I Secretly Hate My Husband

By BA Eubank

January 18, 2021

Photo: Susbany via Pixabay

I don’t hate my husband as a person. He’s not a bad guy. He’s a good husband and a great dad. But I hate that he gets to be the dad.

Let’s face it: dads have it easy. I’m sure every dad reading this instantly balks and is starting their own list of how they have it harder.

Let me break it down for you. Moms grow this tiny human in her body for nine, long, excruciating months. We suffer morning sickness, sore boobs, and massive weight gain, which can take years to lose, if ever.

We have to push this tiny human out of our bodies, which is the most pain one will ever feel in their lifetime. Not to mention burning agony every time we pee for days after.

If one goes the c-section route, it’s not any better. For days it will hurt just to walk. And gosh forbid we stretch the stitches wrong.

Then there’s the infant stage. Men somehow can sleep through every squawk and wail. So that leaves it up to us moms to change their diapers and either nurse them or make a bottle and try to get them back to sleep.

How many diapers do dads change, especially when it’s a blowout? One excuse I’ve heard many times is moms are just better at that stuff. Can I tell you something? It’s not because we’re better at it. We’re just better at sucking it up and doing what needs to be done.

Dads get to go to the bathroom alone. Not once does a kid barge in while they’re doing their business to tell them something mundane. Sure, moms could lock the door, but then we have tiny fists pounding on it as they scream to let them in.

Moms are the keeper of the monitor. When the monsters you’ve created are finally asleep, moms are the ones who always have to keep an ear and eye on the monitor, ready to jump up and console the little ones before they fully wake and will take hours to get back asleep.

How many baths do dads give their kids? For example, I will use my family. We have four kids. Let’s average two baths a week. Bath twice a week for their first six years. 2×52 = 104 baths a year for one kid times 6 years= 624 x 4 kids = 2496. Guess how many my husband has given. Two. Two baths out of almost 2,500.

Kids come to mom for almost everything. Anytime mom is in the shower, kids will want a snack or can’t find a toy, they barge in and ask mom even though dad is sitting on the couch, readily available.

When it’s time to go somewhere, moms must get little ones ready. We fight to get shoes and coats on. The whole while, dad stands there, repeating that it’s time to go as shoes sail past his head.

If the family is going away on vacation, dads pack their stuff up and are done. Moms need to pack up the children’s clothes, spare clothes, favorite stuffed animals, things to do in the car. If she is lucky, she won’t forget any of her stuff when it’s time to leave.

Moms are the finder of all things. Kids are notoriously known to lose a vast array of items. Most likely because they never put things back where they belong. Kids and dads alike will spend an hour looking with no luck. Moms will come along and find whatever it is in a place right in front of their faces.

When dads get sick, they’re allowed to rest in bed all day. And I mean ALL damn day. While moms have to keep kids entertained, play referee, and make meals between puke fests to the bathroom.

When kids are sick, who do they want? Mom, of course. We’re the ones up most of the night holding the puke bowl and monitoring temperatures. We’re the ones who get puked on because we fell asleep for ten minutes next to them while dad gets to sleep peacefully alone.

After dealing with all the headaches we moms go through, I’ve decided in my next life, I want to be the dad.

BA Eubank

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

BA Eubank is a wife and mom of five kids. She's been through all the stages from colicky baby to one leaving the nest. She squeezes writing in between playing referee and asking the dog what's in his mouth.

5 Tips to Prioritize Healthy Eating during Pregnancy

By Dr. Alan Lindemann

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

January 6, 2021

Photo: Derick McKinney on Unsplash

The start of the new year is perhaps the most common time for people to begin a new healthy eating regimen or go on a diet. While traditional dieting is off the table, women entering the new year with a new pregnancy may find themselves wondering how best to eat mindfully to support themselves and their unborn children.

These five healthy pregnancy eating tips will help you get some of the essentials down. If you have any specific concerns, always contact your trusted care provider.

Here are some of the most common questions I receive from pregnant women about how to manage diet during pregnancy.

1. What kind of diet helps control morning sickness?

Eat a balanced diet with equal parts protein, fat, and carbohydrates. This is not a time for low- or high-carb or specialized diets.

Especially during the first trimester, low blood sugar can cause problems, from nausea to not feeling like eating. When you wake up in the morning, eat a couple of crackers and drink some water or juice, then lie back down in bed and let the food get into your system. When you do get up, you should feel more like eating. That’s the time to eat a small amount of protein, fat, and carbohydrates. Then take your shower. It’s hard to even imagine that the timing of a shower can cause nausea, but it does. It is the combination of low blood pressure and low blood sugar.

2. How do I eat for two, three, four, or five babies? Eat three meals a day with three little meals in between. (This will help control nausea as well.) All meals should include protein, fat, and carbohydrates. Aim for 1/3 carbohydrates, 1/3 fat, and 1/3 protein in each meal. A mixture of 40 percent carbohydrates, 40 percent protein, and 20 percent fat also works.

If you eat a balanced diet, three big and three small meals will cause you to gain about 2—3 pounds per month. If you are carrying twins or multiples, you may gain about 4 pounds per month—though no one really knows the optimum weight gain for twins, triplets, or quadruplets. Stay in touch with your doctor and monitor your weight as your pregnancy progresses.

3. What do I do about food cravings? For the most part, eat what you crave. The old ice cream and pickles tradition aren’t really so bad for pregnant women. The ice cream includes all the food groups: protein, carbs, and fat (avoid low-fat ice cream). Pickles might supply electrolytes that the ice cream doesn’t.

4. What if I’m hungry all the time? Try to eat food that is good for you. Fruit (pears, apples, oranges, bananas, grapes), cottage cheese, eggs, and nuts are all good choices. Avoid processed cheeses (i.e., Velveeta, spray cheese).

5. What if I’m not hungry at all? Your first job is to avoid vomiting.

Dealing with nausea, anorexia, and optimal weight gain during pregnancy requires not only attention to what to eat, but when to eat it.

Not being able to eat is hard to manage because it goes against what we think we know about pregnancy. Just the notion of not being able to eat during pregnancy is counter-intuitive. Find something that will stay down, even if it is Coke and potato chips. Start out with a very small amount. If it stays down, wait 45 minutes to an hour and try to eat a small amount of a healthier food.

Remember that pregnant women are extremely sensitive to smell. They can easily lose their appetite by smelling the wrong thing, even cooking food. Those who are not pregnant smell cooking food, get hungry, and if they don’t get to eat in 60 to 90 minutes, they may even get nauseated. This bodily reaction goes into warp speed with pregnancy, reaching the nausea stage within 15 minutes. If you’re pregnant, cooking for your family, and feel hungry, eat a piece of cheese or some fruit while you’re cooking and you may still be able to eat with your family.

Another option is to avoid cooking. Pick up take-out food or get someone else to cook. If you can eat three meals a day with three to four small meals throughout the day, pregnancy will go better.

Dr. Alan Lindemann

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

An obstetrician and maternal mortality expert, “Rural Doc” Alan Lindemann, M.D. teaches women and families how to create the outcomes they want for their own health and pregnancy. In nearly 40 years of practice, he has delivered around 6,000 babies and achieved a maternal mortality rate of zero! Visit LindemannMD.com

Easy Home Workout Solutions After Baby

by #MomLifeOctober 30, 2020

Chrissy Rucker

A first time mom and fitness enthusiast, trying to find balance between #momlife and my passion for fitness

Not only is the opportunity to be a mom a miracle in itself, but the way a woman’s body is able to change and prioritize the creation of life is simply beautiful. However, the reality is that postpartum isn’t always easy. A fitness enthusiast for over 5 years, I transformed by body to be as healthy and “”prepared” for baby when my husband and I decided to try and conceive. I was strong in the gym, my endurance was better than it ever had been—I loved my body!

My birth story is a little different than most. I delivered a micro-preemie at just 24 weeks via emergency C-section—my son arrived weighing just 1lb 10oz. I had gained 30lbs at this point and pairing weight gain with the painful recovery of a C-section, it took an extreme toll on my mental health. Regardless of my birth story, my postpartum struggles are like most new moms. Stress. Anxiety. Unfamiliarity with this new “”normal”” life. And like so many times before, fitness became my outlet.

But it was different…I had half the time, not much endurance, I lost nearly all my core strength and muscle tone and my body just didn’t move like it used to. For the first time in years, fitness was hard…really hard! But as moms do and do best…we adapt! We take charge and we forge on.

How I was able to take charge of my postpartum fitness journey:

Self-affirmations – My body may never be the same again, after all, it created a baby! But it is my body and I will love my body how it is.

Listen to your body – Instead of trying to fit myself into a thought of what I SHOULD be like postpartum, I let my body decide and take charge.

Nutrition – I ate with the main purpose of providing nutrients for my baby. Healthy carbs and fats such as oatmeal, eggs, lean proteins, and vegetables kept my milk supply up, and slowly allowed weight to come off.

Time – I used to know her, but not so much anymore. My workouts had to be simple, quick, and most times at home. I made sure to incorporate a balance of resistance band training along with free weights and cardio.

Stretch – Mobility is key, so I found stretching and keeping my body in motion was essential to a full and healthy recovery.

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Weighted Medicine Ball

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Speed Jump Rope

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Mobility and stretching are some of the most forgotten part of fitness. Your body has been through so much, it is important to stretch and recover often. These mats are so soft you can use them anywhere.

5 Constructive Ways to Get Your Kid off Screens

By Natasha Ramirez

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

September 14, 2020

Photo: Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash

It’s no surprise that we’re spending more time than ever in front of a screen. Children spend an average of up to six hours a day in front of a screen, and teens spend up to 9 hours! “Where in the world did they pick up these toxic habits?” I ask myself, looking up from my screen.

Today, you can’t avoid screens completely. But internet dependence is a growing problem for kids and adults around the world. Because your brain continues to develop until you’re around 25 years old, children and teens are more at risk of developing an addiction to tech. I don’t think anyone parent wants to sit next to their tween at a Tech-aholic Anonymous meeting—is there such a thing?

It’s more important than ever to raise your child with a healthy relationship with technology. To be honest, limiting screens is something that would benefit even us adults.

Signs Your Kid Needs a Digital Detox

Technology addiction is a real medical concern. Much like you can become addicted to smoking, you can get addicted to being in front of a screen. With social media apps like Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok generating literally thousands of videos and posts per minute and draining time from your child’s life, a digital detox may be needed.

Having too much screen time can show up in your child in a lot of different ways:

Weight gain or weight loss
Irritability and increased aggression
Impulsive behavior
Mood swings
Low grades in school
Issues falling and staying asleep
Poor body image
Social issues such as difficulty communicating face-to-face

Researchers are unsure whether these behavioral problems cause screen addiction, or if children with behavioral problems simply gravitate towards electronics. Either way, too much screen time can harm your child’s cognitive and social development.

How to Limit Screen Time

1. Set Screen Time Expectations. The first thing you need to do before giving your child screen access is to set expectations and rules on how to use it. Giving your child freedom as they grow is an important part of development. But you also need to be their protector and limit access to things that could harm them until they’re old enough to make decisions themselves.

For younger children, your tech rules could focus on how many minutes of screen time per day they can have. And consequences could be losing screen time or the device for a day. Since older children will have more freedom, the rules will be a bit different. Discuss expectations about what types of sites to stay away from, why they should keep their device in a public space, and what time in the evening they should put screens away.

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, screen time is up in many homes. With more schools switching to a virtual classroom, children are stuck at home in front of a screen the majority of the day. That screen time adds up quickly. Make sure you stress the importance of time away from screens whenever possible.

2. Use Tech to Fight Tech. It’s not just you—parents all over the world are struggling to get their children off of screens. Thankfully, most cell phones now have parental control features to limit screen time and control what apps your child can access. App stores have lots of options you can download that will get your child to finally look up from their screens. The Activate Fitness app will only let kids unlock games after reaching an activity goal like doing jumping jacks or running up a flight of stairs. Qustodio can track your child’s location and screen unwanted internet content like pornography. A simple search for parental control apps will show just how easy it can be to limit your child’s tech time.

3. Go Outside. One of the easiest ways to get your kid off their phone is to take them outside! Whether you’re going on a bike ride in your neighborhood or on a hike in the mountains, your kids will be forced to be off their devices. The lack of cell service and WiFi in the mountains also helps limit their screen time. Make sure you’re abiding by safe social distancing guidelines because of COVID-19 concerns. This means staying at least six feet away from hikers whenever possible, choosing a trail close to home, and wearing a face mask when near other hikers.

4. Create Screen-Free Zones. Just like many adults like to keep their bedroom a T.V.-free area, creating screen-free zones around your home can help limit your child’s screen time. Areas like bedrooms, the kitchen table, and the car are great screen-free zones. Removing screens from bedrooms will also help them get more sleep, have better quality sleep, and prevent mental health problems such as depression. Mealtimes and car rides are a great way to connect as a family. It’s important to have these family bonding moments, and time away from devices can give your child’s brain a much-needed rest!

Remember that children learn from their parents. If you set a good example and follow similar screen time limits, your child will be more likely to follow your lead.

5. Be Consistent in Enforcing Your Rules. Don’t let your child wear you down when it comes to enforcing your screen time rules. If you give in to their begging, it shows them that rules don’t matter and they can eventually get anything they want! Make sure that all adults in the house are on the same page in what the screen time rules are.

Remember: your child is essentially a tech addict! Withdrawal symptoms like anger, pouting, or crying can happen when you start limiting their screen time. You know what’s best for your child—and that can mean you will make decisions they don’t like. But it’s important for their development that you stick to your guns.

Natasha Ramirez

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Natasha is an avid writer, storyteller, and dog-lover. Her work has carried her from the bustle of New York at Inc. Magazine to the Santa Fe deserts at Outside Magazine. She enjoys writing about family-focused and community-centered stories.

Study Says Children May Not Grow Out of Picky Eating Habits

by Jennifer SwartvagherJune 8, 2020

Once a picky eater, always a picky eater? Science says that may be the case. If your little one often pushes away or refuses to take a bite of a veggie they don’t like, don’t expect them to grow out of it anytime in the near future.

According to a study by the University of Michigan, by four-years-old children could be established picky eaters. Additionally, controlling or trying to restrict your child’s diet may backfire causing them to become more finicky.

“Picky eating is common during childhood and parents often hear that their children will eventually ‘grow out of it.’ But that’s not always the case,” says senior author Megan Pesch, M.D., a developmental behavioral pediatrician at Michigan Medicine C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital.

Researchers found that fussy eaters tend to have a lower body mass index and are not underweight. It is also less likely that they will be overweight or experience obesity.

“We still want parents to encourage varied diets at young ages, but our study suggests that they can take a less controlling approach,” Pesch says. That being said “we need more research to better understand how children’s limited food choices impact healthy weight gain and growth long term.”

The study followed 317 mother-child pairs from low-income homes over a four-year period. Families reported on children’s eating habits and mothers’ behaviors and attitudes about feeding when children were four, five, six, eight and nine.

From preschool to school-age, picky eating habits were stable which indicates that any attempt to expand food choices may need to happen during the toddler or preschool years in order to be effective. High picky eating was associated with lower BMIs and low picky eating with higher BMIs.

Increased pressure to eat and food restrictions was closely associated with reinforcing picky eating habits. This backs up the research conducted by Mott Children’s Hospital. Pressuring children to eat foods they dislike will not lead to a well-rounded diet later in life.

Certain child characteristics, including sex, birth order, and socioeconomic status, also have been associated with persistence of picky eating.

“We found that children who were pickier had mothers who reported more restriction of unhealthy foods and sweets,” Pesch says. “These mothers of picky eaters may be trying to shape their children’s preferences for more palatable and selective diets to be more healthful. But it may not always have the desired effect.”

It is unknown if children who are picky eaters would have become even more selective if they did not receive higher levels of controlling feeding behaviors, Pesch says. She says future studies should investigate interventions around maternal feeding and child picky eating.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Dazzle Jam from Pexels

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Pregnancy & Postpartum Exercise Tips

By Sierra Skelly

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

February 6, 2020

Staying active while pregnant is great for both you and your baby’s health. Whether it be yoga classes, light lifting, or taking walks, any exercise that gets your heart pumping is a fantastic addition to your daily pregnancy routine and a great way to stay healthy. Jaime McFaden, a mom and trainer with audio fitness app Aaptiv, is sharing the various ways you can stay active during and after your pregnancy.

Consistent exercise during pregnancy has countless benefits, including improving your overall health, reducing your risk of weight gain, and can even facilitate a smoother delivery process. However, it’s always most important to listen to your body and base your workouts on how you—and your baby—are feeling. Each pregnancy is different, and there are no hard and fast rules on what you should be doing during each step of your pregnancy.

With that being said, here is a great general guide of the best exercises for pregnant and postpartum women. I suggest trying these out and seeing how your body reacts—every pregnancy is unique, after all.

Workouts by Trimester

Before beginning any exercise, especially while pregnant, be sure to get clearance from your doctor. Additionally, you should be adapting your workout routine based on the trimester you are in. Each trimester comes with its own challenges, so adjusting your workout based on how your body is growing and changing is a necessity.

First Trimester

During the first trimester, women are usually feeling totally normal or like complete crap. The first trimester can be awful for some women, so be sure to listen to how your body is feeling and not to push it too hard. Jaime recommends low-intensity cardio and light strength training. If you didn’t work out regularly before pregnancy, it is essential to ease yourself into an exercise regimen to prevent overworking yourself.

Second Trimester

During the second trimester, Jaime suggests keeping your workouts at an intensity level of 60-70% and warns against pushing your body too hard. Full-body workouts like yoga are a great option during this trimester, as opposed to targeting specific muscle groups with strength training. As your body begins to change more, it’s essential to create a workout routine that is adaptable and sustainable for you.

Third Trimester

The third trimester sometimes feels like it’s never going to end, but don’t worry—you’re in the home stretch! This trimester is when your body is being constantly stretched and pushed, and many expectant moms are feeling especially tired. If you aren’t feeling up for exercise, that’s totally OK! However, if you still want to get your heart pumping, walking, swimming, and other low-intensity exercises like water aerobics are all great options.

Postpartum Exercises

Congratulations on welcoming your new baby into your life! After giving birth, doctors advise against exercising for at least 6-8 weeks. During this time, you can focus on letting your body rest and bonding with your new baby. When you’re feeling comfortable enough, be sure to gradually ease back into exercise by making an effort to move a little every day until you’re feeling up for more.

When you’re starting out exercising again, it’s important to do kegel exercises. Your pelvic floor muscles are weakened during birth, and doing kegel exercises afterward is helpful to strengthen them and prevent incontinence. Kegel exercises may feel more difficult at first, but don’t worry—this is completely normal. In time, everything will start feeling normal again.

Low-impact activities like walking, swimming, yoga, and water aerobics are all great options for postpartum moms to ease back into exercising. Just remember, there is no secret formula for postpartum moms—the best workout is the one that works for you!

Additionally, working on your core strength postpartum is helpful for a quicker recovery. Regaining your core strength and stability is a long process that takes time and patience. It’s suggested to avoid core exercises where you are twisting or laying on your back, like crunches. Some wonderful options include raised leg extensions, the yoga boat, and leg and arm extensions.

Sierra Skelly

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Sierra Skelly is a creative writer and marketer from San Diego. She loves making personal finance and career content fun. When she isn't writing for companies like Haven Life, you can find her reading at the beach or hiking.

Research Sheds Light on Pregnancy-Related Body Shaming

by Erica LoopOctober 17, 2019

Baby weight shaming is just something celeb mamas, who are constantly in the spotlight, experience. According to research from the Worcester Polytechnic Institute’s Angela Incollingo Rodriguez, the stigma of pregnancy and post-pregnancy related weight game is real for nearly two-thirds of women.

While weight gain is a perfectly normal and totally necessary part of pregnancy, plenty of expectant and new mommies feel pressure to stay thin—and as it turns out, society in general and the media are the two top culprits to blame.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3CGpnvppMw/

One of Incollingo Rodriguez’s recent studies looked at how pregnancy-related weight stigma affected 501 women (143 were in their second or third trimesters and 358 had given birth in the past 12 months). The study found that over 33 percent of the women felt weight stigma from “society in general.” Over 24 percent felt this stigma from the media, 21 percent felt it from strangers and another 21 percent felt in from immediate family. The two least picked culprits were healthcare providers (18.4 percent) and friends (14 percent).

Along with the sources of the stigma, Incollingo Rodriguez’s research also revealed that these experiences were linked to depression, stress and dieting behaviors.

Even though Incollingo Rodriguez’s research isn’t exactly a ray of sunshine in your pregnant day, she did note that changing the message women receive about their pregnancy and post-pregnancy bodies could, “spark a much-needed culture shift.” The researcher said, in a press release, “There are already celebrity mothers out there, like model Chrissy Teigen, for example, who are celebrating their healthy bodies, even if their figures are fuller post-baby. That gives a positive message. That’s the goal, ultimately—healthy mom, healthy baby, healthy relationships.”

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Freestocks via Pexels

8 Things to Never Say to a Pregnant Woman & 1 Thing You Should

by Laura HollowayOctober 12, 2019

Pregnancy can be a joyful time, one of excitement and anticipation as we prepare to welcome our own little miracles into the world. But pregnancy is also a challenging time of sleep loss, strange eating habits, sometimes embarrassing bodily functions, and roller-coaster emotions. Sometimes the very last thing pregnant ladies want to hear is exactly what friends, family and strangers at the grocery store choose to say to us. To make things a little easier, here are a few phrases to avoid—and one phrase guaranteed to make a pregnant woman’s day better.

photo: Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

1. You look like you’re about ready to pop!
This expression isn’t only rude, but it’s kind of gross to think about. With the abundance of new stretch marks, the climbing numbers on the scale, and our desire (and right!) to eat whatever we want, the idea that a pregnant lady could pop doesn’t always seem too far-fetched. There are some days we already feel like we actually might pop, so if you could just hold that thought inside your head forever and not vocalize it, that would be great.

2. Are you carrying twins/triplets/a whole litter/some other clever something that indicates we are bigger than we are? (AKA Are you sure there’s only one in there?)
We get it, okay? We are bigger than we normally are, and clever you, you’ve noticed! And you’ve decided to comment on it. Thank you so much for your opinion and for feeling the freedom to voice it so openly. But there’s something you should know: We know we’re getting bigger and you have two choices. Choice one: Lie to us. “Wow, you’re already in your eigh^th month? I would never have guessed anything past month three!” or “My goodness! You’ve only got this tiny bump in the front and you haven’t gained an inch anywhere else!” We know you’re lying, but it’s the kind of feel-good-fib that we need you to pull from your pocket during this time of rapid weight gain. Or choice two: Say absolutely nothing at all. (Always a very safe bet.)

3. You look so tired.
So do you, but we didn’t feel like we had to say that to you, did we? Sorry, didn’t mean to snap. We haven’t slept in several weeks. Yes, we’re tired. The body pillow stopped working long ago in its quest to deliver comfort, and the ache in our backs that the heating pad simply cannot soothe kept us up for hours last night. And then we were up from 2-4 worrying if we had ordered the right car seat, if we did or didn’t believe in epidurals during delivery, if we had remembered to cover that last plug in the bathroom, and if we should have bought stock in Amazon before this month, when it seemed like a Prime package was arriving every day. Then, we had to get up and pee (again), then back to bed for more worrying before finally dragging ourselves to the shower to start our day. Then we had to go to work, or the gym, or our mother-in-law’s house, or a luncheon, or something that required effort and energy, and, most often, a smile on our faces. So yes, we look tired. Because we are very, very tired.

photo: Dave Cobb via Unsplash

4. Anything at all about breastfeeding.
Unless you’re our significant other, obstetrician, doula or lactation consultant, it’s none of your business. So don’t ask unless we bring it up first. Breastfeeding is a natural thing and it’s proven to be one of the most important things for baby, but some women struggle with it. And we don’t have to discuss it with you. And don’t ask us about it when the baby gets here either. Just let us do (or not do) our thing.

5. I bet you want to order pickles and ice cream.
Chances are, probably not. Just because it’s a stereotype doesn’t mean it applies to us. And our hormones are pretty raging right now, so a comment like that (meant in jest and good nature) might just be the thing that pushes us over the edge. We don’t know why; it’s just annoying. So don’t say it. If you think we actually want pickles and ice cream, then go get us some. Along with a box of Apple Jacks, a mango, and some fresh flowers. (Because we’re pregnant and we deserve to be brought flowers.)

6. What’s your birth plan?
Again, not your business unless you’re one of the aforementioned people. Pretty much, unless you’re going to be in the room, assume that information is off-limits to you unless we offer it up ourselves. We might be getting an epidural or we might be going au naturel. We might be waiting around for a week for a little person to finally decide to make an entrance, or we might be inducing (we’re busy, okay?). Whatever our plan is, it’s our business and none of yours.

photo: Jessie Holloway

7. You must be excited about being a stay-at-home-mom.
Again with the assumptions! Some women want to stay at home with their little ones for as long as they can; some have to go back to work; and some are excited to go back to work. Some women work from home and juggle both. Here’s all you need to know: It’s not 1950 anymore and a woman has the right to decide her next steps after baby arrives. And whatever she decides is a good decision, because it’s hers.

8. (After asking if it’s a boy or a girl) Are you going to try again for a girl/boy?
Why is it that some people are never satisfied? And can we please just finish growing this baby before we start talking about another one? You never know what we have gone through to be carrying this one, and maybe we would like to take some time to be able to be truly grateful for our currently growing little one. And what’s more, we may be completely satisfied with the boy or girl we are carrying, and we don’t have any intention of having another. Or maybe our hearts did fall a little when we cut into that gender-revealing cake and saw pink when we were hoping to see blue. Most likely, we’re just fine with whatever is coming our way, but with the swollen feet, pounding headache and weird body functions we’re currently experiencing, the last thing we want to think about right now is doing it all over again! Whatever it is that’s going on in our heads, it’s best to leave that subject alone.

photo: Herney via Pixabay

Stumped on what you should say to pregnant woman? There’s one thing that will always land right and keep your foot as far away from your mouth as humanly possible: “You’re doing a great job.”
It’s not easy to create a life (at least not for the mother), and carrying a baby gets harder and harder the larger we grow. Of course, we’re excited and grateful, but pregnancy is tough, and sometimes all we really need to hear are the words, “You’re doing a great job.” And you know what? Those five words are still going to be some of our favorite words to hear for the next 18 years (and beyond) as we navigate the crazy world of motherhood, so use them often.

—Laura Holloway

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Preemie Essentials: All the Products New Parents Need

by Eva Ingvarson CeriseAugust 27, 2019

Bringing your premature baby home from the hospital is an exciting milestone. To help both of you adjust to life at home, we’ve rounded up the products you’ll need for your preemie, from baby gear to bottles and much more. Congratulations to your NICU graduate!

photo: bingngu93 via Pixabay

Talk to your pediatrician and the NICU staff for specific recommendations for your baby. Then read on for products designed with preemies in mind.

Preemie Basics

Keep germs away from your sensitive babe by stocking up on hand sanitizer, antibacterial soap and face masks for your family and visitors.

You’ll also need a baby thermometer and preemie-size diapers. Brands including Pampers, Huggies, Seventh Generation and Earth’s Best make disposable diapers in preemie sizes. If you’re using cloth diapers, check out the Green Mountain Diapers website for preemie options and recommendations on what you’ll need.

photo: Three Little Tots

Baby Gear

When purchasing a car seat, look for seats that accommodate newborns starting at 4 pounds, such as the Chicco Keyfit. Add a mirror to the backseat positioned at the car seat so you can monitor your child while you’re driving.

Place a tag on your car seat and stroller letting people know they should keep their distance for your baby’s health. We love the Tags4Tots tags from Three Little Tots (shown above). They come in a variety of colors, styles and phrases to get your point across clearly. The company also sells car seat covers and pacifier clips with friendly reminders not to touch baby. If your child needs medications, Three Little Tots also sells a handy medicine chart that attaches to your fridge to help you remember dosages and when to give them.

Baby wraps are a must for baby’s comfort (and to help you get things done). If you have a baby store in your area, visit one to try out the wraps to see which suits your body and your baby best. Check out wraps from Solly Baby, Baby K’Tan and MOBY, all of which preemie moms recommend. A store clerk can also help you get past the learning curve of tying a wrap—if you’re still stuck, head to YouTube for instructional videos on the wrap you choose.

If you’re looking for an infant seat, the Mamaroo with an infant insert is a great bet. The Mamaroo sways side to side and gently bounces up and down to mimic parents’ comforting movements and comfort little ones. It’s used in many hospital NICU units to soothe premature babies.

photo: Dr. Brown’s

Feeding Tools

Whether you’re breastfeeding, bottle-feeding or both, preemie babies have special needs when it comes to nourishment. Look for bottles with preemie nipples (some brands to check out include Dr. Brown’s (shown above), Comotomo, Munchkin Latch and nanobebe).

If you’re pumping, invest in a good breast pump and pumping bra (check out our favorite breastfeeding tips, tricks and gear). And if you need a nursing pillow, read about top pillows with features that can help with your baby’s specific nursing needs.

Finally, the Hatch Baby Grow changing pad features a built-in scale to help you track baby’s weight gain, feeding amount and diaper changes for added peace of mind.

photo: Tracey Shaw via Pexels

Sleep Products for Preemies

There are monitors that track sound, movement, room temperature and much more. Consider your home’s configuration and talk to your pediatrician about specific features you should look for. Choose a monitor that addresses baby’s needs and your top concerns for baby’s sleep safety so you can both rest soundly.

In terms of sleepers, choose swaddle blankets or a sleepsack that’s safe for preemies, such as the HALO SleepSack. If your child is coming home with tubes still attached, look for sleepers with snaps rather than zippers.

Pacifiers also come in preemie size from companies including Philips and RaZbaby.

Bathing

The Puj tub cradles kids who are too small for other baby tubs and is made of a soft foam that conforms to standard-size sinks. When bathing baby, choose natural baby soaps and lotions that are more gentle on sensitive skin.

photo: Carters

Clothes for Premature Babies

Preemie parents are in luck when it comes to finding cute, teeny outfits, hats and socks for their little warriors. Find your favorites from brands such as Carters (shown above), Feltman Brothers, Kickee Pants, Preemie Clothes Mart and Perfectly Preemie.

Pro tip from preemie moms: Choose kimono tops that open and wrap around baby, rather than a traditional top that you have to put baby’s head through.

Parent Self-Care

Treat yourself to a high-quality hand cream (you’ll need it with all the hand-washing), and buy or make a keepsake box to hold your NICU items. Get a non-toxic, washable ink pad to help you remember just how small those hands and feet really were, and fill out a memory book to document the amazing journey you’re on.

—Eva Ingvarson Cerise

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New Breastfeeding Relaxation Therapy Could Help Nursing Moms Produce More Milk, Study Says

by Shahrzad WarkentinJuly 8, 2019

Fed is always best, but if you make the choice to breastfeed that doesn’t mean it’s always smooth sailing. New research has found that certain breastfeeding relaxation treatments can help moms feel less stressed and babies eat and sleep more.

A new study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition tested the effects of a relaxation intervention on nursing moms. The researchers measured how the treatment impacted maternal psychological state, breast milk intake, milk cortisol levels and infant behavior and growth.

photo: Wes Hicks via Unsplash

The trial was small and included just 64 first time moms who delivered a healthy full-term infant and were exclusively breastfeeding, but it resulted in lower stress scores for the women and longer sleep duration and higher weight gain in infants versus the control group.

The relaxation therapy involved an audio recording which encouraged relaxation through deep breathing and gave positive messages about breastfeeding and mother-baby bonding. The moms were asked to listen to the recording daily while breastfeeding or expressing milk for a period of at least two weeks and were encouraged to listen beyond the initial period whenever it felt useful. They recorded their uses in a diary. The moms in both the intervention group and control group also received standard breastfeeding support in the form of pamphlets and directories of lactation consultants and breastfeeding support groups.

The intervention group had significantly lower stress scores than the control group. A 59 percent increased intake of breastmilk was observed in the infants in the intervention group versus a 39 percent increase in the control group. The infants in the intervention group also recorded significantly higher sleep duration by an average of 82 minutes per day over the control group.

“Our trial highlights the importance of minimizing and reducing maternal stress, because the experimental relaxation intervention influenced infant behavior, breast-milk cortisol, and volume at one timepoint, and subsequently infant growth,” the study’s authors concluded. “Given that the intervention tool is simple and practical, it could easily be used in future interventions aimed at increasing the rates and duration of breastfeeding.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

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