There’s an old saying that you can judge someone’s character by the way they treat children and animals, for those are the ones who cannot care for themselves. By any measure, the Russian invasion of Ukraine that began Feb. 24 is atrocious, but for children and pets, it is particularly perilous. As millions of Ukrainians flee their country—now a warzone—some have found a way to bring along their pets. For others, leaving them behind was their only heartbreaking option.
Dnipro, Ukraine – March 3, 2022: A young woman hides in the basement with her pet during an air raid alert. (O_Lypa/Shutterstock)
TODAY reports that Estonia is welcoming refugees and their cats, dogs and even a few parrots, according to Hellika Landsmann, Tallinn City Government Chief Specialist. Her job involves supporting the local animal shelter, and she also volunteers for the nonprofit Estonian Society for the Protection of Animals, fostering more than 100 dogs and cats over the years.
“When the animals get here, they are really hungry and they haven’t had water in days because people don’t know how long a time they have to travel,” she told TODAY. “At the moment, all our hotels and all refugee apartments are ready to help. … We understand that it’s not easy and the best way to help is to keep the family together as much as they can.”
Refugees fleeing the Russian military often don’t know how long they’ll be traveling, or what precise route they will take to reach safety. As a result, NBC News reports that the streets are strewn with personal effect that—at some point in the journey—become just too cumbersome, or unnecessary, to take along. But the pets? They remain by the sides or in the arms of their owners.
But many pets remain in Ukraine because they were separated from their families, or because they cannot be evacuated from shelters and face bombing by the Russian military. One Ukrainian animal shelters, Sirius, is housing more than 3,000 animals, trapped near the capital of Kyiv. Staff and citizens are calling for a “green corridor,” or a safe passageway to transport pets out of the country. But time has shown that despite what Russia may agree to, there will be no safe passage for anyone, including pets, out of Ukraine during this invasion.
“Every time when Russia is saying, ‘Yeah, we will let you leave,’ it’s bullets and nobody’s going anywhere,” Landsmann said. But in staying, pets and their caretakers face ever more danger. Larger organizations are coordinating support for local animal shelters, but by attempting to help, many volunteers become targets, themselves. 26-year-old Anastasiia Yalanskaya and two other volunteers were shot and killed by Russian troops after delivering food to a shelter in Bucha, which is less than 20 miles outside of Kyiv. The shelter had been without supplies for three days.
“I know at least a few animal helpers or shelter volunteers who got shot because they want to visit shelter animals and wanted to bring some food to them,” Landsmann said. “And they were just shot. … The war is not over and it’s getting worse every day.”
If you want to help, these organizations have been verified and are taking action to help the pets fleeing and trapped in Ukraine.
UAnimals
Ukrainian nonprofit UAnimals works to get food to local shelters and zoos. Landsmann supports the efforts of this Ukrainian organization so much that she commended their work to Mike Arms, CEO of the Helen Woodward Animal Center in Rancho Santa Fe, California. Now the nonprofit is pledging to donate $50,000 to animal welfare organizations like UAnimals — and is calling for animal lovers to match the pledge.
“Like the people, they’re innocent. Those bombs — you know how sensitive dogs’ ears and cats’ ears are and what they must be going through,” Arms told TODAY. “We want people to open their hearts and their wallets to help others that really need it right now.”
Humane Society International
The nonprofit Humane Society International announced an agreement with the Romanian Red Cross to transport pet food into Ukraine to care for animals in shelters, homes and on the streets. HSI is also working with local animal welfare organizations in Germany, Poland and Italy to provide emergency pet supplies like food, blankets and veterinary care at refugee reception points.
“We have heard from refugees we’re helping in Berlin that the loyal companionship of their pets has kept them and their families going on the arduous journey to safety,” said Sylvie Kremerskothen Gleason, HIS’s Germany director, in a statement. “For children especially, their pets are an enormous source of comfort to help them cope with the trauma of war.”
International Fund for Animal Welfare
The IFAW provides refugees with entry requirements in nearby countries for families traveling with pets, and works to get supplies to wildlife sanctuaries and animal shelters in Ukraine.
“War creates treacherous situations for both people and animals. Broken glass, debris and sharp objects can harm animals lost in the confusion, and starvation is a very real danger for those who escape the missiles, bombs and bullets,” Robin Ganzert, CEO of American Humane, told TODAY in an email.
Network for Animals
The international nonprofit Network for Animals evacuated nearly 1,000 dogs and cats from Ukraine since Russia’s invasion.
“We focused immediately on getting the animals out because a lot of people, when they fled, could not take their animals with them or, very sadly, they thought that they would be returning quickly and left their animals locked up in apartments,” David Barritt, executive director, told TODAY.
“What’s remarkable — it always gets me — is dogs love us. They love human beings,” Barritt said. “They may have been shot at by a human being five minutes earlier, but they love us … they see salvation in our faces.”
Eurogroup for Animals maintains a list of reputable organizations working to help pets impacted by the Russian invasion of Ukraine, and you can also make donations to support emergency needs and recovery efforts in Ukraine during checkout at Petco locations through March 20, according to Lisa Lane Cardin, director of marketing and development for the nonprofit Petco Love.
But Landsmann reminds us “The honest truth is that even if we give our maximum or more, we still don’t have the possibilities to help all of them. The war is there. They have a lot of bombings every day and sometimes in every half an hour. So even if the shelter is OK in one hour, all the animals can be killed in the next hour,” she said. “If we don’t stop Putin, it will get worse. We have to act now.”
TIME’s Kid of the Year for 2021 is 11 year-old Orion Jean, who from his home during the pandemic launched humanitarian missions that have fed 100,000 meals to food insecure families across the country, placed 500,000 books into the hands of kids living in “book deserts” and written a book.
While some of us were stress eating, Jean was serving as an ambassador for kindness. In a recent interview by humanitarian and actress Angelina Jolie, Jean spills the beans on how—and why—he began his remarkable journey.
Jean’s Race to Kindness project started with an online speech contest and led to a movement—which has rapidly grown to have an enormous positive impact on his community and the world. “If you see a problem, fix it.” Jean said of his simple philosophy on kindness. After seeing news reports of people losing their jobs, their homes and their health during the pandemic, he knew he wanted to help.
“Kindness sometimes can just be as easy as not being mean to someone. Not talking about someone behind their back or posting that mean comment on social media. That’s what kindness can be, it can just be as simple as not being cruel to someone,” he told Jolie. “Kindness is a choice and while we can’t force others to be kind, we can be kind ourselves and hope to inspire other people.”
And inspire them he has. Jean began with a toy drive, with a goal of collecting 500 toys for needy children in a month. “I think that when I reached my first goal and surpassed it by over 100 toys, then I knew that there truly is hope because people—all people—have the ability to be kind,” he said in a Little Kids, Big Hearts podcast. “Sometimes it just takes one person to bring it out of them.”
Since his initial toy drive, Jean has set—and exceeded—new goals to address hunger and literacy In underserved communities. And he discusses ways kids can have an impact on their communities by taking it one problem—and one solution—at a time. “It’s not about me, I’m just a vessel to spread kindness and to help others spread kindness in their communities as well.”
Tinybeans is an anti-racist company against systemic racism toward Black people and all people of color. We stand for justice, equality and humanity, and we support our Black families, co-workers, partners and community. One of the ways to do that directly is by supporting Black-owned businesses, many of which have suffered greatly in recent years. Here are just a few of the many wonderful businesses that offer products for kids and families.
Tisa Jackson is a DIY crafter and organization expert. This mom creates fun, modern paper products. If you’re looking for one-of-a-kind, shiny, blinged-out creations—she’s got you covered there too. On top of that, she also hosts crafting workshops to share her skills with the masses.
Lydia Diaz is a mother and wife on a mission. She created Clever Girl Crafts to share her creations and advice to encourage women of color to take their crafting to the next level. She created a place to learn tips on popular crafting tools and mediums through her tutorials. She creates with resin, Glowforge, Circuit, Silhouette and more.
Jonah Larson is a crocheter, author and philanthropist. He is also a teenager and crochet expert who began honing his craft at just five years old. His company, Johah’s Hands, puts his talent on full display and won him national attention (hello, Drew Barrymore show). Aside from creating everything from scarves to sweaters and toys, he’s also authored two books! On his site, Jonah shares tutorials to help others learn to crochet.
Are you looking for a truly unique florist? Brooklyn Blooms is inspired by nature, fashion and art, and it shows! LaParis Phillip owns Brooklyn Blooms, and her creations play with color and texture to create signature looks. She runs the brick-and-mortar shop in Brooklyn, NYC where she does beautifully custom floral arrangements.
You’ve heard of fast fashion, right? It’s trendy clothes that you can get quickly and at cheap prices. It sounds good, but it’s made of cheap materials that don’t last and end up harming the environment. Well, Ashlee Elle is a believer in the opposite—slow fashion. She owns Dream Crochet Shoppe, where she sells handmade crochet clothing. Her designs are inspired and incredibly creative. She features her works for sale through videos on her Instagram and YouTube pages.
Becoming a mom makes you see things with a new set of eyes. which was the case for Lauren Hayes. A mom of two, she noticed that even though kids often gravitate toward clothes that feature superheroes they love, those superheroes don't always reflect diversity. So she started Royal Nation, a kids' streetwear brand with a focus on representation. Her unique business aims to bridge the gap of representation in childrenswear.
There’s just something about Southern food and desserts! Enter Chef Liz. Dedicated to making innovative Southern comfort food, she’s opened hot spot restaurants, and her latest creation is making history. She’s the owner of the only Black-owned national ice cream brand, Creamalicisous. It’s a two-in-one dessert that pairs freshly baked pastries with homemade ice cream. She crafts flavors that give a not-so-subtle nod to the southern desserts you love. There’s Porch Light Peach Cobbler and Right as Rain Red Velvet Cheesecake, just to name a couple! The flavors are unique, and the names are a celebration of her roots and community.
Good ideas come when you’re seeking to fill a need. That is the case with Rebecca Allen. After searching for sophisticated forward in the perfect nude shade and coming up empty, Rebecca decided to create her own. Now her company, Rebecca Allen Inc., creates luxury footwear for women with Black and brown skin tones at the forefront. Her label is the newest Black-owned brand to have launched in Nordstrom. The collection includes timeless styles like skimmers, pumps and two-strap heels. The company not only focuses on Black and Brown communities but the environment as well. Their shoes are created in small batches to create less waste.
Calling all curlies! While having a head full of popping curls is celebrated today, it wasn’t always that way. That’s what drove Mona El-Gharby to start CURLē Beauty. She set out to change the way curls are perceived. This Black and women-owned start-up creates a customized hair care line for natural, curly hair. CURLē is about the empowerment of natural hair. The company strives to empower you to take charge of your natural hair by offering you solutions to your curly hair problems.
Sometimes finding a balance between tasty and healthy can feel impossible. Even more so when it comes to feeding kids. Dad, chef and business owner Sharif Rasheed found a solution: Almost by accident, he created a granola bar that his teething son would enjoy. Made with dates, oats, sea salt and other healthy ingredients, they are an easy snacking solution and are available in a variety of flavors. Even better, the company is doing its part to combat food insecurity. Through partnerships with schools in various communities, their snacks are offered as a healthy option. A percentage of their sales also goes to help teachers.
Black and Brown children live in a world where they rarely see images that look like them, now a mom has launched a line of wall decals to change that. Inspired by her young daughter, Pastor, mom, and founder of Tiny Tots and Tikes, Cynthia Jackson created a line of decals that reflect positive and creative Black images so that little Black girls and boys will be inspired through their walls. With categories like sports, princesses and inspirational, there's something for every child's interest in this collection.
International travel can be difficult for families during a normal year and the COVID-19 pandemic has only heightened parents' ability to introduce their kids to the different cultures and tastes of the world.
Ome Enebeli, a single mom, and her daughter, Daniella, both share a passion for travel and food. As the days staying home added up, they conceived an idea to fulfill their dream of finding a way to continue bonding over the international culinary wonders the world has to offer without traveling.
It wasn’t long beforeSnack Voyage was born. Designed to provide a tasty, travel experience from the comfort of your home, customers can choose from two subscriptions:
The country box: ships once a month and contains a minimum of 12 snacks selected from one country with the country changing every month
The assorted box: provides customers with a world tour every month and boasts a minimum of 12 snacks from a variety of countries to keep their taste buds guessing
With each snack box, subscribers receive a country flag, a boarding pass to mark which snacks they like the most and a tourist guide to help them track their tasty travels around the world and learn more about each country’s culture. Additionally, subscribers have access to trivia games to test their knowledge of the world.
Do you know what happens when you crack a BIG bottle of champagne alone? You end up either regretting it the next day or wasting half a bottle. The Sip, a Black-woman-owned business, solves this issue and brings a delightful sparkle to any mom's glass. The Sip offers high-end sparkling wines in either gift boxes (like this one, which comes complete with a "Sip shooter; the classy way to down a glass of bubbly") or a bi-monthly subscription box that allows you to taste high-end sparkling wines without breaking the bank.
This Black-owned business offers an array of comfortable, festive clothes for kids in brightly colored prints all handmade by Nigerian artisans, so not only are you supporting a great business, you are helping to offer skills, job training and resources to an impoverished region of the world. They also feature super-stylish "mommy and me" styles. Made with beautiful, functional and incredibly durable fabrics, kids can be party-ready even if they're staying home. The collections include dresses as well as shorts and shirts.
Legendary Rootz celebrates Black culture, one tee at a time. Raven Gibson, creator and owner says the brand’s purpose is to "give Black Women a platform to be authentically themselves through powerful, statement-driven apparel and Afrocentric home decor." The collection is available for women, men and children.
Founded by two African women who met in Paris while attending graduate school, Nokware is a natural beauty care line that sources herbs and oils like shea butter and calabashes from women-led co-operatives in different regions of Africa. The line offers iconic items like African black soaps and Shea butter, but there are also lip balms, facial cleansers and oils. You can shop by skin type or problem, which allows you to cater the products to your needs. You can buy gift boxes for friends and if you aren't sure what you need, there are even samples available for purchase.
Little Likes Kids was founded by Kemi Tignor after she discovered a lack of toy options that represented her son and his experiences. Featuring recognizable and happy scenes, Little Likes Kids makes it easy for parents and caregivers to buy toys that celebrate their kids' world.
CurlyKids and their sister brand CurlyChic are Black-owned, family-operated and women-led. The products are available at Target, Walmart, Sally Beauty, Kroger and independent beauty supply stores globally.
Black Girl Sunscreen for Kids is an everyday SPF 50 moisturizing sunscreen lotion for face and body. Especially created for people of color using natural ingredients including carrot seed oil, jojoba oil, almond oil, avocado and shea butter. Oxybenzone and Paraben free, it leaves no white residue.
It's no secret that moms love coffee and this black-founded coffee company gets that. Koia Coffee drinks are so much more than just a cold coffee, though. Think of it as the one-stop-shop for moms: not only does it have more caffeine than two cups of coffee, it doubles as breakfast with 9g of plant-based protein and C8 MCT oil. It's organic and fair trade, as well as being sugar and dairy free.
Every month, subscribers receive a themed Just Like Me! Box full of books and selected top-quality items delivered right to their front door. As your child gets older, the book selections will increase in difficulty.
Little Muffin Cakes Baby Boutique is a character-based brand established to present high-quality merchandise in the Marketplace that reflects the diversity of beauty in children. They provide a wide assortment of products from baby blankets and bibs to birthday party invitations, all featuring relatable images.
HarperIman Dolls and accessories were created by mother/daughter duo, Cynthia Watkins and Kathryn Burnett. These handmade dolls come in different sizes and skin tones, and they feature a variety of hair types from braided up-dos to tight curls. There is also a wide assortment of clothing and accessories available as well.
Pretty Please Teethers mission is to create stylish natural-made items for little ones. All of the products are made from 100% food-grade silicone and natural beechwood beads/rings.
Lifestyle brand Izzy & Liv has everything from house decor to apparel and even a subscription box for tweens and teens. Check out their online shop for beauty products, jewelry, hats, totes and even gear for dads!
From toys and books to clothes and more, Teni and Tayo Creations take pride in sharing a piece of African culture in every product and workshop they create, like this adorable backpack.
MOODEAUX is a recently launched clean luxury fragrance line connecting smelling good with feeling good. Founded by Brianna Arps, all MOODEAUX products are free of alcohol, dye, water and chemicals, and smell divine.
Support These 14 Family Friendly, Black-Owned Portland Businesses & Nonprofits
Flouriche/Paula Rogers
Portland-area Black-owned businesses and nonprofits need and deserve our support, all part of a long-term, sustainable commitment to helping dismantle white supremacy in our community. Here are a few of the family focused places we love.
46 Black-Owned Businesses & Non-Profits in Los Angeles
From skateboards that double as works of art, vegan cookies that seem too good to be true, and the best barbershop for a fade, here are amazing Black-owned businesses we know and love.
15 Chicago Black-Owned Business to Support Now & Always
Little Diners Crew
The much-talked-about beauty of Chicago is not just a credit to its architecture, green spaces, the abundance of art—both commissioned and gifted by nature—and striking lake and river views, but in the diversity of the businesses and their owners that stand side-by-side in service to their neighborhoods. We’ve assembled a short list of Black-owned businesses in acknowledgment of the importance of these lives to the success of the city of Chicago and in condemnation of racism in any form.
From Cereal Killerz to WeGo Gamez to a number of soul food restaurants, these Black-owned businesses in Las Vegas need your support today and every day.
14 Black-Owned Austin Businesses to Support
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From doula services to bookstores and even party supplies, Austin is home to many diverse and impressive Black-owned businesses. Here are 14 of our faves.
18 Black-Owned Dallas-Fort Worth Businesses to Support Now
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We rounded up a few of our favorite black-owned Dallas businesses for you to check out. From incredible cheesecake to virtual tutoring services, click here to see them all.
Phoenix is home to many impressive Black-owned businesses, including specialty bakeries you can't live without, toy stores that encourage diversity and carefully curated gifts. Here are 15 of our top faves.
Each word you speak to your child programs their concept of reality. Sounds, just like words, have meaning woven through them. Every word or sound is infused with your thoughts and intentions conveyed through the tone, cadence and through the subtle non-verbal cues accompanying it.
Parenting Cornerstones
From the very beginning, set an intention to talk to your child with conscious awareness. What do you want to be the cornerstones of your child’s reality? Love? Peace? Harmony? Joy? Security? Safety? Bliss? Happiness? Balance? Abundance? Nurturance? Empowerment? Compassion? Give this some thought and list your top three to five parenting cornerstones on a piece of paper to be posted in several places in your home where you will frequently see them.
Remember these buzz-words when you talk with your children; whatever age they may be. A newborn that is spoken to with intention and love hears this in your voice and senses your intention as extrasensory input. The preschooler feels your inner smile and love and senses that you are one hundred percent present with them if even for a few minutes. The school-age child notices how your eyes and body language tell a story and models their behavior after yours and thereby becomes a proficient communicator. The preteen appreciates your attention and affection as they begin the journey of forming their own identity. The high school age young adult/child knows on a deeper level that you are a steady pillar nearby in case they falter providing them with consistent messages of life’s most precious cornerstones.
You are empowered to use your words and communication skills to teach your child. Through this conscious choice, you model the deeper concept that each person creates their reality. In doing this for your child you will find yourself transforming as well. You too will become an aware, empowered communicator and will draw to you more of the same. Words can be a path to conscious living.
Empathy & Compassion
To teach children compassion, invite them to treat others as they want to be treated. Speak this aloud to your child in a variety of ways: Smile at others the way you’d like to be smiled at. Say words to others that you would like to hear. Do things to help others the way you would like to be helped. Provide examples of this in daily life, like “Pat that doggy gently the way you would like to be patted if you were him.”
Say it and live it. Invite children to be empathetic by modeling compassion for others. Lots of times having children in our lives teaches us to live better, more mindful lives. Allow your child or children’s presence to inspire you to be more peaceful, compassionate, and conscious. Choose to empower yourself and live a life of honor and peace.
Conscious Parenting
Remember children live what they learn. You are an inspiration to your child and everyone you meet. Raising a child is always an immense learning opportunity for the adults in the child’s life. To embrace this and be truly present to it is the embodiment of conscious parenting.
By choosing to parent with presence and consciousness you are providing an opportunity for your child to learn to be a conscious individual. You are providing a framework for healthy, ecologically responsible, spiritually connected living. You are the model, and one day your child may become the model for you.
Enjoy this journey. It is an expression of beauty; sometimes poignant, often joyful, frequently challenging and it is totally unique. You, your child and all life are soul essence. You are spiritual beings and spiritual beings learn from each other. Watch your child, learn and grow and watch your own life transform as you walk a conscious path together towards ever-expanding awareness.
Amy Leigh Mercree is a holistic health expert, medical intuitive and best selling author of 11 books including, A Little Bit of Mindfulness: An Introduction To Being Present and The Mood Book to name a few. Mercree teaches internationally sharing Next Level Healing, Meet Your Guides, Mindfulness Meditation, and Bestseller Bootcamp classes.
Empathy is the foundation of positive, fulfilling connection with others and has the power to decrease conflict by increasing kindness. It’s one of the most important things we can teach our children, but what exactly is it? Throughout the years, psychologists and neuroscientists have come to understand that there are several facets to empathy, including:
Feeling what another person is feeling, which is called emotional or affective empathy.
Putting yourself in another person’s shoes to take their perspective and see their point of view, called cognitive empathy or “perspective-taking.”
Taking action to help others based on your understanding of another person’s feelings and perspective, which is called compassion or behavioral empathy.
It’s also important to know the difference between sympathy and empathy. While “empathy” means feeling with another person as their equal and trying to understand their situation, “sympathy” means feeling concern (or pity) for another person’s misfortunes, which may create a power imbalance between people and keep them from truly connecting. In cases where we don’t have enough knowledge to put ourselves in another person’s shoes, we can practice curiosity and model it for our children. Modeling curiosity by having conversations and asking questions can provide valuable insights as to why a person might feel the way they do in a given situation.
So how can we teach kids empathy?
Educators and parents can create experiences that help kids exercise their ability to empathize with other people. In particular, educators can help students learn about and investigate their own points of view, appreciate different perspectives, and cooperate and communicate in a respectful, positive manner. In addition to modelling, there are a number of other things we can do as adults:
1. Teach Perspective-Taking
Use transformational moments or “teachable moments” to teach perspective-taking and cooperation skills. Whether through examples that happen between students in the classroom or conflicts in the book they’re reading, use these moments to encourage students to reflect and practice seeing the situation from other points of view.
2. Integrate Empathy Practices across All Subject Areas
Weave empathy into your day-to-day learning. For example, during reading, you can easily model and practice perspective-taking for characters in stories. I often find free empathy resources and activities on Empatico, which has “Empathy Book Club” activities that I use to guide in-class discussions to help my students relate to others’ emotions and experiences:
3. Model Active Listening & Respectful Communication
Establish norms of active listening and respectful communication at home and in the classroom. This includes learning about how body language, facial expressions, and tone can impact one’s interactions. For example, I try to actively listen to my students and children by making eye contact with them, focusing on what they’re saying (rather than thinking about what I want to say next), and using nonverbal cues like nodding.
4. Encourage Self-Regulation & Empathy
Work on making “self-regulation” a daily priority. A large part of self-regulation is the ability to be aware of your emotions and manage your reactions to feelings and situations. Teach students strategies like “body breaks,” focused breathing and “mindful minutes” where students focus on something that encourages calmness. If students are able to successfully self-regulate, they are more readily available to be empathetic towards others.
5. Design Purposeful Learning Experiences
By contextualizing learning in a way that connects classroom instruction to real-life experiences, students can apply new skills as they learn them. I’ve used Empatico to connect my students (and my own children!) with other kids across the globe for collaborative, virtual experiences that allow them to practice empathy skills with peers from different backgrounds. During class exchanges, we discuss and compare issues within our own communities. From there we come up with ideas of concrete things we can do to make a difference. In these experiences, the classes I am working with bond over what they are passionate about, what the issues are in their community and their volunteerism. It is a powerful exercise of empathy.
Empathy has the power to be an absolute game-changer for how future generations interact and connect. It is one of the most important things we can teach our students and children. At its core, empathy means feeling with another person and understanding their situation. It requires that we open our minds and become vulnerable enough to relate to others at deeper levels. It also entails acknowledging the other person’s humanity, that they are equally important as we are, and that their feelings are equally valid. When we do this, we can truly feel with another person and empathize with them. This process is what ultimately strengthens the connection between two individuals; therefore, enriching lives and making the world a better place.
Brittany McMillan is a wife, mother of three, and teacher in British Columbia, Canada teaching middle school. She is dedicated to helping her students and own children grow into empathetic, good humans. She also loves fishing, adventures, meeting new people from around the globe and riding bikes with her family.
We all want happy, healthy, confident kids and study after study suggests that fostering kindness in your kiddos can help boost their oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, all key biological players in happiness, wellness, and self-esteem. We know that kindness can be taught and empathy increased through modeling these behaviors for our kids. I’ve learned that letting my kids see me be an active community helper increases their desire to also pitch in and help others, but I wanted to grow my children’s understanding of people’s needs beyond random acts of kindness. Here are three more ways I’ve adopted to increase my kiddos’ kindness factor.
1. We Ditched the Word Nice
Meghan Yudes Meyers
When my kids were itty bitty, I used to talk about being “nice” 24/7. Raising sensitive, caring human beings was of the utmost importance to me. But I realized early on I was using the wrong words.
“Ouch. Biting hurts. Biting is not nice.”
“It’s not nice to take toys. Your sister was still playing with that!”
“Be NICE to your brother. Hitting is not nice.”
Those statements are all true. Biting and hitting are not pleasant. And neither is someone snatching your favorite stuffie. But “nice” isn’t what I meant. KIND is. I had an a-ha moment when my kids were about four. I was sharing a story with my twins' then-teacher about one of my kiddos going above and beyond and really being well, nice, when she addressed this particular child and said, “Wow, that was SO kind of you.”
I was instantly struck that she did not use my words. And I thought, wow, she’s right. I mean KIND. I ditched the word nice as my go-to descriptor from that day forward. Of course, my kids probably didn’t recognize these nuances when I first made the shift. But at seven, they can now tell the difference. For instance, my son came home the other day upset and complaining that his very favorite classmate wasn’t nice to him that day. I immediately empathized with him and asked him what went wrong, He wailed, “She had to pick a partner. And she didn’t pick me!”
To add salt to the wound, his twin sister was picked.
As the story unfolded, I learned that this little girl had to choose her partner. Certainly an awkward and daunting task for a first grader! She had apparently made her choice by the child-equivalent to a coin toss, but my son wasn’t happy with the results. He whined, “It just wasn’t nice! She’s not nice!”
I explained to him that not getting picked isn’t nice (or pleasant) at all! I also explained to him that having to choose a partner, knowing others might get hurt might not have been a nice process for his little friend, either. But, in the end, this child choose to make it as fair as possible, and that was kind.
Nice is a pretty basic word. Rainbows are nice. Unicorns are nice. Nice describes something that is pleasant. Something that, hopefully, leaves feel good vibes. But kindness is complex. Kindness takes so many shapes and, as the example above demonstrates, kindness doesn’t always look nice. Not only have we scratched nice from our vocabulary (or the most part), but my husband and I try to qualify acts of kindness whenever possible. We articulate exactly how an act is kind so our kids know it when they see it
2. We Are Active Observers
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Studies suggest that merely observing kindness can boost our mood (and increase our empathy) as we take stock of the goodness that surrounds us. We practice being grateful by reviewing our day as a family. Who made our day better by some small act? Who shared with us? Said an uplifting word? Who included us?
We also flex our observation muscle when we watch TV or read a book. I was a bit of a Sesame Street junkie as a child. Bert and Ernie were my favorite duo, so much so that I invented my own imaginary friend, Bernie. While I was learning my ABCs and how to count with the Count, I was also absorbing very important lessons on empathy and kindness with the original emotional IQ educators.
Most shows don’t unpack someone’s feelings quite like Bert & Ernie do (or my personal imaginary helper, Bernie did). Because most media does not guide kids on their quest to be empathetic, I channel Bernie and try to vocalize what we are watching on TV. Thank goodness for on-demand shows with pause capabilities in this day and age! When someone is offering a helping hand or lifting their friend up through words, we hit pause to discuss how those actions might affect the recipient. We also stop shows to discuss overtly mean, rude or unkind behavior.
We do the same thing with the books we read. Recently, we were reading the delightful (and hilarious) new book, I Am Not a Dog Toy by Ethan T. Berlin. The little girl in this book is extremely unkind to her new toy who simply longs to be her new favorite friend. She makes rude comments about the toys appearance, ignores the toy's plea for a playmate and even shoves the toy. This book was a great leaping off point for us, as a family, to discuss how it is important to be kind to ourselves, too. And that tolerating bully-like behavior like the girl in this book exhibits isn't respecting our own boundaries.
3. We Start with Ourselves
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I've read that children who are self-compassionate are more likely to empathize with others. It makes sense; when our kids are able to identify their feelings, work through their emotions and lift themselves up they can lean on some (or all) of those skills when they see a friend in need.
Recently, we've were working through one of life's toughest emotions: Anger. I bought a kid-friendly workbook that had us do silly things like name our anger, draw a picture of what our anger might look like and, most importantly, identify what anger feels like when it starts to bubble up. The book helped take some of the scariness out of anger, after all it is a feeling we all experience from time to time. But both my kids were struggling with how to wrestle with this beast of an emotion when it came flooding into their little bodies. The book helped my kids identify some ways they could self-regulate when they were feeling angry, like take a walk or draw a picture.
After we finished the book, I noticed both of my kids were much more self-aware when it came to their anger. They haven't quite reached a place where taking a walk to calm down is automatic, but they are able to say how they could possibly have reacted differently. But the unexpected reward from this little exercise was their newfound awareness (and empathy) towards others experiencing anger.
Shortly after finishing the book, a classmate of theirs was, according to my kids, very (very!) angry. In the past, I'm confident my kids saw another person AS the angry monster (and not a person simply struggling with an emotion). But being able to simply identify that their classmate was experiencing anger and even taking a stab at what caused this child to become upset in the first place made the situation approachable to both of them. I'm not sure if suggesting to their classmate that they should draw a picture really helped?! But their ability to put themselves in their classmates shoe's is a happy step towards being two kinder kids.
One of the most valuable things you can give is your time. Those who volunteer not just benefit those who receive the help, they’re benefiting themselves as well.
As a parent, you want to instill values into your children. An excellent way to do this is by volunteering with them. There are so many ways to get involved, whether it be in your local community or beyond.
Below, are all the reasons you should volunteer with your child, no matter what their age.
1. It builds relationships. Volunteering allows you to bond in a new way with your kids. Most volunteer opportunities are surrounded by teamwork, meaning you and your children can work together on a project.
Additionally, volunteering gets everyone out and into a new environment. You and your children get to explore that together. Plus, volunteering might be a new activity for you both to enjoy. Your children will value the time they get to spend with you just as much as you will love spending time with them.
2. It teaches social skills. Another reason to volunteer with your children is that you can help them build their social skills. Volunteers come from all walks of life. There may be some older adults there or even kids around your child’s age. When they’re able to meet new friends, they can engage with them over this similar activity.
They can learn how to better interact with others, boosting their confidence and helping them interact even outside of the volunteering group. Social skills are necessary for success, so by volunteering with your kids, you can offer that to them.
3. It expands friendships. Once you and your child work on social skills through volunteering, you can expand your friendships, too. Your child will no doubt make new friends through volunteering. This might be other volunteers or even people within your community that you’re helping.
Your child will make friends, and you can go and meet their parents to create friendships as well. This will help expand their friend group. They may make new friends of different ages, races and backgrounds. Every time you go back to volunteer again, you and your children will be able to spend time with your friends!
4. It offers a sense of community. Volunteering with your children also offers a sense of community. When children are exposed to the news through various media outlets, it can be difficult for them to distinguish what it might mean to be part of a community. They see things from throughout the world but may not have an idea of their own community, especially if there aren’t any children’s programs available to them.
When you take them to volunteer, they have the opportunity to ground themselves in the community. They can feel as though they’re making a difference in their corner of the world. When you go alongside them to volunteer, they’ll see that you also care about your community. Your children can learn about the people and places that have helped shape them. It’s easy to get caught up in your daily lives, but volunteering helps ground you both.
5. It inspires gratitude & empathy. It can be challenging to teach your young children about gratitude and empathy. However, volunteering can ease that challenge. Some volunteer projects may have you and your children working with those less fortunate than you. Your children will learn to be grateful for what they have. After a day of volunteering, have a conversation with your child about what they noticed about the people you helped.
Gratitude is something that is cultivated, and your children will experience that firsthand. Empathy is also something your children can learn through volunteering. Children often have a sense of wanting to help others. Once they see the impact they’re making on others in their community, it will further inspire them to continue volunteering throughout their lives.
6. It provides meaningful family time. With the busy lives that you and your children have, volunteering offers a chance to slow down. When you’re volunteering, you’re not on any sort of schedule. You go to offer your help, whether that be physical labor or just talking with others. Volunteering as a family allows you to spend meaningful time with one another.
After a day of volunteering, you can go home and discuss everything you did. This allows you to have meaningful conversations that go beyond your day-to-day lives. This world is full of distractions, but volunteering enables you to go without distractions and be in the moment.
7. It provides great health benefits. Finally, volunteering provides excellent health benefits for both you and your children. Screens are a huge part of most children’s lives. A child tends to be in front of a screen for 7.5 hours every day, which can be detrimental to their health. This means their days are spent either sitting or staying in one place for an extended period.
Volunteering offers an opportunity to get children—and parents—away from the screen and outside. Volunteer opportunities often take place outdoors where you’re on your feet or at least moving around.
The next time you have a free day or weekend, use it to volunteer. Find a local project you and your child can participate in to better the community. You’ll enjoy getting to spend time with your child, and you’ll love seeing the impact you’ve made.
Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine. A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures. She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time.
For Mother’s Day this year, I have a request. Sure, I’ll take a card and flowers, maybe even a macaroni necklace. But before the mental load is placed on me to decide how I want to spend the day, or where I want to be taken for dinner, let me make it easy.
Here’s what I want for Mother’s Day: I would like just a single day of alone time.
I am 46. I work full-time and have a few side gigs. In my house with me lives my 2 ½-year-old son, husband, a couple of dogs, my parents and an apex predator goldfish who recently Jeffrey Dahmered six of its siblings. My husband and I, like so many, haven’t seen the inside of our offices in 13 months. My make-shift office at home used to be a section of my bedroom designated for work. It has slowly morphed into an office with a section designated for sleep.
I haven’t gained the COVID-19. I rounded it up to 20 instead for good measure. I’m currently wearing old maternity stretch pants while I write this because nothing else fits. Including my wedding rings. Having a baby at almost 44 has me simultaneously riding the waves of both toddlerhood and perimenopause, and let me tell ya—they go together like oil and water. I’m pretty sure I could use a higher dose of my anti-anxiety meds prescribed to me following my son’s birth, because, well, see previous sentence.
Speaking of him, he’s been gone from school all week with the croup that has turned into a sinus infection that has turned into a head cold. He has no idea why he’s not at school though and doesn’t care. He’s having way too much fun climbing daddy like a tree while he’s on a conference call, and eating dog kibble right out of the bin because, as he says, “mmm, it’s so tasty.” At least it’s high-quality dog food, and probably better than the crap he’s actually willing to eat lately.
I love my people SO MUCH, but please, for the love of God, Mama needs a little tiny break.
What I want isn’t new. I’m not reinventing the wheel. Moms have been taking ‘mom trips’ for years, gathering their own mothers or girlfriends together for a good time; trading yoga pants, eye patches and “more coffee” emblazoned mugs for their old fancy heels, makeup and big ole glasses of wine. All of a sudden, Instagram is fired up with group photos from the #kidsfree #girlstrip with shots, karaoke, facials and more wine in the hot tub. But let’s be honest: everyone is still in bed at a reasonable time.
That sounds fun, but it’s not exactly what I want. For 24 hours, I want to be left alone. I want to check into a hotel room and faceplant onto the bed. I want to sleep in, order my own damn room service, watch Bravo and Hallmark channels, take a long skin peeling hot bubble bath and not be texted, touched or asked any questions. Not a single one. Is that too much to ask? If it makes my absence feel better, I’ll wear the macaroni necklace the whole time. Even in the tub.
Why do I and so many others need this? Well, for starters, a 2019 study of parenthood in four wealthy countries found that U.S. mothers have it the worst. And that study concluded before the COVID-19 pandemic started and things got really bad.
Women are drowning in stress, juggling a lot of balls in the air at any one time, trying to figure out which balls are rubber, capable of bouncing back if dropped, and which ones are glass. Between February and December 31, 2020, nearly 3 million women left the workforce due to the pandemic. The rubber vs glass balls analogy indicates that the career ball is rubber and will bounce back. But the pandemic rages on, so only time will tell if it was glass after all.
Do you fantasize about disappearing for a few hours or a night? Then do it. Whether that means a night at the Ritz Carlton, the Motel 6 or on the couch of your best friend with no kids. Now’s the time to pull together those hotel and credit card points and convert them into a free night somewhere. Cash in on those favors people owe you and ask one of them to babysit. Those friends who have said throughout the years, “Let me know how I can help.” Well, now they can! Send the kids to their house and unplug at your own, if not for a night, then a few hours.
My girlfriend Laura Washburn of Crownsville, MD has done this for herself a couple of times. “About once every six months, I check myself into a hotel alone for the night. Preferably one with a water view and room service,” she said. “I’m immensely grateful for my life, my loved ones and my career but as a professional, mom, stepmom, wife, daughter, aunt, sister, friend and household manager, someone always needs something from me. In those 24 hours, I’m just me again. Being responsible only for myself is freeing.”
For Mother’s Day this year, another friend has asked for what she calls: “Live like my husband day,” where she can “enjoy my kid when I want to, and then just walk away at will and not be responsible for any of her care.”
There’s a reason why airlines tell you that in an emergency situation, fasten your oxygen mask before you help others fasten theirs. We are no good to anyone if we ourselves are out of gas. Dads and partners: are you reading this? Help a mom out. Help her take care of herself, so she can get back to taking care of everyone else. In the end, everyone will benefit from this gift.
Political affairs pro, freelance writer, Philly native, dog and human mom, Key West obsessed, former Capitol Hill staffer, one-time stand-up comic, fledgling novelist, side hustler, beauty products junkie. Lives in MD with her husband Josh, son Huckleberry and two giant retriever lap dogs named Frank and Stein. Connect with me here: https://aimeelubin.com/
Having built a toy company over three decades with my best friend and husband, Doug, and experiencing the joy of unleashing the imaginations of children through open-ended play, most would think that my life was all fun and games. After all, we had achieved the very definition of “The American Dream” with every shiny bauble to show for it. And along the way, Doug and I also created six beautiful children who were the very essence of the boisterous family I had always imagined. I had absolutely no reason to be unhappy, I truly had it all.
But the truth was, that for as long as I could remember, I suffered a crisis of meaning that I learned to hide from the world. This sense of futility was so overwhelming, that the only way I could survive was by disassociating from all feelings and denying who I was. And since I would never fit in as myself, I turned to validation through achieving academic perfection to attain the acceptance I so deeply craved. I became who I thought the world wanted me to be to the point where I didn’t even know who I truly was.
As I reached middle age, I finally learned that my lifelong anguish had a name: existential depression. And furthermore, those experiencing existential depression were often highly creative and had intense levels of reactivity in their central nervous systems called over-excitabilities. And this realization was life-changing, because for the first time in my life, I saw I wasn’t alone and there were actually others just like me. I knew that the only way I would access peace was to stop racing outside myself for answers and embark on a journey inward to self-acceptance. That journey was so profound and revelatory, that I knew my purpose was to help others find their pathways out of despair in transforming darkness into light. Here are some of the steps that brought me to writing my memoir LifeLines: An Inspirational Journey from Profound Darkness to Radiant Light, and creating our LifeLines ecosystem to offer community and impactful content to others!
1. Embrace Yourself in Totality
Society tells us to dry our tears and “be strong.” But when we do, we are denying who we are and what we feel. And that prevents us from living authentically. Once we come to see that this facade we adopt ultimately leaves us bereft and bitter, we begin to shed that pretension and access the space necessary to truly grow.
2. Accept That We All Need Lifelines
Once I completed my journey and accepted myself in totality, I realized that every day wouldn’t be an easy ride. In fact, many days would be on the dark side of the emotional spectrum! I, therefore, needed a practice to keep me “safe and sane” when I began to plunge below the line of equanimity.
3. Lifelines Are Essential in Three Different Areas
My personal practice of engaging LifeLines involved three distinct areas: self-care, tools, and passions/play. Self-care LifeLines involve the deliberate intention to take care of our minds and bodies. These may seem obvious to many, but for me required making a choice every single day to stay strong. They include eating nourishing food, sleeping 7 hours a night, and exercising in nature. Tools for me include reciting mantras, going to therapy, being mindful in everything I do, and offering myself compassion when my head starts to berate me. The activities and hobbies that bring us joy are the essence of life and move us squarely into our hearts. For me they include writing verses, crafting, photographing nature, listening to music, and drinking tea.
4. Engage in a Deliberate Practice
Just like a diabetic takes insulin to remain healthy, I must also commit to engaging my LifeLines each and every day to remain steadfast. And that means EVERY SINGLE DAY. If we don’t have our practice fully honed during our more contented times, then it won’t be routine when the journey becomes arduous. A practice MUST be practiced no matter the weather, your mood or your circumstances.
5. Find a Community That Supports You
We created LifeLines.com to build a community showing others that “they are not alone.” When we construct a supportive structure around us, we are better able to shine our light and live authentically. We learn from others’ experiences, embrace our uniqueness, and develop the tenacity to keep forging ahead when life throws us curveballs. The community we have forged has already become a lifeline to so many, including me. I am so grateful to have discovered no higher purpose than supporting others to channel their darkness into light and find meaning. And the more our community can help others heal themselves and share their truth, then the more they will do the same for others and make this world a more loving place.
Melissa Bernstein, Co-Founder of Melissa & Doug Toys and mother of six, shared her lifelong battle with existential depression and anxiety in her memoir, LifeLines. She and her husband Doug have developed LifeLines.com, a digital ecosystem to support others on their own inward journeys. Melissa lives in Connecticut with Doug and their children.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was over-exhausted. Overwhelmed. Underpaid. (I kid). Vivi was teething and Whitman was out of control. We were waiting for occupational therapy. I was bouncing Vivi on my hip and chasing Whit. Our stroller was full of Panera bags, cups, and cookies because we had no time between school that was on the second floor and OT which was on the first floor.
Whitman wanted a candy bar and was doing his nonverbal grunts and points at the vending machine. I was trying to coax Whitman away from the vending machine with a sugar cookie and brownie. I was failing at both things. Then a woman with messed up hair, a walker, and reeking of B.O. and cigarettes walked up to me and she said it. I
knew that one day I would be faced with adversity because of Whitman’s lack of language. I thought my first time would be at Target or Wal-Mart. But I never pictured it would happen in the rehab facility. The woman said: “You know he’s a R*** right?! And why in the hell would you bring another into the world?!” She pointed at Vivi. I stood stunned. I didn’t know what to say and I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Thankfully, Whit’s occupational therapist came out and the situation was defused. I told her what happen, pointed out who the woman was from the hallway, then drove home a sobbing mess from therapy that day. I questioned every move I had made as a mom. Was it my fault?! Should we not have had Vivi?! Am I not handling this the way I should be handling this?!
In therapy, Whit’s OT reminded me that Whit wasn’t any of what that woman called him. We have had the IQ tests. Whitman is reluctant to show you what he knows, but trust her, he knows. I saw the woman the following week and felt sick when I did. Her daughter walked up to me and apologized for her mom’s behavior—she had seen it all while she was trying to check her mom in and was mortified. She didn’t make up an excuse for why her mom said it, she said just said how sorry she was. Then added that my kids are cute. It helped a little but the wound is still there two years later.
That word takes away your security. That word makes you feel things as a parent that you should never have to feel. It reminds you of what a cruel place this world is. It makes you wonder what kind of human takes out their anger on a child and his mother who are simply trying to get through the day. We need to stop the stigma that this word is ok. In the dawn of a new era in America’s history, we need to take away that word and replace it with inclusion. We need to teach our kids that being different is fine. That being mean isn’t. That even if the quiet kid in their class doesn’t say “Hi” back you still say “Hi.”
If you see a friend struggling, you help. We need to stop criticizing and blaming parents because their child has special needs. Whitman isn’t the way he is because I did anything. He’s programmed differently and as much as I grieve about that it’s not because he is who is. He’s the best human being. He is a walking miracle. It’s because the world isn’t ready for him and what he can offer. It’s a tad better but not there yet. We have to start teaching our kids to advocate for those who need it. Kindness starts in the home. Hate starts in the home. Letting the R-word fly like confetti starts in the home.
Instead of putting our prejudices that we were raised with, let’s make 2021 the year of kind. The year where rude terms are put to bed. Let’s make 2021 the year where we stop judging other mom’s for doing it a different way than you. Let’s be grateful for our upbringings because it made us the people that we are. The people that our children need us to be. Let’s help others no matter what, without blame, or judgment. Let’s just be decent human beings.
Can we please just make 2021 the year of a new beginning where we don’t have to worry about what society is going to say about our kiddos or us? I will never forget my first encounter with that word. That day fueled a fire in me to be kind. Even if I disagree with the person, we are all different we are all going to have different opinions, even if the person was rude to me earlier. I’m choosing to be a person that my kids would be proud of it and it starts with being kind to everyone.
We as special needs parents need to know that kind is our superpower. We need to be the example for re-educating society if we have any hope of eliminating the hurtful words. Let’s set the bar high this year for ourselves. Let’s get out there in the community and educate the people around us, let’s be kind in our education, and show grace to the broken system that got us here. Let’s move forward with pride that maybe we can be the generation that changes the world, but in order to change the world we have to start at home and in our communities. Baby steps.
Lindsey is a mom, wife, and blogger at The Althaus Life. She lives in Ohio with her husband and 2 children. Lindsey is grateful all things and to be able to chronicle her beautifully broken laugh til you cry cry until you laugh life.
