We’re all aware of the societal pressures around body image. You might be surprised to hear, however, that even accomplished women athletes struggle: A survey of Division I student-athletes by ESPNW found that 68% of women athletes said they felt pressured to be pretty and 30% reported a fear of being “too muscular.”

Being small and beauty-obsessed is still the pervasive societal norm for anyone who’s not a boy. In fact, according to one survey of 1,000 participants, the ideal woman would stand about 5’5” and boast a 26-inch waist—about one-third less than the average woman’s waist size of nearly 38 inches.

That’s why Disney’s “Encanto” has such an important message for girls and non-binary children. While society still tells anyone who’s not a boy that being “too muscular” is a problem, “Encanto” presents Luisa’s strength as a gift that her physique reflects. She’s normalized, not portrayed as some oddity. Her strength allows her to contribute to her family and community in unique ways.

Why the World Needs More Luisas

It’s high time for children to see more of those representations because as long as current societal ideals about body image reign, girls and non-binary kids will continue losing confidence and missing out on important opportunities.

Building strength and embracing an athletic identity by participating in sports, for example, can help children build self-esteem along with leadership and communication skills. A 2020 study even found that 95% of women in the C-suite are current or former athletes. Yet girls drop out of sports two-to-three times more often than boys due largely to pressures to appear “feminine” instead of building the muscles and strength they need for success in athletics.

As the ESPNW study shows, these feelings persist even for those who stick with athletics until adulthood. Just one comment shaming girls for any portion of their physique can discourage them, and those comments are all too common. Even Olympian Simone Biles grew up being shamed for her body, covering up her muscular arms because other kids made fun of them.

And social media only exacerbates the issue. The endless feedback loop from likes and comments leads to new levels of self-doubt and body anxiety. It’s no wonder that 66% of teen girls on Instagram reported experiencing negative social comparison.

How to Encourage Your Daughters to Take up Space

No child or adult should get trapped into feeling inadequate because they’re strong or have unique physical gifts like well-defined quads or prominent biceps. And while parents of daughters and non-binary children might not be able to reshape the societal narrative entirely, they can help their children see encouraging representation and have positive experiences throughout their most formative years.

So how can you encourage your children to be more like Luisa and get comfortable taking up space?

1. Become a cheerleader for strong female characters.

Toy manufacturers have quite a bit of sway in how kids see the world. If the only doll a child ever sees is waif-thin, she may idolize and normalize an impossible-to-attain shape. Consider introducing your children to characters and toys that represent a more comprehensive range of sizes instead.

You don’t have to make a big deal about how a toy looks, either. Focus instead on the character’s internal or physical attributes. Remember: Luisa’s strength is framed as a non-issue from a stereotypical perspective. The drama lives separate from her muscularity.

2. Present kids with regular physical challenges.

In the U.S., just over one-third of teens participate in multiple sports. But engaging in many types of physical challenges can be mentally and physiologically beneficial. Not every child will be athletically inclined, but parents can present them with multiple options for physical activities to help them find their niche.

For example, have your child participate in one team sport every season or every other season. If no team sports seem to stick, look for opportunities for your children to challenge themselves, like swimming or rock climbing. The important thing is to help children find pride and value in what their bodies can do rather than how they appear. It’s no coincidence that girls who participate in sporting events tend to possess stronger self-esteem and are 16% less apt to stress about the way they look.

3. Emphasize women’s health and ability in your household.

What could be a better way to help your child feel good about being strong than to have conversations around sport-specific training, nutrition, and mental fitness?

Watch women athletes and talk about their careers. For example, Fiao’o Fa’amausili, former rugby player and New Zealand Black Ferns captain and the first woman to be named the Auckland Rugby Union president, follows a fitting acronym through all her endeavors. STRONG stands for “sharing the load, trusting your team, respecting your players, thinking about others first, allowing no negativity, and being a good communicator and a great listener.”

Other influential women in sports—like Naomi Osaka, entrepreneur and four-time Grand Slam singles champion, or Megan Rapinoe, captain of the United States National Team—can serve as excellent role models. Another is Mikaela Shiffrin, the American alpine skier who openly spoke about mental health as health during the 2022 Winter Olympics. The list of body-positivity heroes, coaches, and mentors goes on and on.

If you’re parenting older teens, consider discussing incidents of sexism in sports, such as when a FIFA commentator verbally dismissed the skills of a female linesman because of her gender. You might also recommend your child join social media groups that celebrate female sports role models for their work ethics, not their style or fashion. Be sure the visuals, video, and media they consume will reinforce the message you want to send.

Ultimately, you can influence how your kids feel when they look in the mirror. Teach them that, like Luisa, they never need to hold back. Superpowers can come in all forms—including harnessing the athletic identity to be strong, look strong, and smash their personal best on the field.

Pam Kosanke is Sport Bigs’ visionary, a multi-sport Team USA member, and a 6x competitor in softball, rugby, and long-distance aquabike world championships. Today, she partners with the world’s best athletes to help every child learn about hard work and the relentless pursuit of their dreams with Sport Bigs.

The best thing about podcasts? You can listen to them anytime, anywhere, whether you’re washing dishes, cleaning out the fridge, or watching that episode of Peppa Pig with your toddler for the 1,000th time. 

Forget the Golden Age of Radio. We’re living in the Golden Age of Podcasts. And how would we survive without them? If you’re looking for another way to pass the time while pumping or to make a long drive a little more digestible, add these parent-focused podcasts hosted by Chicago moms and dads to your library STAT. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CY8AuOpjvsI/?hidecaption=true

The Modern Mom Collective with Kate Mohan

Short but sweet episodes on Real-life topics, tools + conversation empowering ambitious Moms in their careers hosted by Chicago Mom and Marketing Executive Kate Mohan. Check out her episodes on Working Mom Must-Haves and Top Time Management Tips for Moms.

Instagram: @themodernmomcollective

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

Carmelita Tiu is a Chicagoland mom raising daughters and knows firsthand how hard it is to raise a daughter and juggle life's other demands — health, career, relationships, finances, etc. Her insightful podcast, Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them, is a must-listen for parents of teens and tweens, thanks to short but info-packed episodes (under 20 minutes) that tackle topics like boundaries, self-care, confidence, tween/teen girl friendships, peer pressure, consent/dating, body image, gender stereotypes, stress and more.

Instagram: @knowberaisethem

https://www.instagram.com/p/CSm-kwyAjqH/?hidecaption=true

Thirsty: The Podcast

A global pandemic seemed like the perfect time to re-enter the dating pool for Chicagoland moms Laura Koo and Heather McG, the hosts of Thirsty. These two single moms are navigating today's swipe-a-holic dating culture and sharing the deets in their fun podcast, answering important questions such as How do you laugh at yourself after going on trainwreck dates that you probably should have avoided?

Instagram: @thirstythepodcast

Zen Parenting Radio

Todd Adams, a self-described 'logical and practical dad' and Cathy Cassani Adams, a 'spiritual and emotional mom,' are the Chicagoland-based parents to three daughters. They also host Zen Parenting Radio, a podcast packed with enlightening discussions on self-awareness, reminding parents everywhere to be ever more mindful, self-aware, and compassionate in how we parent our kids.

Instagram: @zenparentingradio

Dadwell

Struggling to strike a balance between parenthood and your creative life? Antonio García is a Chicago-based design leader and host of the Dadwell podcast. Every episode explores a different dad's creative practice, fathering philosophy, and practical tips for navigating parenthood and life.

Instagram: @dadwell

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9FfGGMBJZM/?hidecaption=true

On Purpose: The Heidi Stevens And Dr. John Duffy Podcast

Balancing Act columnist Heidi Stevens, a Chicago mom of two and popular local columnist, and family therapist John Duffy discuss the news and topics that impact our parenting, marriages, and friendships in this weekly podcast. Recent topics include the growing tendency for young adults to retreat into video games, changing views about relationships and marriage amongst youngsters and essential conversations to have with your teen or tween before they start high school

Instagram: @heidikstevens & @drjohnduffy

— Amy Bizzarri

Featured photo: StockSnap via Pixabay 

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Etsy is full of Black-owned shops with passionate artisans who are creating handmade dolls, jewelry and more, and we think you’ll love what they are offering. Whether you are looking for the perfect birthday or housewarming gift, or something to cheer up your home, these shops are full of great handmade crafts. Shop your favorite below!

MyPrettyBrownDoll

Etsy

We love this shop that offers beautiful dolls hand crocheted with natural hair inspired hairstyles. You can purchase the pattern to make one yourself, or reach out to the shop owner about having a custom doll made. 

Shop here

AfrocentricArts

Etsy

Get ready to inspire your kids with this unique coloring book that features all types of people and promotes urban gardening, women in technology, science, healthy eating, positive body image, Black history, kindness to animals, physical fitness, love, literacy and so much more!

Shop here

MyAnkaraLove

Etsy

Stunning African prints are used to make one-of-a-kind lampshades, pillows and throw blankets. There are even some fun bangles for all the jewelry lovers out there. 

Shop here

ItsTaylorMadeDesigns

Give your personal space a refresh with these fun and relatable printable quotes. Whether you want to brighten up your office space or decorate throughout the home, these digital delights are an excellent choice. This shop also offers fun motivational tees and sweatshirts. 

Shop here

GreatThingsbyJessie

Etsy

This shop sells folk, cultural and abstract paintings like this Practice Makes Perfect poster that would be perfect for your playroom.

Shop here

WashingtonCuts

Etsy

We love the positive message of this papercraft artwork and especially love the option to personalize it with a silhouette of your own child

Shop here

NaturalAnniEssential

Etsy

Not only does this hand-poured soy candle smell great, but proceeds from its sale goes to support the Black Lives Matter movement. In June 2020 alone, this Black woman-owned Etsy shop donated over $6,000 to the movement! 

Shop here

SmallBitesAfrica

Etsy

Have you ever wanted to try African love and affection in a box? Try this African sampler box that includes plantain chips, chin chin (achomo), flour chips, peanut brittle (nkate cake), traditional pound cake and other Ghanaian Treats (surprise!). 

Shop here

CathyCIllustrations

Etsy

We love this print by artist Cathy Charles that's available in a number of different sizes ready to hang in your home. Her shop is full of other colorful art depicting Black women. 

Shop here

AKomFashions

Etsy

Headpieces with earrings to match are the name of the game at this shop that features African print fusion fashion. 

Shop here

LOViEBeans

Etsy

Artist Ginger Galloway creates these adorable dolls that are soft and perfect for carrying around town. 

Shop here

linguaNigra

Etsy

Started in 2003, Lingua Nigra features handmade jewelry including hand reticulated brass, etched sterling silver, and blossom-like jewelry. 

Shop here

ArtByElliott

Vibrant watercolor prints by Atlanta artist Elliott Hubbard feature families, music and jazz themes. 

Shop here

—Kate Loweth

 

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My entire life, I have struggled with my body image and my own self-worth. A girl with a pretty face, but whose body never seemed to match the face. A tummy that always stuck out.  Love handles that were always there. My brother, teasingly, because that’s what brothers do, patting my belly at 15 and saying, “Is it a boy or girl?” I would analyze every angle of myself just wishing I could wave a magic wand and look like my friends strutting around the beach in bikinis, whereas I had to wear a tankini to hide the fat.

As a child, my mother always had the house looking like something out of a magazine. Everything was meticulous. She would refresh her lipstick throughout the day and had hair that was always perfectly in place. My mother, in her size four attire, took pride in her appearance, and exercised regularly. There was nothing wrong with the way she took care of our house and her appearance. I was and still am proud of the woman who raised me. The problem was, even as a child, I constantly compared myself to her. I wasn’t as naturally slight as her, I didn’t have her vivacious personality. I was quiet, chubby, and bookish.

This pessimistic, self-doubting attitude followed me into college. Partying too much, and eating too many carbs, I gained the traditional freshman 15- or in my case 20. But instead of focusing on healthy eating and exercising, I began going through periods where I would skip meals and when I did eat, I would throw up afterward. This was the start of a tumultuous relationship with food and myself. I didn’t think I was worthy of a positive relationship so I dated men who didn’t value me. Men who only saw me as a “hookup” or someone to call when they were drinking.

Thankfully, after college, I discovered running. It was such a great stress reliever and gave me the positive endorphins that I had been missing. Between running, and an excessive amount of Vitamin D from moving to San Diego I was happy and started to see myself in a positive light. I met this wonderful man, who is now my husband of eleven years, and he sees the light in me even on my darkest days.

I wish I could say that by meeting Greg all my insecurities went out the window. They didn’t because I’d never really dealt with the issues at hand. I saw myself in this negative space that made me feel I wasn’t good enough. That when I look in the mirror, I probably see someone who is 50 lbs. heavier than I actually am. That I hate having my picture taken, and when I do have to be in a photo, I cringe when I see a photo because I can’t believe I could look like that.

I now have an almost eleven-year-old and six-year-old. I also have a thyroid problem. I know that I am chronically stressed and my hormones are out of whack. Unfortunately, none of these have been good for my mental health. Many days I still don’t feel great about myself, but there is one thing that has changed—and it is the little people who are looking at me to be their mirror.

I can’t let history repeat itself.  So much of our self-worth comes from what our parents instill in us. As my oldest daughter is on the edge of beginning puberty, I have seen her trying on outfits, and making a face when she thinks she doesn’t look good enough or pinching her tummy. It terrifies me.

I encourage her to make healthy choices (but it is okay to have a treat too). She is even starting to take an interest in cooking, so I have been encouraging her to look up healthy recipes that she would want to eat. She is an anxious kid and we are working on making sure that she moves her body not because it is a rule or something she has to do, but because it puts her in a positive headspace and is calming.

My youngest daughter was eating a cookie one afternoon, and when I asked her if I could have a bite, she replied, “No, because of the calories.”  I asked her what she meant by that and she told me that if I don’t watch my calories, I’ll get a bigger belly and not be pretty. Calories is not something we talk about in our house.

I said to her following the cookie incident, “ Being beautiful doesn’t mean you are skinny. God makes people in lots of different ways. Besides don’t you think what matters most is that you are a good, kind person, and always try your best?” By that point, she had lost interest in the conversation and went back to playing with her Shopkins, but I hope the point was not lost. Here was this six-year-old bringing up calories—she saw me in the same negative light I had seen myself in for two decades. I cannot change my past perception of myself, but I can change the image of myself that I present to my daughters and our society’s interpretation of what beauty is.

At 38 years old, every once in a while that same teenage girl full of so much self-loathing tries to take over. With effort, I focus on my good qualities. My writing, my sarcastic sense of humor, my blue eyes, and curly hair. And there are days when the cycle wants to repeat itself, but those incredible little people who I get the privilege of raising, deserve more than that. So, I tell that girl, the sullen girl to get out of the mirror so I can help pave the way and set an example for these strong, talented, and beautiful girls that I get to call mine.

 

Hello!

I am a mom to two smart, audacious, and beautiful  little girls (10, 6) .  I am a fiction writer, and almost through my first draft of my novel.  When I'm not reading, or writing fiction I freelance copywrite and teach middle school English. 

It’s no surprise that we’re spending more time than ever in front of a screen. Children spend an average of up to six hours a day in front of a screen, and teens spend up to 9 hours! “Where in the world did they pick up these toxic habits?” I ask myself, looking up from my screen.

Today, you can’t avoid screens completely. But internet dependence is a growing problem for kids and adults around the world. Because your brain continues to develop until you’re around 25 years old, children and teens are more at risk of developing an addiction to tech. I don’t think anyone parent wants to sit next to their tween at a Tech-aholic Anonymous meeting—is there such a thing?

It’s more important than ever to raise your child with a healthy relationship with technology. To be honest, limiting screens is something that would benefit even us adults. 

Signs Your Kid Needs a Digital Detox

Technology addiction is a real medical concern. Much like you can become addicted to smoking, you can get addicted to being in front of a screen. With social media apps like Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok generating literally thousands of videos and posts per minute and draining time from your child’s life, a digital detox may be needed.  

Having too much screen time can show up in your child in a lot of different ways: 

  • Weight gain or weight loss

  • Irritability and increased aggression

  • Impulsive behavior

  • Mood swings

  • Low grades in school

  • Issues falling and staying asleep

  • Poor body image

  • Social issues such as difficulty communicating face-to-face

Researchers are unsure whether these behavioral problems cause screen addiction, or if children with behavioral problems simply gravitate towards electronics. Either way, too much screen time can harm your child’s cognitive and social development. 

How to Limit Screen Time

1. Set Screen Time Expectations. The first thing you need to do before giving your child screen access is to set expectations and rules on how to use it. Giving your child freedom as they grow is an important part of development. But you also need to be their protector and limit access to things that could harm them until they’re old enough to make decisions themselves. 

For younger children, your tech rules could focus on how many minutes of screen time per day they can have. And consequences could be losing screen time or the device for a day. Since older children will have more freedom, the rules will be a bit different. Discuss expectations about what types of sites to stay away from, why they should keep their device in a public space, and what time in the evening they should put screens away.

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, screen time is up in many homes. With more schools switching to a virtual classroom, children are stuck at home in front of a screen the majority of the day. That screen time adds up quickly. Make sure you stress the importance of time away from screens whenever possible.

2. Use Tech to Fight Tech. It’s not just you—parents all over the world are struggling to get their children off of screens. Thankfully, most cell phones now have parental control features to limit screen time and control what apps your child can access. App stores have lots of options you can download that will get your child to finally look up from their screens. The Activate Fitness app will only let kids unlock games after reaching an activity goal like doing jumping jacks or running up a flight of stairs. Qustodio can track your child’s location and screen unwanted internet content like pornography. A simple search for parental control apps will show just how easy it can be to limit your child’s tech time. 

3. Go Outside. One of the easiest ways to get your kid off their phone is to take them outside! Whether you’re going on a bike ride in your neighborhood or on a hike in the mountains, your kids will be forced to be off their devices. The lack of cell service and WiFi in the mountains also helps limit their screen time. Make sure you’re abiding by safe social distancing guidelines because of COVID-19 concerns. This means staying at least six feet away from hikers whenever possible, choosing a trail close to home, and wearing a face mask when near other hikers. 

4. Create Screen-Free Zones. Just like many adults like to keep their bedroom a T.V.-free area, creating screen-free zones around your home can help limit your child’s screen time. Areas like bedrooms, the kitchen table, and the car are great screen-free zones. Removing screens from bedrooms will also help them get more sleep, have better quality sleep, and prevent mental health problems such as depression. Mealtimes and car rides are a great way to connect as a family. It’s important to have these family bonding moments, and time away from devices can give your child’s brain a much-needed rest!

Remember that children learn from their parents. If you set a good example and follow similar screen time limits, your child will be more likely to follow your lead. 

5. Be Consistent in Enforcing Your Rules. Don’t let your child wear you down when it comes to enforcing your screen time rules. If you give in to their begging, it shows them that rules don’t matter and they can eventually get anything they want! Make sure that all adults in the house are on the same page in what the screen time rules are. 

Remember: your child is essentially a tech addict! Withdrawal symptoms like anger, pouting, or crying can happen when you start limiting their screen time. You know what’s best for your child—and that can mean you will make decisions they don’t like. But it’s important for their development that you stick to your guns.

Natasha is an avid writer, storyteller, and dog-lover. Her work has carried her from the bustle of New York at Inc. Magazine to the Santa Fe deserts at Outside Magazine. She enjoys writing about family-focused and community-centered stories.

“Being a teenager is so easy,” said no one ever. The tween and teen years can be difficult, as kids face topics and social situations that can dramatically affect their outlook and self-esteem. As parents, we strive to help our kids be the best they can be, but it’s a brave new world out there and finding but positive outside influences to help kids cope and comprehend isn’t always easy either.

Enter Melissa Hart’s Better with Books: 500 Diverse Books to Ignite Empathy and Encourage Self-Acceptance in Tweens and Teens. This is not just a list of great titles every kid should read (although we do think every kid should read all of these, and every grown up for that matter). Hart has carefully read and evaluated hundreds of books—500 to be exact—and chosen them as recommended reading for tweens and teens, categorized by important topics modern kids face.

Chapter topics include homelessness, immigration, adoption, body image, race, gender identity, mental health and more. Each chapter includes a thoughtful, personal essay from the author on why this topic was important to her to address.

Inspired by her experience with eh own daughter, Hart says:

“I really owe this one to my daughter, now in sixth grade. In her early years of grammar school, she struggled with anxiety related to loss and neglect—issues common to children adopted from the foster care system, and, in many cases, from international adoption situations. […] My daughter and I found, in studying a literary novel each month over two years, that our compassion for marginalized people and animals increased. As exciting, my child—who had struggled with severe anxiety and depression—began to develop a great deal of empathy for herself.”

If you’re looking to diversify your books at home, school or your local library, Melissa Hart just gave you marching orders. It’s up to you to fulfill them.

Find it here $11.79

Learn more at melissahart.com

—Amber Guetebier

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Images are so powerful as they can inspire us to imagine potential. This is why my presentations include a plethora of pictures. I show audiences all kinds of girls: different ages, ethnicities and expressions—so they can embrace the message that girls are unique—beautiful, valuable and enough—just as they are, no changes required.

Girls at younger and younger ages watch us; and they emulate what they see. They are learning to poke and prod their bodies and focus on their perceived flaws. When girls are little, they love themselves so much—they feel beautiful, normal, healthy, whole and more than enough. They embrace their chubby thighs, tiny fingers and toes and rounded tummies. Why? Because they have yet to be taught any other way. They are just so happy and excited to explore what’s around them and feel loved. It’s heart-breaking the day we see her look in the mirror and tell her beautiful body that she is “too fat.”

How do we—who have been trained by body negative cultural messaging—teach girls to be body positive? How do we compete with the messages she sees every day showing her unrealistic and unhealthy body standards? It may seem like an impossible task. I have worked with girls a long time and I know they want to feel good about their bodies but they don’t always know how. Here are some ideas to get started on guiding her towards body appreciation, starting with you.

Teach body confidence.

Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist and in her 2012 TED Talk, “Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are”, she asserts that high power poses – open and expansive, tall, head up and chin out, shoulders back—looking strong and poised, affect our thoughts, feeling and physiology. This is not just about posing like a super hero but feeling like one too while influencing body chemistry—lowering cortisol (the stress hormone) and raising testosterone (the dominance hormone).

Together, you and your daughter can practice standing like super heroes for only two minutes—to create self-belief and that “I can do anything” feeling! Try this before she has a test or presentation or perhaps a difficult conversation with a friend, so she can feel assertive, confident and brave enough to take a risk. As Cuddy says, “Fake it ‘til you become it.”

Focus on feeling, not appearance.

We all do it as an easy way to connect. We compliment what she looks like: her outfit, her hair and her choice of accessories. As we highlight the superficial, she learns this to be her true value. In other words she internalizes that what she looks like matters most and she may feel your love is contingent on her appearance.

Instead of complimenting her outer beauty, try complimenting her competence. “I see how hard you are working—I love your grit and determination”. This way, she learns to embody her core qualities: her power over her prettiness. When she asks you, “How do I look”, you can ask her, “How do you feel?” And when she’s with her friends, remind her to focus on their personality, not their attire. She could have great influence in her peer group as she shows them how to choose meaningful compliments over the social norm of criticism.

Help her choose connection, over disconnection.

When something, anything really, goes wrong in our lives, it’s easy to turn on our bodies. Our bodies are accessible and all too easy to become the target of our hyper-focus. Girls may think, “If I look sexy, then I’ll get more followers on Instagram and then I’ll feel good about myself!” The trap of this logic is that turning on our bodies—not accepting what we look like, is disconnection, and may leave us feeling alone and lonely.

Talk to her about connecting, especially on days she feels stressed, tired and not so good about herself. Connection is self care and she can show herself the love and self-compassion she needs to be the healthiest version of herself by drinking enough water, eating whole and healthy foods, getting adequate sleep, moving her body to generate those feel good hormones and avoiding her social media accounts (at least for a minute!). Remember, the relationship she has with herself needs nurture to grow and we can remind her how it’s done.

Limit mirror time.

We don’t want her clothes to be worn inside out and backwards, nor do we want her to leave the house with toothpaste smeared across her face. She needs the mirror. Yet, she doesn’t need to be trapped in the mirror or get into the habit of body shaming. She should not waste her time looking for flaws or honing in on body parts she’s learned are “imperfect.”

When she is looking in the mirror, help her focus on the body parts she loves. “I love the way my legs are long and athletic.” And then, encourage her to do other things: there is so much more than body image. She can play outside, create a craft, bake, cook, do a science experiment, create a collage of photos, or play a sport. She can do it all, no perfect shape or size required. Teach her to care a little less about looking and a little more about living and remember to watch your words when you see your reflection.

Whatever her age or stage, it is never too late to help her love her body, as it’s never too late for you to love yours! She needs to know she is beautiful, valuable, and enough—as are you!

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

The physical and emotional changes that come with puberty can be challenging for tweens, but these books can help. From expert guides filled with detailed biological facts to the funny Wimpy Kid installment in which Greg freaks out about zits, body hair growth, and B.O., these titles address the anxiety and confusion that boys and girls feel at this sensitive time. Don’t miss the “conversation starters” included with every pick to really maximize the benefits of sharing these terrific tomes with kids.

1. The Care and Keeping Of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls: Authored by Valorie Lee Schaefer; Illustrated by Josee Masse; American Girl Publishing, 2012

This comprehensive book is geared toward girls who are nearing—or just beginning—puberty. It covers all the basics of self-care, such as keeping hair clean and tangle-free, using sunscreen, cleaning teeth with braces, coping with acne, pampering blisters, and treating a sprain. This empowering self-care manual is perfectly targeted to young girls who are on the brink of growing up—and trying to figure out how to embrace these major changes with competence and confidence.

Recommended for ages 8 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Families can talk about body image and confidence. Are you happy with the way your body is changing? What messages in this book were most helpful to you?

  • This book gives a lot of attention to girls’ concerns about body image. Do you think there’s an ideal body type? Do you compare yourself to other girls, or models, or actresses

2. Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys: Authored by Dr. Cara Natterson; Illustrated by Micah Player; American Girl Publishing, 2012

This is a head-to-toe guide for boys on how to care for their changing body, from fighting off funky smells to cultivating healthy habits with lifelong benefits. It’s an engaging book for boys to read solo and an excellent ice-breaker for parents who’d like to be more comfortable talking about puberty.

Recommended for ages 8 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Does the casual style here make it easier to read—and hopefully talk—about subjects that might make you feel self-conscious? Is the candid language helpful? Does knowing the facts make some of this less awkward?

  • How do you feel about the way boys’ and men’s bodies are portrayed in movies, on TV, and in magazines?

3. The Period Book: A Girl’s Guide to Growing Up: Authored by Karen Gravelle; Illustrated by Debbie Palen; Bloomsbury USA, 2017

Author Karen Gravelle helps girls and their families grow more comfortable talking about periods, pubic hair, and pimples without blushing in this friendly, compassionate update of her sex-ed book, first published in 1996. It arms girls with the information they need to feel confident and capable through puberty. It’s packed with reassurance and practical advice and well served by informative and entertaining illustrations.

Recommended for ages 8 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Families can talk about the frank language and illustrations in The Period Book. Do they make it easier to discuss menstruation and puberty with your parents or friends?

  • Have you or any of your friends or classmates been involved with sexting—sending nude photos? What happened?

4. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth: Authored and illustrated by Jeff Kinney; Amulet Books, 2010

The fifth book in the incredibly popular Wimpy Kid series features the same clueless, often irresponsible Wimpy Kid, but now he’s about to go through puberty. There’s talk of puberty everywhere—in health class, in Greg’s mom’s column (how embarrassing!), and even with great-grandma, who gives a secret lecture to everyone in the family when they reach that special age.

Recommended for ages 9 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Why do you think kids like Diary of a Wimpy Kid so much? Do kids find it’s easy to laugh at Greg’s antics? Do you think he’ll ever become more responsible? Would the stories be as funny?

  • Can you relate to any of these anecdotes? Where do you think the author gets it right—and where does he get it wrong?

6. What’s Going on Down There? A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up: Authored by Karen Gravelle; Illustrated by Robert Leighton; Bloomsbury Children’s Books, 2017

The sexual landscape has shifted since Karen Gravelle first published this book for boys in 1998, and this welcome revision speaks to current concerns about social media, harassment, and body image. The book has a nonjudgmental tone and includes diagrams of external and internal male and female anatomy, along with straightforward, factual information on sexual activity, sexually transmitted infections, birth control, and more.

Recommended for ages 9 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Families can talk about the explicit detail in What’s Going on Down There? A Boy’s Guide to Growing Up. Does reading this book make it easier to talk about puberty and sex?

  • Do you think this book is appropriate for kids your age?

6. Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret: Authored by Judy Blume; Yearling Books, 1970

Although this was first published in 1970, tweens will find that it still pretty much rings true today as a pretty realistic take on what it’s like to be a sixth-grade girl. Margaret is such a relatable character—she worries about being normal, sometimes says the wrong thing, and even hides her true feelings to be accepted by her friends. Readers will appreciate her honest narration—which will make them feel a whole lot better about that their own anxieties about growing up.

Recommended for ages 10 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Do you think a lot has changed since this book was first published in 1970? Do you feel like you relate to Margaret?

  • Margaret’s friend Nancy spreads gossip about Laura—she says that Laura lets boys feel her up and that even their teacher can’t keep his eyes off her figure. What do you think it’s like to be Laura? Do you think girls who develop early still get targeted in this way?

7. The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls: Authored by Dr. Cara Natterson; Illustrated by Josee Masse; American Girl Publishing, 2013

Puberty will always be both a little exciting and anxiety-provoking, but this easy-to-read guide makes it less mystifying by explaining exactly what’s going on—and how to roll with the changes. Written by pediatrician Cara Natterson, this tome equips girls with the biological information they need to better understand why they’re changing and how to adapt.

Recommended for ages 10 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Families can talk about the biological details in The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls. Does knowing how and why your body is changing make it easier for you to embrace it?

  • Do you feel as if you’re treating your body respectfully? What changes could you make?

8. The Girl Guide: 50 Ways to Learn to Love Your Changing Body: Authored by Marawa Ibrahim; Illustrated by Sinem Erkas; Harper Collins, 2018

Reading The Girl Guide is like hanging out in your fabulous big sister’s bedroom for a candid “ask me anything” session: It’s packed with answers to questions girls may not even think to ask about the ups and downs of growing older. Fifty short chapters take on acne, periods, big butts, hair growth — and hair removal, crushes, staying fit, bras, eating disorders, and more. Author Marawa Ibrahim is fiercely feminist and body-positive: “Say it loud and say it proud: Vagina, vagina, vagina” prefaces a two-page illustration of vaginas fashioned out of cut paper.

Recommended for ages 10 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • How do you feel about the candid tone of this book? How does it compare with more straightforward books on puberty?

  • Do you have questions about your body or your emotional health that this book didn’t help you with? If so, ask a trusted adult for information or advice.

9. It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health: Authored by Robie H. Harris; Illustrated by Michael Emberley; Candlewick Press, 2014

The 20th-anniversary edition of It’s Perfectly Normal is an unflinching and fully illustrated guide to sexual health for girls and boys that presents sexual activity as enjoyable but requiring mature, careful decision-making. It supports postponing and abstaining from sex but also provides information on contraception and abortion. It aims to arm kids with the knowledge to make informed, thoughtful decisions about their sexual behavior and relationships, and it does so with a frankness that some families will find refreshing while others may feel it’s inappropriate.

Recommended for ages 12 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Families can talk about why people often are uncomfortable talking about sex and whether It’s Perfectly Normal makes it easier. Are you more comfortable talking about sex with your family, or do you prefer learning from books like this?

  • Have you come across sexual content online or in talking with friends that are upsetting or confusing?

10. Girling Up: How to Be Strong, Smart and Spectacular: Authored by Mayim Bialik; Philomel, 2017

This fantastic book uses biology and neuroscience to answer questions many tweens and teens have about how their brains, bodies, and emotions change during puberty. Actress and author Mayim Bialik puts her Ph.D. in neuroscience to good use as she explains in detail, with anatomical illustrations, the hows and whys of puberty, from body image, coping with stress, nutrition, and school to hormones, dating, sex, and more.

Recommended for ages 12 and older.

Conversation starters:

  • Families can talk about how knowledge is power in Girling Up. Did you learn anything surprising? How will what you’ve learned help you as you grow into adulthood?

  • Why do you think a successful actress like Mayim writes books, too? Do you think she’s genuinely passionate about “girling up”? What about financial rewards?

Common Sense Media
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Common Sense Media is an independent nonprofit organization offering unbiased ratings and trusted advice to help families make smart media and technology choices. Check out our ratings and recommendations at www.commonsense.org.