ML Interest Tag: understood

Speak & Listen to Your Kids—No Words Required

By Jocelyn Greene

In 1989 my parents made a VHS recording of Into the Woods when the B’way show aired on PBS. That tape must have been made of strong stuff since I probably watched scores of times. I knew all the words, made up secret handshakes with my best friend to the Sondheim lyrics and dressed as Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween for three consecutive years, totally inspired by that show.

But it wasn’t until I became a mom that I understood the “Children Will Listen” song that the Witch sings about her daughter, Rapunzel.  When I recently directed a group of kids in the Broadway Jr version, these lyrics cut me to the quick. The kids stood out simply and sang:

Careful the things you say

Children will listen

Careful the things you do

Children will see and learn

Children may not obey, but children will listen

Children will look to you for which way to turn

To learn what to be

Careful before you say “Listen to me”

Sondheim was wise.  

“Listening” is one of those words that actors and acting teachers care a great deal about. When we really listen instead of planning what we are going to do on stage or in front of the camera, we can have authentic reactions. Why is it so hard to do this? Possibly because we don’t actually listen enough in our real life?  

So what if we take words out of the equation. Can we listen to our kids, without language? Can we create a meaningful and intimate conversation where we are giving and receiving information but no words are exchanged? Where listening is with our body and our heart? Where talking is through gesture and emotion?

I want Nathaniel to know that I hear him – to feel like I get what he is giving me. And in turn, I know that he will listen, like the lyrics say. So what can I give him to listen to that is simple, truthful and filled with love?

Here’s the game for that: Magic Mirror

Mirrors are portals to the fantasy world—as in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass. They can also be portentous instruments of information as in Snow White or Beauty and the Beast.  It isn’t hard to convince your child to play a Magical Mirror game.

Explain to your child that they get to do whatever they like and the Mirror (you) will follow them. The goal is not to leave the mirror behind so you have to go really slowly – slower than you normally would to do an activity.

Use this as a way to connect with your child when the incessant stream of language is overwhelming, when you hear yourself talking too much or when you just want a new way to bond. 

I’d love to hear about your experience playing Magic Mirror—so chime in below and tell us how you did it!

 

 

This post originally appeared on Child's Play In Action.

Jocelyn Greene is a Brooklyn based educator, director and mom.  With her company, Child's Play NY, she teaches hundreds of kids a year and is equally joyous adapting fairytales for 4s as she is staging Shakespaere with the teens. Check out http://www.childsplayinaction.com/ for video tutorials on game-based play to do at home! 

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6 Positive Ways Kids Can Use Social Media

By Tyler Jacobson

Like most other parents, I used to think that social media was completely unsuitable for kids. There were so many dangers to be concerned about ranging from cyberbullying and social media addiction to the poor self-esteem that kids can develop thanks to comparing themselves with unrealistic social media standards. Let’s not forget the negative impact social media could have on an individual’s mental health. It just seemed safer to stop my kids from using it.

Then one day, I realized that I wasn’t being fair to my kids. They were growing up in a digital world and whether I liked it or not, technology was a huge part of their lives. Far from being a smart move, banning social media in my house was actually crippling their growth.

After all, social media did have lots of benefits. For instance, it is a great avenue for self-expression and creating awareness on important issues. Additionally, it helps kids connect with different people, make friends and get authentic support when they need it.

I realized that instead of preventing my kids from using social media, I should be teaching them how to use it in a safe and positive way. I had to instill healthy habits surrounding their social media use when they were still young and I could share the experience with them. That way, when they were older and controlling their own accounts, they’d know how to use social platforms positively.

To habituate my kids to positive social media use and make their screen time more meaningful, I taught them that it was important to:

1. Promote positive content. I wanted my kids to use social media in a positive way so I encouraged them to post happy, fun content. We started out by finding positive or humorous stories that they could share with friends and family. Eventually, they learned to do it on their own.

2. Be nice. One of the first things I taught my kids is that being mean on social media isn’t ok. Just because they couldn’t be seen and had the option of anonymity didn’t mean that they had the freedom to post embarrassing or hurtful messages. I made it clear that I expected them to treat others with respect even if they had differing opinions.

3. Express themselves. Social media provides a great platform for self-expression and I wanted my kids to take full advantage of this. I encouraged them to share the art, music or hobbies they liked as well as their thoughts and feelings on a wide range of topics.

4. Think before posting. I made sure that my kids understood that whatever was posted online had a way of staying there, even when they thought it was deleted. Before hitting “enter”, I asked them to think their posts through first. Will it hurt anyone? What was the post intended to achieve? What message did they want to send?

5. Use privacy settings correctly. Whenever my kids and I joined a new social media platform, we’d go through the privacy settings together. This way, I could ensure that they understood each setting and how to turn it on or off. I also explained that passwords were there to protect them and they should never be shared with anyone, not even their closest friends.

6. Find balance. Social media is interesting but too much of it can be dangerous. In order to instill healthy social media use habits in my kids, I had to limit and monitor the time they spent online. They had designated screen time every day and they could only go online if my wife or I were present. When they weren’t using their devices, my kids were either playing outside or pursuing their other hobbies.

Social media has its positive and negative sides. As parents, we can choose to either keep worrying about the dangers posed by social media or teach our kids to safely navigate this online world. Habituating our kids to positive social media use when they’re still young gives them ample time to grow up learning how to put these platforms to positive use.

 

Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.

 
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How to Teach Little Kids about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

By Gay Cioffi

After the frantic weeks of December—decorating, shopping, cooking and baking—I love settling into the reflective time of January days. In a world of national and international strife, the inspiration and wisdom of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is right on time.

As the teacher of young children, I had the special privilege of sharing his message to a very interested audience. For a child in nursery school, the concept of friendship is one that is just beginning to be understood. Combine that with a birthday celebration and they are all eyes and ears. The idea that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a man whose dream was that “all children would be friends,” is something they embrace whole-heartedly.

With nursery school age children, it is a good idea to begin an introduction of this civil rights leader with a simple story about his dream of people getting along. While children with older siblings may volunteer more details about his life and death, our goal is to keep the story simple and stay focused on his message.

Paper friendship dolls can a big part of the celebration, complete with decorating and the naming of friends. Singing and dancing are part of every celebration, so we adapted the song “We Shall Overcome” to use the words, “We Shall All Be Friends.” Kids love learning to cross their hands to make a people chain. And for a dance tune, the Stevie Wonder tribute song, “Happy Birthday,” is perfect. Without suggesting it, children begin to include these themes in their drawings and creative dramatics.

Year after year, as children learned about Dr. King’s message, it was not uncommon to hear a child comment on another child’s kind act: “That would make  Doctor  Martin  Luther  King  Junior, very happy.” There is something about knowing and saying his full name that young children take a certain pride in…and so do I.

This post originally appeared on www.littlefolksbigquestions.com.

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.

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This Study Found a Link Between Talking Late & More Severe Temper Tantrums

by Erica Loop

You already know the way a serious case of the tireds or total frustration can affect your tot, but now recent research from Northwestern University may have found another reason behind toddler temper tantrums.

According to the study published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, expressive language (the words your child says) may have an impact, too.

photo: Ryan Franco via Unsplash

Researchers surveyed more than 2,000 parents who all had toddlers between 12 and 38 months of age. The parents answered questions about their toddlers’ tantrum behaviors, as well as how many words the children could speak.

So what did the researchers find? The data showed a connection between late talkers (toddlers who had less than 50 words or weren’t stringing words together by two years) and severe tantrums.

Elizabeth Norton, an assistant professor in the department of communication sciences and disorders at Northwestern said, “We totally expect toddlers to have temper tantrums if they’re tired or frustrated, and most parents know a tantrum when they see it.” Norton continued, “But not many parents know that certain kinds of frequent or severe tantrums can indicate risk for later mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression ADHD and behavior problems.”

Before you start to worry about your kiddo’s lag in language, co-principal investigator Lauren Wakschlag, professor and vice chair in the department of medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and the DevSci director said of toddler tantrums, language delays and later issues, “All these behaviors must be understood within developmental context.”

Wakschlag continued, “Parents should not overreact just because the child next door has more words or because their child had a day from The Wild Things with many out-of-control tantrums. The key reliable indicators of concern in both these domains is a persistent pattern of problems and/or delays. When these go hand in hand, they exacerbate each other and increase risk, partly because these problems interfere with healthy interactions with those around them.”

—Erica Loop

 

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This Bus Driver Went Above & Beyond for a Little Boy Who Was Nervous About School

by Shahrzad Warkentin

The first day of school isn’t always easy. One kind-hearted bus driver understood that when she lent a scared four-year-old passenger a helping hand.

Four-year-old Axel Johnson was having a tough time saying goodbye to his mom to ride the bus to school, so the bus driver, Isabel Lane, reached back and held his hand. Axel’s mom had placed him in the seat behind the bus driver and he had a very difficult time letting her go. He tried to grab for his mom as she left, so Lane simply grabbed his hand and held it for the ride.

“I could see that he really didn’t want to let his mom go,” Lane told Good Morning America. “It was just a natural reaction to give him my hand in hopes that it would calm some of those first-day jitters.”

An image of Lane holding Axel’s hand was shared by the Augusta Police Department on Facebook who wanted give a shout out to Lane’s kindness. Lane, however, was simply doing what felt right. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal personally just I guess it’s just something that I would do,” she said.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Austin Pacheco via Unsplash

 

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New Study Sheds Light On Sharenting

by Erica Loop

Do you over-sharent? A new study, published in the Journal of Public Policy and Marketing, looked at how oversharing on social media impacts parents, their kiddos and their online privacy.

Social media has opened up an entirely new world of parenting. Not only can you share your child’s major milestones with friends and family across the globe, but you can also crowdsource advice on everything from potty training to smartphone use. But with the ability to share, question and feel a sense of community, comes vulnerability, and that’s exactly what this research looks at.

photo: Rawpixel via Pexels

The researchers interviewed 15 mothers ages 24 to 40—including both experienced mamas and first-timers—asking them about their feelings on motherhood. Study participants were also asked whether they posted kid-related content on social media and what they understood about Internet privacy rules and co-ownership.

So what did the researchers find? According to the study, “Posting about their experiences and sharing personal information about themselves and their children served as a coping strategy, primarily related to seeking affirmation/social support or relief from parents stress/anxiety/depression.”

But the researchers didn’t stop there. They conducted a second study, using a Twitter chat with 116 participants (all mothers). The chat, conducted by the brand Carter’s Inc., tested the mothers to see if the feelings on vulnerability found in the first study influenced their willingness to identify or share personal information about their children.

The researchers found that 69 percent of the mothers shared posts indicating vulnerability and 47 percent posted personally identifiable info about their child. What does this mean for mothers, sharenting and the Internet? The researchers found, “If a mother did not express a risk factor for vulnerability during the chat, we saw less sharing of her children’s personally identifiable information.”

This may mean parents need more, or better, education when it comes to social media, identity issues and their children. Or it might mean that mothering puts us in a vulnerable position. In any case, the researchers acknowledge, “This area is ripe for future research.”

—Erica Loop

 

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Research Provides Clues into the Biological Beginnings of Autism

by Erica Loop

Research, from the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, may have found the biological beginnings of autism spectrum disorder—and it’s all in the genes.

The study, which was published in the journal Neuron, looks at brain development and how it connects to ASD. Specifically, the researchers studied how genes influence the creation and growth of cells in the brain’s cerebral cortex.

So what exactly did the researchers find? In not-so-sciencey terms, they found a connection between how genes influence the organizational structure of cerebral cortex building blocks and the possible development of ASD—at least in the mice they studied. Even though cerebral cortex development isn’t fully understood, cells known as radial glial cells help to create a scaffold in the cortex in utero. The scaffold provides an orderly structure for neural cells to grow.

The researchers found that disruption of the scaffolding process (through a deleted gene in the study’s mice) resulted in disorganization. It’s thought that this disorganization, caused by mutations in a gene known as Memo 1, may influence the development of autism.

Senior study author, professor of cell biology and physiology at the UNC School of Medicine and member of the UNC Neuroscience Center and UNC Autism Research Center, Eva S. Anton, PhD, said in a press release, “This finding suggests that ASD can be caused by disruptions occurring very early on, when the cerebral cortex is just beginning to construct itself.”

Not only did the mice in the study (with a deleted Memo 1 gene) show lack of exploratory activity similar to humans with autism, but previous research found patches of a similar type of neural disorganization in children with ASD.

Of the implications this study has for treatment Anton said, “For disorders of brain development such as ASD, it is important to understand the origins of the problem even if we are still far away from being able to correct developmental disruptions occurring in utero.” Anton also added, “We need this foundational knowledge if we are to truly get to the root causes of these conditions and eventually develop better diagnostic or therapeutic strategies.”

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash 

 

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This Is Three (Nonstop Tantrums & Epic Cuddlefests)

By Heather Millen

Photo: Heather Millen

It’s been nearly nine years since I first became a Mom. Five years after my first son was born, I truly didn’t know if I would have a second. Life got in the way, the timing never seemed right and my firstborn just kept getting older; we just weren’t sure if it made sense. Now that we were finally past the challenge of the infant and toddler years and experiencing some version of normalcy, did we really want to “hit the reset button” and start all over? With the larger age gap, would our children even experience the benefit of having a sibling around to play with and grow up together?

Now, as I look over at my toddler’s sweet, joyous face and think back on those early concerns, I know there was no reason for pause. And even with its challenges, there’s not a single thing I would change. Because right now, at this very moment, this is what it’s like to be the mom to a three-year-old:

Joyous: You’re such a happy little boy. Your smile is contagious, I watch you enter a room and spread that smile to everyone you encounter, strangers included. It fills my heart with such happiness.

Energetic: From the moment you get up (way too early) to the moment your head hits the pillow, you are going full-steam-ahead. There’s just too much to see, too much to do, and you want to experience it all.

Learning: There’s a lot for a three-year-old to learn. You’ve struggled with a speech delay and you’ve worked so very hard at it. You’ve made major strides and words I never even knew you understood are pouring from your mouth. Ironically, I can barely express how much I love hearing all the wonderful things you have to say.

Challenging: You are a toddler through and through, to a fault. And toddlers push the limits just to see how far they can go. Of all your new words “NO!” might be your favorite. And when you’re the one told “No,” watch out.

Awe-inspiring: You look at the world with such big beautiful awe. Just yesterday, when you woke up in the morning, you looked out the window and exclaimed “Wow! The sun is up, the moon is down!” I’m so lucky to be able to glimpse the world anew through your eyes.

Stubborn: It is borderline impossible to get you to do something you don’t want to do. Sadly, this includes eating 90% of the food I make, driving me insane nightly as I try to convince you otherwise. In your perfect world, you would live on a strict diet of yogurt, muffins, and crackers and hummus.

Independent: You have a big brother as a role model and you want to do everything yourself too. You think you’re bigger than you are, but that often also pushes you to do things other kids your age wouldn’t. This is a blessing and a curse as I run behind you just trying to keep up and prevent catastrophe.

Fearless: It is terrifying. After years with an older son who was more content to sit and play, and to this day, still assesses the risk factor in every challenge, you very much do not. Case in point, last week our “Sunday Funday” was spent in the ER getting five staples in your head after a rather reckless ride on your Thomas the Train toy. I’m still traumatized from it.

Smiles and Laughter: Even after a hard fall, you’re back to your sweet happy little self in no time. Your laugh is perhaps the greatest sound on earth and you spread it like confetti. Lately, you’ve taken to saying “I’m funny.” And yes, sweetie, you very much are.

Sibling Rivalry: After a rather blissful three years of you and your big bro getting along marvelously with him doting on you and affectionately calling you “Mr. Baby” (a nickname I’m so sad you’ve outgrown), you are now becoming your own person with your own interests. Unfortunately, those interests often include playing with his toys and taking his stuff. You’re no longer a harmless presence in his life and you very quickly are learning the tricks of the sibling rivalry trade yourself, pulling your own power moves on a brother almost three times your age. It’s almost impressive.

Snuggles and Big Hugs: You are a world-class snuggler and will lay on me for hours, or you’ll scoot over just an inch closer to be next to me. Your sweet chubby little arms wrapped around me, and those sweet smooches you give me when we snuggle, are the best feelings in the world. I hope it doesn’t change anytime soon.

Perfect: Ask any parent of a toddler and they will speak of the challenges and trust me when I say they are not wrong. It’s dealing with epic toddler tantrums and an unreasonable little human who has no idea what they’re doing. But three is also a rather fantastic age where the world is an amazing place and every day is an adventure. Where laughter flows openly and happiness is contagious. And I’m going to do everything in my power to soak up every minute. Because four and five and ten and twenty are right around the corner.

Just your average borderline-crazed mom and snarky wife who joined this online fray to build up other awesome women around me and have some laughs along the way. Follow me at @momandburied where I share both inspiration & rants about life along with my husband Dad and Buried... snark is our love language.

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Capture Baby’s First Year in 13 Funny & Sweet Hashtags

by Ashly Grzyb

Your mom may have a memory book filled with photos, baby shoes and clippings from your first haircut, but you’ve already maxed out 20 gigs of cloud with photos of your baby. So while you’re Facebooking, tweeting, instagramming and tumblring every precious baby moment, include these 12 not-to-be-missed pics to commemorate your baby’s first year. #newmom #photocrazy #babylove

photo: Katie Jane McWilliams

1. #allnighter #aintwhatitusedtobe #daddysboy

Record those long nights and precious snuggles with a newborn. All-nighters won’t last forever (although it sure feels like they will).

photo: Angie Cernovich

2. #bigbrothers #instabffs #lilsis

The moment an older sibling meets the new baby for the first time is beyond words. Record the first hug and kiss so you can all remember it forever.

photo: Megan Woodard

3. #tenfingers #tentoes

Make sure to photograph those adorable newborn hands and feet. It’s way easier than attempting that overrated ink print (#pinterestfail).

photo: Megan Woodard

4.#toocuteforwords #glamourbaby

The day will come when you dress up your baby (out of boredom, exhaustion or for big laughs). From bows and beanies to sunglasses and Wu-Tang onesies, accessorize away and break out that camera.

 

photo: Stephen Lightfoot via Flickr

5. #sleepinglikeababy #sleepingbeauty

If only little ones understood the meaning of “sleeping like a baby.” When baby finally dozes off, snap a pic of that sweet, serene, non-howling face. And then sneak away and take your own nap.

photo: kate_dave_hugh via Flickr

6. #firstfood #lookatthatface #ihatecarrots

From baby food to finger food, don’t miss that first face of disgust (or delight). It’s fun to look back and see how kids’ favorite flavors change over time, and a messy face makes an awesome photo.

photo: gabeflorencio via Pixabay

7. #Iseeteeth #gummygrin #somuchdrool
Those tiny teeth may put baby and you through hell when they’re coming in, causing sleepless nights and tons of drool. But they make baby’s smile even cuter.

photo: Julie Seguss

8. #happybaby #babygiggles #babyinparadise

From gummy grins to deep belly giggles, nothing can make your heart burst like a laughing baby. Share the love with social media to make others smile.

photo: Kelly Thomas

9. #babyrolls #babyphat #thighsfordays

Who doesn’t love a six-pack of baby rolls? From chubby arms to those thick thighs, you’ll want to remember eat squishy fold.

photo: Ashly Grzyb

10. #babyselfie

Of course, the baby selfie. Your baby will soon take better selfies than you do. So say cheese now! The sillier the better.

photo: Tory via Flickr

11. #gobabygo #newwalker #firststeps

You’ve got a walker! The sheer glee on baby’s face will make each photo. And get ready, because that baby just got a whole lot faster and harder to photograph.

photo: candice_rose via Pixabay

12. #firstbirthday #IamOne #smashcake

The cake smash makes for great before and after photos! You’ll want to remember that sweet outfit before it’s covered in icing. Then let your little one year old smash and smear while you keep snapping away.  

photo: Katie Jane McWilliams

13. #momoftheyear #Isurvived

You did it! You made it through the first year without losing your mind completely (well, almost). And now you have lots of photos to look back on and smile.

—Ashly Grzyb

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5 Effective Ways to Curb Your Teen’s Phone Addiction

By Cindy Price

Any parent knows just how attached to their phones teens are. They simply can’t seem to put them down even when they clearly should. Two of my teens were particularly glued to their screens no matter what I did to dissuade them. In fact, at some point, I began worrying that they had a phone or internet addiction.

While this seemed like a manageable issue, it took on a different dimension when my teens started driving. Handing over the car keys to a teen driver is terrifying, even if your state ranks as one of the safest for teen drivers. I was worried about all the things that could go horribly wrong especially if they insisted on focusing on their phones instead of the road.

So I decided to be proactive. I wasn’t going to wait around until disaster struck. I was going to take steps to prevent my kids from texting at the wheel.

Here’s what worked:

Talking to my teens about it
I started addressing the issue of distracted driving way before any of my teens got behind the wheel. I wanted the message to stick so I brought it up often. We talked about the dangers of distracted driving and even the laws against it in our state. I also made them pledge to drive phone-free.

Scaring them a little
My teens often think that I blow things out of proportion. To ensure that they took my advice seriously, I gave them a dose of reality. I had them watch a couple of PSA videos on what happens when you text and drive. That sobered them up quickly.

Setting clear rules and consequences
All my teens understand that driving is a privilege that can be taken away if they aren’t responsible about it. We set the rules together and I made sure they understood the consequences of breaking them. For instance, if one of them texted or called while driving, they were going to lose their driving privileges for 3 months. That seems like forever for teens so it made them take the matter seriously.

Modeling good phone habits
Sometimes we parents are guilty of the very things we’re advising our kids against. We might be telling our teens not to text, call or answer their phones when their attention should be on the road, only to turn around and do those things ourselves. I wanted my teens to have a good example to emulate so I walked the talk. I never use my phone when driving and I also don’t call or text them if I suspect there’s a chance that they’re behind the wheel.

Apps saved the day
Another great tactic that worked was installing apps on my teens’ phones that shut off texting when their cars reached certain speeds. These apps work with the phone’s GPS to monitor speed and can be configured to send automated responses to texts or calls when vehicles hit a speed of your choice.

I still get nervous whenever my teens hop in the driver’s seat but I’m happy to know they’ve taken my advice to heart

Cindy Price would like to say she's a parenting expert but she knows better than to do that. As a parent educator and writer for over 15 years, she's well-aware how quickly parenting practices evolve. Family is her greatest joy and she hopes her writing can help make families stronger. 

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