ML Interest Tag: sentence

When Domestic Violence Happens to Someone You Know

By Krissy Dieruf

Photo: Dan Meyers via Unsplash

“My sister-in-law was killed by her boyfriend,” the text read.

I had looked down quickly to glance at the message as I hurried to drop my daughter off at a birthday party. It was at Kids Hair, and they were doing a fashion show. My daughter laughed and squealed, drowning in feather boas before she could wave goodbye. In a haze, I struggled to process the information I had just read. My stomach churned. The F-word repeated itself in my mind. That’s all I could think to write back to my friend who sent the message. I didn’t know what to say. How else do you respond to news like that? The text, I realized as I reread it in my car, said more, sent to our group of friends to avoid having to repeat such a heartbreaking truth more than necessary. My friend didn’t know it then, but she would inevitably end up repeating that very sentence, again and again, telling her sister-in-law Natalie’s story for many years to come.

Natalie was 32 years old and a successful student in medical school. Her classmates and professors loved her. No one knew her boyfriend, whom she lived with, had been psychologically and emotionally abusing her for years. Her family did not know that her visits home came few and far between because she feared his threats to harm them were true. She worked hard to hide the fact that he had loaded guns in their home with which he threatened her. She didn’t want anyone else harmed by the person hurting her, so she worked to protect others from the painful truth.

The truth is, every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten in the U.S., and 1 in 3 women has experienced domestic violence. Domestic violence is a pattern of learned behavior used to gain and maintain power and control over a person in an intimate relationship. It affects women and men of all backgrounds. It includes physical abuse, but it can also be sexual, emotional, and psychological. There is shame and confusion and a variety of complex mixed emotions involved for the person experiencing it, leading them often to keep it hidden from everyone they know and love.

Why would someone stay in such a relationship, you might wonder? We all have choices. But women who are in these relationships are told their families will be hurt if they leave. The abusers tell them they are nothing and will have nothing if they leave. They are threatened that they will be killed if they leave. The violence and control have been slowly ingrained throughout the relationship, starting so subtly that the mind thinks it’s not that bad, that each time is the last and it won’t happen again. By the time it is the most unsafe, it has been happening for so long, and the fear is so strong there seems little way out.

More than 1,000 women are killed in the US every year from domestic violence, and the numbers are rising.  When a woman tries to leave her abusive partner, her risk of being killed goes up exponentially. This is heavy, but this is real.

In the tragic aftermath of Natalie’s death, my friend and her husband, Natalie’s brother, decided to do something to honor Natalie by creating a nonprofit organization that works to help stop the cycle of domestic abuse. They took the sentence she texted, the one that could have crippled and broken them—they took the hurt and pain and soul-stealing truth in it—and turned it into, not a weapon but a balm to heal the lives of others. They tell it whenever and wherever they can to give meaning to Natalie’s death, sharing the story of her life to profoundly change the paths of others who share the same truths and seek healing from the same hurts.

I have talked with my friend many times since I got the text about Natalie. I still have yet to come up with the right thing to say to her, a better response to her pain. But what I have learned is that it’s not what I say that matters, it’s listening that is important. The acknowledgment of the sorrow and the struggle, and being a witness to the journey of healing as she and her family work endlessly to be Nat’s voice and forever put an end to domestic violence.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. If you are experiencing domestic violence, or think someone you know might be, please know there is help. You are not alone. Call the national domestic abuse hotline for help and resources. You deserve to be safe.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Thehotline.org

 

Krissy Dieruf is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three children, loves to sing and dance around the house and has a soft spot for rebels and crazy hair. 

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Ashton Kutcher Has a Clever Parenting Hack to Avoid Saying Bad Words

by Shahrzad Warkentin

When you step on that pointy little LEGO brick hiding in plain sight on the living room floor, there are likely a ton of expletives you can conjure up to shout out. But as a parent you want to censor little listeners from those four-letter words. Ashton Kutcher has a clever parenting hack to avoid saying bad words and you might want to break it out the next time you encounter a LEGO.

Dad of two, Kutcher recently revealed his interesting trick for preventing those unsavory words from slipping out––he self-censors. As the actor demonstrated to The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon, he leaves a pause in the sentence where an expletive might be.

He rolled out his made-for-tv trick and Fallon instantly picked up on it, exclaiming “I love that you just censored yourself. That’s amazing. No one’s ever done that!” And of course Ashton responded, “I have children.”

They then proceed to have a completely self-censored, expletive-filled conversation and it’s gold. Watch it a few times and you’ll be able to pick up the hack yourself… or just enjoy the laughs.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: The Tonight Show via YouTube

 

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The Secret Life of Nursery Rhymes

By Cali Notte

When you hear the phrase “nursery rhyme,” you probably think of “simple”. They’re short, and obviously have to be able to be understood by the youngest of us. But a lot of our feelings of simplicity come from the fact that they are so familiar. We hear them thousands of times by the time we’re adults and I’m sure you can recite dozens by heart without a second thought. But many of the rhymes hide a deep complexity. To me, they prepare us for the greater stories and experiences we’ll have throughout our lives.

Take “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.” I’ll use that as my example today because it’s one of my favorites and has been one of the favorites of every kid in my family growing up. The

First thought: It’s a boringly simple story. Not true! It follows perfectly the five act structure made famous in Shakespeare’s plays. It starts with some exposition (“The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout.”), the tension rises with the conflict and rising action (“Down came the rain and”) till the climax hits and calamity strikes (“washed the spider out.”). The matters begin to resolve in the falling action (“Up came the sun and dried up all the rain,”) and finally we are left with the conclusion or denouement (“and the itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.”). It may have simple concepts, but that’s anything but a simple story.

Now, I’m not saying you should go explain Gustav Freytag’s Pyramid to your child so they can understand the deep hidden meaning of this tragedy of the tiny spider, but it’s a great introduction to the stories we love best. Whether it’s Hamlet or Endgame, we learned to appreciate heroic tales sitting on our mother’s lap.

The poem contains some pretty complex language structure, too. Take a look at the rhyme broken down as a sentence diagram. (Don’t worry! There won’t be a test. I know many people break down into panic sweats when they remember diagramming sentences in school.) Notice how involved those middle two bits are. When a sentence is simple, you can basically read the diagram left to right, but you can’t do that here. That’s not to mention all the tails and branches and implied words they contain! Plus, do you notice the symmetry? Without even knowing it, your teaching your child the beauty and the complexity of language and getting them ready to enjoy the language of poetry.

Finally, nursery rhymes not only help teach story and language, they’re an introduction to social interaction as well. For my family, who live so far apart from each other, Skype has fundamentally changed how we stay in touch with each other. My little niece has been so lucky that despite living so far away from aunts and uncles and grandparents, she still gets to see our faces almost every week. It’s so normal to her that my sister has to explain to her that sometimes she won’t be able to see our faces if it’s just a normal phone call. (I’m still not sure she fully understands this). I bring this up because, like me, The Itsy-Bitsy Spider is her favorite story and she lets us know that. Before she could even really talk, she would sit in front of the camera and touch index finger to index finger and thumb to thumb, over and over again until we obliged and sang the song to her. She’d join in the motions, and clap her appreciation when we finished. Or maybe (if the adults were having a conversation) we’d say no, and she learned to patiently wait and ask again when the timing seemed right. That’s incredible social knowledge that you can’t impart on a kid by explaining it, we pass it down through interactions like this. In this day and age of screens and instant gratification, those kinds of social skills are getting harder to impart on our kids, it’s important that we continue these old traditions that do just that.

There are so many other benefits that I could list. They teach us history and metaphor. They teach us patterns and numbers. They teach us humor and morals. I’m sure you could list more. (And I’d love to hear some of them in the comments!) So I hope we never look down on our trusted nursery rhymes for being too old and simple, because they are wonderfully complex and some of the best tools we have for preparing our children for tomorrow.

This post originally appeared on Cali’s Books.

I'm a mom of two lovely chilren living in LA. I trained as an engineer and worked in banking and for Disney. Now I create musical board books for children like those I found in France, my home country. I loved books since childhood and wanted to introduce children to the joyous world of words and music.

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Life Sentence: 6 Ways to Write a Story with the Kids

by Amber Guetebier

With a limitless imagination and endless enthusiasm, there is no better author than a small child. Put their natural storytelling skills to paper with these three easy ways to write a story together today. Scroll down to get scribing.

1. Story Jar
Fill a jar up with small pieces of paper and big ideas. You can list three things, as in: dragon, fireplace, child, or put a starter sentence, i.e., “This is the story of how I lost my hat.”  Have each person in the family create a short story from their draw. Parents, you might want to write it down for future reference (awwww).

2. Mad Libs
You can write your own version of these for the kiddos to fill out or print out our fairy-tale themed ones (find them here). Younger kids may need reminding what a noun, adjective and verb are (teachable moment!) but older kids can fill in the blanks on their own. Print more than one and have everyone do theirs at once, then have a storytelling session after to share your creations.

3. Shared Tales
All you need for this one is a pen and a piece of paper. Each person will write one sentence in sequence. You can limit it to a specific number of pages (like 2 or 3) if you want to make sure it doesn’t become the neverending story. Simply kick off this creative session with a sentence such as “Once upon a time there was a” and unleash their imagination. Pass the paper around and have every family member write their one sentence, or if your kids aren’t writing yet just have them tell you and you can be the scribe. You can designate number of sentences per person to keep it fair and square with multiples. This one is great in a group and at family gatherings, because it becomes even funnier if you don’t see every sentence as it builds. 

Alternate: Do the above but fold the paper each time so that each person can only see the sentence before them.

4. Reinvent an Old Favorite
Take a classic that the kid’s love and have memorized down off the shelf and read the first page (or paragraph if it’s a chapter book). Instead of finishing the story as it is written, invent a new plot or ending to the tale.

5. Section It Out
Take your time creating a story in stages. Start by choosing a setting: where will the story take place? What does it look like there? Have the kids write 2-3 sentences minimum about their setting. Now work on your character or characters: who is you main character? What are they (boy, girl, robot, dog). Who else is in the book? What do they wear, eat, smell like? Now tackle plot! What will happen in the story? You’ll want an intro, some kind of conflict (i.e. a problem to solve—what will Bear do when he finds out he is out of jam?) and then resolution (Bear’s buddy Snake shows up with marmalade! They dance the night away in The Happy Woods!). You can even work on these one day at a time.

6. Dictionary Draft
Using a dictionary (a real one, the kind that looks like a book!) to randomly select 3-5 words that each kid has to work into their story. Let siblings choose the words for each other. This one has the added bonus of getting learn new words.

Need more lit-inspired fun? Check out our ideas for acting out your favorite story with the kiddos.

What is your favorite way to write a story with your kiddos? Share it with us in the comments below. 

words and photo by Amber Guetebier

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This Is How I Teach My Child Simple Manners (You’re Welcome)

By Jennifer Porter

If you want to know one of my most gratifying parenting moments, you’ll have to say please. I’m always delighted to learn from a friend or acquaintance that my child was polite without prompting.

There’s nothing like knowing that my daughter has shown gratitude to boost my confidence that she’s on her way to becoming a polite adult. I also recognize that the odds of another playdate invitation or carpool offer go up too!

When I teach manners class to children at my kids shop in Seattle, we start with the basics. Polite introductions with a firm handshake and eye contact are first on the list, then comes table manners, tips for engaging in relaxed conversation and finally how to write the ever important and sadly, disappearing thank you note.

Classroom or not, I’m sharing a few simple tips and tools that will leave a lasting impression on those who have the good fortune to interact with your children.

Table Stakes

The bare minimum to any manners tool kit is the standard please and thank you. Model this behavior early in every type of situation from family moments to visits to the grocery store.

Use body language including eye contact to show children how to easily and genuinely show their gratitude. When this becomes habit, the foundation has been set to teach the rest of those charming skills that will serve your children their whole lives.

The Eyes Have It

No evil eye here. Kids need to be comfortable making and holding eye contact with adults and children alike. Practice when you’re at the check-out counter or out to eat. Have children say thank you to the grocery store cashier while looking them in the eye.

Keep it Light

Etiquette is the practice of making others feel comfortable around you. The best way to teach and learn manners is to have fun practicing. If your kids are having trouble interacting with adults because of shyness or inexperience, practice at home until you’re laughing.

This physical practice and the laughter that goes with it, will help give kids the confidence they need and the muscle memory to take their manners outside the home and brighten the world.

The Standout

If you want to teach kids manners that will set them apart and get them invited back EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Coach them to engage adults with ease. The unprompted compliment or question is a real game changer.

Picture the exchange. Your child has been invited to stay for dinner following an afternoon play date. The host’s family is gathered around the table and your little angel proclaims, “This mac and cheese is delicious! Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner.” Cue the open-mouthed care giver and the delighted smile that follows along with, “You’re very welcome! We’re so glad you’re here.”

Show your kids how much a sincere compliment can spread kindness and joy. One of my parenting practices involves complimenting my kids on unexpected things they say. If I notice them answering a sibling’s questions with patience, I tell them. My compliments are often met with a quiet moment, which I know from experience means they’re processing how my compliment makes them feel and reinforces the original act.

Reciprocate

In the manners classes that I teach to children, I love to show them how easy it is to get a fun conversation started by parroting. This is a great tool for kids as it’s simple and easy to use. When someone asks them a question, they politely answer and ask the same question back.

I coach kids to then think one step ahead and try to add a relevant detail to the conversation based on the original question. This makes it fun and easy for a child who considers himself shy to engage right away.

Put It In Writing

The final tool that every polite child should employ is through written gratitude. A child’s written thank you note has many benefits not least of which is penmanship practice. My easy formula for writing a thank you note starts with an address to the recipient.

Next, the first sentence opens with how the gift made the child feel, what a surprise it was to discover the thoughtful gift or how the child intends to use or enjoy the gift. The next sentence captures the child’s gratitude with a sincere thank you. My 1-2-3 thank you note formula then closes with a special hope or added connection to the gift.

For example:

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Happy new year! It was fun to see you over the holiday break and have a chance to play a lot of cribbage together. Thank you so much for the cribbage board you gave me. I can’t wait to see you again soon when I hope to break Grandpa’s winning streak.

Love, Your Grandson

This thoughtful note will go a long way to brighten Grandma and Grandpa’s day along with securing the next holiday gift!

I noted above that etiquette is the simple practice of making those around you feel comfortable and celebrated. With these tools, every child is empowered to make an impact in their community AND get invited back!

Featured Photo Courtesy: Nicole De Khors

Jennifer Porter is the owner of Satsuma Kids Shop in Seattle where they believe that today is a gift, so let's put a bow on it! Jennifer is also a writer and surface designer who blogs about ways to celebrate little and big every day. Thanks for sharing the love!

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This Is What It’s Really Like to Have a “Weekend” Husband

By Sehrish Qaxi

“You’re so lucky!”

“You don’t have to wake up early to help with breakfast or do that extra load of laundry!.”

“You don’t have to deal with a man-child every single day!”

These are only some of the few things I keep hearing from friends and family on account of how my husband is only home on the weekends.

After almost two and a half years of marriage, I only smile in response. There is of course no benefit in pointing out how I’d gladly trade my husband’s job with their spouse’s, so I could have him home every single day. Only people who live separately are truly able to understand what it means to hug your beloved goodbye every Monday morning, knowing the next time you get to see them is after five long days and nights.

It Wasn’t Always Like This, at First

Even before getting married, I knew I would have to live without my husband because he had switched jobs right after we got engaged. Maybe I should have taken the hint then and there—but the guy truly loves and misses me when we’re apart. Now that we have a beautiful baby girl, going back to work every Monday has become even tougher. The move was necessary for future career success and we both believed it would be temporary.

Sadly, things don’t work out as you desire and my husband has been unable to find another job within the main city. He’s been trying his hardest and applying pretty much everywhere, but we’ve both stopped questioning our circumstances and have left it to fate. That most certainly does not mean it has become any easier.

This Is What It’s Like to Be on Your Own

I’ll be candid: Being on your own during the week is not the piece of cake it may seem. If you’ve been through this, you can relate. It’s not that you just miss the extra help and the free drives everywhere—it’s the small things that tug at you each and every single day: The loving smiles, the bear-tight hugs, the patient listening ear, the sudden playful tickling or the sense of constant comfort and absolute warmth. And let’s not forget the minute arguments and nonsensical fights that generally end quickly because staying angry for too long is almost impossible.

There are also the bigger things: Sitting alone at night, awake with a crying baby because she can’t sleep, little to no free time as because there’s just too much work to do, not getting any outside chores completed because the supermarket is pretty far. (I don’t know how to drive and going alone with the little one is immensely difficult on my own.) The worst parts for me though are those moments when I’m exhausted to the bone and there is no one to hold my hand and tell me how much my efforts mean to our little family. With just a single sentence, my husband is able to charge me back up. But he isn’t there to say them because we barely talk through the weekdays.

When my husband isn’t home, it’s like all the lights have dimmed down. I notice this most when he gets back, because laughing, talking and daily tasks become so much easier and more natural—it’s like all the gloom has been sucked out of the environment and things have brightened up when he returns.

And Baby Made Three

Since our baby birth, it seems letting my husband go after every weekend has gotten harder still—for both of us. He envies how I have the baby with me while all he has are photos and videos of our daughter on his phone. I understand, but even so I believe men simply don’t feel as deeply as women do—so I stick to the mantra of “I miss you more.” He knows I’m right, so he only laughs.

Our daughter is the joy of both our lives, but raising babies on your own is no easy task. They demand the best of you and pretty much drain you of most of your energy. I feel I am not enough as I try to keep up with her growing needs. And I know that for me, doing it all alone is both—and depressing sometimes, too.

It’s the times when I want to simply throw down everything and cry at the top of my lungs alongside my daughter is exactly when I need my husband to be here the most. The times when she refuses to sleep or eat is when I need him to take charge and handle things in his level-headed way. This is the reason why God created parents in pairs: When one has had enough, the other can step in.

I love seeing the two of them together. My husband is the most caring and gentle dad I know and our daughter is definitely the love of his life—after me of course! It breaks my heart to see that she is not as close to him as she could be if he were living with us the whole week. I’m hoping that as she grows up she realizes just how special a place she has in her father’s heart and reciprocates the affection.

This Is What Keeps Us Going

To all those who think life becomes easier when you are living away from your spouse, here’s a little tidbit: The grass seems greener when it’s on the other side. Don’t tell couples like us how relaxed or uncomplicated things are for us. Most have no idea how families like us would change our situation within the blink of an eye.

A marriage is about companionship, support and being there for one another—not just for the big life events but the small daily affairs. It is about laughing together and fighting on the most insignificant of things. It’s about telling each other just how much you mean to the other, whether through words, a simple touch or just a glance. These gestures reinforce that, no matter how tough or unpleasant it may get, you two will stick together every single day. Marriage is about being together—when you can!

My husband and I continue to strive for a tomorrow that enables us to be with each other, raising our baby together. Hope keeps us going. As for those of you who have your spouses with you, be thankful. Show them love and let them know how much their presence matters.

For the ones like me, hold on. You will get through this, too.

Featured Photo Courtesy: Dakota Corbin via Unsplash

Me? A first time mom to an absolutely gorgeous, feisty little madam! These days, it seems like that is the only identity I have. An English Literature graduate, I'm reader by passion and writer by profession. Other than my family and friends, my love extends to food, travel, songs and movies. 

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Dreams Do Come True: A Coffee Shop + Playroom Combo in NoVa

by Meghan Yudes Meyers

A well-blended cup of coffee is magical. Transformative, even. The perfect spot to sip your joe? That’s kid-friendly, to boot? Well, that’s downright utopic. If you’ve already found that little slice of shangri la, it can be hard to abandon it for something new. But hear us out; Sterling, Virginia’s Ridgetop Coffee & Tea isn’t kid-friendly in the here-is-a-handful-of-crayons-to-keep-kids-quiet kind of a way. This community-centered shop could easily double for an indoor play place. Yes, really!


Sip N’ Play
Here’s the scoop: The playroom at Ridgetop is designed for kids up to age 6 and boasts an indoor jungle gym, an indoor basketball hoop, a doll house, a kitchenette a special area designated for kids under two, and more. And the best part? It’s free (F-R-E-E). The entire space is enclosed by a glass wall, so Mom (or Dad) can keep an eye on Junior while actually carrying on an adult conversation. We love toddler-speak (kids really do say the darnedest things!), but sometimes you just want to be able to finish a sentence with a friend. Did you catch the part about the glass? You can keep an eye on your kiddos, but — truth be told — you can barely hear them (genius!).

Java Aficionados Rejoice
While the playroom is swoon-worthy, we should point out this is a bonafide coffee place with a local vibe; the coffee hails from Caffe Amouri, the tea from Dominion Tea, and the baked goods from Herndon’s Boutique Bakeshop.  For tiny fingers, Ridgetop offers free cups of Cheerios. You’ll find tables large enough to accommodate big groups (and, if you ask, you can make use of their complimentary conference room), tiny tables for little ones and a section of sofas and chairs to relax over a puzzle or board game (this place is stocked with lots of games, puzzles, books and more).


Class is in Session
Ridgetop hosts a number of kid-centric activities, like Story Time for the six-and-under set and Activity Time for children in 3rd grade through 5th grade; be sure to check out the shop’s event calendar before going.

21631 Ridgetop Cir. (Sterling, Va)
703-444-6444
Online: ridgetopcoffeeandtea.com

Have you checked out this coffee shop yet? Tell us about it in the comments section below. 

–Meghan Meyers

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Sit for a Spell: 4 Takes on Scrabble for Kids

by Amber Guetebier

Your little word lovers don’t need to have memorized the dictionary to be able to have fun playing Scrabble. In fact, with these variations, they can have fun while learning to recognize letters and spell words. Read on for four ways to play Scrabble with almost any age.

photo: wokandpix via pixabay

Simple Spelling Scrabble

Using two, three and four letter words practice building on other words like you would in a regular game of Scrabble. (You can decide the limit of letters based on your kid’s reading/spelling abilities.) Take turns, draw new tiles, but make this a less competitive game: the focus is more about learning to see how words form. In this version you can leave out blank titles and even scoring altogether. Check out our two-letter word list for kids for ideas.

Scrabble Jr.

You don’t need a special board, just adjust the rules a little based on age and level. For younger kids, you may want to avoid using the blank tiles. Skip the extras like triple letter scores until they’re ready. Keep score and play according to regular rules. Have a dictionary handy to help look up words and spelling.

Phonetic Fun

Dump the tiles out in one big pile, flip them over so you can see the letters. (You can play this one with Bananagrams too). Let your kiddos find and spell out words on the board without worrying about connecting them together. They can sound out words and search for the letters. It’s okay if the words aren’t spelled exactly right! This one is about sounds and searching.

Rhyming Word Hunt

Use the tiles to spell out a word that has a lot of rhyming cousins. For example, “bike” and then let the kids find letters to create the rhyming word. M for mike, L for like, etc. If you are keeping score, award a point for each time your child finds a rhyming word and bonus points if they can use it in a sentence.

Do you play Scrabble with your kiddos? Do you have a rule variation for the littles? Share your tricks with us in the comments below.

—Amber Guetebier

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This Week’s Funniest Tweets About Parenting. We. Just. Can’t. Even.

by Red Tricycle

From the soccer carpool to the never-ending assortment of mismatched socks, sometimes there are days when you’ve only got a few seconds (or 140 characters) to get a good giggle. Well, sit back and get ready to scroll because we’ve scoured the Twitterverse for moms and dads that rap about the highs and lows of parenting, and the results are hilarious.

1. Byeee.

2. How. Dare. You!?

3. Whatever keeps the little sweethearts busy…

4. Aww, picture perfect! <3

5. That’smygirl!

https://twitter.com/SuburbanSnaps/status/778956391583277056

6. Same?

7. If you must, please attempt with caution.

8. We’re glad we aren’t the only ones.

9. Worst. Game. Ever.

https://twitter.com/andwhatamom/status/778336152277221378?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

10. They say the darndest things, right?

11. Challenge accepted.

12. So True!

13. Whoever created this deserves a punch in the face.

14. Those clowns are NOT okay.

15. The more you know…

https://twitter.com/TheSuperParents/status/777683732991836160?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

 

Which one is your favorite? Let us know in the comments below!

 

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Men Share Advice on Things NOT to Do or Say When The Wife Is Pregnant

by Red Tricycle

Photo: Pixabay

In a survey done on the site Quora, men were asked “What are some things to NOT do or say when your wife is pregnant?” Some answers made us laugh hysterically, and others made us mad. Scroll below to see some fatherly advice (and share this with a soon-to-be dad you know!).

1. When my wife was pregnant with our first, she was confined to bed. She went from 115 pounds to 210. One day, close to delivery when she was free to move about, she lay in a little inflatable pool on our patio. I gazed at her in the little pool, and called her “Baby Shamu”. Now my wife was an Israeli army captain, and taught judo so she could easily kill me. I’m just lucky she didn’t. — Gary Stiffelman

2. If you ever find yourself saying something like, “I’m tired of going to Taco Bell for you, can you have an apple instead?” You better have the sentence, “I’m just kidding, I’d be happy to. What can I get you?” coming right after it. It’s best to let her eat what she wants, when she wants. If not, you’re asking for a fight. — Jagir Jhaveri

3. My sister was almost due. Her husband had been married before, and had two kids. He was watching Top Gear on the TV (he really, really likes Top Gear). She said “I think it’s time to go to the hospital.” He said “We can go after Top Gear. I’ve had two babies, so I know.” She said “You haven’t had any (bleep) babies”. And punched him in the face. —Anonymous

4. “Could you not bleed on the carpet – we’ll lose the deposit.” — Dan Knight

5. “I know how you feel.” — Hugo Venturini

What are some things you advice people not to say or do to a mom-to-be? Let us know in the comments below!

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