We know you want what’s best for your budding scholar, but when it comes to your relationship with your child’s teacher, there’s a fine line between a healthy parent-teacher partnership and an overly demanding one. So how do you best keep the communication channels open without offending anyone? We asked teachers to tell us about the common passive-aggressive, condescending, or straight-up rude comments they’ve gotten from parents.
Here are some things to avoid saying during a parent-teacher chat so you don’t (even inadvertently) offend your most important academic ally:
1. “I need… [insert thing here]” – Michael W., third-grade teacher, Los Angeles, CA
“I need an independent study.” “I need my child to do his homework.” “I need my kid to focus better in class.” We know you need things. But so does your teacher! Stop telling your teacher what you need and think more about the teacher’s (and the class’s) needs.
Instead: Say: “Do you have any time to discuss independent study/homework demands/etc.?”
2. “My child never had this problem/did this thing/struggled in the past.”
-Michael W., third-grade teacher, Los Angeles, CA
The past is the past! When you complain your child has never struggled in the past, what your teacher hears is you think it’s somehow their fault.
Instead: Focus on the present and discuss your child’s current needs without comparing them to years past (unless you have pre-existing strategies to offer your teacher that might help).
3. “But he was fine in preschool.” or “He never did that in preschool.”
-Marni N., kindergarten teacher, Los Angeles, CA
Kindergarten isn’t preschool. There are new rules, changing routines, and a schedule that allows for a little less play and a little more learning—so don’t be surprised if your kid flounders a bit! Telling your kindergarten teacher that your child “didn’t do that in preschool” comes across as a passive-aggressive way of saying it’s the teacher’s fault.
4. (When discussing seeking help with extra support staff such as psychologists, behavioral specialists, OT/PT): “So what expertise do they have that you don’t?”
– Zak R., kindergarten teacher, Philadelphia, PA.
This sort of comment is best unsaid. You know what expertise a psychologist, occupational or speech therapist has—so asking your teacher to list those credentials is just “incredibly insulting.”
5. “Where did you go to college?”
-Pete S., eighth-grade teacher, Los Angeles, CA
It’s natural to wonder about your kids’ teacher, but asking this question (especially in a public setting) makes your teacher feel like you’re questioning their intelligence.
Instead: Read up on your teacher’s qualifications at the back-to-school night (teachers usually give a handout with background information), or do your own research. No matter what, rest assured that your teacher knows what they’re doing.
6. Asking your teacher for the opinions of other teachers
-Michael W., third-grade teacher, Los Angeles
A close-knit staff doesn’t want to get into the nitty-gritty with parents. “We are all colleagues, and yes, most of us know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, but that doesn’t mean we want to share that.”
7. “I know you’re very busy, but…”
Michael W., third-grade teacher, Los Angeles
If you know they’re very busy, don’t ask unless it’s important.
8. “My child isn’t being challenged in math, reading, etc.
Michael W., third-grade teacher, Los Angeles
Many teachers have classes of 20 to 30 kids of varying abilities—while they try their best, they can’t always tend to the needs of particular children (especially in elementary schools where they teach ALL subjects).
Instead: Add extra at home or via extra-curricular activities/tutoring. “It’s not that we don’t care, we’re just really crunched for time. To prepare and implement 4-6 different levels is not reasonable.”
9. “I just don’t understand why my child is struggling in your class.”
-Anne V., second-grade teacher, Los Angeles, CA
This only makes teachers feel like you think they’re the reason your child is struggling.
Instead: Ask, “What do you think my child needs?” Then work with your teacher to help your child thrive.
10. “Do you have kids?”
-Madison S., fourth-grade teacher, Georgetown, SC
“In a normal conversation, I wouldn’t mind being asked if I have kids,” says Madison, “but if I’m trying to talk discipline with a parent and they ask that, then I’m offended as if they think I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
Instead: Just don’t.
11. “I’m not telling you how to do your job, but…”
-Amanda J., fifth-grade teacher, Georgetown, SC
But you just did.
Instead: Let your teacher do her job, and only offer to help if you think she needs it.
12. “Teaching is a noble profession.”
-Steve, fourth-grade teacher, Nassau County, New York.
“You’re saying the job sucks, and you make no money, and you get no respect from people,” he said.
Instead: Just say thanks.
13. ” I could never do what you do!”
-Melanie, high school teacher, Nassau County, NY
“That’s not really what they mean. They mean they’d never want to.”
Instead: Just say thanks.
14. “What did you want to do before you became a teacher?”
—Dan, high school teacher, Nassau County, NY
This suggests that being a teacher is a backup or that you think they should do something else.
Instead: Just don’t.
15.“My child said you didn’t teach the topics covered on the test.”
-Joe, high school teacher, Nassau County, NY
Give your teacher some credit and assume that everything on any test was taught at some point.
Instead: Ask the teacher how your child can better prepare for the next test.
16. “By the time my son gets all his work done for his important core classes, he’s too tired to do the work for yours. I’m sure you understand.”
-Kathryn, high school teacher, Nassau County, NY
You just called that teacher’s class “unimportant.”
Instead: Work with your child on figuring out how to get all the work done.
17. Talking about your child’s “giftedness” in front of other parents.
-Pete S., eighth-grade teacher, Los Angeles
If parents have questions about supporting their “gifted” child, they need to talk about it privately. “’My child is doing calculus in middle school; how will you make this class challenging for him/her/them?’ is an annoying and isolating question for other families in a group setting, and it also communicates to the teacher that parents don’t think the teacher is up to the challenge of teaching that student,” says Pete.
Instead: Address your concerns in an e-mail.
18. Going to the principal (or social media) before talking to the teacher about an issue.
-Amanda J., fifth-grade teacher, Georgetown, SC
“There are plenty of times when simply letting me know about something is all it takes to handle it. Similarly, if/when parents post complaints on social media without communicating directly with the teacher,” says Amanda.
Here are general phrases to avoid during a parent-teacher chat that can come off as critical, accusatory, or condescending:
“I’m not sure if you’re aware, but...” This is a backward way of saying that you think your teacher is slacking—or of making you feel better about being the whistleblower. Instead, be direct and express your concerns about the issue straight up. (I.e., My child said so-and-so bullied him in class. Can you help me get to the bottom of this?”)
“I’m sure you’re just having a bad day, but…” This automatically makes someone feel like you’re about to insult them because it’s usually followed by a negative comment.
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but…” This opening may put the teacher on guard (or make her think you are being difficult.). Just say what you want to say directly.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” – Despite your warning, whatever you’re going to say will likely be taken the wrong way (or you wouldn’t preface it as such). So say it differently.
Here are examples of more direct and assertive phrases:
“I’m wondering if you could tell me how my child is doing.”
“I’d love to know how to support my child at home.”
“I’d like to schedule a meeting to discuss my child’s progress.”
Time to learn what “Bruh, you left no crumbs on the field” means
When it comes to middle school slang, the first thing that comes to mind is Timothée Chalamet’s hilarious skit on SNL. And while kids today aren’t exactly that bad, some of the phrases they’re using are… confusing, to say the least. In a TikTok video, Mr. Lindsay, a middle school SPED teacher, shares all the words he’s heard in just one week. Though you’ve probably heard a few of them, most are going to require translation.
After all, as Mr. Lindsay points out, “If we don’t know what they’re saying, how do we know if they’re being inappropriate or not?” From “riz” to “left no crumbs,” here’s a breakdown of common middle school slang words parents should know. (Note: A number of these terms have been adopted from African-American Vernacular English.)
On God: A way of saying someone is telling the truth, a version of “I swear to God.”
She ate: Describing someone who looked amazing or did something perfectly.
Left no crumbs: A shortened version of “ate and left no crumbs,” meaning someone did something so well they took all the talent or skills for themselves and left none for anyone else.
Riz: Romantic appeal or charm/charisma. Being a smooth talker, having that “something special,” willing to put oneself out there.
GYAT: A shortened version of Godd*&*, typically used when referring to someone with a curvy backside. You might even hear something like “level 1 GYAT” or “level 10 GYAT.”
Fanum Tax: This word originated with a Twitch streamer who would jokingly eat parts of his friend’s meals. According to this YouTube video, Fanum himself claims it means “feed your friends.”
Cap: Lying for no reason. “Bruh, why you capping? I know you’re grounded from your phone.”
Bet: Kids use this term for a few different meanings, but the most common use is as “okay” or “agreed.” It also is a way of confirming a true statement.
Bruh: While this term stems from the word “brother” or “bro,” nowadays, it can be used for just about anything: to say hello, to convey disappointment, excitement, boredom, or whatever.
Gassing you up: To inflate a person’s ego, give them props and compliments, or lift them up when they feel down.
It’s giving: This is used to convey a similarity to a person or thing or even an era. For example, “Her outfit is giving ’90s.” It can also be shortened to convey a positive vibe. “It’s giving,” meaning you like it.
For real for real: Used to emphasize complete honesty. “For real for real, I aced that test.”
This goes dummy hard: A term often heard on TikTok that’s used to express admiration for something or someone exceptionally awesome. If you hear your kid say, “He went dummy hard on the field,” it means the player had a fantastic game.
Simping: From the word “simp, which has been shortened from “simpleton.” It refers to a boy who is so into a girl they can’t do anything but think about them. Someone who is “simping” on someone else will do almost anything for that person. For example, Kid A says, “I can’t wait to leave class, find Annie, and see what she’s doing.” Kid B says, “You’re simping,’ bro.” Usually has a negative connotation.
You’re not him: You aren’t that guy, and you’ll never be that guy.
Yeet: To throw something fast and hard, preferably screaming “Yeet” while doing so. It’s typically used when throwing something forcefully that you don’t care about.
Snatched: Popularized by the LGBTQ+ community, it takes the place of “perfection” or “on point.” For example: Your makeup is snatched.
Pick-me energy: Comes from the term “pick-me girl,” a person who does almost anything for male validation, including changing styles, interests, and hobbies to be accepted. It has turned into an insult, not unlike “simp,” and is almost always used negatively.
Slay: First popularized among the Black LBGTQ+ communities in the ’80s and ’90s, this term describes incredible fashion, music, and dance performances; it has expanded to mean “amazing job” for almost anything, similar to the term “killed it.” “Yes, girl, slay!”
Dead a**: A Gen Z and Gen Alpha way of saying “in all seriousness.”
Drippy: Used to express something cool or awesome, especially regarding fashion and clothes. It can be used to emphasize that a person has so much swag.
Bussin: Something is delicious. “My mom’s chicken casserole is so bussin.”
Safe to say, middle school slang has changed drastically from when we were roaming the halls. But hey, now that you’re more familiar with these terms, you might be able to work them into conversation with your big kid. Whether that makes you cool or a total dork remains to be seen.
There are plenty of things your kids wish they could ban. Broccoli for instance. Or bedtimes. But we’re guessing books wouldn’t make their list. Promote the power of “yes” by pulling these banned children’s books off the shelf and into your evening reading routine. You won’t be disappointed, and neither will the kids! Looking for other books for kids? Check out our collection of classic children’s books, our favorite bedtime stories, and books that feature diverse protagonists.
When you read this book title as a directive, rather than as an innocent and undeniably catchy rhyme, it’s easy to see why a Toronto father’s rights advocate challenged the wildly popular Dr. Seuss book. But pulling it from library shelves because it “encouraged children to use violence against their fathers” was only the tip of the iceberg for his 2014 challenge. He also thought the library should fork over some cash to cover “damages resulting from the book.”
Ages 3-7
If you haven’t read this story about humble, radiant Wilbur (a.k.a. Some Pig) then you’re in for a treat. Although a group of concerned parents disagreed in 2006. They tried to have this book banned from classrooms because they found the book’s talking animals to be disrespectful to God.
Ages: 8-12
Let’s be honest. This book is every parent’s fantasy. After all who doesn’t want a song-activated magic pot that cooks them dinner? The late Tomie dePaola’s classic tale of the Grandma Witch has been banned in several U.S. school libraries for promoting witchcraft.
Ages: 4-8.
It seems a certain 1987 version of this book would have fared better in Europe than it did in the States, where it was banned in both Michigan and New York in the mid-1990s. Although the story behind finding the now-infamous “nude bather,” that caused the version to be pulled from the shelves, has since been lost, we’re guessing it had something to do with one reader’s relentless search for Waldo.
Ages: 5-9
When it comes to dystopian novels, tweens, and teens just can't get enough of them. And Lois Lowry's Newbery Award-winning classic continues the trend. But parents in Blue Springs, Missouri grew concerned over "twisted" and "lewd" content in the book and tried to have it removed from an eighth-grade reading list in 2003. The good news is, the compelling story is continued on in three more books in the series.
Ages: 12 & up
Readers the world over love Harriet the Spy, because not only does she tells it like it is, she also rides a dumbwaiter, and who wouldn’t want to try that? Over the years, the book has been banned in school libraries because parents are concerned it teaches children to “lie, spy, talk back and curse.”
Ages: 8-12
Kids have loved the quirky drawings and odd poetry of Shel Silverstein for generations. But in 1986, the West Allis Milwaukee School District banned this particular poetry collection because of “drug reference, suicide, death and a disrespect for truth and authority.” Shortly after, a school district in Pennsylvania did the same.
Ages: 6-8
Magical wardrobes, talking lions and evil queens: Narnia’s got dibs on some of the best fantasy elements ever written. But the first book in this popular series was first banned in 1990 because adults were concerned by its “graphic violence, mysticism and gore.” Then in 2005, a group focused on the separation of church and state tried banning the book from Florida’s public schools after then-Governor, Jeb Bush, promoted it in a statewide reading contest.
Ages: 8 & up
The 10th most challenged and banned book of 2017, I am Jazz is an autobiographical picture book chronicling the early years of transgender reality TV star, Jazz Jennings. It first appeared on the banned list when a group of Wisconsin parents objected to its reading at school. They were concerned about sex education, language and offensive viewpoints.
Ages: 4-8
You’ve read this one to your sidekick so many times, you’ve got it memorized. But when this classic hit the scene in 1963, it caused quite a stir. Banned in many southern states for depicting child abuse (the no-go supper for Max), it’s also been challenged for being “too dark” and showing supernatural elements. If you’re looking for more books to put on your nighttime reading list try one of these all-time faves.
Ages: 4-8
The surprisingly dark tales spun by the Brothers Grimm have been challenged many times. But we bet the specifics behind this particularly gruesome classic will surprise you. Was it because of images of cannibalism? Or perhaps because it promoted unhealthy eating habits or tooth decay? Nope. In 1992 two witches challenged this book claiming it painted witches in a bad light.
Ages: 5 & up
This Newbery Award winner’s been challenged a few times for undermining religious beliefs, and in 1985 it was challenged at a Florida elementary school for promoting witchcraft, crystal balls and demons.
Ages: 10-14
First came Roy. Then came Silo. Then came a baby and made their family complete. Based on the true story of two male penguins at New York’s Central Park Zoo, this ALA Notable Children’s Book made its way onto the banned book list for featuring a same-sex relationship.
Ages: 2-5
More a case of mistaken identity than concern over content, Bill Martin’s classic children’s book was banned by the Texas State Board of Education in 2010. It turns out that the children’s author didn’t also pen Ethical Marxism: The Categorical Imperative of Liberation. Oops!
Ages: 2-5
If you think your house is filled with drama, you haven’t been to middle school lately. Get a refresher with this tween graphic novel that follows theater geek Callie as she strives to build a Broadway-worthy set and figure out … well, boys. But the real drama for this book came when it hit the banned children's book list in one school district and two school libraries in Texas because it features LGBTQ characters.
Ages: 10-14
We dare you not to shed a tear over this touching story of a selfless tree who loves a boy. But it was a cynical interpretation of the tree’s selfless giving as “sexist content” that landed this Shel Silverstein classic on a Colorado library’s banned book list in 1988.
Ages: 1-8
J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series has been translated into 68 different languages, distributed in over 200 different territories worldwide, and has sold over 450 million copies at last count. And the number of challenges and bans on this series, usually for depicting witchcraft and wizardry and promoting anti-family themes, is also impressive. By 2000, it had been challenged about 650 different times.
Ages: 8 & up
Another Newbery Award-winner, this story of friendship and loss is a definite tearjerker. But it wasn’t the tragic death of a friend that led the New Brighton Area School District in Pennsylvania to remove it from their 5th-grade classrooms. They were concerned about the disrespect, foul language and confusion that could be created when kids read about Terabithia, the fantasy world dreamed up by BFFs Jesse and Leslie.
Ages: 9 & up
Roald Dahl is no stranger to the banned book list. James and the Giant Peach is on there. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is too. But it’s his classic tale of a boy-turned-mouse and his cigar-smoking grandmother who fight against witches that continues to find its way onto the list again and again and again. It was challenged at least ten times in the late 1980s and early 1990s for things like “being too sophisticated” and “not teaching moral values.”
Ages: 8-12
Families coming in all shapes, sizes and colors is the theme of this popular Todd Parr book. But concerns over depicting families that have two moms or two dads kept this bold and colorful paperback off the shelves in the Erie School District in Illinois in 2012.
Ages: 5-6
One of Avi’s lesser-known works, it’s the story of 13-year-old Jonathan, who wants to fight beside his brother and cousin, against the British, during the Revolutionary War. This ALA-notable book was banned at the Bay District school library in 2008 over parent concerns around the use of profanity.
Ages: 9 & up
If your kid has read the book, watched the movie and bought the T-shirt, then you’re not alone. But you might be surprised to find that this popular Dave Pilkey series was at one time the most banned book in the country. In the early books, concerns were raised over content that wasn’t suited for the age group and encouraging disobedience. The release of the 12th book caused new concerns over references to Harold being gay.
Ages: 7-10
The powerfully poignant diary of Anne Frank, who spent two years hiding from the Nazis, with her family in the cramped “Secret Annexe” of an office building, often shows up on the banned book list. Although concern over sexually explicit material is the reason usually cited, once in 1983 the Alabama State Textbook Committee tried to ban it because they thought the diary was “a real downer.”
Ages: 10-13
This story of a donkey who wishes himself into a rock set off alarm bells with the Illinois Police Association. In 1977 they challenged the book because the police are depicted as pigs in the story. In the aftermath, it was banned in many parts of the U.S.
Ages: 3-7
If you cringe every time you read Junie B. Jones to your kids and she “runned speedy quick” or “did a shrug” or commits some other crime against grammar, you’re not alone. Most of the challenges to this series are about Junie’s speech patterns and the fact it might encourage young readers to follow suit.
Ages: 6-9
This book has been banned by a North Carolina school district claiming that the book taught children to be transgender. Jacob's New Dress is actually about acceptance and anti-bullying when Jacob wants to wear a dress to school.
Ages: 4-7
Maus has been banned in a Tennessee county for profanity, nudity, violence, and suicide, although it presents the argument of how to honestly portray the Holocaust without those things. Maus is a Pulitzer-prize-winning graphic novel that follows Spiegelman's parents' traumatic internment at Auschwitz.
Ages: 11 & up
'New Kid' was written by author Jerry Craft about his own life experiences, then a Texas school district banned it for "Critical Race Theory and Marxism." When Jordan Banks starts at a new private school, he was one of the only students of color, and he discovers this new struggle of fitting in when there is very little diversity. This banned children's book is the winner of the Newbery Medal, the Coretta Scott King Author Award, and the Kirkus Prize for Young Reader's Literature.
Ages: 8-12
The story of 13-year-old Lakshmi, a Nepalese girl who is sold into sexual slavery is a powerful, but not easy, read. Banned in multiple states for depictions of violent sexual content, this book is not for the faint of heart. Still, it's an important topic about a very real subject that affects humans all over the world. Ages: 14+
Christopher Paul Curtis' iconic historical fiction book tells the tragic true story of the 1963 church bombing in Birmingham, AL, through the eyes of 10-year-old Kenny, on a trip to see his grandma. Although it is a Newbery and Coretta Scott King Medal winner, it was banned in Utah and challenged in other states for what was deemed "offensive language." Ages 10 & up.
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Being a kid can be tough. Not only do they—at least, in their opinion—have people telling them what to do all the time, but situations like living with siblings, navigating school and friendships, and competing in sports regularly test their capacity to control their feelings. So, why are we surprised when kids reach a breaking point? We shouldn’t be—because unless they’re given the tools to cope with their emotions, a meltdown might be the only way they know how to respond to a challenging moment.
Here’s an example of one such tool: Parent coach Destini Ann Davis has implemented a system for her pre-teen daughter to use when she’s about to hit her breaking point. Her daughter has a code word that signals to her mother what she needs at that moment. Davis explains in a recent TikTok:
“I don’t want to teach my kids to catastrophize their anger, but I also don’t want to teach them to ignore it… We actually have a code word. It’s ‘pickles.’ When she says that, that is my cue to give her space from her sister without it hurting her sister’s feelings,” says Davis.
Using a code word isn’t just for dealing with siblings, though. Kids can use their code word just about any time they feel they’re about to lose control. It’s a way for them to express themselves without exploding. For instance, “Instead of telling her sister she’s so annoying, it’s ‘Mom, I need a space break,'” Davis says.
The mom of two also gives her oldest daughter phrases to use that represent the anger she’s feeling without escalating the situation. “All of these statements are about her focusing on one of three things: what’s happening, how she’s feeling about what’s happening, or what she needs to happen,” she explains. It’s all part of what Davis calls angry language for big kids, which helps them avoid catastrophizing events (e.g., “I hate my life) and brings everything back down to Earth (“I really don’t like this moment.”).
Viewers loved the idea of having safe ways to express feelings that don’t end in an outburst or breakdown, and using a code word especially resonated with parents who saw the video. One viewer commented, “I like the code word plan! My 8/yo needs to take independent play breaks, and it is hard for others to understand. Thank you for the phrases, too!” An educator agreed with the idea as well. “I’m a head middle school counselor… this is so beneficial and we try to use it in school. My favorite words are ‘peacock’ or ‘bubbles.’”
We think the idea of a code word is pure brilliance and something everyone should have put into action because, every so often, all of us could use a space break.
This year brings us adventures near and far and a celebration of history and culture like never before
This year has no shortage of outstanding children’s books, from new board books to picture books to chapter books they won’t be able to put down. We’ve started our list of the best children’s books of 2023 with a bang. This year we’re heading to Last Chance, Minnesota with Maizy Chen, taking a bath with chickens and hippos, and dancing in the rain under a bright yellow umbrella.
Board Books
Bee: A Peek-Through Board Book by Britta Teckentrup
Buzz through the seasons with the busy bee in this charmingly illustrated, interactive board book. The die-cut pages hold plenty of surprises for those little minds to discover. Plus, it teaches kids about the importance of bees.
Just in time for summer fun, tote this little board book along on your next camping trip and learn about the great outdoors and all the stars through shapes, sizes, simple facts, and colors.
With classics like Hippos Go Berserk(which recently celebrated its 45th anniversary) and The Going to Bed Book, Sandra Boynton has entertained generations of tiny ones with her rhyming joyful books. Her latest board book is a die-cut interactive book in her style, a celebration of the humble belly button.
How Do You Take a Bath? by Kate McMullan, illustrated by Sydney Hanson
Kate McMullan, the author behind I Stink and I’m Dirty, which inspired The Stinky and Dirty Show, is back with a board book themed around a relatable topic to babies and toddlers: bath time. Featuring animals like elephants, pigs, monkeys, and hippos, their bath time rituals don’t always involve what we think of as clean (chickens bathe in the dirt??).
The Sleepy Bunny: A Springtime Story About Being Yourself from DK Books, illustrated by Clare Wilson
Read the story of one sleepy little bunny with nocturnal tendencies, the book promotes social and emotional learning (SEL) themes by teaching children compassion toward others while maintaining a positive sense of self.
One incredibly kind crocodile leaves his pond and explores the world, spreading kindness and protection to other creatures. A darling board book from New York Times Illustrated Book Award-winning author Leo Timmers.
This adorable picture book is about a boy named Matthew who has Yeti-sized silly feelings and sometimes has a hard time keeping them inside. With a fun rhyming cadence and wonderful illustrations, kids will enjoy reading this book that shows that feelings are a good thing and that there are lots of positive ways to channel them.
Mother of Sharks by Melissa Cristina Márquez, Illustrated by Devin Elle Kurtz
World-renowned shark scientist Melissa Márquez teamed up with award-winning illustrator Devil Elle Kurtz to bring kids an epic picture book full of science and real-life adventure. Detailing the story of how Márquez grew from an ocean-loving kid in Puerto Rico to one of the most famous scientists today, the book is full of educational facts about sharks and seeks to dispel the misinformation about sharks. A gorgeous, intelligent book every kid should read!
Pick this one up for the father figure in your child’s life. Read it and act it out along with your kids as you imagine your body is a trunk and your arms branches. Find a nest in your hair and a squirrel on your shoulder. A beautiful story that celebrates the awe children have for adults and how important it is to just be silly sometimes!
Can We Please Give the Police Department to the Grandmothers? By Junauda Petrus, illustrated by Kristen Uroda
Based on the viral poem written by Coretta Scott King honoree Junauda Petrus after the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO in 2014, the poem—and the book—ask the question: what if grandmothers were the ones in charge of public safety? It’s radical, it’s full of joy, so is it really that out of the question?
The ABCs of Asian American History by Renee Macalino Rutledge, illustrated by Lauren Akazawa Mendez
Use the alphabet to learn about famous people, holidays, traditions, cuisine, and other facts from nineteen Asian American groups. A beautiful addition to any picture book collection, which will improve vocabulary while celebrating the diversity, resilience, and beauty of Asian American culture.
The Knowing by Ani DiFranco, illustrated by Julia Mathew
If you aren’t already a fan of feminist icon and Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Ani DiFranco, you will be after you read this new book with your children. Using succinct prose and gorgeous illustrations, children are encouraged to celebrate all of their own unique identities along with those of others.
Squid shines and he knows it, and he loves to be the center of attention. So much so, that he ignores the helpful suggestions of his friends to learn new things. But when he ends up in a colorful place where he isn’t the brightest creature around, Squid learns how to share the spotlight.
Peaceful Me by Sandra V. Feder, illustrated by Rahele Jomepour Bell
The duo behind Angry Meis back with another book aimed at helping children deal with big emotions. In this book, the main character explains times when he feels the most peaceful, offering kids and parents a gateway to talk about times that make them feel good, calm, and centered. (Pub date: May 2).
The muted tones of a dreary, rain-soaked day are pierced with the bright yellow of a tattered umbrella. An uplifting story, something tattered can be renewed as the shreds of this umbrella turn into a garden of cheerful yellow umbrellas, ready to be harvested so children can continue to play, even in the rain. The umbrella itself is a nod to Lichetenheld’s long-time collaborator, children’s book illustrator Amy Krouse Rosenthal, and the umbrella she used in her Beckoning of Lovely project.
The Night Before Freedom by Glenda Armand, illustrated by Corey Barksdale
A little eight-year-old boy gathers with his family in Galveston, Texas to celebrate Juneteenth, including his beloved grandma, and to hear his grandmother’s story of her own grandma’s experience of the first Juneteenth. The title and cadence are a nod to"The Night Before Christmas," leaving young readers with a moving, memorable story.
Remember by Joy Harjo, illustrated by Michaela Goade
Reconnect with US Poet Laureate Joy Harjo’s renowned poem, “Remember” in this edition paired with illustrations from Caldecott Medalist Michaela Goade. The words, “Remember the sky you were born under,” will take on new meaning as you read it with your child.
If your kids are fans of the Dory series, then you'll want to continue the fun with book six! In this installment, Dory loses her mother in the hardware store and then starts to worry that her mom might take off forever. The solution? To haunt her entire family so she'll never lose them again. In true Dory fashion, this book is filled with fun and adventures.
The Creative Writing Playbook For Kids ONLY! by Megan Wagner Lloyd, illustrated by Madeline Garcia
Whether on a road trip or a long plane ride, or looking to keep summer slide at bay, this wonderful interactive journal-creativity book marries ideas, inspiration, and illustrations to offer kids a way to spark creativity and enjoy the art of storytelling. Kids will learn to build character arcs, draw scenes, make their own graphic novels, and more!
Mission: Arctic by Katharina Weiss-Tuider, illustrated by Christian Schneider
Explore the Arctic with this richly detailed picture-book-style chapter book that's full of scientific information about the unique ecosystem of the Arctic and how it is changing before our eyes. Kids will go on a journey to discover the real-life 2019 expedition of the MOSAiC, the largest Arctic expedition to date. Includes photos from the expedition, illustrations, facts, discoveries, and harrowing tales!
Weird But True Know-It-All: Middle Ages by Michael Burgan
Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the Middle Ages (and maybe a few things you didn’t!) is packed into this richly illustrated book. Just don’t be surprised when the kids bust out some facts about the plague or pits of fire.
She Persisted: Florence Nightingale by Shelli R. Johannes and Chelsea Clinton
Did you know that Florence Nightingale knew she wanted to be a nurse when she was a teenager? And though her parents tried to convince her it wasn’t suitable for a woman, she persisted and as a result, she saved countless lives. The world would not be the same if it weren’t for her, and this celebration of her resilience and rebel spirit is a joy to read. And yes, it’s that Chelsea Clinton.
A gothic mystery for middle graders, for kids who like to keep things on the spooky side, the Sinister-Winterbottom twins will be their new heroines. The second book in the Sinister Summer series had siblings Theo and Alexander trying to solve the mystery of the Sanguine Spa. A clever, intelligent book that is equal parts intrigue and fun.
In this National Book Award finalist and Newbury Award-winning book, we meet Maizy Chen and her mom as they head to Last Chance, Minnesota (where she and her family are the only Asian Americans) to visit her sick grandfather. The plan is to stay for just a couple of weeks until he is better, but as the stay extends, Maizy learns more about her family and has plenty more questions for her mom. Though the hardcover came out late last year, April 4 marks the release date of the paperback.
If you love books like Percy Jackson and the Olympians, add the Lia Park books to your cart ASAP. The second book in the series finds 12-year-old Lia and her friend Joon on a mission to keep magical heirlooms safe while thwarting sabotage from an enemy. (Pub date: May 30).
An abandoned museum makes the perfect backdrop for a middle-grade novel that tackles the anxiety of being separated from a best friend and how we grow up in the process. Young Vanessa’s bestie Bailey has left, and when Vanessa stumbles on an empty museum, she begins to fill it with objects, mementos, and her own memories. (Pub date: May 16).
This Is Our Rainbow: 16 Stories of Her, Him, Them, and Us, Edited by Katherine Locke and Nicole Melleby
Now in paperback, the first LGBTQIA+ anthology for middle graders includes stories for each letter of the acronym, from fantasy to sci-fi to realistic fiction; authors include Eric Bell, Justina Ireland, Shing Yin Khor, Nicole Melleby, Marieke Nijkamp, and so many more.
Dog Man: Twenty Thousand Fleas Under the Sea by Dav Pilkey
Dogman fans will be thrilled to know that book #11 in the popular series came out to rave reviews in late March. In the latest installment, Piggy is back and he has—surprise—a diabolical plan up his sleeve in this new Dogman for 2023.
A young boy struggles with his body image in this book written in a long poem form that appears in Will’s journal. Along with illustrations, this book is the raw and painful truth of body dysmorphia, fatphobia, and bullying, but also with a message of hope and self-appreciation. It’s a startlingly honest read, told in a way that kids can relate to. Whether they experience these feelings on the daily or they need to develop empathy, this book is the perfect read before entering middle school!
Barb and the Battle for Bailiwick (Barb the Last Berzerker 3) by Dan Abdo and Jason Patterson
Barb the Berzerker is back in the third graphic novel in the series written by the dynamic Dan & Jason duo. This time we find Barb being held prisoner by Witch Head only to be rescued by Raven, Barb’s Berzerker mom. But Witch Head will stop at nothing to take down the mother-daughter duo. A hilarious read, get the other two books and read them before this one is released on August 22.
A middle school math teacher is going viral on TikTok for using dating advice to make her algebra lessons both relatable and memorable for her students
How do you make middle schoolers understand and remember math principles? As a 30-something, I sure couldn’t tell you—there’s not one lesson from a single algebra class I ever took that I can recall. But one math teacher has found the best way. Her secret? Talking about her exes.
Ms. Diamond, a math teacher known as @captainch4risma on TikTok, has tons of viral videos where she shares incredibly fun and relatable lessons with her class. This one about functions, for example, is inspired by her dating history—which isn’t all that different from students’ own messy love lives, as it turns out.
In algebra, functions describe a relationship between an independent variable and a dependent variable, represented by X and Y. In Ms. Diamond’s lesson, “Every X has to have a Y,” and to demonstrate, she leads her students through a hilarious call-and-response exercise about her dating past.
“When you think about X, you think of ‘my ex.’ And when you think about Y, you think of ‘why did I date you?'” she says. Then, she uses the dating analogy to help her students understand the limits of functions, asking, “Can X repeat itself?”
The answer is no, because if it does, it’s “not a function,” just like going back to an ex is “not functioning” in your life.” As Ms. Diamond puts it, “You broke up with them one time for a reason, you probably gonna break up with them again for the same reason.”
The function lesson is great, but it’s not her only one. Ms. Diamond also has tons of great videos where she leads her kids through remixes of songs—only in true math teacher style, she’s rewritten the words to be about math.
We especially love this one on dividing fractions, where her kids sing a song about how you “flip it and reverse it” (get it? Because when you divide fractions, you flip the second one and then multiply them).
These new Netflix kids’ shows and movies coming in October are perfect for when the kids need downtime
Fall is officially here, which means chillier days and many excuses to relax on the sofa. Netflix’s October lineup is jam-packed with new releases and family favorites. No matter what you like to watch, there are plenty of new Netflix kids’ shows and movies this month. Family favorite Kung Fu Panda is back and there are a few new additions for Halloween, too. All that’s left is to decide what they want to watch first.
New Netflix Kids’ Shows and Movies Coming in October
Oct. 1
The Adventures of Tintin
This animated film is based on the comics of the same name. When young journalist TinTin buys a miniature version of a legendary pirate ship, he is unknowingly thrust into an adventure that involves traveling the world, looking for sunken treasure, and avoiding some nasty pirates. And he does it all with the help of his trusty sidekick Snowy.
The Amazing Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man 2
While the Andrew Garfield version of New York’s favorite superhero might not be the favorite of the comic book film adaptations, these movies are still action-packed fun for the whole family.
Casper
This modern take on a classic cartoon character spins the story of an afterlife therapist and his daughter becoming friends with a friendly spirit after they move into a crumbling mansion.
Drake & Josh: Season 1-3
In this classic Nickelodeon series, two stepbrothers learn to live together and navigate high school even though they’re very different people.
Kung Fu Panda
Go back to where it all began for Po and his ninja master friends. Enjoy the discovery of the dragon warrior all over again with this animated classic.
The Little Rascals
Based on the classic “Our Gang” movie shorts from the ’20s and ’30s, Little Rascals follows the adventures of Alfalfa, Darla, Stymie, Spanky, Waldo, and more.
Megamind
This hilarious animated film about an overly smart reformed super-villain alien is back on Netflix. Starring the voice talents of Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Tina Fey, Brad Pitt, and many more, this is a perfect choice for family movie night.
Oct. 2
Strawberry Shortcake and the Beast of Berry Bog
In an all-new special, the Berry Scary Fright Night Carnival has arrived in Big Apple City and Strawberry Shortcake must solve the mystery of who is trying to spoil the fun.
Oct. 10
Blippi’s Big Dino Adventure
If you didn’t catch Blippi’s feature film debut this summer, here’s your chance. In this 60-minute length film, Blippi and Meekah set out on their biggest and best dinosaur adventure yet. They’ll meet up with friends like Park Ranger Asher and help to find some missing dino eggs before they hatch.
Oct. 12
LEGO Ninjago: Dragons Rising: Season 1: Part 2
The key to stopping the MergeQuakes from reaching their tipping point lies in the Dragon Cores. Can the Ninja find all three before it’s too late?
Oct. 13
Spy Kids, Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams, Spy Kids 3: Game Over
Now that you’ve seen the remake, how about going back to the beginning with the original trilogy? Follow Juni and Carmen as they follow in their super spy parents’ footsteps and help save the world with the help of some super cool spy gear.
Oct. 16
Oggy Oggy: Season 3
Kind and curious kitty Oggy Oggy wants to spread joy to all his friends and neighbors. But sometimes, he gets into playful mischief instead. Miaow!
Oct. 17
I Woke Up A Vampire
On her 13th birthday, Carmie discovers that she’s half vampire—and she must learn to navigate middle school while learning to control mythical powers like strength, super speed, and power blast. A fun new TV show for tweens.
Oct. 23
Princess Power: Season 2
When there’s trouble in the Fruitdoms, these princess pals join forces to help each other—because sometimes problems are too big for just one princess!
Oct. 24
Minions
Gru’s sidekicks get their own feature-length film with this spin-off of the Despicable Me franchise. Find out where the minions came from and why they are obsessed with bananas.
Oct. 25
Life on Our Planet
Life as we know it has fought an epic battle to conquer and survive on Planet Earth. There are 20 million species on our planet in 2023, but that number is just a snapshot in time—99% of Earth’s inhabitants are lost to our deep past. The story of what happened to these dynasties—their rise and their fall–is truly remarkable.
From foreign language classes to programs with Juilliard and out-of-state trips, the British International School of Chicago, Lincoln Park is thinking outside the textbook with their curriculum.
Education is evolving—and we’re not just talking about the “new math” that likely stumped your household a few years back. School curriculums are expanding past typical subjects, and incorporating a cross-curricular learning approach that fuels children with skills and values to help them thrive in a rapidly changing world.
At the British International School of Chicago, Lincoln Park (BISC-LP), a private international school for students ages 15 months to 11 years old, students are cultivating this fresh approach. With its immersive experiences in languages, the arts, sciences, and civic responsibility, BISC-LP is helping shape students into well-rounded individuals.
Keep reading to discover seven of BISC-LP’s cross-curricular learning programs that are preparing kids for a bright future!
To help children thrive in an increasingly interconnected world, BISC-LP immerses students into modern foreign languages throughout their entire academic career at the school. Beginning as young as 15 months old in BISC-LP’s pre-nursery program, and continuing through primary school at age 11, students are taught English, French, and Spanish.
In collaboration with The Juilliard School, UNICEF, and MIT, BISC-LP helps students discover their passions with special lessons in music, dance, drama, STEAM, and environmental awareness. In the past, children have been able to sharpen their performing arts skills with visiting artists from Juilliard, tackle hands-on activities with global peers and MIT professors, and work on sustainability projects, from building raised planters to creating rooftop gardens.
Through challenging, STEAM (science, technology, engineering, the arts, and math) courses, children are empowered to be ambitious, confident, and inspired. Students also have access to BISC-LP’s STEAM corridor that touts state-of-the-art materials, like green screens for filmmaking and robotics equipment.
Field trips are taken to a whole new level at BISC-LP. Children of all ages can either participate in local urban adventures to cultural and historical destinations, hone their wilderness skills at a sleep-away camp in Michigan, or hit the ski slopes in Wisconsin. Middle-school students have the unique opportunity to join an international sporting event, known as Global Games, with peers from across the Americas who are within the Nord Anglia Education network. Think of it like a junior high-only Olympics!
BISC-LP is all about igniting students’ passions—especially within an age-appropriate environment that infuses a balanced level of competition and encouragement. Students can sign up for a variety of clubs, like taekwondo, chess, musical, rock band, mathletes, dance team, basketball, soccer, and cricket. Trust us when we say, there’s even more for your child to choose from.
Known as Global Campus, this exclusive online learning platform allows children to connect with peers of the same age from BISC-LP’s family of schools all around the world. Students receive access to one-of-a-kind learning activities and resources from global experts to further develop their problem-solving and creative thinking skills.
At BISC-LP, children are guided to be well-rounded individuals both inside and outside the school. As a result, the school community takes part in local charity events and holds various collection drives throughout the year to donate to organizations, such as the Cradles to Crayons, Boys and Girls Club of Chicago, and Lurie’s Children’s Hospital, to name a few. Children also work with UNICEF on worldwide relief efforts and raise money to fund educational opportunities for children in need.
Book a tour or attend the British International School of Chicago, Lincoln Park’s upcoming Open House, happening November 5 & January 6 from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.
Here’s the truth about your big concerns from the early years all the way through high school
From the first goodbye in kindergarten to the last day of twelfth grade, sending our kids to school means letting go a little bit every day. And for many parents, that nudge out of the nest brings up ALL the parental concerns. Questions run the gamut, from “Will my kindergartener get lost on her way to the bathroom? ” to “What if my college-bound kid doesn’t get good grades?” But teachers say to take a deep breath!
“What does worry actually contribute? A lot of times parents feel that it’s their responsibility and role to worry, but we’re having an epidemic of anxiety among young people right now. A lot of people point to technology, but I would also point to this culture of worry that parents have picked up,” said former Los Angeles school principal Bruce Harlan, who currently teaches middle school science.
Worried now? Don’t be. Whether you’ve got a kid just starting their school journey or a teen almost at the end, we talked to teachers about common parental concerns—and why you can rest easy knowing that your kids will be fine.
Preschool/Kindergarten/First Grade
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The Worry: Your child will get lost on the way to or from the bathroom (or the cafeteria or any other place inside the school).
The Truth: They might. But someone will help them find their way. “This happens all the time. It’s always within the first week. It’s all hands on deck that first week. Parents need to remember that school is a very safe place. There are teachers and support staff everywhere, and everybody knows that in the first few weeks of school, you’re going to find a random kindergartener wandering the halls,” said Los Angeles elementary school teacher Anne Vanderpool.
If your child is worried about getting lost, you can help ease the jitters by practicing. Stick around after school and walk around the school with your child (especially the way to and from the bathroom and classroom). By the first week or two of the school year, even the youngest of students will find their way.
The Worry: Your child will have a potty accident.
The Truth: Many do.
It is common for preschoolers, kindergarteners—and even older kids— to have an occasional accident said Amanda Yuill, a longtime teacher and educational spokesperson, on her website. “For this reason, it is a good idea to ask parents to send a labeled bag with extra clothes you can keep in the classroom if you are teaching kindergarten.” “If there is a child in an older class who still has trouble with this, you can do the same thing with just that child and not the whole class.”
Experts say some kids are just too shy to use the bathroom—whether it’s because they are too embarrassed to raise their hand to ask or they’re worried another schoolmate might hear them going (this is mortifying for some kids!). To help ease these worries (and yours), have a conversation with your child about their concerns—and how the alternative (wetting their pants) may actually be more problematic than not going in the first place. If they keep holding it in, talk to the teacher about letting your child use a single-stall bathroom (for instance, in the nurse’s office), which may alleviate their shyness.
The Worry: You’re wondering if you should hold your child back from kindergarten.
The Truth: More time is usually a good thing
According to Vanderpool, one of the most common questions she gets from parents is whether they should hold their younger children (those with late summer birthdays) back for kindergarten. She said she almost always thinks it’s a good idea to do so. “It varies by child, but always my reaction was to ask them a question back. I’d ask them, ‘Tell me when you had too much time to do something, and tell me when that was a problem for you.”’
Holding kids back—mainly when they are on the younger side for kinder—usually helps them by giving them the time they need to mature into ready-to-learn students. When it comes to kids in the middle of the age net, Vanderpool says the answer isn’t always as clear. “It might be OK. But then I ask the question, ‘How do you want your senior year to go? They’re going to be 18 before they start their senior year. Do you want them to be closer to 20 in their freshman year of college?'”
The Worry: Your kindergartener/first grader isn’t reading as well as some of her peers.
The Truth: Some kids take longer than others—and that’s OK.
AnnMarie Sossong, a reading specialist in Florida, told US News and World Report,“Some children are ready to learn to read at age 3, and some take much longer. I have seen both, and by age 12 or 13, they are reading at the same level, which seems counter-intuitive, but it is not. When they are ready, they are ready, and everything clicks.” And while there seems to be a national push for kids to read earlier and earlier, literacy expert Timothy Shanahan said children only really need to master around 20 sight words by the end of kindergarten and 100 by the end of first grade.
The Worry: Your child has separation anxiety when you drop him off.
The truth: Your kids are (almost always) fine once you leave.
The trick to easing the separation and making your child realize that school is non-negotiable is to be confident at dropoff. “It’s a transition issue. Most of the time, the parent has the hardest time with this—the kids are completely fine. Your child is probably four or five, and you’ve fixed everything up to this point. This is the first time they’re going to do it themselves. The worst thing you can do is tell them they can’t do it. Just swallow the tears for a minute, give them your brave face, and say, ‘I’m so proud of you. You’re going to be great. I’ll see you in a few hours,’” says Vanderpool.
The Worry: Your kid isn’t learning how to spell correctly.
The Truth: Spelling doesn’t matter until later on (and some teachers say it is a nonissue even then).
There’s no denying that kiddified spelling is adorable, but at what point should you correct those cute little misspells and teach your kid the proper way to spell those tricky words?
Not in kindergarten or first grade, say teachers. “There’s a heavier focus on fluency and building confidence [in kinder and first grade], and then you circle back to the nitty gritty later in second and third grade,” said Vanderpool. Even later on, when they’re in upper grades, spelling isn’t the obstacle it used to be, with some teachers admitting that in the age of spell-check and voice type, spelling isn’t as important as it used to be. Dierdre Amey, a third and fourth-grade teacher in Philadelphia, PA, says, “Don’t sweat it if your students are not the best spellers in the upper grades. There are so many strategies and accommodations available for their children via computer.”
Elementary Years
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The Worry: Your child doesn’t seem to like school.
The Truth: How worried you should be depends on the reason.
This is a tricky one, teachers say, since some kids may legitimately be struggling while others don’t like school simply because they’d rather be elsewhere. “Ask your child, ‘Why?’ He might say, ‘Oh, it’s boring.’ Or, ‘I don’t have any friends.’ Or, ‘It’s too hard.’ All of these are great responses that should be explored. Sometimes it’s just a preference; there’s no real good reason; it’s just that your child would rather be home playing video games,” said Vanderpool.
For better or worse, not liking school is a common predicament—especially as kids get older. A 2020 survey of more than 21,000 American high schoolers showed that the top two feelings students said they experienced at school were “stressed” (79.8 percent) and “bored” (69.5 percent), with nearly 75 percent of their self-reported feelings about school being negative.
Friendships play a big part. According to a University of Illinois study, kids with “reciprocal friendships” were more likely to like school and be more academically successful. Similarly, a Gallup poll found that friendships were the biggest predictor of student engagement in both fifth grade and 11th. Talk to your child about whether they have friends at school; if not, try to set up some time with their peers to forge better relationships.
“If we are to help kids gain happiness from their education in the short and long term, we need to bring to bear more resources to facilitate friendship, which tends to solve both the loneliness and boredom problems.” Arthur C Brooks writes in The Atlantic.
The Worry: Your kids’ teachers don’t give enough homework—or your kid doesn’t want to do it.
The Truth: Homework isn’t how young kids learn best anyway.
Dierde Amey, who has been teaching elementary school for 19 years, says “It is the least effective method for learning at a young age.” In fact, a study from the University of Missouri found no academic advantage to doling out homework in elementary school. For middle schoolers, however, homework does help—but only if the work lasts between one to two hours per night (after that, achievement levels don’t change, experts say).
If your school does a “Student of the Month” certificate (or anything like that), it may be disappointing when you don’t see your little scholar standing in the spotlight. Try not to worry.
“Short of a Nobel or Pulitzer, most awards don’t really have a long-term effect on anyone’s life. How many adults can truly point to a childhood award making a deep impact on their future?” teacher Braden Bell told the Washington Post. Parents can use these moments to build empathy, as he did himself when his son didn’t get an award in kindergarten—but a good friend did. “I explained that feelings are like living things, whichever one he fed would get bigger. He realized that he had a choice: He could focus on his own unhappiness or be happy for his friend.”
The Worry: Your child didn’t get into the Gifted and Talented program.
The Truth: It doesn’t mean your child isn’t smart.
Parents often misunderstand the Gifted and Talented (GATE) program as a Smart Kids Club. But teachers say that’s not really the case. “The Gifted and Talented program is not for good students. It’s for kids who learn differently, who can excel in a program that offers a different style of learning,” said Vanderpool. Of course, this reality doesn’t stop parents from wondering how they can “get their child into” the program.
“Holy moly, I had so many parents want to have a personal conference with me about how they’re going to GATE test and their expectation for this child to pass. My greatest recommendation is for parents to be a little more informed and realize it might not be a good fit for your child,” she says.
If your child does get into the program, take that as a cue that maybe your child needs alternative types of teaching, and discuss how you can accommodate these needs at home and as your child grows.
The Worry: Your kid lost (or keeps losing) a game.
The Truth: Consider it a win.
You’re holding your breath as your child steps up to the plate. They swing… miss… and strike out. What do you do now? Cheer, of course! “They don’t have to win. All you really need to say to your kid after a game—win or lose—is ‘I love watching you play,'” said Bruce Harlan, who also worked as a swim coach before his experience teaching middle school.
Here’s the real win: Losing has been shown to help kids. A 2019 Brigham Young University study found that high school students who had participated in youth sports showed higher levels of resilience—as well as self-regulation and empathy—than students who didn’t participate.
“Learning to cope with loss is important because they’re not always going to win later in life. It’s an important skill to develop, to lose with grace, not to blame other people, and to take responsibility for the loss,” psychologist Dr. Kate Lund said in this article.
Parental Concerns About Middle & High School
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The Worry: Your child is dealing with social drama.
The Truth: Don’t get involved (unless you have to).
Harlan, who has been working with kids for 33 years, says “Adolescents ride an emotional roller coaster. The role of the parent is to be steady and calm and not ride that roller coaster with them. This is normal socialization. Kids are going to get feedback from their peers—and often not in a gentle way—about how to be. That is how they learn, and sometimes it is painful.”
That means if your daughter comes home complaining that a friend was mean to her in school, resist the urge to call that friend’s mom. “It sends a bad message to the kids that, ‘Wow, this thing that I brought home must be really important because now all the adults are getting involved,'” says Harlan.
The other unintended consequence is that kids might stop sharing their troubles with parents to avoid them stepping in (which can be embarrassing for most kids). “You want open communication, but sometimes kids will stop telling their parents because they don’t want their parents to overreact,” Harlan said.
The Worry: You’re putting too much pressure on grades.
The Truth: The grades aren’t what matters most.
Sure, you want your kids to do well in school—but how much pressure is too much? “Don’t care more than your kid cares. The teacher will reach out if concerned. And stay off the grading websites,” said Kate England, a 10th-grade civics teacher in Abington, PA.
Instead, focus on effort… and kindness. It sounds hokey, but experts say that if parents worry less about grades and more about teaching decency, good grades will follow naturally. A study done by Arizona State University found that teaching children kindness and compassion—instead of focusing solely on academic achievement and extracurricular activities—helped kids do better in school. Researchers looked at the school performance of 506 sixth-grade students, then asked what their parents valued the most about them. The kids that performed the best in school were the ones whose parents seemed to value kindness more than grades.
In this article, Suniya Luthar, a professor of psychology at ASU said, “When parents emphasize children’s achievement much more than their compassion and decency during the formative years, they are sowing the seeds of stress and poorer well-being. In order to foster well-being and academic success during the critical years surrounding early adolescence. . . parents should accentuate kindness and respect for others at least as much as (or more than) stellar academic performance and extracurricular accolades.”
The Worry: Your child wants to be/can’t get into AP classes?
The Truth: AP Classes aren’t always a good thing.
AP classes sound good. After all, they give your kid a chance to earn college credit while still in high school (Woohoo! No math class freshman year at university!). But many teachers advise against them—and some, like these eight private schools in Washington DC—are doing away with them altogether.
“The truth is that college courses, which demand critical thinking and rigorous analysis, look nothing like AP courses, which stress breadth over depth. Moving away from AP courses will allow us to offer courses that are foundational, allow for authentic engagement with the world and demonstrate respect for students’ intellectual curiosity and interests,” the schools said in a joint statement published by The Washington Post.
Instead of worrying about AP courses, let your kids enroll in interesting electives. “Let them take cooking, sewing, and art even though those classes don’t boost GPAs. They make for a well-rounded student who isn’t stressed beyond belief,” advises England, a teacher of 17 years.
Harlan echoed her thoughts. “There’s no joy in AP classes. It’s a drill-and-kill type of instructional style that is so old-fashioned and goes against everything we know. . . Even the colleges don’t like them because once you’ve gotten credit, you cant retake it in college… but you don’t get the same level of instruction you do in college.”
The Worry: Your child’s SAT scores aren’t great.
The Truth: SATs aren’t always required.
While SATs used to be the gold standard by which every student measured their college-bound worth, that has changed. Today more than 80 percent of US colleges have “test-optional” applications, meaning SAT scores are not required for admission. The California State University system went a step further when it announced in 2022 that it won’t accept SATs or ACTs in the application process for any of its 23 schools—so kids don’t have to worry about whether or not they should “option-in” their scores when applying.
“The era of standardized testing is starting to slide away,” Harlan said, adding that the same is true for tests kids take in elementary and middle school. “Most of the high schools in our area aren’t even accepting them anymore.”
The Worry: Your kid isn’t who you thought they’d be.
The truth: Love the kid you’ve got.
Parents often despair when their kids grow up to be a different person they’d imagined they would be—whether that means that you expected your kid to love sports and they only love computers; or whether you hoped for a cheerleader and got a bookworm. All this worry goes nowhere, experts say.
“Parents start to graph out the life of their kids, and they extrapolate all the way to graduate school. That is not fair to the kids. It’s their life, their ups, and downs,” Harlan said. Instead, he emphasized loving the kid you have. “You don’t order a fully-baked human being when you have a kid. Stop worrying about how you thought things would go for your kid.”
And don’t feel guilty about your feelings. Doctors say it’s normal to feel some loss when our children don’t grow up to be what we thought they’d be. But don’t let those expectations dictate how you treat your child. “When our fantasies about our children do not coincide with their interests, talents, and tendencies, our expectations can strike a debilitating blow to our children’s development. Accepting these losses and mourning them opens our eyes to what we can celebrate about our children.” psychotherapist David Braucher said in Psychology Today.
Mom groups these days are buzzing with school picture chatter: What should our kids wear? Which package should we purchase? But I’ll let you in on a secret that has allowed me to gleefully bypass the forced seasonal ritual. I never, and I mean never, buy school pictures—and I absolutely don’t feel bad about it.
Let’s journey back to my 1980s childhood. Picture day was a huge deal, but even more important was the day our packages arrived. We’d take the white-with-clear-window folders home to our parents, who would get out their best scissors and carefully cut out the photos.
Then there was that magical moment when we were handed several of the tiniest photos called mini wallets. (Why were they so tiny?) The next day, we furiously and excitedly traded those photos with our friends, sometimes signing the backs with our multicolored pens. Ah, nostalgia. But it’s not the 1980s or ’90s anymore.
Today, there’s little reason to purchase our own kids’ picture packages. Well, there is one good reason to cough up a bunch of your hard-earned dollars—and that’s parental guilt. Somehow, we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re obligated to buy our kiddo’s photos—no matter how terrible they are.
Then we have to display that classic 5×7 or 8×10 in a frame, in our home, for almost no one to ever see—ever. That is, if the photos even make it into a frame. Let’s be real. Most of us throw the pics into a to-be-dealt-with-later pile that is never actually dealt with.
The solution to this wasteful purchase is quite simple: Just don’t do it. Don’t purchase the gold package. Who needs 57 photos of their kid, plus the kid’s face on a pillow and two (bonus) keychains? Don’t talk yourself into the smallest package—which is never less than $30 for a mere four prints that we agreed you wouldn’t be hanging up anyway. Don’t be tempted by a “moderate” package, which will set you back about $75.
That money is better spent on clothes for your kids, lunch food, school supplies, or even splurge items for yourself. Pay to put gas in your car or put it toward a medical bill instead. There’s no rule that says you have to take out a second mortgage on your house or delay paying your rent just to buy your children’s school photos.
The reality is that many of us have multiple children. Even the cheapest school photo package, multiplied by two, three, or four (or more) adds up—fast. Not only are you forking over a lot of cash, but you’re buying items that will likely go unused and unappreciated.
Stop and think for a moment. What are you going to do with those photos, besides keep them in the envelope and shove them in a drawer? You’ll pull them out, years from now, and hand them over to your adult kid, who will, in turn, store them somewhere. Can we all agree on how silly this is?
My own parents recently handed over all of my leftovers—and you know what I did with them? Buried them somewhere I don’t even remember. Because what am I going to do with a 4×6 of my sixth-grade photo—the one where I cut my own bangs the night before and have a look of middle school torture on my face? That stack of photos will never see the light of day.
I get that many moms feel photo-guilt due to affordability. They think that other moms are buying photos, so they have to as well. But if you’re in this camp and your budget is already strained, I want you to know that not everyone buys the photos. I swear.
You aren’t a bad mom for rejecting the ridiculously overpriced packages. In fact, by deciding to spend your money on necessities instead of frivolous extras, you’re teaching your children financial responsibility. You should be applauding—not berating—yourself.
Now, if you’re a mom who adores your child’s awkward smile and cowlick-filled hair and you simply cannot pass up the photo with the customized background, I’m not throwing shade. It’s your money, it’s your home, and it’s your kid. Plus, there’s that rare situation when your child’s pose, outfit, or facial expression is so hysterical, you just have to purchase the pics. That’s absolutely fine. If you want to buy the custom photo blanket with your kid’s mug plastered all over it—you do you.
As for everyone else, if you’re on the fence about what to do, ask yourself a few questions. One, why do you want to order these photos at this time? Two, how many pics do you actually need? Three, what are you going to do with them—for real—once they arrive? If you don’t have a designated person or place for them and you’re only ordering out of guilt, do you really need to click the purchase button?
I have yet to order school photos, and my four kids simply don’t care. They know that it’s not the norm in our family, and they are perfectly content with the yearbook they receive every May. No mini wallets, school-photo-on-a-coffee-cup, or packet of prints necessary.
