Cara Fries

I’m from Wisconsin, but I’ve lived in Chicago for 9 years. I love to travel, watch Netflix and am a huge foodie!

As a first-time mom, I was clueless about what to get for my baby girl before she arrived. I read through countless blogs trying to figure out the best products to register for but began to feel overwhelmed with all the new gadgets on the market. I wanted to make sure that we had some of the best products to hopefully help aid in getting our baby to sleep better, eat better and ultimately be as comfortable as possible. Did my baby really need a $1,200 bassinet or some device that she wore at night to register her vitals? Again, feeling so clueless, I decided to do some major research to find the best products so I could feel reassured bringing her home the first night.

After trying out tons of different baby products first hand, which I am hoping may help at least one new mama (or maybe even a second or third-time mama!), I am rounding up the top five products that were the holy grail of our household, and that I would suggest everyone with a newborn has in stock before bringing the baby home. These products succeeded in helping us feel like we knew what we were doing, even when we had no idea.



ChiccoDUO Bottles

While these bottles weren’t around (yet) when my baby was born, I sure wish they would have been! It took me a long time to find a bottle that both my baby loved, and that I felt good about giving to her and the ChiccoDuo bottles check both of those boxes. These bottles are the first-ever hybrid baby bottle that combines the purity of glass and the convenience of plastic. This means that the milk never touches the plastic, but the bottle can still be thrown in the dishwasher and won’t break or crack if dropped. The nipples also have a 9/10 acceptance rate and breast-like flow!

BUY NOW

2

Solly Baby Wrap

We used ours so much. And when I say so much, I mean pretty much every day. I really loved the Solly baby wrap over other ones because it’s really just a soft piece of fabric that ties around your body and holds the baby in place. Some of the other wraps I tried were so bulky and uncomfortable. My baby seemed to love this one best as well, as she’d always fall asleep when being carried in it.

BUY NOW

3

Nestled Bean Swaddle

Getting the baby to sleep and stay asleep can be a daunting (and exhausting!) task, so having a good swaddle is a must. This one is slightly weighted and rests against the baby’s chest, so they feel nice and secure, just like they did in the womb. They also can be used for baby’s up to 30” tall, meaning you can use them for a generous amount of time without having to invest in any other type of swaddle.

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4

Kyte Baby Pajamas

These bamboo pajamas are so incredibly soft and feel like butter on your skin. They’re especially perfect for babies who tend to get overheated or have sensitive skin, as they are hypoallergenic and actually good for the environment! It’s a win-win knowing that your baby is wearing something that’s not only good for their skin but good for the future of the planet as well! (P.S. They come in adult and toddler sizes too!)

BUY NOW

5

Hatch Baby Sound Machine

After having one of these in our bedroom when our baby was sleeping in the same room as us, we went out and bought the adult version because we couldn’t sleep without it! This machine is perfect for providing the baby (and adults!) with white noise (and blocking our other distractions such as dogs barking, traffic, etc.) for sleeping. We noticed our baby slept way longer and way better when we had the rain sound on.

BUY NOW

Photo: Canva

Many schools have done a great job raising awareness about bullying. Bullying is never okay and needs to be addressed immediately. With this heightened awareness, kids may have a hard time differentiating between bullying and mean behavior. Here are some definitions to help. 

Mean versus Bullying Behavior

  • Mean behavior is saying or doing something to hurt a person.
  • Bullying is a cruel act done on purpose and repeatedly that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power.

Quick Quiz: Is it Mean or Bullying?

1. JD tells Marco that he can’t play basketball at recess because he’s the worst player in the whole grade. Mean or bullying?

Answer: It appears that JD is being mean. His words are intended to hurt Marco, but there’s no evidence of repetitive behavior or a power imbalance.

2. Molly makes fun of Piper for wearing the same pants to school every day. In gym class, Molly says Piper smells and later, she writes the words “You stink” on her desk. Mean or bullying?

Answer: Molly’s acting like a bully. She’s making fun of Piper repeatedly with the intention to cause harm. There’s also evidence of a power imbalance.

Context is important to understand meanness versus bullying. When it comes to mean behavior, there is often an underlying conflict between those involved. Regardless, both behaviors are not okay and can be painful for kids as well as parents. So how do parents respond to best support their kids?

Responding to Mean Behavior

Dealing with mean behavior is a part of life that we all learn how to handle. With guidance and support, kids develop skills to deal with meanness, such as speaking up, learning resilience, getting help, and putting energy into kind friendships instead.

As parents, it’s important to validate a child’s feelings when someones mean to them and help them decide how they’d like to respond (ignore, speak up, etc.).

Signe Whitson, author and national educator on bullying, has seen a rise in situations of mean or rude behavior incorrectly classified as bullying. She says, “I have already begun to see that gratuitous references to bullying are creating a bit of a “little boy who cried wolf” phenomena. In other words, if kids and parents improperly classify rudeness and mean behavior as bullying—whether to simply make conversation or to bring attention to their short-term discomfort—we all run the risk of becoming so sick and tired of hearing the word that this actual life-and-death issue among young people loses its urgency as quickly as it rose to prominence.”

Responding to Bullying Behavior

Bullying, on the other hand, is a different matter and needs to be addressed. Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance, and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior. Bullies try to have more social or physical power over their targets. They try to make their targets cry, feel scared or lose their temper. And bullying has lasting negative effects.

Even though it may be hard, encourage kids not to give bullies their power. Help them practice standing tall and pretending to be bored or unimpressed. Then walk away and get help from a trusted adult.

Kids develop healthy social and emotional skills at different stages, so unkind behavior is unfortunately common. These painful moments provide families an opportunity to revisit conversations about meanness and bullying and how to navigate situations. They also offer parents an opportunity to make sure their kids feel loved, heard and help them navigate uncomfortable emotions. If your child is feeling overwhelmed by mean or bullying behavior, be sure to get support from the school or a professional as well.

Additional Resources:

StopBullying.gov

Bystander Revolution

Cyberbullying Research Center

Stomp Out Bullying

Jessica Speer is an author focused on helping kids and families thrive. Her book, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships releases July 2021. 

This post originally appeared on www.JessicaSpeer.com.

Jessica Speer is the author of BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? Girls Guide to Happy Friendships. Combining humor, the voices of kids, and research-based explanations, Jessica unpacks topics in ways that connect with tweens and teens. She’s the mother of two and has a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences.    

Photo: Ali Flynn

When life is filled with ups and downs, hang in there. The blessings of motherhood are within the difficult days, you just have to hold on tight.

When the kids are exhausted after a long day of school and saved all of their pent-up emotions for you, hang in there and find what fills them up and allows comfort to seep back in.

When the kitchen is a complete and utter disaster, with puffy little stars spilled all over the floor, hang in there and create a silly clean-up song, then pick up the mess together.

When the washing machine slows down due to being in overdrive each day, hang in there and take a break from the laundry for a day or two. Trust me, the laundry can wait.

When the day gets away from you and calls and texts not returned, hang in there and know tomorrow you can pick up the phone to reconnect.

When your cup of coffee has a few sips out of it and has been reheated numerous times, hang in there and make yourself a fresh cup.

When school work isn’t coming as easily for your child, hang in there and take some time to work together to find out what is needed to make the process more successful.

When friends don’t understand your exhaustion, hang in there and try to explain your deepest thoughts and what you are struggling with. A good friend will stick around wanting to help and arrive at the door with your favorite cup of coffee.

When making another meal feels like doomsday, hang in there and order take-out or make breakfast for dinner, always a crowd-pleaser.

When you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days, hang in there and rest your eyes while the kiddos have some screen time and let go of the guilt around taking a break.

When the kids aren’t getting along and the world feels as if it is spinning all around you, hang in there and share with them your concerns and what needs to change.

When the dishes keep piling up all around you, hang in there and ask for an extra helping hand.

When your hair looks oddly good for not being washed for a few days, hang in there and embrace it while you can.

When you miss the carefree days before children, hang in there and relish in the past memories but then look around at the blessings gracing your home today.

When you feel crushed by emotions, hang in there and find the key to your happiness and what works for you to not feel overwhelmed.

When a simple gesture of love emerges and graces you with the gift of knowing you are doing a good job, hang in there and soak it all in.

When you don’t understand why another eye roll came your way, hang in there and know this too shall pass.

When doors are closed more than open and your teen only appears for food, hang in there and accept the hibernation phase will end and your beautiful teen will emerge.

When a smile appears, along with a giggle, after a hard day, hang in there and let it wash over you, filling you up.

When you feel alone, even though the house is full, hang in there and look for the ways you need to fill up your cup. You are the only one who can do this.

When life throws unannounced curveballs, hang in there and find the message and lesson within it to then move forward.

When hugs come your way at exactly the right moment, hang in there and hold on tight.

When you feel lost and need to be found again, hang in there and know life ebbs and flows but you will be found once again.

Hang in there mama…all of this comes and goes in fleeting moments.

We may feel these moments are taking over us, but with time they fade into memories.

Stay strong and know this motherhood gig is hard, really hard, but you are rockin’ it!

This post originally appeared on Hang in there mama by Ali Flynn.

 

 

Ali Flynn Is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Mom  and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents and Her View From Home.

Are you one of those people who makes a New Year’s resolution, stays at it for a couple weeks and fall off the bandwagon? Every day of the year could be a day to start a new routine, kick a bad habit or to start something you’ve always wanted. Despite these facts,  the start of a New Year is a recurring date that reminds us we can make new goals and with the right help, we can follow through. 

Here are some of my tips to help you get started off in the right direction in 2019. The clarity gained by hitting “reset” can have transformative effects to our minds, our health and our families.

De-clutter.

Clutter has a way of making us feel overwhelmed. So many people I know have a tendency to accumulate things. Is there really a point on hanging on to your child’s entire newborn wardrobe? 

Pick a couple items that are really near to you and hang on to them. We tend to place tremendous value on things and fret letting go of them. The relief accompanied by purging things is clarifying. Here are some suggestions of what you can toss:

  • Ttoys not used in a really long time? Toss ’em—donate to second-hand store or try to reclaim some money by consigning them. 
  • Food in your cupboards contributing to making you feel meh? Toss ’em±unopened dry goods can go to your local food bank. 
  • Do you spend most days thinking, “I wish I looked great, but instead I feel meh? Donate your clothes and if you’re environmentally-conscious like me, thrift for new ones! You’ll save money and you won’t feel so bad getting light wear out of them and re-donating them for a fresh st‌yle.  
  • If you’re holding on to lots of family heirlooms or memories, consider taking pictures of these items, filing them and donating the rest of the stuff. Letting go of some of the old things in our lives helps make way for the new.

Schedule a meeting—a very important meeting—with your partner.

Talk about what’s most important to you as a family. Set a family “mission statement” to discuss the most important feature of your family. Is it eating clean? Is it more quality time with family? Is it personal growth? 

Define what your unique mission is and then work to achieve it. Is the piano lesson that your daughter dreads going to giving her life and meaning? Is it helping you achieve your mission statement? If the answer to these questions is no, then pull her out of it and explore something that gives meaning to the mission. 

Don’t do things just because you think you ought to.

Read something that helps “reset” your mindset.

The self-help aisle at the book store might be something you’ve avoided for a while, yet there’s nothing like reading a book from start to finish to help reframe your perspective. 

I think many would agree with me when I say the effect of reading a book is much more beneficial for self-improvement than just skimming random articles on the internet. (Check out goodreads.com for personalized suggestions about what books are up your alley.)

Incorporate small, daily affirmations or meditation.

As a parent, I’m (fairly) certain you’ve heard of The Little Engine Who Could: “I think I can, I think I can.” As a parent, you can either repeat the same words (without relating too much to a train) or you can be more specific. 

Mantras are often really effective when we push out our negative self-talk with an affirmation. For example, sometimes I doubt myself as a parent, I’m too rigid, I’m not fun enough, my kids can’t just be kids and while sometimes realizations can help prompt change, sometimes these thoughts invade our space and prevent us from being the best we can be. 

To counteract some of my “bad-parent” negative self-talk, I repeat to myself, “I’m an amazing parent,” “I am doing all that I can,” “My kids are so lucky to have me and my care for them.” Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

To be effective, set aside at least 10 minutes a day to sit quietly and boost yourself up with positive affirmations.

It’s time to set your New Year on fire and make this the best year yet with clarity, vision and purpose. 

 

This post originally appeared on MomsCandidConversations.

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community! 

Photo: Ali Flynn

Sometimes we all need to rest our weary head, take pause and simply sit for a moment.

It may not look pretty. We may look a mess. But, we are doing exactly what we are meant to do, at that moment.

Some days we truly need to rest our weary head.

Maybe we are in overdrive due to not being able to shut down thoughts, which perseverate through our mind, day after day, and the stress taking hold, causing feelings of isolation…but it’s okay to rest your weary head.

Maybe it’s taking on too much as a Mom and attempting to be everything to everyone, answering what feels like hundreds of questions daily, while our name is being called over and over again…but it’s okay to rest your weary head.

Maybe it’s the balance of work, friends, family, and everyday stressors taking over and suffocating who you are as an individual woman…but it’s okay to rest your weary head.

It’s okay to say no.

It’s okay to take a break.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed even when trying your best to keep life moving forward with positivity.

So friends, no matter what is weighing heavy on your heart and no matter what is weighing you down, know this to be true:

It’s okay to take a pause and do what is meant for you at that moment.

Not what is meant for your friend. Not what is meant for your mother. Not what is meant for your neighbor and not what is meant for your sister.

You. Do what is right for you.

Do you need a break away?

Do you need ten minutes alone to regroup?

Whatever it may be, acknowledge what you need and give yourself permission to lay down your head, take a deep breath and move forward along your journey.

Your soul will thank you for the respite.

It’s okay mama to rest your weary head.

This post originally appeared on Hang in there mama by Ali Flynn.

 

 

Ali Flynn Is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Mom  and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents and Her View From Home.

This April marks the 25th anniversary of the celebration of National Poetry Month, a commemoration launched by poetry scholars to highlight the legacy and ongoing achievement of poets and to encourage the reading and appreciation of poems. The concept was embraced by teachers who were eager to bring poetry into their classrooms and promote it as a fun extracurricular activity, which led to the growth of regional and national poetry festivals and competitions, including Poetry Out Loud.

Why encourage children to read and write poetry? What is uniquely valuable and rewarding about the artform? From the volumes that have been written about those questions, we offer three ideas:

First, memorization is a foundational skill that still needs to be nurtured. Poetry, with its short form, rhythms, and repetition (beginning with nursery rhymes)  lends itself to easy memorization and is a pleasurable way to build a skill. Chances are that literary passages you remember from your own childhood are lines of poetry.

Second, for the reluctant reader and writer, poetry can be a welcoming gateway. Collections of poetry are great for road trips when children can be encouraged to read aloud from the back seat. Similarly, a reluctant writer facing a blank writing journal or spiral notepad can feel overwhelmed. Yet, committing four lines of poetry to paper can seem quite doable. With a bit of instruction, some prompts, and a few three by five-inch index cards, children will compose their own rhyming quatrains and be justifiably proud of them.

Finally, writing poetry advances a critically important skill and that is “choosing one’s words carefully.” The very nature of the artform, with its emphasis on sound and imagery, on meter and rhyme, encourages the poet to play with words. Every good poem, whether traditional or free verse, is language that has been carefully shaped and well made—and that is a critical thinking skill worth cultivating!

We really enjoyed creating this month’s poetry book selections, as it reconnected us with some old favorites while selecting from among several newer anthologies. With a nod to Earth Day (April 22nd), we intentionally included poetry that celebrated nature, wilderness, our Earth. Our wish for you and your children is that, in your exploration of poetry this month, you will discover a poem that becomes a friend—a poem you return to many times in the future because you enjoy its good company.

Grades Kindergarten to Second

When Green Becomes Tomatoes: Poems for All Seasons written by Julie Fogliano illustrated by Julie Morstad

These 48 quietly conversational poems include moments of lively energy—wind on a hilltop or the jubilant dizziness of a summer meadow. Morstad’s charming gouache-and-pencil-crayon art is well-matched to the delicacy of the poetry. An adorable young girl with straight black hair and brown skin appears alone or with friends throughout; readers may identify her as the voice in many of the poems. The poetry is both child-friendly and introspective, for example, a poem titled, July 28 – “if you ever stopped / to taste a blueberry / you would know / that it’s not really about the blue, at all.”

Forest Has a Song: Poems written by Amy Ludwig VanDerwater, illustrated by Robbin Gourley

Calling all aspiring naturalists! This is a collection of 26 short, lighthearted poems about the forest and its animals, plants, and seasonal changes, beautifully illustrated in watercolor. VanDerwater has taken seemingly ordinary things like a rotten log and shown readers just what occurs within, such as being a home to a host of different animals. Readers will discover things within a forest that they have never stopped to notice before now.

Grades 3-4

I’m Just No Good at Rhyming and Other Nonsense for Mischievous Kids and Immature Grown-Ups written by Chris Harris, illustrated by Lane Smith

This book will make you giggle and may even teach you a lesson or two. The author molds wit and wordplay, nonsense and oxymoron, and visual and verbal sleight-of-hand in masterful ways that make us look at the world in a whole new wonderfully upside-down way. There is a dazzling variety of poetry forms and subjects, which will keep readers engaged and on their toes.

The Weather Girls written and illustrated by Aki

Summer, Fall, Winter, or Spring—the Weather Girls are ready for whatever the seasons might bring! Through the seasons, readers see them enjoying the outdoors: diving and splashing, building snowmen, hiking mountains, picking apples, or skipping in a field. Get inspired and get active with this stylish book all about the magic of the seasons, the wonders of the outside world, and the fun you can have with good friends—it’s the perfect picture book for sharing!

Grades 5-8

Thanku: Poems of Gratitude edited by Miranda Paul illustrated by Marlena Myle

This themed collection of poems explore gratitude in traditional forms and in whimsical ways—for example, the sweatshirt that is grateful for a chance to be worn and appreciated. The book contains diverse perspectives and many of the poems express gratitude and thankfulness for little things that someone might not consider such as: nature, the sky, spiders, sleep, or helping others. Each poem is accompanied by a bright and inviting illustration and includes an explanation of the variety of poetry formats featured.

Mother Earth Father Sky: Poems of Our Planet selected by Jane Yolen, illustrated by Jennifer Hewitson

This anthology is an eclectic collection of verses concerning the beauty, the destruction, and the conservation of the earth. Divided into three sections—Celebrate the Earth, Sacrifice the Earth, Save the Earth—these poems are perfect for Earth Day, and any other day of the year. Award-winning author Jane Yolen has collected poems of C.S. Lewis, Ogden Nash, Christina Rossetti, Carl Sandburg, and other contemporary poets who have paid tribute to our beautiful earth.  These thirty-five voices cry with joy, grief, and hope for our “Mother Earth” and our “Father the Sky.”

Keira Pride is the Head Librarian at Stratford School, the leading independent private school founded with a vision of creating a unique, multi-dimensional, educational foundation for children. As Stratford's Head Librarian, she manages the library services department across campuses throughout Northern and Southern California. 

It’s nearly April and everywhere you look you will begin to see the famed puzzle piece. Today I just couldn’t shake that weight that comes with the month ahead. In the coming days, you will begin to hear more chatter from parent advocates and self-advocates alike. You’ll see schools pasting signs about “acceptance” and “inclusion.”

You may be lucky enough to have friends that want to know, want to learn, will stand by your side, especially this month. That first Autism Awareness Month, you may want to hear it all. You still may be too raw to hear any of it. You will feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed and you will find moments you want to quit. The day. The month.

You may love the “Light It Up Blue” and you may hate the “Light It Up Blue.” You may fall in love with puzzle pieces and quotes and you may sob seeing puzzle pieces and quotes. Mama, this month is a lot. It’s a lot of good but in the good, sometimes we forget that good can be heavy.

There will be well-meaning supporters who say the wrong things. There will be people you never imagined who will become your best friend. If I could go back to my first April, my first Autism Awareness Month (that is what it was called five years ago), I’d tell myself these three things:

First, you do you. Share when you want to share and hide when you need to reset. Love the representation you love and be the representation you don’t see. Ignore what isn’t part of your story and share your story too because your story matters. Your child is a gift. Your child is unique. For you self-advocates, teach us. We want to listen. We want to learn. As parents, we want to know what our future may hold, how to help our children but do it with kindness, with the knowledge that we’d move mountains not just for the children we are raising but for you.

Second, breathe. It’s coming at you. Hard and fast. You’ll revisit the emotions that come with diagnosis, therapy, IEP’s, education perhaps even adult life. There will symbols and stories, walks and marches. There will be calls to action and it can be overwhelming. Remember, you are not the only parent living this, feeling this. When a child is diagnosed often they say this is a marathon. Scratch that. This is an iron man and while you don’t feel made for it, you were and your being here, as you are, is important. When the month gets heavy, when you’ve seen one too many stories, heard one too many quotes, on those days when you don’t feel strong enough, your tribe will remind you, you have this, you are making strides and you are incredible. So this month more than ever, lean in, find your tribe and allow them to be there.

Third, it’s okay to feel it all. You may feel all the emotions. Joy in the growth. Sadness in the challenges. Hope this is not just awareness but continued acceptance. Remember it’s okay to feel all the emotions because after April, when the ribbons are down and the stories are locked away for another year, you still are on this journey and that kindness, acceptance, and understanding may just be hidden away again until next year.

So to you, new mama, welcome. I want you to know, you are not alone. I want you to know I am here for you after all the quotes, the marches, the stories. I am here for you because in the last five years I have realized that overall more good has come out of this than I could ever imagine. I’ll be here to stand by and celebrate all the good that is yet to come.

I'm a mom of many who is living her best life navigating a busy world full of ups and downs. Managing five kids and one with additional needs I enjoy learning through living and sharing what I know. I can't wait to share our Messy World with you.

Social-emotional learning is crucial for well-being, from forming solid relationships and self-esteem to decision making and beyond. When it comes to recognizing the importance of mental health, we as adults have taken a huge step in the right direction, from mindfulness to meditation. So, how can we help our kids learn positive ways of managing their experiences and expressing their emotions? Read on for our list of favorite books to help kids (and parents) with social-emotional learning!

Mel Fell, by Corey R. Tabor

HarperCollins

Mel Fell is a charming and innovative read about a scrappy little bird, from the award-winning author-illustrator of Fox the Tiger. Turn this book sideways and upside down to follow Mel on her journey from downward fall to triumphant flight in this tale of self-confidence and taking a leap of faith. Mel's unwavering spirit encourages kids to feel brave and go for it, eventually soaring—even if they fall down first.

Find it here, $17.99

We Want Names, Too! by Jean Leroy

HarperCollins

Each finger has it's very own name like thumb and index, but the poor toes don't! The big toe wants to be called A, but not everyone agrees with the alphabet theme. The second toe argues they should go for numbers, while the last toe prefers fruits! How on earth will they resolve their disagreement? By working together, listening to one another and compromising, of course! In this imaginative and colorful board book, kids will learn how to celebrate their uniqueness all while learning about concepts like letters, numbers, music notes, colors, and fruits.

Find it here, $7.19

Sunny-Side Up, by Jacky Davis

HarperCollins

Father-daughter time shines in this irresistible story about creativity, solving problems and looking on the bright side when faced with obstacles. An expressive picture book about resilience and the power of imagination, it's a perfect read-aloud for rainy days...or any day you’re stuck at home!

With breakfast finished, an energetic young girl is ready to play. But it’s raining, and Dad says that she must stay inside. So, she crafts and she builds, she draws and she bakes. What else can she do to find the sunny side of a rainy day?

This book brilliantly encourages kids to use creativity to overcome challenges, keeping the gloomies at bay, any day!

Find it here, $17.99

Puppy in My Head, by Elise Gravel

HarperCollins

Kids experience anxiety and can feel overwhelmed just like we do. This colorful picture book serves as both a story and a step-by-step guide to help kids help themselves. Ollie is the puppy living inside of the narrator's head, and when Ollie panics or is too energetic, the narrator feels that way, too! Our hero learns to handle the situation with her breath and her mindfulness, and by talking it out with an adult. Puppy in My Head is a compassionate book that will leave young readers a little more well-equipped to handle the puppies in their own heads. 

Find it here, $14.39

Photo: Elizabeth North

Every December as we decorate the tree, I wonder just what Christmas will look like for us. I remember seasons of beauty. Trips to the zoo to see the Christmas Lights, bundling into the car with hot cocoa and marshmallows, driving around to see the lights. I envision my husband’s work party where the kids delighted in the Jolly Fellow joining them as they visited and told them their wish list. I picture sleepy-eyed daddy as he is just as surprised as the children as they open presents. Those memories are treasures. For us moms, some of our best moments are the ones where we see our children in awe of what “Santa” brought and the feeling of satisfaction knowing that you made their day special.

For us, this was my favorite time of year but then, it changed. As I looked through photos of the holidays of the past, I realized that the holidays, since autism was diagnosed in our family, brought with them a sense of stress I had never experienced before. I still remember the Christmas I realized this. As my older children pushed gifts into my youngest daughter’s hands, she stared off into space, left the room, and felt overwhelmed. It was apparent to me that things had to be different so that we could still make memories, good ones, no matter what.

Knowing that the holiday, coming our way, would look different, I still acknowledged that I had four other children that deserved the magic they dreamed of and so I had to choose to do what was right for us. Hopefully these ideas will also help you.

Set Boundaries

The holiday is a season. With our children, we prepare by trying to clear our minds and hearts. We work to do for others. During the beginning of the month, doing small things with great love tends to warm our hearts and often reminds our family of what the season is truly about. Remember, while the holiday season is magical you need to hone in on what is most important, your family. Your children. This means that you may have to set boundaries. Boundaries can be tough. You can feel overwhelmed saying “no” but sometimes saying “no” is the gift you give yourself. If your child struggles outside the home or transitioning from event to event, it’s okay to prioritize.

I also suggest educating friends and family. So often, one of my family members has said that I should just explain it to them or tell them, or do what I need to do for my child. They don’t do this to be dismissive or unkind but instead I believe our families and friends try so hard to include us so we don’t feel left out. They see the challenges and suffering that we face and they want to support us at all times and let’s face it, those invites feel so good. They mean so much but it’s okay to say “no”, remember to thank them for the invite because they too need to know it means something to you even if you can’t attend.

Plan Ahead 

If you have other kids who want to attend an event or stay longer, take two cars. Make an exit plan. Set a small goal. For us, this idea came about with my husband’s work party. While fun for my other children, 110 kids, a jolly giant man, and balloons and crafts was overwhelming after an hour for our daughter so we began to take two cars. I would make a “cameo” and allow her to experience what she could and then duck out, early.

Be Honest with Yourself

While we all want to be together all the time, sometimes, it’s okay to realize it just won’t work. One of the greatest gifts I ever gave myself and my family was saying it’s okay if we can’t take her. She may join us another year and it may be better for the other kids if they don’t have to leave early, witness a meltdown, or feel they are just as important as she is, that our attention can be turned totally to them.

Let Go & Rid Yourself of Expectations

This may be the most important piece of the puzzle. For years, I wanted Christmas to continue as it was before. We would sit around and each person opens a gift, we ooh and ahh over it and celebrate together what the others in the family received. While my kids begged for Seraphina to open her gifts, she just wasn’t ready. Finally, last year I got it. Seraphina came in and out of the room we were in. We opened gifts and when she was ready we gave her a chance. Her beginning to understand the process wasn’t just exciting for me and her father but the children too. They delighted in her joy and when she left to play with her one gift, I was reminded of the beauty of autism. They see, feel, hear, and taste so much more than we ever can imagine. Witnessing her peace with one thing while others long for more is a great reminder that when we have what we need, we don’t need much more.

As we near the holiday season, try to take a deep breath. The holiday may look different but if you take the time to make some minor changes perhaps the holiday will be better than you could have imagined.

This post originally appeared on www.messyblessymomma.com.

I'm a mom of many who is living her best life navigating a busy world full of ups and downs. Managing five kids and one with additional needs I enjoy learning through living and sharing what I know. I can't wait to share our Messy World with you.

It’s December and your mailbox is overflowing with sparkly season’s greetings. Instead of letting all those cards pile up and create a festive avalanche on your kitchen counter, why not put them on display? From options for mamas who know their way around a staple gun to a glittery, retro choice that requires nothing more than leaving yourself in the hands of an Etsy master, we’ve rounded up 11 creative ways to do just that. Scroll down to see them all.

Hang It Up

Oh Joy

Looking for a way to deck your halls with paper greetings brimming over with holiday cheer? Oh Joy's clever card hangers can be whipped up with items that you already have lying around the house. Gather up a few wire hangers and yarn in your favorite hues, and start making a set. Find all the details you need here.

Create a Card Tree

Kate Loweth

This is a super easy idea that gets your cards on display as they come in. Nail a ribbon into the wall and add on a DIY star at the top. As your cards arrive, staple them to each other and to the ribbon so that you are forming a Christmas tree shape. 

Trim the Tree

Sugar and Cloth for Minted Julep

This festive pin board from Sugar and Cloth for Minted can be re-used to display Christmas cards year after year. With a little foam board, a roll of cork, and elbow grease, you and your littles can make your own. Spray a seasonal layer of glittery paint on it, or leave the cork as is and let your cards pop against a light brown background. Head over the hills and through the woods to Julep for step-by-step directions.

One for the Books

Amy Duncan/Four Courners Design

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by too much holiday cheer—parties, caroling fests, and cookie baking, oh my—try this simple addition to your holiday decor. An antique book, dreamed up by Amy Duncan of Studio Four Corners Design, with pages folded down just so makes for an easy and elegant way to display seasons greetings. Bonus: if you pick up a book at your local thrift shop, you’ll have money left over to spring for the extra-large candy cane your kiddo’s been eyeing.

Magical Magnets

You are My Fave for Minted Julep

Clean-lined magnetic picture rails can show off holiday cards in December and your favorite family snaps into the new year. This project, dreamed up by You Are My Fave for Minted, requires a little more work than some of the other options, but it’s worth it if it becomes a permanent part of your décor. Pick up some festive magnets, like this trio of Santas, for an extra-seasonal touch of ho ho ho!

Light Up the Night

Lights for Fun

Long, dark winter nights dragging you down? Brighten things up inside your house with a twinkly card display your kids are sure to love. Small picture hooks, strands of lights in classic white or your fave colors of the season, and mini-clips perfect for card hanging come together to create winter-time magic. Fairy Lights & Fun spells out the how-to for you.

No Crafts Required

Lauren Lash Designs via Etsy

Glue-gunned out? Never fear: here comes Etsy to the rescue! This festive, glittery hanger from Etsy seller Lauren Lash Designs is packed with retro flair and ready to put up on any door in your home that's begging for a little holiday cheer. Snap one up, and spend your time sipping eggnog and taking your kiddos on a drive to ooh and ahh over awesome neighborhood light displays. Order one from Lauren Lash Designs via Etsy here.

Nailed It

Lolly Jane

The holiday-perfect wreath and chicken wire combo from the crafty mamas at Lolly Jane make for a big, bold holiday statement. Fair warning: this is a big project to take on, so you might want to set the kids up with their annual viewing of How The Grinch Stole Christmas while you work. Hit your local hardware store for wood, flat corner braces, and sawtooth hangers, and hammer away.

Wall of Well Wishes

Thyme is Honey

Washi tape never looked so good! This display has a serious wow factor and isn't all that hard to do. Supplies are minimal, and kiddos will have a blast helping decorate the "wall tree." Plus, think of all that space you just saved! Get all the tree trimming details at Thyme is Honey.  

 

Farmhouse Box

Etsy

If you want to display your Christmas cards in a super tidy display, check out these farmhouse boxes on Etsy. You can personalize yours for the color and greeting you like and it will be ready to display all your cards without taking over your house. 

 

—Oz Spies & Kate Loweth