The Heat Is On! Local Hot Spots Where Winter Doesn’t Exist

by Amy BizzarriJanuary 21, 2020

The mild temps this winter might have you thinking about hiking rather than escaping, for once. But, be sure, the chill will come. It is Chicago, after all. No need to hop on a plane to break from the cold. We searched high and low for spots winter doesn’t seem to exist. From a huge indoor treehouse to conservatories with a tropical feel, these destinations will make you feel like you’re on vacay.

photo: Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum

1. Judy Istock Butterfly Haven at Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum
Snow, sleet, frigid temps. You won’t care what’s happening outside with the 80-degree temps and 80-percent humidity in the flutter-tastic Butterfly Haven, where 1,000 winged beauties call home and newly emerged butterflies are released every day at 2 p.m. Watch as these colorful immigrants from Central and South America, Australia, Asia and beyond land on rocks and fly over pools of water. The abundance of flowers and trees make for stunning photo opps.

2430 N. Cannon Dr., Lincoln Park; 773-755-5100; Online: naturemuseum.org

Garfield_Park_Conservatory_Childrens_Garden

photo: Garfield Park Conservatory

2. Garfield Park Conservatory
Palm tree fronds graze a domed ceiling in one pleasantly humid showroom of this West Side hideaway. Take the greenery in and then let the kids loose in the Elizabeth Morse Genius Children’s Garden, where they can climb a seven-foot-tall faux seed and slide down a “stem.” Check out the Monday Morning Glories program which gives kids and caregivers the chance to make a creative, nature-inspired craft, Wild Wednesdays invites kids to get their hands dirty in the garden and the twice-monthly Juicebox series gets the kids on their feet and dancing.

300 N. Central Park Ave., Garfield Park; 312-746-5100; Online: garfieldconservatory.org

3. Galos Caves  
Many people believe that spending time in a space that’s intensively charged with salt particles has a natural anti-infectious effect, stimulating the immune system. Whether you believe in their magical powers or not, the two salt-filled “caves” at Galos Caves make for a relaxing winter escape. Kick back in a chaise with a good book while your kids have a blast digging through the salt with provided sand toys. The setting is serene, with colorful yet soft lighting that highlights the lovely salt crystals.

6501 W. Irving Park Rd., Dunning Square; 773-283-7701; Online: galoscaves.com

photo: Goldfish Swim School

4. Goldfish Swim School
The topical-themed water world will make you feel like you’re Bahamas-bound, starting with the individual dressing room “cabanas” and ending with the beach chairs that overlook the pool. The water is always a pleasant 90 degrees — especially tempting on open family swim days when they provide access to super-fun pool toys (canoes, paddle race cars, floaties). Guppies as young as four months can get their feet wet in classes here.

Several Chicagoland locations; click here for details.

photo: The TreeHouse Play Space, Nicole S. via Yelp

5. The TreeHouse Play Space
It’s a treehouse . . . indoors! It’s worth the trip to Lake Zurich to experience this climbers paradise that gives kids a variety of twists, turns and activities to choose from. Parents are welcome to join in (yep, the climbing structures are big enough!). Cruise down the triple slide, shoot hoops on the mini basketball court or look over the “jungle” from the tippy-top.

985 S. Rand Rd., Lake Zurich; 847-438-8887; Online: thechicagotreehouse.com

6. Midtown Athletic Club
Midtown is known for its tennis lessons, and nothing feels more summer-y than working on that backhand. Good news for kids: The club’s locations in Chicago and the ‘burbs have a tennis program designed specifically for 3 and 4 years olds and their parents. Called Tennis Explorers, it keeps this squirmy age group engaged by focusing on play and imagination.

Chicago location at 2020 W. Fullerton Pkwy., Lincoln Park (773-235-2300). Other locations in Bannockburn, Palatine and Willowbrook; click here for info.

photo: Great Wolf Lodge via Maria Chambers

7. Great Wolf Lodge
There’s no better place to pretend you’re in the Caribbean than an indoor water park. This Gurnee spot is great for family staycations and appeals to a wide range of ages with play areas for the littlest of littles and daring water slides for the big kids (and their parents).

1700 Nations Dr., Gurnee; 847-623-9653; Online: greatwolf.com/illinois

8. Yogurt Beach
Fro-yo in winter? Absolutely! Especially when it comes from this warm, sunny spot. Your flip flops won’t look out of place here all year ’round. Grab a cool treat and soak up the beach decor, including surfboard-shaped tables and a toppings bar underneath a thatched hut. The fro-yo flavors go beyond the norm (think watermelon sorbet and berry tart), and fresh fruit is always up for grabs to cap things off.

3027 English Rows, Naperville; 630-778-0182; Online: yogurtbeach.com

photo: Lincoln Park Zoo

9. Regenstein Small Mammal House at Lincoln Park Zoo
Lincoln Park Zoo is open year-round and on cold days, indoors is where it’s at. You’ll come face to trunk with a magnificent baobab tree that measures 25 feet in diameter in this steamy, tropical ecosystem. The tree forms a dark cave where fruit bats lurk. While you’re there, take a peek into the underground burrows of naked mole rats that live inside the termite mounds beneath African dwarf mongoose.

2001 N. Clark St., Lincoln Park; 312-742-2000; Online: lpzoo.org

10. Wilder Park Conservatory
This smaller, one-room conservatory is just right for families looking for a short, peaceful escape from the winter. Flowers have been blooming and the sunshine has been streaming in the glass windowpanes of this pretty gem of an indoor garden for more than 83 years. Admission is always free.

225 S. Prospect Ave., Elmhurst; 630-993-8900; Online: epd.org

photo: Shedd Aquarium

11. Shedd Aquarium
Explore exhibits that take you from the Great Lakes to the Caribbean Sea and from flooded rainforests to diving deep into coral reefs. You’ll get to see and connect with animals from around the world and learn the secrets of our planet’s waters.

For kids that could benefit from sensory-friendly experiences, their Calm Waters program gives guests with disabilities and veterans the opportunity to explore the exhibits and experiences in a comfortable environment and their low-sensory aquatic presentation dims down the lights and noise of their regular show.

1200 S. Lake Shore Dr., Museum Campus; 312-939-2438; Online: sheddaquarium.org

12. Oak Park Conservatory
Oak Park Conservatory is the green getaway spot you never knew existed, but will now become your new go-to. The comfortably heated Fern, Tropical and Desert rooms are perfect for wandering and learning. Be sure to check out the wide range of family and children’s programming, including a Valentine Market on Feb. 8 where kids can visit a chocolate exploration station and KidsFest on Mar. 1 that’ll leave you giddy for spring’s arrival.

615 Garfield St., Oak Park; 708-386-4700; Online: pdop.org

— Maria Chambers & Amy Bizzarri

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Mickey & Minnie Mouse Goldfish Crackers Are Back in Target Stores Right Now

by Erica LoopJanuary 15, 2020

If your kiddo was all about last year’s Mickey Mouse Goldfish, they’re in luck. The classic cracker is bringing the magical mouse back—and adding Minnie to the mix too!

In celebration of the dynamic mouse duo, Goldfish is partnering with Disney again in 2020.

The limited-edition crackers, which are exclusively available at Target until April, will include three editions of collectible packages. Of course, the outside of the bag isn’t all your kid cares about. The crackers are made from 100 percent real cheddar cheese and packed with the savory taste your child has come to know, love and expect from Goldfish.

Pick up your pack, or a few, from the big red bullseye retailer starting January 2020. The Mickey and Minnie Goldfish retail for $2.49 and, while you can only get them at Target for now, will hit other stores across the country in April 2020.

—Erica Loop

Photos: Courtesy of © Disney

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Your Toddler’s Favorite Snack Just Got a Healthy Makeover

by Jennifer SwartvagherDecember 17, 2019

You’ve cleaned enough crumbs out of your kiddo’s car seat to know how much they love Goldfish crackers. And now, just in time for the new year, Pepperidge Farm is launching a new product line that is guaranteed to get some veggies into every serving.

Goldfish Veggie crackers are the brand’s first-ever line of crackers made with 1/3 serving of vegetables. Available in two delicious kid-friendly flavors, Cheesy Tomato and Sweet Carrot, you can feel good serving these at snack time.

Goldfish Veggie Crackers will be available at select grocers including, Kroger and Publix starting January 2020, followed by a nationwide roll out in March 2020.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Pepperidge Farm

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All the Ways You’re Doing a Great Job, Mama

By Dana Moss

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

October 31, 2019

Photo: Pixabay

To the mom that second-guesses her decisions all the time, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that raised her voice at her kids today, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that sometimes feels inadequate as a mother, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that feels guilty about leaving the house every day to go to work, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that feels like she can’t ever get ahead, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that just wanted to curl into the fetal position in the middle of Target, while her kids wreaked havoc on everything, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that always gets mom-shamed by her family members, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that compares herself to her friends, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that feels like a bad mom for just wanting to be alone sometimes, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that feels like no one else pulls their weight around the house, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that watches the dishes pile up in the sink and has no desire to wash them, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that dresses herself each day straight from the dryer, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that works hard to provide home-cooked meals every night that no one ever wants to eat, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that looks at herself in the mirror every morning, and hates what she sees, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that tries to keep her house in some sort of order, that no one else respects, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that let her kid eat three doughnuts for breakfast, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that hides in the closet to have a snack, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that’s shoveling food into her mouth, over the sink, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that was scanning the grocery store for the nearest exit, as her toddler was having a meltdown over their goldfish being two different sizes, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that wants to get through one episode her favorite Netflix show without getting interrupted, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that barely got through one load of laundry today, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that hates waking up early to pack school lunches, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that wants to just give the entire school drop-off line the middle finger, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that dropped an F-bomb in front of the kids, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that had Daniel Tiger babysit the kids for a bit, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that sat on her cell phone at the park, instead of socializing with the other moms, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that volunteered to bring napkins and plates to the classroom party, because she just didn’t want to bake or cook anything, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that feels like she is absolutely failing her children, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that spends so much time hoping that she raised her kids to be decent human beings, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that wants to savor every moment, but finds herself counting the hours until bedtime, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that ventured out of the house today, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that managed to get out of bed today, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that did her hair and makeup today, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that didn’t do her hair and makeup today, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that’s feeding her kids pizza, or chicken nuggets, or mac-n-cheese for the eighth time in a row, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that sent her kids to bed early, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that picked a fight with her husband out of sheer exhaustion, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that’s barely hanging on, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that’s begging for help, you’re doing a great job.

To the mom that just doesn’t feel like herself, you’re doing a great job.

For every mom out there—no matter what season you’re in, no matter what you’re going through, no matter what happened yesterday or today, and what happens tomorrow, for everyone that needs to hear this, because you DESERVE to hear this—you’re doing a great job.

This post originally appeared on Facebook.

Dana Moss

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

My name is Dana and I am a not-so-typical Millennial woman navigating her way through marriage and motherhood, one clueless experience at a time. I am journeying into motherhood for the first time and hope others can relate to my utter lack of inexperience!

8 Must-See Shows for Kids This Fall

by rtcarolynrossOctober 22, 2019

Dinner and a show can mean different things to different people. When you have kids, anytime you can enjoy a live performance—albeit with an appetizer sampler of goldfish, raisins and carrot sticks and maybe a couple of cold ones (juice boxes, that is)—that’s a night out (or a matinee) worth telling your friends about. Whether everybody’s buzzing about the latest kindie rock artist in concert at AMP in Rockville, or a classic story brought to life by Synetic Theatre in Rosslyn, we’ve got your entertainment calendar set. Bring the Ziploc of snacks for intermission and enjoy one of these shows everybody can get excited about at a DMV area stage near you this season.

photo: Great Wolf Lodge via Yelp

The Jungle Book
Where: Creative Cauldron
When: Nov. 8 – 24

A musical based on the classic Rudyard Kipling story, this show features all the human and animal characters kids and adults will find familiar demonstrating the rules of the jungle covering everything from respect for the natural world to overcoming prejudice. Also, your kids can take inspiration from some performers close in age, in this production by Creative Cauldron’s Learning Theater program.

Kid Prince and Pablo at the Kennedy Center
Where: The Kennedy Center
When: Oct. 19 – Nov. 3

Author Mark Twain enjoyed a good twist and so it’s probably safe to say he’d be interested to see this re-imagined hip-hop performance based on his tale, The Prince and The Pauper. Set in the Capital City, it’s a perfect show to bring your political sense and your pint-sized commentators (recommended for ages 9 and up).

The Pop Ups
Where: The Alden
When: Oct. 19

Fresh from their Lollapalooza appearance this summer and featuring original music with a pop-savvy sound the whole family will not want to miss, the three-time GRAMMY nominated duo The Pop Ups tell stories, have conversations with puppets and turn pretend time on its hilarious head. Look out too for The Pop Ups, theme-song writers for NPR’s Wow in the World, when they join the hosts of this popular kids radio show for a live podcast at Strathmore on February 29, 2020.

photo: Kids at The Creek Preschool via Yelp

Gustafer Yellowgold
Where: AMP by Strathmore
When: Oct. 20

Most often compared to worldwide icons The Beatles, the music of Gustafer Yellowgold accompanied by quirky videos by creator Morgan Taylor, is iconic in its own right. Beloved by legions of littles and adults alike, Gustafer’s songs about pine cones, cake, robots, and bacon (yes, bacon) are irresistible. AMP’s Pajama Jam series hosts where even if you forget the goldfish to go with your bacon, you’re covered.

The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe
Where: Imagination Stage
When: Nov. 23 – Jan. 5

Expect a stunner of a performance from the folks at Imagination Stage who in their 40th Anniversary season still seem magically to fit all the wonderment and surprise of stories we know and love onto a stage, this time transporting you and the young ones to the land of Narnia. Through music, modern dance, and puppetry this beloved C.S. Lewis story comes to life.

Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus-The Musical
Where: The Kennedy Center
When: Nov. 23 – Jan. 5

Mo Willems beloved fine feathered friend and all the characters from his book come to life with an innovative mix of actors, puppets, and songs when creator Mo Willems collaborates wih Deborah Wicks La Puma, the composer behind Elephant & Piggie’s We Are in a Play!

photo: Brian Hoffman Magic via Yelp

The Snow Queen
Where: Synetic Theatre
When: Dec. 4-29

A family-friendly, and by the way dialogue-free, adaptation of the timeless Hans Christian Anderson tale, Synetic’s production is a holiday treat starring “America’s New Favorite Princess.” Vaguely reminiscent of a princess story from another winter wonderland, this one features a girl, a magic mirror and a special journey all done with striking visuals and movement-driven storytelling set to wow.

The Velveteen Rabbit
Where: Adventure Theatre
When: November 15 – January 1

This story is for anyone with a special place in their heart for their favorite stuffy, and what toddler (even adult) do you know who does not? Adventure Theatre’s tradition of great holiday-time shows is sure to please all ages as promised this year. Don’t forget to check out the whole season too featuring more storybook dramatizations, including Lyle the Crocodile this Spring and what looks to be a sure Summer hit–Madagascar-A Musical Adventure!

—Carolyn Ross

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Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Jun. 7, 2019

by Karly WoodJune 6, 2019

You made it! We’ve seen tons of happy kiddos celebrating their last day of school this week and we want to give a big shoutout to our rockstar parents who survived the year. In honor of the occasion, we’ve rounded up a fresh batch of funny tweets to help you make the transition from school to summer.

1. The things you’ve seen…

Just cleaned under my daughter’s bed and now I need a counseling session.

— Burning Mom ⚡️ (@MomOnFire) June 2, 2019

2. 🤷‍♀️

If you like the idea of spending 95% of your morning searching for a single shoe that isn’t yours, parenting might be for you.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) June 2, 2019

3. Still got it!

Me, dating my husband: Damn, he looks good wearing those jeans.

Me, 4 kids later: Damn, he looks good wearing that My Little Pony backpack.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 4, 2019

4. ::evil laugh::

You should sunscreen your kids to protect their skin but also because they hate it which is payback for how early they’ve woken you up each day since birth.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) June 4, 2019

5. Genius.

If your kids misbehave, change the wifi password to something they'll never figure out. Like "89RT34K93CLD_" or "where their shoes are"

— The Dad (@thedad) June 4, 2019

6. It only takes one…

Shout out to my one brain cell for helping me remember to move the laundry to the dryer on the same day I put it all to wash.

— yelisa (@beingyelisa) June 5, 2019

7. Word.

I texted my wife "Tonight after the kids go down, let's wine and dine" except my phone changed it to "wine and die."

It's almost like auto-correct knows how hard it is to be a parent.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 5, 2019

8. It’s going to be a long summer…

Now what?

-Kids on the 4th day of summer break

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 4, 2019

9. Mom in training.

My toddler has a plastic rotisserie chicken in her purse if anyone needs ideas on how to live your best life.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 2, 2019

10. #momlife!

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you probably have goldfish in your couch🤦🏽‍♀️

— Your Mom (@modernmomese) June 5, 2019

––Karly Wood

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 24, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 17, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 31, 2019

by Karly WoodMay 30, 2019

About half the country is already out of school and ready to embrace summer––how did that happen!? While you’re gearing up for a season of sun and fun, keep scrolling to see this week’s roundup of parent tweets. They’re guaranteed to give you a laugh!

1. Just sayin’.

I want my toddler to be independent but I also want this banana peeled before I die.

— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) May 27, 2019

2. Sounds about right.

My kids are all playing the Game of Life.

I hear screaming, so they must be at the part where they’ve had kids.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 26, 2019

3. 🙄

Me: please be careful. You are dripping your yogurt.

Toddler: don’t worry Mommy you’ll wipe it up

— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) May 27, 2019

4. Oh, it will be.

I'm beginning to think my kids are just using me for food. Like, 18 years will go by and it will have been all about the snacks.

— Annie the Nanny (@AnnietheNanny1) May 28, 2019

5. Besties!

I just heard someone say “So you excited for summer?” and this mom said “No. No parent is ever excited for summer” and I knew I’d made a new mom friend.

— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) May 29, 2019

6. Couldn’t be more true.

A lot of being a parent is listening to your kids ask you what's for dinner all day and then watching them not eat it.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 29, 2019

7. They go all out!

My 3yo can either be found streaking butt-naked in front of a giant crowd of strangers, or shyly hiding behind my back and trying to crawl back inside my womb. There is no in-between.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) May 29, 2019

8. Here.You.Are.

They warn you about bringing wild animals into your home, yet here I am two sons and a husband later.

— Melanie Gibson (@ImMelanieGibson) May 29, 2019

9. Nope!

If your toddler has never had a meltdown at the dentist because the dentist’s chair doesn't look exactly like the dentist’s chair from Peppa Pig are you even a parent?

— hahahaheater ❄️🌨️☃️ (@dishs_up) May 29, 2019

10. FRIGHTENING.

PSA: Watching your kids hold someone else’s new baby is the WORST kind of birth control.

You’ve been warned.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) May 29, 2019

11. So excited for summer!

Checked my 7th grader out early on the last day of school so she could get a head start on being bored.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 29, 2019

12. The jury’s still out.

I’m not sure which is a gentler way to wake me up; my 2yo or walking barefoot through a pile of glass shards.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 29, 2019

13. At least she’s consistent

I just got yelled at by my 2yo for not sitting close enough to her while she poops.

So at least she's not a hypocrite.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) May 29, 2019

14. GENIUS

I really wish I had taken a bartender class in college because I feel like it would have better prepared me for mixing medicine and vitamins into my toddlers juice.

— Mom.Whine.Repeat (@MomWhineRepeat) May 30, 2019

15. You wish….

https://twitter.com/andwhatamom/status/1133957990606704640

––Karly Wood

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 17, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 10, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 24, 2019

by Karly WoodMay 23, 2019

Oh, hello weekend. Parenting had us on our toes this week and we can’t help but look forward to two semi-blissful days of no obligations. If you’ve had a crazy week, then you’ll enjoy sitting back with our freshest batch of hilarious tweets that are all about the joy of raising kiddos.

1. No, it was not.

In retrospect, trying to change my toddler’s diaper while she was brandishing two wooden mallets was probably not the wisest decision

— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) May 19, 2019

2. New superhero name!

https://twitter.com/andwhatamom/status/1130595680961982464

3. Oh yes, they should!

My son calls turkey his “birthday meat” because he was born in November. Now I think everyone should have a “birthday meat”.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 21, 2019

4. It’s going to be amazing.

With summer coming, I can’t wait for family swim time where the kids try to drown me while my wife relaxes by the pool.

— The Dad (@thedad) May 20, 2019

5. 🙄

I told my 9-year-old she couldn't have an ice cream sandwich because we need to finish off the leftover birthday cake first.

Welcome to her villain origin story.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2019

6. Preggo probs.

My toddler and I have similar life goals-

Basically just make it through the day without peeing our pants.#34weekspregnant #squishedbladder

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) May 21, 2019

7. Every mom. EVER.

Crazy that I stay up late every night and consistently feel like crap the next day but will never do it differently because I’m a mom and that’s the only peace and quiet I get.

— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) May 21, 2019

8. Whoops.

https://twitter.com/andwhatamom/status/1131381759512154112

9. Or does it?

https://twitter.com/fakeadultmom/status/1131515036940296197

10. Truth.

I’m not saying that adults are boring and unimaginative, but no adult has ever made me a picture covered in stars, rainbows, and ice-cream-cone-cat-unicorns.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) May 23, 2019

––Karly Wood

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 10, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 3, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 3, 2019

by Karly WoodMay 2, 2019

Parenting––it keeps us on our toes. Whether it’s avoiding piles of LEGO bricks or racing back and forth for a 10-part bedtime routine, every day is a new and hilarious adventure! Keep reading to see our roundup of Twitter moms and dads owning the parenting game this week.

1. Guilty.

Me: I’m not cheap!

Also me: Puts a packet of chicken back that says $9.85 because I found another one that says 9.80.

— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) April 26, 2019

2. No, no. you cannot.

You can wear earrings or you can have a toddler. You can not do both.

— hahahaheater ❄️🌨️☃️ (@dishs_up) April 29, 2019

3. AGREED.

My husband just told me, “You’re a mother so your love language is coffee now”

— mom-sanity (@lostmymommymind) April 29, 2019

4. Making the best of it:

I enjoy being the one to wake up with the toddlers. The first cup of coffee is a perfect pairing with those early morning meltdowns.

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s butter to clean off the walls.

— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) April 30, 2019

5. Sooooo, it’s going quite well.

If you’re wondering just how hard kids will work to stall bedtime, tonight I had to pick out matching socks for a stuffed monkey and a stuffed unicorn, just in time for my 3-year-old to tell me all 482,927 reasons why dogs have tails.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) April 30, 2019

6. Totally using this later today.

If anyone asks, I am brushing my teeth. I am definitely not hiding alone, secretly eating cupcakes that were intended for my children.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) May 2, 2019

7. Truer words have never been spoken.

It must be true that Legos encourage creativity because I've invented so many new swear words after stepping on them.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 1, 2019

8. But they’re cute mason jars.

A mom on my daughter's softball team found a cute snack idea on Pinterest & now all of the girls have their hands stuck in tiny mason jars.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 2, 2019

9. And that’s kinda the same thing.

I’ve never run a marathon but I have put my kids to bed 26.2 times in a single night.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 2, 2019

10. So… something to look forward to, then?

My big kids and I play this really fun game where every single day I park in the exact same spot to pick them up from school, and every single day they text me "Where are you?", and EVERY SINGLE DAY I respond with "in the same spot".

— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) May 1, 2019

––Karly Wood

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Apr. 19, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Apr. 12, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Mar. 8, 2019

by Karly WoodMarch 7, 2019

Parents are getting through the tail end of being couped up with the kids this winter by sharing some hilarious sentiments on Twitter this week. Whether it’s reveling in that cup of coffee or wondering why we just can’t stop repeating ourselves, our roundup of funny tweets will give you a chuckle.

1. ::oommmmmm::

Repeating the same thing over and over to your kids isn’t so bad if you think of it as chanting a zen mantra: “Put on your shoes. Put on your shoes. Put on your shoes. Ommmmm.”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 7, 2019

2. ☕☕☕

5: OK mommy – can we play Uno now?? It’s morning time!

Me: Not yet. First I need to have my coffee.

5: No fair!! First you’re going to have your coffee, and then you’re going to have a second coffee, and that’s gonna take a long time!!!

Me: Yes. Yes it is.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) March 3, 2019

3. Samesies.

My 2.5 yo has been putting her dolls to bed all afternoon and frankly I’m a little resentful of how much sleep she’s letting them get.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) March 4, 2019

4. Tiny daggers 🤣

Baby fingernails…

Aka tiny daggers that are sharp enough they can open cans.

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) March 5, 2019

5. Enjoy that alone time while you can get it!

The first rule of parent club is you never tell anyone that you're going to the bathroom.

— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) March 5, 2019

6. GENIUS!

There weren’t any swings available at the park so my daughter yelled, “SOPHIA, EMMA, OLIVIA, AIDEN, YOUR MOM SAYS IT’S TIME TO GO!” and now the park is empty.

— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) March 5, 2019

7. Because parenting.

I’m going out on the town with my wife tonight so we can complain about how tired we are someplace else.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 6, 2019

8. Basically.

Me: Do you know where your cup is?

3: Yes.

Me: Where?

3: I don’t know.

And that’s basically all you need to know about toddlers.

— Erin De Boer (@erin_de_boer) March 6, 2019

9. NOOOOOO

The way your toddler acts during 2-4 is how they will act from 12-20.

You've been warned.
-mother of grown kids and a toddler

— I Just Sat Down. (@anxiouscougar) March 6, 2019

10. What, WHAT?

4: Daddy, I slept really good last night, I didn’t even sneak downstairs…

Me: Yes, you did sleep good… wait… what night did you sneak downstairs?

— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) March 7, 2019

––Karly Wood

photo: Ryan McGuire via Gratisography; composite by Karly Wood for Red Tricycle

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Feb. 22, 2019

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Feb. 15, 2019

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2. No, no. you cannot.

3. AGREED.

4. Making the best of it:

5. Sooooo, it’s going quite well.

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7. Truer words have never been spoken.

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