More Than a Handful: The Weirdest Things Parents Find in Their Pockets

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Pirates have treasure, and parents have pockets. Take a look around your laundry room some time. Does it resemble Ali Baba’s cave? Then you must be the parent of a preschooler. Read on for some of the more exotic jewels we’ve unearthed from our own pockets after a day on the town with the troupe, and don’t forget to add to the list in the comments section below.

1. Teeth. Not there yet? Just wait. Whether they’re the “look mom, I just lost a tooth!” kind or the “quick—take this—he’s about to wake up” variety, those little nuggets never fail to fall out of your pockets when you’re trying to find your keys.

2. Tiny, dead, weedy flowers. “Look mom, I picked you these!” When they ask you if you’ll keep them forever, you can’t really do anything but put them in your pocket.

3. Cicada Shells. At least these don’t have real, live critters still inside. You hope. But you promised to protect them, so there they are.

4. Rocks. Why, oh why, must every pair of pants you own have rocks in the pockets? Because they’re fossils, diamonds, or dinosaur eggs. That’s why.

5. Maps. We know of at least one child out there who hoards maps the way Hansel and Gretel should have. Go to the mall? Pick up a map from the kiosk. Botanical Gardens? Swing through the welcome center. It doesn’t matter if you have GPS. Some kids just want you to know where you’re going.

6. Candy wrappers. Because if we hide the proof in our pockets, they will never find out.

8. Your keys. You’ve been looking for your keys for a week and they’ve yet to surface? Check your pockets. It’s amazing that they’d have ended up there, but it never fails.

9. Bizarre foodstuff. Apple cores, cereal bars, pepperoni. Whatever doesn’t go in their pie holes goes in your pockets.

10. Extra Underwear. For them, not you. Especially in the summer when they’re wearing a cover up over their suits to the pool, you don’t need to pack an entire outfit for the return drive. You just need to grab some dry undies. And they go in your pocket. Every. Time.

11. Hand drawn pictures of you. Heartbreaker alert! How many pictures do they draw without you in it? Maybe zero. There’s nothing sweeter than unfolding a wrinkled paper and realizing that you’re the subject.

What treasures have you unearthed from the depths of your pockets? Tell us in the comments section below!

—Shelley Massey

photo: gemstone via flickr

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