ML Interest Tag: therapist

When Christmas Looks Different From What You Imagined

By Courtney Mills

Holidays have always been big in my family. Christmas growing up was always so busy. You see, my parents were divorced, and so I was always on the go; being with one parent Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day, while also seeing extended family as we celebrated. 

I always dreamed of the day I’d have my own family, and we could sit and enjoy the holiday.

Decorating one tree. 

Being in one place for the whole holiday. 

Fast forward to now, and my dream Christmas may still never happen. Not because we aren’t together as a whole, but because my son is autistic. 

We decorated a tree for the first few years. We wrapped presents. We even got to stay in our home, not having to travel. 

But my son has yet to show interest. 

Last year we didn’t even put up a tree. We didn’t wrap presents. We simply set up my son’s swing and placed the other toys on the swing for him to see. I really thought it would be the year he showed interest in his presents. 

I was wrong. 

I even told myself I wasn’t going to bother with a tree this year, either. But while trying to clean out the storage room, and decluttering our living room, my husband brought in the Christmas tree. 

He proceeded to set up the tree and plug in the lights only to figure out some of the lights were out. We tried replacing some of them but that didn’t seem to do the trick. So we figured it’s because it’s old, and it was time to buy a new tree. 

We then got ready and went to town to grab a bite, and purchase a new tree. All before we had to pick Graham up from school. 

After picking Graham up, we headed home to get ready for home therapy and to set up our new tree. 

Our plan went south, fast.

As we opened the front door our old tree was still up. Graham stopped; he wouldn’t enter. He finally grabbed my hand, shaking, and proceeded to stay as far away from the tree as possible ‘til we made it to his room. 

Our ABA therapist arrived, and we once again tried to head into the living room to attempt playtime. 

Nope. He wasn’t having it. He kept pulling us back to his room. 

I told my husband to take the tree down—guess we won’t have a tree again. I kind of had a feeling, but still, I was bummed. I was trying not to cry thinking once again my son didn’t care for Christmas. It was going to be just another normal day in our house, so I thought. 

A few minutes later, my son was on his break time and entered the kitchen—where my husband had placed the tree and ornaments. He grabbed a few of the ball ornaments and was stimming loudly. We thought, well, do we try putting the tree up again? 

So once again my husband dragged the tree and decor into the living room. As he worked to put the tree together our son said, “Wow.” 

I couldn’t believe it. 

Not thirty minutes prior, he was terrified and wouldn’t enter the house because of the tree. 

He just kept watching daddy as he put up the tree, jumping, arms flapping, and screaming. The real kicker is when my husband put Graham’s Lightning McQueen on the tree. Graham wouldn’t leave the tree alone after that. He keeps managing to take off with it without us realizing it. I hear myself saying “Graham, no no” before we have no ornaments on the tree at all!

In a way, I guess you could say my Grinch heart is growing because for once, we have some hope in enjoying Christmas.

This post originally appeared on Guiding Graham’s Way.

I'm a wife and a mom. I have a three year old son. I spend my time advocating for special needs children, bringing awareness and acceptance to all. My son was diagnosed with severe autism at age two. He is my life. 

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How to Help Young Kids (& You) Navigate This Election

By Meghan Fitzgerald

Photo: Tinkergarten

You may have noticed, there’s an election coming up…and it’s overall calming effects are exactly what we all needed on top of our pandemic. All irony aside, it feels like our feeds, our conversations and even our quiet moments have been consumed by the upcoming vote—and, no matter your beliefs, the strain of uncertainty and the general nature of the discourse provide a consistent dose of stress. In fact, there’s even a therapist-coined term for an extreme version of the experience—election stress disorder.

As with the pandemic, it’s essentially impossible to insulate our kids from the impact of this election. This means we don’t have to, and probably shouldn’t, shy away from discussing it with them. In fact, we know that talking with kids about elections can increase their engagement in the political process later on. Deborah Rivas-Drake, a Professor of Psychology & Education at the University of Michigan who studies civic engagement explains this phenomenon quite well: “You’re planting seeds that will bear fruit later in terms of their understanding of themselves as civic and political actors who have agency.” 

So, with just a few more days to go, how can we frame the election for kids in a way that helps them engage but also keeps them feeling safe and calm during it? No matter your political beliefs, here are 5 ways to approach the election that are supportive of young kids, and that will likely feel supportive of you, too.

Focus on Democracy
At the end of the day, it’s an enormous privilege and an essential right that we get to vote for our elected officials—and this gives us a simple, powerful and positive focus when engaging kids around the election conversation. Encourage others you love to vote and share your excitement to vote with your kids. To help signal to kids just how special voting is, you can also make voting day feel like a celebration. In Australia, for example, voting day is a holiday featuring special treats like “democracy sausage.” In our family, we plan to eat “pepperoni polling pizza” on election night. Whatever fun you choose to add, a little celebration can help reinforce the importance of our democracy in terms kids can understand.

Give Yourself Space to Process the News
Election coverage and commentary are reaching fever pitch. Turn on your phone, check your feed, drive or walk around your neighborhood, and signs of the election are literally everywhere. Social media algorithms are working in overdrive to keep serving us the election drama that keeps us engaged. So, it’s important to remember that kids watch us as we process these messages, and they see our reactions. 

Often we get drawn in (mom’s distracted…queue the misbehavior!) or we tense up, look puzzled or worried. Kids sense this—we are their source of comfort, and they are wired to notice and respond to changes. To help kids, and to help yourself, try picking a few, distinct times each day to “plug in” and take in election updates. If you can, find a quiet time and space to do it, out of the watchful eye of young children. This will give you the chance to have your immediate response and process the information without raising any alarm bells for your kiddos.

Prepare Kids by Explaining It Doesn’t Always Go Your Way
No matter your politics, you’ve likely experienced disappointment at the presidential polls in your voting lifetime. Even if you haven’t, you can probably imagine how much it hurts. And though these feelings can feel overpowering, as adults with fully-formed brains, in time, we’re generally able to rationalize and talk ourselves through ways it’s going to be okay. For our kids, this isn’t the case. 

Young kids are still learning about disappointment, and they generally believe deeply that we, their treasured grownups, know how to keep them safe and make their world okay. So, it can feel really unsettling to them when we get disappointed. That’s why it’s important, no matter how confident you are about your chosen candidate, to start to introduce the idea to kids that your candidate may lose. At the same time, try to help kids understand that even if your candidate is not successful, our democracy, and our world, will go on. 

Beware of “Them vs Us” Rhetoric & Stay Curious
In our current context, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using “Them vs. Us” rhetoric. No matter how vigilant we are about our own language, we can all find ourselves being triggered to speak in sweeping terms about whole groups of people who do not share the same perspective—especially about issues we really care about. Even if you don’t speak this way, kids can pick up on this language from other people in your family or community, or from the media.

Listen for moments in which people speak poorly about a whole party or group of people based on a belief they have. You can flip this script by explaining to kids that, even though you don’t agree with this group’s beliefs, you also don’t support the negative way they’re being talked about. You can also explain that you know most people are good people, but you just don’t agree with this particular group on this particular issue. 

Perhaps one of the most important things that we can do right now, as parents, is to help our kids foster a practice of listening to one another, asking questions, and taking the time to understand other peoples’ differing opinions.

Double down on Hope & Community
In the middle of it all, try to maintain rituals that help kids feel connected to the people in your community and hopeful about the future. Meeting outdoors is not only a safe way to connect with others, but it also puts everyone in a space that we all share, no matter our political views—our natural world. 

This post originally appeared on Tinkergarten.

After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning. 

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Twin Essentials

by #MomLife

 

Natasha D'anna

Natasha D'Anna: Mom of 3, which includes twin girls and a son, wife, NYC Influencer, Award winning Children's book author & ABA Therapist, sharing stories about a bonded lifestyle.

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Having twins is double the blessing. It is something that I like to remember rather than being overwhelmed with the thought of having two babies at one time. Now that we’ve shifted those gears; let me share some of the top items that have helped twin parents make life a little easier; especially when doing it alone. Here are the lists of gear needed as well as books that can bring you from day to night.

I wish that I could say that there is a specific rule book when caring for twins, But there isn’t. Just as it goes when having your singleton baby; It is all in the matter of nurture and what fits you comfortably. Journaling was a great way to mentally answer my own questions as well as keep notes and track of our daily routine. Movement was always a great part of our day, and still is. Lastly, call on your fellow twin mamas who laugh at the days that are upside down.

1

What to Expect When You're Expecting Twins

The twin parenting book of what to expect when expecting twins

$9.99

I loved reading through this book. Its a quick navigator and gives you direct references.

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2

Bugaboo Donkey for 2

Your second set of wheels

$1889

I loved the position of this stroller. Its easy to access both babies and have them occupy each others attention when strolling.

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3

Twin 2 Go Carrier

Your second set of hands.

$189

It is such a lifesaver to be able to walk around with both babies as well as balance yourself to better posture and strength.

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4

Twin Z Pillow for Nursing

Comfortable Nursing like a pro to feed both babies at one time.

$9.99

I loved being able to have the extra height and arm support when nursing both babies at one time.

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5

Baby Connect (Babies Feeding Schedule App)

The app that helps you remember to feed both babies.

$4.99 BUY NOW

The App that helps you keep track your babies feedings without losing track of which baby ate last.

Tummy Time Hacks by a Pediatric Physical Therapist

by #MomLife

 

Brita DeStefano

Dr. Brita is a pediatric physical therapist and mama of 2. She believes that milestones shouldn't be a mystery and enjoys giving parents peace of mind about their kid's development

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I see these new mamas all the time – they’ve just left the pediatricians office and have been prescribed tummy time for their newborn. Along with making sure they’re fed, healthy and thriving, they’ve also been given yet another task to be checked off their daily list. How the heck does an overwhelmed and exhausted new mom fit yet another thing into her day? And what about if their baby hates tummy time? Forget it! As a pediatric physical therapist and mom of two, not only have I been there, done that, but it’s actually my job to help parents and babies become tummy time masters! I want tummy time to be peaceful and productive, not a dreaded task to check off your list. It breaks my heart to see families struggling with this important activity, especially knowing how essential tummy time is for building a foundation for healthy development. So, let me share some of my tricks of the trade. Check out my favorite gear that will help make tummy time a breeze.

1

Sassy Tummy Time Floor Mirror

Engage Baby's Curiosity

$12.99

As baby's vision develops they are highly motivated by faces - even their own! This soft sided mirror is fully baby-proof with contrasting colors. The bee and ladybug also encourage tactile exploration once baby starts reaching.

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2

Lay and Play Adventure Mat

Tummy Time On The Go

$59

Let's face it, some days are busier than others. If you're going to be out of the house all day you might wonder how to fit tummy time in while you're on the go. Enter the Lay and Play Adventure Mat! It is an easily packable play gym with a wipeable and washable mat that is perfect for doing tummy time just about anywhere!

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3

Wee Gallery Art Cards for Baby

Whimsical Entertainment

$15.99

These high quality black and white art cards are not only adorable, but they help develop your baby's vision while they do their tummy time. At birth, babies see best in black, white and red so these cute animals are sure to catch your little one's attention.

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4

Taf Toys 2 in 1 Tummy-Time Soft Baby Developmental Pillow

Give Baby a Boost

$24.95

Tummy time is hard work! Sometimes baby just needs a little boost. This tummy time pillow is great for those little ones who need some extra support under their chest. It has a smaller side for 0-3 months and larger pillow for 3+ months (I love gear that grows with baby!).

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5

Exercise Ball

Ball for Birthing AND Baby

$26.99

You know how many moms use birthing balls when they're in labor? Well don't get rid of it! Your baby might be one of the ones who prefers motion during tummy time. Bouncing or rocking your baby while on their tummy over the exercise ball can be a great way to soothe them and build their endurance for being on their belly.

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6

Teether Book Take-A-Long Toy

Sensory Exploration

$4.99

Engage all of baby's senses during tummy time with their very first book! This soft book has crinkly pages for auditory input, textured handle and corners for oral exploration, and bright colors for visual engagement.

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7

ABC & Me Plush Toy Wobble Set

Reach and Wobble

$20 BUY NOW

As your baby gets stronger on their tummy, they'll begin to shift their weight and practice reaching for toys. These little wobbly animals are great to encourage this phase of tummy time skills. They tip over and pop back up to promote repetition which is the key to learning!

Rice Krispies Treats Is Releasing Kits to Help Parents This School Year

by Jennifer Swartvagher

This back-to-school season is unlike any other. Children and parents are continuing to navigate this new normal of distance and hybrid learning. A national survey by Rice Krispies Treats with real parents and kids uncovered the key moments when our kids might crave a little extra love this school year, and parents might not realize it.  

When kids seek reassurance, many parents don’t really know how important their tender words are. For example:

  • More than 75% of kids say meeting a new teacher, starting a new school and trying out for a new sports team as times when they need extra love from their parents. However, less than 50% of parents think their kids need more support during these moments.
  • As kids get older, they need as much support, or even more, than they did when they were younger. Yet parents admit they show less support to children ages 9 to 12 than those ages 7 to 8.1 
  • The top moment kids crave more support is when they leave for school each morning.

One way to help kids feel more supported: nearly 80% of kids said they crave a handwritten note. Rice Krispies Treats used the survey findings to create limited-edition “Love in Case of” kits, giving parents a new way to connect and show support.

Vanessa Lachey

The kits draw on the experience provided by real families, along with the expertise of actress, TV host and mom of three, Vanessa Lachey, and Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed. Inside the kits, parents will find 12 moments when a handwritten note on a Rice Krispies Treats writable wrapper provides more love, when it’s needed. And when do kids crave a note most? The survey says it’s that nerve-wracking morning moment when they leave home, which makes it the prime time to give kids love that will stick. 

“Preparing for a new school year is always filled with new challenges, and this year I know my kids will be adapting to new routines,” Lachey said. “The Rice Krispies Treats writable wrapper gives me an easy, delicious way to reassure them that they are ‘New Routine Rockstars’ as they re-adjust to school day mornings, and the confidence to get their day started right.”

Inspiring parents to find moments when they might express a little extra love is part of the Rice Krispies Treats identity. From the creating the first writable wrapper to making a stand for inclusivity by creating Braille love notes and sensory stickers for children with autism, Rice Krispies Treats are a simple way for parents to share their support. 

“While most parents know the importance of showing love and support to nurture their children, there are certain moments when kids need extra love to flourish,” said Gottlieb, a licensed marriage and family therapist and bestselling author who helped curate the “Love in Case of” moments. 

The survey reinforces that it’s important to give support and more love even as kids grow older. 

“Whether it’s a hug or a personal message on a Rice Krispies Treats writable wrapper, a little love shines brightest when delivered at the right moment,” Gottlieb said. 

The “Love in Case of” kits are available exclusively at KelloggStore.com for $10 each. For each kit sold between Aug. 20 and Sept. 30, 2020, Kellogg will donate $20 to No Kid Hungry, which can provide up to 200 meals ($1 can provide up to 10 meals) to kids in need.  The kits include 12 unique moments curated from the national survey, as well as 12 Rice Krispies Treats featuring writable wrappers. For parents looking for additional inspiration, the kits include sample messages created in partnership with Gottlieb. 

“Rice Krispies Treats first featured writable wrappers because they allowed parents to show love and support even when they can’t be there,” said Sarah Reinecke, Director of Brand Marketing for Kellogg’s Portable Wholesome Snacks. “While we’ve expanded the types of messages over the years — from Braille to sensory stickers — our mission continues to be inspiring parents with ways to bring a smile to their kid’s face. The “Love in Case of” kits help identify moments when children will appreciate a little extra love the most.” 

Kellogg’s donation to No Kid Hungry contributes to Kellogg’s Better Days goal to help end hunger and create better days for 3 billion people by the end of 2030. For more information on Rice Krispies Treats or for additional tips from Lori Gottlieb on how to communicate with kids at certain ages, visit RiceKrispies.com. Parents also can also watch videos and see influencers’ photos that show when their own children needed a little extra love and just how Rice Krispies Treats writable wrappers helped them. 

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Kellogg’s

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COVID-19 Advice from a Family Therapist

By Britannica For Parents

Photo: Britannica for Parents

The coronavirus crisis means that we are living in a new time, and for some children this may cause anxiety. Ellen Bee, family therapist, provides tips and resources to help you and your family weather the storm and feel safe and calm.

As the coronavirus crisis continues to spread worldwide, uncertainty about what’s next creates a perfect storm for fueling anxiety. While our anxious feelings are understandable, it’s important to be aware of how anxiety is impacting our children and our families. Knowing how to respond to anxious feelings will help keep our families and loved ones calm and safe.

How Does Anxiety Affect Us?

Anxiety is our body’s natural stress response system. It helps us act in the face of impending danger. When faced with a threat, our “fight-or-flight” response activates and serves to keep us safe. In the case of the coronavirus crisis, many of us are making positive behavioral changes with social distancing and increased handwashing.

Sometimes, particularly in the face of an ambiguous threat, this internal alarm system may cause anxious responses that are not helpful. We may engage in behaviors that increase anxiety and undermine our safety in the long run. We have seen this in action with the hoarding of medical supplies needed by hospitals. 

Model Appropriate Responses

As parents, it is important to model appropriate responses when your child expresses worry or fear. Children often look to their parents for guidance during ambiguous and distressing situations. When parents respond with fear, children learn to feel and do the same. When parents respond calmly and truthfully, they model thoughtful responses and effective coping skills.

When parents respond calmly and truthfully, they model thoughtful responses and effective coping skills.

Even if your child does not seem worried or bothered by what is happening or has not communicated anything to you, that does not mean they are not curious or thinking about it. This is a great opportunity to present age-appropriate facts and to answer or correct any misinformation they have about coronavirus.

If your child is feeling confused or concerned, validate their feelings with supportive statements. Be sure to accept their feelings while sending the message that you believe in your child’s ability to tolerate a little anxiety. (For example, “I understand that things seem scary right now, and it is all right to feel worried. I also know that you are trying your best to focus on the things within your control. I believe you can figure out how to handle this situation. Caring for each other is one thing we can do.”) These statements differ from protective responses like, “It will all be fine” or “Coronavirus is not a problem for kids, and you should not worry about it.”

Share the Facts

According to developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, children between the ages of two and seven are “preoperational.” This means they understand many cause-and-effect relationships in familiar contexts but may have trouble with less familiar and more complicated situations. Consequently, children may wonder how they contract the virus and what might happen to them. Use age-appropriate language to explain how the virus spreads and what measures they can control like handwashing and social distancing. Teaching your child about action steps recommended by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Health Organization can help them be calm, safe, and healthy. And keeping up with recommendations from both organizations is a practical way to continually understand the coronavirus crisis, share the facts with your child, and prevent the spread.

Create a Routine and Add Some Fun

The disruption to daily life is a large transition for many, as schools and businesses are closing around the world. Transitions are stressful, and the disruption of routines may be particularly challenging for younger children. When things suddenly change, it is important to create structure and to develop a (temporary) new routine. Daily exercise, movement breaks during work time, and mindfulness activities are great ways to build self-care into this “new normal.” Activities can range from obstacle courses to reading time to imaginative play. Displaying the day’s activities on a family calendar or daily routine chart can help to communicate new routines visually and help children adjust.

Take Time for Self-Care

The reality is that we do not know how the next few weeks or months will unfold, and tolerating that level of uncertainty can be difficult for anyone. As parents, monitor your own emotional responses and take the time to process and validate your own feelings. Lastly, remember that you can turn to your community or a mental health professional during this time for resources, guidance, and support.

Ellen Bee would like to acknowledge her co-authors, Kelly Dunn, LCPC and Caroline Adelman, Ph.D.

Sources

Adelman, Caroline, “What Do We Tell Kids? Talking with Parents and Teens about COVID-19,” 2020 Ehmke, Rachel, “Talking to Kids about the Coronavirus,” [n.d.] Hicklin, Tianna, “Supportive Parenting Can Reduce Child’s Anxiety,” 2019

Age-Appropriate Learning about the Coronavirus

BrainPOP, “Coronavirus,” [n.d.] Farmer Kris, Deborah, “How to Talk to Your Kids about Coronavirus,” 2020

About the Author:

Ellen Bee received her Master of Arts in Counseling from Northwestern University. She completed a post-graduate clinical fellowship at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, with advanced training in the use of systemic and evidence-based therapy practices. Ellen is currently Assistant Clinical Director and staff therapist at Chicago Psychotherapy, where she specializes in the treatment of Anxiety Disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Mood Disorders. She works with clients of all ages, in both individual and family modalities.

 

This post originally appeared on Britannica for Parents.
Britannica For Parents
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

We’re living in a time when it’s nearly impossible to distinguish fact from fiction. Parents need information they trust to help them make good decisions about raising their curious learners. Britannica for Parents provides safe and credible resources to empower all kids and parents and inspire curiosity for generations to come.

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How to Cope with Postpartum Depression during a Pandemic

By Sarah Daren

It’s scary being a new mom. It’s scary living through a global pandemic. Put them together, and you find lots of moms struggling with their mental health after delivery.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a serious problem that occurs after a mother has given birth. It can last for months and causes mental health and mood issues such as hopelessness, sadness, fatigue, loss of interest, and even trouble bonding with the newborn baby.

For some moms with PPD, the problem passes quickly and is simply a case of the “baby blues.” But for others, it can be extremely serious and long-lasting. During a pandemic, with fewer options for support and mental wellness, the condition can become even worse.

This is what happened to me. I gave birth to my Ronnie in March and was plunged into a motherhood that I could never have planned for. I woke up every day with anxiety coursing through my veins and an uncertainty and fear about the state of the world that clouded my vision.

It wasn’t until I talked to a few friends about their experiences and got on the line with a therapist that I finally found strategies to work through my depression.

If you’re suffering from postpartum depression during the COVID-19 pandemic, know that you’re not alone. Lots of moms, just like me, are going through the same thing. Here are some strategies that helped me cope with this debilitating mental health issue during a very scary moment in history.

Know Your Symptoms & Triggers 

Postpartum depression causes many of the same symptoms as clinical depression. The only difference is the context and duration. PPD only occurs after a woman has given birth.

Common symptoms of depression include sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, changes in appetite or weight, fatigue or trouble sleeping, and sometimes even suicidal thoughts. Moms with PPD might experience strong feelings of guilt or might find that they have trouble bonding with their babies.

Everyone is different, so it’s important to get to know your own personal symptoms and triggers. For me, my anxiety was so bad in the mornings that I would spend mornings laying in bed only getting up to use the restroom. My husband was extremely concerned and supportive during this time. He helped keep the rest of the family together while I isolated myself away.

Remember, issues like fatigue and feelings of overwhelm can be normal for new parents. But it’s important to think about whether what you’re feeling is just the cause of sleep lost due to nighttime feedings, or if it’s a sign of a more serious problem.

If you’re having trouble figuring out what your symptoms and triggers are, try keeping an informal journal. See if you can find patterns that will reveal what kinds of situations trigger especially intense symptoms.

I realized that I had a specific morning anxiety because of my morning habits. I’d usually reach for my phone or turn on the news. Instead of turning outwards in the morning, I turned inwards. I started incorporating meditation into my routine and put my phone in a box in a different room and only looked at it after breakfast with the family.

Research Treatment Options and the Benefits of Therapy 

Don’t feel like you have to just let postpartum depression run its course. About 15% of mothers develop severe or long-lasting PPD and may require treatment. Recovery from PPD may require seeking out treatment such as psychotherapy or medication.

You might feel embarrassed or guilty about your PPD, but it’s important to realize that if you don’t seek treatment, you’ll be dealing with these feelings on your own. You might be feeling especially isolated during the pandemic, so getting help with postpartum depression is even more important than it would be if you could lean on friends and family for help on a regular basis.

Do some research and check out your options for treatment. You might need to combine some lifestyle changes like exercise and changes in your diet with therapy or other treatments to find relief.

Consider Seeing a Mental Health Specialist via Telehealth 

It’s not easy being a new mom during a pandemic, and you might be feeling very lonely right now. It’s easy for your thoughts to spiral out of control and take you to dark places. If your PPD is causing you to suffer, then it’s worth seeking the help of a mental health professional.

While it’s probably not possible to meet with a therapist in person during the pandemic, telehealth options are expanding rapidly. You should be able to talk with a therapist over the phone or video chat and get help for your postpartum depression.

I scheduled a virtual meeting with a local therapist who helped me process all of my feelings. It wasn’t cheap by any means but it was important. You might be surprised by how much better you’ll feel after you talk with a trained professional.

Establish Some “Me Time” 

As a new mom, you probably feel like you can’t leave your baby in someone else’s care for a single minute. It’s completely normal for new moms to sacrifice their own well-being to care for their newborns. Unfortunately, denying yourself a little “me time” can be very detrimental to your mental health.

It’s important to arrange for some alone time regularly. Your partner or another family member in the home can take care of the baby for a little while, giving you a chance to exercise, take a bath, read, or meditate. You need that time to rest and recharge for the sake of your mental health.

Remember That Things Will Get Better

The good news about PPD is that it usually isn’t permanent. The pandemic will pass, and life will become easier over time. In the meantime, just focus on what’s important: taking care of yourself and your baby. Get help if you need it. Everything else will fall into place. Trust me.

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach. 

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5 Tips for When You Are a Parent and a Caregiver

By Kendra Madsen

Photo: Nikoline Arns on Unsplash

Being a parent is one of the most demanding jobs out there, but being a caregiver on top of it all can be completely overwhelming. You might feel like you’re drowning in responsibilities and have almost no time to meet your own needs.

The good news is, you’re not alone. Over 65 million people in America serve as caregivers in some way, shape or form. Whether you have a child with special needs, or are caring for an aging parent, there are resources available to help you. Let’s take a look at some of those resources, and some helpful tips for how to balance your time.

1. Hold family meetings

One way to find a healthy balance as a parent/caregiver is to hold regular family meetings. Your family needs to know that they are just as important as the person you are taking care of. Meeting together gives everyone an opportunity to share how they’re feeling and provide input.

Try to create an open environment where everyone feels comfortable sharing. You can also use this time to provide updates on any changes to your family member’s medical care or daily routine. These meetings don’t have to be super formal, but choosing a set day of the week or month can be helpful in managing expectations.

2. Ask for help

If there’s one universal truth about being a caregiver, it’s that no one can do it alone. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Help can take many forms and will look different for everyone, depending on your circumstances.

You might have the funds to hire a nanny to watch your kids part-time or pay a professional to take care of your loved one while you run errands. If you’re on a tight budget, ask family members for help or try trading babysitting hours with a neighbor.

There are also a myriad of resources available to caregivers depending on the illness or disability of your loved one. For example, the Alzheimer’s Association operates a 24/7 help line, and the National Alliance for Caregiving offers free guidebooks. Even Facebook groups can provide some relief from like-minded people.

Be sure to take advantage of community programs for your children as well. Many after-school programs offer financial aid, and organizations like 4-H or the YMCA can be extremely helpful.

3. Keep track of finances

Chances are, the person you’re taking care of has funds available to help ease the financial burden of being a caregiver. However, your time and money will be stretched thin, especially as a parent. Create a budget and stick to it, and save as much as you can. You never know when a medical emergency will arise.

If your children are school-age, look into getting financial assistance from the school lunch program. Some Title 1 school districts even offer meals during the summer to help out low-income families.

There are also a few options you may be able to take advantage of such as long-term care insurance and community outreach programs dedicated to helping caregivers.

4. Update medical coverage

Enrolling in Medicare (for those over 65 or on disability) can be tricky, which is why you should review your loved one’s policies. Make sure to update their policy during the annual open enrollment period or when any changes arise, and avoid penalties for late enrollment.

Your loved one may also be eligible for Medicaid—government subsidized healthcare—so be sure to find out the specifics of your state’s coverage and apply.

5. Take care of your mental health

Depression is a common side-effect of becoming a caregiver, which is why you should make your mental health a priority. Here are just a few ways to combat feeling depressed and overwhelmed with your circumstances:

  • Find ways to stay active

Chasing after toddlers is a workout on its own, but doing some additional cardio throughout the week will give you endorphins and build your stamina. Go on walks with your loved one if they’re able to leave the house and get your children involved. Yoga is another great activity for caregivers because it increases flexibility and relieves stress.

  • Eat a balanced diet

As any parent knows, this can be extremely difficult when time is scarce. If you have room in your budget, try a food subscription service like Hello Fresh or Blue Apron to take the stress of meal planning off your shoulders. Otherwise, be sure to work fruits and vegetables into your family’s daily routine wherever you can.

  • Get outside

Vitamin D is one of the best ways to fight off depression so take advantage of any opportunity to get outside, like checking the mail or walking the kids to the bus stop—just be sure to wear sunblock. For cloudy climates and winter months look into buying a happy light to keep indoors.

  • Take time for yourself

This advice probably sounds the least achievable, but carving even a few minutes out of each day for yourself can work wonders for your mental health. Read a page from a fun book, write in your journal, meditate or take a hot bath after the kids have gone to bed. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s something you enjoy.

  • See a therapist

If you do start to feel depressed, see a therapist right away. Therapy often carries a negative stigma in our culture, but there’s no reason to feel embarrassed about seeking help from a professional. If you had a broken leg, you would see a doctor to get it fixed. Mental health is just as important.

If you’re still feeling overwhelmed after reading this, don’t worry. With time, you’ll fall into a rhythm that works for your family. Just remember to seek help from friends, family, professionals, and organizations specific to your situation. Finding balance as a parent and a caregiver can be difficult, but it is possible.

Kendra is a writer for Eligibility.com who loves healthy living, the outdoors, and obsessing over plants. When she isn’t writing, Kendra can be found exploring the mountains with her puppy or curled up at home with a good book.

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To My Friends on Facebook: I’m Not as Good a Mom as You Think I Am

By Melissa Heckscher

Photo: Melissa Heckscher

TO: My Friends on Facebook

RE: My Posts During the Covid-19 Outbreak

Dear Friends:

Maybe you’ve seen my recent posts. You know, the ones chronicling the slew of things I’ve been doing with my kids since this dreaded lockdown started: the arts and crafts projects, the home science experiments, the sidewalk chalk mosaics.

Maybe you’ve seen our silly family pictures—the ones where we’re crowding the camera frame, all close-up faces and goofy smiles—the photos screaming, “See! We’re doing great! Look how much fun we’re having!”

Maybe, because of these posts, you think our days are filled with Pinterest projects and dance parties—and that I’m actually good at filling this gaping hole of time that is every day in lockdown.

I’m here to tell you that I’m not.

Sure, we’ve done the arts and crafts, the science experiments, the chalk mosaics. And we’ve had fun in those moments.

But they’re just moments. And honestly, they’re such a small fraction of our daily experience that every time I post the pictures, I know it’s just to keep up the illusion that everything is OK. That I’m OK.

But I’m not.

The truth is, I’ll spend hours conceiving and setting up most of our home-based art/science/ you-name-it projects…and I’ll be lucky if my kids engage in any one of them for more than 20 minutes.

Really, I post the pictures for encouragement. Those “likes” you’re giving me? They make me feel like I’m doing something right. They’re like the silent voices cheering me on:

You’re such a good mom!

Great idea!

Sharing!

Because don’t we all feel like we’re doing it all wrong sometimes? I mean, nobody told us the right way to parent during a pandemic. (Newsflash: There is no right way.)

Consider: I’ve spent hours scouring Google to find homeschooling ideas, certain that by controlling these small parts of our day—by playing the perfect teacher, the perfect mom—I can control how my kids experience this gargantuan event that is happening.

But I can’t.

My youngest, newly five and full of life is up for anything. It’s my older boys—both introverted 8 and 10-year-olds who just want to play video games or watch Youtube (where they watch other people playing video games) that I just can’t motivate. At least, not longer than the few minutes it takes to do a quick activity and snap a picture.

And that is what you see. You see that brief moment where it is working. That moment when they are playing the game or doing the craft or wearing the costume. (Trust me, you don’t want to see the other moments, most of which are spent either desperately trying to prod my boys to “GO PLAY A GAME OR SOMETHING!!” or lamenting the fact that I can’t and retreating to my bedroom for a moment of teary-eyed silence.)

It’s not just me. Even the professionals are struggling.

“I see other moms posting pictures of how peaceful and accomplished their quarantine days have been with their children,” said Lori Campbell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles family therapist and mother of two.  “For a moment, these posts make me feel inadequate because although I do have some of those amazing times, a good portion of the day is challenging.”

So why do we continue to post these pictures that don’t show the whole truth?

For me, it’s because I want to remember that there were moments where we played together. (We did, after all, have a pretty epic indoor “snowball” fight with stuffed animals. That happened.)

I want to remember there were times when it worked. (All three of my kids did enjoy the obstacle course we set up throughout the house. Even if it was only for a few minutes.)

I want to remember the stories behind the art collection that now covers the walls of our kitchen. Or that the reason we all dressed as trolls that one night is because it’s when “Trolls World Tour” premiered on-demand in our living room.

Because, when all of this ends, I want to remember the good parts. Not the hours I spent arguing with my kids about screen time, but the moments of togetherness we shared.

Because I know there will be a day that I’ll look back and realize that I did OK.

(If not, the pictures will help.)

“I think that some people need to show pictures of their best moments as a reminder to themselves that they really are doing a good job,” Campbell said. “We all need to feel validated, especially in this madness.”

So to all those who see my posts on Facebook and wonder whether I’ve got everything under control, I want you to remember this:

None of us has everything under control. And that’s OK.

So go ahead and post the good stuff. We’ll cheer you on.

Sincerely,

Me

Melissa Heckscher is a writer and mother of three living in Los Angeles. She is a former staff writer for the Los Angeles Newspaper Group and the author of several books, including,The Pregnancy Test: 150 Important, Embarrassing, and Slightly Neurotic Questions (Quirk Books, 2011). 

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Doesn’t Everyone Have a Mommy?

By Gay Cioffi

Four-year-old Derek calls out to me, “Joel just said that he doesn’t have a mommy and I told him that everyone has a mommy! Doesn’t everyone have a mommy?” Derek asks.

As a nursery school teacher, I was on the spot for the answer to Derek’s question as well as providing a supportive strategy for Joel, who in this case confidently defends his position that he, in fact, does not have a mommy!

It was my responsibility to get to know every child’s story before conversations like this begin. Learning each child’s story can be challenging in so far as the need to respect a family’s privacy is balanced with the need to gather information that can help one to support the child. Nursery school broadens a child’s social experiences outside of the family and as such, children may be scrutinized and questioned by other children who may only have experiences with a traditional family model.

Before I could respond in the best possible way to Derek and Joel, I needed to develop a relationship and rapport with their families. This relationship was developed in several ways, including events designed to help us get to know each other. In meeting one-on-one, teachers can ask same-sex couples and single parents, as well as parents of children who are adopted, if there is anything they would like to share about their child’s story that can help staff to be supportive.

Inquiries can be made about how parents would want the school to handle Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, as well as our beginning of the year Unit on Families, long before these topics arrive on the schedule. While sometimes parents have not themselves anticipated their response to such events, it is a useful entrée into areas that may raise questions for their children, and it allows some time for parents to craft the narrative that they are comfortable with. 

In Joel’s case, he has two fathers. When I asked his parents how they would like Joel’s teachers to handle Mother’s Day, one of his fathers shared the following story. Before they began the process of finding a surrogate, they met with a counselor to prepare for their journey as parents. One of their assignments was to practice looking into a mirror and saying the words, “you do not have a mother, you have two fathers and a surrogate.” The therapist stressed the importance of the fathers’ own comfort level with this truth.

As those of us who work with children know, they can handle life’s challenges, if we, their caregivers, can handle those challenges. Children are incredibly resilient, especially when they have loving and supportive adults who communicate with them in an honest and age-appropriate way.

Communication is critical in every relationship. I was able to respond to the conversation that Derek and Joel had, by backing up Joel’s assertion that he does not have a mommy and that every family is different. I can give examples that some families have two mommies, or just one daddy, or two sisters, or one sister and one brother, etc. I can ask Derek to tell us about his family, his parents, siblings, and grandparents. I can remind them both, that it isn’t who is in a family that makes it a family, it is love that makes a family, and it comes in all shapes and sizes.

This post originally appeared on www.littlefolksbigquestions.comn.

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.

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