There’s no shortage of information out there on the topic of getting your baby to sleep because, as you’ve probably already learned, being sleep-deprived is not fun. From sleeping through the night to nap routines, schedules and even self-soothing, there’s a lot to know about sleep when it comes to your babe. To help you wade through a bit of the confusion (and avoid that overwhelmed new parent feeling), here are a few of the most important do’s and don’ts of baby sleep, with help from Amanda Jewson, sleep consultant and founder of Baby’s Best Sleep.
Do: Let them sleep as much as they want for the first 3-4 months. Really.
When babies are newborns, their circadian rhythms aren’t fully developed. They sleep a LOT (around 16-20 hours a day!)—but in an irregular pattern. That means it’s pretty tough to get your baby on any kind of routine or schedule. “These initial months are a time of adjustment for your newborn as they’re still getting used to feeding and sleep patterns,” explains Jewson. But she stresses that there’s one time to be a little more diligent with even a wee newborn: If they have their days and nights mixed up. “You’ll want to correct that by waking from naps to feed and expose the baby to sunlight. Keep interactions overnight to a minimum and offer feeds quickly and in the dark when possible.”
So unless you’re dealing with day-night confusion, try to cut yourself a little slack and don’t obsess about sleep times and bedtime routines and all that just yet. Let your wee newborn sleep as much as they want, whenever they want, for the first 4 months or so.
Do: Set up a consistent place for them to sleep.
Once you and your baby are ready for a bit of a routine and schedule, setting up a consistent place for them to sleep is definitely key. Sure, it’s great to let them sleep on you while you’re watching TV or have them doze off while you’re out and about, but it’s not ideal once they get past that itty-bitty newborn phase and you establish a predictable routine. Having them go to sleep in the same place consistently will help them associate their sleep environment with bedtime—and you’ll all hopefully be getting the Z’s you need! Try setting up a room with a few safe sleep essentials essentials like a crib, blackout shades or blinds for a darkened room, and a white noise machine, and put them to bed there regularly for naps and at nighttime.
But don’t stress if this doesn’t totally work for your family. “I believe in the value of consistency, but I also appreciate the need for flexibility,” says Jewson. “For instance, you could aim for the first few naps to always be in the crib and then have some “on-the-go” naps later in the day to suit your lifestyle. Mostly, doing things that allow for the family to function is always preferred over a set routine or method. A problem is only a problem when it’s a problem for your family!”
Don’t: Keep them up late in order to try and get them to sleep in.
One thing you’ll hear a lot when the topic of baby sleep comes up is this: Sleep begets sleep. “Contrary to popular belief, keeping your baby up late doesn’t mean they’ll sleep in the next morning,” Jewson stresses. “Babies and young children have early circadian rhythms, meaning their bodies are ‘pre-programmed’ to wake early no matter when they go to bed.” So the later they go to bed, the less total sleep they’ll get—and getting an overtired baby to sleep is a challenge all in itself since their bodies can start to release cortisol, which makes it hard to settle. So heed our warning: If you keep your baby up late in hopes of a longer sleep-in, you’ll likely just end up with a sleepy and grumpy baby. Not fun for anyone.
Don’t: Ignore sleepy cues.
Over time, you’ll come to know your baby’s unique pattern of sleep cues, which present in two phases for newborns. “Look out for early sleep cues like a faraway stare, disinterest in play, or slower feeding,” Jewson explains. “Later tired cues like eye-rubbing, yawning, or fussiness may mean you’re past the point of having an easy sleep.” Once babies get older, the later cues become the ones to watch for. When you start noticing the things your baby does when they’re tired, try your best to get started on your naptime or bedtime routine as soon as possible. There’s nothing worse than missing a tired baby’s window and crossing into overtired territory.
Do: Develop a bedtime routine.
It may seem very minor, but wind-down time right before bed is crucial for little ones. “It serves as a signal to your baby that it’s time to wind down,” Jewson says. Your bedtime routine can be as simple as a bath, a cuddle, and a story, then off to sleep. Whatever you choose, keep it consistent so that your baby knows it’s time to relax and drift off to dreamland. The best part? “A bedtime routine is a simple and painless way to improve baby sleep immediately!”
Do: Use that routine at nap time, too.
Naps can be tricky because babies and kids seem to hate them, but parents love them—and everyone needs them! So, if there’s anything that can be done to help encourage your baby to nap, we’re all for it, and Jewson says that means incorporating a bit of your nighttime routine before naps. “At nap time, you can employ some elements from the bedtime routine, like reading a short story or dimming the lights, to establish the association with sleep and these pre-bed activities.” Anything they can associate with sleep will make it easier on you and your baby.
Don’t: Rush in the second your baby makes a little noise.
Babies tend to make a lot of noise when they sleep, but just because they’re fussing a little doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to get up. Even though it’s pretty much a burning instinct within us to pick our baby up as soon as she cries, Jewson says to wait. “Before rushing in to soothe a crying baby, I suggest waiting a few minutes to see if they’ll self-soothe.” That being said, it’s important to discern whether your baby is briefly fussy or actually distressed—and you can generally trust your intuition on this one. Trying your best to let them practice falling back asleep on their own is a great life skill that will serve you all well in the long run.
Do: Whatever works for you.
You can try following every tip, trick, schedule and philosophy under the sun when it comes to sleep. In the end, you’ll find that whatever works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for you and your family because every child is unique. “The best approach suits your family’s needs and aligns with your child’s temperament,” Jewson explains. “Be flexible and willing to adapt your strategy as your child grows.” And don’t feel the need to fix other people’s problems—just the ones that make it hard for your family to function. “All the rest will come out in the wash!”
We all remember what it felt like to be a sleepy teenager—the alarm always seemed to go off too early, and it could take hours to shake off the sleepiness that lingered through the first few class periods of the day.
Though some parents might be quick to write their teens off as lazy, this sleepiness isn’t their fault. It actually can often stem from early school start times for many who struggle. While adults might be well-suited for earlier wake-up calls, teenagers’ circadian rhythms—the light-mediated internal cues that help regulate sleep—are wired in a way that leaves teenagers sleepy in the morning and more awake at night. This is perfectly normal; our circadian rhythm changes throughout our lives, and unfortunately, school schedules just aren’t planned around ensuring our teens get the sleep they need.
In fact, teenagers’ body clocks are best synced to bedtimes around 11 p.m. or midnight, with a wakeup time around nine hours later. With some schools starting classes as early as 7:30 in the morning, and students needing time to get ready and get to school, it’s no wonder teens are so sleepy.
From a sleep perspective, teenagers would benefit most from school start times that begin no earlier than 8:30 a.m. This shift would mitigate the dreadful side effects of sleep deprivation teenagers face and overall improve teenagers’ mental and physical health.
States that have tested later school start times have seen promising results. A 2020 JAMA study followed five school districts in Minnesota from 2016 to 2019. In 2016, all five schools followed a baseline start time of 7:30 a.m., but between 2017 and 2019, two schools pushed their start times back by 55 minutes or a full hour, while three continued operating with early start times. At the end of the study, the researchers found that the kids who started school later got an average of 43 more minutes of sleep per night than their early-bird counterparts.
Further evidence suggests it can lead to improved academic outcomes. Plus, another 2020 study found an association between later school start times and a decrease in teen driving accidents.
The concept might be catching on nationwide. Beginning in July 2022, California became the first to mandate that middle and high schools can start no earlier than 8 or 8:30 a.m., respectively, and New Jersey, Alaska, New York, and Tennessee have all considered following suit.
The idea is also gaining support among teachers, who see first-hand the repercussions lack of sleep can have on teens. “About half of my middle school kids can barely stay awake the first two periods of the day,” teacher Melissa Rowe told Sleepopolis in a June interview. “As for high school, I literally have students who fall asleep on the floor in my classroom.”
Of course, every middle and high school across the country isn’t going to be able to make this shift overnight. Luckily, there are some ways parents can help their teenagers get the best night’s sleep they can. If you think your teenager is sleep deprived, try these tips to get them back on track:
Encourage proper sleep hygiene as often as possible.
Set a regular bedtime and rise time, including on weekends to maintain a schedule.
Dim both room and electronic lighting to reduce exposure to bright lights before bed.
Encourage sleepiness.
Consider eliminating technology use after a certain time before bed, and remove it from the bedroom.
It’s important to remember that teenagers should never be forced to choose between sleep and something else. Teens often find themselves in the position of choosing between sleep, sports, and homework, and doing all three can seem impossible. Keep an open dialogue and help them balance the workload coming their way without sacrificing sleep. Think about where overscheduling is an issue and where you can cut back to allow enough time for sleep.
Sleep is vital to a teenager’s health and happiness. Early start times are a real obstacle to adequate rest for teenagers and their differently wired circadian rhythms, but there are roadblocks that parents, health care providers, school administrators, and educators could overcome if we all worked together. And for the sake of our teens’ health, it’s imperative that we give it a try.
Dr. Shelby Harris is the Director of Sleep Health at Sleepopolis. As a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in behavioral sleep medicine, she treats a wide variety of sleep disorders, including insomnia, nightmares, and narcolepsy, with a focus on non-pharmacological interventions. She is board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and the author of The Women’s Guide to Overcoming Insomnia: Get a Good Night’s Sleep Without Relying on Medication.
My friends and I often discuss how parenting circles have warned us about how difficult it is to raise teenagers. However, nobody prepared us for the pre-game stage: raising tweens
As a mom of one teen, two tweens, and a first grader, I can attest that there is no easy parenting stage. Each age group of kids brings their own set of challenges. Arguably, we are the least prepared for raising tweens, who, according to The Cleveland Clinic, are also known as pre-adolescents between the ages of eight and twelve. They note these years are a “distinct developmental period not only physically, but also psychologically.” Tween behaviors often shock parents and caregivers because they’ve been told that the toddler and teen years should be the most behaviorally challenging.
We all know our kids go through growth spurts, times when it seems they cannot possibly inhale enough food. Other times, they seem to live on light snacks. Though a tween’s eating habits are expected to ebb and flow, any drastic and long-standing changes should cause parents to pause. A child who seems to be counting calories, who refuses to eat dinner with the family, or who seems to be sneaking food and binging isn’t healthy. According to Dr. Jones, obsessing over food, avoiding food, or consuming far more or less than usual can be signs of depression, an eating disorder, or another physical health problem.
Drastic interest changes.
Your child couldn’t get enough baseball but suddenly wants to quit their team, pack up all their baseball memorabilia, and stop wearing their baseball graphic tees. What gives?
While it is normal for a child to change interests throughout their tween years, and they may desire to switch “hobbies, activities, or friends,” when a child has no interest at all, caregivers should be concerned. There could be an underlying issue, and you need to do some digging. Dr. Jones says perhaps your child has joined “the wrong crowd” and wants to drop their interest due to “peer pressure to feel cool, popular, or respected.” This could also be a sign that the child is depressed, or there’s a “why” behind them quitting their beloved activity, such as bullying. Parents need to approach their tween with curiosity, and if there is an issue, rope in a professional.
Obsessing over someone.
“First crushes often happen during the tween period,” Dr. Jones says. However, if your tween is “excessively talking about, following, and communicating with just one person,” parents should see this as an opportunity to discuss what healthy relationships are and aren’t, while also trying to model healthy relationships and boundaries. This is also a good time to talk about self-worth and explain that talking to strangers or communicating with older kids (or adults) online in a flirtatious and secretive way is never okay. Keep close tabs on your child’s phone (if they have one), which can be a gateway to these conversations.
Complaints of pain.
The occasional headache, sinus pressure, or fever is normal for anyone. However, Dr. Jones shares that a child who complains of physical pains, like a constant stomach ache, could suffer from a mental health disorder. The problem could be physical, such as food intolerance, but stomach pain can also be a symptom of “anxiety or bullying.” According to Dr. Jones, you should take physical pain concerns to the pediatrician for evaluation and guidance.
Dr. Jones says that if a tween is doing this, caregivers should ask themselves if the child is responsible enough for a phone. If you decide they are, establish and enforce age and ability-appropriate rules surrounding cell phone usage, including times the phone can be used and which apps and games are allowed. If rules are being violated, Dr. Jones points out that while the child could be “seeking privacy and independence,” this could also be a red flag for hiding content. The key is communication with your child and enforcing consequences, such as losing access to the phone for a period when rules are violated.
Sudden and drastic sleep changes.
Yes, tweens and teens will have changes in their sleep patterns, especially during puberty when their bodies and brains are changing and growing. Dr. Jones notes that some of her patient’s cause of sleep changes is due to less adult supervision—parents might lighten up and allow the use of devices close to bedtime or allow the child to have screens in their bedrooms. “This is a recipe for deferring much-needed sleep,” she says.
And while a sleep-deprived kid may be “disinterested or even irritable” day to day, this isn’t the only reason a tween’s sleep may change. Dr. Jones says “physical and mental health problems,” and “recent trauma” can cause sleep disruption or deferral. She says parents need to “always investigate,” and then seek professional guidance, such as their child’s pediatrician.
Telling lies.
Fact: everyone lies at some point. However, Dr. Jones says tweens are becoming better at lying. Trying out a lie here or there isn’t a red flag, but “excessive lying is problematic because it can damage relationships, trust, and reputation.” Dr. Jones suggests that if parents notice their tween is lying more than ever, they need to “investigate their reasons and meet their needs.” They also may need to look inward because Dr. Jones notes that kids whose parents use forms of physical discipline are setting their children to tell untruths to avoid being harshly punished. She suggests a positive parenting approach where parents hold misbehavior accountable but also “reduce the need for lying as a survival tactic.”
Sudden grade changes.
If your student has a B average in school and starts failing multiple classes, there could be a few causes. Dr. Jones says one possibility is an undiagnosed learning disability “that unmasks as schoolwork becomes more challenging or the load is heavier.” Additionally, tweens face more social pressures during their middle school years, which can distract them from focusing on academics. Another possibility is a traumatic life event like the death of a loved one. The key, Dr. Jones says, is to communicate with your child and seek extra help if needed.
Mood swings.
Tweens inching toward their teen years will inevitably face “mood changes, testing of limits, and struggles for independence.” Dr. Jones assures us that these are typical. However, it’s how we help our children deal with the myriad of pressures and changes that can make or break the tween. Caregivers need to help their tween manage behaviors “in a peaceful and guiding way.” If parents notice that the tween’s mood shifts are drastic to the point of causing harm to themselves or others, or if “they impact functioning in daily life,” the caregiver needs to take the child to the pediatrician. If the tween has shifted into a new way of existing, such as never wanting to leave their bedroom, not even for basics like food, this is a red flag.
It’s helpful for caregivers of tweens to do research on parenting during the tween years, as well as typical tween development and behaviors. When a tween behaves in a way that’s out of the ordinary for their age group, Dr. Jones wants parents to pay attention and get help, if needed. These smaller behaviors can be “the first signals something is going wrong,” and we should take the “earliest opportunity to help them.”
For moms, family vacations often aren’t vacations at all (case in point: the viral mom who spent months planning her family’s big Disney trip only to wonder what it was like for her husband to just show up). Moms already shoulder most of the childcare, household chores, and mental and emotional labor in heterosexual partnerships, and vacation is no different—too many dads head off to hit the golf course while mom is left to entertain kids, schedule activities, and plan meals.
Writer and mom Taylor Wolfe’s viral video is a perfect illustration of this. In it, she parodies a toddler mom on a family vacation, alternating between gushing about the memories her family is creating and having an absolute breakdown because caring for a toddler on a trip is objectively harder than doing it at home.
“I’m having so much fun, I’m so glad we did this. Traveling with a toddler is hard, but it’s worth it,” she says in the beginning of the video.
Cut to the next scene, which shows Wolfe collapsed on the floor outside a hotel room door, saying, “She’s not down yet. That’s why I’m sitting here. IT’S NOT DARK ENOUGH!”
Cue grateful Wolfe, who explains, “We’re all in different seasons of life and this is a short one. It’s hard but it’s worth it.”
Then, Wolfe frantically digging through a suitcase explosion, muttering to herself, “I can’t find anything in this f*cking suitcase. No, the sippy with the straw! It’s her sippy or she’s not going to go to sleep. Son of a b*tch.”
Wolfe continues alternating back and forth, eventually reaching that existential point where she questions herself as a mom.
“I’m not good at this,” she says, just a moment after exclaiming, “I’m such a good mom.”
Yeah, every sleep-deprived mom on a “vacation” has been there.
There is hope, though—toddlers eventually become kids who can (mostly) feed and entertain themselves. That’s when vacations really start for moms, and that day is coming—hang in there!
Kayla Sullivan’s news anchor reports capture all the ups and downs of parenting, and this one about maternity leave is no exception
Anyone who’s taken maternity leave in the U.S. knows it’s no picnic—but also knows that not everyone gets that. You might already recognize the viral news anchor mom from TikTok: Kayla Sullivan, a toddler mom who uses hilarious “news reports” to capture all the ups, downs, and in-betweens of parenting. She’s back with another video you won’t want to miss, and this time, it’s all about the chaos of maternity leave.
“Breaking news: you just gave birth, and even though you have six to 12 weeks of some of the hardest work possible, people will ask if you enjoyed your ‘time off,'” Sullivan says in her video, where she reports from her car using a toddler teething toy as a microphone. “I can confirm maternity leave is not a vacation. You’re 100 percent sleep deprived, drowning in baby laundry and dishes, and you’re living on a few quick bites of reheated casseroles or takeout.”
She continues, describing one of the absolute nightmares that new moms often have to deal with: “This just in: someone dropped by to see the baby without asking first. Authorities are working to determine why people think that’s OK.”
But as Sullivan notes, maternity leave, for all its hard parts, can also be absolutely wonderful.
“In other news, while you’re rocking your daily messy bun, have no time or energy to shower, and are dealing with extreme post-pregnancy hormones, you’re also falling so deeply and completely in love with your new baby,” she says. “You don’t even care that there’s spit up in your hair! Sources say you’ll melt with every little baby coo all while obsessing over the number of times they went poo.”
Sullivan, a former reporter and PR pro, has built a following on TikTok for her humorous videos where she strikes the perfect news anchor voice and uses household items as microphones. She’s gone viral for reporting from the middle of her toddler’s tantrum, from outside the bedroom where the kiddo is “detained” for nap time, and from the aftermath of a trip to Grandma’s house, where her child was fed nothing but sugar and indulgence (and it shows).
Michelle Obama opens up about being “on the other side of parenting” and the unexpected joy of watching your kids grow up
If there’s anything parents know, it’s that time flies. One day your kids are in diapers, the house is a mess, and you feel like you’ll never know what it’s like to get an uninterrupted night’s sleep again. And before you know it, your kids are going to school, becoming teenagers, graduating and starting their own lives. Michelle Obama knows this all too well—her two daughters are now both in their 20s. And on a recent episode of her podcast, Miche opened up about the unexpected joy she’s experienced during this new stage that she calls, “on the other side of parenting.”
“I’m moving from mom-in-chief to advisor-in-chief,” she explained on the first episode of her new podcast, The Light Podcast. “That’s a lovely thing—to be able to watch my girls fly and have the relief that ‘Okay, I think I didn’t mess them up.'”
That doesn’t mean that nothing in Obama’s relationship with her daughters has changed—but she points out how some of the changes are welcome, like how she’s able to communicate with Sasha and Malia without “a critical eye.” She recalled one incident when Malia walked into the room in wrinkled clothes.
“She walks in, maybe the second time I saw her this morning, and I was like ‘you’re wrinkly, you’re gonna do something about this’ and she was like ‘yeah mom,'” Obama explained. “And then I thought, ‘I did it.’ I greeted her with, instead of what I felt, which is, ‘sit on my lap, give me a kiss’’ I’m fixing things. I’m pointing out, ‘oh my god your hair is not right here.'”
She continued, “What Toni Morrison says is that our kids just want our gladness, they don’t need us to fix them. They don’t need us to point out the thing that is wrong, first.”
That’s some advice moms everywhere can take to heart.
The change in her relationship with her kids is a big part of why Obama says she thinks some of her best days are ahead of her.
As the now 59-year-old mom put it, “I didn’t feel like I came into my own until I was in my 50s.”
So to the sleep-deprived moms with chaotic homes and lives, this is your sign: enjoy every moment you can (when you’re able), but know that it only gets better from here.
Celebrate women this month by shopping a mom-owned business. If you’re pregnant, you’re going to want to check out the last business on this list.
March is Women’s History Month and we can’t think of a better way to celebrate than by supporting local female entrepreneurs and DMV business women. If necessity is the mother of all invention, these DC-area Moms know how to meet our local needs! Read on to learn about some fantastic and creative DC Momtrepreneurs and you just may find one who makes your new favorite cake, can solve your family’s sleep or nutrition woes or create the bag you have been looking for. Read on to get inspired!
Some of Our Favorite Women-Owned Businesses around DC
Scout Bags
Scout Bags may be popular all over the country but the mastermind behind it all is DC Mom Deb Waterman Johns. As a Mom of four Deb understands how important it is to stay organized and have functional bags. As a Georgetown designed she knows how important it is to look good while schlepping the kids all over town. Scout Bags combines the best of form and function. Scout Bags releases hundreds of limited edition designs each year and many of them are hand-drawn.
Black books matter! That's why DC Mom Ramunda Young (and Dad Derrick) founded MahoganyBooks. They have a brick-and-mortar shop in Anacostia and an online store with one of the most largest inventories of Black books online. The shop is open, but you can also request curbside pickup or conveniently shop online and have your holiday order shipped. MahoganyBooks is located in the Anacostia Art Center, home to a number of galleries, small boutiques and restaurants.
Lori Mihalich-Levin knows how hard it is to be a working Mom in the DC Area. Lori created the Mindful Return Maternity Leave E-Course and is the co-host of the Parents at Work Podcast,. Her company, Mindful Return, also offers templates for expecting parents to develop Maternity and Paternity plans and courses specifically for working Dads and parents of kids with disabilities. The first year of motherhood is hard. Having someone who has been there, guide you through and develop a plan can help.
Who better to support expecting, laboring and new Moms than another Mom? Michelle Cohen is a Washington DC birth and post-partum doula and yoga instructor who founded Savor It Studios. Michelle has helped countless parents in the DC area through the journey of becoming new parents from pre-natal yoga classes to helping Moms labor to providing post-partum support.
The Sweet Lobby, based on Capitol Hill's Barracks Row, is known for both its classic as well as its globally inspired flavor incarnations and specializes in French macarons, madeleines, éclairs, shortbread, canelés and more. Owner Dr. Winnette McIntosh Ambrose is not only mom to two, she's also a two-time TV champ, having declared victory on both Cupcake Wars and Chopped. These award-winning treats caught the attention of Jill Biden last year when she shopped for Valentine's Day gifts.
DC Mom Doron Petersan is on a mission to bring tasty vegan treats to the masses. Her bakery, Sticky Fingers serves up guilt-free cupcakes, cinnamon buns and brunch that everyone enjoys. If you have any doubts about how delicious Sticky Fingers treats are know that they are the first vegan bakery to ever win Cupcake Wars All Stars. Have a little chef at home? As a Mom herself Doron knows how much kids like to help in the kitchen and her virtual baking classes are very kid-friendly!
Owned by a DC Mom (and Dad) Child's Play Toys and Books is the place to go for the biggest selection of quality toys, games, art supplies and books. Staff travel the world to find the best and don't sell it unless they have personally played with, created or read the items on their shelves. Their enormous variety is perfectly curated include high quality, good value, fun toys to be cherished for years to come. Their very knowledgeable staff can made recommendations based on age, budget and interest.
After too many sleepless nights with babies who thought it was time to party at 4:00 a.m. DC Mom Jessica Dodson knew there had to be a better way. She learned how to get her own children to sleep through the night and then started a sleep coaching business, Starlight Sleep Coaching, to help save other new Moms from the fate of needlessly spending months in a sleep-deprived haze.
When the kids have had too much screen time it's time to pull out a board game for some serious family bonding time. Capitol Hill Mom Kathleen Donahue opened Labyrinth Game Shop after she could not find the perfect game for her son to bring to a birthday party. Since then, Labyrinth has expanded to carry everything from games for kids to sophisticated games and puzzles perfect for date nights at home.
DC Mom Lauren Cooper Allen runs two small businesses out of her Washington, DC home, Aspen Street Cakes and Lauren K. Cooper Food Styling and Photography. As a Mom of three, Lauren understands how important birthdays and other special occasions are. She can turn any idea into a masterpiece that's almost too pretty to eat.
DC Mom Cassandra Hetherington started 51stStatePhotography, a greeting card company featuring photographs from around the DMV, to showcase what makes our area so special. These cards feature everything from the colorful murals found around town to flowers found along the C&O Canal. 51st State Photography cards are the perfect way to send a note to a loved one or to include with a gift. They are sold at local markets and Shop Made in DC.
When a couple of DC Moms got tired of seeing only fair-skinned princesses and could not find many images portraying Black and Brown boys in positive ways they decided to do something about it. The result is Epic Everyday, a collection of backpacks, t-shirts, towels and more featuring kids in a range of mocha-hued skin tones and hair types. The “epic” in Epic Everyday stands for Empowered, Positive, Innovative, and Creative. When it comes time for the kids to buy new a new backpack, lunch box, towels or sheets look local first!
happyly was created by three Moms, Caitlin Iseler, Elizabeth Duall Regard, and Randi Banks, who live in DC and Alexandria. These friends wanted to take advantage of everything the DC area has to offer but spend less time planning. Their app has now grown to 30+ cities to help parents create customized experiences in their hometown, on daytrips or while on vacation.
When DC Mom Sarah Potter looked around her child's playroom and noticed it was full of plastic she decided to take matters into her own hands and start crocheting toys. She started off small and slow but soon started Hooked and Loopy and now makes everything from crocodiles and foxes to Amelia Earhart's and RBGs. Hooked and Loopy can even make custom creations so your child can truly have a one-of-a-kind lovey. Tip: You can find Hooked and Loopy creations at Shop Made in DC, The National Museum of Women in the The Arts and other retailers throughout the area.
Most Moms notice how quickly their kids grow out of clothing but Alexandria Mom Megan Polodosky decided to find a way to keep kids looking great in "gently used" clothing outgrown by other dressed-to-the-nines tots. Her answer is 529 Kids Consign which is now a thriving upscale children's and maternity consignment boutique that ships all over the country. Shopping at 529 is a great way to stay stylish while saving money and supporting a local Mom!
Valery’s Wonderland Treats are hand-crafted by mom and entrepreneur Valeriia Li in her Chantilly, VA home with a next-level precision. From cakes and cookies to other delectable treats, these works of art are almost too breathtakingly beautiful to eat! Flowers, The Beatles, little fairy homes – even anime is not outside her ability to create the perfect, one-of-a-kind dessert for your one-of-a-kind celebration. It does take some time for her to gather ingredients and prepare your stunning creation, so Li does recommend placing your order at least 3-4 weeks in advance via Whatsapp.
Alexandria Mom Mai Trinh is a Wellness Speaker and Chronic Disease Expert who founded Mai Health Now years ago to help others live a longer and healthier lives. As a widowed working Mom of three, Mai knows how important it is for parents to take care of themselves - and how hard it can be be to actually make that work. Mai wants every parent to achieve optimal health so that they can be their best for the kids and enjoy themselves. She also knows how hard it can be to get kids to eat their veggies and has a plan for that too!
Let the food come to you with Pure Love Macarons. Mom-on-a-mission Kim Moehnke started this gluten-free bakery business after wrestling with food allergies in her own home. Pure Love Macarons is a home-based bakery that makes Paris look like it’s churning out knock-off macarons.
One DC Mom had enough of non-alcoholic bland drinks. When Pauline Idogho was expecting she wanted to have just as much fun as her friends who were enjoying cocktails and the idea for Mocktail Club was born. Mocktail Club beverages ensure that everyone skips alcohol because of pregnancy, health concerns or because they are a designated driver can actually enjoy what they are drinking. Because Mocktail's flavors are based on Pauline's travels these drinks will also remind you of what it's like to be on vacation. Bonus: kids can upgrade from juice for a special treat!
Shopping is an inevitability but the good news is in 2022 you’ve got choices. From beauty brands that are using untapped resources to make products to mom-invented clothing brands that are easy on children’s skin—ideal for kids with sensitive skin and sensory issues—and easy on the planet, there are even more ways to make little choices that make a big difference. Read on to learn about some eco-friendly brands you’ll feel great supporting.
Therapy Clean
What if cleaning actually changed your mood for the better? That's exactly what happens when you use Therapy Clean. Made with natural fragrances like juniper, lemon zest and eucalyptus, they are scientifically proven to improve your mood! Choose from dish soap, all-purpose, stainless steel, granite and stone, window and glass, wood and cabinet and even tub and tile cleaner. Therapy Clean products are plant based and contain no ammonia, pthalates, bleach or parabens. Additionally, each product is cruelty free and never tested on animals.
You're going to love these sustainable, eco-friendly, reusable food wrappers and snack bags that are perfect for lunchboxes. Gone are the single-use zip bags and in are the sandwich wraps that keep your kid's PB&J secure. We love that these provide a clean eating space for lunchtime. Their snack bags also come in cute designs like pineapples and panda bears so your kids know which ones belong to them. Making small steps to protect our planet is an easy way for you to show your kids how to be environmental stewards.
You're going to love the sleek and lightweight design of the Suga waterbottle from Brand Factory. It's made out of super sustainable sugarcane so you can feel good about adding it to your kid's backpack for school or outdoor adventures. Your coffee cup also got an upgrade from Brand Factory with the Moka coffee cup made from coffee grounds. Available in 12 and 16 oz. sizes and two colors: pebble and sand.
Cleancult is not a fan of single-use plastic, so the brand set out launch their products in the most eco-friendly packaging possible. The free-from-harsh-chemicals products are shipped in recyclable milk cartons that you can toss yourself or send back through the company's mail-back program. Cleancult is proud of its carbon neutral status, biodegradable ingredients and non-irritating formulas.
Developed by a mom and nurse who struggled to find clothing options for her children's sensitive skin and eczema, Crann Apparrel features all-natural fibers, GOTS Certified organic cotton, TENCEL™ lyocell, and hemp with no harmful chemicals or dyes. These clothing are ideal for any child but in particular for children who suffer from sensitive skin, eczema, and sensory issues. All clothing is produced in small batches and is shipped in 100% recycled mailers. Crann Apparel is part of the 1% For The Planet program and currently, offers joggers, sweatshirts, boxer briefs, t-shirts, with more to come!
This woman-owned, mom-founded brand makes high-quality, stunningly beautiful games and activity kits for families that reflect a deep commitment to the community, the planet, and people. The products teach compassion, curiosity, cooperation, inclusion, and respect and the brand promotes recycling and sustainability by choosing FSC®-certified products, vegetable-based inks, and minimal packaging.
Edify is a women-owned, online shop for ethical and sustainable clothing and accessories. All brands listed on Edify must meet their strict values criteriafor sustainability. Shop here for beautiful, unique products that support founder diversity, community impact, sustainable materials and more. Look for items like the Live More Organic Tee ($48) from The Soulshine Co., which is one our favorite small eco-friendly brands based in Los Angeles, CA.
Not only is Everyday Humans a Plastic Neutral Certified company, but they are also a 1% For The Planet Member, WOC/AAPI-owned, and they create some of our all-time favorite sun, skin, and body care products ever. Lately, we’ve been loving the Ease Up PHA Watery Oil Cleanser made with the ultimate upcycled awesomeness: Upcycled Green Fig Extract pressed from repurposed fig stones from food waste! There are tons of antioxidants in this discarded piece of the precious fig. Everyday Humans harnesses it and we are here for it.
Cleanyst is the easiest way to make your own products and save the planet at the same time. Once you purchase the mixing appliance and reusable bottles, you are helping to reduce carbon emissions and single-use plastic waste when you use the concentrate pouches shipped in minimal packaging. Cleanyst products are USDA Certified Biobased, Leaping Bunny Certified, 100% vegan and do not contain animal-derived ingredients. Currently, you can whip up your own shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, household cleaning products and laundry detergent with several fragrance options. Even better, the company's biobased pouches are fully recyclable through a mail-back program that is supported by TerraCycle and its Zero Waste Box program.
Sheets Laundry Club is saving the planet from plastic "one laundry sheet at a time." The company's products are simple and clean and all packaged without plastic! We especially love their signature patented Laundry detergent sheets: pre-measured, dehydrated sheets of detergent that dissolve instantly in the wash and make laundry so easy, the kids can help. Stock up on basics like eco-friendly dryer sheets, scent boosters and cleaning products for the home, each of which reduce your carbon footprint.
You're going to love this Black-owned, woman-owned business that offers nontoxic household cleaners delivered right to your door. April Sargies, founder of Cloth + Bristle, took her more than 25 years of experience in the professional cleaning industry and identified limited options within the market for products that were free of the toxins/chemicals that worked effectively on delicate and fine surfaces. This problem inspired Cloth + Bristle, and the renowned patent pending No. 001 all-purpose cleaning product. You can order up one-time delivery or get it sent to you on the regular via their subscription service.
Finding natural and sustainable beauty products that work just got easier. Cleo+Coco's products are made with plant-based ingredients that have been carefully vetted for quality, potency and safety. Shop cleansing bars, deoderants and dry shampoos/body powders that are safe, nontoxic and synthetic fragrance and filler free. When it come to packaging, Cleo+ Coco's deodorants come in 100% recyclable bottles with compostable refills powders.
Blueland is changing household cleaning with its efforts to eliminate single-use plastic packaging. The company has already diverted close to 2 billion single-use plastic bottles and is a B Proud Corporation Certified brand. You can find soaps, cleaning sprays, laundry and dish products that come in tablet or powder form and are mixed with household tap water that saves both money and space.
It doesn't have to cost a lot to get safe, effective cleaning products. Lemi Shine is made with plant-based ingredients, biodegradable formulas, powerful citric extracts and is free from bleach, ammonia, parabens, gluten and alcohol.
Hello Bello has delved into cleaning with its new plant-based line that comes with vibrant packaging, environmentally-friendly design and pleasant scents. Coming in three products that include a Glass Cleaner, Multi-Surface Cleaner and Wood and Floor Cleaner, each product comes in a reusable bottle and with interchangeable scent pods. The entire line is plant-based and made without synthetic fragrances or dyes, bleach, ammonia, MIT & BIT, gluten or phosphate. Plus, Hello Bello’s reusable bottles results in a 90% smaller carbon footprint and 80% plastic use reduction. The 3-Pack Cleaning Starter Kit is available in lemongrass sage and cucumber scenes and retails for $24.98, making it one of the most affordable sustainable cleaning lines.
Maxi-Cosi knows carrying the future means protecting your little one, and our planet. With the new PureCosi™ product line, they've developed children’s car seats that meet flammability standards through material and design choices, not with added chemicals. Now, you can get the Coral™ XP Infant Car Seat or the Mico XP Max Infant Car Seat with high-quality fabrics that are removable, washable and made without added fire retardant treatments. Plus Maxi-Cosi's cupholders are made without BPA, so your little one can snack happily in their Pria™ 85 2-in-1 Convertible Car Seat!
Each&Every is bringing customers natural deodorants, fragrance and shampoo bars with ingredients that are all validated by the Environmental Working Group (EWG). The company's lineup of products are vegan, cruelty-free and made with plant-based packaging for deodorants. Tinybeans editors love the natural deodorants that come in 10 fragrance options, are made with just six base ingredients and contain no aluminum, parabens, synthetic fragrances, baking soda or gluten.
Did you know that the majority of fragrance products today use harmful chemicals? Grow Fragrance is different. They use a farm-to-table approach that relies on nature and what’s in season to inform the scents they create–– and they disclose every ingredient used in their products. The brand is a Certified B-Corporation, and are a part of the Leaping Bunny Program and 1% for the Planet initiatives. Grow Fragrance candles are the first-ever certified 100% plant-based, toxin-free candles. and are intentionally designed with sustainability in mind. Each insert is made from aluminum that can be recycled after use.
Grove Collaborative makes getting clean products into your home a breeze. The sustainable home and personal care service delivers a huge variety of sustainable and eco-friendly products to your home, with recurring deliveries as an option. Every product is B-corp certified and all orders are 100 percent plastic neutral. Choose from well-known brands that include Mrs. Meyer's, Seventh Generation, Stasher, method and Babyganics in addition to Grove's own sustainable lineup of products.
We love this option for traveling with your personal care items from Cadence. Meet Cadence, the first magnetic and refillable capsule made from recycled ocean-bound plastic that is designed to effortlessly move with you no matter where life takes you. Pack your vitamins in your purse or bring your favorite shampoo with you when you travel, Cadence is there for it all.
Botanical Origin is here for your laundry needs. The plant-based cleaning brand's formulas are sensitive, hypoallergenic and dermatologist-tested, that are free from dye and brighteners. Currently, the brand uses between 0-25 percent post consumer recycled plastic with a goal of 100 percent by 2022. You can currently shop two gorgeous fragrances for laundry detergent and softener, Fresh Jasmine & Wild Lavender and Orange Blossom & Citrus Leaves.
Wondercide is the leader in safe and effective pest protection for pets, families, and homes. All products are naturally derived, DEET free, have no harsh chemicals and are safe and effective. In addition, Wondercide is a Green America, gold-certified business for high standards in social and environmental impacts and all their products are made with biodegradable and recyclable packaging. Customers can shop tons of products that include flea and tick spray, skin and haircare for pets, mosquito repellants, indoor and outdoor pest control and more.
After struggling to find hair and beauty products to fit their needs, the Nayel family decided to create their own, and Bare + Bloom was born. Featuring natural ingredients, this eco-friendly skin and hair care line is handcrafted in small batches, and they've got something for every member of the family. New moms will love the nipple butter and the talc-free baby powder, dads will like the soothing shave butter, and kids will appreciate the overnight detangling hair cream. Prices are affordable, and they offer free shipping to 48 states.
Kizik gets that saving time is a top priority for parents and they've come out with two new shoe lines that both offer easy-on technology, Cairo and Madrid Eco Knit. Both are available in a variety of colors and allow the wearer to pop them on without bending down or breaking the heel. Best of all, both were designed using Kizik’s environmentally-friendly fabric made from 100% recycled plastic bottles and the 4-way stretch air mesh upper means it’s breathable so you don’t have to worry about sweaty feet.
Zazubean
Zazubean
Zazubean is a chocolate brand that stands for promoting an ethical and sustainable balance while striving to conserve biodiversity, foster the cycling of resources and making certain that their chocolate would never subject itself to any GMO's or non-organic modalities throughout the entire production process. The brand carries a collection of decadent, smooth, healthy chocolates with NO added sugar or 1/2 added sugar that are sure to hit your taste buds!
Bodhi Beverly Hills uses recycled cardboard for product cartons as well as glass containers for packaging to eliminate plastic waste. As a brand that is 100% Cruelty Free Vegan, Toxic and Made in the USA, the Natural Dream Beyond Peppermint Exfoliating Cleanser is the perfect wakeup to any morning routine. Bold and invigorating peppermint deeply cleanses the skin while using natural oils and extracts to gently exfoliate the face and body.
HOMMEFACE was created to give skincare solutions that are easy, simple, safe, but still effective. To reduce waste, their products come in “long-lasting volume” meaning their large bottle sizes enable the consumer to use the products without the need to frequently replenish them.
The Daily Skincare Trio Set is a 3-step skincare set for men that is made with no alcohol and only natural ingredients while providing healthy skin & a better shave experience. The set includes: Daily Face Wash, Herbal Spray Toner and Face Moisturizer. All products are vegan, natural, certified cruelty-free and include no parabens or SLS.
We love that Viviobarefoot is thinking about our planet. They just launched their shoe amnesty program which allows customers to return their footwear through reconditioning, re-commerce platform, ReVivo with the option to receive 20% off of a new pair of Vivobarefoot shoes or have a donation made on behalf to the LiveBarefoot Foundation, an in-house incubation that pioneers regeneration solutions for environmental and social problems.
Branch Basics
Getting rid of harmful chemicals and swapping for nontoxic cleaning alternatives just got easier. Branch Basics best-selling multi-purpose Concentrate makes cleaning simple with a nontoxic formula that is safe for families and can be mixed with water to make a variety of cleaners, including bathroom, all-purpose, hand soap and even laundry soap. Each product is human safe, plant and mineral-based, biodegradable, non-GMO, not tested on animals and free of harmful preservatives.
Style plus sustainability intersect with these bags from Handed By. Made of 70% recycled plastic, the bags aren't mass produced in factories, instead, the company collaborates with dedicated craftspeople to hand weave small-scale production runs and in doing so, forms long-term personal partnerships. We could totally see loading one of these up with your favorite snacks and taking it for a day at the beach.
Green Goo is all about using plants in their huge lineup of skincare, soaps, first aid, sanitizer, mama and baby and even animal care products. They are made with plant-based ingredients that are gentle, effective, cruelty-free, and sustainably sourced. All products are free from petrochemicals, parabens, phthalates and other dangerous additive. Because they are free from chemicals, many of their items can be used on multiple needs at once, which means less products crowding your medicine cabinets, and more non-toxic goodness.
A favorite when it comes to eco-friendly brands, Public Goods is your one-stop-shop for sustainable grocery, household, and personal care products. The marketplace's affordable and good for the planet products are eco-friendly and simply designed, in simple black and white. For an annual membership of $79, members get access to cruelty-free manufacturing, sustainable packaging, tons of vegetarian and vegan options, gluten free, no harmful chemicals, zero waste, biodegradable and compostable products.
Boob Design: A Nursing Collection You'll Wear Long After You're Done Feeding Baby
When you're a sleep-deprived new mom, 3 a.m. impulse buys of ill-fitting nursing clothes may seem like a good idea. But for styles that'll make you look and feel your best—and are kind to the environment—there's no better option than the nursing collection from Boob Design. They make garments with a purpose, meaning their designs are intentionally meant to be worn from bump to toddlerhood and beyond. All their styles are made of sustainable materials that are traceable from fiber to final garment and they only work with factories that respect their code of conduct. Plus, they're GOTS-certified (learn more about their sustainability code of ethics here). Bottom line: Boob Design knows what's best for the environment and for new moms. What more could you want? Online: boobdesign.com
Snapper Rock: Sustainable Swimwear Made from Recycled Products
In January of this year swimwear brand, Snapper Rock released Oceania, their first sustainable swimwear capsule collection made from recycled products. The reef-inspired collection features their signature UPF50+ technology and includes styles for parents and kids that range from bikinis to rash tops to board shorts, baby sets and more. According to Snapper Rock, “by selecting recycled materials, [they] can reduce the consumption of nonrenewable resources, such as oil and coal, reduce water and energy use, and help to clean up our beaches and oceans from discarded waste.” Sounds like a win-win to us. Online: snapperrock.com
Dyper: The Compostable Diaper
Dyper
In the past, if you wanted eco-friendly diapers, your only choice was cloth diapers...until now. Month-to-month subscription service, Dyper is giving parents another option for diapering with their chemical-free and totally compostable diapers. Durable, absorbent and free of all the chemicals, inks and phthalates you want nowhere near baby, Dyper’s goods are convenient (manage your deliveries using the website or mobile app) and affordable ($68/month). Running out of diapers? Rely on Dyper’s service that sends extra diapers within 4-24 hours. Plus, with each order of their compostable diapers, the company purchases carbon offsets on behalf of the customer.
Dyper has partnered with TerraCycle on ReDyper, a composting program where subscribers can opt-in and receive bags and a specially-designed box to send diapers out for compost. Subscribers can download a prepaid shipping label and all waste composted will be used in projects such as vegetation in highway medians.
Finnish-based brand Reima is no stranger to kids activewear. Expect bright, bold prints, non-toxic waterproof finishes and materials that include recycled polyester and biodegradable, mulesing-free wool. Their current winter collection includes fan favorites like the Silda Reflective Jacket that’s designed with reflective prints to keep your kiddo safe, Kinsei, a quick drying wool base layer that allows for less micro plastic shedding in washes, and the Nalle, a winter suit for baby designed using plastic bottles. Keep an eye out for Reima’s upcoming seasonal collections, which we’re guessing will be just as impressive as this winter’s one. Online: us.reima.com/
Apple Park: Whimsical Toys & Clothes for Baby & Kids
Apple Park
After having her firstborn 10 years ago, mom Angie Ting discovered that eco-friendly, organic and hypoallergenic toys and clothes for baby just weren’t widely available. Her disappointment led to the inception of Apple Park, which today is known for colorful and whimsical toys, clothes and accessories. Their newest Organic Farm Buddies collection, launching March 2020, starts at $11 with nothing over $37. Expect fun hippos, flamingos, zebras and more, all made with organic fibers and sustainable ingredients. Online: applepark.com
Luxury doesn’t equate to cruelty. At least that’s the way Rivers Eight sees things. Their luxe handbags and travel accessories are faux skin, and to the naked eye may get PETA riled up. But, rest assured the entire hand-crafted collection is cruelty-free and made right in L.A. A current fan favorite is this 3-in-1 bag, which is a fold-over belt bag, cross-body bag and clutch all in one. So go ahead and celebrate the animal kingdom with Rivers Eight, all without negatively impacting their population. Online: riverseight.com
Rothy’s: Put Your Best Foot Forward with These Kid Sneakers
Rothy’s has a cult following amongst women so it’s only natural that they’re just as popular with the pint-sized set. Check out their girls’ loafer line and their slip-on shoe that every kid can wear. The latter—tested out by active, busy kids—are washable and offered in 10 different colors and prints inspired by the bright colors of the 1970s. Both shoes feature a stretchy knit made out of recycled water bottles and are machine washable. Online: rothys.com.
There is one thing a family can never have too many of: bags! From totes to kid backpacks to duffles and adult-sized backpacks, Parkland is your go-to spot for functional bags with a punch of attitude and style. The exterior fabric of all bags is made from recycled water bottles (check out this cool video explaining the process here) and their mission is all about inspiring others to make sustainable choices. Now, that’s a brand (and mission!) we can get behind. Check out all of Parkland’s products, including their brand-new spring line, at parklandmfg.com.
It may be hard to grasp life without plastic, but we have an easy step to take to help get you closer to that goal. Choose Bee’s Wrap, an alternative to plastic bags, tupperware and saran wrap. Made of organic cotton, sustainably harvested beeswax, jojoba oil and tree resin, use them to wrap around veggies, cheese, fruit, snacks, sandwiches or really, any food products. They’re lightweight and reusable (clean by washing with cool water and light soap) for about a year. After you’re done, compost or use as a fire starter for your next camping trip. Multiple options available at beeswrap.com.
Kinder Birch: GOTS-Certified Organic Cotton Onesies
Kinder Birch, a new clothing company that debuted just this year, is disrupting the organic baby clothing space. Their styles are all GOTS certified Organic cotton and all printed with low impact dye. The patterns are whimsical, fun and playful, with the actual fabric thick enough to withstand rough and tumble play, while being oh-so-soft for baby's skin. Toddler PJs and more styles coming soon. Available at kinderbirch.com.
CrayonBlocks: 100% Biodegradable Beeswax Crayons (Created by a Dad!)
If Junior is into art, but you’re worried about what type of unsafe materials he’s coming into contact with, you’re not alone. The dad creator beyond CrayonBlock felt the exact same way when his son licked a crayon and realized his child was tasting paraffin. Thus, the idea of CrayonBlocks was born. This dad-created line of crayons is 100% biodegradable, paraffin- and chemical-free, certified organic beeswax with food grade colors that conform to the strictest of standards. Not only that, but the crayons also feature 8 edges and 8 corners making them easy to grip and draw. Available at crayonblocks.com for $13.99.
Recover Brands: Tees Made of Recycled Water Bottles
Every day—not just Earth Day—is a teachable moment to show your kids how to really care for Mother Earth. Remind her of this daily with a “Protect Our Parks” tee from Recover Brands. This brand makes their goods from recycled water bottles (check out the process here). Bonus: their apparel also comes in adult sizes, too! Available at recoverbrands.com for $18.
There are so many awesome companies that make going plastic-free easy and Stasher is one of our favorite eco-friendly brands. Their goods are all 100% pure platinum food-grade silicone that are easy to clean, reusable and non-toxic. We think Stasher bags stand out because you can not only store snacks for easy access (the bags are super easy to open and close for little hands), but you can also microwave, place in the oven, store in the freezer, boil on the stove and wash in the dishwasher. Versatile and functionality at its best. Available online at stasherbag.com.
Aldea Home + Baby: Eco-Friendly Furniture with a Conscious
Fans of modern, eco-friendly brands should check out the kid's collection and baby registry from San Francisco’s famed home goods store Aldea Home + Baby. The store prides itself on carrying only items from sustainable artisans and socially conscious design companies, so you can feel good about purchasing items that look this great. Not in the Bay Area? You can still get in on the goodness by shopping online at aldeahome.com.
Sustainable LEGO Bricks: Your Favorites Made Better
The LEGOs you know and love are in for some big changes. In an effort to create zero waste, the company is producing LEGO bricks made from plant-based materials, but you likely won’t notice at all. LEGO just announced in early 2018 that it has started production on sustainable blocks made with materials sourced from sugarcane. The plant-based polyethylene is softer but still durable. Despite these new changes, LEGO promises that builders won’t notice a difference in the look or feel of the bricks. Learn more here.
—Erin Lem, Shahrzad Warkentin, Eva Cerise and Karly Wood
I had been divorced for a couple of years when my former husband called with a surprise. Thankfully, it wasn’t the type of surprise he delivered the night he sat me at the table and told me he had been unfaithful for more than a decade and was leaving me for someone he met in Las Vegas.
No, this surprise had to do with our 12-year-old son. He said he was taking him to China for a vacation. I got that feeling you get when you walk in on a conversation, and everyone is laughing and looking at you like you know what they’re talking about.
China?
How had this come about? I searched my memory for some mention of anything remotely Chinese on my son’s wish list. Had the two of them been to see the First Emperor’s Terracotta Warriors on display at the Field Museum? Or taken a school field trip to Chinatown that I didn’t know about?
The only connection I could come up with was my son’s collection of Pokemon cards, but those are Japanese.
“Um… that would be cool, I guess,” I said, still processing the random nature of his declaration. By the time I gathered my thoughts enough to pose some questions and concerns, he announced that he had bought tickets to travel during a school week and over days that were technically mine on the parenting schedule.
“I can’t change it,” he said. “If I do, I’ll have to pay $1,000 and I know you don’t want that.”
What I didn’t want was to be told what to think or how to feel. An immediate, familiar pressure gripped my chest as I recalled all the activities and decisions that had already occurred behind my back. That he would plan something so extravagant for our son without discussing it with me felt too unfair. I was already struggling with the realities of co-parenting our three children, still getting used to the myriad ways a divorced mom must learn to let go as she is eased out of her job.
After college, I worked as a secretary in London for a few months and learned that, rather than firing people, workers are “made redundant.” It means the same thing but sounds so much nicer. I’ve been made redundant as a mother—no longer needed or useful in all the ways I once was.
This shows up in small ways:
Tell me about your science project. “I don’t want to talk about it. I told dad all about it.”
Want to see the new Marvel movie? “Sorry, mom, we saw it with dad.”
Guess what? I got pizza for dinner! (A chorus of groans.) “We had pizza two nights in a row with dad!”
And in big ways, like feeling helpless and broken during that stretch when my daughter called, in tears, begging to come home every time she was at her dad’s. Or having no words of comfort when my boys expressed their anger about their dad’s girlfriend moving in.
All of those impotent moments were triggered again by the thought of my son flying halfway around the world without me. I imagined him sleep-deprived and anxious from the long flight, wandering lost in a crowded street market, even starving, thanks to his finicky diet.
Overprotective? Maybe. But once your trust in someone is so completely shattered, how do you patch enough of it together to cover some areas and not others? I believe my kids’ dad is, as a parent, loving and devoted. But I believed that about him as a husband, too, and I was wrong.
I don’t blame myself for being guarded. I believe that any mother who has ever experienced betrayal would likely volunteer to go through it again rather than see her kids suffer a similar disappointment. At the same time, I have to be careful not to color my kids’ experiences with my disappointments. For me, this meant smiling while I packed a suitcase and waved bon voyage to my baby. It also meant feeling genuine happiness when my baby returned unscathed, unperturbed and a little more worldly.
Yes, I have learned some wonderful lessons on this road back from betrayal.
Here are the big ones.
Respond rather than react.
One of the best decisions I made early in the divorce process was to treat negotiations as business agreements and relegate them to emails rather than phone calls. That way, I can take my time and formulate a clear-headed answer on my timeline. Reacting equals losing power. Responding equals reclaiming power.
Have your facts straight.
In the case of the China trip, I assumed that my son couldn’t be taken out of the country without my permission. But when I checked our parenting agreement, I saw that my former husband only needed written permission from me for the first 24 months following the divorce. Wow. That shocked me, but there it was, in black and white.
Gathering the facts gave me time to gather my thoughts enough to get clear about my objections and whether they were ones I had a right to make. As galling as it is to have to follow rules with a rule-breaker who broke your heart, do it anyway.
Come from a “well-fed” place.
This is the juicy center, the meat inside the sandwich. Everything revolves around my ability to get quiet, tune in and take responsibility for my inner world. What are my motivations? Is this about me or my kids? Am I fighting for the sake of fighting? Am I settling an old score? Am I bored, lonely or craving drama? I need to look at whether I’m feeding myself what I need rather than entering into a “hungry” exchange with my former husband.
Of course, life, in its perfection, always provides us with opportunities to practice these skills. I had another chance when our daughter turned 13 and her dad decided it was her turn for an extravagant trip—to Thailand. This time I was prepared.
Tammy Letherer is an author, writing coach and blogger. She holds a degree in Journalism from Indiana University and has enjoyed a long, varied professional writing career. She is the author of a memoir, The Buddha at My Table (release date October 2018) and a novel, Hello Loved Ones. She lives in Chicago with her children.
When you think about it, parents have it easy these days…hear us out. Unlike our parents back in the day, today, we can pretty much get anything we need delivered straight to our homes. Just about everyone is delivering foods and products. But since parents and families have pretty specific needs, these local Seattle delivery services are helping parents out in a big way. You can sign up for weekly diaper services, monthly toy deliveries, healthy meals, party goods and even medical care. Check out these eleven Seattle delivery services offering unique products straight to your door.
Beet World
Beet World
Hailing from Kirkland, Beet World’s founder, Ashima Singhal says that she was inspired by her own children to create “chic childrenswear with elements of design and comfort that both parents and children value.” Often inspired by things in nature, Beet World offers timeless styles with modern twists. From baby bloomers to big boy seersucker collared shirts, all of Beet World’s clothes are made with nature fibers that are easily washable. Bundle some of the more popular looks and save some cash. All shipments are packed in recyclable packaging too. New clothes to your door. It's a total win.
If you prefer to go with cloth diapers, Baby Diaper Service, a local Seattle delivery service, is the way to go. Having been in business for over 75 years, these guys know what they are doing and won’t be going away any time soon. They deliver all over the Puget Sound area and are committed to providing excellent service with 100% natural cloth diapers at a (gasp) affordable price. The cleaning process is pH-balanced to baby’s skin and tested to hospital standards. It’s not rocket science either. They simple deliver clean, fresh-smelling diapers and pick up your soiled ones. They even offer training pants for toddlers.
We’ve all seen old TV shows where the local doctor would make house calls but many of us didn’t actually grow up with that service. However, as a new parent, you can. DispatchHealth takes every injury or illness seriously providing same-day healthcare right to your home. They can provided pediatric urgent care as well as common conditions and ailments of children. And yes, they care for adults too. For every visit, the healthcare company will send two medical professionals to your home including a physician assistant or nurse practitioner along with a DispatchHealth Medical Technician. In addition, an ER physician is also available at all times via the phone.
Alison Scott, a Seattle-based pediatrician, created Baby Doc Box for parents’ and baby’s first year. Delivered every other month, the box contains essential items for your new adventure together. For instance, the first box, geared for babies 0-2 months old contains an Omni Swaddle, a “Welcome Baby” book, pacifier, supplements, healing balms, thermometer and more. You can begin at any stage and purchase by the box or by subscription. In addition to physical items, each delivery is also packed with inspiration, tools and judgement-free coaching to help reduce the uncertainty about parenting. Hint: a subscription also makes a great gift for expecting parents.
Sensa Play is Seattle’s original children's weekly sensory kit rental company. And if you've got a soon-to-be-sibling at home, we can't recommend it enough. Each kit is designed to keep your little ones busy with four different educational play times, each focused around one theme. The books, games, toys, and activities that come with each one are super engaging, giving you and baby the space you need while sib plays nearby. Each shipment’s charge includes delivery, one-week rental and pickup.
Kinfood works from the outside in—finding small, organic farms located outside of Seattle and delivering a selection of vegetables and even heirloom varietals to neighborhoods inside of Seattle. Each Friday, a “Farm Box” (an insulated, reusable bag which is sanitized after each use) is delivered to your home, packed with seasonal vegetables and fruits along with a recipe or two. You can even add on items like fresh-made breads, pasta, coffee and pastured eggs. If you find that veggies are piling up or will be out of town, you can skip a week too. It's an easy way to save yourself a trip to the store or farmer's market.
If you live with 20 miles of Pike Place Market, you can now get the market experience without leaving your home. Working with Mercato, items from fish to produce can be delivered to your doorstep. You can now make home purchases from businesses like Chukar Cherries, Honest Biscuits, Le Panier, MarketSpice, Pasta Casalinga, Pike Place Chowder, Pike Place Fish, Maíz, Sosio’s Produce, The Confectional, Truffle Queen and Uli’s Famous Sausage.
Parenting is hard. You deserve a treat. While your little ones will be happy with day old graham crackers, we have a lead on where you can get the good stuff without ever having to leave your home. Believe it or not, Treat has a cookie club subscription service based in Burien where “deliciousness” is delivered the first Monday of each month. You can choose to receive a half-dozen or full dozen cookies each month. (Who are we kidding? We know you’ll order the full dozen.) The mix includes four seasonal flavors and two classic flavors. Pricing includes 2-day priority shipping.
Gather’d Market offers a different kind of grocery delivery service. Here you’ll order foods directly from recipes posted on their site. Just pick the recipe that looks good to you and order the items you don’t already have stocked up in your home. Then, add the needs for the week like milk and eggs to your list as well. Order by 8 p.m. and you’ll get the goods by the next day. You can shop at any time and pay a $6 delivery fee for all orders over $25 or become a member (for just $10) to get free shipping on all orders over $25. No commitment–you can cancel at any time. Gathr’d currently delivers in Kirkland but will be expanding to Bellevue, Redmond and Woodinville this year.
Your baby is turning one, but where will you find the time to plan a party? Easy. Just order a party-in-a box from Prime Party. Located in Monroe, this place offers great party supplies with themes that work equally well for boys and girls. Max and Ruby are a pair of sibling bunnies who love to party. The deluxe party pack includes dinner plates, dessert plates, cups, luncheon napkins, beverage napkins, a tablecloth, flag banner and even favor boxes for eight. Other items available include large cardboard cutouts, table decorations, games and more. Our favorite current themes? Llama Llama, Rainbow Unicorn and Bob Ross and Friends.
What parent wouldn’t appreciate a nice, relaxing massage? Now you can get one delivered! Dream Clinic’s Mobile Massage makes relaxation easy in Seattle. The same therapists who work in their clinics are now hitting the road to offer in-home massages helping to relieve back pain, neck pain, muscle soreness and stress relief. Request an appointment today, get notified of your appointment tomorrow. Make it a regular thing by signing up for a monthly plan.
