Although cell phones and computers have been around for decades, digital media consumption is very different among Generation Z, compared with Generation X and even Millennials. Nowadays, children are surrounded by digital devices since birth and their devices are considered essentials of daily life, not just sources of occasional entertainment or educational tools.

The average age at which a child starts using their first device—2 years old—trends younger with every research study. However, exposure to the internet begins far earlier, at around three years old. As teenagers, that jumps to nine hours a day. Statistics like these concern parents about exactly what kids are experiencing on the internet.

Below are five ways to keep up with kid’s online lives and protect their online activity.

1. Educate Yourself: To ensure your children are safe online, educate yourself about existing dangers. Stay up to speed with the latest trending apps, games, social media, and websites popular with kids and teens. Be particularly aware of unsafe apps such as anonymous apps, which can be used for cyberbullying or by internet predators.

2. Open a Discussion: As children are spending the majority of their time on the internet, it is important now more than ever that you have the necessary discussion about online safety and it is never too late to start. Provide your child with information rather than a list of don’ts. Talk about the risks involved with social media. Try not to be confrontational and ask open-ended questions. Let your child know that they can come to you if they come across disturbing content and if they are being bullied.

3. Set Rules: Collaborate as a family to clarify rules and expectations around internet activity and home devices. Consider things like time limits, priority family commitments, and social engagement at home with each other. Coming up with rules as a family helps everyone be on the same page, and gives children expectations before they start using devices, so there aren’t any surprises. Rules and expectations can be compiled into a “tech contract” so they are easily accessible for all members of the family.

4. Use Parent Controls: Use a powerful parental control solution like Hub by Securly to manage and monitor their online habits. After setting a clear agreement and expectations with your children, explain to them that these are your devices, and you will review them because as parents, you only wish to keep your children healthy and safe. Hub by Securly allows you to limit your child’s internet access by turning off the internet with a tap. With the Hub, you can also put blocks and monitoring on your kids’ devices. Most kids aren’t searching for bad content. They just stumble on it but they can’t unsee what they’ve seen.

5. Be a Role Model: Oftentimes, children copy what their parents do, so it’s best to try to set a positive example for them. Not only does it help manage your own screen time, but it also sets a healthy device standard in the household. It is a good idea to enforce “screen-free time” into your daily routine, such as at dinner and during bedtime.

Linsly Donnelly, SVP of Consumer and Parent Operations at Securly, an online solution for managing children's devices and online activity to ensure their safety. 

You’ve heard of prenups before marriage, but have you heard about the baby variety? Some couples are reportedly choosing to create before-birth contracts, outlining each partner’s responsibilities.

So what exactly is a baby prenup? Technically it’s not a “prenup” in the strictest of senses. A prenup, or pre-nuptial, agreement happens before a marriage, while a baby prenup is a cute name for a contract between two parents made prior to the baby’s birth.

photo: J Carter via Pexels 

The baby prenup clearly details what parenting duties each person is responsible for. If you’re wondering why two people would want this, think about the crazy confusion that typically follows a birth.

Who’s on diaper duty? Who’s washing baby’s zillion onesies? And who’s getting up at midnight, 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. to change baby’s crib sheets?

Going into parenting with a written agreement sets expectations, creates clarity and can make the initial adjustment easier for everyone involved. Vanessa Petronelli, a celeb spiritual and life coach, told Good Morning America, “While there will be many unexpected, unpredictable elements, it’s definitely wise to do as much planning as possible in terms of household and parenting tasks.”

Before you run to your lawyer for help, stop. Unlike the marriage variety, a baby prenup is more of an organizational/relationship saving strategy that parents tailor to their needs and less of an actual legal document.

—Erica Loop

 

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It’s well known that nearly half of all marriages in the country end in divorce. The rate is even higher for subsequent marriages. What many people are not as focused on are the children involved and how to best go about co-parenting in a way that will help them grow into well adjusted adults. July is National Child-Centered Divorce Month, making it an ideal time to place the focus of divorce on the children, and what can be done to help ensure they come out of the situation in healthy manner.

“Divorce may seem like it’s something between the adults, but it is really something impacts the whole family,” explains Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert, licensed educational psychologist, and author, who offer virtual workshops. “Children need parents who will commit to working together for the health and development of their child.”

In a study published in the journal called The Linacre Quarterly, researchers shared their findings of reviewing three decades worth of research regarding the impact of divorce on the health of children. Their research found that divorce has been shown to diminish a child’s future competence in all areas of life, including family relationships, education, emotional well-being, and future earning power. Parents can help to counter the negative impact that divorce has on the children by focusing on effective co-parenting that will help ensure their success throughout life.

Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves. They will also have a healthy example to follow. It’s important for parents to remember that their feelings about their ex does not, and should not, dictate their behavior. It’s better to focus on being a positive example, putting your child’s well being in the spotlight.

Patel offers some tips that will help with ensuring co-parenting success:

  • Commit to making co-parenting an open dialogue with your ex. Arrange to do this through email, texting, voicemail, letters, or face-to-face conversations. In the beginning, it may be hard to have a civil dialogue with your ex. There are even websites where you can upload schedules, share information and communicate so you and your ex don’t have to directly touch base. 

 

  • The key is consistency. Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between the two households, but you and your ex should establish generally consistent guidelines. They should be mutually agreed upon for both households. For example, meal time, bed time, and completing homework need to consistent. This helps create a sense of belonging and creates a sense of security and predictability for children. Discuss and come to an agreement about each of these issues.

 

  • Don’t give in to guilt and try and outdo your ex by gifting you child with things, instead agree on discipline. This includes things like behavioral guidelines, rewards, and consequences, so there is consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they’re with at any given time. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being.

 

  • Keep in mind that children will frequently test boundaries and rules, especially if there’s a chance to get something they may not ordinarily be able to obtain. This is why a united front in co-parenting is recommended. 

 

  • Be flexible and update often. If there are changes at home, in your life, it is important that your child is never the primary source of information.

 

  • Speak in positive language about your ex. Remember, often times, the marriage is what was the issue, not the parenting st‌yle. Each of you has valuable strengths as a parent. Remember to recognize the different traits you and your ex have – and reinforce this awareness with your children.

 

  • Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD. Keeping this in mind, strive to keep conflict around them to a minimal or none at all.

 

  • Keep the conversations child-focused. This will leave out problems that you and your ex have with each other. The focus now needs to be on the children.

“Effective and healthy co-parenting may be difficult at first and it make time some time to work everything out,” added Patel. “But getting this part right in the long run is going to have a huge positive impact on your children, so it’s worth it. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help to put a plan together or determine how to best put co-parenting into action.”

 

Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist and board-certified behavior analyst. For more than 20 years, Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness.

The kids (ages 4 and 5) were happily playing in the bathtub singing songs and making “potions” whilst I scuttled around getting their stuff ready for bedtime.

After a couple of minutes, I usually pop my head into the bathroom to make sure everyone is doing OK and following the bath rules (i.e. no standing, throwing toys, etc). As I peek around the bathroom door I see my 4-year-old daughter drinking water from what I presume is an old bottle filled with the dirty bath water.

This is not the first time I’ve caught my daughter sipping suds. So I say in an authoritative voice (not shouting but raised volume) “What are you doing drinking that water!!?? We’ve talked about this sooooo many times! STOP. DRINKING. THE. DIRTY. BATH. WATER!”  

My daughter’s eyes immediately start to well up with tears and she stutters as she says to me in a tearful voice, “This is clean water. My cousin got it for me in a water bottle.” (We had family visiting and people were always buzzing in and out of rooms.)

Immediately I softened my tone and realized she was telling the truth (validated by her cousin shouting in agreement from the other room). “OK my darling. I didn’t realize she had done that for you and I thought that was old, dirty water. I’m so very sorry.”

With those words my daughter’s eyes stopped spilling over with tears, the corner of her lips turned upward toward a smile and we locked eyes as she placed her hand over mine when I wiped a tear away.  She knew I meant it and felt that in her soul.

How Modeling Factors into the Equation

When was the last time your parent(s) said they were sorry to you?  When was the last time you said you were sorry to your child(ren)? I’ve spoken to many people who have never heard their parent apologize for anything. But of course, on the other side are the parents who are excessive apologizers.  

Then we have those insincere apologies when a parent says something along the lines of “I’m sorry you heard X that way,” which means it was your fault for misinterpreting their comment, not an admission of feeling sorrow for what they said and/or how it made you feel.

Somewhere in the middle of the “never-apologizers,” the “always apologizers” and the “insincere apologies” we as parents need to find a happy medium where we sincerely apologize when our behaviors warrant it.  

Where I grew up saying you’re “sorry” was often viewed as a sign of weakness or that you were conceding to an argument. When I was younger, I thought if I apologized for my actions, that others would view me as weak. As I grew and was exposed to other ways of thinking about the phrase “I’m sorry,” I began to realize just how wrong I had been.

What is an apology and why is it (at times) so hard to say?  

An apology is when we express remorse and take responsibility for our actions and the subsequent impact on someone or something else.  For an apology to be truly sincere the person giving it needs to make efforts to ensure certain behaviors/actions won’t happen again.

Often, it’s much easier to apologize to the person you bumped into waiting in line than it is to a family member or someone you love. Why? The reason is simple and hits us all at our core. The person at the store has no emotional value or connection to you so no matter how they respond we usually aren’t emotionally invested in their acceptance/refusal of the apology.

To offer a sincere apology means you have to be humble. It means that for a brief moment in time you are admitting your imperfections and allowing yourself to be vulnerable; usually with the ones you love the most, or with those whose opinions matter to you (i.e. friend, colleague, family member, etc).  

This is a very uncomfortable place to be…feeling exposed, unguarded, and defenseless as if you’re standing in the spotlight naked in the middle of a stage. Everyone is able to see all the bruises, scars, and jagged edges made sharp from the years of going over-and-over-and-over the wounds of our past. Showing that side of us can feel very, very scary.  

WHAAAAAAAAT? I’m asking you to show your child you’re vulnerable? Show your child you’re human? Show your child you make mistakes and that you’re not a perfect superhero? What good will that do?  (I’m sure you’ve caught on to the sarcastic inflection).

My children have heard me say “I’m sorry” more times than I can count. I am not an “over” apologizer by any stretch of the imagination (just ask my spouse :), yet I am a strong believer in owning my actions and behaviors. Plus I have four little eyes always watching what I do and how I handle situations. This means when I mess-up, I fess-up.

It’s liberating to say “I’m sorry” when you’ve wronged someone. When you show vulnerability you’re actually being courageous. Just like with everything in life, you get better with practice. My children initially struggled to say those words when they messed up. Yet with time and practice (and watching both parents apologize) they have become masters at saying “I’m sorry.”  I can’t tell you how quickly those words decrease my anger when they immediately apologize for something they knew they shouldn’t have done.

I wasn’t always good at saying “sorry.” My spouse is much better at apologizing than me and has modeled how to do so with grace and dignity. This modeling has been a massive help to me. Seriously, even when I know an apology is needed I still sometimes struggle saying those two magic words. I am human, ya know. ;)

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone apologized when they messed-up and made steps to change bad behaviors?   

Our children look to us for guidance on how to cope with and manage social relationships in a world of inconsiderate and rude people (that includes you and me. Come on, admit it.  We’ve all had our “moments” and they’ve impacted someone else). Saying “I’m sorry” has the power to stop an altercation, heal a broken heart and/or mend a relationship.

Arming your children with the power of being able to sincerely say these two words will be vital to their mental and emotional health. If your family tree doesn’t drop “I’m sorry” apples, why not be the one who changes the direction of your family branch?  

Kids often view their parents/guardians as “gods” that are perfect and never make a mistake. This sets them up for failure from the get-go cause aint nobody perfect. Instead, offer your child(ren) the best version of yourself and show them how to be vulnerable, courageous, kind and confident in their imperfect selves.  

“A MAN SHOULD NEVER BE ASHAMED TO OWN HE HAS BEEN IN THE WRONG, WHICH IS BUT SAYING… THAT HE IS WISER TODAY THAN HE WAS YESTERDAY.” —ALEXANDER POPE

 

 

I am a 42-year-old biological mother of two young children in a same-sex relationship, a clinical psychologist with a specialty in neuropsychological assessment, a music therapist, a trainer of therapy dogs and ex-communicated Mormon from Indiana with a wicked sense of humor. 

Following on the heels of retail giants such as Toys “R” Us, Gymboree and Bed Bath & Beyond, Party City recently announced closures for the upcoming year. While the national chain isn’t shuttering all locations (far from it), the company has plans to close 45 stores permanently.

Between bday bashes, weddings, grad gatherings and all the other festivities you attend regularly, it’s hard to comprehend the idea of a top party retailer shutting down. But like other brick and mortars have found, retail isn’t an easy game to conquer in the age of the internet—even for Party City.

According to Chief Executive Office, James M. Harrison, in a press statement, “Each year, Party City typically closes 10-15 stores as a part of our prudent network optimization process and in response to ongoing consumer, market and economic changes that naturally arise in the business.” Harrison also added, “This year, after careful consideration and evaluation of our store fleet, we’ve made the decision to close more stores than usual in order to help optimize our market level performance, focus on the most profitable locations and improve the overall health of our store portfolio.”

Despite rumors of helium shortage-related closures, Harrison did note, “Most importantly, we have signed a letter of agreement for a new source of helium which, subject to final execution of a definitive contract, would provide for additional quantities of helium beginning this summer and continuing for the next 2.5 years.  We believe this new source should substantially eliminate the shortfall we are experiencing at current allocation rates and improve our ability to return to a normal level of latex and metallic balloon sales.”

How do you know if your Party City will close in 2019? The retailer is still yet to release the locations of the 45 stores.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Gaelle Marcell via Unsplash 

 

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Let’s say the dating thing worked out and you met someone fantastic, and you are so excited and cannot wait for everyone to meet him because he is so great! While it is true a happy parent can make for happy children, it is necessary to be conscious about how a new partner can affect the dynamics with your kids. Deciding when and how to make an introduction between your significant other and your children must be done in a thoughtful manner where there is balance between all concerned parties—this includes you, your children, your new man, and yes, even your ex.

Dating while Divorcing
Depending on when you last dated, the sheer idea of re-entering the dating world can be overwhelming. If you have a new man in your life but you are still wearing the wedding ring given to you by your current husband, then do not (under almost any circumstance) introduce your new paramour to your kids. I realize in many affairs, the children have probably already made the acquaintance of the person you might be thinking of introducing them to—it might be a neighbor, a family friend, or even the husband of your PTA nemesis. Regardless, never let your kids find out about this relationship before your husband does.

Timing Is Important
If you have already fled for divorce and are separated from your husband, then we are dealing with a somewhat cleaner area when it comes to your love life. While you may have some stage fright, and you might also feel you are in no way ready to think about a new relationship, the time may come when you meet someone with whom you feel you could have a future. However, realize that introducing the idea of a new dad to your kids could easily make your ex freak out. Realize that you can even significantly destroy a relatively cordial split by making your ex feel threatened by the fact some guy is taking his place in his family.

See the Situation through the Eyes of Others
No matter who was responsible for pulling the plug on your marriage, it is imperative that you take a step back and consider the situation through your children’s and your ex’s eyes.  The idea of a new Mr. X fling a romantic void in your life could be disturbing to your ex and your children alike. Your kids have never seen you with anyone other than their father, and this could throw off their equilibrium.

In their thinking, if you have a new man in your life to replace their dad, does that mean you could have new kids someday too? In the children’s mind, you are their mom first, and anyone else should get their hands off! Remember that children can be just as possessive as your ex.

The Legalities of Dating Pre-divorce
One key issue to explore is where you are with custody and if there is the possibility of a custody fight presenting itself in the future. If there is the slightest chance of a custody dispute (meaning that a parenting agreement has not already been drafted and signed), I would strongly recommend no introduction be made to the person you have started dating. The last thing you need is your ex making it seem to a judge that you have poor judgment when introducing Mr. Rebound to your kids and letting him use the old toothbrush their father left behind.

A second consideration is specific language could be put into your separation agreement that any introduction to a significant other cannot occur unless the relationship has lasted for a certain amount of time. There can also be stipulations stating that if an introduction were to take place, the ex-spouse would be provided advance warning.

 

Jacqueline Newman is a divorce lawyer and matrimonial law expert. As managing partner of a top-tier 5th Avenue Manhattan law firm focused exclusively on divorce, her practice runs the gamut from prenups for high net worth people contemplating marriage to high conflict matrimonial litigation in dissolutions. 

You made it––another week in the books! Whether you had an easy week getting everyone back to school after Spring Break or you barely made it through by the skin of your teeth, why not reward yourself with a batch of funny tweets? Keep reading for our roundup of the funniest things parents had to say on Twitter this week.

 

1. Just prepping for a summer of “look at me!”

2. Any.THING.

3. Works every time.

4. Dang you Kroger for moving the bread aisle!

5. Nope.

6. WHY!?

7. We’d go.

8. 🤷

9. No, it won’t…

10. Greeeaaaat.

––Karly Wood

 

photo: Ryan McGuire via Gratisography; composite by Karly Wood for Red Tricycle

 

Earlier this week, the Cedar Rapids Fire Department delivered a baby during the Polar Vortex. While you might expect baby delivering duties to fall into the hands of an OB/GYN or midwife, when duty calls, these first responders came through in an amazing way.

Sometimes the birth plan doesn’t work out as hoped. When mama-to-be Cassy Abram and husband Scotty were told that Scotty Jr. just wasn’t ready for his grand debut, the expectant couple left the hospital and returned to their Cedar Rapids, Iowa home. But apparently Scotty Jr. wasn’t in agreement with the hospital staff’s assessment. Minutes after arriving home, Cassy was in labor and the baby was coming.

Imminently soon-to-be dad Scotty called the Cedar Rapids Fire Department and got to work actually delivering his baby. In an interview with CNN, Cassy’s aunt, Larissa Ruffin, said, “EMTsarrived about 10 minutes later and they let dad cut the umbilical cord on the living room floor.”

But wait, the story gets better. Not only did the unplanned home birth go flawlessly, the firefighters didn’t stop at the delivery. In a now-viral Facebook post, a pic of two firefighters shoveling the new family of three’s driveway melted hearts across the internet.

One commenter wrote, “Your firefighters rock! That took one huge weight off of a new dad’s shoulders, and let him enjoy some special time with his wife and new son. Those firefighters deserve a huge pat on the back, a warm blanket and some hot cocoa.”

Summing it up, another FB commenter added, “Well done! This was such a beautiful gesture and a nice reminder of the goodness in the world. Thank you for your work.”

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Shelby Miller via Unsplash

 

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Editor’s Update: In an end-of-the-year Hail Mary, Verizon Fios and Disney reached a carriage agreement, that will keep Disney-owned channels, programming, and NYC- and Philadelphia-area local affiliate stations on the air. The deal was reached on Dec. 30, 2018, with specific details of the agreement still forthcoming. Our original story follows below.

The contract between Disney and Verizon Fios expires soon. Based on an email Verizon recently sent to its Fios customers, it looks like things aren’t going well. Representatives from Disney did not immediately return Red Tricycle’s request for comment. So, what does all this mean for your favorite Disney shows and TV channels?

According to a representative from Verizon, “We’re actively negotiating with Disney to reach a fair deal for our customers.” So will you, or won’t you, loose your Disney Media Networks lineup if you’re a Verizon customer? The answer isn’t clear—yet.

https://twitter.com/Mrs_Veissy26/status/1078460974951264256

Along with the email to their customers, Verizon also posted an update on their website regarding the company’s negotiations with Disney. The statement reads in part:

“As you may know, we must periodically renew our agreements with TV content providers to be able to provide you with the programming available on Fios TV. Despite what you may be hearing from Disney, we have been negotiating a renewal agreement to keep their networks, which include those from Disney and ESPN, as well as ABC affiliates in Philadelphia and New York, in our lineup.”

Yep, that’s right. This potential channel loss won’t just affect channels that start with the name “Disney.” Disney’s Fios channels also include ESPN and some local ABC stations. If the two media giants can’t come to an agreement by 5 p.m, Eastern on Dec. 31, 2018, the contract will expire. And yes, that means you may lose some of your fave TV viewing. We’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, here’s what’s coming to Netflix for kids in January, along with our list of free, full-length movies your kids can watch on YouTube—just in case.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Mojzagrebinfo via Pixabay

 

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Do you share your online accounts with others? If so, you’re not alone. With so many different streaming service platforms it can be tempting to share access with family and friends to cut down on costs, but is sharing online streaming accounts really safe?

According to a new study by Country Financial, three our of four Americans share their streaming service accounts, like Netflix, Hulu and Spotify, or other online or mobile app accounts, including Amazon Prime and Uber. Entertainment services were the most widely shared with at least one other person, while younger adults were most likely to use shared services.

Photo: John Schnobrich via Unsplash

Disney is getting ready to jump into the world of streaming services next year, joining an already crowded pool of offerings including Netflix, Amazon and Hulu—which means adding yet another subscription fee to your budget. To avoid paying to watch your kids’ favorite shows, you might consider sharing an account with other family members, but is that the best idea?

On the upside sharing an account, can save you more than you might think. According to a separate survey by Waterstone Management Group, 84 percent of consumers underestimate what they spend on monthly expenses. On average people estimated that they spend $111 per month on subscription services, but the actual average is $237. Sharing accounts could significantly cut down on those costs.

Photo: Charles DeLuvio via Unsplash

The downside to sharing, however, is safety. Along with sharing an account, comes sharing passwords, which might not seem like a big deal to do with family and close friends…but what if they decide to share the love even more and give access to others? Then your password, which you likely use for other secure accounts, isn’t exactly secure anymore.

Not to mention the fact that sharing likely violates the Terms of Service agreement, a.k.a. all that fine print that you scrolled through without reading. If you’re caught, there’s a good chance you’ll lose all access to your online account. While sharing is clearly common practice, it’s important to take safety precautions.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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