If you’re in the throes of divorce, it may be difficult—if not impossible—to see a silver lining in such a mess. Yet, it’s important to remember that you’re doing this for your kids if nothing else. They deserve a safe, loving home, and divorce may have been the only way to provide that. Find hope in the fact that even if today may be almost too much to bear, it won’t last forever. Eventually, you and your little ones will emerge from the rubble and rebuild your lives together. Looking back, you may find this was the best thing you could ever have done for your kids and their future.
Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine. A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures. She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time.
