ML Interest Tag: vulnerability

Why Being the Mother of a Son with Down Syndrome Became a Blessing

By Monica Berg

Shortly after an emergency C-section, I was informed that my newborn son had Down Syndrome.

His diagnosis affected me in many ways. I was shocked. I felt devastated. I was terrified. I felt betrayed by my body, dirty and damaged for not nurturing a healthy child. Feelings of inadequacy, of not being enough, surfaced. For eight months, I gave my body to my child. I did everything right and…it went so wrong. I was ashamed.

And Michael. My heart broke for my husband. He had always wanted a big family, but having one child with Down Syndrome significantly increases the likelihood of birthing another child with Down Syndrome. I felt like the dream of a large family was shattered, and it was completely my fault. Of course, he never thought this. I kept apologizing, saying over and over, “I’m so sorry.” Convinced I was a failure, I sank into my pain, retreating from family and friends.

A few days after he was born, we were given a list of the things Josh would never be able to do and things he would never become. The doctors explained how hard life would be for me and my family. As I listened to them talk about Josh’s limitations, I worried about my own. How would I care for a baby with a disability? What if he’s dependent on me forever? Will he have the capacity to understand or feel? Will he ever be able to speak?  The doctors encouraged us to hope for the best but expect the worst. Hearing what my husband and I heard from the doctors in the days after Josh was born could have broken us down and torn us apart.

At that moment, we had a choice. We could have given into the fear of what raising a child with Down Syndrome would be like. We could have chosen to believe the doctors and, in turn, assigned those limitations to Josh. Instead, I chose to be attuned to the beauty and potential of what he could become and, subsequently, who I would become. I chose to not let others’ expectations of Josh’s limits inform the way I thought or parented. In that moment, I chose Josh. I chose me.

It was a process, and I still had fears. I feared the future. I was terrified of raising a child with a lifetime diagnosis that I knew nothing about. I was even afraid of the judgments of others. Despite my lingering fears, I became more vulnerable, open, and fiercely inquisitive about the future.  I learned to be an advocate for Josh, and because of that, I learned to advocate for myself, powerfully.  I chose to embrace the happy reality of Josh, to enjoy the beauty of his soul and all he could offer the world. He is a person with a path and filled with ability—just like all children.

Despite the dire prognostications of doctors, we decided not to accept other people’s limitations in the form of well-meaning advice, and I became pregnant again. Though fears still arose during my daughter Miriam’s pregnancy, we welcomed a healthy baby girl into the world twelve months later. The dream of a large family was still possible. Because I was so committed to raising Josh without limitations, I taught all three of my children (Abigail, my fourth hadn’t come along yet) to refrain from labeling anyone. When my oldest, David, and daughter Miriam started to notice differences in Josh, and his differing ability to do things, I explained that everyone is different.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. For instance, Josh is great at basketball; he’s even better than some children older than he is. While he is an ace on the basketball court, he’s not quite as masterful in other areas that may even seem quite simple. It was years before any of my children learned the words Down Syndrome because I didn’t want it to change the way they interacted. I didn’t want that label limiting Josh’s potential. That choice allowed Josh to interact with his siblings and other children in a natural, organic manner. That inclusivity nurtured his potential and pushed him beyond the inherent physical challenges of Down Syndrome.

Because of Josh, I learned to love with a vulnerability I never knew existed in me. My marriage evolved into something stronger, more tender, more intimate. I grew less fearful, stronger, and learned to welcome change, even when it showed up in ways that made me uncomfortable. I learned to focus on ability instead of labeling anything a disability.

As for Josh? We could have chosen to believe what the doctors told us, and expected less from him. Instead, we chose to be attuned to the beauty and potential of who he could become. Today, Josh doesn’t look in the mirror and see limitations. He isn’t defined by a diagnosis. He is strong, self-motivated, healthy, and happy. Josh sees me and my oldest, David, working out all the time. Like us, he loves to exercise. Josh is remarkably fit, coordinated, and plans to become a personal trainer. Josh is a living example of never accepting anyone else’s opinion or beliefs about your inherent potential.

I may have learned about Josh’s potential limitations on the day he was born, but I have a lifetime to discover his gifts.

Monica Berg is an international speaker, spiritual thought leader, and the author of  Rethink Love and Fear Is Not an Option. She also serves as Chief Communications Officer for Kabbalah Centre International. She lives in New York with her husband Michael and their children David, Joshua, Miriam, and Abigail.

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5 Ways You Can Help Kids Build Resilience during Stressful Times

By Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen

Knowing how to help a young child develop resilience is important to their emotional development, as every child will face some sort of challenge, adversity or change in their lives. We are all facing this currently as we continue to live through the adversity and challenges of COVID-19. 

Resilience is one’s ability to adapt and overcome challenges and find strength through adversity. It is sometimes referred to as one’s ability to “bounce back” but I prefer to think of it more as our ability to survive, and even thrive, during a big change. All humans have this amazing capacity for survival through the most difficult and traumatic circumstances.

The following 5 tips can support and help your children build resilience and teach them new skills to get through challenging times:

1. Boundaries + Routines = Safety for young children

Children need routines and boundaries. It helps them feel stable, secure, and safe. As your schedule adapts and changes, make sure to leave plenty of time for free-play, but remember that creating a structure in their environment is something they still need you to do for them (this may be somewhat less-so with teenagers, but way more so with young children). You’ll notice how your children will relax into their days as things become more predictable for them. As children grow older they will learn to do this for themselves (create structure out of change and adapt to new routines). Right now, they need your help. Even little bedtime rituals become even more important during times like this.  

2. All Feelings Welcome. Allow space for all the feelings you and your littles are experiencing

Resiliency does not mean “everything is great right now!” (cue fake smile). It means noticing the feelings bubbling up and being honest about it. Those feelings we push down and hide will come out in one way or another so we might as well face them head-on. Facing these feelings, labeling them, and allowing space for them to be expressed is a foundational skill of emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is always a core factor in resilience. If we can help manage our emotions through healthy expression, we can get through more difficult times. Teach this now to your kids, and they will thank you when they are older. This can be done through conversation, play, or stories. Seeing a real need for a tool that helps little ones identify, accept, and cope with their big emotions, we created The Feels for Slumberkins. The book, mini stuffies set, and curriculum provides educators, parents or caregivers easy ways to talk about big feelings. It’s a story about getting to know all your feelings, that allows children to think, explore, and play around with the concepts of feelings and be-friending them all.  

3. Vulnerability Is the New Brave. Being vulnerable and acknowledging emotions, even the ‘bad’ ones, is true bravery.

Feeling scared, sad, angry, jealous, hurt, etc. is human. We are not bad for feeling these things, yet these feelings can be quite powerful and sometimes even painful. When we acknowledge these feelings, we show true bravery. Honesty and vulnerability are factors that not only help an individual, but they also strengthen our bonds in relationships. Relationships can grow stronger as we share our feelings with one another. Being vulnerable and brave can help us reach out when we need help (another core factor in resilience). Teach your children they can be honest about their feelings, and they are seen as strong and brave when they share their most difficult emotions.

4. Model What You Teach

It’s honestly the only way children learn. We have to focus on our own wellness, and emotional regulation and honestly with our emotions before we can help our children. Without trying to sound too creepy… they are watching us.

5. Practice Gratitude

Focusing on the good things can really fill our hearts. This is something we can always practice but often hold deeper and more profound meaning during times of stress. There is always something we can be grateful for—even if it’s something we used to take for granted. I think many of us are now finding gratitude for things we may not have in the past. I know, I am now so incredibly grateful for that smile from a kind neighbor on my daily walk, or for those 10 minutes of quiet when my child is playing with their toys. Just make sure you don’t skip over the acknowledgment of difficult emotions, too. Gratitude rings false if you aren’t also acknowledging the difficulty. We humans are complex, and we can tolerate things being terrible and wonderful at the same time. An experience many parents in our community are expressing during this time.

There are many ways to support resilience in children. When we allow a safe space for children to play and express themselves, they will always find ways to tap into their own resiliency and capacity for growth.

 

Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Kelly Oriard and Callie Christensen are co-founders of Slumberkins, a children's brand supporting social-emotional learning for children. Kelly has a dual master's degree in family therapy and school counseling, and Callie has a master's degree in teaching. Both are passionate about teaching children social-emotional skills to thrive in our modern world. 

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Raising Boys: How to Encourage Emotional Expression

By Tyler Jacobson

I am a father of two boys and two girls and I’m constantly surprised at how different they are. One area that these differences are apparent is in how they express their emotions. My girls have no problem being open about their feelings and they’ve become better at articulating what they want the older they’ve become.

My sons seem firmly lodged on the other side of the scale. While they were more expressive when they were younger, nowadays they’ve become more and more reticent. It’s especially hard to get my eldest son to open up about whatever’s going on in his life.

As their dad, I know firsthand how hard it is for men and boys to talk about how they feel. Society has conditioned us to believe that experiencing and showing certain emotions is a sign of weakness and that’s not what “real men” do. As a result, boys end up bottling up their feelings and feel increasingly isolated from their families and the rest of society. They feel they have no one to talk to and that no one will understand what they’re going through. This then leads to increased incidences of teen depression, suicide and mental illness in adolescent boys and young men.

Interpreting My Sons’ Emotions

I decided to do things differently when raising my sons. However, before I could help them work through and express varying emotions, I first had to learn how to read and interpret them.

For instance, I noticed that my youngest son always had a physical complaint whenever he was faced with a new experience. He often had a headache or tummy ache on the first day of school or before a test. I gradually learned that this meant he was anxious or nervous.

My eldest son expresses nervousness or anxiety differently. He plays baseball and doesn’t like showing vulnerability of any kind. So to hide his feelings, he often gets defensive when I ask him how he feels about an upcoming game.

My sons both feel more comfortable expressing their feelings if we chat while doing something else. I’ve learned to have conversations with them while working on the car or doing some DIY projects together. This way they don’t feel pressured so they can relax and open up.

Helping My Boys To Express Themselves

After figuring out how to read their emotions, the next step was helping my boys learn to handle and express their feelings in healthy ways. Here are some of the things I’ve done:

1. Setting a good example. Kids always look to their parents for cues on how to behave and my sons are no different. With this in mind, I tried to set an example worth emulating. I started by getting comfortable talking about what I felt and becoming a more expressive person. Once my boys saw that I wasn’t afraid to share my feelings they started to open up a lot more.

2. Providing a safe environment at home. With society doing its best to convince my sons to bury their emotions, I knew they needed a place where they feel safe being themselves. At home, my boys know that they are free to explore and discover their varying emotions. I don’t tell them what they’re supposed to feel but I instead provide lots of opportunities for them to grow emotionally.

3. Listening to them. In addition to encouraging my sons to express their emotions, I have learned to listen to them even if I don’t agree with what they’re saying. I try not to judge or invalidate their feelings and instead offer support and room for them to vent.  

4. Setting boundaries. Although my boys are free to embrace and express all their feelings, I’ve made sure that they understand the difference between feelings and behavior. They know that they’re responsible for their actions and they can choose how to respond to their emotions. So while feeling angry and upset is okay, they know they’re not allowed to hit or lash out at others because of those feelings.

The outside world is trying its best to toughen up my sons. I hope that setting them a good example and showing them that it’s okay for a man to talk about and show emotions will, in turn, help them be more comfortable sharing and expressing their own feelings.

Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.

 
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I Was 8 When My Dad Died and I Finally Found a Way to Heal

By Carey Reilly

Photo: Lynn Dougherty

My name is Carey Reilly. I am a comedian, wife, mother and tv host. And every year I dread the anniversary of when my father died 38 years ago. For the past nine years, I’ve been posting the same picture of him on Facebook with a line or two or sometimes nothing at all. And each year, I think about switching out a different picture and writing something meaningful but it seemed too scary to show my vulnerability. I was too afraid to be judged, to be seen as weak. I didn’t want anyone to know how much I’ve struggled day to day from losing my father. I’d rather make people laugh and after all these years, I should just be over it, right?

My father was only 53 when he suddenly died of a heart attack, after leaving the dinner table, when I was just 8 years old, my brother 10, my sister 12 and my mother a young 37. He wasn’t sick, it wasn’t expected, it happened in an instant. I watched him die. We all did. I wish I could unsee what I saw that night September 23rd, 1981—38 years ago. It was like a sad tragic scene out of a horrible movie. The flashbacks I endure today are terrifying—as if they’re happening in real-time. With just a flash of an image, my body can become paralyzed except my hands which tremor shaking back and forth lasting sometimes up to 15 minutes.

I was young and it was confusing: the screaming, the uncertainty, the EMTs rushing in, the ambulance, the helplessness. It was like meandering hysterically through a house of horrors, I couldn’t think straight and then, when the night was over, he was gone. I remember saying to my mother, “But who is going to play Santa Clause and smoke the rest of these cigars?” At just 8 years old, 53 seemed old but now that I’m 46, I know how young he really was. My brother, sister and I ended the evening with a pillow and a blanket in front of the tv watching Johnny Carson. Little did we know that not only would we never speak of the details of that night ever again, but our childhood was over. The next morning we became THAT family that everyone in our community talked about…just how sad it all was.

Through the years I’ve suffered from depression, PTSD and anxiety. When my daughter turned 8, the memories were so powerful that I was literally stuck.  I cried in the morning, during the day and at bedtime. If I wasn’t sleeping, I was crying.

One day, sobbing to my mother on the phone she said to me, “I’m so sorry your father died. I never wanted my children to grow up without their father but you need to find a way to stop being sad. Do it for your children. It’s their TURN to have a happy mother and childhood. You don’t want your daughter and son’s childhood memories to be of their mother crying over HER childhood. It’s THEIR TURN now, not yours.”

Her words hit me like a gong. It was like a switch inside me flipped on, her words freed me. From that moment on when I started to cry I’d say, “It’s not MY turn anymore.” I’d repeat my new mantra over and over until the tears finally dried up.  With a friend’s encouragement, I found a therapist and a great doctor and made the decision that I needed to move on for MY children. My therapist explained to me how getting out of a depression is like a four-legged stool with each leg representing an action you must take; therapy, medicine, exercise, and meditation or prayer. If you neglect to do one then the stool falls over. I did them all religiously, and in time, I got better. I still have my moments but now I have a purpose and the tools to move forward.

I wish I could’ve told my 8-year-old self, crying in her bed, asking God to take her too because the pain was too much, “You will get through this. You will understand a new normal. You will learn how to live and be happy. It will take a lot of work and but you will do it.”

I’m sharing this hoping my vulnerability could help someone reading this who’s suffering. If you’ve lost someone dear and you’re in pain and feeling hopeless, just know that if I can come out of this alive, so can you.

After 38 years, looking at my father’s picture still takes my breath away, forms a lump in my throat and makes me tear up. But now more than anything it’s most important to me that my kids know their mother as someone who survived not someone who suffered.

 

Carey Reilly is mom of 2 kids and a writer for Today.com and Family Traveller. She was named a Top 50 Influencer and Brand Ambassador for O Magazine. She co-hosted The Daily Glow. She’s been seen on Today Show, Fox and Friends, Cheddar News, CNN, Food Network, HLN and Wendy Williams Show.

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New Study Sheds Light On Sharenting

by Erica Loop

Do you over-sharent? A new study, published in the Journal of Public Policy and Marketing, looked at how oversharing on social media impacts parents, their kiddos and their online privacy.

Social media has opened up an entirely new world of parenting. Not only can you share your child’s major milestones with friends and family across the globe, but you can also crowdsource advice on everything from potty training to smartphone use. But with the ability to share, question and feel a sense of community, comes vulnerability, and that’s exactly what this research looks at.

photo: Rawpixel via Pexels

The researchers interviewed 15 mothers ages 24 to 40—including both experienced mamas and first-timers—asking them about their feelings on motherhood. Study participants were also asked whether they posted kid-related content on social media and what they understood about Internet privacy rules and co-ownership.

So what did the researchers find? According to the study, “Posting about their experiences and sharing personal information about themselves and their children served as a coping strategy, primarily related to seeking affirmation/social support or relief from parents stress/anxiety/depression.”

But the researchers didn’t stop there. They conducted a second study, using a Twitter chat with 116 participants (all mothers). The chat, conducted by the brand Carter’s Inc., tested the mothers to see if the feelings on vulnerability found in the first study influenced their willingness to identify or share personal information about their children.

The researchers found that 69 percent of the mothers shared posts indicating vulnerability and 47 percent posted personally identifiable info about their child. What does this mean for mothers, sharenting and the Internet? The researchers found, “If a mother did not express a risk factor for vulnerability during the chat, we saw less sharing of her children’s personally identifiable information.”

This may mean parents need more, or better, education when it comes to social media, identity issues and their children. Or it might mean that mothering puts us in a vulnerable position. In any case, the researchers acknowledge, “This area is ripe for future research.”

—Erica Loop

 

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Buddy Benches Are Taking Over Schools & Our Hearts Are Melting

by Erin Lem

While some kids thrive at free play during recess, others may find playing—or even interacting with their classmates during recess—overwhelming. Enter the Buddy Bench, a bench that some schools are installing to help students feel less alone and isolated. Read on to find out what the Buddy Bench is all about and how you can install one at your school.

So, What Is the Buddy Bench?
The concept is simple: any child sitting on a Buddy Bench indicates to his peers that he would like company. Whether kiddo is feeling overwhelmed, shy or just having an off day, sitting on the bench means he would like someone to talk to or play with.

Raising Money for a Buddy Bench
Girl Scouts recently posted on their Instagram page, a photo of Ariana who used the money she raised selling cookies to buy a Buddy Bench and donate it to her school. A portion of the caption reads, “It’s a piece of playground furniture that has the power to promote inclusion and empathy.”

Ariana joins Christian—and likely countless others—who in 2013 had a buddy bench installed at his Elementary School after hearing about this concept from a school overseas (read more of Christian’s story here).

Interested in installing a buddy bench at your school? Click here for some strategies to make it happen.

Buddy Bench Requires Supervision
Carole Lieberman, MD, psychiatrist and author of Lions and Tigers and Terrorists, Oh My! How to Protect Your Child in a Time of Terror opened up to Parents.com. She tells them that “sometimes bullies can take advantage of the vulnerability of the kid who sits down hoping to make a friend. It could be tempting for bullies to make fun of them.” So, if you or your family are passionate about bringing a Buddy Bench to your own school, we suggest speaking with teachers and administration about how best to supervise it.

— Erin Lem

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The Importance of Saying ‘I’m Sorry’

By Dr Bethany Cook

The kids (ages 4 and 5) were happily playing in the bathtub singing songs and making “potions” whilst I scuttled around getting their stuff ready for bedtime.

After a couple of minutes, I usually pop my head into the bathroom to make sure everyone is doing OK and following the bath rules (i.e. no standing, throwing toys, etc). As I peek around the bathroom door I see my 4-year-old daughter drinking water from what I presume is an old bottle filled with the dirty bath water.

This is not the first time I’ve caught my daughter sipping suds. So I say in an authoritative voice (not shouting but raised volume) “What are you doing drinking that water!!?? We’ve talked about this sooooo many times! STOP. DRINKING. THE. DIRTY. BATH. WATER!”  

My daughter’s eyes immediately start to well up with tears and she stutters as she says to me in a tearful voice, “This is clean water. My cousin got it for me in a water bottle.” (We had family visiting and people were always buzzing in and out of rooms.)

Immediately I softened my tone and realized she was telling the truth (validated by her cousin shouting in agreement from the other room). “OK my darling. I didn’t realize she had done that for you and I thought that was old, dirty water. I’m so very sorry.”

With those words my daughter’s eyes stopped spilling over with tears, the corner of her lips turned upward toward a smile and we locked eyes as she placed her hand over mine when I wiped a tear away.  She knew I meant it and felt that in her soul.

How Modeling Factors into the Equation

When was the last time your parent(s) said they were sorry to you?  When was the last time you said you were sorry to your child(ren)? I’ve spoken to many people who have never heard their parent apologize for anything. But of course, on the other side are the parents who are excessive apologizers.  

Then we have those insincere apologies when a parent says something along the lines of “I’m sorry you heard X that way,” which means it was your fault for misinterpreting their comment, not an admission of feeling sorrow for what they said and/or how it made you feel.

Somewhere in the middle of the “never-apologizers,” the “always apologizers” and the “insincere apologies” we as parents need to find a happy medium where we sincerely apologize when our behaviors warrant it.  

Where I grew up saying you’re “sorry” was often viewed as a sign of weakness or that you were conceding to an argument. When I was younger, I thought if I apologized for my actions, that others would view me as weak. As I grew and was exposed to other ways of thinking about the phrase “I’m sorry,” I began to realize just how wrong I had been.

What is an apology and why is it (at times) so hard to say?  

An apology is when we express remorse and take responsibility for our actions and the subsequent impact on someone or something else.  For an apology to be truly sincere the person giving it needs to make efforts to ensure certain behaviors/actions won’t happen again.

Often, it’s much easier to apologize to the person you bumped into waiting in line than it is to a family member or someone you love. Why? The reason is simple and hits us all at our core. The person at the store has no emotional value or connection to you so no matter how they respond we usually aren’t emotionally invested in their acceptance/refusal of the apology.

To offer a sincere apology means you have to be humble. It means that for a brief moment in time you are admitting your imperfections and allowing yourself to be vulnerable; usually with the ones you love the most, or with those whose opinions matter to you (i.e. friend, colleague, family member, etc).  

This is a very uncomfortable place to be…feeling exposed, unguarded, and defenseless as if you’re standing in the spotlight naked in the middle of a stage. Everyone is able to see all the bruises, scars, and jagged edges made sharp from the years of going over-and-over-and-over the wounds of our past. Showing that side of us can feel very, very scary.  

WHAAAAAAAAT? I’m asking you to show your child you’re vulnerable? Show your child you’re human? Show your child you make mistakes and that you’re not a perfect superhero? What good will that do?  (I’m sure you’ve caught on to the sarcastic inflection).

My children have heard me say “I’m sorry” more times than I can count. I am not an “over” apologizer by any stretch of the imagination (just ask my spouse :), yet I am a strong believer in owning my actions and behaviors. Plus I have four little eyes always watching what I do and how I handle situations. This means when I mess-up, I fess-up.

It’s liberating to say “I’m sorry” when you’ve wronged someone. When you show vulnerability you’re actually being courageous. Just like with everything in life, you get better with practice. My children initially struggled to say those words when they messed up. Yet with time and practice (and watching both parents apologize) they have become masters at saying “I’m sorry.”  I can’t tell you how quickly those words decrease my anger when they immediately apologize for something they knew they shouldn’t have done.

I wasn’t always good at saying “sorry.” My spouse is much better at apologizing than me and has modeled how to do so with grace and dignity. This modeling has been a massive help to me. Seriously, even when I know an apology is needed I still sometimes struggle saying those two magic words. I am human, ya know. ;)

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone apologized when they messed-up and made steps to change bad behaviors?   

Our children look to us for guidance on how to cope with and manage social relationships in a world of inconsiderate and rude people (that includes you and me. Come on, admit it.  We’ve all had our “moments” and they’ve impacted someone else). Saying “I’m sorry” has the power to stop an altercation, heal a broken heart and/or mend a relationship.

Arming your children with the power of being able to sincerely say these two words will be vital to their mental and emotional health. If your family tree doesn’t drop “I’m sorry” apples, why not be the one who changes the direction of your family branch?  

Kids often view their parents/guardians as “gods” that are perfect and never make a mistake. This sets them up for failure from the get-go cause aint nobody perfect. Instead, offer your child(ren) the best version of yourself and show them how to be vulnerable, courageous, kind and confident in their imperfect selves.  

“A MAN SHOULD NEVER BE ASHAMED TO OWN HE HAS BEEN IN THE WRONG, WHICH IS BUT SAYING… THAT HE IS WISER TODAY THAN HE WAS YESTERDAY.” —ALEXANDER POPE

 

 

I am a 42-year-old biological mother of two young children in a same-sex relationship, a clinical psychologist with a specialty in neuropsychological assessment, a music therapist, a trainer of therapy dogs and ex-communicated Mormon from Indiana with a wicked sense of humor. 

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7 Mindful Ways to Welcome in the New Year With Self-Care

By Jennifer Landis

New Year’s resolutions usually start with good intentions and fizzle with bad follow-through. According to US News & World Report, 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail by February. And maybe that’s because these are driven by guilt from the holidays. However, if you start out with mindful practices, you can set up your new year for success.

Self-care is a necessity in the midst of busyness. You need time to slow down and tend to your own emotional, mental and physical health. Protect yourself from burnout this season by ringing in another year with self-care. You can start by checking out the following tips.

1. Reflect on your year

The first step in preparing yourself for a new season of well being is understanding your past. Reflect on this past year to consider your weaknesses and strengths. When you know your triggers for stress, you can predict setbacks and change how you react to them.

Reflection can help you find direction for your future. Evaluating your current lifest‌yle and consider what steps you need to take to proceed toward a better life. Monitor your behavior and mindset to develop better self-awareness and achieve goals.

2. Celebrate improvement.

As you take steps to improve your habits and overall lifest‌yle, you should recognize the improvement and congratulate yourself. Celebrate your victories, even if they’re small, because your efforts are pushing you forward. Acknowledging your achievements can give you confidence and strengthen you.

A positive outlook is essential to progress, and 90 percent of happiness relates to your mindset rather than your circumstances. One way to encourage yourself and keep your motivation up is through affirming self-talk. Exchange criticism for compliments and reassurance, and try to build yourself up rather than breaking yourself down.

3. Gather a support team.

Whether you find an accountability partner or surround yourself with loved ones, a support team can make you feel capable of growth. People who keep you on track with your self-care efforts can propel you forward and make the responsibility less daunting. When you share this goal with them, they can appreciate your vulnerability.

Gathering a group of people who bring positivity and non-judgmental help means you should leave behind toxic relationships. Cut out the negative influences on your life that keep you from maintaining your health and stability.

4. Declutter your space.

It doesn’t have to be spring for you to remove distracting objects and messiness from your life. New Year’s is an optimal time to reset your living space. Clear out the belongings you don’t need so you can create a useful and accessible area for yourself.

Cluttered areas hinder your clarity of mind and tire out your brain. But establishing a fresh environment for a new season can push you to maintain your own habits and goals. Clearing out things you have been holding onto can remove negativity from your life, too. You can increase your focus for more success and intentional care in the following year.

5. Prioritize sleep (and other healthy habits).

Setting up your year with a regulated sleep pattern and quality rest can enhance your life. Sleep substantially contributes to your emotional wellbeing, brain functioning and physical health. It should be close to the top of your self-care list because it vastly shifts your mood and performance. If you want to keep your self-care goals going, you need to incorporate designated rest times.

Other healthy habits that you should prioritize in the new year include a balance between work and your personal life, hygiene, consistent exercise and food choices. To choose self-care, you must establish boundaries. Remember that you don’t need to justify your choices and priorities to others, but you have to do what is best for you and your loved ones.

6. Section off future self-care times.

Mark your calendar for future self-care times. You can block off an hour or an evening to spend some time reflecting, evaluating and relaxing periodically — but that means you have to keep allowing yourself alone time. If you have an activity or hobby that you want to do in your alone time, you can section off time in your week to go for a run, take a bubble bath or paint.

It may seem strange to jot down alone time on your calendar, but in the busyness, it’s hard to slow down and recharge. You have to practice intentionality in self-care to make it a habit. Don’t feel guilty spending this time apart from your family or from work. Extend grace to yourself and give yourself permission to maintain your emotional and physical health.

7. Resolve to make yourself a priority—it’s not being selfish!

During the coming year, set yourself up with healthy habits, a fresh setting, an encouraging support group and self-awareness. This New Year’s reflect and celebrate intentionally. Start out the season by bettering your health and mindset through giving yourself guilt-free alone time and grace.

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

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The Facebook Hack Is Actually a Big Deal. Here’s What You Need to Do ASAP

by Erica Loop

Late last week, news broke that Facebook had experienced a huge security and data breach. If you’re wondering how protect yourself from the Facebook hack, you aren’t alone. At least 50 million Facebook accounts were possibly compromised in the hack—and it looks like it could be more than that…a lot more.

But it’s not just Facebook: it’s also possible that your Instagram account may have been affected, too. If you use your Facebook account to log into your Instagram account, this action may have allowed hackers access. There has been no official confirmation from Facebook about whether or not IG accounts were compromised.Representatives for Facebook did not immediately return Red Tricycle’s request for comment.

Read on for answers to some of your most important questions following this massive Facebook hack.

Photo: PDPics via Pixabay

So, what happened?

Facebook offered the following security update about the hack at its website: “Our investigation is still in its early stages. But it’s clear that attackers exploited a vulnerability in Facebook’s code that impacted ‘View As,’ a feature that lets people see what their own profile looks like to someone else.” And why is this so bad? It allowed the hackers to steal Facebook access tokens.

If that makes absolutely no sense to you, think of it this way—the tokens are like a digital key. After logging in, the tokens make it possible for you to use the FB app without having to go back and enter your password again. Following an initial investigation, passwords and payment info were reportedly not compromised by the hack.

How do I know if I was hacked?

Facebook immediately fixed the vulnerability that allowed the hackers to get into their system. They also reset access tokens for every affected account. Along with the 50 million affected users, FB is also resetting the access tokens of an additional 40 million accounts that may have been part of a “View As” look-up within the last year.

If you were affected, you’ll have to log in to your account the next time you use it (with your password). You’ll also get a notification that explains what’s going on with your account.

What should I do now?

If you weren’t affected—meaning, you don’t get a notification—it’s still not a bad idea to reset your access tokens by logging out of your Facebook account and logging back in. You should also log out and log back in to other accounts that use Facebook to login info—Instagram for sure, but also apps like What’s App, Uber, Spotify, Pinterest—and any other that uses Facebook Login, too.

You could just create totally separate log-in info, unlinking all of your accounts from Facebook. A pain, yes—but if you’re really worried about your account safety and privacy, it’s pretty much the only way to ensure your Facebook info can’t be used to hack into other non-Facebook accounts you might have.

While passwords weren’t stolen during this attack, it never hurts to change yours. And this little reminder of internet security might prompt you to rethink how long you go in-between resetting passwords—or what you use as a password. Remember, “password” or your child’s name (which is probably splashed all over your FB page) aren’t exactly the best options. Instead, pick a strong password that you’ll remember—but hackers won’t be able to guess.

—Erica Loop

 

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This Dad’s Rant About Being ‘Mom’ for the Day is Either Freakin’ Hilarious or a Major Eye Roll

by Red Tricycle

Yep, this dad got more than he was askin’ for. When Brad Kearns wife, Sarah, fell ill, he had to step up his dad duties. He posted on Facebook his struggles watching over their two sons, two-year-old Knox and six-month-old Finn. And. It’s. Pretty. Epic.

 

Brad wrote:

“Today I had to be the mum…

You know when your wife always says “I wish I could be the dad” and you’re like … It’s the same thing…

Well sit back, relax, grab a drink, some popcorn, clear your schedule and hold onto your bootlaces because I’m about to take you on a ride that could only be likened to a backwards 100mph roller coaster that takes you through waterfalls of vomit, s**t and lots of tears. And once you’re finished with yours you will move onto the children’s.

It all started yesterday when I had to rush out of work. Because I’m a dad… And dads get respite for 40+ hours per week under the socially acceptable provisor ‘supporting the family’ while mum continues doing what women seem to so effortlessly do. “My liver has failed” read the text message from Sarah. And that’s when I became the mum. It’s now been 24 hours…

I feel like the Law & Order scene change beat would be appropriate about now.

5:00pm arrival at home – The Eagles Land
5:01pm… Initial scans of the house:
1. Living quarters trashed
2. Rations reduced to tiny teddies, gravy stock, tea bags and a clear lack of defrosted meat
3. Knox (2yo) limited speech ability wants to watch a DVD and communicated this by roaring at me. Finn (6wks) communicates only by way of the hot and cold guessing game, crying for hot and emphatic crying for cold

I put on the dvd which buys me time with Knox. Finn still making his same original request, I don’t seem to be getting any warmer. A bottle reduces him to a mere wimper. I’ll take it.

Who remembers Aristos The Surprise Chef? The bloke that can look at a bare ass pantry consisting of canned food and half rotten vegetables and create a 3 course meal fit for a King…
Well Knox had 2 minute noodles so (bleep) YOU ARISTOS!

As the night rolls on and my patience wears thin; I reduce myself to keeping Knox quiet by allowing him to place stickers on my (very hairy) legs. He was being quiet… “It’s okay, I can shave them off in the morning” was the thought. “Just don’t wake Finn”

It’s amazing how babies sleep the way they do. You know what I mean hey… When you change and finish feeding them, and you gently pick him up to burp him, and he burps, and you rub his back to make him comfortable. And his eyelids become heavy, and he breathes heavily through his nose as the comforting warmth becomes too much for him to be able to keep his eyes open. It’s really beautiful… And then you wrap him ever so gently, bring him up to your face and kiss him on his forehead, and sway as you walk into the room, as if you’re doing the slowest no partnered waltz you can do, and you’re wiggling your hips that bit extra because you’re the (bleep) man because the kid’s asleep, and you gently lay him in his bed, and cover him, and tuck him in, and tap the dummy for whatever the (bleep) reason we seem to do that for. It’s beautiful. It’s such a nice and serene moment you get to share with them…
Right up until the part where he (bleep) SCREAMS FROM THE HIGH HEAVENS… As if I’ve thrown him at a wall by his legs!

At least it’s only once a night right??? I mean, why wouldn’t I want to do it all again at 10:30….12:00….1:45….3:30….
I was so excited to know the trend would continue at 5:00 except it was actually the beginning of the new day. Did you know sleep deprivation is a form of torture???

So there I was… At 5:30am sitting on the lounge with Finn alert as an 18yr old Mt Druitt chick at Stereosonic… Just sittin… When Knox enters the room and says “Hi”. That’s the moment I realised I would rather be the dad.

So I got the kids ready for the day and planned my attack on the domestic duties. And by that I mean I spent the next 2 hours in the lounge room holding Finn, in a spiral of insomnia induced hallucinations allowing Knox to help himself to an assortment of fruit sticks, K-Time Twists and Sa-Ka-Ta’s until he eventually retreated to his train set. Texting Sarah “really good night babe”…

Then there was a Knock at the door… Have you ever been in a situation where someone walked in on you doing something you shouldn’t be? That’s the feeling I got when I opened the door to my mother in law. So there I was;
Unshaven, hair a mess, wearing the pants and socks from the day before and a hoodie covering up the fact I had no shirt on. Hadn’t showered, not yet brushed my teeth, Knox comes running out in his sleeping bag asking for a new Yoghurt muesli bar to be opened. I open the door to her to reveal the fact that knox’s noodles were still in a bowl on the table, stickers stuck to the goddamn lounge, the house an absolute mess.

It was in that moment I knew I was defeated. It was also in that moment I knew she knew I knew I was defeated. A vulnerability we try our best to keep from our in laws. That was only 16 hours of being a mum. And I failed.

I have not even mastered the ability to keep my own personal hygiene as a mum let alone the ability to keep a house, educate children, prepare meals and even venture outside for activities.

Sarah’s still in hospital… Get well soon babe :) and stay tuned for day 2″

Have any advice for Brad on being a new ‘mom?’ Share it in the comments below!

Featured Photo: DaDMum via Facebook

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