ML Interest Tag: proud

When Your Toddler Absolutely Loses It in Public

By Leah Day

Twelve years ago. Storytime at the public library. Ten little three-year-olds sit on their bottoms watching the librarian perform a lively and entertaining puppet show. The children’s mothers lounge on the floor by their children, laughing along with them and delighting in the enraptured look on their young faces.

Except for one mother. Me. I try to look relaxed and engaged, but the truth is my internal pressure gauge is rapidly rising. Oakley is not sitting with me. He has wiggled out of my grasp and is now in the front of the room trying to converse with the puppets in the show. He keeps leaning his head into the puppet theater to see where they go when they are not on the stage. He is speaking loudly, asking the people in the audience where they are hiding, and pushing against the flimsy puppet stage in an uncoordinated manner.

“Oakley, come sit down,” I say as gently as possible. As if. I know all too well where this is heading. He shoots me a look, full of impish daring. I eye the nearest exit. It seems miles across the library. “Oakley, come here.”

I start to crawl up to where he stands in front of the crowd. My cheeks redden, and I feel uncontrollably hot. Why did I ever try to bring him here? Something about the fluorescent lights, the quiet tones, and the cavernous space always makes Oakley become unglued. I must have had a lapse in judgment when I thought it would be fun.

Oakley looks at me again, grins, and snatches a puppet right off the librarian’s hand. “No Oakley!” I half-shout and half-groan. I reach for him, but it is too late; he is off. All the mothers smile sympathetically at me, and the librarian pops her head up. “Uh-oh,” she says.

Uh-oh nothing… this is just the beginning. I stand up and walk swiftly after Oakley. I do not dare run in the library. “Oakley,” I call in my best public I-can-handle-this voice. “This is not funny. Come back.” He darts between two shelves of books and sprints with the puppet in his hand to the farthest recesses of the library; I am in hot pursuit. He weaves from one aisle to the next and squeals with delight as I gain on him. “Oakley,” I hiss when I think no one can hear. “Stop.”

He is little but nimble, and without sprinting, there is no way I can get him. He seems to know that I don’t want an embarrassing scene and uses it to his advantage. He zooms out to the study corral area and shrieks with unbridled joy. He is obviously enjoying the sound of his own voice bouncing off the high ceilings in this quiet atmosphere.

People all around the library are now watching: Many look annoyed, a few curious about who will win our little game of tag, and one or two look genuinely sympathetic. The puppet show lady is now standing up staring at our spectacle, and all the children who were watching her show are now watching our show. As he flies by the check-out area, another librarian calls out, “He can’t do that in here!” Obviously, I think, but I just smile at her and weakly reply that I know.

He spins down a reference aisle, and I start to lose it. I am now openly running, realizing that it is the only way. Again I hiss, “ Stop or I will pull your ear!” Somehow that sounds more dignified than shouting that I will spank him. I close the gap between us, then lunge. I grab the back of his shirt and pull him to me. His squeals of delight turn to screams of outrage. “Let me go. Let me go!” He thrashes and writhes, and I can barely hold him.

Tucking his 40-pound body under my arm in a football hold, I try to walk back to the children’s section to return the puppet. It is no easy task. Sweat covers my body. He is putting up an intense fight to match his intense fury. I return the puppet and beg forgiveness. The mothers are no longer smiling; many are averting their eyes.

I realize that I can not leave the library carrying him and our assorted bags while he is tantrum-ing, and we have to get out of here. So, praying no one in this library knows me, I take his jacket and tie it around his arms and torso like a straight jacket. I tie it in the back, grasp the knot tightly in one hand, hold our things in the other, and drag him against his will out of the library like a trussed turkey. Everyone watching us.

Finally, we make our way out the doors and onto the sidewalk. Exhausted and in desperate need of a regroup, I sit us both down on the curb. I look at Oakley. The fresh air has stilled him. He is not screaming anymore; he has moved on and is blissfully watching the cars pass by.

“Oakley, you can’t do that. It makes mama so sad.”

“You proud of me?” he asks.

“No, Oakley. I am angry that you ran away and screamed in the library.”

“Don’t be angry. Be proud!” Oakley grins wildly, and his eyes shine.

It is obvious that he doesn’t get it. He thinks that we just played a romping game of chase. He was only angry because he lost. Now he sparkles. “Ugh,” I groan. How can I love this little nut so much? Another trip to the library, another year off my life.

This story sums up Oakley’s and my life together. He has brought me to my knees countless times and filled my heart to the brim with pride. He has an incredible love of life and readiness to take on the world. Now, at 15, he bikes on six-foot-tall unicycles, does backflips, juggles, and still laughs with maniacal glee. He is still the same nut he was at three—and he still doesn’t do well keeping his bum on the floor.

Originally posted February 2019.

RELATED LINKS
Knowing When to Let My Son Take the Lead Has Never Been Easy
Loving My Wild Child Means Fully Accepting His Extremes
5 Ways to Deal with Toddler Tantrums (without Losing Your Cool)

Beginning in August 2019, my son Oakley and I will cycle across America over the course of three months. Oakley is a spirited 15-year-old boy who has always struggled to fit into the confines of mainstream culture. I am Leah, his mother—and we are ready for adventure.

 

 

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15 Easy Ways to Tell Kids You’re Proud of Them

by Leah R. Singer

It probably goes without saying that parents are always feeling proud of their kids for one reason or another, whether your son finished a difficult reading assignment or your daughter scored her first soccer goal. But just as important as their accomplishment is how you show your kids that feeling of pride. From words of advice to simple acts of kindness, here are 15 great ways parents can show their kids they are proud of them.

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1. Say "I'm proud of you." First and foremost, tell your kiddo you're proud of them when the time arises. You don't have to say this every day, but those words are encouragement are very meaningful to kids when they hear it from mom or dad.

2. Write them a note. Express pride by writing a little note or giving your little one a card or drawing that tells them you're proud of who they are as people or praises them for an accomplishment.

3. Talk about the obstacles. If your kid is struggling with an activity such as soccer or reading, offer support and recognize the obstacles he's facing.  At the same time, express your pride that your kiddo is facing those challenges.

4. Share some cookies. Nothing says love and pride like homemade chocolate chip cookies. Bake a batch of cookies and offer one to your son or daughter for being a great kid. Not a baker? Treat your kiddo to a cookie at the bakery counter at the grocery store instead.

5. Say you're proud in front of others. It's one thing if you tell your daughter you're proud of her. It's another when she hears you saying it to grandma or grandpa. Tell others how proud you are when your kids do something worthy of praise.

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6. Don't forget the small stuff. Of course, parents are proud when their son scores a goal or accomplishes a major milestone. But don't forget to show pride and offer words of encouragement when your kiddo does something small, such as help to set the table or read a book to her younger sibling.

7. Read a book to your kid about how you feel. Express pride through a children's book or story. After you finish reading the book, explain to your little one that the pride you feel is just like what the characters in the book feel.

8. Do an activity together. Show your kids how proud you are of them by participating in a family activity together. If your kids have been working on improving their physical activity, sign the family up for a 1-mile fun run and explain that it's a family reward.

9. Hug them. Showing affection is always a good thing. A hug not only expresses love but can also show your little one you're proud of them too.

10. Praise your son/daughter for the things they're working on. Recognize the process itself is an accomplishment. Tell your son you're proud of his work on accomplishing the larger goal still being worked on.

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11. Go to the park, a movie or an outing. If you want something more than words of encouragement, look for an activity to do together as a way to express pride. A trip to the park, movie or museum is a great expression of pride.

12. Tell them you're grateful to be their parent. We're proud of our kids for what they do, but make sure your little one knows you're also proud to be their parent, too.

13. Say "I believe in you." You've told your kiddo you're proud, but what about telling them you also believe in them and have confidence in their choices. That's a point of pride in itself.

14. Praise your kid for the great choices they make. Tell your little ones why you're proud of them by explaining how they've made good choices. Hearing that and the words of encouragement will only motivate them to continue their positive behavior.

15. Give a small gift. You don't want to make it a habit of expressing pride through gift-giving. But perhaps there's a special circumstance when your kid has been working hard on accomplishing a goal. When she reaches the goal, give her a small gift and tell her how proud you are.

moms getting kids involved in the kitchen
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16. Let your kiddo decide what's for dinner. Maybe you have a picky eater at home who just went an entire week eating her veggies. Express your pride in that accomplishment by letting her pick the Friday night dinner.

17. Say "thank you." It's often these words of encouragement and daily conversations with our little ones that the greatest impact. Expressing thanks is just one way to share words of encouragement and pride.

18. Point out the positive in a negative situation. So often, we get too focused on the negative situations that occur every day. For every negative instance, try focusing on something positive your kiddo did and tell him you're proud of that.

19. Don't forget to be proud if they own up to their mistakes. Your son may have accidentally broke an item at home, but he told you what happened. It's okay to be upset about the broken object, but make sure to tell your son you're proud that he told the truth. This will make future confessions easier.

20. Hang the accomplishment on the fridge. If you're proud your kiddo did well on an exam or drew a pretty picture, display it proudly on the refrigerator or bulletin board for family and friends to see.

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12 Things to Do with Your Family (That Don’t Involve Politics)

by Leah R. Singer

The holidays mean gathering together as a family. Yes, even that family. In hopes of making the season jolly for all, we’ve come up with an essential list of activities and ice breakers that’ll keep politics and other negative topics out of the conversation and focus on fun instead. From old-fashioned board games to cooking together and sharing treasured stories, here are 12 things to do instead of getting mad about opposing views.

Happy grandparents spending time with their grandchildren sit on a couch laughing
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1. Share what each family member is thankful for. There's nothing better to help stem negative energy than to focus on positive things. While gathered around the Thanksgiving or holiday table, ask each family member to share what they are grateful for and why.

2. Everyone shares what they’re reading and recommends a book. This year has been a great one for new kids' books, and sharing recommendations is a great conversation starter. Ask each family member to share what they're reading and recommend a book they love.

3. Pull out an old photo album and talk about the pictures. Your kids will enjoy hearing the stories behind old photos, and your parents or other relatives can fill in the blanks.

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4. Play a board game or cards. There's nothing like the friendly family game of Sorry or Go Fish to get family focused on some friendly competition rather than political speak. Don't just stick with the old classics though. There are tons of new board games your family members (young and older) will love, including Mickey and Friends Food Fight, MONOPOLY®: Care Bears™ Edition, Rhino Hero Junior and Super Mario Labriynth. 

5. Work together to create family placemats, napkin rings and table decorations. Working together on a project brings people together collaboratively instead of conversations that tear us apart. Get family members together to engage in activities and create items, such as placemats and napkin rings for the Thanksgiving or holiday table.

6. Share favorite family stories from the past. Everyone has a story to tell, and family gatherings are a great place to share them. Write down some of the grandparents’ stories to make sure those tales are recorded. Check out these games and story prompts to help as ice breaker games and bring out the treasured family stories and memories.

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7. Cook together. It's tough to argue about politics when good food is available. Steer the conversations away from arguments and focus on cooking together. These new family cookbooks offer great recipes that are easy for kids and adults to make together. The family will be so proud of their delicious creations that (hopefully) they'll forget about negative disagreements.

8. Share a happy personal milestone or memory from this past year. Keep the conversation around the table positive by asking each family member to share a proud personal milestone or memory from the past year.

9. Ask random questions as conversation starters. Ask questions that have nothing to do with politics, and you may be surprised at some of the fun answers you get. Questions such as "Would you rather go without television or junk food for the rest of your life?” or “What is your favorite smell and what memory does it remind you of?” can provoke interesting responses. Need help with questions? Here are 39 random questions to get you started.

Nicole de Khors via Burst

10. Go on a walk. Even if it's cold where you live, taking a walk around the neighborhood or to the local park after eating a big meal is a great way to get those energy levels back up! Plus, it'll give everyone an opportunity to focus on the beauty of the outdoors instead of thinking about everyone's ideas on current affairs. 

11. Share what you admire about each other. Have each person around the table share a quality they admire about everyone else at the table. This is helpful if disagreements do come up because you can focus on the positive aspects of people.

12. Watch a classic movie as a family. Pop the popcorn and make hot chocolate or cider, and settle in for a family movie night. Classics like The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music and It's a Wonderful Life are great feel-good movies that are sure to diminish the negative political talk.

 

—Leah R. Singer

 

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Great Conversation Starters for Families

 

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When You Lose Your Father

By Angela Rainbolt

In the fall 2012 my mother informed me that my father had been diagnosed with cancer. I was saddened, but I was not shocked. I had known for a long time that my dad was sick. He was never in a good mood and was always in pain. Throughout the next five years there were plenty of ups and downs.   

In July 2017 we heard the word terminal for the first time. My father’s cancer was terminal and there was no cure. I was devastated and relieved at the same time. I know it sounds cold that I was relieved, but I was finally released from the back-and-forth rollercoaster ride I had been on the last year or so.  There was a definitive answer.  

While there is no modesty in death, there are those days where you long for normalcy. You long for things to go back to the way they were before you knew death was there. You long to have the same philosophical conversations that you used to…not about death. I take that back, you long to have any conversation if it’s not about death. You just want your dad back. You just want to be able to call and hear him rattle on about everything and nothing all at the same time. You long to hear about how the rain last night made the lawn too wet to mow this morning. You long to hear him tell you how some land owner was making things difficult for the surveyors. You long to hear him tell you about the ride around town that he and mom took and how some random person put fencing up and you can no longer see the pond. Just random everyday occurrences that do not mean anything to the scheme of anything. Normalcy. 

On the Friday morning before your death, I sat on the edge of your bed talking to you before driving back home. You were nearing the end and I could feel it. In a moment of pure selfishness, I asked if you were proud of me. You beamed. You offered no hesitation and proudly stated that I had always made you proud. I was not by your side long that morning. It’s not the time that matters anyways. It’s the quality of the time. I can tell you, without hesitation, this is true in all cases.   

On Sunday, I made my way back to my parent’s house. I drove like a madwoman. The drive consisted of speeding, passing cars, and me begging God, out loud, to let him live until I could get there. I was a mess. I tried to contain myself before walking into the house. My father was in the living room in a hospital bed and my mother was laying by his side. It was the saddest, most amazing thing I have ever seen.  The culmination of over 50 years was in front of me and the tears came without warning.   

Tuesday, October 24, 2017, was my birthday. I had an overwhelming feeling for a while that my father was going to pass on my birthday. He had been unresponsive for nearly three days now and still wasn’t eating or drinking. The pamphlet stated that when a patient in hospice care gets extremely agitated then the end of very near. My father was very agitated the whole day. I guess it makes me feel better thinking that he was agitated at God for wanting to take him on my birthday. He stayed.   

Fifteen minutes after twelve on October 25, 2017, my father left his body and his spirit joined heaven. I was lightly sleeping in my mother’s bed at the time.  She tapped me on the arm and told me he was gone.  There is nothing that can prepare you for seeing someone you love as a dead body. Your mind and heart try to play tricks on you. They tell you, “They aren’t really dead, and they are just sleeping.”  Maybe that is their way of trying to protect you from the harsh realities that are about to come. You are going to have to call for assistance. The body will have to go somewhere.   

After death there was a blur of phone calls, hospice arrival, moving vehicles, disposing of medications, tears, screaming, and then sleep. It wasn’t a normal sleep. Sleep was a messed-up slumber of exhausted sadness. What I didn’t know then was that the blur would continue for quite some time after death.   

We are approaching the fourth anniversary of my father’s death this month. It’s hard this year. I am reminded of something a dear friend told me, “You have to say goodbye to someone to be able to say hello to them again.” I don’t know what’s out there. I don’t know if there is a heaven or a hell. I don’t know if it’s something different. I know that I could spend a lifetime studying the plethora of ideas of what it might be. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks because none of us really know for sure. I would much rather go on the very simple idea that someday I will be able to say hello again.   

I am a single mom of three beautiful daughters ages 29, 20, and 15.  At 50, I am recently divorced and making a career change.  I'm trying to put my BA and my MA to use finally!  My life hasn't always been easy but I feel good about the future!

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Inspire Your Kids with Their Own Olympic-sized Greatness

By Joy Turner

The Olympics are a fan-favorite time of year for a multitude of reasons. Whether it’s the winter, summer Olympics or Paralympics, it’s expected that you’ll find athletes with superhuman abilities and the big life moments that led them there. Simply put, it’s a time filled with a never-ending well of inspiration.

These incredible displays of athleticism inspire people of all ages, adults to children alike. But the most exciting and heartwarming part of it all is the mark it leaves on children around the world. Parents and families take to social media to share videos and pictures of their children hooked on watching the spectacle. They’re inspired by what they see and are curious about how they can be just like that athlete one day.

Although it may not seem like it, the time after the Olympics has finally held its closing ceremonies can be the perfect opportunity to begin to push your child to explore what inspires them. The age old question is always, “How? How do I do it?” The answer to that question, which is a lot easier said than done, is: “Talk to your child.”

Not all children will feel inspired and driven by the same thing, so it’s important to first listen to your child and watch what they gravitate towards. Then, you can begin to build some activities and language to push them a little further. Here are 5 fun things you can do at home to help to foster a sense of pride and inspiration in your own home:

1. Hold a family awards ceremony. Your child can make certificates or ribbons to hand out, celebrating their own personal talents and those of others in the family.

2. Select a book focusing on inspiration and being your best self. Find moments during the story to ask your child questions during some inspiring moments like, “Have you ever felt like the character when she was in that situation?” See our recommended reading below.

3. Start a scrapbook together. Have your child document his or her “firsts” or special accomplishments. Share the pictures and tell stories about how proud you felt seeing him or her do the things in the pictures.

4. Share information about your family’s culture with your child. Explain to them some of the cultural values and traditions that your family holds and how it makes you feel proud. Talk about your own story growing up!

5. Host your own mini Olympics. Pick some Olympic fan favorites like soccer or a track race to host right in your own backyard, or use some of your own family’s favorite games. It can even be an Olympics filled with board games like Scrabble or Twister! Take some inspiration from one of our own Academies, Kiddie Academy of Fisher’s Landing here!

As we talk about inspiration and pride, an often-overlooked aspect is also helping children learn how to deal with failure. They won’t be successful every time they attempt something, but that’s natural and is merely an outcome, not a reflection on the child.

When things don’t work out, assure them that you’re proud of the effort, that you love them regardless of the outcome and that next time, the outcome could be different. Talk to them about the emotions they felt towards losing and what good sportsmanship looks like. Even in the face of a loss or undesired outcome, it’s important to congratulate the winner and show respect to teammates, coaches, and opponents. In addition to bolstering their self-esteem and sense of pride, this teaches them about resilience.

There are some terrific books for helping your child learn about what it means to be proud. Here are a few classics you might consider reading together:

Joy has over 20 years of experience in early childhood education. As Vice President of Education at Kiddie Academy Educational Child Care, she oversees all things curriculum, assessment, training and more. Joy earned a B.S. in Education from Salisbury University.

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“B is for Bagel” Will Be Your New Favorite ABC Book

by Kate Loweth

At Red Tricycle, there’s nothing that we love more than sharing fun finds with our readers, especially when they are the creative product of our former SF Bay Area Editor! Rachel Teichman has taken her skills honed at Red Tricycle to the bookshelves. Combining her love of writing and bagels, she has written B is for Bagel, an ABC book, and we know you are going to love it.

From Asiago to Za’atar, and “Everything” in between, B is for Bagel teaches the whole alphabet, while introducing children to traditional and innovative bagel flavors. Vibrant photographs of each life-size bagel make turning pages so much fun! 

Shake, splash and roll your way through this book, where unicorns and rainbows take their bagel form, and cream cheese knows no limits! Kids will love finding a new favorite bagel, while deciding if they like lox, whitefish salad or maybe just extra schmear. 

You can cover the whole alphabet while learning about a popular breakfast food. From A to Z,  there is definitely a bagel for you! And there are even two recipes to try together!

Rachel is working with partner publisher The Collective Book Studio, and is financing the project through her Kickstarter campaign which ends Thursday, September 2, at 9:59pm PDT. You can receive an early signed copy of the book starting with a $25 contribution. There are also many other fabulous rewards available including photo prints, bagel confetti and even rainbow bagel chips.

Rachel lives in Houston and shares this about supporting Easter Seals there: “We are so proud to announce our partnership with The Caroline School at Easter Seals Greater Houston. We have added a new $75 reward level which gives you one book, and lets you donate one book to The Caroline School.”

Grab your bagel and coffee and let’s support this literary mama!

Online: kickstarter.com/projects/bisforbagel/b-is-for-bagel-book

—Kate Loweth

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Your Peppa Pig Lover Has a New Favorite Shoe & It’s Coming Soon

by Sarah Shebek

If your toddler is a proud member of the Peppa Pig fan club, you’ll want to put this drop on your radar! Reebok is collaborating with beloved kid’s show to release a second Peppa Pig collection of sneakers and t-shirts. The first release is sold out, but you can snag the new items starting July 19.

You’ll find multiple styles of the classic shoes that feature a kid-friendly makeover, retailing at $40 and up. The Weebok Clasp Shoes feature a playful doodle design with a rugged outsole for early walkers. The Reebok Royal Complete rocks the classic white color with embossed details from the show. And the Preschool Kid’s Classics feature laces for the slightly older set, plus a whimsical garden scene.

To complete the outfit, three new t-shirts will be available for your little Peppa fan. They’re all $25, soft cotton and feature fun illustrations of the show’s cast members.

Ready to buy? Set your alarm for 10 am ET on July 19. Your family’s back-to-school wear just got a little more imaginative!

––Sarah Shebek

Featured image courtesy of Reebok

 

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I Didn’t Know This Would Be the Last Time

By Tabitha Yates

Photo: Karina Beagley

I didn’t know this would be the last time I nursed you to sleep. I would have soaked in the moment, if only I knew. I didn’t know that this was the last night I would rock you to sleep in this well-worn rocking chair. I wish I would have held you longer. I didn’t know that one day I would be stroking your sweet baby cheeks and the next, I would be staring at a face so changed, as the years melted away your cherub cheeks and gave you defined and unique features, just as beautiful and handsome. I wish I had stared just a little while longer, before I dozed off beside you. I didn’t know that after all the times I wished you would sleep through the night, suddenly you would and I would miss you.

I didn’t know that one day you wouldn’t ask me to help pick out your clothes anymore. You’re quite proud of your st‌yle now and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I didn’t know that one night you wouldn’t ask for a bedtime story anymore, because you were reading your great big chapter book and just wanted to chat and have mommy time instead. I wouldn’t have rushed so much.

I didn’t know that this would be the last time you held my hand crossing the road, because you’re much too big now and “You know the safety rules.” Just the same, I’ll always be looking out for your well-being and safety.

I didn’t know that one moment you would be in Kindergarten and the next, you would be in 5th grade and it would only feel like I blinked. I didn’t know that all the days of you asking me for my time, would turn into me asking you for yours. I’ll never be too busy, my child. I didn’t know how fast the years would fly by. I couldn’t have known when all our last times would occur, but now I have what will feel like only a few more years of last times to try to cherish and so many moments that are to become memories to live. I didn’t know I could love anyone as much as I love you.

This post originally appeared on Today Parents.

The Redeemed Mama is a writer who had had articles published by The Today Show, Love What Matters, The Mighty, Faithit, For Every Mom, The Creative Child Magazine and more. She has 3 beautiful kids and resides in Southern Arizona and loves writing about parenting, life and growth!

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5 Ways to Build Your Preschooler’s Confidence

By PBS KIDS

Photo: PBS Kids

Preschool is one of my favorite stages in a child’s life. Between the ages of 3 and 5, kids really start developing a sense of who they are and how to be a part of the world around them.

That’s why building self-confidence at this stage of life is essential. We want our kids to see what’s good about themselves, to believe in themselves, and to know they are important.

PBS KIDS has a great lineup of shows that encourage children to find and celebrate what’s great about them, including the new “Donkey Hodie” series. What I love about “Donkey Hodie” is that it celebrates the playful silliness of early childhood while supporting both kids and parents as we work together to build crucial life skills, like self-confidence.

Looking for some ways to boost your child’s confidence skills? Here are some ideas, with help from Donkey Hodie and her pals.

1. Let Them Lead

Self-directed play and learning are crucial to the development of self-confidence. In the “Donkey Hodie” series, Donkey and her pals are the leaders of their own imaginative play and activities. Being in charge of how they play is a normal and important part of children’s development during the preschool stage. Give ample opportunities for independent play. And when you’re playing with your child, you can try being the “actor” and letting your child be the “director.” Encourage them to come up with the ideas for how the play happens and the materials they may want to use. Ask about the details of the choices they’re making, and let them decide what happens next and what the outcome will be. Try encouraging this kind of child leadership in play by asking open-ended questions and saying things like:

  • How did you decide what to name those toys?
  • I wonder what kind of feelings these superheroes are having right now?
  • What do you think should happen next?

2. Get Creative Together

In the episode “Art Show Today,” Donkey must listen to her inspiration and work through her mistakes to create an art project she loves. Artistic play is a fun way to build self-confidence. Creating art or doing other imaginative projects gives children the opportunity to come up with ideas, make decisions on their own, and think about what they like. These are the building blocks of self-confidence.

So make some space to get creative! It doesn’t have to be pre-planned crafts—in fact, going in without a plan is a great way to foster imagination and provide more opportunity for self-expression and decision-making. As Donkey says, “There are so many ways to make art!”

3. Praise Effort in the Process

In the episode “Mountain Climb Time,” Donkey and Panda encourage one another as they climb Mt. Really High Up (“We’re on the right path, buddy!”). Part of being self-confident is recognizing the value in the process of what we’re doing — not just the outcome. We can help instill this concept in our kids by noticing and celebrating their efforts, and helping them to enjoy themselves in the moment rather than focusing on a particular accomplishment. This might sound like:

  • “I see you’re working really hard at that!”
  • “Hasn’t it been fun to spend time creating this?”
  • “You’ve had so many creative ideas for how to solve this problem!”

4. Practice Being Proud (without Being Perfect)

How do we help our kids continue to feel capable, even when they mess up or don’t reach their goals? One way is to practice being proud of one another—and ourselves—and to focus on what has gone well rather than what has gone exactly how we planned. In “Mountain Climb Time,” Donkey and Panda aren’t able to climb the whole mountain on their first try. Grampy Hodie reminds them that just because they didn’t reach their goal the first time, it doesn’t mean that they failed. Your preschooler will flourish when they hear similar messages.

  • “I know you’re sad you didn’t win, but I’m so proud of you for finishing the race and trying your best!”
  • “When you keep trying, you keep learning new things!”
  • “I’m proud of us for working together to get so much done today. We can keep working on it tomorrow.”
  • “Even though it’s not as tall as you wanted, I hope you’re proud of yourself for building such an amazing tower!”

5. Continue Showing Lots of Love

Fred Rogers, whose playful humor and work is the inspiration for “Donkey Hodie,” provided a wonderful model for developing healthy kids and communities. His words and legacy often guide my own parenting and have helped me understand how to build self-confidence in my daughter as she discovers who she is in the world. Fred always said that love is the foundation of everything. “Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” When we offer our children unconditional and unquestionable love, we give them permission to see themselves as whole, good and likable people. When we love our kids and let them know it often, we create a world for them where they know they matter. And that is where confidence is born.

Lindsey Pruett-Hornbaker, MA, is a non-profit consultant and writer of grants, curriculum, and essays. She is a wife, mom, and clinical counselor-in-training. Lindsey believes in the power of strong coffee and inclusive communities, and she gets curious about life and parenting on Instagram.

This post originally appeared on PBS KIDS for Parents.

PBS KIDS believes the world is full of possibilities, and so is every child. As the number one educational media brand for kids, PBS KIDS helps children learn life lessons, explore their feelings and discover new adventures, while seeing themselves uniquely reflected and celebrated in lovable, diverse characters through television, digital media, and community-based programs. 

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