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Sweeten up your Valentine’s Day by ordering fresh roses on Amazon Prime for pronto delivery. Whether you’re looking to make a statement with a bodacious bouquet or a single stem, Amazon has once again found a way to make our lives simpler.
Snowstorm? Pandemic? Toddlers? Not this year. Thanks to Amazon Prime’s rose delivery, absolutely nothing should stand between you and the floral expression of love you crave (or that you crave to give, but that you’ve possibly forgotten to order weeks in advance).
If you are feeling stressed, grab your family and hop in the car. There’s nothing that lifts your spirits like being out on the open road.
Outdoorsy released its Road to Wellness survey last summer and it found that 94% of North American families are happier and healthier after taking a road trip and spending time outdoors.
According to the survey, 71% of those who had to cancel their summer travel plans due to COVID-19 are now considering alternate vacation options such as a road trip. Of those who responded 70% would rather go on a road trip with family or a significant other rather than going alone.
Air travel is still a hassle. 65% of parents say that it is easier to drive with children than to fly with 75% of respondents noting their last road trip was a “much needed escape” and would plan to take one again soon.
Those working from home have caught the travel bug. Remote workers are 2.5 times more likely to say they would take more road trips if they had access to an RV, with 72% reporting they are planning to take more road trips as a result of the widespread work from home policies as a result of the pandemic.
Parents find that their kids are much more appreciative on road trips. Of those surveyed, 93% said they feel more bonded with their children when on a road trip with 75% adding that their kids say “thank you” more often when on vacation.
Millennials are 2.13 times more likely than any other generation to spend their COVID-related stimulus funds on a road trip this year and Boomers are 1.8 more likely to opt out of plane travel this year.
A recent poll of 1,000 moms revealed what leading ladies really want for Valentine’s Day––and it’s not about flowers and candy.
The study, conducted by OnePoll with Zulily was all about uncovering what mamas want after the horror that was 2020. It found that the number one “gift” was “me time” and that’s pretty much all it takes to feel loved this V-Day.
photo: Zulily
The topic of “me time” arose out of the result that found 55 percent of moms believed they has spent too much time with their partner and needed a break. Nearly 75 percent also believed that it was just as important to spend time apart when in a relationship.
Amidst the pandemic, research also demonstrated that expressions of love have changed, with 33 percent of moms reporting a change in their love language. In fact, brand new love languages have emerged!
The updated languages now include
Partner doing household chores: 45%
Relaxing but doing own thing in the same room: 41%
Cooking a meal: 36%
Playing video games: 28%
Sending/sharing memes: 27%
Megan Marshall, director of brand marketing for Zulily says“Finding joy in the moment and understanding how to communicate, show love and receive appreciation is always important to all relationships whether it’s with a significant other, ones’ children, or other women in their lives. This is what we’re excited to celebrate this Valentine’s Day.”
No matter what your love language is, the study revealed that almost 80 percent of respondents believed their partners should know their love language, even if theirs differs. Now, about that “me time…”
I heard it once said that those of us with special needs children suffer a loss. But when we first hear about our child’s diagnosis, it often at times, stays festered up inside. Keeping us full of denial and not wanting to believe it is true. We aren’t physically suffering a loss. We suffer the loss of a dream we had. We have missed expectations and missed experiences.
This is not how it was supposed to be. When bringing a child into our family we imagine what their first day of school will look like. Not, will my son ever speak? By this I mean will he be able to verbally communicate what is going on? You look forward to picking your child up on the first day of school and asking them how their day went. For the past few years of my son attending a developmental preschool, that is a question I have been unable to ask him. I have to rely on his classroom teacher to write it down. I have to rely on his therapists to tell me what they worked on in therapy and how well he did or what issues they had. This is not what it looked liked as I dreamed about my child’s future during pregnancy.
You look forward to activities you can do as a family. If we don’t learn to accept that we are suffering a loss and integrate it into our lives, we will just continue to get knocked down over and over.
Forget about date nights with your significant other because your life turns into revolving around your child. At least for my family, it has. Or worse yet, trying to visit another family or attend holiday celebrations. It’s hard, as much as we try to explain to our family what our son can and cannot handle, they just don’t understand. Is it their fault? Sometimes I feel yes, but then sometimes I remember they don’t live the life I do. They don’t see it on a daily basis to understand what we try to explain. Still, though, more often than not, it saddens me.
What about a simple trip to the store? Up till a few weeks ago, we hadn’t been to a store as a family in months. The experiences of taking your child to the store to get a toy? I can count on one hand how many times we have been able to attempt this. Most end with my husband taking our son out to the car while I get what is needed.
I feel like, in a way, we don’t just try to meet our child’s needs but also end up trying to meet their wants.
I grieve the fact that playdates are not something that will probably happen. I joined a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group where we live, trying to socialize. Make fellow mom friends and allowing Graham social interaction with other kids. Unfortunately, it was not anything like what I imagined. I attended one play date which consisted of me chasing Graham around. I didn’t get to interact much with the other moms and it broke my heart to see my son not socialize with other children. All he wanted to do was run.
Our family outings are rare unless it’s for a doctor’s appointment and then we try to make a day of it. The only day of the week where my husband doesn’t have to go to work, Graham doesn’t go to school, or have therapy is Sundays. I grieve the loss of just our family time, just us three. I struggled with deciding to put Graham in so much therapy at such a young age. I mean who doesn’t want their child to have time to just be a kid?
We started early intervention services at 18 months old. He started going to a developmental preschool Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. He receives speech, occupational, and for a year he received physical therapy. But when we started having more issues with his behavior from the frustration of not being able to communicate, we had to look into additional therapy. So we applied for home ABA therapy and after a 6-month wait, we now do 20 hrs a week of that as well.
Did I ever imagine grieving over things lost with raising an autistic son? Of course not, I imagined a life full of outings, conversations, and family gatherings. We don’t just stop or give up. But things look different for us.
I'm a wife and a mom. I have a three year old son. I spend my time advocating for special needs children, bringing awareness and acceptance to all. My son was diagnosed with severe autism at age two. He is my life.
Why should kids have all the fun? Sam’s Club is already making spirits bright this year by releasing an exclusive 12 Days of Wine Advent Calendar. Each one is labeled with a fun, wine-inspired ugly holiday sweater!
Each box contains 12 different 187ml bottles which is enough for you and a friend or significant other to share. All are products of California.
Varietals in the pack include Cabernet Sauvignon, Chardonnay, Zinfandel, Cabernet – Syrah Blend, Red Blend, Cabernet – Merlot Blend, Pinot Noir, Pinot Grigio, Sweet Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, Merlot and Rose’.
This calendar is only $37.98 for 12 shareable mini-bottles.
Look for this fun Advent calendar in your local club.
As a couples’ therapist and practice owner, I’ve noticed a dramatic upswing in calls from couples requesting therapy. The stresses due to the pandemic and the economy are causing so much angst and uncertainty. Add in children and you compound the difficulties of social isolation and insecurity during COVID-19 and in 2020.
At my private practice in Toledo, Ohio the phone has been ringing off the hook from couples everywhere are on the edge and struggling due to the side effects of COVID-19. Couples are being weighed down by the amount of time they are now spending together with their significant other in close quarters, uncertainty about the future, parenting challenges, financial worries, and fear of getting sick.
As a parent, being alone at home with, very likely, only the company of children and a significant other right now may feel overwhelming, exhausting, depressing, or lonely. Reaching out to our significant other for comfort and support is a logical choice, but with the emotional strain of the global pandemic, our partners are likely struggling too. This recent increase in stress can lead to more frequent disagreements, disappointments, conflict, and arguments. To assist partners to deepen their connection with their spouse or significant other, and even thrive, during this time, I am recommending five no-fail ideas to help create a strong relationship foundation.
1. Move Your Bodies Together: Time spent together working in the yard, or simply taking a walk together will help you connect. Not only are you carving out intentional time for each other, but you are also raising endorphins together while building emotional intimacy through conversation. It doesn’t have to be intense discussion—simply exchanging thoughts and stories is enough. So, get those sneakers on and get moving, and holding hands never hurt anyone either.
2. Step Away from the Remote and Shut off the Electronics: The glowing screens of televisions, phones, tablets, and video games can be real relationship killers. The number of couples I see in therapy who mention their partner’s obsession with social media, online gambling, adult videos, or gaming apps is higher than ever. Take responsibility if you are one of the guilty ones. These activities are fun and highly addictive. They are created that way so advertisers can make money from the people who are addicted. Try being counter-cultural and carve out screen-free time in your home. Pick times of the day, or days of the week where you commit to being electronics-free. Make plans to go to a farmer’s market, cook dinner from a new recipe, visit a local park, work together on a home improvement project: anything but stare mindlessly at a screen while ignoring each other.
3) Spend Time Talking and Learn More about Each Other:As a couples’ counselor who, myself, has been with the same man for 27 years, I am continually amazed that I learn new things about his life before me. There are so many stories to share: from our childhoods, our years in high school, our families of origin, our hometowns, and more. Ask questions beyond “What should we have for dinner tonight?” to try and draw more from your conversation time together. “What’s your happiest holiday story?” , “What’s your most vivid memory from third grade?” , “Which was your favorite grandparent?”, “What got you in the most trouble as a kid?” Continuing to get to know your partner, even after decades together, will continue to strengthen the bond you share.
4. Allow Space for Emotions and Process Feelings Together: Whether you or your partner is the one feeling frustrated, sad, hopeless, angry, or irritated with all the changes thrown our way because of the pandemic, go with it. It’s important to feel and process our emotions, otherwise, we get caught in an unhealthy pattern of stuffing our feelings down and numbing them with food, alcohol, shopping, and other maladaptive coping skills. There is great significance in discussing with your partner how you feel, and what you think is at the root of those emotions. Allow space for your partner to do the same with you. Take an attitude of curiosity: don’t seek to fix the problem or rescue your partner from their emotion. Simply ask questions and give them space to share their thoughts. This builds trust, connection, and ultimately greater closeness.
5. Be There for Each Other by Offering Practical Support: So many people in therapy report feeling lonely right now. Even in a partnership, while quarantined in the same house, we can feel isolated and alone. Take the time to check in with your spouse or significant other by specifically asking “How can I support you today? How can I be a good friend for you right now? Is there something you could use my help with?” Showing you care by offering yourself as a helper to your partner can create greater trust and commitment for couples. Letting your person know that you have their best interest at heart is a sure-fire way to increase positive, loving feelings between the two of you. A great friendship is at the core of every epic love story. Strengthening the friendship we have with our partner by helping them with a chore, holding them when they are sad, listening when they want to talk, or watching a funny movie when they need to laugh are small ways we can deepen our friendship with the people we love.
A romance that survives the stress brought on by a global pandemic is good, but a romance that thrives despite the stressors of this time is even better. Choosing to make time to connect with our partner is an intentional decision. With the stressors of modern life, putting time and effort into our most important relationship is something that we need to constantly prioritize. Make a commitment to follow these simple tips so that you can not only make this time of social isolation bearable but maybe even a time that the two of you look back on warmly as you remember the ways in which you intentionally grew closer together.
Erin Wiley, MA, LPC, LPCC, is a clinical psychotherapist and the Executive Director of The Willow Center, a counseling practice in Toledo, Ohio. The clinical focus of her therapy work is marriage, family, parenting, and relationships. She has extensive training in marriage counseling from the Gottman Institute.
When was your last romantic date with your significant other? Was it a night out on the town or a candlelight dinner? According to a survey of 2,000 parents of school-aged children conducted by OnePoll in conjunction with Groupon, it’s probably been a while.
The study examined the romantic lives of 2,000 parents of children aged 5-18 and uncovered seven in 10 reported that the romance in their relationship significantly decreased after having kids.
According to new research, the average parent hasn’t been on a romantic date in more than three years. 30% of the parents polled said it’s been so long, they don’t even remember when was the last time they went out, just the two of them.
The majority of the respondents say it’s something they want to change, as 81% say that they need to step things up and have more frequent date nights. More than half long for the freedom they had before they became parents.
The most important thing parents miss about life pre-children is spending quality time with their partner. They are nostalgic about their lives before kids, wanting to have more sex, sleep in, travel, more, and simply having more alone time.
Though they may miss the lack of responsibility of their lives back before they had kids, 77% of those surveyed revealed they are happier and more fulfilled now that they have children.
Working parents look forward to spending time with their kids and family at the end of a long day. With making dinner as the number one thing parents reported looking forward to after a busy day at work, followed by tucking the kids into bed, reading bedtime stories, and snuggles.
In fact, even when it comes to how they spend their Valentine’s Day, 79% would rather spend the day as a family rather than one-on-one with their partner.
“As parents, it’s great if we can pull off a romantic date night experience with our partner on Valentine’s Day. However, it’s also about celebrating our other loves, too,” said Groupon’s Head of Experiences Brian Fields. “And when it comes to finding the perfect gift for all of your loves, our research shows that experiences are remembered nearly 40% more than physical things and leave people feeling nearly 20% happier.”
Maybe this survey will serve as the catalyst to get more parents to spend more time going out and doing something special with the one they love.
Pregnancy can be a joyful time, one of excitement and anticipation as we prepare to welcome our own little miracles into the world. But pregnancy is also a challenging time of sleep loss, strange eating habits, sometimes embarrassing bodily functions, and roller-coaster emotions. Sometimes the very last thing pregnant ladies want to hear is exactly what friends, family and strangers at the grocery store choose to say to us. To make things a little easier, here are a few phrases to avoid—and one phrase guaranteed to make a pregnant woman’s day better.
1. You look like you’re about ready to pop! This expression isn’t only rude, but it’s kind of gross to think about. With the abundance of new stretch marks, the climbing numbers on the scale, and our desire (and right!) to eat whatever we want, the idea that a pregnant lady could pop doesn’t always seem too far-fetched. There are some days we already feel like we actually might pop, so if you could just hold that thought inside your head forever and not vocalize it, that would be great.
2. Are you carrying twins/triplets/a whole litter/some other clever something that indicates we are bigger than we are? (AKA Are you sure there’s only one in there?) We get it, okay? We are bigger than we normally are, and clever you, you’ve noticed! And you’ve decided to comment on it. Thank you so much for your opinion and for feeling the freedom to voice it so openly. But there’s something you should know: We know we’re getting bigger and you have two choices. Choice one: Lie to us. “Wow, you’re already in your eighth month? I would never have guessed anything past month three!” or “My goodness! You’ve only got this tiny bump in the front and you haven’t gained an inch anywhere else!” We know you’re lying, but it’s the kind of feel-good-fib that we need you to pull from your pocket during this time of rapid weight gain. Or choice two: Say absolutely nothing at all. (Always a very safe bet.)
3. You look so tired. So do you, but we didn’t feel like we had to say that to you, did we? Sorry, didn’t mean to snap. We haven’t slept in several weeks. Yes, we’re tired. The body pillow stopped working long ago in its quest to deliver comfort, and the ache in our backs that the heating pad simply cannot soothe kept us up for hours last night. And then we were up from 2-4 worrying if we had ordered the right car seat, if we did or didn’t believe in epidurals during delivery, if we had remembered to cover that last plug in the bathroom, and if we should have bought stock in Amazon before this month, when it seemed like a Prime package was arriving every day. Then, we had to get up and pee (again), then back to bed for more worrying before finally dragging ourselves to the shower to start our day. Then we had to go to work, or the gym, or our mother-in-law’s house, or a luncheon, or something that required effort and energy, and, most often, a smile on our faces. So yes, we look tired. Because we are very, very tired.
4. Anything at all about breastfeeding. Unless you’re our significant other, obstetrician, doula or lactation consultant, it’s none of your business. So don’t ask unless we bring it up first. Breastfeeding is a natural thing and it’s proven to be one of the most important things for baby, but some women struggle with it. And we don’t have to discuss it with you. And don’t ask us about it when the baby gets here either. Just let us do (or not do) our thing.
5. I bet you want to order pickles and ice cream. Chances are, probably not. Just because it’s a stereotype doesn’t mean it applies to us. And our hormones are pretty raging right now, so a comment like that (meant in jest and good nature) might just be the thing that pushes us over the edge. We don’t know why; it’s just annoying. So don’t say it. If you think we actually want pickles and ice cream, then go get us some. Along with a box of Apple Jacks, a mango, and some fresh flowers. (Because we’re pregnant and we deserve to be brought flowers.)
6. What’s your birth plan? Again, not your business unless you’re one of the aforementioned people. Pretty much, unless you’re going to be in the room, assume that information is off-limits to you unless we offer it up ourselves. We might be getting an epidural or we might be going au naturel. We might be waiting around for a week for a little person to finally decide to make an entrance, or we might be inducing (we’re busy, okay?). Whatever our plan is, it’s our business and none of yours.
7. You must be excited about being a stay-at-home-mom. Again with the assumptions! Some women want to stay at home with their little ones for as long as they can; some have to go back to work; and some are excited to go back to work. Some women work from home and juggle both. Here’s all you need to know: It’s not 1950 anymore and a woman has the right to decide her next steps after baby arrives. And whatever she decides is a good decision, because it’s hers.
8. (After asking if it’s a boy or a girl) Are you going to try again for a girl/boy? Why is it that some people are never satisfied? And can we please just finish growing this baby before we start talking about another one? You never know what we have gone through to be carrying this one, and maybe we would like to take some time to be able to be truly grateful for our currently growing little one. And what’s more, we may be completely satisfied with the boy or girl we are carrying, and we don’t have any intention of having another. Or maybe our hearts did fall a little when we cut into that gender-revealing cake and saw pink when we were hoping to see blue. Most likely, we’re just fine with whatever is coming our way, but with the swollen feet, pounding headache and weird body functions we’re currently experiencing, the last thing we want to think about right now is doing it all over again! Whatever it is that’s going on in our heads, it’s best to leave that subject alone.
Stumped on what you should say to pregnant woman? There’s one thing that will always land right and keep your foot as far away from your mouth as humanly possible: “You’re doing a great job.” It’s not easy to create a life (at least not for the mother), and carrying a baby gets harder and harder the larger we grow. Of course, we’re excited and grateful, but pregnancy is tough, and sometimes all we really need to hear are the words, “You’re doing a great job.” And you know what? Those five words are still going to be some of our favorite words to hear for the next 18 years (and beyond) as we navigate the crazy world of motherhood, so use them often.
IKEA offers a lot of unique products to make your home cozier and your life easier, but nothing in the Swedish home furnishing store provides as much laughter as the company’s new feature that allows you to create a custom IKEA couch.
Twitter users picked up on the creative possibilities of building your own IKEA couch when user @rudermensh posted a self-designed mega sofa, which the IKEA platform priced at over $15,000. The post garnered thousands of likes and comments prompting followers to have a little fun with the IKEA couch designer.
Twitter users quickly responded to the original post with some very unique configurations of their own, like this one that spells out the word “couch.”
Let’s say the dating thing worked out and you met someone fantastic, and you are so excited and cannot wait for everyone to meet him because he is so great! While it is true a happy parent can make for happy children, it is necessary to be conscious about how a new partner can affect the dynamics with your kids. Deciding when and how to make an introduction between your significant other and your children must be done in a thoughtful manner where there is balance between all concerned parties—this includes you, your children, your new man, and yes, even your ex.
Dating while Divorcing
Depending on when you last dated, the sheer idea of re-entering the dating world can be overwhelming. If you have a new man in your life but you are still wearing the wedding ring given to you by your current husband, then do not (under almost any circumstance) introduce your new paramour to your kids. I realize in many affairs, the children have probably already made the acquaintance of the person you might be thinking of introducing them to—it might be a neighbor, a family friend, or even the husband of your PTA nemesis. Regardless, never let your kids find out about this relationship before your husband does.
Timing Is Important
If you have already fled for divorce and are separated from your husband, then we are dealing with a somewhat cleaner area when it comes to your love life. While you may have some stage fright, and you might also feel you are in no way ready to think about a new relationship, the time may come when you meet someone with whom you feel you could have a future. However, realize that introducing the idea of a new dad to your kids could easily make your ex freak out. Realize that you can even significantly destroy a relatively cordial split by making your ex feel threatened by the fact some guy is taking his place in his family.
See the Situation through the Eyes of Others
No matter who was responsible for pulling the plug on your marriage, it is imperative that you take a step back and consider the situation through your children’s and your ex’s eyes. The idea of a new Mr. X fling a romantic void in your life could be disturbing to your ex and your children alike. Your kids have never seen you with anyone other than their father, and this could throw off their equilibrium.
In their thinking, if you have a new man in your life to replace their dad, does that mean you could have new kids someday too? In the children’s mind, you are their mom first, and anyone else should get their hands off! Remember that children can be just as possessive as your ex.
The Legalities of Dating Pre-divorce
One key issue to explore is where you are with custody and if there is the possibility of a custody fight presenting itself in the future. If there is the slightest chance of a custody dispute (meaning that a parenting agreement has not already been drafted and signed), I would strongly recommend no introduction be made to the person you have started dating. The last thing you need is your ex making it seem to a judge that you have poor judgment when introducing Mr. Rebound to your kids and letting him use the old toothbrush their father left behind.
A second consideration is specific language could be put into your separation agreement that any introduction to a significant other cannot occur unless the relationship has lasted for a certain amount of time. There can also be stipulations stating that if an introduction were to take place, the ex-spouse would be provided advance warning.
Jacqueline Newman is a divorce lawyer and matrimonial law expert. As managing partner of a top-tier 5th Avenue Manhattan law firm focused exclusively on divorce, her practice runs the gamut from prenups for high net worth people contemplating marriage to high conflict matrimonial litigation in dissolutions.
