ML Interest Tag: co-parenting

How I Get 3 Kids Out the Door by 7 a.m. Every Day

By Stephanie Gisler

“Either you have a pleasant morning or everyone gets to school on time.” 

This saying rings so true in our house. As a single working parent to three amazing humans, MOST days it is an uphill battle to keep everyone organized and out the door ON TIME.

My kids are 10, 7 and 4 in grades 5, 2 and preschool. We have two different school drop offs, carpool, multiple teachers, after-school clubs, tutors, counselors, sports/music lessons and a co-parenting schedule all to juggle each week—not to mention my own work schedule. I wake up at 4:30 a.m. and exercise; then I wake the kids up at 6 a.m., so we can leave the house by 7 a.m. to get to elementary school then preschool, then my office by 8:30 a.m. at the latest. Usually that means breakfast is to-go in the car.

The Tools

We use these ‘bento box’ st‌yle trays that we can pop in granola bars, milk, yogurt, sausages, rolls, etc and each person places it on their lap in the car.

Breakfasts choices are super easy: toasted bagels, pillsbury croissants, frozen waffles and pancakes, etc. We always keep Horizon boxed milk on hand for car-rides. Sometimes those squeeze fruit packs are great, too.

Lunches we use a mix or reusable snack and sandwich baggies and disposable snacks, boxed milk and juices. Kids usually do a pre-pack the night before ( fruit, carrots, snacks, etc) then a sandwich the morning-of.

Stashed in my car console are these awesome reusable antibacterial Norwex towels that kids use to wipe hands and they can absorb an entire can of soda (amazing!)—and we have wet wipes, too. And don’t forget a garbage bag in the van! I drive a Honda Odyssey so lots of room for “The Stuff,” plus cup holders galore.

We do keep a hand-held vacuum in the car and we keep these handy charcoal odor absorbing tubes spread around to keep things from turning into an absolute scary-van.

Finding Their Motivation

Even with all the prep and tools, my kids were just not getting out of bed on time. I would wake them up, then they would just lay there for 30 minutes until I got super angry. Meanwhile, I was stressed that they wouldn’t have time to pack their lunches or grab breakfast, so I ended up doing ALL of it for them. Which taught them that I would continue to do that, while they slept in. GRRRRR.

We had the pep talk. We had the reminder pep talk. Then the “threatening” pep talk. Then the drill-sergeant pep talk… then the crying pep talk… all by mom, the supposed leader of the family—yeah, it wasn’t working. It was all emotion-based on my end and they knew I was outnumbered. Kids are so intuitive!

I decided to change my strategy. “How can I teach them the consequence of being dependable?” I wondered. They needed to have a fear of letting down THE GROUP if they “forgot” or didn’t do their part. I decided to have the older two split the duties of 1) making lunches for everyone or 2) making breakfast for everyone

They would switch off daily to mix it up and could negotiate the schedule themselves. If someone was lazy, everyone would suffer. This seemed to do the trick for us and motivated the kids to get it in gear!

So, a few weeks in and it’s not perfect, but it takes WAY less pleading to get them up and moving. I just have to say one reminder: “Don’t forget you have lunch-duty or breakfast-duty. Let me know if I can help”—and they’re on it.

I hope you find what works to motivate your crew—and maybe you have gleaned a few tips and tricks from our crazy routine here! Best of luck and just remember to keep trying until you find something that works. Have grace with yourself and your family and know that you are doing better than you think you are.

This post originally appeared on 2ocmoms.wordpress.com.

I am a busy single mom to three amazing kids. My parenting philosophy has evolved many times over, but begins and ends with LOVE, including showing the behavior you want to see and just being kind. From divorce to traveling with kids and time management—I'm your gal to read! 

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10 Parenting Podcasts Every Mom Needs in Her Life Right Now

By Keiko Zoll

Moms can get a lot done in 10 minutes, from prepping for a Zoom call while simultaneously changing a diaper to walking the dog, pushing the stroller, potty training a toddler, and calling it time to yourself. However you conquer your day, these podcasts for moms will make it a little easier to whistle while you work. Keep reading for the best podcasts for women to subscribe to, now.

Motherhood Sessions

On this podcast, you can listen to conversations between reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks and her patients who are mothers as they dive into issues from reconciling the way they were raised and the way they are raising, to how to co-parent with an alcoholic ex. It's a podcast about sharing secrets, setting down your burdens, and lightening your load, and her topics vary so widely that sooner or later, you're bound to stumble upon some of your own baggage. Listen here on iTunes.

Mom Enough

Mother-daughter co-hosts Marti & Erin Erickson tackle the issues of motherhood—from confronting the daily grind, to balancing work and family, to untangling the big questions of how society values mothering—through expert eyes. Erin is a nurse practitioner with a Master’s in Public Health, and her mother Marti holds a PhD and is a world-renowned expert in child development and children’s mental health. Their guests help them take a research-based approach to dissecting the hardest aspects of motherhood. Listen here on iTunes. 

 

Anna Faris Is Unqualified

"Not-so-great-relationship advice from completely unqualified Hollywood types." Celeb mom Anna Faris gets real about the reality of parenting, relationships and more. Recent episodes include talking to real moms discussing co-parenting strategies with their exes to hosting fellow celebs to talk about parenting, marriage and more. Subscribe here via iTunes.

Big Little Choices

"Big Little Choices is a podcast that gives women an avenue to share stories of identity and motherhood." Sri Bodanapu is your mom host of this judgment-free parenting podcast. Each episode features one mother’s story, her struggle with a particular familial situation, and how she came to a decision that worked for her family—regardless of whether it was the norm or not. Listen on iTunes here.

The Longest Shortest Time

Calling itself "the parenting show for everyone," journalist Hillary Frank shares "stories about the surprises and absurdities of raising other humans—and being raised by them." Winner of the 2018 Webby Award for Best Kids & Family Podcast, each episode runs about 30 to 45 minutes in length and is super-approachable. And, while the last episode was recorded in December 2019, you can still revel in the backlog of episodes, which are all timeless enough not to matter when they were recorded. Listen here on iTunes.

 

Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books

Zibby Owens, mother of four, interviews and chats with authors about their work so busy people (taking care of younger people) can listen in and get the inside scoop. Owens asks questions about how being a mother might enhance or inhibit a writer's process, in addition to giving a solid peek into the books you'd most want to read—if you could only find the time. Listen here on iTunes. 

Your Parenting Mojo

In a nutshell, host Jen Lumanlan presents "research-based ideas  to help kids thrive" in each episode. A mom herself, Jen owns up to her own lack of parenting instincts, but, as she says herself, she makes "up for it with outstanding research skills." Show topics like forest schools vs. regular schools, the 30-million word gap and growth mindsets for kids, there's a lot to take in for nerdy, research-loving parents. Get it on iTunes here.

What Fresh Hell: Laughing In the Face of Motherhood

Comedic duo Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables dish up personal stories that are fortified with structure and research in each episode, which means each episode blossoms from anecdote to thoughtful discussion without leaving you feeling like you just got trapped by another look-how-cute-smart-funny-my-kid-is neighbor. One recent episode explores the regressions our kids may be showing during the strangeness of the Covid-`19 era, which leads to a broader discussion of how we all manage during times of stress, and then tops it off with a guest child development specialist to weigh in on the matter. Listen on iTunes here. 

Spawned

Hosted by Liz Gumbinner and Kristen Chase of Cool Mom Picks, this podcast offers a fast-paced, smart dive into the parenting topics and trends du jour.  Look for episodes like "How to be a bare minimum parent" and "A professional organizer’s top back-to-school organizational tips for the real world." Liz and Kristen offer a ton of practical, actionable tips for moms of all stripes. Listen on iTunes here.

Weekly Dose of BS

The Real Housewives of Dallas moms Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman—the B and S of the podcast's title—co-host this fast and loose new podcast that gives fans just that little bit of extra to their popular Bravo TV show. Weekly Dose of BS covers a little bit of everything, centered on parenting, #momlife and more. Listen on iTunes here.

 

—Shelley Massey with Keiko Zoll

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Featured image courtesy of Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels

Keiko is a mom and Red Tricycle editor. Fueled almost exclusively by Coke Zero and Nespresso, she is a textbook Gemini and her spirit animal is the octopus. Bylines include HuffPost, Romper, Disney Baby, Babble, Metro News International and others. Her favorite dinosaur is the parasaurolophus.

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Drew Barrymore’s Powerful Instagram Series about Parenting Is So Necessary

by Karly Wood

Raise your hand if you’re guilty of curating the most positive moments captured on film for your social media feeds. You’re not alone and Drew Barrymore’s #TheWayItLooksToUs hashtag seeks to change the way we depict parenthood, one IG feed at a time.

In a recent video post on Instagram, the actress shared a moment when she showed up to her daughter’s school feeling less like a “proper mom” and how she immediately started to beat herself up. In response, she launched what she calls a “social media experiment” where she has since shared several moments comparing the picture perfect parent to reality.

photo: Drew Barrymore via Instagram 

Barrymore reaches out to parents in her video: ” I invite you in to present the way it’s supposed to look to you, and the way it really is. I’m going to present the same thing right back.” Since the post on Dec. 19, Barrymore has shared five posts that reveal much of the actresses personal life, struggles and joy of parenting.

The first post in her experiment? Letting her kids get dirty and play with powdered sugar—because sometimes the memories are more important than the cleanup:

As a working mom and successful actress, Drew is often made up to the nines—but there are plenty of un-made-up ugly cry moments, too:

Likewise, there’s a lot celeb moms have to do to look “perfect,” especially with industry pressure to drop the baby weight—and fast. Here’s what it really looks like for Barrymore:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BroKJo2Hphc/

Even relationships and co-parenting were fair game in Barrymore’s confessional social media experiment. She writes, “Will and I continue to marvel at what we made and try to be the best co parents we can be.” Barrymore and Will Kopelman were married from 2012 to 2016 and have two children together.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BrpqbNvHUIx/

Her final post circles back to the powdered sugar playtime with her daughter: “Sometimes what seems like the biggest mess can be your greatest memory.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BrqflfPHIw3/

The #TheWayItLooksToUs hashtag has also garnered more than 1,000 tags from fellow parents chiming in to break down the walls of perfection in honor of real, raw photos about parenting. Slow clap for Drew Barrymore for sparking an important and totally necessary conversation on social media.

––Karly Wood

Feature photo: Drew Barrymore via Instagram

 

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What Is “Bird Nesting?” This New Trend Helps Kids Cope with Divorce

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Co-parenting has plenty of challenges, but regardless of how you do it, the goal is always the same: raising happy, well-adjusted kids. Which is why the idea of “bird nesting” can actually be really important for families going through divorce. What is bird nesting, exactly?

The term “bird nesting” refers to the concept of keeping kids in one home after divorce or separation, while the parents take turns staying with the kids. The idea is to give kids more stability. Rather than having to travel back and forth between two different homes, kids have one house and one room that they call home, while their parents rotate between the family home and places of their own.

Photo: Alexander Dummer via Unsplash 

Certainly not every family can afford a set up like this, but as Sherri Sharma, partner at Aronson, Mayefsky & Sloan, LLP, a matrimonial law firm in New York, explained to NBC News, “The way I’ve seen nesting done is not people having three homes, as most people, even quite wealthy clients, don’t find that feasible. Usually the parents have a studio apartment they share and rotate, and then keep the marital home where the children stay put.”

The benefits of bird nesting are pretty obvious, kids experience less disruption while dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of their parents splitting up. However, as Sharma explains, the idea is really only beneficial in the short term.

“I’ve never seen ‘nesting’ go on forever,” says Sharma. “A few months is okay but for longer periods (beyond six months), I think the uncertainty of not knowing what it will really be like to have separate homes can be confusing or anxiety-[inducing] for children.”

Celeste Viciere, a licensed mental health clinician, echoes the sentiment that bird nesting can be beneficial, but she warns that it can also have some downsides. “[Nesting] may feel confusing to a child,” she says. “Children may struggle with having amazing family memories in the house but feel unable to share them together anymore. It could also lead to a false sense of reality where they become hopeful that their parents could get back together.”

Photo: rhone via Unsplash

Besides sticking to a short term period for transition, the concept of bird nesting works best with couples who are on good terms, which can lessen the stress and strain that might arise from the uncomfortable situation of sharing living spaces with an ex.

“Regardless of how you choose to divorce, being mindful of the potential effects to your kids is crucial,” says Viciere. “Some parents struggle with having difficult but realistic conversations with their kids in an effort to ‘protect’ them. Contrary to popular belief, you aren’t truly protecting your children by avoiding having these conversations. Rather, it hurts them when you aren’t being honest about what’s taking place.”

Viciere’s advice? Be up front and realistic about expectations for everyone involved. “Kids tend to already have an idea of what’s going on and are quite perceptive of their environments. It’s expected that kids will have a hard time with divorce, but if you can be upfront with them about what’s happening, and allow them to ask questions and have conversations around how they feel about what’s taking place, it will help in navigating them through the situation.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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7 Birthday Party Hacks That Will Absolutely Save Your Sanity

By Tracey Gee

Remember getting invited to a friend’s birthday party when you were a kid? Remember feeling so excited to get to see your friends, do something special and have birthday cake? It was such a blast!

How about now? How do you feel when your child gets invited to a birthday party? Excitement? Dread? Mix of both? Last weekend, my kids were invited to a friend’s party and they were super excited to go. While I was there, I was chatting with one of the dads who said, “My social life is bringing my kids to parties. We have three today and another one tomorrow.” I laughed because four seemed like a record weekend and yet I could easily see how that could happen.

Like it or not, the birthday party circuit is a part of your life as a parent. There’s tons of advice out there on how to reduce the stress of planning and throwing a party—but how about managing all the birthday party attendance that becomes part of your life as a parent? Yes, you can take the stress out of going to birthday parties and having fun going to them, too!

If you have younger kids, know that tagging along on the birthday circuit doesn’t last forever. My oldest is 10 years old and his parties are all of the drop-off variety these days, which has opened up a whole different kind of reality. Last month, I ran into some friends who were out on a date night while their kids were both at simultaneous birthday parties. Living the dream! If the stars ever align like that for us, I’ll be pretty excited. But in the meantime, I also really do like doing the birthday party thing and look forward to going to them. Once both my kids are older, I think I’ll genuinely miss it.

What’s so great about birthday parties, anyway? Here’s what I think.

Birthday parties offer a chance to see your kids hanging out with their friends. 

I long to be a fly on the wall when my kids are at school to be able to watch them and play with their friends. It’s one of my favorite parts of hosting playdates and a great chance to see a part of their world that I might not normally get to see. Parties let you do all that and get to know their buddies and see them together.

You get to connect with other parents in your community. 

I love talking to fellow parents. At this last party, I had a great conversation with another mom about why she chose to send her kids to the schools they were going to and I really learned a lot. I genuinely find these conversations fascinating and a great way to meet parents within our school and neighborhood, trade information and make parent friends.

Your kids learn how to be a good guest. 

My kids look forward to these times because of all the fun naturally. But I think it’s also great for them to learn how to be generous and thoughtful about their friends. They learn how to be a good guest. We try to teach our kids about giving and generosity in other ways too but this might be one of the most tangible ways that they learn to do that.

So, how do you maximize the fun and cut back on the stress? Here are my seven best tips for how to have more fun at your next kids’ birthday party.

Plan Your Savvy Birthday Party Circuit Strategy

1. Find your magic number. How many parties are too many parties? Through trial and error, figure out what works best for your family and politely decline the ones that go over your number. For our family, I have learned over the years that we can do one birthday party a weekend and have a blast—any more than that and things start to come apart at the seams. For a special circumstances we might break that rule, but generally we try to hold to it—and we’re all happier because of it. But your family may be different. Maybe you’re like the dad I talked to and four is great for you. Find your sweet spot as a family and try to stick to that.

2. Divide and conquer. If you’re co-parenting and only one partner goes to the party, the other one can do something else and relieve you at another point. One of you may enjoy the birthday party scene and the other not so much. Or if you know another family that is invited too, carpooling might save time and energy.

Tackle All Those Gifts Like a Boss

3. Stock up on birthday cards. If your kids don’t like making cards and you don’t want to have to run to Target just to buy yet another a birthday card, stock up on gender neutral birthday cards ahead of time.

4. Keep some gift cards towards experiences on hand. My son once got a pair of movie tickets as a birthday gift and loved it—so now, we often like to give those as gifts to others. Other experience-type activities that are great are gift certificates to a local frozen yogurt place, ice cream shop or kids bookstore. Another upside with these kinds of gifts is that there is no wrapping required! Just stick it in the card.

5. Save yourself a trip to the store. If buying a gift, put your Amazon account to use and order it as soon as you RSVP so you aren’t scrambling with that last-minute Target run.

Party Like a Pro With Your Kids

6. Talk through expectations. You can remind your kids about wishing the host happy birthday and thanking them for the invitation. If you think there’s something at the party they may struggle with—taking turns, watching someone else open gifts, not being the one who gets to blow out the candles—talk about it ahead of time. While having these talks don’t guarantee these issue won’t surface at the party, they’re good to have regardless.

7. Ask a follow-up question. After a party, I really like asking my kids not just if they had fun but also asking them how they were a good friend or demonstrated kindness to others. Over time, I think this helps them learn that it’s nice to have a good time but that it’s also really important to be kind and celebrate others. If I noticed them doing those things, I point them out too.

Do you love or hate the birthday party circuit? What are your tips on how to take the stress out of juggling multiple birthday parties?

Featured Photo Courtesy: timkraaijvanger via Pixabay

Tracey is a working mom of boys who loves to blog about that crazy journey at her site www.balanceisboring.com. She is a devotee of black coffee and list making and is an incurable loud laugher. 

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What Are YOU Thankful for?

by Erin Lem

Every day there are dozens of things our Red Tricycle team is thankful for. In honor of Thanksgiving and in an effort to appreciate those special people, places and products (ah-hem, coffee) that make our world go round, we asked our staff what exactly they’re thankful for this year. Read on and then let us know in the comments below what you’re grateful for.

I am thankful for a husband who “leans in” to co-parenting. I’m thankful for the Red Tricycle team who inspire me daily and make life more fun. I’m thankful for Mario’s Dry Cleaning and Laundry, who’ve been fulfilling our laundry on demand needs long before there was an app for that.
— Jacqui Boland, Founder + CEO

I’m thankful for my two boys who can buckle themselves into the car, make their own cereal on Saturday mornings and who always make me smile.
— Kristina Moy, Seattle Editor

I am truly, truly blessed that the Y, Trader Joe’s and the wine store are all within 1 block of each other, and a few blocks from my apartment. (And yeah, my family.)
— Mimi O’Connor, NY Editor

I’m thankful for the inventors of Mac and cheese, the one and only food I can guarantee my two year olds will eat. (and thankful for my food processor to grind up vegetables into the mac and cheese, the only way i can trick them into eating anything healthy)
— Caitlin Dowling, NY Calendar Editor

I am thankful my daughter is not an Early Bird and will sleep in. Clearly I did something right in life!
— Leah Singer, San Diego Editor

I’m thankful for baby giggles, hugs from my 3 year old, early bedtimes, playdates with wine, childcare at the gym, an awesome husband and great friends and family.
— Julie Seguss, Bump + Baby Editor

I’m grateful that my kids are now sleeping through the night.  Every night!!  And it only took 8 years…
— Meghan Rose, Los Angeles Editor

I’m thankful for coffee, wine, and the chaos that comes in between.
— Shelley Massey, Atlanta Editor

Wow! I’m thankful for so many things this season. Here are just a few:
• The sleep pillow app. This has aided in the success of countless afternoon naps. Enough said.
• Gel manicures. No matter how many bottles and lunch bags I clean out, these things can go a solid two weeks without chipping.
• Audiobooks. Just when I thought I’d have to forego my monthly book club meetings after baby #2 hit the scene…audiobooks saved the day.
— Ayren Jackson-Cannady, D.C. Editor

As a working mom of two creative and messy kiddos, I’m incredibly grateful for coffee, a helpful hubby, early morning yoga and Method’s All-Purpose Cleaning Spray in Pink Grapefruit (this stuff can be used anywhere, on just about anything).
— Gabby Cullen, National Editor

I am thankful for my four (going on 80) year-old son who loves to wear blazers, dips his bread in oil & balsamic and uses phrases like, “Mom, I’m sorry to tell you this but…” and “Just so you know….” Every day he surprises me and makes me grateful I get to be his mom.
— Amber Guetebier, Bay Area Calendar Editor + Red Tricycle Daily Editor

I’m so thankful for our amazing family–grandparents, aunts, uncles and godparents who are all here, healthy and so much fun.
— Erin Feher, Bay Area Editor

Free rent at my grandma’s. Wouldn’t survive in SF without it.
— Christal Yuen, Editorial Associate + Photo Editor

I am thankful to be able to spend time with my family over the holidays and for my husband’s culinary prowess (which comes in extra handy during the holidays.) I am also thankful for fairies and construction trucks, as they keep my children constantly amused and entertained.
— Mandy Hale, VP Operations

I’m thankful for friends. Especially the one where Joey buys Chandler a duck.
— Kevin Cabral, Web Producer

I’m thankful to be celebrating an epic 10th annual Friendsgiving this year (I have not been home for Thanksgiving in ten years..and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!) …And on a related note, Im thankful to have always been home for Christmas with my family.
— Brandi McWade, Digital Media Manager

I’m thankful for my health, my two boys at home (the big and the small) and that the difficult, nausea-inducing, little girl commandeering my uterus will be out and about very, very soon.
— Jess Pluskowski, VP of Brand Partnerships

I am thankful that my one-year-old mostly sleeps through the night. :)
— Jen Caynan, Sales Director

I’m thankful for cloud-based, instance-specific, indexed server exception reporting and analysis with full stack traces.
— Dan Zaner, VP Engineering

I am thankful for coffee, because its what keeps me awake during work  and it also tastes great.
— Tina Ly, Ad Operations Manager

I’m thankful for my spunky daughter who loves to cuddle, and the technology that makes my life so much easier: Munchery, TouchID, and Siri’s ability to set timed reminders (because otherwise I’d forget everything!).
— Sara Olsher, Marketing + Community

Mickey Mouse. And pacifiers. But, on a serious side I am also thankful for the amazing community of strong women that I have been blessed with during a difficult period in my life. In this last year alone I have seen working moms, stay-at-home moms, single women and even young girls come together and offer support and helping hands. I admire these women that empower one another and take charge in making a difference. It is the very woman that I aspire to be for my children and that I hope to exude confidently each and every day.
— Jen Miller, Billing Specialist

OK  so the serious first:  I am so grateful for my health. Parenting is physical – let’s face it and I’m so glad that I am up for the task, which lets me get so much joy from being a mom. On the lighter side… As a mom, I am so grateful that there is wine to offset all the “whine” in my life with young kids.  Nothing like a glass or 2 or 3 at the end of a long day. I am also grateful for warm snuggles in the morning, run into my arms hugs when they get home from school and for all of the delightful innocent words that come out of their mouths.
— Francie Kaplan, National Account Director

I am grateful for a partner who is patient and kind, a dog whose exuberant greetings always make me happy and coffee. Lots of coffee.
— Erin Lem, Editorial Director

Now tell us what you’re thankful for! We’d love to hear in the comments below.

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