ML Interest Tag: wave

As My Kids Grow Up, I Feel Sadness for What We Have Lost

By Leslie Kuckler

This has been a challenging year for me.  My sixteen year old seems like he has grown not only inches per day in height but also worlds away in maturity and independence.  My daughter, and my youngest, has just turned thirteen.  This officially makes me a mom to two teenagers.  The thing is, that it is not just their age and physical size that catches me off guard and makes me feel suddenly older than I thought.  It is also the distinct change in the dynamics of our relationships.

I have always loved being a mom and have found so much of my fulfillment in that role.  I’ve loved serving my kids, providing for them and being needed by them.  When they were younger, my days revolved around their needs, both physical and emotional.  My favorite times were being with them and I know that they looked forward to any time we could plan together for family outings, game nights, movie nights, night-time tuck ins, lazy summer afternoons and trips to the library.  It seems like at every age and stage they have gone through I’ve said, “This is my favorite age”.  Now I find myself questioning how I feel about this stage.

For the first time I have mixed emotions and, sadly, I think it is probably due to selfish notions on my part.  You see, I believe the whole purpose of raising children is to help them become responsible and independent adults someday.  That’s the goal, right?  We don’t raise them hoping that they’ll stay dependent and needy of us forever, do we?  I know that the changes that are taking place are good and right and as they are meant to be.  I just have to adjust my outlook and my own mindset to accept the changes and find the joy in the young adults my children are becoming.

I think the challenge for me is that, if I’m honest, most of the maturing and growing that I see in my kids brings a little bit of sadness to me for what we have lost.  I feel a thrilling joy in seeing my teenage son start to drive and see him dream of the freedom and opportunities that a license will bring.  At the same time, part of me is thinking ahead to all the times we’ll miss in the car together when I won’t need to drive him to friends’ houses and sports practices and to and from school.  I love seeing that both of my children are now old enough to make themselves dinner if we are out and put themselves to bed.

It makes me happy to know that they are responsible and independent enough to take care of themselves.  However, what does this mean for me?  Does this mean that they don’t need me to take care of them anymore?  For so long I hoped and prayed for my kids to have good, strong and meaningful friendships.  My desire was for them to find friends they could trust and confide in and friends who would bring out the best in them, appreciating them for who they are.  Careful what you wish for!  Now it feels like I can barely keep them home or away from friends and social activities long enough to have a meaningful conversation.  Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in the corner waving a sign that says, “I’m over here.  What about me?”

The truth is that when I step back and really look at the changes that are taking place and the feelings that I feel, what I find is a lot of joy and pride (and probably some misplaced self-pity).  These changes taking place in my kids are all part of the normal and good path of growing up.  Becoming more responsible, desiring independence and putting a high value on a social life are all positive things.  I’m thankful to see these traits in my children.  What I’m learning is that my perspective needs to change and grow too.

I need to start accepting this growth for the good thing that it is.  I need to focus on all the positive aspects of our relationships and the many new things to love about this stage of their lives (like deeper adult conversations, insights into their thoughts and opinions that are different from my own, getting to know their friends and having them start to give back more when help is needed).  I need to stop feeling sorry for the time I’m missing with them and choose to see, instead, new ways to fill that time and that purpose that I desire.  Through a year of witnessing change and growth in my kids, I’ve realized that they do still need me, but just in a different way.  I sometimes feel like a coach and motivator, sometimes just a listener, sometimes a friend, and often still a driver and supplier and cook and disciplinarian.  In all these roles I feel great love and gratitude and think I’m learning to say, “This, too, is my favorite age”.

Remember, the goal is not to raise great kids; it’s to raise kids who become great adults.

 

This post originally appeared on choosetoseegood.com.

I choose to see the good each day. I am a happily married mom of two teenagers who also works part-time. I write about my thoughts and observations of good thing. My goal is to inspire readers to find joy without changing their circumstances, but by merely changing their view. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

These Are the Best Cars for Car Seats in 2019, According to a New Report

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Not all cars are made equal, especially when it comes to hauling around kids. Choosing a car when you become a parent isn’t just as simple as waving goodbye to your sporty, convertible and jumping into the nearest minivan. A new report highlights the best 2019 cars for car seats.

In honor of National Child Passenger Safety Week, Cars.com has just released it’s annual Car Seat Check Honor Roll for 2019. The list includes the best vehicles of the year for ease of use and installation of car seats. Out of 80 cars tested, the cars chosen all allow for ample room to install a car seat and easy to access Latch systems.

This year’s list includes 13 vehicles earning an “A” grade, more than ever before, Cars.com Editor-in-Chief and certified child passenger safety technician, Jenni Newman explains in the video above. “With 13 vehicles making the 2019 Car Seat Check Honor Roll, it’s clear that automakers recognize the importance of making a vehicle’s Latch system easier to use for parents and caregivers,” Newman said in a press release. “Not all vehicles are created equal or are ideal for easy and safe car seat installation. Our goal is to help break down the overwhelming amount of information for parents so they can make informed vehicle decisions and easily prepare for their growing families.”

Here is the full list of cars that made the Car Seat Check Honor Roll this year.

  • 2019 Toyota Avalon
  • 2019 Hyundai Santa Fe
  • 2019 Jaguar I-Pace
  • 2019 Volvo V60
  • 2019 Toyota Camry
  • 2019 Subaru Forester
  • 2019 Volkswagen Tiguan
  • 2019 Toyota RAV4
  • 2019 Nissan Murano
  • 2019 Nissan Maxima
  • 2019 Volkswagen Atlas
  • 2019 BMW X7
  • 2019 Toyota 4Runner

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Amazon

 

RELATED STORIES

Test Drive the New Nuna EXEC All-In-One Car Seat

Walmart’s Car Seat Recycling Event Is Coming to 4,000 Stores in September

This Mom’s Car Seat Belt Safety Covers Are Going Viral for a Very Good Reason

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

The Museum of Illusions

by Melissa Heckscher

You know how sometimes the pictures of what you did are way better than what you actually did? Like, you know, that time you went to the beach with your kids and spent 95 percent of the time in a state of anxiety but nevertheless took to your social media accounts later to post photos of your smiling brood enjoying a #familybeachday? That’s kind of the point at the Museum of Illusions, a pop-up exhibit on Hollywood Blvd. that puts visitors in front of various backdrops designed to take photos, solely to share. Scroll through to see what we thought and if you should go too.

Basically, the museum is a ticketed photo shoot that’ll make all your Facebook followers jealous. The “illusion” is really just that the backdrops are dimensional enough to make it look (kind of) like you’re doing whatever the scenery implies. The photos will show your kids scrambling up the side of a deep ravine…and tiptoeing on floating blocks high above the city.

Waving from inside giant bubbles…

And doing bizarrely wonderful stuff like this…

And this…

Kids will love role-playing their way through the museum, and grown-ups will love sending the finished photos to friends and family. Suffice it to say, the place needs no actual advertising to sustain its popularity (#genius). And it is popular: Expect to wait 30-60 minutes to get in if you visit on a weekend and about 15 minutes if you visit on a weekday. Museum organizers say you can avoid the wait if you pre-buy timed tickets online.

The Cost of Cool

So what’s the price for a destination that offers really cool pictures but no actual activity in which to partake (besides posing for all those really cool pictures)?

You can purchase tickets on the Museum of Illusion’s website for $25 (it’s $10 for kids 6-12 and free for kids under 6), or get $20 adult tickets at Goldstar.com. Sure, it’s a bit pricey for what you’re actually doing, but considering the dozens of seriously fun pictures you’ll have when all is said and done, we think it’s totally worth it. And just think of the super-weird holiday cards you could send this year!

If you don’t want to schlep to Hollywood for a single excursion, consider that the museum is nestled next to the Hollywood Wax Museum; across the street from the Ripley’s Believe it or Not!; and a block east of the bustling Hollywood and Highland Center. So make like a tourist and stay a while, especially when the grandparents are in town.

Note: Park at the Hollywood & Highland Center for only $2 for four hours if you dine or shop in the complex. 

Museum of Illusions
6751 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles
747-274-9374
Online: bigfunny.net

Note: When we visited, there was no working elevator to take visitors to the second floor (museum organizers say this has yet to be fixed). Keep this in mind if you’re bringing strollers or if anyone in your party is unable to climb stairs. 

Have you been to The Museum of Illusions? Show us your cool photos in the comments below!

— Story and photos by Melissa Heckscher

RELATED STORIES:

Things To Do With Kids in LA

Tracking LA’s Most Instagrammable Walls

Now Open: Museum of Failure

 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Say Goodbye to One of Your Favorite Lucky Charms’ Marshmallows

by Erica Loop

There’s news in the cereal world — and it isn’t good. General Mills will retire the hourglass marshmallow from Lucky Charms. Yep, that’s right. The beloved “charm” (that has been in the mix since 2008) is taking its final bow and waving goodbye to the breakfast aisle. Oh, but this isn’t exactly the first change for the monumental munchy marshmallow-packed cereal.

While you, and your kiddo, may think of Lucky Charms in its modern marshmallow form, it hasn’t always looked that way. In 1963, when the cereal was first released, it was filled with green clovers, pink hearts, orange stars and yellow moons. In 1975 a new addition made its way to the cereal box. The blue diamond joined the sugary sweet line-up but sadly didn’t stick around for the long-run.

By 1983 the marshmallow roster had changed again, adding purple horseshoes to the mix. This was followed by red balloons in 1989, green trees in 1991, rainbows in 1992, blue moons in 1995, leprechaun hats in 1997, orange shooting stars in 1998, a crystal ball in 2011 and an hourglass in 2008.

With the retirements have come replacements, obviously. So which marshmallow will replace the decade-old hourglass? General Mills, the maker of Lucky Charms, is still yet to say.

What’s your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow? Share your pick in the comments below.

—Erica Loop

 

RELATED STORIES:

For Serial Foodies: 5 Kid-Friendly Recipes That Use Cereal

11 Surprising Things You Can Do with Cereal (Besides Eat It for Breakfast)

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

When the Little Moments Outshine the Big Ones

By Andrew Knott

Emotions are hard to predict. In the days and weeks leading up to my oldest child’s first day of kindergarten, I was certain that my emotions would get the better of me. But, when the big day finally came, everything felt surprisingly routine. We woke up early, rushed around to get ready, and took our first day pictures in the front yard before driving to school. We arrived, successfully navigated the hectic crush of cars and people, parked, and all piled out of our car to walk Jacob up to the school’s front door.

And that was pretty much it. His teacher, who we had met the day before, happened to arrive at the office door to collect her students just as we entered. We said our goodbyes and he walked away down the hall, his oversized Ninja Turtles backpack resting comfortably on his narrow shoulders. We then walked back to our car and carried on with our day. There were still two other children in the house to care for, so there was plenty to do.

I certainly expected that first drop-off to be more dramatic and emotional. So, after the first day was successfully in the books, I figured we were out of the woods. I was wrong. One day the next week, I dropped Jacob off in the car line for the first time because he asked to do it that way. Leading up to this day, I had always parked and walked him up to the door like we did on day one. We pulled into the school parking lot and inched forward in the line of cars as we creeped along the snaking drive that winds its way to a covered walkway in front of the school. I was a bit nervous as our turn to unload approached. I was worried both about Jacob being able to get himself out of the car in a reasonable amount of time and what he would do when he got out. Did he even know where to go?

When it came time to stop and unload, everything went perfectly. A teacher opened Jacob’s door and he hopped out. He slid the straps of his backpack on, said goodbye, and stepped up onto the sidewalk. Then he hurried along in the direction of the school, racing to catch up as we rolled away so he could wave one last time. If there is one thing you can count on, it’s that my kids never miss an opportunity to wave. But, once the waving was done, I looked in the rearview mirror and saw him bopping along toward the school building. He seemed so grown up. And that’s when it hit me.

In the muddle that is the early years of parenting it can be easy to forget obvious things. Like that your kids aren’t appendages of yourself; they are their own individual persons. In those first years, you get so used to having your children with you all the time, reliant on you for everything, often attached to your very person, that it’s easy to forget the separateness of your existence. But when they are suddenly out of your sight and away from your touch for seven hours a day, five days per week, this obvious truth becomes very apparent.

So, it was at this moment, this unexpectedly poignant moment, that I finally realized this mundane reality: my children are very much becoming their own people. Sure, they still need me, but little by little, day by day, the need recedes or shifts.

It’s funny how much we build up the big moments—the first days of school, the first words, the first steps—when it’s often the little moments that sneak up on us and leave us surreptitiously wiping our eyes in the car.

Featured Photo Courtesy: Michelle C Photography

Andrew is a writer from Orlando, Florida and father of three. He is a regular contributor to numerous publiations including McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Huff Post, The Funny Times, TODAY Parents, and Parent.co. His website is Explorations of Ambiguity. His first book, Fatherhood: Dispatches From the Early Years, is available now. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Woof! Roar! Oink! 11 Animal-Themed Books Your Baby Will Love

by Oz Spies

Have a baby or toddler who loves visiting the zoo and waving to all the neighborhood dogs? Then we have some books for you. Your little one will love learning animal sounds while flipping through these stories packed with pictures of cute and cuddly animals. Below, you’ll find 11 fantastic animal-themed books, from old favorites to soon-to-be classics, that will turn your animal lover into a bookworm.

Baby Animals Take a Nap

Want your little one to drift off to dreamland? This collection of snoozing animal friends just might encourage your babe to go to sleep. Sweet illustrations combine with interesting facts about animal sleeping patterns (dolphins nap while they swim!) in this sturdy board book.

Available at amazon.com, $6.99.

 

What are your favorite animal-themed books for babies and toddlers?

— Oz Spies

featured photo: StockSnap via Pixabay

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Make Tracks for the Best Train Museums in the Country

by Allison Sutcliffe

You’re never too old to ride the rails. To help you discover (and explore) a few awesome engines, we tracked down the best train museums from coast to coast. Whether you’re a big buff or a little buff, these historic sites, antique collections, and interactive exhibits will keep you clickety-clacking down the track. Flip through the album to see them all.

Steamtown – Scranton, Pa

This heritage museum is also a National Historic Site. It's built around a working turntable and roundhouse, and the complex is made up of several museums: history, which follows the timeline of the railroad and the people who worked it, and the technology, which exhibits the gadgets, gizmos, and working parts that make a railroad work. Kids will get a thrill when they see the sectioned steam locomotive, and everyone can take a ride with a park ranger on a real working engine!

Online: nps.gov

photo: Chung Chu via Flickr

Did we miss your favorite museum? Tell us about it in a Comment.

— Allison Sutcliffe

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

11 Major First Year Milestones & When to Expect Them

by Kelley Gardiner

Can’t wait for baby to wave hello or pull up to stand on her own two feet? Milestones are as exciting for you as they are for the little ones who are learning to explore their worlds in new ways. Here you’ll discover 11 of the big ones that’ll happen in Baby’s first year. Remember, no two children are alike – your child might reach milestones at different times and that’s okay. Talk to your baby’s doctor if you have any questions or concerns.

photo: Brian via flickr

Smiling: 2 Months
Is that a gas pain? No, it’s a real social smile! At about two months, baby will start to flash you that not-so-toothy grin when she’s happy. Soak it up – you’ve earned it. Now you’ll probably be doing anything to see that smile. It won’t be too long until they bust out the laughs and giggles.

photo: Thomas via flickr

Voluntary Grasping: 3-4 months
Around three to four months, your little one will be able to grasp objects like blocks. She still can’t pick up smaller objects like peas – that comes later with the pincer grasp. Anything she picks up will probably go into the mouth for taste testing so now is the time to pay attention to what’s in Baby’s reach.

photo: Ian Grove-Stephensen via flickr

Rolling Over: 4-5 Months
Watch out! Baby is on the move. By about four months, most babies can roll themselves over from belly to back. By six months, they’ll probably be able to roll from back to belly, too, and you might have your first “Where did he go?!” moment.

photo: Lars Plougmann via flickr

Laughing: 4 Months
Someone’s got the giggles! Time to ramp up your peekaboo programs, because this is about the time you’ll start to hear those sweet baby laughs.

photo: Pedro Serapio via flickr

Sleeping Through the Night: 4 to 6 Months
At this point, sleeping through the night means six hours at a time. And not all babies get there. Or if they do, as soon as you start bragging to your friends, they’ll start waking up again. Still, baby is capable of sleeping through the night now, and you should be getting a little relief from that newborn exhaustion.

photo: Emergency Brake via flickr

Sitting Up: 5-6 Months
By now, your baby should be strong enough to sit on your lap or assisted with a pillow, allowing for a whole new worldview and new games. He should be able to play and enjoy peekaboo around six months, too. And by seven to nine months, baby can sit up unassisted; first for a minute or two at a time, and then longer and longer.

photo: Donnie Ray Jones via flickr

Crawling: 6-10 Months
Some babies never crawl; they scoot, roll and scooch until it’s time to walk. Others never learn to crawl with their bellies off the floor. Others crawl for months and take their time learning to walk. No matter how your little one moves, you’re probably going to be doing a lot of moving, too! It’s time to start expanding your baby-proofing operations.

photo: Sean Freese via flickr

Pulling Up: 8 Months
Put the crib mattress at the lowest setting: baby can pull up! Soon, she’ll learn to cruise – take small steps while holding on to furniture. Then, you can encourage her to take some small steps in between the couch and you, and you’ll have a walker on your hands.

photo: Dean Wissing via flickr

Waving: 9 Months
Bye bye, Baby! Some babies wave much earlier, but by about nine months, they’ll be using their “hello” and “bye bye” waves in context. Be ready for your heart to melt the first time you leave your little nugget and get a little wave.

photo: Ly Thien Hoang (Lee) via flickr

Walking: 10-18 Months
Walking is a huge milestone that Baby has to work up to slowly, so there’s a wide range of when kids start moving on two feet. Most will take their first shaky steps by thirteen months or so. Some kids start out wobbly and stay wobbly for a while, and others prefer to wait until they feel a little more sure. It all depends on their personality, development and motivation.

photo: Philippe Put via flickr

Talking: One Year & Beyond
By the year mark, you’ll probably be hearing those golden “mamas” and “dadas” that you’ve been longing for. As the second year develops, baby will add more and more vocabulary, and by his second birthday, grammar will develop enough for two-word sentences like “Mama read” or “Me eat.”

What milestone are you looking forward to most? Let us know in the Comments!

—Kelley Gardiner

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Off the Handlebars: Have It All, Don’t Have It All, Who Cares?

by Allison Ellis

A note from the Editor: While Red Tricycle mama Allison Ellis can only dream of having it all (hey, we’re all allowed to dream of George Clooney, right?), apparently some women can indeed have it all. Take Marissa Mayer, the former Google exec turned CEO of Yahoo, who not only hit headlines for her new role, but also for the fact that she’s pregnant and due in October. Apparently, nothing is standing in Marissa’s way from having a fulfilling career, family, and personal life. What’s the secret, Marissa? Are you really super woman? 

Ever since the Atlantic Monthly posted Anne-Marie Slaughter’s July cover story, Why Women Still Can’t Have it All, I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with women (or anyone) I know that “has it all.” Hmm . . . let’s see: How about her? Well . . . almost, not quite. Those two? Nope. Totally faking it. What about . . . oh jeez, definitely no.

“Having it all” is an elusive concept, don’t you think? A moving target. I mean, what does “it” even mean? I don’t even know. But if I did – here is how I would have “it” my way: I’m married to George Clooney. He’s hot and superrich – and makes a difference in the world and all that good stuff – but he’s not quite as successful and influential as I am at my really high profile powerhouse of a job where I only work from 10:00am – 2:30pm every day, except for Fridays and Mondays. Georgy is a great dad, and everything about our partnership is 100% equal – split straight down the middle, no eye rolling or anything. Together we have 2.5 perfectly healthy and gorgeous offspring who sleep through the night and spend their days frolicking in our organic backyard farm/garden/waterfront compound that is located just steps from downtown near all the best restaurants. Our kids shun their delicate eyes from any form of electronics and instead read Newbery winners for entertainment, that is, when they aren’t penning their own award-winning titles.

My job as CEO/bestselling author/fashion model/global warming expert is stimulating and challenging (yet never draining) and even though I rarely need to brush my hair or get out of my pajamas (thanks to my state-of-the art home office and avatars who do everything). I’m frequently seen on TV as an expert and go-to person who always has the most sought-after ideas. Did I also mention that I have a cooking show and I’m starting my own cable network soon? Ahhh, the life. I’m so busy! And yet, sometimes, you know, I feel like something is missing. Like maybe I’m not doing enough.

Ms. Slaughter loosely defines “having it all” as being both a mom and a top professional. Piece of cake! I can be a top professional too – isn’t that called getting my kids to school on time and making sure they stay out of juvy? Slaughter is a role model – let’s take a look at what she’s up to now that she downsized her career and quit working for Hil so she could spend more quality time with her academic superstar of a husband and two teenage sons: “I teach a full course load; write regular print and online columns on foreign policy; give 40 to 50 speeches a year; appear regularly on TV and radio; and am working on a new academic book.” Oh, and she also writes timely and thought-provoking cover stories for the Atlantic Monthly. I like this gal, really, I do, but she makes me feel like an underachiever.

Maybe you’re the type of mom who let out a huge sigh of relief after reading Slaughter’s article (finally, someone who gets it!). Or maybe you got angry (this whole work-life balance thing is a load of BS and we need to change it, stat!). Or competitive (cool, one more down – more glass ceiling for me!) Or any other type of emotion appropriate for us parents of a certain post-modern age. Me? I’m rooting around in search of a paper bag I can breath into so I can make sense of it all.

Don’t get me wrong: It’s not like I don’t find the issues interesting or worthy of discussion. This is the kind of stuff that is fodder for social and economic change – meaty issues I’d like to gobble up more often. If I weren’t so tired. And working so hard already. The never-ending cycle of work-life balance controversy and mommy wars debates simply wears me out. Hearing about women who “have it all” or who are even trying to “have it all” sounds like there’s a scorecard – and if we don’t play the game, not only will the Slaughters and Sandbergs of the world wave a scolding finger at us, but so will the Steinems, Friedans and Cady Stantons who came before us.

So I give up! I’m waving a fistful of baby wipes from Costco as my surrender flag. For the love of judgmental parents across the country, can’t we all lighten up a little?

What do you think – what’s “it” going to take to solve this issue once and for all? More baby wipes, more Clooney, more  . . .?

–Allison Ellis  (reporting live from under a mossy covered rock in Seattle where she juggles two kids and one freelance writing career).

Editor’s note: This tongue-in-cheek opinion piece is the first in a series of humor essays in a new parenting column for Red Tricycle called “Off The Handlebars.” Love it? Hate it? Let us know what you think.

photo courtesy of Chip Simons

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement