Internet Rallies to Defend New Mom Who Breastfed at Her Brother’s Wedding Reception

by Julie ScagellJuly 6, 2022

The story of a brother who ranted about his sister breastfeeding at his wedding reception has gone viral because (gestures wildly in the air). The situation unfolded after it was published to Reddit’s popular r/AmITheA**hole section, and people understandably had a lot to say about the matter.

A man under the username u/swimming-exchange448 asked readers whether he’s an absolute jerk for telling his sister, a new mom, that it was “bad etiquette and tacky” for her to breastfeed in public at his wedding. The resounding answer is yes, yes he is.

He explained that he asked her to “just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding.” “This” apparently refers to naturally feeding her baby. “She then said she can’t do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk,” he continued. “I told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this.”

He continued to dig a hole for himself, noting: “I… asked her why she didn’t bring formula or at least pump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn’t have to do all this at that moment. She said ‘because I don’t have to. I feel comfortable breastfeeding. Getting milk out on my own is more painful.'”

People jumped in, eager to comment on the audacity of his request:

“….I would figure that having your parents and wife tell you would have been enough, but some people need more evidence. Since you personally do not have breasts, you have no clue how painful or difficult pumping might be, so you’re a jerk for suggesting it,” u/big_bob_c explained.

“YTA. Your sister deserves a hug and a thank you for making the effort to attend a wedding with a 2-month-old,” another said.

“I can’t be the only one who is dying at his ‘But she breastfeeds everywhere and ALL THE TIME!!” comments. In other words, 34-year-old man exposes himself as not only ignorant of how breastfeeding and breast milk supply work, but also unaware that newborns do indeed require regular feeding,” another chimed in.

“I don’t understand how he’s old enough to go through a mid-life crisis but has yet to figure out the main function of breasts,” a commenter posted. “It’s almost like they don’t just exist for viewing pleasure (insert shocked gasp here).”

Here’s hoping the groom learned a swift lesson through this experience.

It’s Alive! Gross (But Cool) Science Experiments for Kids

by Melissa HeckscherMarch 10, 2022

Does your kiddo like things on the yucky side? Take advantage of the gross factor and make your at-home science lessons a little extra icky with the following science experiments for kids. Whether it’s making goo, growing mold or learning about germs, these fun and simple science experiments will have your little lab rat saying, “Ewww!” Click through the slideshow to get the goop.

Make a Non-Newtonian Fluid

Is it a solid or a liquid? Your little chemists will love playing around with this delightfully yucky ooze, which is a perfect example of a "non-Newtonian fluid" (a substance with both solid and liquid properties). Head over to Scientific American.

Let Germs Grow

Ready to show instead of tell how germs really lurk? Try this easy germ-growing experiment, which will help kids understand how even the cleanest-looking surfaces (and hands) can be filled with germs. Get the fun and yucky instructions at Kidsactivitiesblog.com.

Spread Some Germs

If growing germs didn't convince them, here's another way to teach your kids the importance of hand washing. This super-quick experiment shows how soap repels germs. All you need is a bowl of water, some pepper and a little dish soap to make the magic happen. Head over to Youtube to see the experiment in action.

Make Poop on Your Counter

It doesn't get much grosser than this. Give your kids a visual lesson on how food travels from mouth-to-tush with this icky experiment that will have even the bravest of grossologists grossed out. Of course, they'll love every minute. Get the instructions at hubpages.com.

Have a Gooey Peep War

This one is a little more gooey than gross, but we think it makes for great afternoon science. Grab some ghost peeps to get in the spirit of the season or use those leftover birds and bunnies you never actually tossed. Arm your Peeps with toothpicks, then pop them in the microwave to see who wins the joust. If your kids don't know what happens when marshmallows get microwaved, have them write their hypotheses beforehand (and/or bet on the winner!) Need inspiration? Watch a full-blown Peep jousting tournament here.

Go Viral

See how icky stuff like bacteria and virus travel in this easy experiment that uses glitter on little hands. Your kids will (hopefully) be washing their hands eagerly by the time they're done. Warning: you may find glitter hiding in places around the house after this one, so if it's nice out do this one in the outdoors. Find out more here.

In Praise of Spit

C'mon, spit's got a bad rap. Do your kids know they wouldn't be able to taste things without saliva to dissolve food particles? Learn the importance of spit (and enjoy a snack) in this taste-testing experiment, courtesy of Kidshealth.org.

Play a Smelly Game of Sniff-and-Seek

What smells? Our noses do! Teach kids the importance smell with this activity that asks them to use only their noses to identify objects. Can they sniff out the fish oil over the garlic cloves? The lemon juice over the orange oil? Homeschooling blogger Ana has the instructions at Babble Dabble Do.

—Melissa Heckscher

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10 Things Kids Should Know about Money by the Time They’re 10

by Teresa DouglasFebruary 22, 2022

Teaching young children how to handle their finances pays huge dividends (pun 100% intended) both now and in the future. Not sure how to craft age-appropriate lessons for your squad? We interviewed four financial professionals and came up with a list of 10 money skills that deliver the biggest bang for your buck. Read on for all the details.

1. Use Everyday Moments to Talk about Money

"It's important to have regular conversations about money management while your child is still young to push them towards positive financial outcomes in early adulthood," advises Jennifer Seitz, Educational Content Lead at Greenlight and Certified Financial Education Instructor (CFEI).

Make it make 'cents': Seitz suggests parents "Look for practical daily examples of spending and budgeting and share them with your child; for example, when you take your child grocery shopping, you can pull out your card for the cashier and then ask your child, "Do you know what type of card this is? Is it a credit card or a debit card?"

This creates a learning opportunity to explain how debit cards take money directly from your bank account, while credit cards have a balance that must be paid each month. It's not free money or magic money—help your child understand how it works!"

2. Talk about Wants vs. Needs

mom daughter computer online school virtual elearning — Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels

We need air, food, water, shelter and clothing. While your crew might beg to differ, we don't need toy cars or princess crowns. Needs are the things we buy before we buy the things we want.

Make it make 'cents': Together with the kiddo, grab a bunch of old magazines and coupon mailers, cut out different pictures, and glue them on a sheet of paper so that you have a collage of wants and a collage of needs.

3. Pay Kids for Unusual Tasks

How nice would it be to get paid for making your bed, folding clothes or cutting your grass? Alas, it's not the case, so why do we lead kids on with chore-driven allowance? Consider giving them cash for extra work that they don't usually do (i.e., helping cook dinner or washing the family pet).

Make it make 'cents': Charge your mini-money makers with organizing a bake sale to earn extra money. They'll have a blast setting up shop and get a taste of what it's like to have a job.

4. Demonstrate the Wonder of Compound Interest

Tom Byrum, Sr. Director, Head of Global Sales Compensation at a Fortune 500 company, uses a hands-on approach to get his child excited about saving money. "I'm paying my 10-year-old daughter an exorbitant monthly interest rate on her savings to illustrate the time value of money. She had fun calculating how much her $37 would grow at 10 percent interest per day for 30 days (no, that's not what I'm paying). She kept guessing how much she thought it would be and passed her guess two cycles later."

Make it make 'cents': Even the smallest fry can learn this lesson if you make it visual. Arm yourself with a roll of pennies and a Mason jar so your preschooler can see how quickly the change builds up.

5. Explain the Different Types of Money

There are coins, paper bills, paper checks, debit and credit cards–and you use them all at different times for purchases. The idea of monetary variety is a hard one to grasp for the under 10 set, especially when you can buy things with "invisible money" (aka credit cards). And let's not even get started on the difference between a checking and a savings account.

Rod Griffin, Senior Director of Public Education and Advocacy at Experian, advises parents to "...help their children develop good financial habits by teaching them the difference between a checking and savings account and how banks store funds. Take a trip to the bank as a teaching experience and deposit or cash a check."

Make it make 'cents': Make "invisible" money visible. Set one person up as the bank and have your kid "pay" for items around the house with a debit card. The bank person should then take the money out of the bank and give it to you.

6. Talk about Credit Cards

"Without the proper knowledge of best practices, credit cards can lead to a lot of trouble for adults, both young and old," says Griffin. "Parents should teach children what credit cards are and how to use them wisely. Going through a credit card statement can go a long way in helping children understand the cause and effect of using credit cards, the importance of making on-time payments and how it can impact their credit score."

Make it make 'cents': Role play the difference between making a purchase with good credit vs. bad credit. Kids with good credit can buy a popsicle for $2, while those with low scores get charged $6. If you have more than one child, we suggest giving everyone the same credit score, so you don't start a mutiny.

7. Teach Kids to Budget and Plan for Their Needs

Ashraf Jaffer, Adjunct Accounting Professor at the University of North Carolina, has been doing this since her son was five years old. "He has a budget from birthday and holiday money. When he was younger, we would give him the prices of things he wanted. He would come up with a combination of things that would fit within his budget (which is a great way to incorporate math lessons). Now that he is older, we ask him to research prices and come up with a proposal and justification. The final decision is with us, but he feels he is more in control and participates in the decision process."

Make it make 'cents': Print out a calendar and pencil in planned family trips, holidays and special occasions. Ask your child to set aside spending money for each event before budgeting for immediate wants.

8. Don't Fudge the Budget

"Stick to the budget and do not exceed it even if your kid's argument for spending more is great," advises Jaffer. "They will learn to prioritize spending needs and patience if you don't give in and increase the budget."

We know, we know—easier said than done. But the sooner kids understand that they can't buy things if they don't have enough money, the better.

Make it make 'cents': Create and label four money jars: "spend," "save," "share," and "invest." It's up to your kiddo to decide where the money goes. Another fun way to practice budgeting? Play Monopoly!

9. Model Charitable Giving

Kids have great examples of $$$-stingy characters—think Scrooge, who no matter how much money he has, hoards it all to himself. Giving (even the smallest amount) to those who have less is a fundamental money lesson that naturally empathetic kids can enjoy.

Make it make 'cents': Together, research and choose one charity to donate money to each month.

10. Reinforce Positive Money Choices

A teacher high fives a student in class — iStock

“Talk about their successes and reward them,” says Seitz. “Did they decide against buying something they didn’t really need? Smart move! Explain that now they can use the money for something else, which is that core money principal: opportunity cost. Did they choose to save their birthday money for an important big-ticket item? Tell them how proud you are! And why learning to save is so important as they grow up and become financially independent.”

Make it make 'cents': Be as specific as possible in your praise to really solidify the lesson. The more your little one feels warm and fuzzy about their financially responsible decisions, the better.

—Teresa Douglas & Ayren Jackson

Featured image: iStock

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Best Tips on Finding the Perfect Childcare

By Sara Mauskopf

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

January 4, 2022

I was talking to a mom the other day—let’s call her Beth—who shared with me a daycare horror story. Beth put her daughter in a daycare near her home that looked quaint. As a new mom, she didn’t know any other parents who had sent their children there but she was in a crunch to find childcare before she returned to work and this place was affordable, convenient, and had an opening. Within a few weeks of her daughter starting at the daycare she saw some red flags—one day she picked her child up with a dirty diaper, other days her child seemed excessively hungry, and sometimes the childcare provider was not forthcoming with details about her daughter’s day.

Ultimately she decided to take a costly leave of absence from work and figure out a better childcare situation. She later found out that there had been complaints filed against the daycare and their license was in the process of being suspended. She felt fortunate she intervened when she did and had the means to take a leave from work. She asked me how parents prevent these situations from happening in the first place.

Finding high-quality childcare is top of mind for working parents and it’s not easy to figure out how to navigate the process, especially as a new parent. But you don’t have to leave the situation up to chance and prayer.

Here are five things you can do as a parent to empower yourself and ensure you’re placing your child in a safe and loving environment.

Get parental approval

If you don’t know parents first-hand that have sent their children to a daycare provider, then ask the provider for references and call them. The more information on a facility or individual, the more comfortable you will feel leaving your children in their care. My company, Winnie, recently compiled a free database of every daycare and preschool, starting with San Francisco where you can get information about the provider, reviews from parents and other critical safety info like the adult to child ratio. We did this because we want to equip parents with the information they need to ensure their child’s well-being and make life easier for working moms & dads.

Check the licensing database

Did you know that there’s a licensing database when you can find information about all licensed daycares and preschools in the United States? If it’s a daycare, even an in-home provider, look at the licensing database. All licensed daycares and preschools are inspected regularly and these inspections are public information. You can also see if any complaints have been filed against the school and even subscribe to updates in case their licensing status changes.

Visit and ask questions

Ask to visit the provider, ideally while children are present. This will give you a feel for their st‌yle and if it jibes with yours. Ask questions to understand how the provider communicates with parents, what the physical environment is like (e.g. is it childproofed? Is it clean?) and what children do as a day-to-day routine.

Check their safety procedures

One thing that’s very predictable about children is that they are unpredictable. Accidents and emergencies happen so you want to ensure your provider is trained and prepared for the worst. Check the basics like training in first aid and CPR but also understand their policies around illness, evacuation procedures, and vaccines. Finally, you’ll want to really understand their philosophy around discipline. The most important thing for a childcare provider is that they have lots of patience and never resort to harsh language or violence with your child.

Trust your gut

Even if everything looks great on paper and checks out, you have to trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right to you, you need to act like Beth did and pull your child out of the daycare until you sort the situation out. Beth didn’t have a lot of information to go on at the time, but she acted swiftly and prevented the situation from getting worse.

Sara Mauskopf

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Short mom to tall kids. CEO and co-founder of Winnie, a leading marketplace for daycare and preschool helping millions of parents across the United States. Still getting the gist of this whole parenting thing.

How & Why I’m Raising Environmentally Conscious Kids

by Frederica JanszSeptember 30, 2021

photo: Zero Waste Family

I became passionate about zero waste when I first became a mom because it made me realize that this is her planet and her future on the line and that I need to fight to make sure my kids can grow up with a healthy planet. When we decided that we would become zero waste, in addition to being good role models for our kids, it also meant that we would spend less money and time on buying things and allow us to work less so we can both spend more time with our kids—a benefit for all of us.

Teaching my kids about the value of the environment and the importance of preserving the world around them is an ongoing task. I’m raising three eco-minded kids: Isabella, 14; Noah, 10; and Liam, 8. My goal is always to make our day-to-day routines ones that also teach them to care for the environment. Here is how I do it:

Gardening
Gardening and kids are a natural mix involving dirt, digging and water—children’s favorites. Our garden is also a great classroom where my kids learn science, biology and even math. We grow lots of vegetables and fruit. My children have learned how to plant a seed, which then sprouts, becoming a seedling that we then plant in our garden bed. They have learned that, for the plant to grow, it needs water, compost and sun. They also have learned how to provide these basics. Our children also understand how plants eat carbon, and that plants also clean the air. They have learned how our bunny and chicken poop helps our garden. They have learned the important role of plants, bushes and trees on our planet, and how we simply can’t cut down all trees and remove green patches without replacing them in order to conserve our planet.

Composting
I believe it is important that we teach children to protect and restore the environment. Educating kids about composting is surely a great way to start. Composting truly is one of Mother Nature’s most miraculous processes. Using only natural means to implement what usually is garbage, we’re able to turn “waste” into one of the most beautiful and productive growing mediums. Composting also teaches children how to reduce waste and keep it from going to a landfill. My kids now know that food waste in a landfill becomes methane gas, a potent greenhouse gas, whereas food waste in compost becomes powerful nutrients for our garden. A huge garden—or any garden at all—isn’t necessary to have compost. As a matter of fact, composting can be done in an apartment.

Recycling
Sorting through recycling is a surprisingly fun activity for my kids; whether on a hiking trail or on the beach, they will pick up litter to recycle. It’s also a good task to perform with kids so they learn what can and cannot go into a recycling bin. Recycling, just like composting, is a way to teach children how we can keep our waste from ending up in a landfill and how this can help save the planet. My kids even take it to the next level and will look in the recycle bins for materials for arts and crafts.

Spending Time in Nature
There’s no better way to connect with nature and help children appreciate our planet than getting outdoors. It’s so great to see how almost anything—ants, worms, wildlife, mushrooms, flowers, funny looking trees, puddles and ice—can catch their attention forever. (I have an array of stones, twigs, leaves and other items from nature that were just so special and had to be saved.) Nature is a wonderful classroom where we can teach our children the importance of taking care of all the trees and water since they are homes for all the world’s wonderful treasures. My children also like to write in their nature journals about what they see, feel and experience when out and about, which gives them time to reflect and preserve memories. If your children enjoy spending time outdoors, they’ll more likely do everything they can to protect these green spaces and ensure they exist in the future.

Volunteering
My family love volunteering together, so we clean beaches with Surfrider, collect food waste from our local farmers markets to give to families in need with Produce Goods. And we cook dinner at the Ronald McDonald House. All these activities help my kids give back. They are learning how they can help strengthen our community, keep the beaches clean that provide so much fun, keep food waste out of landfills, and help those in need.

Being a Good Role Model
I know my kids watch us parents to see how we behave and react, so it’s important that we are good role models. To this end, we show our kids how to be Earth-friendly by being Earth-friendly ourselves. Seeing our behavior will reinforce the importance of respecting our planet more than any verbal lesson.

Never in history has it been more important to encourage children to be green, to raise ecologically conscious children. I firmly believe I’m raising the next leaders for new innovations to care for our planet and make it livable for future generations.

—Fredrika Syren, Zero Waste Family

Unpacking Back-to-School Feelings

By Elanna Yalow

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

August 14, 2021

Photo: KinderCare Learning Centers

The back-to-school season is on the horizon for families around the country. With that comes a backpack full of emotions for children and parents. Some of these feelings may be expected, while others may be unexpected or surprising in their intensity.

While adults may know how to identify their emotions and express them appropriately, children are still learning these skills. Often, children’s emotions come out in their behaviors. A child who is excited may have trouble sitting still or focusing on the task at hand, while a child who is anxious may throw things or yell at their siblings.

No matter how you and your children feel about the start of a new school year, remember that all feelings are valid, both yours and your children’s. It’s completely understandable (and normal) to experience conflicting emotions about the same aspect of returning to school. You can be both nervous and excited at the thought of your child walking through those school doors and settling down into a classroom with their peers, and so can your child.

As we head into a new school year, here are tips for how you and your children can navigate some of the big emotions you both might feel.

Encourage Excitement

Talk with your child about the things that they are looking forward to when the school year starts, while also encouraging them to share the things that make them sad or concerned. Once you understand how they are feeling, look for or create an opportunity for your child to do more of what they’re enthusiastic about. For example, if your child is eager to be around other children, you could arrange extra opportunities for them to be around friends or look into school clubs or activities your child could join so they have even more opportunities to spend time with their friends or to make new friends. While focusing on the positive, remember to dismiss or minimize concerns or simply tell your child that it will all just be okay.

Address Anxiety & Fear

It’s perfectly normal to be anxious about new experiences and new people. No matter what your child is anxious or fearful about, talk about it with them. The first step to addressing an emotion, especially the tough ones, is to identify and validate it. Then you and your child can work together to find appropriate ways to address those fears. If your child is worried about reconnecting with or making new friends, you might try role playing to help your child practice or use puppets (socks on the hands might do) to act out meeting someone for the first time.

Be sure to address your own concerns too. If you’re worried about keeping your child and family safe and healthy, learn about the school’s health and safety plan and talk through the safety protocols with your child so that they are comfortable with them, including practicing some “what if” scenarios. Be sure to seek support from your child’s school too. School counselors often have access to a variety of child-focused support tools and community networks.

Embrace Relief

Returning to any semblance of normalcy may have you and your children jumping for joy. Going back to school is a sign of the world opening up again, of being able to do more of the things you like to do. Embrace that sense of relief and don’t second guess yourself or make a list of caveats.

Acknowledge Grief

In change there is often loss. Many families had to deal with challenging experiences during over the past 18 months. Despite how difficult this time may have been, there were probably also some bright spots for your family such as spending more time together and the opportunity to be more engaged in your child’s life. The thought of going back to “the way things were” may leave you or your child feeling sad about what might be left behind. Take a moment to acknowledge that loss. You can also brainstorm, together, how you might keep some of the things you liked about this past year in your lives, whether that’s a nightly family walk, a weekly game night or a special weekend meal you prepare together.

No matter how you and your child feel, embrace it. The back to school season is a time of new beginnings and your family is in it together. Try to appreciate all of the emotional ups and downs together and celebrate their emotional growth as well as your own. Establishing a habit of checking in on your child’s emotional wellbeing now reassures your child that you’ll be there to support them no matter what this new school year brings.

Elanna Yalow

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Dr. Elanna Yalow is Chief Academic Officer of KinderCare, the nation’s leading provider of high-quality early childhood education, supporting the development of KinderCare’s educational programs, educator professional development, quality and accreditation initiatives, research and evaluation, inclusion services, and public policy. She is married and the mother of two sons.

New Survey Reveals What It’s Really Like Trying to Conceive

by Erica LoopApril 7, 2021

A recent survey of more than 1,000 Americans found that 40 percent of hopefully soon-to-be parents believe more resources or support would have helped them in their fertility struggles.

The survey, which was collected by OnePoll for Clearblue’s #Conceivinghood campaign, also found that 15 percent of TTC parents say their journey to a baby, “has been a struggle.” Of the parents polled, 32 percent also believe the struggle to conceive is too awkward to talk about—with 10 percent admitting they hadn’t told anyone about their fertility issues.

photo: Nappy via Pexels

OnePoll and Clearblue ranked the top 10 list of “What’s it like trying to conceive?” The answers were:

“Exciting” – 41%
“Fun” – 41%
“Sexy” – 37%
“Stressful” – 25%
“Impersonal” – 20%
“Boring” – 18%
“Repetitive” – 17%
“Frustrating” – 17%
“Upsetting” – 15%
“Difficult” – 12%

Dr. Fiona Clancy, R&D Senior Director, Swiss Precision Diagnostics, said in a press release, “Society always talks about motherhood, fatherhood and parenthood, but there’s a blind spot when it comes to discussing that delicate stage of trying for a baby.”

Along with the survey responses, OnePoll also asked the TTC parents about their individual perspectives on fertility and the road to parenthood. One participant said, “It takes time, especially for non-traditional families. It feels like you are alone in a world of people who have it easy and complain about problems when they don’t understand how easy they have it. But hold on because there are others of us out there.”

—Erica Loop

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11 Phrases to Try When Your Kids Won’t Listen

by Leah R. SingerApril 1, 2021

If there’s one thing parents learn rather quickly, it’s that the words “kid” and “listen” are not always compatible. It’s easy to become frustrated when you think your little one isn’t paying attention to your words, but remember, sometimes active listening takes a little bit of practice. Here are 11 positive parenting solutions to help you stop yelling at your kiddos and get them listening.

1. "I don't like it when you do that."

Amy Morin, LCSW, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, encourages parents to stay as calm as possible when reacting to their kiddos, even if the frustration level is high because they're not listening to you. Instead of getting angry and saying, "You're not listening to me," respond with saying you don't like it when they're not listening, and explain why and how it makes you feel. That also helps kids understand how their behavior affects others.

2. "What do you need to remember?"

Like many adults, kids sometimes tune out when they hear the same phrases, even if they're important ones. So instead of constantly reminding your kiddo, "Don't forget to wash your hands before lunch," try asking them what they need to remember before eating lunch. This will help them to express it back to you and take ownership of that important pre-eating task. Remember, mentally strong kids have parents who do these 13 things.

3. "Do you want to leave now or in 10 minutes?"

Sometimes there's nothing more frustrating than when your little ones refuse to listen when you need to leave the house. Instead of raising your voice so they'll listen, try giving them some control of the situation by enabling them to choose when you leave. Asking if they want to leave now or in 10 minutes means you're leaving, but they get to control when it happens.

4. "Show me."

Sometimes we assume our kids aren't listening because they're not responding in the way we think they should. Lauren Tamm, the author of The Military Wife and Mom, suggests asking your kiddo to show you they understand or demonstrate what they may not be able to articulate verbally.

5. "Can you help me with this task over here?"

Do you feel like you're constantly telling your kiddo to stop doing something, and they don't ever listen? Next time that happens, try a new approach. Instead of telling them to stop, divert their attention by asking them to focus on a new task.

6. "Take a breath, and ask me what you want."

Sometimes getting your kiddos to listen when they're in the midst of a tantrum can be an Olympic sport in itself. Instead of continuing to repeat the same things to your kids and them not responding, try changing the dynamic of the situation. Get them to focus on calming themselves by taking a breath, and encourage them to ask you what they want.

7. "You realized you got hurt when you jumped off the chair landed on the ground."

Kids often do things they shouldn't, like jumping off chairs, that could risk them getting injured. And no matter how many times you tell them to stop, they just don't want to listen to your warnings. Dr. Brenna Hicks, a child psychologist, suggests that the next time this happens and they do get hurt, use a phrase such as the one above so it acknowledges they figured out the problem and is also showing some empathy.

8. "Do you need to have a few minutes to yourself?"

When your little one is not listening or throwing a tantrum, saying something like this is a somewhat more positive way of communicating the consequences of not listening. You're also giving them the choice to control their behavior, and therefore, giving them some control over the situation.

9. "Your actions tell me you're too tired to play today."

Be sure to take cues from your kiddo's body language to learn why they may not be listening to you. Maybe your child isn't listening because they are tired or hit a mental breaking point for the day, and the only way they can communicate is through not listening to you. Show them you understand by commenting on their actions, not the fact that they're not listening.

10. Say their name, and give a pause.

When a person hears their name, it provokes a different response. So the next time your little one is not listening to your instructions, change the dynamic a bit, and use their name when you speak. Follow their name with a short pause so they have time to respond.

11. "It's okay to cry."

Positive Parenting Coach Wendy Snyder says it's important to validate kids' feelings. They have big emotions but might have the tools to control them quite yet. By letting them express themselves, you're offering support, which leads to a calmer home environment.

—Leah R. Singer

Featured image: iStock

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I’m Not like Most 25-Year-Old Moms

By Samira Soto

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

March 9, 2021

Photo: Samira Soto

I’m a young mom, 25 now to be exact. When you become a mom in your early 20s the pressures are different than I feel like those in their 30s.

Girls’ nights are mandatory and happen probably way too often. We’re praised for the simplest things like keeping our children alive.

There’s no pressure to be the perfect PTA mom driving around in our minivans, because truthfully in a lot of ways we’re still kids ourselves trying to navigate adulthood.

We are the first in line for our Pumpkin Spice Lattes as soon as they hit Starbucks, and “vibe” is a part of our daily vocabulary. And we just now are starting to get excited over vacuums, air-fryers, new pots, and pans.

So what would bring a young mom like myself and a group of amazing women who are nothing like me together?

Autism.

See I’m not like most 25-year-old moms.

My days aren’t spent shopping the latest IG small business shops for trendy clothes for my son Kanen. They aren’t spent going to the zoo, or the park, or playdates with friends. They aren’t spent in fun pre-school classes like gymnastics and music.

My days look a lot like: Therapy on top of therapy. There’s speech, OT, ABA. Oh! And you can’t forget the Child Development Specialist Insurance agencies, and doctors—so many doctors.

Did I remember to schedule that appointment?

They just upped his dosage, what do you mean the insurance won’t cover the medication now?!

After Kanen’s diagnosis in September, I had never felt so lost and confused ever in my life. I didn’t know where or who to even turn to.

I felt isolated as my life quickly began to change, the fear of the unknown started settling in and was consuming me whole.

The thoughts, the wonder, the worries, the why!!!??? They played over and over in my head like it’s Groundhog Day.

During this time my Nana had been following a page called Finding Cooper’s Voice. Whenever I would call, she would talk to me about Kate and Cooper and constantly tell me how I should follow their page.

In the beginning, I totally brushed her off, because of course, my first thought was, “There is no way this mom can understand how I feel! No one can!”

Of course, I was wrong, oh boy was I wrong.

And this is how one Facebook group, and ladies who are “nothing like me” saved my life on this autism journey.

See Kate has been on this journey for longer than I have, she is what I would call a veteran in my eyes. She saw all that was wrong in this community and found a way that moms like me have a safe space. Enter: Coop’s Troop.

Yet the more I opened my heart, and asked, and read, and listened to these women and their children’s stories, I realized I had more in common with them than most people my age.

I realized I had a lot more to learn from these moms than I could from any other resource within my reach. More than any book I could read. Because unlike most people in my life, they understand my struggles and my frustrations.

They understand the miracle of a spoken word, and like me will never take for granted the smallest milestone.

They taught me to turn my worry into wonder.

To remind me on the bad days that this journey is a marathon, not a sprint.

It is because of the amazing woman I have found through Coop’s Troop that I was encouraged and inspired to start My Charming Arley…to write about our story, to share our struggles and our smiles.

Because no two Autism journeys are ever alike.

I encourage any mom, either new or seasoned on this Autism journey to follow Finding Cooper’s Voice and do yourself an even bigger favor and join Coop’s Troop.

I promise you won’t regret it.

Samira Soto

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Samira is a 25 year old single mom to a 2 year old son Kanen Arley. Her son Kanen was diagnosed with severe non-verbal autism in September of 2020, which inspired her to start sharing their journey through My Charming Arley on Facebook and Samirasstella on Instagram.

Here’s Why Your Teen Needs to Turn Off Their Screen & Just Go to Sleep

by Erica LoopFebruary 12, 2021

Researchers from the University of South Australia recently published a new paper linking sleep to the developing teen’s mental health—even though this factor is often overlooked.

Between SnapChat, IG, TikTok and everything else that keeps your teen awake at night, it’s easy to see why adolescents don’t get as much sleep as they should. University of South Australia sleep experts Dr. Alex Agostini and Dr. Stephanie Centofanti looked at how sleep (or lack of it) affects the teen’s behavior and overall mental health, including the likelihood of developing anxiety and depression or engaging in risky activities.

photo: Keira Burton via Pexels

According to Dr. Agostini, “Getting enough sleep is important for all of us—it helps our physical and mental health, boosts our immunity, and ensures we can function well on a daily basis.” Agostini continued, “But for teenagers, sleep is especially critical because they’re at an age where they’re going through a whole range of physical, social, and developmental changes, all of which depend on enough sleep.”

The sleep researcher also added, “Research shows that teenagers need at least eight hours of sleep each night. Without this, they’re less able to deal with stressors, such as bullying or social pressures, and run the risk of developing behavioral problems, as well as anxiety and depression.”

Agostini also noted, “If sleep drops to less than six hours a night, research shows that teens are twice as likely to engage in risky behaviours such as dangerous driving, marijuana, alcohol or tobacco use, risky sexual behaviour, and other aggressive or harmful activities.”

When it comes to factors that contribute to sleep loss, Dr. Centofanti said, “Teens spend a lot of time on devices, whether it’s texting friends, playing games, or watching videos, using technology late into the night is one of the most common disruptors of good sleep. Overuse of technology can also contribute to mental health issues likely to increase anxiety.” Centofanti continued, “To make a real difference to teenage mental health, both parents and medical practitioners must understand how sleep can affect mental health in teenagers.”

—Erica Loop

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