Did you know podcasts, originally dubbed “audioblogging” have been around since the ’80s? But, it wasn’t until portable digital devices became the norm, circa 2004, that they truly began to pick up steam. Flash forward to today—and podcasts are pretty much everyone’s favorite source of news, entertainment, and brainfood. The uber-popular medium is especially appealing to busy parents with demanding schedules (and no free hands!). We’re highlighting San Diego podcasts by local parents that are worth a listen. Read on for the details.
You may know her from her wildly popular insta-account or have seen her boss baby doing his thing (we've never seen anything cuter!). But, did you know Danielle Schaffer, mom of four kids and three pups also hosts a fabulous podcast called, The Mom Confidential? Every week Danielle and her co-host Dr. Flossy (AKA her husband) deep dive into stories, interviews and inspirational words from some of the most influential women and names in the business. Hear all the truths about motherhood and family, from parenting basics from mom and dad to celebrity anecdotes. The dynamic duo doesn't shy away from tough topics, a.k.a why spouses cheat, so get ready for a juicy and entertaining listen.
The Sure, Babe podcast is all about relationships, accepting who you are, and living the life you're meant to live. We can get on board with that! Chrissy Powers is a blogger and podcaster with a highly successful instagram platform but she's also a licensed marriage and family therapist and creative career coach. The wife and mother of three shares honest stories about motherhood, mental health, relationships, travel, style, and life in Southern California. On the podcast you’ll hear everything – the good, the bad, the embarrassing, and even the taboo––because she believes it's all got to be talked about.
Jenn Kolinski and Natasha Tharp, two working moms from San Diego, talk honestly about all the challenges and joys of life. Listening to their podcast feels like sitting down with two girlfriends over a glass of wine (their weekly episode also features a wine of the week, by the way!) They honestly discuss everything from "capsule wardrobes" to "how not to lose it,' and each episode offers something interesting, relatable and of-the-moment to think about. Girlfriends and podcasts, FTW.
If you want a laugh out loud moment (or a dozen) download the They See Me Mommin' podcast today. The duo that host the podcast are both mothers: 1 mum, 1 mom. Now living in Southern California, they refer to themselves as transplants from either side of the pond. They both love comedy, family life and Harry Potter. They certainly inject enough material in between laughs that will make you think and listen closer. It's the perfect combo of serious and sweet and a great listen for any moms everywhere.
A bit different than the other podcasts we've highlighted, but one that's certainly worthy of being on the list is The High Conflict Co-Parenting podcast. Hosted by Brook Olsen, a Certified Parenting Educator with the International Network for Children and Families, a Certified Divorce Mediator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict, this San Diego based podcast addresses co-parenting when circumstances are difficult. He and his guests show that you can't change your ex partner, but you can change the environment and offer your child health and happiness. Listen and learn principles, tools and techniques available in order to create peace in high conflict co-parenting relationships.
If you want a podcast that's entertaining for both you and your little one, we have a list of those too. Start with Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls. The inspiring books on powerful women have released season three in audio form. Listeners can learn about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Priscilla Chan, Celia Cruz and the Mirabel Sisters and many more over the course of the last few seasons. But don't stop there, check out our full list of family podcasts to download today. They're diverse, exciting and interesting for all ages.
Our series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing a virtual school year with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.
Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.
I Have to Say, I’m Not Minding the Remote-Learning Setup for My Family
Name and occupation: Maria Chambers, Editor for Red Tricycle Chicago and Co-Owner of Washington Street Markets My partner’s occupation: Co-parenting with my ex-husband who is a business consultant City: Naperville, IL (a western suburb of Chicago) Grades my kids are in: Sons are in 11th and 9th, a daughter in 8th and a son who graduated college in 2019 School set-up in 2020: Our school resumed on Sep. 1 with a remote learning setup for a minimum of 12 weeks, at which point it will be reevaluated. Once it is deemed safe for in-person learning to resume, they will be on a hybrid schedule. Kids are broken into two groups by alphabet. Kids with names that start with A-L will go on Tues. and Thurs., and every other Mon. Kids with names starting with M-Z will go Wed. and Fri., and every other Mon. When kids do return, they will need to wear masks and strict guidelines are in place for the number of kids who can be in any given location at a time.
This first day of school in 2020 definitely felt a bit anti-climactic, without the frenzy of transitioning from summer to school mode, taking pictures the kids don’t want taken and the silence of an empty house once they would normally go on their way, hauling overstuffed backpacks hunched over like mules.
Funny enough, the stress over first-day outfit choices was still in the mix. Well, at least for my daughter. The boys, not so much. Thankfully the eyeglasses she ordered last-minute, that she doesn’t actually need for seeing, arrived a day early so she was able to dial into her first Zoom call spectacled and stylish. I like to tease about her desperate wish to wear glasses and frustration that her vision is perfect, but I do agree the blue light glasses weren’t a bad purchase with how much screen time she’ll have this year. See the ones she ordered here, if you’re interested for your kids (or you!).
Morning: My Kids Are Pretty Self-Sufficient, and I’m Not Mad About It
Let me just preface this by saying, I know how lucky I am to have older kids in these weird days of schooling during COVID. I have mad respect for moms and dads who have elementary-aged kids and younger or kids of any age who have special learning needs or haven’t acclimated to this new setup. Those of us on cruise control look at what you’re doing and give major applause. For real.
My boys have to be logged on to their first-period Zoom call at 7:45 a.m. and my daughter logs on at 8 a.m. When my alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m., I wake all three so they can ease into their day. This may seem like ample time to get ready, but my 9th-grade son has one speed and it’s turtle. He’s developed a specific morning ritual which he needs to go through in a certain order that involves YouTubing while showering, cuddle time with our menagerie of pets and slow-as-molasses breakfast-eating. He feels this sets him up for a successful, stress-free day and I don’t even try to question or mess with it.
As soon as I wake on Mondays, I hit up our local bakery, D’Etta’s, for an Almond Braid or their massive Cinnamon Rolls that can feed a whole family. The Almond Braid lasts for days and it’s a hit with everyone. My daughter likes to keep Costco acai bowls (from the freezer section) onhand and I purchase their breakfast burritos from the refrigerated section for an alternative if the kids are feeling savory over sweet. Also, if you haven’t tried Costco’s Cinnamon Bread from their bakery section, you don’t even know what you’re missing. So good!
This summer, each of my kids got to pick a YETI and find their own bling on RedBubble. I don’t know why, but this made them extremely happy, they are obsessed. Another thing I don’t question. These get filled, by them, every morning and they stay cold and iced all day, into the evening. I’m convinced they’re made of a mix of magic and voodoo.
While my kids get ready, I do a quick check of my work email and then head for a walk that always involves an order-ahead coffee from Sparrow (Oat Milk Vanilla Latte, in case you’re ever looking to get me something special) and usually a pitstop to sit quietly with nature along Naperville’s riverwalk.
Morning School and Work: Personal Space Is a Happy Thing
Each of my kids has their own room with a workspace and I work from the dining room table. Up until this past January, my 11th-grade and 9th-grade boys were still sharing a room. I did a quick rough finish of my basement and moved my 24-year-old’s room down there (because who doesn’t love a classic cliche) and moved my 9th grader into his old space. This was a pre-COVID decision that ended up being a home run for what happened just a few months later.
A few years ago, our school district went to a 1:1 technology model and issued all kids 2nd grade and above Chrome books (K-1 received iPads). This decision made rolling out remote learning much easier and ensured equitability. All three of my kids have district-issued laptops and receive IT support, as well.
The kids are on Zoom calls with their teacher the first half of every class for synchronous learning and are asynchronous the second half. This gives them time to work independently on any assignments or participate in breakout groups with classmates.
Mid-Morning Routine: Lots of Snacking Happening
With me working from the dining room table, I see lots of mid-morning trips to the refrigerator happening. Every Monday I make a trip to Costco to stock up on fruit, so strawberries, blueberries, bananas, apples and nectarines are readily available at all times as a healthy option. Sometimes they pick that option and sometimes they are looking for something salty. On my Costco trip, I get a box of mixed, snack-sized chips and they each can grab one of those at some point in the day. I also keep pretzels, nuts and healthy-ish granola bars stocked.
Lunch: Being Prepared Is Key
The kids all have slightly different lunchtimes, so a group lunch isn’t really an option. In order to keep my workday from being interrupted too much, I keep the refrigerator/freezer stocked with easy-prep options they can do on their own like sandwich-making materials and one-step meals. For my 11th grader, I keep mozzarella balls, basil and cherry tomatoes and he whips together a Caprese Salad or his favorite is micro Frontera Chicken Fajita Bowls from the freezer section of Costco (I swear Costco isn’t paying me). My daughter and 9th grade son love chicken mini tacos, also from Costco’s freezer section, and eat those pretty much every day.
There are several options for meal delivery that include prepared lunches for kids in Chicago, if you find yourself struggling to get creative, keep things stocked or just want to outsource that chore give one of those a try!
My kids are lucky they live in a neighborhood where their school friends are close by. We have a large open grassy area across the street from our house, so my daughter will schedule lunchtime meetups with friends for picnics. This is a nice way for her to break up the day and an excellent way to keep in-person socialization a part of her day, which is extremely important to her.
Afternoon: So Close to the Finish Line
Our afternoons are pretty easy-breezy. Once lunch happens, each of my kids only has two classes remaining. For my 11th grader, this means gym class, which has become my absolute favorite time of day. He begrudgingly ends up in the front yard doing some insane looking task that he needs one of us to film. And, we all get a good laugh (and so do neighbors and cars randomly driving by the house).
Right now, my only kid who’s doing an organized sport is my 9th grader. His high school has Cross Country, so he either rides his bike or I drive him to his 3:30-5:30 p.m. practice. He arrives with a mask on, gets his temperature checked upon arrival and they break the kids down into small groups.
My daughter typically does every sport she possibly can, but her middle school has postponed these activities and we opted out of travel soccer this year with the uncertainty. It seemed like a lot of money to pay, not knowing what the format would look like.
My 11th grader would usually do Cross Country, but he’s personally restricting his activity and staying home as much as possible.
Evening: Extremely Low-Key and Unstructured
We don’t really have a set routine for the evening hours. I let the kids kinda do their thing and unwind. I’ve noticed with the kids still getting used to the school schedule, this a lot of times means a nap for the 8th and 11th grader, while the 9th grader is at Cross Country.
I’ve been getting weekly HelloFresh deliveries for the last two years and kept this up through quarantine. This helps remove a to-do from my list and limits the amount of shopping I need to do throughout the week. I’m a huge fan of their service. I don’t eat meat and their veggie meals have introduced me to some new recipes I would’ve never thought to try. I have had a bit of trouble with their service during COVID, with them getting a lot of my meals wrong, including sending meat meals, and meals or ingredients completely missing from my box. I called to inquire because I often recommend them to our readers. Their customer service explained they weren’t prepared for the uptick in subscriptions that COVID brought and on top of that, they’ve had trouble hiring additional support since some people are afraid to return. I’m going to stick it out with them because I understand this is a hard time for a lot of companies and they’re doing their best. I appreciate that they are responsive, accept responsibility for the mistakes and work hard to explain and rectify any issues.
Pre-COVID, my ex-husband would travel weekly, so our schedule with the kids fluctuated a lot during the weekdays. He hasn’t traveled since mid-March, so we’ve been able to stick to a Monday-Monday routine. Every Monday, the kids switch houses. They prefer to stay in one house as long as possible vs. moving things back and forth frequently. We also live down the street from each other and often pop into each other’s houses for a visit. The kids come in and out of both houses regularly, so I at least get to see their faces most days.
Long before COVID, we created a family text chain that includes my ex-husband, his partner, our four kids and me. Anytime we communicate, it goes through the family chat. That way, nothing ever falls through the cracks with communication. We’re all up to speed with anything that’s going on, regardless of which house they’re at or who’s involved directly. When my oldest was away at college, this was also a great way for him to stay connected to the family and not feel like he was missing out on anything.
My three youngest kids are very close in age: 16, 14 and 13. My 16-year-old had just turned three when my 13-year-old was born, so I had three that were 3 and under. This meant I spent many years in the trenches, in total chaos, but they were extremely close and inseparable. They also spent many years in elementary school together. Which is maybe something I didn’t know to appreciate until it was gone—the comfort that comes from having them all in the same place. Knowing they saw each other throughout the day and they had that silent support and bond close by. There’s a confidence that comes from that.
Having the kids home and adjusting to the new schedules and interruptions hasn’t been easy. But, I really thoroughly enjoy seeing the impromptu interactions throughout the day that absolutely would not be happening if they were in-person learning. They are needing to lean on each other again in ways they haven’t had to do in years. Recording gym sessions for each other to submit to teachers, asking clarifying questions about new procedures and just poking their heads into each other’s “classrooms” because they want human interaction. Above all, I am grateful for this extra time with them and this opportunity they have to bond.
There’s more going on right now that we do not see behind closed doors. Marriage, relationships, and divorce are all not always easy and during a pandemic the tension and stress are high. Though every relationship is important, our main focus right now needs to be on our children and being the best role models we can be.
Right now, co-parenting peacefully is probably very difficult but very important.
Why? Because children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.
The Best Co-Parenting Strategies:
1. Communicate. Right now, there are so many things out of our hands and so much unknown, not only are you and your ex unsure of what’s going to happen, so are your children. You and your ex need to be on the same page during this time. With schools shut down and normal schedules out of question, coming up with a consistent and the most logical plans are essential. Home-schooling and day schedules should be discussed if the children switch homes during the week, make the routines as close as possible at each household. And. I get it, that’s not easy, none of this is, but as long as you two create some sort of normalcy mixed with leniency, it will create some balance for your kids.
2. Lead by (Healthy) Example. Your feelings about your ex do not have to dictate your behavior, Be a positive example and set aside strong feelings. It may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital.
3. Commit to an Open Dialogue with Your Ex. Arrange to do this through email, texting, voicemail, letters or through face-to -ace conversation. In the beginning, it may be hard to have a civil dialogue with your ex. There are even websites where you can upload schedules, share information, and communicate so you and your ex don’t have to directly touch base. Here are a few that I recommend: Our Family Wizard, Coparently, Cozi, and Talking Parent. Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting
4. Be Consistent. Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between two households, but you and your ex should establish generally consistent guidelines. They should be mutually agreed upon for both households. For example, mealtime, bedtime, and completing homework need to be consistent. This helps create a sense of belonging and creates a sense of security and predictability for children.
5. Release the Negativity. Instead of talking negatively about your ex, commit to positive talk in both households no matter what the circumstances. With so much instability right now, positivity in your household is essential. Children want to feel safe, the negative reactions you have for one another must be kept between you two if must.
6. Agree on Discipline. Don’t give in to the guilt and try and outdo your ex by gifting you child with things, instead agree on discipline—behavioral guidelines, rewards, and consequences for raising your children so that there’s consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they’re with at any given time. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being.
7. Be Flexible and Update Each Other Often. If there are changes at home, in your life, It is important that your child is never, ever, ever the primary source of information.
8. Speak in a Positive Language about Your Ex. Remember, oftentimes marriage is what was the issue, not the parenting style. Each of you has valuable strengths as a parent. Remember to recognize the different traits you and your ex have—and reinforce this awareness with your children. The repercussions of co-parenting conflict? Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD.
9. Keep Conversations Kid-focused.
10. Pick and Choose Your Battles with Your Ex. Yes, discuss important decisions about school or health, but what time your child goes to bed whether at 8 p.m. in one house vs. 8:30 in another or when they take a bath in the morning or the evening is not important so try to let that go. Focus on the bigger issues. In fact, this teaches your child flexibility.
Transitions:
Be timely.
Help children anticipate change. Remind the kids they’ll be leaving for the other parent’s house for a day or two before the visit. Have a visual calendar that is up and helps for the anticipation.
Pack their special stuffed toy or photograph. Some parents will have security blankets or the same stuffies at each house or one that goes between households.
The exchange should be quick and positive.
When your child returns refrain from asking a lot of questions. Have a consistent activity or pre-planned activity that was on the calendar planned, so they know what to expect when they return.
Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist, and board-certified behavior analyst. Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children, supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness; recently nominated for San Diego Magazine’s Woman of the Year
Life during a pandemic presents its fair share of challenges. And for those who co-parent, this can add an additional layer of difficulties. A few key tips that I’ve found useful while co-parenting in a crisis include: teamwork, always coming from a place of empathy, maintaining existing rituals, starting new ones, and above all—putting your kids first no matter what.
1. Get into Team Mode
If co-parenting was a struggle before the pandemic, this may seem like a living nightmare for some parents. In my opinion, the best thing you can do right now is to use this time to get on the same page as a united parental front. Try to leverage this hardship to be a time where you both can show that your kids are more important than the issues you both have. This will not always be smooth, but double down on trying your best.
This is a pandemic. No one knows the right move – there is no rulebook. You never know what another person is going through, so right now is a good opportunity to create a stronger relationship with your co-parent and have important conversations: What are we doing about summer? What if schools don’t reopen in September? Rally around making their lives feel as normal as possible for right now. After all, It’s you and your co-parent against the pandemic.
2. Maintain the “Co” in “Co-Parent”
My schedule as a CEO is demanding with full days of meetings, but I schedule time each day to have homework video sessions, where I handle a set of the homeschooling responsibilities. I enjoy doing homework with my kids, and their mom gets that time off to take a break. It’s a win-win.
3. Maintain Your Rituals
One ritual I’ve always shared with my kids is weekly gratitude journaling. As I tell our boys, you’ve got to be great—but you’ve also got to be grateful. Every Sunday night we write down in our book three things for which we are individually grateful. I know this is not an earth-shattering idea, but this practice has made a world of difference. It resets you and gets you prepped for the week ahead.
The things they write down can be big-ticket items like a place to live, or just the fact that they are safe and healthy. What’s helpful about writing these reflections in a notebook is that you can consult previous entries and jog your memory on truly trying days.
4. Start a Special Project
It’s important to recognize how your kids cope with change. Some of us are doing whatever we can just to make it through and stay sane, while others are thriving in a new routine. For my kids, I know they feel less anxious when we have a routine, so we decided to take this time to start a creative project. I’m a recently published author, and they’ve always taken an interest in creative writing, so we decided to start writing a children’s book about being your authentic self.
It gives them something to feel proud of and look forward to. Your project can be anything from creative writing to crafting a stand-up routine or even learning TikTok dances to show that you’re interested in their hobbies.
Hopefully, these tips can be helpful to your situation. Just like co-parenting before COVID, nothing will ever be perfect, and there will be times when things don’t feel equal or fair. Flexibility, communication, and empathy will bring the best results during a challenging time like this.
And always try to remember, even when the world is turned upside down, co-parenting is about collaboration, not competition.
Jason Harris is the Co-Founder & CEO of Mekanism, an award-winning creative advertising agency, Co-Founder of the Creative Alliance, and the nationally bestselling author of The Soulful Art ofPersuasion.
Moms can get a lot done in 10 minutes, from prepping for a Zoom call while simultaneously changing a diaper to walking the dog, pushing the stroller, potty training a toddler, and calling it time to yourself. However you conquer your day, these podcasts for moms will make it a little easier to whistle while you work. Keep reading for the best podcasts for women to subscribe to, now.
Motherhood Sessions
On this podcast, you can listen to conversations between reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks and her patients, who are mothers, as they dive into issues ranging from reconciling the way they were raised and the way they are raising their own kids to how to co-parent with an alcoholic ex. It's a podcast about sharing secrets, setting down your burdens and lightening your load, and her topics vary so widely that sooner or later, you're bound to stumble upon some of your own baggage. Listen here on iTunes.
Mom Enough
Mother-daughter co-hosts Marti and Erin Erickson tackle the issues of motherhood—from confronting the daily grind to balancing work and family to untangling the big questions of how society values mothering—through expert eyes. Erin is a nurse practitioner with a Master’s in Public Health, and her mother Marti holds a Ph.D. and is a world-renowned expert in child development and children’s mental health. Their guests help them take a research-based approach on dissecting the hardest aspects of motherhood. Listen here on iTunes.
Experiencing Motherhood Single & Black
In 2017, Kim, a 28-year-old single mom, had graduated from college, dropped both her full-time and part-time job and was looking for a podcast to help give her insight on how to raise her precocious daughter. She found many podcasts for single moms, but none specifically for single millennial moms of color. Thus, Experiencing Motherhood Single & Black was born. Kim wanted to share her story and, hopefully, help other young moms in her position. Topics include everything from parenting during the pandemic to homebuying for single moms to becoming a single mom after domestic violence.
"Not-so-great-relationship advice from completely unqualified Hollywood types." Celeb mom Anna Faris gets real about the reality of parenting, relationships and more. Recent episodes include talking to real moms discussing co-parenting strategies with their exes to hosting fellow celebs to talk about parenting, marriage and more. Subscribe here via iTunes.
Big Little Choices
"Big Little Choices is a podcast that gives women an avenue to share stories of identity and motherhood." Sri Bodanapu is your mom host of this judgment-free parenting podcast. Each episode features one mother’s story, her struggle with a particular familial situation, and how she came to a decision that worked for her family—regardless of whether it was the norm or not. Listen on iTunes here.
The Longest Shortest Time
Calling itself "the parenting show for everyone," journalist Hillary Frank shares "stories about the surprises and absurdities of raising other humans—and being raised by them." Winner of the 2018 Webby Award for Best Kids & Family Podcast, each episode runs about 30 to 45 minutes in length and is super-approachable. And, while the last episode was recorded in December 2019, you can still revel in the backlog of episodes, which are all timeless enough not to matter when they were recorded. Listen here on iTunes.
Fare of the Free Child
If you're a mom of color and you're interested in alternative parenting methods including homeschooling, slow schooling, unschooling, or if you're looking for sources on conscious parenting, this is a great place to start. Conversations touch on everything from toxic parenting habits to decolonizing activism and raising LGBTQ children of color.
Zibby Owens, mother of four, interviews and chats with authors about their work, so busy people (taking care of younger people) can listen in and get the inside scoop. Owens asks questions about how being a mother might enhance or inhibit a writer's process, in addition to giving a solid peek into the books you'd most want to read—if you could only find the time. Listen here on iTunes.
Your Parenting Mojo
In a nutshell, host Jen Lumanlan presents "research-based ideas to help kids thrive" in each episode. A mom herself, Jen owns up to her own lack of parenting instincts, but, as she says herself, she makes "up for it with outstanding research skills." Show topics like forest schools vs. regular schools, the 30-million word gap and growth mindsets for kids, there's a lot to take in for nerdy, research-loving parents. Get it on iTunes here.
What Fresh Hell: Laughing In the Face of Motherhood
Comedic duo Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables dish up personal stories that are fortified with structure and research in each episode, which means each episode blossoms from anecdotal to thoughtful discussion without leaving you feeling like you just got trapped by another look-how-cute-smart-funny-my-kid-is neighbor. One recent episode explores the regressions our kids may be showing during the strangeness of the COVID-`19 era, which leads to a broader discussion of how we all manage during times of stress, and then tops it off with a guest child development specialist to weigh in on the matter. Listen on iTunes here.
Spawned
Hosted by Liz Gumbinner and Kristen Chase of Cool Mom Picks, this podcast offers a fast-paced, smart dive into the parenting topics and trends du jour. Look for episodes like "How to be a bare minimum parent" and "A professional organizer’s top back-to-school organizational tips for the real world." Liz and Kristen offer a ton of practical, actionable tips for moms of all stripes. Listen on iTunes here.
Weekly Dose of BS
The Real Housewives of Dallas moms Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman—the B and S of the podcast's title—co-host this fast and loose new podcast that gives fans just that little bit of extra to their popular Bravo TV show. Weekly Dose of BS covers a little bit of everything, centered on parenting, #momlife and more. Listen on iTunes here.
As 2019 draws to a close, it’s the perfect time to look back on not only the end of another year but the passing of a decade, too. Much has changed in the last 10 years, especially when it comes to the parenting area. From the incorporation of technology into our daily lives to better safety regulations and a focus on inclusivity, these are the biggest ways parenting has changed in the last decade.
The last ten years have seen rapid growth in the area of fertility advancements. We've seen successful uterus transplants, surgeries that preserve fertility for cancer patients, a better understanding of pre-eclampsia and more diverse IUD options. Most importantly, changes in the fertility fields mean more men and women are becoming parents and growing their families in ways they couldn't before.
Ten years has seen lots of changes in baby and kid safety. No more crib bumpers, recalled inclined sleepers and longer rear-facing requirements are big changes to the industry, but they all mean kids are growing up safer.
Parenting with Technology
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Phones and tablets are more a part of parenting than ever before. With educational apps for both parents and kids, and the ability to Google anything at a moments notice, knowledge is always at your fingertips. With the ever-growing presence of smartphones, this last decade means phones plus parents equals the new norm. Kids have grown up with the ability to watch what they want when they want, thanks to OnDemand and full seasons of favorite shows being released on streaming platforms.
Over the last decade, widespread use of social media has led to sharenting, the sharing of special moments and crowdsourcing parent friends for advice on various social platforms. While there is always a risk of over-sharenting, researchers have also found that parents who share personal experiences about themselves and their kiddos use it as a "coping strategy, primarily related to seeking affirmation/social support or relief from parents stress/anxiety/depression.”
Being Connected to Grandparents, No Matter the Distance
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Long gone are the days when grandkids didn't connect with out-of-state grandparents. Thanks to technology, kiddos can spend time with grandma and grandpa on tablets and phones as much as they want thanks to apps like FaceTime. Studies have shown that spending time with grandparents is not only important relationally, but that kids also benefit from the guidance, advice and love the older generation can give.
This last decade has changed the way women weather pregnancy. Parents can now find out the gender of baby sooner with a simple blood test and room in with their newborn at baby-friendly hospitals. There has been a big return to natural labor and an overarching message that no matter which way you feed, "fed is best."
While many parents do find out the gender of their baby sooner than ever before, that doesn't mean we're adhering to previously common gender roles. From body positivity to gender-neutral clothing and toys, the old "pink is for girls" adage has been replaced with an open and honest discussion of how to parent better people.
More Organic Options
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Unlike the early 2000s, there is a plethora of options to feed your kiddos non-GMO and organic. Companies have dedicated their entire mission to producing chemical-free and wholesome products that come in a variety of forms. The food pouch definitely made a splash this last decade, and it looks like its hear to stay.
Along with the rise of sharenting, social media has also lent itself to the raw honesty of non-perfect parenting. Facebook pages dedicated to "average" moms and dads, along with unfiltered Instagram posts proudly share the struggles of parenting. We've seen fellow parents rise together in support of the idea that nobody has it all together––and that's ok.
Inclusion
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The world has made great strides in the last ten years when it comes to inclusivity and not only accepting but celebrating families of all kinds. From same-sex couples to adoption to co-parenting with exes, families today can be more open about who they are and what they believe in.
Photography Gone Digital
Motif
Printed photos? That's so 2000. These days it's all about ditching the cumbersome camera and taking pics of your kiddos on your smartphone. Gone are the days of dropping off rolls of film at the pharmacy––digital picture frames and digitally created photobooks are commonplace. While we've mostly said goodbye to paper family scrapbooks, we're also better connected with family and friends because it's that much easier to text or share photos than ever before.
With the advancement of fertility treatments, we've also seen growing transparency with the struggles that come with it. Men and women are boldly sharing tales of miscarriage and IVF in ways that were only shared in private forums ten years ago. This openness and honesty have meant a powerful movement in support and understanding.
With the holidays upon us, parents are scrambling to make everything perfect for their kids. Shopping for gifts and planning for family guests are just some of the things parents worry about this time of year. However, if you are a divorced parent, you know the added stress of trying to make your celebration fit into your specific parenting time. If you have been divorced for several years, you also know that sometimes things don’t always go as planned.
All parents understand wanting to spend every opportunity they get with their kids during the holidays. And following your parenting plan, to the letter, to make sure you get every minute of your time is certainly allowable. However, I want to offer just a bit of advice for those following a court-ordered parenting plan: Take a breath and think about being flexible.
I have practiced family law for nearly 20 years and a common call I get this time of year is about holiday parenting time. Generally, a parent is trying to interpret a parenting plan or court order to fit his or her specific needs. Usually this need for interpretation arises because what is written just doesn’t fit their current situation. It is extremely difficult to schedule travel plans, out-of-town family guests and activities around a rigid schedule that may have been written years ago. Most parents don’t want to intentionally disobey a court order and, as a result, risk facing a contempt hearing, so they seek my advice about their options. We usually come up with two solutions: Work it out with the other parent or go to court and ask the judge.
Court orders are put in place for good reason. They maintain structure and consistency. They are much-needed attributes in a custody case to ensure that one parent doesn’t obstruct and/or abuse the other’s parenting time. However, family courts have long recognized that the more cooperation parents afford each other, the better the outcome for the parents and the children. That is why almost all family law court orders will allow some temporary flexibility and compromise between the parents without seeking the court’s approval. My advice, along with what most family law courts espouse as well, is to think about being flexible.
Here is a perfect example: One of my client’s was simply beside herself because she wanted her children to be able to spend a little time with their out of town cousins who were coming for Christmas. However, the cousins were not going to arrive in time to accommodate the transfer time mom was subject to in her parenting plan. The parenting plan stated that dad would get the kids at 3 p.m. on Christmas Eve which would be about the same time their guests arrived. We contacted the children’s dad (he didn’t have an attorney) and explained that mom was requesting a temporary modification to the Christmas schedule and that we wanted to first seek an amicable resolution before filing the necessary documents to present the issue to the judge. Dad was reasonable and instead of simply saying “no” he used the situation to address an issue he knew he may have in the upcoming summer schedule. Because dad simply took a breath and assessed the situation before just defaulting to “NO,” he was able to provide the opportunity for his kids to see their out-of-town relatives, resolve a summer issue that he was going to have, and all the while setting a great example for his children about flexibility and reasonableness. A win/win for everyone.
I am a child of divorce, as well as a divorce lawyer, so I speak with some personal experience and authority. When I think back to holidays during my own childhood, more than any gift I received, I remember the cooperation my mom and dad had with each other. They made sure that my holidays were as normal and drama-free as possible. If anyone was going to miss out, it was one of them, but never me. Thanks mom and dad! Some 40 years later I still appreciate that excellent co-parenting.
Richard Hathaway has been a family law attorney for twenty years. His practice is focused on providing efficient, effective counsel on issues involving divorce, modification actions, and child custody matters. He is experienced in helping resolve client cases out of the courtroom through mediation as well as in litigating family law matters.
It’s well known that nearly half of all marriages in the country end in divorce. The rate is even higher for subsequent marriages. What many people are not as focused on are the children involved and how to best go about co-parenting in a way that will help them grow into well adjusted adults. July is National Child-Centered Divorce Month, making it an ideal time to place the focus of divorce on the children, and what can be done to help ensure they come out of the situation in healthy manner.
“Divorce may seem like it’s something between the adults, but it is really something impacts the whole family,” explains Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert, licensed educational psychologist, and author, who offer virtual workshops. “Children need parents who will commit to working together for the health and development of their child.”
In a study published in the journal called The Linacre Quarterly, researchers shared their findings of reviewing three decades worth of research regarding the impact of divorce on the health of children. Their research found that divorce has been shown to diminish a child’s future competence in all areas of life, including family relationships, education, emotional well-being, and future earning power. Parents can help to counter the negative impact that divorce has on the children by focusing on effective co-parenting that will help ensure their success throughout life.
Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves. They will also have a healthy example to follow. It’s important for parents to remember that their feelings about their ex does not, and should not, dictate their behavior. It’s better to focus on being a positive example, putting your child’s well being in the spotlight.
Patel offers some tips that will help with ensuring co-parenting success:
Commit to making co-parenting an open dialogue with your ex. Arrange to do this through email, texting, voicemail, letters, or face-to-face conversations. In the beginning, it may be hard to have a civil dialogue with your ex. There are even websites where you can upload schedules, share information and communicate so you and your ex don’t have to directly touch base.
The key is consistency. Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between the two households, but you and your ex should establish generally consistent guidelines. They should be mutually agreed upon for both households. For example, meal time, bed time, and completing homework need to consistent. This helps create a sense of belonging and creates a sense of security and predictability for children. Discuss and come to an agreement about each of these issues.
Don’t give in to guilt and try and outdo your ex by gifting you child with things, instead agree on discipline. This includes things like behavioral guidelines, rewards, and consequences, so there is consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they’re with at any given time. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being.
Keep in mind that children will frequently test boundaries and rules, especially if there’s a chance to get something they may not ordinarily be able to obtain. This is why a united front in co-parenting is recommended.
Be flexible and update often. If there are changes at home, in your life, it is important that your child is never the primary source of information.
Speak in positive language about your ex. Remember, often times, the marriage is what was the issue, not the parenting style. Each of you has valuable strengths as a parent. Remember to recognize the different traits you and your ex have – and reinforce this awareness with your children.
Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD. Keeping this in mind, strive to keep conflict around them to a minimal or none at all.
Keep the conversations child-focused. This will leave out problems that you and your ex have with each other. The focus now needs to be on the children.
“Effective and healthy co-parenting may be difficult at first and it make time some time to work everything out,” added Patel. “But getting this part right in the long run is going to have a huge positive impact on your children, so it’s worth it. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help to put a plan together or determine how to best put co-parenting into action.”
Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist and board-certified behavior analyst. For more than 20 years, Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness.
Actress and mom Jennifer Garner is appearing on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine for the Beautiful Issue. In an interview inside she shares what it’s like balancing her day job as an actress and her biggest career role as a mom.
Here are a few of the best Jennifer Garner quotes on motherhood from the past few years starting with one from her recent interview.
After a photo shoot Garner explains, “I’ll feel like the best possible version of myself. They’ll look at me and say, ‘Can you wash your face? Can you put your hair in a ponytail and put your glasses and sweats on? And I see the compliment in that. They just want me to look like Mom.”
On Emotional Intelligence (for Kids and Moms)
“Our kids need to be allowed to have a bad day. And you need to show them that it’s OK to have the whole range of emotions. You should have it all: rage and anger and sadness, so there is a lot of room for joy and happiness as well.”
“My kids don’t have any social media yet. And I am terrified. I think it puts so much pressure on kids at an age when they’re really vulnerable anyway. You know, if anyone has any clues, let me know.”
On Her Mom Friends
“I have a couple of celebrity mom friends that I go to for certain things that only they can — only we can talk about! But mostly I talk to my friends, my mom friends from Violet’s school. And we just gab away like anyone. But pretty much I hang up from one mom friend and call another.”
On The Importance of Her Best Role
At her Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony she said, “For my children, when you walk over this star I want you to remember first of all that I love you. And that this is about hard work and good luck and not a whole lot else. You define me, not this wonderful spot on the pavement.”
“You treat them like real kids. They have boundaries and they have rules and they throw fits. My littlest one saw something he wanted. I had just said, ‘We’re not buying anything,’ and he threw a fit. The people at the store said to me, ‘Please let us just give this to you’ because he was so unhappy. And I said, ‘I’m sorry that he’s throwing a fit in your store and you’re so sweet to want to give this to him. And thank you for asking me first. But he’s going to have to throw a fit.’ I said no. No is no. I said to my girls, ’What do I mean when I say no?’ And they were like, ‘She really means no!’ So you just have to do it. It’s not pretty. I don’t think that I’m always the best at it, but I try my best to be consistent and for them to know what they can expect from me.”
On Co-Parenting
“It’s not Ben’s job to make me happy. The main thing is these kids ― and we’re completely in line with what we hope for them. Sure, I lost the dream of dancing with my husband at my daughter’s wedding. But you should see their faces when he walks through the door. And if you see your kids love someone so purely and wholly, then you’re going to be friends with that person.”
On Raising Kids With Values
“I think teaching your kids anything is a lifelong job and certainly values are something ― you can’t just say, ‘Here, have values!’ You have to show them that you have values. The most important thing is just modeling at this age. When they’re older, they’ll hopefully travel with us and go to places and be boots on the ground, but for right now, it’s just really important to both of us that they see and appreciate the work we do.”
“Imagine squeezing something out the size of a watermelon. How much pain is that? There’ll be a lot of swelling.”
On the Little Things
“There are lots of little traditions the kids and I have together. Right now our blueberry bushes are going nuts, so we sneak down and pick blueberries together on the weekends. But my most valuable time with the kids is bedtime— I have different books going with each of my kids and they each get their own time [with me], even if it has to be condensed!”
Parenting your kids after a divorce or separation isn’t always easy, but Anna Faris and Chris Pratt give us awesome life goals on how to co-parent.
In a recent interview with divorce attorney Laura Wasser for her Divorce Sucks! podcast, Faris revealed her hopes for the future of co-parenting with ex Pratt. Despite Pratt’s engagement to Katherine Schwarzenegger and Faris’ relationship with photographer Micheal Barrett, the parents remain committed to keeping their six-year-old son Jack their number one priority.
Anna Faris Wants to Have 'Group Thanksgiving Dinners' with Chris Pratt, Katherine Schwarzenegger https://t.co/0zPI9pjnDm
“Grudge-holding is not something that Chris and I do. So, we wanted to make sure, of course, that Jack [their son] was happy, but that we were happy and supportive of each other and that we could have this fantasy idea of, do we all spend Christmas together? Do we all vacation together? How do we make sure that everybody that we love feels safe, and that we also respect the love we have for each other?” Faris said on the podcast.
Faris said her hope is that as Jack grows older they will “have group Thanksgiving dinners together and to be at that place.” Under the terms of their divorce, Pratt and Faris agreed to live within five miles of each other until Jack is in sixth grade so it’s definitely possible to make joint holidays happen.
Faris has also made it clear that she has no bitterness towards Pratt’s new fiancée and believes they are both great people. “Under all of these un-coupling circumstances, I think that we are so good and respectful toward each other,” Faris said. “I think there is so much kindness and love, and I know we want to get to that ultimate goal—and I know it sounds lame and optimistic—but that’s what I want.”
